Author: Andrea Mora

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My Struggle with Alcohol Use How I Found Healing: Andrea Mora’s Story

Back in my first article, I shared a condensed overview of my life since 2012, when my mental illness fully reared its ugly head. I have suspicions that I had my first manic episode when I was 25, and just went through the years up until 2021 thinking things were just filled with “Andreaness”. I was fun, I did have high energy, and that would have been ok, if the bad behaviors and other negative parts of mania weren’t along for the ride. As I was coming into stability with my mental health, I struggled a lot (and still do sometimes) with second guessing if the way I am is really me, like who I’m made up of, or if it’s mania again. I have come to learn, and I’ll write about this more in a different article, that I AM a fun, wild and funny person down to my core, and while mental illness and medication dulled that for years, I am free to live as the authentic me. Quirks and all.

Slowly Realizing My Problem Drinking Behavior

I bring this up, because during my journey, sobriety slapped me across the face and made me pay attention. This was April 16, 2018. I had found my psychiatric provider who saved my life by figuring out my meds, which were starting to work. But I was still struggling daily and didn’t understand why. On April 16, 2018, I started drinking around 2 pm, as we had gotten a late season snowstorm the day before, my kids and husband weren’t home, and I had nowhere to be. 

Even though my kids would be home soon I felt I needed more, so I decided to walk through the hip-high snow to the Kwik Trip down the street. I knew my mom would be bringing my girls home from school shortly, and I didn’t want her to see me. Naturally, right?

I ended up getting stuck in a snowback in Kwik Trip’s driveway, getting pulled out by my mom and kids, lying that I was there to buy water, and sneaking home with the liquor I intended to get. In another instance I quite literally pushed past my husband and daughter to again procure more alcohol, even driving inebriated to get it. I can’t exactly remember what happened those nights, but I know how I felt in the morning.

Rising Anxiety and Remorse Were My Stepping Stones to Change

When I woke up the next day, hungover as hell, I had feelings of horrible anxiety, regret and fear, feelings I was not a stranger to. Every “next day” I struggled to put the pieces together, to go through my phone and see who I texted or called, see the pictures I took or received, to try and squelch the pounding anxiety in my chest (and in my head. Oof.).

That “next day” though, I also had a new feeling in me. The feeling that I never wanted anything like the day prior to happen again. Any of it. I had felt feelings of remorse or guilt before, much like I was feeling in that moment, but this new feeling got me. Many mornings after I had told myself I wasn’t gonna drink anymore, but knew that wasn’t true. This time, it felt true. 

Starting My Journey of Recovery: Moving Forward Without Looking Back

I haven’t taken a drink since that night and the 17th of each month serves as a reminder of the best decision I ever made…and still make daily. Sometimes by the minute. I am approaching my 6 year 10 month soberversary and one truth I will lay on you, as it was unbeknownst to me, is that no matter how long you’ve been sober, it will always be a conscious choice to actively make, and that choice is only yours. 

Sobriety isn’t easy, and maybe it gets easier once you get to 10 years? 15 years? 20 years? I don’t know that. But I do know that making this choice has never let me down, never had me waking up in a panic and has never caused my relationships to be tested. 

My sobriety has allowed for coffee on Sunday mornings, not aspirin, electrolytes and hiding in my room all day sleeping it off. My mental health improved when I stopped drinking, as the alcohol was not mixing with my meds or my wonky brain well. My eyes actually sparkle, they aren’t dull and filled with despair. Sobriety has given me everything I didn’t know I needed, as well as everything I did know I needed. I have had many regrets over my life, me choosing sobriety isn’t one of them. 

Please know there are resources out there, many of which are right on this site. Please know you are worthy of the life you deserve. And please know, you are not alone.

How I’ve Stuck with My Decision Amidst Challenges

After we have had time to heal from the traumas alcoholism caused us and we look through sober lenses, sometimes it is easier to talk about our illness, at least for me it is. I talk and I write about living alcohol-free very openly, as even if only one person finds what I have to say helpful, I have succeeded. 

Some may call me an expert on sobriety, and while I am an expert at being an alcoholic, I am not an expert on what works to stay sober for everyone. I know what it has taken over the past 6+ years for me to stay sober and that may work for you as well, but there are many other paths out there. The important thing is you give it a try. And keep trying. It’s an active decision every day, every minute sometimes, but I have never once felt like not drinking wasn’t worth it. 

It’s Not Always Easy, But It’s Always Worth It

You may perhaps think that after that long, it must be easy. I must never think about alcohol, have urges, I must just go through life just simply not drinking. But if you do think that, with as much gentleness I can muster, you are wrong. Let me tell you a little story:

About 6 months ago, just after I celebrated my 6 year soberversary, I had a dream. I dream almost every night, so that in and of itself is not the shocker. This dream, however, was nothing like I had ever experienced. You know how dreams don’t always make sense, the time shifts, the surroundings shift, the people in them change, they are fluid and random at times? However, this dream messed with me…BADLY. I dreamt that I drank. Secretly. It really scared me and I am still struggling to shake it, 6 months later.

Since that night I still haven’t been able to get those sensations and actions out of my head. 

So How Have I Been Staying Sober With This Going On? 

It’s been a struggle. I was going through shoulder surgery, was on narcotic pain meds and was stuck on the couch due to pain and the surgery itself. I had my rotator cuff repaired, and man, if that doesn’t make you want to drink, I don’t know what does it for you. I was stressed and scared and not in a great mental state, and now I had this dream that sent me spiraling. Here’s what I did.

The Importance of Letting Others In and Finding New Ways to Cope

I first talked about it to my husband. I didn’t keep quiet, I didn’t suffer in silence, I let him in. It felt so great not having the burden of worry to carry all by myself. Sometimes we think telling others of our problems is bad, but for me, talking is key. 

We talked, well I talked, he listened, and I wasn’t alone anymore. I spent so many years hiding things, lying, not being my true authentic self, and I refuse to do that any longer. I let people in, and without my circle, I would not be who I am today. Michael is my anchor, and with him on my side, I am so much better off. He’s a great man, and after all I put him through, he stayed. So yes, I will lean on this man, tell him my worries and I know he will catch me and help me get through. 

After conversing for a while, I knew I needed a distraction. Something to keep the cravings at bay. I found it, and it works for the most part, but it isn’t a solution that works for everyone. 

My Alternative Option to Alcohol Use

I chose to go back to my e-cigarette and use that as my “buffer” and a tool for my recovery. Is picking up a different habit the best way to handle getting over thoughts of a different bad habit? For me, it has been. 

What it does is take the thought away from alcohol and replace it with something else; something that hasn’t ruined my life or caused me trouble. I have an addict brain, and when the time comes and I feel stronger, quitting the e-cigarettes will be difficult too, but I actively am taking that risk, knowing the alternative would be life altering in a bad way. 

I also talked to my therapist (which reminds me, I need to schedule another appointment, thank you Recovery.com!). Not that I needed permission to fall back into an old habit I knew it was working for me, but for her to say that finding a way to redirect myself was key. I am in no way telling you to go out and buy a pack of cigarettes to be sober. What I’m saying is you need to find what works for you to redirect those cravings and very realistic feelings. Being an addict is hard, but it is how my brain operates, and I have to learn to respect that and treat it. 

Finding What Works for Me, and Reminding Myself of What Recovery Gives Me

Still, even with my “tool” (yes, I’m calling it a tool), I have been getting cravings. When the feelings and thoughts come, I must redirect my thought process. I remind myself of why I chose sobriety. I remind myself that it was a decision I made, for my well-being, which in turn helps my family’s well-being. I tell myself that without living the sober life, I would not have a relationship with my kids and I definitely would not be able to spend time with my grandkids. 

I wouldn’t have the career I never thought I’d have, because I would be drinking during my workday, and I would be too hungover to do anything most days. I would probably spend time in jail for a DUI, or God forbid vehicular manslaughter. I would not be the voice I am for mental illness and substance abuse, and I certainly wouldn’t be Board President of my local NAMI affiliate. Living alcohol free provides me with the most amazing opportunities and if I give in and give up, all of that goes away. 

Those are big reasons to stay in my lane and right now, that works for me. I also find other ways to focus my brain, like making candles, binge-watching ridiculous dating shows, and spending time with my loved ones. I don’t keep quiet, because alcoholism is a heavy thing to carry by yourself. I need to know I’m not going through this alone, and I think you need to know that too. You can find resources and help right here on this site. 

Whatever treatment path you take, commit and never forget your reasons for choosing sobriety in the first place. They will keep you grounded and focused and reignite the flame you light when you decide to not drink or use again.

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The Importance of Sleep for Mental Wellness

Sleep. We all need sleep, and it plays a crucial role in maintaining and promoting mental health. Adequate sleep is essential for cognitive functions, emotional regulation, and overall psychological well-being (Goldstein and Walker 2015). I am a “needs at least 8 hours of sleep a night” girl, but many people feel they don’t need that much sleep. Some even feel they need more than 8 hours to feel rested and ready to tackle the day. No one knows your body and your needs more than you, so recognizing and maintaining the amount of sleep that you need is absolutely in your control. 

Do you have a bedtime routine? For me, that is a must to have successful sleep and help my mental wellness overall. It can look like anything, if it works for you. I take a warm shower and allow the water to wash away the stress from my day, followed by some couch time and watching a show my husband and I can agree on. Side note, that is challenging at times. We have completely different tastes in what we like to watch…and he won’t watch Love Island with me. He’s missing out on quality entertainment, don’t you think? 

In addition to taking a shower and enjoying some TV time with the hubs, I drink a warm cup of sleepy time tea and stay off my phone for the most part. Another way my husband and I differ, which affects both of our sleep, is that I need noise to fall asleep. If I lay in bed with no noise to put my focus on, my thoughts just run wild. I will replay a conversation I had 8 years ago and analyze it, overthink it, and then feel awful and anxious telling myself what I should have said instead or something I said that I shouldn’t have. These messages I’m sending to myself are not necessary, but my brain goes straight to overthinking. If I have noise to focus on, such as a comfort TV show or a sleep story from Calm (Matthew McConaughey anyone??) I can fall asleep quickly and happily. I can’t even tell you how Matthew’s sleep story ends, it is that good. The voice of an angel, I’m telling you. 

Having a routine for winding down at night is especially important for me in managing my Bipolar Disorder. I never knew how much a routine would be beneficial to me, but when I go to bed around the same time each night, after winding down, I am able to awaken in the morning feeling positive and energized. Of course, coffee helps that part too! So why is sleep so important to your mental health? 

Emotional Regulation: Sleep helps regulate emotions by allowing the brain to process and respond to emotional stimuli. Poor sleep can lead to irritability, mood swings, and a decreased ability to cope with stress. Over time, this may contribute to anxiety and depression.

Cognitive Function: Sleep is essential for memory consolidation, learning, and problem-solving. When we sleep, the brain processes information and solidifies memories. Chronic sleep deprivation can impair focus, decision-making, and the ability to think clearly, leading to cognitive deficits that negatively impact daily life.

Stress Reduction: Sufficient sleep helps the body and mind recover from daily stressors. A lack of sleep increases the body’s production of cortisol, a stress hormone, which can heighten feelings of stress and anxiety.

Mental Health Disorders: Like I was speaking about above, a healthy and effective sleep pattern has a strong link to managing mental health conditions. Conditions like depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder are often associated with sleep disturbances. Sleep deprivation can exacerbate symptoms, while improving sleep can have positive effects on managing these conditions.

Psychiatric Symptoms: Insomnia or other sleep disturbances are common early signs of psychiatric disorders, such as schizophrenia or depression. Addressing sleep problems can often improve the prognosis of these conditions and make treatments more effective.

Brain Restoration: Sleep gives the brain time to repair itself. It helps clear out toxins that accumulate in the brain during waking hours, protecting against neurological diseases like Alzheimer’s. This restorative process is crucial for mental clarity and overall brain health.

Social and Emotional Connections: A lack of sleep can negatively impact relationships, reducing the ability to empathize with others or manage interpersonal conflicts effectively. Feeling emotionally drained or disconnected often accompanies sleep deprivation, straining personal and professional relationships. Improving sleep hygiene can be a key strategy for boosting mental health, improving emotional resilience, and protecting against long-term psychological issues

That’s a lot of info, but it really illustrates why sleep is so central to us. I shared some ways that I wind down for the night, but there are many other options and ideas that you may find helpful. Overall, these are things you can implement to get better sleep:

Create a sleep schedule: Try to stick to a consistent sleep schedule and limit sleep to eight hours or less. 

Avoid screens before bed: Limit or avoid using screens that emit blue light, like your phone, laptop, or TV, for 30–60 minutes before bed. 

Dim the lights: Bright lights can make it harder to fall asleep. You can use a desk lamp or string lights to create a soft glow. 

Wind down: Try a calming activity like reading, stretching, meditation, or listening to relaxing music or a podcast. You can also try journaling to express any concerns you might have. 

Eat and drink well: Avoid heavy meals or caffeine within a couple of hours of bedtime. You can try a small snack that combines protein and carbohydrates, like a banana with peanut butter or a whole wheat cracker with low-fat cheese. 

Exercise regularly: Regular physical activity can help you sleep better, but avoid intense workouts too close to bedtime. 

Prepare your bedroom: Make your bedroom a cool, dark, and quiet place for sleep. You can turn down your bed covers, plump your pillows, and use blackout curtains. I have a fireplace TV stand, and turning that on creates such a pleasing glow as I get comfy in bed, close my eyes, and listen to something enjoyable as I drift off to sleep. 

Get sunlight: Try to get some natural light during the day, like early morning sunlight and sunsets.

No go forth, and sleep well!

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Winter Reinvention and Growth: Andrea Mora

Hey there hey! Your girl is back and ready for action in this new article, all about harnessing the power of winter as an ideal time for reinvention and growth. Why might you ask? Ok, here’s the deets on why winter is meant for transformation. First, there is a natural pause and reflection with winter. The colder months often encourage slowing down. With shorter days and longer nights, winter naturally creates space for introspection. It’s a quieter time when people can reflect on the past year, assess their goals, and think about how they want to move forward. This introspective period is perfect for making meaningful changes in your life.

Winter is also a time for rest and recovery. The energy of summer and fall is often spent on socializing, traveling, or working hard. Winter provides an opportunity to rest and recuperate. By recharging during this time, you can be better prepared to take on the challenges of reinvention and set new intentions for the coming months.

There is a symbolism of renewal because winter is often associated with renewal and rebirth in various cultures and traditions. After the stillness of winter comes the vibrancy of spring, which mirrors the process of personal transformation. Just like nature goes through cycles, winter can be seen as a time for planting seeds of change that will blossom later. Also, people tend to spend more time indoors, which can help foster deeper connections with themselves. The physical stillness of winter can prompt a mental stillness, making it a good time to dive into self-discovery, mindfulness, or meditation—practices that support reinvention.

Additionally, there tends to be fewer distractions from social activities, vacations, or outdoor events. This quieter time gives you more opportunities to focus on your personal growth, read, study, or engage in new hobbies that align with the goals you have for yourself. Along with this is the acknowledgement that the turn of the calendar year often sparks a natural desire for change. This cultural phenomenon encourages people to set resolutions and goals for self-improvement, making winter an ideal time to start anew. The sense of a “fresh start” can motivate you to make positive changes. In essence, winter offers a mix of external quiet and internal focus, creating the perfect environment for reinvention. In order to grow ourselves, we need to embrace the unique qualities of the season, which nurture both our inner and outer selves. We can find opportunities for introspection, rest and setting intentions for the future.

Now we are back to another question you may be asking yourself: Howwww do I do this?? Keep reading, it’s good stuff.

1. Own Your Actions

Winter’s stillness provides an excellent opportunity to reflect on the past year, assess your goals, and think about what you want to achieve moving forward. Use the quiet time to journal, meditate, or simply sit with your thoughts. Ask yourself important questions:

  • What worked for me last year, and what didn’t?
  • What am I grateful for, and what could I improve?
  • How do I want to show up in the world next year?

If you sit for a moment and really read these 3 questions, you might feel your mind open and expand. No matter where we are on your journey, we can all reflect on these 3 questions and answer them honestly. You gotta start somewhere, right?

2. Set Goals, but Be Real

Use the transition into the new year to set clear, realistic goals. Break them down into manageable steps and start working toward them slowly. Winter offers the space to focus on personal development without the distractions of warmer months. Whether it’s learning a new skill, starting a hobby, or making healthier choices, winter is a great time to build the foundation for growth.

3. Rest, Reflect and Grow

One of the most important aspects of growth is rest. Winter’s shorter days and longer nights provide an opportunity to slow down. Prioritize sleep and relaxation to replenish your energy. When you take time to rest, you’re better equipped to take on new challenges and grow in the future. This period of downtime will give you the energy and mental clarity needed to focus on personal transformation.

The quiet of winter is perfect for cultivating mindfulness. Regular meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, enabling you to let go of negativity and focus on positive growth. Practices like yoga or deep breathing can also be calming and grounding, helping you align with your intentions for self-improvement.

4. Out With the Old, in With the New

Winter is an excellent time to clear out physical and mental clutter. Tackle areas of your home that have accumulated things you no longer need or create a minimalist space where you can focus on what truly matters. Decluttering can bring a sense of mental clarity and peace, creating an environment that supports growth and intention. Winter can also be an ideal time to pick up new skills or deepen your knowledge in a certain area. Whether it’s learning a language, taking an online course, or engaging in creative activities like writing, drawing, painting, or crafting, just to name a few, the indoor nature of winter allows you to focus on personal development. Creativity can also help you work through complex emotions and tap into deeper layers of your personality.

5. Nourish Your Body, Mind and Spirit

Even though the weather may make outdoor activities more difficult, maintaining your physical health is still crucial. Winter is a great time to focus on nutrition, stay active indoors with exercises like yoga, stretching, or even indoor walking. Prioritize nourishing foods like seasonal vegetables, soups, and teas. A healthy body supports mental clarity and overall well-being. Inspiring your mind is important too, and there’s plenty of inspiration to be found in books, podcasts, or nature. Read books that challenge you or offer new perspectives or find motivational speakers who inspire change. Sometimes, a fresh idea or story can spark your own transformation.

6. Give Yourself Grace and Embrace Your Circle

Winter can be a tough time for some people, with the shorter days and colder weather sometimes causing feelings of sadness or isolation. Use this time to develop self-compassion. Acknowledge your feelings, practice kindness to yourself, and allow yourself to rest and heal when needed. Self-compassion helps you develop resilience and strength in facing life’s challenges. Winter can also be an ideal time to strengthen your connections with the loved ones that feed your soul and lift your spirit. Use the cozy indoor time to connect meaningfully with family and friends, fostering deeper bonds. Our social interactions can make all the difference when it comes to fostering growth and change. And remember, it’s about the quality of your relationships, not the quantity. 

By recognizing that winter’s qualities can be a catalyst for personal growth, you can use this season to deepen your self-awareness, focus on your health, and align your intentions with your life’s path. Through rest, reflection, learning, and nurturing your inner world, you can set the stage for a more fulfilling and successful future.

This article may resonate with you, or perhaps it might not, depending on where you’re on your journey. It’s ok either way, because the information is always here to help you, guide you, inspire you or motivate you. You can take what you need from this and put the rest in your toolbox for when you’re ready to dig it back out. Growth and change are deeply personal decisions; it’s up to you to choose when and how you’re ready to transform. But transforming is truly a gift because it allows you to shed old limitations and step into a version of yourself that’s more aligned with your true potential and way of being. Sending love and light to you all. Until next time…

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Affirmations and Self-Love: Building Mental Strength and Sobriety One Positive Thought at a Time: Andrea Mora

Hello again! It’s your friendly neighborhood mental health and substance abuse recovery advocate! I hope you found my last article helpful, enjoyable, and perhaps even motivating. That was the intended purpose, so thank you if you found value in it. I write these articles to show there is hope, help, resources, and everyday things you can do to work towards and maintain your sobriety and your mental stability. One of the best things I do for myself is practicing affirmation and self-love. After all, who better is there to inspire us than…ourselves, right? There are many ways we can practice self-love, and while I’m going to share some of those with you, it is important to remember that these are not the only options. Get creative figure out what would work best for you by listening to your thoughts and needs. What may inspire me may not be the inspiration for you, and that is ok! 

As you may remember, in my last article, I mentioned I am 6.5 years sober from alcohol and right around 6 years stable with my mental illness of Bipolar Disorder Type I. I have had a few breakthrough episodes during these 6 years, mental illness-related, and some of my other mental illness diagnoses rear their ugly heads frequently, but I have never broken sobriety. Does that mean it is easy, HEL—HECK NO! (not sure if I can swear in here, but my mouth is like that of a sailor with scurvy, so I best check. You’d get more flavor that way 😊) But, I digress. 

Each illness I live with brings its own sets of challenges as I move throughout the day, weeks, months and years. But something that has helped me along the way is practicing self-love. I do this in many ways, but a big one for me is affirmations. Before I dive right into affirmations, I’m sure we all have our own definitions of what mental illness and addiction/substance abuse are to us, but some common factors go into these. 

Mental illness and substance abuse often share common underlying factors, which can make these conditions interrelated and challenging to treat separately. One significant factor is genetics, as both mental health disorders and addiction have hereditary components. If a person has a family history of depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, or addiction, they are at an increased risk of developing these issues themselves. Genetics can influence how people respond to stress, how their brains process rewards, and even how susceptible they are to addictive substances. This genetic vulnerability can create a predisposition that, when combined with other factors, may lead to both mental illness and substance abuse.

Another shared factor is environmental stress. Trauma, abuse, and adverse life events are major contributors to both mental illness and substance use disorders. People experiencing chronic stress from poverty, relationship issues, or personal loss might turn to substances as a way of coping with overwhelming emotions or negative thoughts. Additionally, social environments that normalize or encourage drug and alcohol use can make substance abuse a more likely coping mechanism for those with underlying mental health issues. Environmental factors like these don’t cause mental illness or addiction on their own but can trigger or intensify these conditions in people who may already be vulnerable.

Biology also plays a role, particularly in how the brain’s reward and stress pathways are affected by both mental illness and addiction. Both conditions impact neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, which regulate mood and feelings of pleasure. For instance, people with depression may use substances to artificially elevate their mood, while those with anxiety may turn to drugs to alleviate symptoms temporarily. Unfortunately, this self-medication cycle often worsens both the addiction and the underlying mental health disorder, leading to a cycle that is difficult to break. The overlapping brain chemistry changes can make it challenging to address one issue without addressing the other, which is why integrated treatment for co-occurring disorders is often necessary for long-term recovery.

When we think of this, especially the long-term recovery portion of recovery, it can seem overwhelming and scary, with feelings of not knowing where to start. From my own experiences, the most important thing is to just start. One small thing, if looking at a big picture causes you distress, will help in some way. Will it “fix” you? Absolutely not, but will it help you in that moment? There are great odds it will. Like I mentioned before, let’s talk about affirmations.

Affirmations are positive statements or phrases that you repeat yourself to reinforce positive thinking and self-belief. These statements are usually framed in the present tense and focus on personal strengths, goals, or aspirations. For example, someone might say, “I am strong and resilient,” or “I deserve happiness and success.” Or one of my personal favorites “I deserve to treat myself to coffee and chocolate”. The purpose of affirmations is to shift one’s mindset, helping to replace negative self-talk and limiting beliefs with more empowering, constructive thoughts.

The practice of using affirmations is rooted in the idea that our thoughts and beliefs shape our emotions and actions. By consistently repeating positive affirmations, we can influence our subconscious mind, making it easier to adopt a more optimistic perspective. This can be particularly helpful for managing stress, building confidence, and improving overall mental well-being. When practiced regularly, affirmations can help reframe how you view yourself and your potential, which promotes a sense of self-worth and motivation.

While affirmations alone aren’t a cure-all, they are often used as a tool in combination with other self-help strategies like mindfulness, therapy, or goal-setting. Many people find that using affirmations as part of a daily routine — whether saying them aloud, writing them down, or visualizing them — can help reinforce a positive outlook. Over time, affirmations can help create lasting changes in mindset, aiding people in overcoming self-doubt, staying focused on their goals, and cultivating a more positive relationship yourself.

For myself, I love to write affirmations on Post-it notes and stick them around my computer monitor. I have different ones for different moods and positive needs and read the one I feel I need to read at that moment. By thinking it, or reading it out loud, I get the same benefit from it. That is, I know I’m a baddie with an attie and I can control my reaction to things, even when I can’t control the situation. (And just like that, I have an affirmation!) I can fill my cup up with love for myself, and it is almost giving myself permission to think, feel or act in a helpful way regardless of the challenge in front of me. 

You are your best weapon and your own worst enemy. Let’s try to use our powers for good, not evil, and bring out something in yourself that may change your mood, your day, month, or even your lifetime. The messages we send to ourselves have such power, and with great power comes great responsibility. The responsibility to ourselves, our hearts, our minds and our mental well-being. If you take one thing from this article, take this: Write yourself one, just ONE affirmation, and read it daily. You’ll find your mind shifts with the kindness you give yourself permission to feel. You can do it, and I believe in you! So…believe in yourself too, you baddie!

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Advancing Hope, Advocacy, and Recovery with Andrea Mora

Hey you! I’m Andrea Mora, your friendly neighborhood expert in lived experience with mental illness and substance abuse, and I’d love to share some of my recovery story with you. 

Content Warning: This article includes details of a mental health crisis and self-harm.

Beginning The Journey Toward a Diagnosis

My story starts before my diagnosis, as my first mental health crisis was in 2012. In October of that year, I was hospitalized due to a severe manic episode. We didn’t know what was happening at the time, and just chalked it up to “Andreaness”. What I mean by that is, I had always been a little wild in my adult life. I loved singing karaoke, and of course that was accompanied by lots of alcohol and erratic behavior. That night, however, was a whole different ball of wax.

Essentially, I became so inebriated I couldn’t see straight. I even ordered pizza, with the most random and awful topping combinations, according to my husband. It was all fun and games and lots of “Andreaness”, until it was time for bed. I didn’t want to go to bed, as I felt on top of the world, but also very anxious. Naturally, I took 5 or 6 benzodiazepines, which ooh golly, not a good idea. In addition to all of my erratic behavior, I also experienced psychosis during this manic episode, so much so that I even licked my washing machine. Say WHAT!? I can laugh about it now, but it was truly awful to recollect at the time. 

During this mental health event, I cut my wrists, flatlined on my bathroom floor and when I was resuscitated, I ran outside completely nude, around my yard. All of this happening with my kids sleeping upstairs. My next memory is waking up in the ER with a police officer sitting in my room, never taking his eyes off me. Ultimately, my husband was given two choices: jail or the mental hospital. He chose the mental hospital as I wasn’t a criminal….yet.  

Gaining a Diagnosis, But Grappling with Mismanaged Care

I spent the weekend at the hospital, but was never assessed by a provider. I was released the following Monday afternoon, and it was never spoken of again. That is, until the next manic episode happened in 2013. In between these timeframes, I was still binge drinking, essentially self-medicating as my moods were all over the place. During this time, I was irrational, elated, euphoric, irritable and hyper-sexual, with incredibly poor decisions made with feelings like I was untouchable. It was during that extended manic episode that I received my diagnosis. It didn’t come soon enough though, as I committed a financial crime during my mania as well, which is ultimately what led me on a path to recovery.

It took over four years of being mis-medicated and mistreated by a psychiatric provider before the time would come that my life felt saved. For many, finding a provider takes too much time, and to finally get an appointment takes even longer. I was so incredibly fortunate to find a new psychiatric provider within 2 weeks of deciding I needed a second opinion for management of my illness, and that is where everything started to turn around for me. This was at the end of 2017. 

During those four terrible years after diagnosis, my drinking was out of control, I couldn’t get a good job due to my convictions, and the crappy jobs I could get I was unable to hold on to thanks to my uncontrolled Bipolar Disorder, and I had gained 90 pounds, partially due to the meds I was on and the other part due to me using food and substances to try and cope with my issues. 

Finding Hope and True Healing Through Compassionate, Personal Care

Enter the psychiatric provider that saved my life in so many ways. She was a prior ER nurse who changed career paths to psychiatry, and she was everything I needed and more. I realized I had spent five years of my life living in a way I didn’t need to, miserable, a full-blown alcoholic, still having major episodes of mania and depression and destroying my family during that time. All those years, gone. Gone from happiness, from stability, from recovery. Those golden words, recovery. It is what we all strive for when living with adversity and illness, and finally, I was on my way.

We found the right cocktail of meds, the right therapy modalities and I got sober on April 17th, 2018. Side note: There is such a stigma about taking meds, and I will shout it from the rooftops that it is essential and acceptable and I would not be here without them. And by cocktail, I mean a juicy one. I currently still take most of those same meds, which totals 7. I have no shame or embarrassment about this. If it kept me stable, I would take 100. Sure, they come with some side effects, but nothing compares to what my mania or depression would look like without them. There’s my little PSA about meds. #endthestigma 

My medication regimen, my sobriety and intensive therapy, especially EMDR, was the trifecta I needed to get my mental illness in a controlled state, which allowed me to move into a place of recovery. This was a new journey for me, so different from the journey I had been on the six years prior. I was able to finally breathe again. To enjoy things again. 

Singing was such an important part of my life growing up and through my adulthood, and from 2014 to 2018, I shut music out of my life. Songs would come on that instantly triggered me into a panic attack. I felt all the shame and guilt come back to me when I would sing, as for so many years singing meant drinking which meant horrible behaviors and decisions. Even in the car, the radio would be off. I just couldn’t bring myself to feel that joy. But the joy was back. 

In addition to my journey of sobriety and mental stability, I started on a weight loss journey as well. Remember the 90 pounds I had gained? Lost ‘em! I lost 105 pounds between 2019 and 2020, so not only was I sober, stable and healthy, I was a SNACK! 

Living in The Moment, Celebrating Recovery, and Proving The Possibility of Recovery

There have been unexpected episodes with my mental illness during these last 6 years, and I used to be riddled with anxiety waiting for the other shoe to drop, every day. Therapy helped me realize I can’t live that way. I can’t focus on the past and I can’t control the future, all I can do is live in the now and tackle whatever comes, whenever it comes. 

My family is still on this wacky ride with me, they never gave up on me, and that brings tears to my eyes as I write this. My husband, Michael, and I are celebrating our 24th wedding anniversary on Halloween, I have my 3 beautiful girls by my side, and I am absolutely blessed to the core to have two new loves, my grandbabies. I have been through hell and back in my 42 years, but I am proof that recovery is possible. No matter what you’re struggling with, you have it within you to cope, to thrive, to heal. And always remember, you are not alone on your journey.

Author Bio:

A little about me, I am currently Board President of my local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) affiliate and Co-Chair of the Alliance for Mental Wellness Employee Resource Group at Renaissance Learning. I chose passion in all things, and one of those passions is mental health support, education and advocacy. My personal mission lines up with the NAMI mission, which is proving to be the perfect blending. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type I in 2013, and boy has it been a wild ride. I am also a wife, mom and grandma and without a doubt, laughing is my most favorite thing to do.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in these contributions are those of the individual author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Recovery.com.