Author: Caroline Beidler

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Christy’s Story: I Quit a Toxic Relationship with Alcohol

By Christy Osborne, Senior Certified Sobriety Coach, Author of Love Life Sober, A 40 Day Alcohol Fast, Co-Host and Founder of “But Jesus Drank Wine, and Other Stories That Kept Us Stuck” – a podcast and community.

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To the outside world, it appeared I had it all—a loving husband, two children, a popular blog, and even a part-time role as a royal commentator on Sky News. As an American living in London, I often posted glossy photos of myself with a glass of rosé in hand. But behind the scenes, my reality was far from picture-perfect.

I was exhausted. Every evening, I drank wine—sometimes two glasses, sometimes more. I woke up most mornings nursing a hangover, yet no one told me I had a problem. Everywhere I looked, women my age were doing the same—drinking as a treat, to relax, to reward themselves, to have fun, and to connect with partners and friends. Alcohol everywhere was totally normalized.

One morning in March 2020, I woke up with a particularly awful hangover. As I scrolled through my Instagram feed, my life felt increasingly inauthentic. Outwardly, I appeared happy, but inwardly, joy only seemed accessible when alcohol was involved. My family life looked perfect, but my relationship with my husband was strained, and alcohol was becoming a priority over my children. I often chose the sofa and a glass of wine over reading them a bedtime story.

I knew something had to change. But the thought of giving up alcohol terrified me. I couldn’t imagine socializing, going on holiday, attending a party, or even unwinding without a drink. 

I decided to conduct an experiment—to remove alcohol from my life and see what happened. Then, the pandemic hit, and we were literally, locked inside.

Here’s what I learned from my first 40 days of sobriety:

Week 1: The Awakening

The first step was becoming aware that I needed a break. I didn’t declare that I’d never drink again. I simply wanted to see if life would feel better without alcohol.

The first week was tough. Intense cravings hit, but I managed them by playing the tape forward—a tactic I now use with my coaching clients. I asked myself, “What does the full picture look like if I have that glass?”

The tape always ended the same way: one glass would lead to two, then to finishing the bottle. I’d wake up at 3 AM with a pounding headache and spend the next day exhausted. By evening, I’d reach for another drink to undo the hangover, perpetuating a vicious cycle. Recognizing this loop helped me resist.

That first week, my sleep was erratic, but I held on to the hope that good-quality sleep would come.

Fun fact: After just one week without alcohol, your liver begins to heal, and you reduce your risk of cancer. I was shocked to learn that alcohol is a class 1 carcinogen linked to seven types of cancer, including breast cancer.

Week 2: Weathering the Storm

By the second week, I started getting proper sleep. I learned that while alcohol may knock us out, it disrupts the REM sleep our bodies need. Without it, I was finally sleeping through the night without waking up for water or bathroom breaks. I began waking up with more energy.

However, my body was still detoxing. I experienced headaches and felt achy, but I reminded myself that this was part of the healing process. I took extra care of myself—early nights, naps, and mocktails to curb cravings.

Fun fact: After two weeks, your glucose levels stabilize, your cholesterol can drop by 5%, and your cortisol and adrenaline levels begin to balance.

Week 3: Transitioning Towards Tranquility

One reason I drank was to manage stress and anxiety. Imagine my surprise when I learned that alcohol actually raises cortisol and adrenaline, making life more stressful. I realized I had been drinking to cope with the very problems alcohol was creating.

By week three, I felt calmer. Tasks like folding laundry or clearing my inbox no longer felt overwhelming. My energy increased, and my sleep became more consistent. Each day brought new clarity.

Fun fact: Three weeks without alcohol can significantly improve gut health and nutrient absorption. A healthier gut means better mood regulation, thanks to improved serotonin production.

Week 4: Reaping Physical and Mental Benefits

By the fourth week, the changes were undeniable. I was sleeping soundly every night, and my skin looked noticeably better. Alcohol dehydrates the skin and depletes vitamin A, which is essential for collagen production. Without it, my skin regained its glow.

More importantly, my sense of joy returned. Alcohol suppresses the brain’s ability to produce dopamine and serotonin naturally, which is why regular drinkers often need alcohol to feel happiness. Without it, my mood improved steadily.

Fun fact: After four weeks without alcohol, liver fat can decrease by 20%, hydration levels improve, and your resting heart rate lowers.

If you’re curious about trying a 40-day break from alcohol yourself, my book, Love Life Sober: A 40 Day Alcohol Fast to Rediscover Your Joy, Improve Your Health, and Renew Your Mind, offers daily guidance, practical tips, and faith-based encouragement to support your journey.

Weeks 5 & 6: Embracing the New Normal

By weeks five and six, I had found my stride. I didn’t declare that I’d never drink again; I simply told myself, “I’m not drinking today because I feel better without it.”

My cravings dissipated as I experienced the benefits of sobriety. I realized that the reasons I used to drink were myths. It didn’t help me sleep. It wasn’t a real treat, given how awful I felt afterward. And it wasn’t even that fun anymore when I considered the headaches and hangxiety.

Fun fact: By six weeks, you’ve saved thousands of calories and potentially hundreds of pounds. Your stomach lining begins to heal, and cholesterol levels continue to drop.

1,765 Days Later: A Life Transformed

The first 40 days were hard, but they were worth it. At the time of writing this, I haven’t had a drink in 1,800 days. I’ve saved £35,340 and countless hours of hangover-induced misery.

Today, I run a successful life coaching practice helping women take a supported break from alcohol. My approach isn’t about labels or declarations. You don’t have to call yourself an alcoholic or say you have a problem. You can simply see if life feels better without alcohol and decide from there.

If you want structured support, my book Love Life Sober is a great place to start. It’s available on Amazon and at major bookstores. You’ll find it packed with personal insights, neuroscience-backed facts, and encouragement to help you find freedom from alcohol.

If I can do it, you can too.

To learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with me, follow me on Instagram @LoveLifeSoberwithChristy or visit my website, lovelifesober.co.uk.

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Would you like to share your recovery story with Recovery.com? Contact Recovery.com Contributor, Caroline Beidler, today at carolinebeidler@gmail.com to learn more!

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How Poetry Saved Alexander Schotten’s Life

It was snowing the first time Alexander read a poem he had written aloud…

He was in treatment then, a center made up of two old Victorian-style homes, planted in the middle of downtown. Outside, drug dealers moved through the alleyways like ghosts—lost souls, as he described them—meandering through a world that felt so close yet so far away. Sirens pierced the night, echoing the chaos in his mind, while inside, the creaking of stairs filled the air. Alexander often felt profoundly alone, even surrounded by the murmur of others. He spent nights stepping into the cold, lighting cigarette after cigarette, inhaling poison to survive the suffocating darkness.

To get to the group therapy center, he had to cross the street. It was winter in northern Wisconsin, and the small building where they met was barely heated. The old furnace would take half the session just to make the room livable, but that day, Alexander never stopped shivering. Partly, it was the cold—but mostly, it was fear. 

Not the reckless fear of using dangerous drugs or committing crimes to survive. This was a different kind of fear. It was raw, vulnerable, heart-gripping fear.

But he walked through it. For the first time in his recovery, Alexander chose to face it. He doesn’t remember much about the poem now—just that it had something to do with a mirror and the reflection he couldn’t bear to see. At the time, he thought it was Shakespearean-level genius, though he laughs about it now. What mattered wasn’t the words but the act of writing them and sharing them. It was the first time he allowed himself to be intentionally vulnerable and connected with others through art.

In the short term, that moment didn’t change his life. Alexander left treatment, relapsed, overdosed multiple times, and nearly didn’t survive. He threw away every opportunity to recover, until finally, prison became his reality.

Prison is where Alexander rediscovered poetry. It was also where he learned to count cards and gamble, an odd juxtaposition that still amuses him. In the early hours of the morning, while the institution slept and his cellmates dreamed of freedom, Alexander filled notebooks with his trauma. 

It became his secret, a small rebellion of self-expression in an environment so stuffed with pain that he says, “A single storm could have broken the dam.” Others in the prison who used art to cope taught him how to sharpen his craft. Through this, he began to gather the artistic tools that, one day, would help him paint a new path for himself on a canvas he never expected to find.

But again, this change didn’t happen overnight. After his release, Alexander didn’t touch a pen for four years. This time, he didn’t relapse—but recovery brought its own set of challenges. He traded drugs for alcohol and convinced himself he was doing fine because he wasn’t hitting rock bottom anymore. But deep down, he was stuck.

Where Things Began to Shift

After four years, Alexander finally picked up a pen again.

It wasn’t for poetry, not at first. The words were jagged, scattered—his mind was in pieces. But each sentence brought a new sense of clarity, and with that, a spark of something he hadn’t felt in a long time: hope.

He started carrying a notebook everywhere. Work, the bar, his car—it didn’t matter.

“I had to face myself on paper,” he would later say. “It was the only way I could hear my own voice over the noise of my past.”

Writing wasn’t just cathartic—it was his rebellion. Against the numbness. Against the mistakes. Against the years of silence. It was his way of reassembling the broken parts of himself.

When he finally started performing his poems, it wasn’t about getting applause. It was about being real. And the audience felt it. The vulnerability in his words spoke to them, and they responded. Alexander wasn’t the only one healing.

At a poetry slam one night, someone asked, “How did you make it out?”

He smiled softly. “I didn’t find peace. I found a pen. And with it, I found my voice.”

At that moment, it clicked.

Healing wasn’t about forgetting the past—it was about learning to live with it. Through poetry, Alexander had found a way to make his past a part of his story, not a weight holding him back.

For the first time in his life, he wasn’t just surviving. He was living—fully, authentically, at peace with his past and the person he had grown to be.

Would you like to share your recovery story with Recovery.com? Contact Recovery.com Contributor, Caroline Beidler, today to learn more!

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What Comes Next? Kristi’s Journey to Building a Purposeful Life

When Kristi Younkin first became sober, she faced a self-reflective question: “What comes next?”  

Recovery had given her a new beginning, but filling that blank area she had never known with purpose required focus, effort, and vision.

Kristi knew she had to start smaller. She started with a simple yet effective self-task: writing down her goals. One of her primary goals was to regain her physical health. As a member of the Air Force, she always struggled with the annual physical training test, often just barely making her way through it. Sobriety offered a chance to regain her strength

On a small notepad, Kristi began documenting her daily workouts. 

Every day, she journaled her progress: Push-ups, sit-ups, jumping rope without stopping, running. For Kristi, tracking her progress became a ritual and a way to stay accountable to herself.

“It felt so good to be motivated and to be working towards something positive, instead of against what was unhealthy for me.”

Over time Kristi saw the improvement, not only in her physical appearance, but in her mindset too.

“I lost 15 pounds during that process, and it made such a difference—not just physically, but mentally too,” she said “Seeing my progress on paper reminded me that I was capable of change and growth.”

Looking Into The Future

Sobriety was not just about letting go of the past; it was about looking into her future self. She encourages anyone in recovery to start visualizing their better self. 

• What goals excite you?

• What’s something you’ve always wanted to achieve?

Kristi realized early on that focusing on the possibilities ahead could help quiet the pull of old habits. “I stayed so busy pursuing my goals that I didn’t have time to think about using or drinking,” she explains. “Your future is this amazing opportunity—you just have to step into it.”

For some, those goals might be their relationships at home, or getting a degree. For others, it might mean finding a fulfilling career, traveling the world, or simply creating a life founded in stability theyve never had. Whatever the vision is, Kristi believes the key is to focus on realistic, and manageable goals. 

“Don’t waste your energy rehashing the past,” she advises. “Instead, pour everything you have into building something beautiful. Your future is yours to create.”

Navigating the Journey

Recovery is not an easy journey. Kristi is the first to acknowledge that the emotions of early sobriety can feel overwhelming and scary. But over time, she has learned to view feelings as temporary waves—intense but fleeting. 

“Feelings are just feelings,” she says. “They come and go, and that’s okay. Don’t let them derail you.”

For her, connecting with others in a recovery community is another ongoing and vital part of her journey. She finds strength and stability in the friendships she intentionally cultivates at her church, in recovery spaces, and in the greater community. By focusing on relationships and being an active participant in her community, she not only supports her own sobriety journey, she also finds joy and meaning in helping others on their path to wellness.

“Just because you’re starting your recovery journey doesn’t mean you can’t support someone else along the way,” she explains. “Sometimes, sharing your story or lending a hand is exactly what you need to stay grounded.”

A Life Transformed

Today, Kristi reflects on her journey full of gratitude. Sobriety not only helped her get back into shape but also gave her the tools to build an impactful life for herself and others. From setting goals to making new connections, she’s found purpose in the process she wouldn’t have otherwise.

“This time in your life is so exciting,” she says. “You’re building something incredible, one step at a time.”

Her advice to others is to start simple: Dream big, start small, and don’t be afraid to ask for help along the way. 

Kristi now travels the world in her retirement, a dream she once thought was out of reach. She hopes her recovery story will inspire others to embrace their own recovery journey with hope and determination.

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Dr. Victoria Burns: Why I Do This Work

“Sometimes, all it takes to change someone’s life is letting them see what’s possible.”

Have you ever thought about how your story might impact someone else? Not in a crazy, world-changing way—but in a smaller, personal way that could inspire someone to imagine a better life. It’s an impactful idea, and Dr. Victoria Burns is living proof.

Years ago, addiction, trauma, and chronic illness weighed on her life. Recovery felt out of reach, almost like a dream. But one moment changed everything—a single conversation with a stranger that planted a seed of hope in her mind.

A Night That Changed Everything

Let’s go back to a Halloween party during Dr. Burns’ time as a doctoral student at McGill University. She met Ben, another student, who stood out with his kindness and easygoing nature. When he offered her a drink from the punch bowl but didn’t take one himself, she asked why.

His answer was simple: “I’ve been in recovery for 25 years.”

That’s it. No lectures, no judgment—just honesty. But those words stuck with her. He was the first person she’d ever met who talked openly about being in recovery, and it gave her a glimmer of something she hadn’t thought possible.

Months later, at her lowest, she remembered Ben’s words. That tiny, offhanded comment became a lifeline she could hold onto as she started her own journey to recovery.

How Stories Shape Us

Ben’s openness revealed a simple but impactful truth: stories shape the way we see the world—and ourselves. As Nigerian poet Ben Okri once said, “We live by stories; we also live in them. If we change the stories we live by, we change our lives.”

For Dr. Burns, Ben’s story gave her permission to rewrite her own. Inspired by his example, she embraced recovery and found a new sense of purpose. Today, she’s not just thriving—she’s helping others do the same. You can too. 

Creating a Community of Hope

Dr. Burns has dedicated her career to ensuring others feel that same spark of hope. She founded the UCalgary Recovery Community (UCRC) and Recovery on Campus (ROC) Alberta—programs that give people in recovery a place to connect, find support, and meet their own “Bens.”

Through her work, she’s showing people that recovery isn’t just achievable: it’s worth celebrating. She emphasizes that visibility matters, when others see what’s possible, it opens the door for them to create and imagine better future.

How You Can Be a Ben

You don’t need to start big to make a difference. Small actions can and do  have a big impact, just like Ben’s did. Here are a few ways you can support recovery in many ways and inspire hope to those who need it most:

Be Open: If you’re comfortable, share your story. You never know who might need to hear it.

Build Connection: Find or create spaces where recovery is supported and celebrated. Community makes all the difference.

Challenge Stigma: Speak out against harmful stereotypes about addiction. Education and empathy can break down barriers.

Offer Encouragement: A kind word or a simple gesture can mean more than you realize.

We All Have Struggles

Recovery may look different for everyone, but the underlying truth is the same: we all face challenges. And when we share our stories, we remind each other that no one has to go it alone.

Dr. Burns puts it best: “Ben’s decision to recover out loud changed my story. If we all strive to ‘Be a Ben,’ we can help others imagine a brighter future.”

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Stepping into What’s Next: Starting the New Year with Intention

The start of every new year can bring a variety of emotions—hope, curiosity, and sometimes a little bit (or a lot) of pressure to make changes.

For anyone in recovery, whether that’s recovery from addiction, trauma, or simply unhealthy habits, the new year can feel like a fresh start. But it can also be a reminder of the work ahead, which can be intimidating. 

Can we really start the new year in a hopeful and healthy place?

Can we really make lasting changes?

I firmly believe that we can. I think that instead of viewing the new year as a moment for drastic resolutions or impossible goals that seem out of reach, why not see it as an opportunity to take a step forward? One step at a time.

In Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change the authors share that change is not linear. Change happens “over time. With stops and starts, along a crooked line. With practice. With ambivalence […]. When the tradeoffs seems worth it. With a little help–sometimes a lot of help–from friends and family. With anguish. With effort. With joy.”

Progress in recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about small, meaningful actions that add up over time. We can start the new year with intentional change.

How Far Have We Come?

Before going head first into change, it might be helpful to take a look back. Not focusing on the negative or the struggles, but on the moments we show up for ourselves. The days when we made even the smallest choices that have moved us toward a better place.

Did we set boundaries that protected our peace? Maybe we made healthier choices, even when it felt difficult. Or perhaps we simply stayed in the game, even when we felt like giving up would be easier. These moments matter, and they are the foundation for what comes next. We need to celebrate the small wins along the way as we prepare to make changes for the future.

Why Do Resolutions Often Fail?

The “New Year, New Me” mentality is everywhere. But it can be a trap. Recovery is already a deeply personal and intentional process and adding extra pressure to overhaul your entire life by February isn’t always helpful.

“Change is a process, not an event.”

Instead of resolutions, can we consider setting intentions for change? Intentions are more flexible and focused on the journey rather than the outcome or strict timeline. They are, in a sense, systems for living. As James Clear notes in his book Atomic Habits: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

For example:

Instead of “I’ll exercise every day,” try “I’ll move my body in ways that feel good.”

Instead of “I’ll quit all my bad habits immediately,” try “I’ll work on one area at a time.”

Instead of “I’ll fix everything,” try “I’ll approach challenges with patience and self-compassion.” 

Focusing on more fluid systems of change can be a more compassionate way to approach change in the new year.

Celebrating the Journey

If there’s one thing recovery shows us, it’s that we are not meant to do this, including change, alone. People need connection and a healthy community for accountability and support. 

One powerful way to create connection is by reaching out to people who share your journey. A benefit of the internet is that there is an abundant of ways to do that. This could mean joining a recovery group, finding a mentor, or even just spending time with friends who make you feel revitalized and who are also committed to making positive changes in the new year. If in-person options are not accessible, online communities can be just as meaningful. Recovery thrives on shared experiences and mutual understanding.

Re-imagining What’s Meaningful in the New Year

The start of a new year is a perfect time to reimagine what’s meaningful and decide what changes you want to make and why. Maybe past traditions or routines don’t feel like they fit anymore. Maybe you are ready to take your recovery to the next level. Maybe you don’t identify as being “in recovery,” but you want to choose a substance-free life for other reasons, including health reasons. 

Think about what makes you feel alive. Is it spending time in nature? Learning a new skill? Reflecting on your goals? These new changes don’t have to be grand or complicated—they just have to feel right for you.

For example, you could start a weekly ritual of journaling about what you’re grateful for or reflecting on your progress. Or maybe you dedicate time each month to trying something new, like a hobby you’ve always been curious about. Playing guitar. Taking up knitting. Rock climbing. Writing. Cooking. The options are endless. Introducing new changes can anchor you and give you something to look forward to.

Stepping Into What’s Next

As we all move into this new year, carry this with you: recovery isn’t just about leaving things behind. It’s about building something new. It’s about finding purpose, creating connection, and continuing to make changes, even when it’s hard.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to be perfect. What matters is that you are here, willing to take the next step.

Let this year be one of progress, intention, and self-compassion.

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Coping with Loneliness During the Holidays and Finding Connection and Joy: Caroline Beidler

The holiday season is often depicted as a time of celebration, family gatherings, and festive cheer. But for many, it can be a period of deep loneliness. 

Have you ever heard the phrase, “no man is an island?” 

It was penned in the 1600s by English poet, John Donne. He had lived through some stark, tragic times including a plague. Sounds rough, right? This tortured poet knew hardship. 

Have you been there? Maybe you are feeling the loneliness setting in now as the holidays are drawing close or coming to an end. Perhaps you have a bit more comfort than a 16th-century poet, but chances are you can connect with the feeling of being out on an island alone. 

In my own personal journey of recovery, there have been times when loneliness threatened to drown me, especially around the holidays. My substance use disorder pushed me further away from people, yet my heart needed and longed for connection. It was a cycle of pain that bred feelings of isolation for years, although I desperately longed for the type of community that I have since found in recovery.

Loneliness during the holidays can feel especially challenging, as all of the Target ads show glittering people with glistening smiles. The world reflects images of perfect families, joyful reunions, and hot cups of shared cocoa. Yet, loneliness does not have to define our experiences this holiday season or anytime throughout the year. We can create meaningful connections and find joy even during the most difficult times.

The Hidden Struggles of the Holidays

For many, the expectations surrounding the holidays can feel overwhelming. We see images on social media or hear stories of families coming together, and it can be easy to feel like we don’t measure up. Like our stories don’t matter. For those dealing with loss, whether from the death of a loved one to substance use or the end of a relationship, the absence can be especially painful.

The holidays can also trigger old wounds or stir up grief, making us more aware of who or what we are missing. In recovery, the season may present challenges as we balance sobriety with social gatherings (often associated with substance use) or family dynamics that can be emotionally painful and make us want to find the nearest deserted island.

What’s important to remember is that loneliness is not permanent. There are ways to address how we are feeling and even actions that we can take. 

Recognizing Loneliness as an Opportunity for Self-Reflection

What if we viewed loneliness as an opportunity for self-reflection or self-awareness? Quiet, still moments can have a purpose, too. We can think about our goals for the new year, explore a new hobby, journal, or meditate on what truly brings us peace.

Practices like journaling can help us to process challenging emotions and gain clarity. If you’re struggling with loss or grief, expressing your thoughts on paper can be a powerful tool. Writing is like having a deep heart-talk with ourselves. For me personally, I know that sometimes in writing I come to discover my thoughts, as if I am meeting them out for coffee for the first time.

Additionally, consider making a list of gratitude. This simple act can shift our perspective, helping us focus on what we have, not what is missing. If we are in recovery, chances are we have had the chance to be irritated by someone telling us to “write a gratitude list.” It might be irritating at times, but this is suggested because it works. Gratitude practices have been shown to improve mental health by increasing optimism and fostering mindfulness. 

Finding New Ways to Connect

We can connect in new ways during the holiday season if our families of origin or other friends are not healthy people we can be around or if we find ourselves feeling lonely for any reason. Feeling isolated during the holidays can also highlight the important need for connection. But connection doesn’t always have to come in the form of traditional family gatherings. There are many ways to reach out and form bonds with others during this time.

1. Reach Out to Healthy Friends: Get in touch with people you trust. When we are feeling lonely, sometimes that phone is heavy. It is hard to pick up the phone to text or call someone that may be a support for us. But even a simple phone call, text message, or video chat can make a difference. Let them know you’re thinking of them, and you might find that they’re experiencing similar feelings of loneliness or isolation.

2. Join a Support or Recovery Group: If you’re in recovery or dealing with grief this season or any time during the year, connecting with others who have been there can be transformative. There are many options for support that move us from our islands and into spaces where others may be feeling the same things we are feeling or who have experienced the same things. A safe space, either in-person or virtual, can help us find encouragement and the support we need to feel less alone.

3. Volunteer: One of the best ways to overcome feelings of loneliness is by helping others. Volunteering or being of service allows us to connect with our community and experience the joy of giving. Whether it’s serving meals at a shelter or church, helping at a local recovery community center or treatment center, or participating in other community events, showing up for others can help us feel less alone and more a part of something outside of ourselves.

Building Meaningful Traditions for Yourself

Sometimes, loneliness is exacerbated by a sense of loss or the absence of past traditions. Maybe your memory of holidays brings back trauma you experienced as a child. This holiday season, consider creating new traditions that reflect your values and recovery now. It’s exciting to think that we can create new ways to honor the seasons that are healthy and life-giving.

For example, you might start a tradition of reflecting on the past year and setting goals for the upcoming one. You could create a ritual of lighting candles each evening, journaling, or learning a new hobby you enjoy playing guitar or painting. New traditions can provide a sense of comfort and continuity, regardless of external circumstances. They can help us to embrace the present.

Seeking Professional Help if Needed

If loneliness feels overwhelming and is affecting your ability to function, it might be time to reach out for professional support or treatment. Addiction treatment can help you or a loved one manage difficult emotions and feelings of loneliness and help provide healthy coping strategies and tools.

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How to Handle Holiday Triggers, Family Dynamics, and Stay True to Your Recovery: Caroline Beidler

It’s beginning to look a lot like…the holidays. For those of us in or seeking addiction and mental health recovery, this time of year can bring up fond memories and important reminders of why we want to be sober.

This time of year, however, can also bring up family drama, unresolved trauma, and a whole host of triggers that can make November through the first of the year feel almost unbearable.

The holiday season is a time for joy, connection, and celebration. For many of us in recovery, it can also trigger anxiety, emotional strain, and even the urge to revert to old coping mechanisms. Family dynamics, past memories, and the social pressures of the season can become overwhelming, especially when recovery feels fragile or uncertain.

The good news is that while you can’t control the actions of others or the triggers that may surface, you have complete control over how you respond. There are things that we can do to not only set healthy boundaries but also protect our recovery in a way that promotes inner peace and well-being during the entire year, not just 

when… the weather outside is frightful.

Understand Your Triggers

Just like recovery can be a unique, individualized process, so too are the triggers or challenges that may come. These can be different and can include things that might seem obvious: going to a bar, a favorite liquor store or dealer’s house, or another person, place, or thing that is associated with our using days.

Triggers can also be unexpected, such as a smell, taste, or song. Sometimes, painful memories or temptations surface when we least expect them, in the most unsuspecting ways.

The holidays can also bring a sense of nostalgia for many of us surrounding our substance use. Family gatherings can be like a boxing ring with tensions high, old patterns surfacing, and even substances like alcohol present that offer an easy “out” for those uncomfortable feelings and emotions.

Especially when our loved ones don’t understand what recovery is or if they struggle with their own substance use challenges.

For some of us in recovery, triggers might include:

Unhealthy family dynamics: Loved ones who don’t understand our journey, or speak and act in stigmatizing or exclusionary ways may unintentionally (or intentionally) bring up uncomfortable, hurtful things like past behavior. You may even have to dodge offers for a drink or another substance.

Holiday expectations: Think Clark Griswold from one of my all-time favorite Christmas movies. The pressure to recreate the perfect holiday season may amplify tensions, feelings of stress and guilt, or even loneliness, which can wreak havoc with our mental health, which might already feel fragile.

Old traditions: One of my favorite past traditions around the holidays was isolating. I would show up for the meal and then bolt as soon as I could. Whether it’s binge eating, drinking, or other “old traditions” that may be tough to let go of, what is easy or comfortable can feel tempting when we are navigating the stress of the season.

Acknowledging, understanding, and being on guard against these triggers is the first step in being mindful of holidays in recovery. Whether you have a tough time believing it yet or not, the holidays don’t have to be a season of stress—they can become a time for deepening your self-awareness and nurturing your recovery.

Practice Boundary Setting

At its core, setting boundaries is about protecting our space. Our hearts, minds, physical selves, and spirits. 

Boundaries are about recognizing what feels safe for us and taking action (even when it’s tough) to ensure our well-being is prioritized and respected. When we think of boundaries, we often think of them as walls, but in reality, they’re more like shields that allow us to continue living and engaging with the world, but on our own terms.

Healthy boundaries let you engage in the holidays without compromising your values, your recovery, or your peace of mind. They aren’t about creating conflict, instead they are about protecting our peace, mental health, recovery. 

So how can we create boundaries with intention this holiday season?

Say “No” with Love

Boundaries also involve the art of saying no. It’s easy to feel guilty or pressured into attending every event or meeting every expectation, but the truth is, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace. Saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s a form of self-care.

If a holiday gathering feels overwhelming, it’s okay to skip it. You don’t need to be everywhere or do everything. 

It might sound silly, but you can practice saying no. Sometimes this means sending a text instead of calling so that you can firmly state your “no” without anyone trying to argue or dissuade you. 

What matters is that you’re being true to your values and protecting your recovery. 

If someone does pressure you, or pushes back on the boundary you set, you can still respond in a kind, but firm way: 

“I’m choosing to rest tonight, but I appreciate the invite.”

“This doesn’t work for me today. Let’s get together for lunch another time.”

“Right now, I’m not able to attend. Thanks for offering.”

Remember, you can say no with love. A friend once told me that most people aren’t concerned about you, they are more concerned about themselves. We are also not responsible for other people’s feelings or expectations. We can control what we can which is our own mental health and recovery.

Prepare for Holiday Challenges

Another way to stay true to our recovery during the holiday season is to prepare for the challenges before they arise. Before that family gathering that is keeping you up at night,, take some time to meditate on what is important to you. What are your values? What are your limits?  What are my non-negotiables? 

What situations, people, or places tend to trigger discomfort, stress, or temptation?

Once you’ve identified your boundaries, communicate them clearly with your family or close friends. Be assertive about what you need to feel safe—whether it’s saying no to alcohol, limiting certain conversations, or avoiding particular gatherings. Assertiveness is key. It’s okay to stand firm in your decisions, even if others may not understand them.

For example, if a family member offers you a drink, you can politely but firmly respond with: “I’m in recovery, so I don’t drink anymore. Thanks for understanding.” Setting that boundary may feel uncomfortable at first, but remember—your well-being is the priority.

Shift Your Perspective

Mindset is an integral part of the recovery process as we continue to heal. As we navigate the season, we can focus on having a recovery mindset. Instead of seeing boundaries as barriers or limitations, we can view them as tools that enable us to live with greater freedom. Boundaries are not walls that keep us isolated. There is a surprising and welcome joy that comes when we live true to our values, when we love ourselves too.

We can also view the holidays as a time when we can create new traditions and memories—ones that honor our recovery, uphold our well-being. Some of my favorite holiday times now is when I can create new experiences with my family: Decorating the tree sober, hiking in the woods, making ginger bread house, going to our church children’s Christmas pageant rehearsals. These moments can be opportunities to build new associations, replacing old triggers, tensions, and stress with what the season is really about.

Stay True to Our Recovery

This holiday season, let’s take time to reflect on how we can stay true to our recovery.

  • What triggers can we understand and address in new ways?
  • How can we practice saying “no” with love?
  • When can preparing for holiday challenges help prevent more struggles?
  • How can shifting perspective and having a recovery mindset help us enjoy the season in new ways?

We have the joy and honor of creating new holiday memories that reflect our values of recovery. This time of year does not have to be a time of stress or a recurrence of use. With support, we can take positive action to not only handle the struggles of the season but also come to appreciate and experience the joys in new ways.

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Staying Goal-Focused After Sobriety

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You might ask “what’s next after gaining sobriety?”  Healing from substance misuse will be life-changing. 

One of the first things I did after getting sober was to start writing a list of goals for my future.

My first goal to focus on was to get my body back into shape. I was in the Air Force and struggled huffing and puffing to get through the annual physical training test. I grabbed a small note pad and started recording down all my work-out efforts for each day. I wrote down how many push-ups and sit-ups I did in one minute. I recorded how many times I jumped rope and my run times for each day.  Keeping track of my exercises in the note pad kept me accountable, and I could visually see my numbers and times progress to a better fitness level.

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I also lost 15 pounds which helped me feel so much better physically and mentally. The final result of these steps that I took each day to get back into shape came to fruition and thus achieved the goal. 

What are your goals in sobriety? How do you picture it?  What do you want the future to look like? 

These are great questions to figure out your next steps and focus in on them.  This should also provide you with a sense of motivation.  Write these goals down and start to pursue them.  Do you want to go to school? Start a family? Find a career or job?  This is all exciting! You will be so busy in perusing your goals that you won’t have time to think about using or drinking. 

Don’t look back at your past to re-hash it all; instead, look forward and stay focused on your future to make it awesome! 

You will have lots of feelings and emotions while obtaining sobriety, but feelings are just feelings.  You let them come and go and just ride the wave. Don’t focus too much on them.  If you don’t know where to start, ask others who have some years of sobriety. They may know of different resources available to help you start your goals. Your local library should also have a wealth of information on resources available to you. 

Connecting with people at meetings will help you feel stable by focusing on them.  Just because you are starting your recovery journey doesn’t mean you can’t help others as well.  Finding other sober friends to hang out is a huge part of the recovery process and a necessary one.

Staying focused on achieving your goals and forming connections with new friends is tantamount to keeping your sobriety.  Look forward to this new exciting time of your life!

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Kristi traveling around the world, 2024

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Casey’s Story: Celebrating Fatherhood and Recovery

Casey Steckling is a licensed social worker and addiction counselor in southwest Ohio who is passionate about working with people in recovery at Emerge Recovery. It is a treatment center as well as a trade school to help men get on track in recovery and take back their lives with a step into the trade schools leading them to job and financial security. 

He is also a person in long-term recovery for the last eighteen years, as well as a father of three children. He says:

“My children have been a grace that came directly out of my recovery, as I was ten years sober when my daughter was born. It has been possible for me to have great patience when changing diapers, dealing with tantrums, having hard conversations, and teaching them respect for life, because I’ve been living on borrowed time.” 

In Casey’s words: 

I am a person in long-term recovery for the last eighteen years, as well as a father of three. My kids would not be here if it weren’t for my recovery. I have a seven-year-old daughter, a five-year-old son, and a two-year-old daughter, and I recently lost a son at 24 weeks. 

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My kids would not be here if it weren’t for my recovery. 

My children have been a grace that came directly as a result of my choosing to get well and seek sobriety. 

I was ten years sober when my daughter was born. It has been possible for me to have great patience when changing diapers, dealing with tantrums, having hard conversations, and teaching them respect for life, because I’ve been living on borrowed time. 

I recognize I should not be here, and by proxy, neither should they. Recovery has afforded me every moment, every day, and hour I’ve been allowed to spend with them. It has also given me a perspective of peace that I pray is injected into my daily conversations and the loving care that I provide for them. I value nothing more than God, my wife, my children, and the precious time that I’ve been given because I chose to abstain. 

I’ve worked as a recovery counselor and social worker for more than a decade now, and I’ve seen countless men who are trying to reconcile with their kids. Many of those men have done difficult things, have abandoned their families, or allowed their shame to chase them away from who God created them to be. If those men cannot present as a stable and helpful force in the lives of their children, those kids may continue the unhealthy cycle of addiction. 

The most beautiful gift about my fatherhood is that it is something everyone can relate to.

They either had a dad, or wished they had (a good one). That means that when I am advocating for recovery, I always mention my fatherhood. This is a perfect picture of what society supports when they help save the life of a person-in-recovery. They (and God) have given the world the gift of my children, because they supported my recovery. 

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Take it Out of the Circle: 

Here are a series of practical applications based on Casey’s story. Share in the comments below what moves you or ideas you have, too! The circle widens when you share your recovery, wisdom, and hope. 

  • Surround yourself with other men or individuals in recovery who model the kind of life you want to live. Mentorship can be a powerful force that shares hope with us and motivates us to keep going when things get tough.
  • Set boundaries. It is simple to jump into intimate relationships, sometimes toxic ones, early in recovery. Taking time to get to know ourselves in sobriety and become the kind of people we want to be with someday can pay dividends for the future.
  • Access supports that provide family-centric and holistic support. Ensuring care and treatment for our loved ones, including children, can be a great way to involve the whole family in the recovery process.
  • Share your story. Maybe you feel moved to share your recovery story in a visible way. Make a post on social media or submit a story for the Circle of Chairs blog. Giving others hope can also help us continue on the path of health and healing.