Author: Grace Ogren

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Elevate Your Life: Jay Shetty’s 10 Ways to Think Like a Monk

Jay Shetty, now an author and purpose coach, lived as a monk for 3 years. He left a steady (but empty) corporate job to pursue a monk’s fulfilling, mindful life. He spent three years learning, serving, and unlocking new ways to live. After returning to his prior life, Shetty found many others desperately needed what he learned as a monk.

Shetty’s personal growth and newfound purpose fueled his desire to help others think like monks. He found that everyone—corporate CEOs, celebrities, and layfolk alike—could change the way they see the world, themselves, and their loved ones. This would lead to a new, intentional way of living that creates greater joy and purpose. 

We’ll explore 10 key takeaways from Jay Shetty’s Think Like a Monk (a #1 New York Times Bestseller) you can use to improve your life. 

Takeaway #1: Audit Your Time

Jay Shetty begins his book with an appeal to audit your time and see where you’re spending it. He points out how easy it is to spend fruitless hours on social media, watching television, or consuming other forms of media. Spending too much time steeped in others’ opinions and lives can make it hard to figure out your own.

Other pursuits can take up too much time, too. After considering where and how you spend your time, you may notice a disproportionate bulk of it is spent on work. Or, you may spend too much time “putzing”. It’s easy to misplace time, but when it’s optimized and audited, Shetty found it’s more than possible to spend it on things that actually make you well and fulfilled. 

Takeaway #2: Live Intentionally and Consciously

Jay Shetty found intentionality to be one of the core aspects of a monk’s mindset. Monks spoke intentionally, reflected and meditated intentionally, and made intentional decisions. To do that, they had to also be aware of themselves, their emotions, and the impacts those and their choices would have. 

If they did something or even ate something, a monk would know the driving force behind it and why they were driven to that point. These 2 aspects, intention and awareness, help monks and others feel more present and confident in life’s big and small parts. 

Takeaway #3: Stay Disciplined

Shetty learned discipline as a monk and how staying disciplined helped him achieve goals and find mental wellness. He and other monks would follow strict schedules and regimes, like meditation for hours straight and fasting. Shetty found he could mirror this discipline in all other areas of his life, which made goals more achievable.

For example, you could set daily schedules for yourself or time limits for certain activities. If you need to get a project done, block off time on your calendar and mute your phone. Stay focused for the time you set, including breaks in the schedule as needed. 

Takeaway #4: Prioritize Self-Control

To quote Shetty, “We are not our minds.” Prioritizing self-control allowed him and other monks to live unbound by emotions, desires, and impulses. Rather than being governed by thoughts, Shetty worked to control how he thought and the behaviors connected to them. 

Self-control also helps break the pattern of procrastination. Knowing you need to get something done can be all you need to get something done, rather than letting yourself procrastinate or come up with excuses. 

Takeaway #5: Focus on Long-Term Gains

Much of what Jay Shetty learned, including the life-changing benefits of monk life, didn’t appear right away. Part of what got him through hunger, cold, and exhaustion were the long-term gains waiting at the end. He found this future vision applicable in and out of monk life.

Setting goals or creating an ideal for yourself, your relationships, or your career is easy. But staying committed can feel much harder. That’s why Shetty focuses on long-term gains as a way to keep the end goal in sight, stay motivated, and keep working hard. 

Takeaway #6: Practice Single-Tasking

Single-tasking helps you stay present. Jay Shetty points out 98% of people can’t multitask, or at least not well. Single-tasking, as opposed to multi-tasking, allows you to deeply focus on one thing at a time, rather than hopping from task to task. 

Shetty makes this easier for himself by staying off his phone during work, having “no tech” zones in his house, and practicing mindfulness when he completes mundane tasks, like showering. Focusing only on the task at hand allows him to experience it deeply and focus his attention elsewhere only as needed.

Single-tasking may be an adjustment, but it can slowly develop into a habit and teach your brain to notice and appreciate the small things mindfully. 

Takeaway #7: Remain in Gratitude

Jay Shetty highlights the intersection of gratitude and kindness. He and other monks remained in a near-constant state of gratitude, finding small things to appreciate every moment. And since gratitude can make you happier1, Shetty and his peers could feel content and happy even in situations most of us may see as bleak. Gratitude can make you more appreciative of all your small gifts, like warm food, a place to sleep, and having people you love.

Expressing gratitude towards others inspires kindness and more gratitude, which keeps feeding the cycle. This cycle in your relationships can make them healthier and happier, whether with a loved one, peer, boss, or coworker.

Takeaway #8: Manage Your Ego

Shetty found ego, or thinking too highly of yourself, isolates and hinders growth. Judgment coincides with ego and can make us overly conscious of other people’s opinions and focus too much on how we might be better than another. Ego can prevent open-mindedness, hampering growth.

As a monk, Shetty took on mundane tasks and chores to keep his temple running, like peeling potatoes or cleaning up after animals. Wisdom helped him realize his own ego got in the way of enjoying these tasks and reaping their benefits. Humility, he found, worked as an elixir for ego and allowed him to gain the rewards of an open mind. 

Takeaway #9: Adjust Your Perspective

Little issues can feel huge, affecting your well-being more than the issue deserves. Jay Shetty found it helpful to keep a clear perspective and adjust your worries and stresses accordingly. He encourages making a scale from 1-10, with 1 being a non-issue and 10 being devastating (like losing a loved one). Think about this:

  • Where does rejection or getting stuck in traffic fall on the scale? Based on where they fall, how should it affect you?

Takeaway #10: Live to Serve

Jay Shetty says, “The highest purpose is to live in service.” Why? In short, Shetty learned that self-lessness heals the self. Shetty acknowledges it can be hard to think about others when it seems like we need so much healing ourselves. But his time as a monk proved he didn’t need to be perfect to start helping others. 

Serving can look like many things. You may give others your time, money, food, clothing, or share the roof over your head. Hosting a dinner, for example, allows you to give others many forms of happiness—food, time, and someplace safe to gather. You could also donate money to a charity of your choice, volunteer your time at non-profits, or act with confidentiality when someone confides in you about their joys and sorrows. This gives your friends a person they can deeply trust.

Some monks practice this by owning no material possessions, but as Shetty points out, that likely won’t work for everyone. How you use your possessions aligns with a life of service. 

How You Think Like a Monk Is Up to You

Whatever takeaways speak to you most, any and all can lead you down a path to greater joy. Insights from the book have inspired thousands worldwide, helping them break free from unhealthy thought patterns and baseless stress holding them back. 


You can learn more about Think Like a Monk and where to buy it by going to Jay Shetty’s website.

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What Is a Gateway Drug?

A gateway drug is a legal or more socially acceptable drug that, once used, could lead to illicit drug use and addiction. Notably, gateway drugs and the gateway drug theory refer to adolescent drug use and how abstaining from all drugs in adolescence can help them avoid illicit drug use and addiction as adults.  

The gateway drug theory1 suggests using “soft” drugs like alcohol, tobacco, or marijuana in adolescence predisposes teens and young adults to use “hard” drugs like cocaine. Order matters in the theory—cocaine use doesn’t lead to alcohol use, but it can be true the other way around.

Researchers haven’t conclusively agreed on the truth of the gateway theory, since not everyone who drinks or smokes becomes addicted or starts using a harder drug. Some people can use gateway drugs and never struggle with illicit drug use. The real connection, some say, is age of onset, preexisting mental health conditions, and genetic predisposition. 

What Are Common Gateway Drugs?

Gateway drugs are almost always legal (in some states), broadly accessible, socially accepted, and easy to ingest. Three primary gateway drugs include:

  1. Alcohol

Alcohol is a prevalent, easily accessed, and socially promoted substance across all age groups. Teens and adolescents may feel pressure to drink with other peers or want to experiment. Some teens can drink occasionally without issue, but one study also found children ages 12-17 who drank alcohol were 50% more likely to later use cocaine2. 

  1. Nicotine

Cigarettes and vapes contain nicotine, a psychoactive component of tobacco. Daily smoking or vaping was found to lead to marijuana use1 and other hard drugs. Those who smoke were found to be 19x more likely to use cocaine2, compared to teens who didn’t smoke.

  1. Marijuana

Marijuana (also called weed) is a psychoactive chemical that comes from the cannabis plant. It’s legal in some states but commonly used whether it’s legal or not. Weed can be smoked, eaten, or applied topically. It has a pungent mossy odor.

Some teens who used cannabis were 85x more likely to use cocaine2. Another study found teens who use marijuana usually don’t use harder drugs later on. The connection depends not solely on marijuana use1; age of use, timing, and the teen’s mental state primarily provide the ‘gateway’ effect.

Which Drug Is Often a Gateway to Other Drugs?

One particular drug doesn’t always lead to illicit drug use. Taking any psychoactive substance can increase the likelihood of adult substance use1, particularly stronger drugs like cocaine. 

Alcohol and nicotine could be considered more common gateway drugs because both are legal and easy to access, whereas weed isn’t always legal and can be harder to get. 

Are Gateway Drugs Addictive?

Gateway drugs can be addictive. Alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana can all affect and change the brain3, leading to dependence and eventual addiction. Just because they’re legal and common doesn’t mean they’re safe. 

For example, about 29.5 million Americans have been diagnosed with alcohol use disorder4. In 2020, alcohol killed more people than COVID-19. Similarly, nicotine is highly addictive5, and the action of smoking/vaping is reinforcing. 

Are Gateway Drugs Not as Serious as Other Drugs?

No, gateway drugs are serious. Any psychoactive substance can harm your mind and body, unless taken under clinical advice and supervision. 

The World Health Organization (WHO) recently released a statement that “no level of alcohol consumption is safe.”6 Any amount of alcohol, they say, is toxic and has the potential to cause harm and dependence. 

Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances7, found to be as addictive as “hard” drugs like heroin and cocaine. Nicotine also takes effect right away (or as soon as you smoke or vape), which can worsen the rewarding effect and prompt frequent redoses. Starting small can quickly turn into an addiction.

Marijuana can affect your brain, heart, lungs, and learning capacity. Issues with memory, concentration, and learning can be permanent. Marijuana and tobacco smoke both contain carcinogens10 too, which can cause cancer.

Gateway Drug Statistics

A survey by the National Household Survey on Drug Abuse2 found some staggering statistics about gateway drugs and stronger drugs (cocaine was the stronger drug in their example, but it could also be opioids, hallucinogens, and various synthetic drugs.)

Other factors can influence the following statistics, like personality, environment, age of onset, and more. Simply taking a “gateway drug” doesn’t mean your teen will start using stronger drugs or develop an addiction.

  • 99.9% of people who take cocaine first used alcohol, nicotine, or marijuana
  • 90% of teens and adults who take weed first smoked or drank
  • An adult who used marijuana as a child is 17x more likely to regularly take cocaine
  • An adult who smoked as a child is 3x more likely to take cocaine
  • An adult who drank as a child is 6x more likely to use cocaine
  • An adult who used all 3 gateway drugs (alcohol, nicotine, and weed) is 323x more likely to take cocaine
  • A child who uses all 3 gateway drugs is 266x more likely to take cocaine

Implementing Early Prevention Strategies for Gateway Drugs

Several drug use prevention programs specifically focus on adolescents, including Youth.gov, the STOP Act, and D.A.R.E. The well-known D.A.R.E. movement focused on complete abstinence; more recent preventative strategies focus on community education, mental health treatment, and specifically discouraging marijuana use. 

Starting the conversation about alcohol and drugs can help your teen know the consequences of drug use and that they have other coping strategies available (like therapy, hobbies, and connecting to you as a parent). 

Treatment for Gateway Drugs

Many teens, young adults, and adults use drugs and alcohol as a coping tool for mental health disorders and emotional distress. Treating the symptoms of mental health conditions can prevent teens from using substances in the first place.

Behavioral therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) can correct thought distortions and help patients find new coping skills for emotional distress.

Sometimes, teens and adults may need detox and residential treatment for addiction. Detoxing from gateway drugs in a clinical setting safely removes toxins from the body. In residential rehab, patients receive daily monitoring and support, group therapies, and individual therapy to address the root causes of their addiction.  

Outpatient levels of care include day treatment, intensive outpatient, and general outpatient treatment. In outpatient, you live at home and go to treatment so you’ll have more time for school and work. 

Find The Best Drug And Alcohol Treatment Centers

To find a drug and alcohol treatment center and compare your options, you can browse RehabPath’s collection of rehabs to see photos, reviews, and insurance information.

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Coping with Family Dynamics in Recovery 

Family dynamics can cause stress for anyone, but that can be especially true for those in recovery. Some families have positive dynamics, while some do not1. Both factors can impact your overall health. Your family’s dynamic will affect your relationships, interactions, and your roles in the family. 

A positive family dynamic includes helpful, clear, and positive interpersonal interactions. You’ll feel secure in their love and in your role as a son, daughter, mother, father, aunt, grandparent, et cetera. Love and respect flow reciprocally and if an issue arises, you work it out with each other’s best interests in mind. 

Stressful dynamics involve unclear communication, disrespect, and negative interpersonal interactions. They can make family gatherings difficult and cause avoidance between family members. Knowing the family roles in addiction can help you avoid triggering family members, or ones who may negatively impact your recovery.

You can prepare for any situation by arming yourself with coping strategies, communication tactics, and other tools. With these in-hand, you can feel more confident and ultimately enjoy time and events with family.

Understanding Family Stressors

Stressors can affect your family dynamic, sometimes adversely. Examples of stressors within families include

  • Grief and loss. If you’ve lost a loved one, your family may struggle to cope and feel their loss especially hard when you all come together.
  • Stressful/unstable relationships with loved ones. Past arguments or misunderstandings with loved ones could keep an undertow of strain around. 
  • Side-forming. If/when conflict does arise, you may feel pressure to take the side of one of the people involved. This can create “groups” in your family—people on one side and those on the other. When groups interact, it could feel stressful. 
  • Distant relationships. You may feel the urge to connect with a loved one, but have a distant relationship that’s hard to navigate and change. 
  • Pressure to drink in social situations. Many cultures celebrate with alcohol, which can cause stress for those in recovery and make it difficult to know the signs you are drinking too much. 
  • Misunderstanding/no understanding of recovery. If your loved ones don’t understand your situation and what you’ve been through, it could be uncomfortable or unproductive to discuss. Rather than understanding and compassion, you may face judgment and confusion. 

Being aware of these stressors before you enter a family gathering, answer a phone call from a loved one, or interact with them another way can help you prepare. Then, you can walk in with confidence and leave not feeling overwhelmed or triggered.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Try to keep your expectations realistic as you meet up/talk with family. For example, you can expect to not be offered a drink and not be pressured into drinking, rather than expecting everyone to abstain from alcohol entirely. 

You can also adjust your expectations of relationships. If you have a poor relationship with an aunt, for example, you can stay realistic and not expect your relationship to completely change after seeing them. You may expect a step in the right direction, but not a complete 180º. 

You can also develop more positive ways of thinking, so you can go into these interactions with the right mindset. For example, don’t expect to have a falling-out or argument with a family member that has a history of being difficult. You could inadvertently set yourself up for arguments and keep yourself from a position of restoration and forgiveness (as applicable). 

Instead, you can set flexible, realistic expectations for yourself. Don’t expect yourself to handle every conversation and situation perfectly. Keep your main goals in mind, like maintaining your recovery, and count them as your main priorities. Decide what’s most important to you and let that guide your expectations. 

Communication Strategies

Clear communication2 can help both the sender and receiver have a productive, well-understood conversation. Miscommunication, where the message is unclear or not understood, can cause tension and upset a positive family dynamic. 

Try not to make assumptions as a listener, like what’s best for the speaker. Put yourself in their shoes as much as you’re able. Try to also listen actively, without thinking of what you’ll say back as they’re speaking. 

As a speaker, focus on careful word choice, not making assumptions, and not cutting off your listener if they speak up. Practice empathy and keep yourself as calm as you can.

You can prioritize clear communication in any one of your family relationships, especially about what you need and your boundaries. Examples could look like this:

“I won’t be drinking tonight, but I appreciate you giving us the opportunity.”

“To protect my mental health and boundaries, I won’t be talking to ____.”

“I’m really glad you called me. If you have time, would you want to discuss ____?”

“No thank you, I can’t do that because I’m in recovery.”

“I would love to talk with you at another time, but I am not able to now.” 

Establishing Boundaries

Setting and maintaining boundaries with your family can help you stay confident with your choices and avoid situations that make you feel uncomfortable. They can even help you maintain sobriety3. 

Boundaries can also help you stay emotionally well, especially when talking to loved ones with strong emotional ties. Since those loved ones can impact your emotional health more than most people can, it can be even more important to set up boundaries with them. A solid boundary can keep you from becoming emotionally burnt out, stressed, and unhappy. 

Establishing boundaries can feel intimidating at first, but you can do it. These tips can help you get more comfortable with setting and maintaining boundaries:

  1. Write down your boundaries and the reasons behind them. 
  2. Write down who your boundaries will apply to most (your mother, sister, great aunt?)
  3. Practice saying them aloud; this can help you get used to how a conversation about your boundaries might go.
  4. Identify the goals of your boundaries—what are they helping you achieve?

Here’s a conversation sample of setting and maintaining a boundary about drinking:

“No, I can’t have a drink with you. I’m in recovery and care about staying sober.”

“I am confident in my commitment to not drink and don’t feel the need to explain why.”

“No, I’m not able to talk about that now.”

“I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.”

Handling Uncomfortable Conversations

Uncomfortable conversations can arise in even the most loving, positive family dynamics. If you have strained relationships or polarizing opinions, avoiding uncomfortable conversations may not be possible. But that’s okay; you can prepare and meet them with confidence. 

If an uncomfortable conversation arises, try to stay calm and aware of your emotions. This can help you formulate a response with a level head. Try as best you can to not take offensive words personally, and don’t reply with the same. Short, calm responses can help dissipate tension and keep your boundaries firm.

Sometimes, loved ones don’t mean to make a conversation uncomfortable, or they may start an awkward conversation by accident. This can be especially true regarding recovery and your decision to not drink or use substances. In those cases, you can prepare a few graceful ways to respond, affirm your boundaries, and correct misconceptions. Here’s a few examples:

“You’re right, I’m not drinking. I’m actually in recovery and have been enjoying life without alcohol.”

“I haven’t had anything to drink because I’m in recovery. I don’t drink at all to maintain the sobriety I worked hard for.” 

“No, I don’t use drugs anymore. I used to, but I’m now in recovery and make different choices.”

“No thank you, I’m actually in recovery from alcohol use disorder and abstain from drinking to maintain my sobriety.” 

Seeking Support

You may have a negative family dynamic, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have people that support you. Building and maintaining a strong support system can help you cope with negative family dynamics and strengthen a positive one. Your support system could include friends, sober peers, sponsors, and specific support groups (like Alcoholics Anonymous). 

A strong support system can help you manage the ups and downs of any family dynamic, and give you the opportunity to grow your chosen family. You can also strengthen your relationships with related loved ones by going to family and couples therapy and grow your support system that way. Internal family systems (IFS) therapy can help you learn about your inner family, too, and how your different parts interact.

Practicing Self-Care

Taking care of yourself can help you navigate your family dynamics. Staying true to yourself can make your interpersonal relationships more genuine and positive.

If your family dynamics cause stress and dysfunction, you have ways to manage the stress. First, you can seek professional help and learn more about stress and addiction. Then, you can practice simple self-care practices like:

  • Mindfulness and meditation
  • Breathing exercises to calm the body and mind
  • Taking a break from your phone and/or social media
  • Reading a book
  • Cooking nutritious meals
  • Saying no to events or activities to give you time to relax

Reflecting on Progress

Positivity and hope help you and your interpersonal relationships with family. Reflect on your recovery journey and what you’ve accomplished. Recognition from your family may be great, but you don’t need it to make your achievement impressive and real. Remind yourself of this as often as you need to.

You can also reflect on positive progress in your family dynamic, however small. Maybe you feel closer to one of your family members than you did before. Maybe a new baby shifted your dynamic into a happier one. Maybe you were able to distance yourself from someone toxic. Note these positive changes to remind yourself how things can move forward. This can encourage and empower you, even in the midst of a negative family dynamic.

You can reflect through meditation, journaling, talking with someone, or all 3. Creative expression can be a tool for reflection, too.
As you reflect and remember the positives, know you can get help, too. Family therapy can improve your family dynamics and relationships with your loved ones. Browse our list of treatment centers with family therapy to see pricing, photos, reviews, and more.

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Navigating Therapy: 11 Tips for Finding the Right Therapist

Finding the right therapist opens a myriad of available treatment types, session formats, and positive therapeutic relationships in your area. It’s the first step on what could be an effective healing journey.

Finding a therapist that fits your needs isn’t always a streamlined process, but it can be. Keep these 11 tips in mind as you start your search to feel empowered in your decision. 

#1: Self-Reflect 

Reflect on your needs and what your goals are in therapy. Do you need help with depressive symptoms? Are you looking to gain coping tools for stress? Or do you know you simply need someone to talk to? 

Take a few moments to identify and write down what you need from therapy. Depending on what you find, it can make your process simpler. For example, if you can identify you need help healing from trauma, you can narrow your search down to therapists who specialize in trauma care.

#2: Determine Therapeutic Approach

Evidence-based therapeutic approaches include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and many more.  

Some therapists may also specialize in holistic approaches, like somatic experiencing and mindfulness-based CBT to better connect your mind and body. Therapists may also specialize in individual therapy or only offer group therapy.

Different approaches may match better with your personality and treatment goals. You can discuss your options with your primary care provider or a prospective therapist to learn more about what resonates with you.

#3: Consider Specializations

Therapists may specialize in certain forms of therapy or techniques. For instance, a therapist may specialize in EMDR or internal family systems (IFS) therapy. Therapists may earn specialized credentials or training to perform these types of therapy, or they may dedicate their career to a particular therapeutic approach and gain specialized experience over time.

You can look at a therapist’s bio to learn more about their experience and what they’ve specialized in. Ask them what their specialties are too. They may also have a badge of accreditation included on their profile. 

#4: Research Credentials

Licensed therapists will have any of the following licensure:

  • LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
  • LMFT: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
  • LPC: Licensed Professional Counselor
  • LMHC: Licensed Mental Health Counselor
  • LLP: Limited Licensed Practitioner (Psychologist)
  • LP: Licensed Psychologist 

Therapists need a master’s degree in psychology or counseling and pass a licensure exam. Licensed psychologists have their doctoral degree (PhD or PsyD) in psychology and pass a licensure exam. 

#5: Seek Recommendations

Ask your primary care physician for their recommendations on a therapist and the therapy approach that may meet your needs. You can also ask family and friends for their recommendations, which can be especially helpful for finding local support.

You can also check online platforms like the American Psychological Association, Yelp, and Google for reviews and summaries of what individual therapists offer. 

#6: Assess Compatibility

Researching a therapist may clue you into your compatibility. Or, you can assess your compatibility during your first session. If you don’t feel comfortable with your therapist, it’s important to find someone else. Having a positive therapeutic relationship can increase the benefits of therapy1 and help you heal. 

Keep in mind that you don’t have to stick with one therapist. You can stop at any time and look for a stronger connection elsewhere. 

If you’re compatible with your therapist, you’ll feel like you’re being heard and validated. You’ll feel comfortable speaking and sharing intimate details of your life or situation. You’ll also feel like your words or feelings won’t be judged, which can help you open up freely and experience more benefits. 

#7: Inquire About Therapeutic Approach

Ask your therapist about the approaches they use to hear it described in their own words. In an initial consultation or session, you can learn more about their approaches and why they’ve chosen to provide them. You can also ask about their treatment philosophy to learn more about why they do what they do, and if their motivations align with yours. 

If you have any questions about their approach, you can ask them in this session or in online communications with the therapist.

#8: Evaluate Communication Style

Everyone communicates differently, including therapists. Some may speak more bluntly and directly. Others may prioritize gentleness and will communicate more indirectly. 

You’ll typically discover your therapist’s communication style in your first session. If your communication styles align, you’re more likely to develop a positive therapeutic relationship. 

#9: Consider Logistics

To make therapy a practical endeavor, their office should be easily accessible and their services affordable. You can ask your therapist right away if they offer online sessions; their profile or webpage will typically mention this too. If you have to drive an hour to their office, it may be more difficult to commit to going. Expensive sessions can also deter consistent attendance.

Many therapists accept insurance to keep costs manageable. Consult with your insurance provider and their office to see if your plan will cover costs of treatment. In some cases, your plan will only require a small flat rate for each session.

Some therapists offer therapy online for greater accessibility. If you’re comfortable attending online, virtual sessions can offer flexibility and make treatment possible for those in rural areas or with disabilities.

#10: Trust Your Instincts

You may find a therapist with all the skills and qualifications you feel you need. They could have decades of experience and a fancy office. But that doesn’t mean they’ll be the right fit for you—if anything feels off, trust your instincts and look elsewhere. 

Pursue therapists you form a genuine connection with. You’ll likely notice this right away, or at least within your first 2 sessions. You’ll intuitively feel comfortable with them and open to sharing.

#11: Stay Open to Exploration

You have as many chances as you need to find a therapist you connect with—it’s not something you have to get right in your first try. You can adjust your expectations by remaining open to the idea of trying new therapists. The first one may not be the right fit, and that’s okay. Keep trying.

Pursuing a stronger therapeutic relationship or a different therapeutic approach can benefit your healing and potential for growth. You can continue self-reflection as you attend therapy to ensure your therapist meets your needs and you’re both achieving set goals.  


More intensive care options, like residential rehabs, offer individual therapy as well. You can browse behavioral health centers with individualized care and see prices, insurance options, and reviews.

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Internal Family Systems Therapy and Legacy Burdens

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a relatively recent therapeutic approach developed by Richard Schwartz. It describes the psyche as having multiple parts with a centralized Self—or, your core essence. Within the Self are Parts, each with its own unique characteristics, emotions, and motivations. These Parts can be in conflict with each other, leading to inner turmoil and psychological distress.

Dr. Schwartz created IFS to identify Parts of the self1 and change how those Parts interact; it’s used in interpersonal psychotherapy and in group settings. Healing damaged Parts and addressing self-protectors can identify trauma, legacy burdens, and deep pains. Then, the client and therapist work together to soothe the Parts and create a sense of safety that allows clients to heal their parts on their own. 

IFS and other forms of therapy can also address deep-seeded legacy burdens, which are conscious or subconscious burdens from generational trauma, family legacies, and family expectations that affect your life.

What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)?

IFS therapy offers a comprehensive framework for understanding and addressing the complexities of the human psyche, both at an individual and systemic level.

IFS is based on the idea that each person’s mind is made of “Parts”2 that form around a traumatic experience. The Parts compensate for trauma and strive to protect Exiles, which are the isolated Parts carrying hurt and trauma. 

Managers and Firefighters, the other 2 Parts, both work to keep Exiles hidden and safe. 

Your Firefighter Part is responsible for behaviors like drinking, drug use, and self-harm. These behaviors arise to control the Exiles’ feelings (terror, rage, grief, fear). Manager Parts find control through carefully evaluating situations, caretaking, and controlling. By staying in control, Managers think they can protect you from further pain and rejection.

Healing The Parts in IFS

In IFS, you’ll learn to hold space for the vulnerable Parts and meet them with compassion, a core part of the Self. IFS therapy helps you create a safe internal environment to confront your protective and vulnerable Parts and engage your compassionate Self. This safe internal environment can help you process traumatic memories and release legacy burdens without retraumatization.

IFS also connects your mind and body to increase mindfulness. You’ll become more aware of what you’re feeling and why, and where it may hold itself in your body. 

Ultimately, IFS draws on “the inherent wisdom of the Self2” to rework cognitive distortions from childhood trauma, legacy burdens, and negative views of self. It’s done compassionately and without judgment, allowing the Parts to accept healing and back away from their maladaptive coping strategies. 

Therapists are trained to provide IFS therapy. Not all therapists will offer IFS, and some will be more experienced than others. Check with your provider to see if they’re trained in IFS and their level of experience. 

IFS for Trauma and PTSD

IFS can help those with trauma and PTSD become “compassionate witnesses”2 to their traumatic experiences without feeling overwhelmed or retraumatized. Patients use mindfulness to separate from the emotions, sensations, and images of their trauma. That mindful separation can strengthen their ability to reflect on their experiences as caring, compassionate observers. 

For example, a patient may have residual shame after childhood abuse. IFS would help them step away from the shame, address the Part responsible for it, and allow their Self to replace the shame with self-compassion. Releasing the shame and allowing self-compassion can then reduce the hold of the traumatic experience and help the patient step into the present (and feel safe doing it).

Legacy Burdens: What They Are and Their Effects

A legacy burden leaves an imprint on future generations’ worldview and wellness. It can stem from one person or exist across a generation of people groups as generational trauma. 

A single-person legacy burden could be caused by a belief carried down. For example, one of your grandparents or a parent may impose a belief on you and others in your family. The belief could be that you need to earn a lot of money, stay in a particular religion, or have a specific relationship. Even if you don’t necessarily believe their beliefs, the internal burden of their beliefs and expectations can still affect you.

Generational Trauma and Legacy Burdens

Generational trauma also leaves a legacy burden3. Indigenous and marginalized groups often carry trauma from generations of gentrification, colonialism, and brutality. 

Stress and trauma can pass between generations through genetic changes3. Environmental stress can molecularly affect how a parent’s genes function, which then pass down to their child. Parents may also recreate their trauma and traumatize their children in turn. Generational trauma can pass down through a combination of the 2 as well. 

The generations who didn’t experience the trauma firsthand may still experience the residual effects through their parents. Distant parenting, witnessing parents suffer from trauma, and avoiding the topic can strain relationships and create unhealthy attachment patterns. Some also feel the need to hold onto the trauma to honor those who directly went through it and bring awareness.

Interestingly, positive change commonly occurs in the third generation3. Grandparents, for example, may be more willing to share their experience with their grandchildren. It could be because enough time has passed, and because the third generation is more likely to seek growth and healing. This, in turn, can help the first and second generations heal. 

Generational trauma can also create resiliency. Some children may see the burden carried in their lineage and actively pursue healing for themselves and others—which can turn into a sort of legacy burden itself. But, having a legacy burden doesn’t automatically entail generations of suffering. Individuals and groups can end the cycle, sometimes through IFS therapy.

IFS as a Healing Tool for Legacy Burdens

IFS can address the Parts carrying legacy burdens, allowing the Self to heal and prevent the trauma from extending. For some, their Exile may need healing. Others may need to heal a Firefighter or Manager to learn new coping tools.

Once the Part with the legacy burden feels safe and heard, the Self can bring in compassion and perspective, allowing you to detach from the burden. Continued IFS sessions and homework from your IFS therapist can help you maintain this release and continue forward. 

Your legacy burden may surprise you once you identify it, or it could be an obvious burden carried through your family (like alcoholism or racism). In either case, IFS and other therapies can help you identify the burden and use your natural capabilities to heal.

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What Is Biohacking?

What is biohacking? Biohacking allows scientists and nonscientists to use various techniques to alter and improve the genetic makeup of humans, plants, and other living species. By doing so, they can enhance existing characteristics or introduce new ones to create the desired result. They take a DIY approach to even some of the most advanced experiments, like DNA splicing.

Biohacking involves making lifestyle adjustments and dietary changes to enhance your body’s natural workings. For instance, altering your diet to improve your physical appearance or overall wellbeing.

Anyone interested in biohacking can become a biohacker, but many have tech, science, health, or engineering backgrounds. Artists and designers also enjoy the creative aspect of biohacking. When done safely, there’s benefits for all types of people.

Types of Biohacking

Biohacking involves many types and varieties of science. Some biohackers enjoy optimizing their body’s natural functions through health technology. Others splice and research DNA. Some also implant in-body technology to enhance their senses. 

Biohackers can also work alone or in shared biohacking labs. Lab members often pay a membership fee to access lab equipment and work with other biohackers. 

Nutrigenomics

Nutrigenomics studies how nutrients impact your genes and how they’re expressed1, including how nutrition can protect genomes (all the DNA in a cell). A biohacker using nutrigenomics tailors their diet to enhance their genetic makeup, protect their genes from damage, and generally learn more about genes and food. Nutrigenomics also examines how nutrition affects all the protein and metabolites in a cell. 

Doing so, researchers and biohackers can learn more about how they, or members of the population, will respond to dietary changes. Biohackers can use nutrigenomics to predict what diet changes will do and adjust their diet accordingly. They “hack” the way their body responds to food to enhance their functioning and reap specific rewards. 

For example, a biohacker using nutrigenomics may take and test a gene sample after eating processed food with biochemicals. (If they don’t have access to the right machinery, biohackers often send their results to another lab for processing.) Based on the results, the biohacker will know how that food affects them and how adverse/beneficial the effects are. 

DIY Biology

Someone using DIY biology operates alone, usually working towards a solution with self-invented tools, modified tech, and their own resources. 

Because it’s more solitary in nature, most DIY biologists have a scientific or engineering background. Their knowledge and experience allow them to tinker with biology independently, sometimes just in their garage or spare bedroom. 

Many DIY biologists enjoy the freedom of doing what they want, when they want. Without any oversight, as some biohackers have when they join a shared biohacking lab, DIY biologists can create almost anything and test on themselves whenever they’d like. For example, they may implant a chip made only with parts they already had on hand. 

DIY Gene Therapy

In this form of biohacking, biohackers aim to splice and change their DNA or the DNA of other organisms directly. They’ll add in and remove specific DNA blocks to create a new function or feature. For example, one biohacker created glowing plants2 by splicing plant genes and bioluminescent coding to make plants that glow. 

A biohacker also bioengineered a radiation-resistant plant3. And, biohackers stitched together horsepox, a long-extinct disease, using DNA splicing. Some biohackers use gene therapy to (try to) make themselves HIV-resistant, un-lactose intolerant, have bigger muscles, and stop aging. So far, these attempts haven’t been successful, but biohackers continue to work at it. 

Lifestyle Changes

Not all biohackers need scientific equipment to “hack” how their bodies work. Some less intensive, lifestyle-change-only biohacks include:

  • Diet changes
  • Sleep routines  
  • Exercise
  • Supplements
  • Wearable technology, like a Fitbit 
  • Apps that store your biometrics when inputted, including what you eat and the calories you burn

Many people have been or are a biohacker, even if they don’t deeply understand the science behind why lifestyle changes work. Someone with that knowledge will have a stronger understanding of how and why the changes occur. They can tailor their body’s response more finely than someone broadly choosing to eat healthy, for example. 

Implanted Technology

Some biohackers, called grinders, aim to blend living and non-living material to enhance their senses. They implant devices, sensors, and cosmetic items4 to feel new sensations and monitor processes in their body, among other things. Some implanted devices include:

  • Neodymium magnets. Biohackers implant a small neodymium magnet into their fingertip to supposedly feel electromagnetic fields like a 6th sense. Some don’t report any sensation at all. In either case, it still functions as a magnet. Those with the implant can pick up small metal objects, like bottle caps, with their fingertip. The magnet could trip certain switches to open a door, turn on a device, and activate other sensors. 
  • Biometric sensors. Small sensors can relay biometric information about areas and processes in the body. For example, some small chips monitor temperature and communicate via Bluetooth with phones and other devices. Biohackers also created an identifying chip to communicate an unconscious patient’s medical history with first responders. 
  • Lighting implants. Small light implants serve a cosmetic purpose for now, but biohackers are working to create gesture-responsive, Bluetooth-connected devices that won’t need recharging. A handful of biohackers implanted a circle of LED lights into the tops of their hands. Newer versions of the device change color through a phone app. 

What Are Some Examples of Biohacking?

See examples of the different types of biohacks. 

Cold Water Therapy

Cold water therapy improves circulation and can reduce depression5. The temperature of ice baths shocks your body into survival mode, causing a flush of circulated blood and increased blood flow. Cryotherapy, another cold-temperature treatment6, offers similar benefits.

The adrenaline from cold shocks can also reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety over time, though research has only loosely connected that as a benefit. Cold water therapy can also help athletes recover muscle and reduce inflammation.

Intermittent Fasting

Intermittent fasting puts stress on your cells7, which can make them more stress-resistant over time. However, one of the main benefits of intermittent fasting often comes from weight loss. Losing excess weight can help your joint health, heart, and overall functioning.

Consult with a doctor before fasting. They can help you determine a safe fasting schedule and what to eat on your feeding days.

Vagus Nerve Stimulation

Stimulating your vagus nerve can reduce depression8 and anxiety. The vagus nerve runs through part of your ear, where you can non-surgically stimulate the nerve. Acupuncture or gentle massage both stimulate the vagus nerve.  

Stimulation of the vagus nerve sends electrical signals in your brain8, which can treat treatment-resistant depression and improve overall mood. And, since you can stimulate the vagus nerve anytime, it’s a useful biohack for combating in-the-moment stress.

Red Light Therapy

Right light therapy can alter and repair damaged cells9. You can target certain body parts, like facial acne scars, or experience full-body red light therapy. It can make your skin feel smoother, reduce wrinkles and fine lines, and fade scars and stretch marks. 

Caffeine

Caffeine, a central nervous system stimulant, blocks the receptors for adenosine10. The chemical adenosine builds up throughout the day, causing sleepiness. Caffeine “plugs” the adenosine receptor and stimulates the central nervous system, making you feel less tired and more awake.  

Drinking safe amounts of caffeine can make you feel focused and alert. You may feel more productive if you drink a cup of coffee or tea in the morning. Just be sure to moderate your intake and not have caffeine too close to bedtime.

Nootropics

Nootropics, or cognitive enhancers, are supplemental “smart drugs”11 that can improve cognitive function. Most nootropics, like a plant or pre-existing chemical compound, have a natural origin. Some biohackers use nootropics to enhance their memory, intelligence, reaction speeds, and general wellness. 

Examples of nootropics11 include the compounds deanol (improves learning and memory), lecithin (improves attention and thinking), and plant products like ashwagandha (antioxidant), ginseng (mental and physical resilience), and more. 

Cybernetics

Biohackers using cybernetics create cyborgs, or cybernetic organisms. Cyborgs are anyone with an in-body mechanical enhancement. For example, one colorblind biohacker found a way to “hear” color12 using a device permanently set on his forehead.

Biohackers have used cybernetics to implant sensors, one of which can unlock certain doors. One “cyborg’s” implant allows him to feel the same sensations his similarly-equipped wife feels13 on her hand, even on the other side of the ocean.

Wearable Technology

Wearable technologies like Fitbits and Apple Watches give you real-time insight into your biometrics, like your heart rate. You can also use them to track your sleep and its stages. 

Wearable technology can track and store information about your nutrition, exercise habits, calories burned, and menstrual cycles. Most fitness watches will also prompt you to stand and move throughout the day. Some even detect falls and car crashes, and can alert emergency services.

These benefits can help you better understand your body, attune your diet and sleep schedule, and add extra safety for your day-to-day life. 

Research on Biohacking

Biohacking connects scientists and non-scientists alike to biology of all types. It enables anyone to play with biology, down to their DNA. But its effects on the world haven’t been wildly remarkable14. 

Researchers compare biohacking to the 1970s boom of self-taught computer builders and hackers, finding less advancement in biology compared to the lengths tinkerers advanced computer technology. That’s mostly because biohacking tools and materials aren’t yet as accessible as computer materials are and were. 

But, that doesn’t mean biohackers could or should stop. Any biohacker could discover a life-changing breakthrough. Many argue self-DNA manipulation, for example, could lead to live-saving gene therapies2. Researchers and biohackers alike agree anyone exploring biology and technology should feel encouraged to do so.

Biohacking can and does lead to lifestyle improvements. So for some, it can be an extremely effective tool that positively changes their lives. This may be especially true for lifestyle changes, like creating a sleep routine to feel more rested and productive during the day. 

Each example of biohacking has the potential to benefit lives. 

What Are the Risks Associated With Biohacking?

Biohacking does pose some safety risks. Around 2009, concerns arose about what biohackers could create, and why. Some feared biological weapons. In response, the FBI sent agents to a biohacking event2, a collaboration many biohackers welcomed. Law enforcement found little bioterrorism threats  as they continued to work with the biohacking community.

Risks of DIY Biology and DIY Gene Therapy

The International Gene Synthesis Consortium further protects against malevolent experiments14 by carefully monitoring what DNA sequences are purchased and by whom. They also ensure all buyers have an academic affiliation, or something similarly relevant. 

The nature of shared biohacking spaces also prevents security risks. Todd Kuiken, Senior Research Scholar at the Genetic Engineering and Society Center, North Carolina State University, says, “It would be nearly impossible for someone to work on such a project in a community lab without someone noticing what they were doing and stopping it.” 

Any nefarious DIY biologists would hit roadblocks regarding mass-production, storage, and distribution of a chemical weapon. Creating it in the first place, with restrictions and limits on genetic material, is just as complicated. 

Risks of Implanted Technology

Implants and biotech require a skilled biohacker to build and implant. The risk of infection always exists, as does the risk of contamination from a leaking implant. Your body may also reject the implant.

Risks of Lifestyle Changes

Before you majorly adjust your diet or take supplements, consult your doctor. Some supplements could interact with each other or with your current medications. You’ll also want to ensure you’re not malnourished through intermittent fasting or other restrictive diets. See what your doctor thinks before you get started. 

Is Biohacking Safe?

Usually, yes. Biohacking often is as safe as the biohacker makes it. So, if you create a new gene-based cure for gluten sensitivity and inject it into yourself without prior testing, most would see that as unsafe. But most biohackers dabble in small enhancements with plenty of testing beforehand. 

In any case, biohacking has no FDA approvals or strict government testing saying it’s safe. Though that’s the appeal for many, they do put themselves at risk. 

But small lifestyle changes, like wearing a Fitbit or occasional cold showers, pose little safety risks. You can decide how much safety you’re willing to risk before adopting a new bio-hack. Always consult a doctor before making major changes, or if you have questions. 

Hack Your Recovery

In addiction and mental health recovery, some rehabs use biofeedback, biochemical therapy, and biohacking to enhance healing. Patients coming out of detox can find biohacking helpful for withdrawals and their overall health in recovery.

You can turn whichever form of biohacking works for you into a life-long habit for your recovery. Biohacking can help you manage low mood, recovery triggers, and physical health. Once you run changes past your doctor, biohacking also empowers you to control and understand aspects of your health.  
Browse our list of rehabs with biofeedback to see photos, reviews, insurance information, and more.

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What Is Gaslighting? Signs, Effects, and How to Protect Yourself

Gaslighting is a manipulative psychological tactic used to control others. The person gaslighting aims to make you feel “crazy” by undermining you, acting like you’re lying, or that you’re making things up. 

Their adamant denial and blame-shifting can make you distrust yourself, even to the point of feeling like you’ve lost your grip on reality. The person gaslighting may try to make you seem untrustworthy to other people too. 

Gaslighting can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, and between family members. Gaslighting isn’t always meant to cause harm, either. Some people may do it accidentally. But others use it as a tactic of manipulation.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is an attempt to make the other in the relationship feel or seem “crazy”1. It’s considered a subset of psychological abuse2. The gaslighter tries to create a surreal reality, one they control, to make the other feel like their beliefs and observations are both wrong and potentially nonexistent. 

The term arose from a movie adaptation of the play Gas Light, where a husband isolates his new wife and manipulates her into believing she’s gone insane. He dims the gas lights in their home only to insist she’s imagining it, claiming that as proof she’s gone insane. The wife eventually believes him.

Victims of gaslighting commonly feel confused1, disoriented, and like their reality has become distorted. This is what the gaslighter often intends. They gain control by “micro-regulating victims’ lives, self-concepts, and sense of reality”1. Over time, the victim may believe their gaslighter’s lies and view them as the only person who can define their reality. 

Gaslighters often separate their partner from the outside world2. They may lie and say no one wants them around, or that their friends are all no good. This makes their victim more vulnerable to manipulation, since no one else can point out their behavior and offer support. 

Not all gaslighting is done with ill-will. Sometimes, friends, family, and those you care about can unintentionally make you feel unheard or like your ideas aren’t important. It’s also possible to respectfully disagree with someone.

Healthy Disagreements Vs. Gaslighting

Two people can disagree or have different views in healthy, respectful ways. For example, you may disagree with someone’s opinion while still respecting their autonomy and beliefs. You both keep your opinions and work towards a middle ground. 

A gaslighter, instead of accepting the other’s different belief, would cruelly question the thoughts, emotions, and sanity behind their belief. Their goal is to “prove” the other’s opinion is wrong and not based in reality … because the gaslighter creates their own.  

You can firmly plant yourself in reality by knowing and recognizing the signs of gaslighting. 

Signs And Characteristics of Gaslighting

You can look for these signs of gaslighting3 in your partner and in other relationships in your life. 

  • Blatant, continued lies. If you point out the truth, they’ll wholeheartedly deny the lie and likely spin it to claim you’re lying. 
  • Making you doubt yourself through statements like, “You’re being too sensitive, you shouldn’t feel that way.”
  • Ignoring your feelings. 
  • Making you question your judgment.
  • Questioning your version of reality.
  • Isolating you from family and friends.
  • Confusing you through white lies and small acts of manipulation.
  • They say things like, “Really? Are you sure?”, “You only think that because you’re so sensitive.”, “That’s all in your head.”, or “You’re crazy.”

Gaslighting Tactics

Gaslighters often resort to specific strategies4 to challenge your reality. These include

  • Withholding, where they pretend they don’t understand you, accuse you of confusing them, or refuse to listen to you.
  • Countering, where they question your memory and the events you know happened. 
  • Blocking/Diverting, where they change the subject or accuse you of inventing/imagining a situation.
  • Trivializing, where they make your feelings and needs seem silly, wrong, or unimportant. 
  • Denial, where they pretend to forget what actually happened and deny the truth. 

Effects of Gaslighting on Victims

The victim of gaslighting, or the gaslightee, may experience serious effects5, like anxiety, low self-confidence, constant underlying fear, confusion, codependency, lack of trust, and psychological trauma. 

If you’ve been severely gaslit, you may even believe you are psychologically sick. Your gaslighter could convince you that your family thinks the same and wants you to get help. In your isolation and confusion, refuting their lies gets harder and harder. 

Even after you leave the relationship, the effects of gaslighting may stick around. You may need professional help to navigate how it makes you feel and how it’s affected your sense of self. A therapist can guide you through the journey and help you process the experience. 

Gaslighting in Different Contexts

Gaslighting is a common abusive tactic in romantic relationships, but it can happen in friendships, families, and in the workplace. Your options for navigating gaslighting often depends on its context.

Gaslighting at Work

If your coworker uses gaslighting to undermine and embarrass you, you could talk to higher-ups to address the gaslighter’s behavior. Depending on the scope of their gaslighting, however, your boss or other coworkers may already believe the gaslighter’s lies. In that case, you can look into other jobs and leave the situation. 

Gaslighting from Family

Gaslighting from a parent or sibling may not be abusive in intent. Your mom, for example, may disregard your feelings about something without meaning to hurt you. Her beliefs overpower yours, but in that example, she’s not actively trying to cause harm. Depending on the situation, you could rectify your relationship through couples and family counseling. 

Online Gaslighting

Online gaslighting may occur more easily because anyone can claim anything, and say someone’s wrong for nearly any reason. Politicians, celebrities, and influencers could have this effect whether they know it or not. Deleting your social media, unfollowing certain accounts, and not following specific news sources are the quickest ways to escape this gaslighting.

Gaslighting in a Relationship

Your romantic partner may use gaslighting to hide their abuse1 and maintain control over the relationship. They may say they never hit you, that you’re making it up, and that you need them to define your reality since you’re lying about being hit. 

They could gaslight you into believing you’re a bad partner, parent, or generally unstable, to invalidate your existence. A gaslighter also uses gaslighting to keep their partner from leaving the relationship. If you feel like your partner defines your reality, leaving them may feel impossible.

You can protect yourself from gaslighting in any context by recognizing it and learning how to respond.

Protecting Yourself from Gaslighting

Gaslighting may start small, with little offenses you barely notice. But you can immediately strategize your protection as soon as you catch their abuse.  

Gather Evidence

You can create an arsenal of evidence to secure your reality by taking screenshots, recording conversations, and writing down abusive actions. If needed, you can also use your evidence to prove the gaslighter’s behavior—either to themselves or others. 

Practice Assertiveness

Being assertive can help you feel more sure of yourself and confident in your reality. You can respond to gaslighting attempts with simple but strong replies, like:

  • “I know you disagree, but I still feel ___” 
  • “You may not remember this happening, but I am not responsible for that.” 
  • “I have explained myself. Your confusion is your responsibility.”
  • “I hear you, but that has not been my experience.”
  • “I do not need to convince you to believe me.”
  • “I know what I’ve experienced is true. I don’t need to prove it to you.”

Surround Yourself With Support

Keep your friends and family close. They can help you feel more secure in your beliefs and experiences. Your loved ones can also point out gaslighting behavior and help you catch it before you become deeply entangled in their distortions. 

Tighten Your Boundaries

Putting more space between you and the gaslighter gives them fewer opportunities to gaslight. If you can, spend less and less time with the person to lessen their influence. Set hard boundaries. You can tell them you’ll continue the conversation when they can be honest and respectful. Block them if you need to. 

As an example, you could agree to see them once a week at most and keep your visits short. Only communicate when you decide to. Don’t text them if they use text conversations to gaslight you.

Setting boundaries isn’t always possible, especially in romantic relationships. In those cases, you may need to fully walk away.

Leave The Relationship

Other forms of abuse may accompany gaslighting, like physical or sexual abuse. Abusers may use severe gaslighting to hide their other abusive behaviors. If you feel unsafe in your relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, you may need to leave. 

A therapist can help you navigate this process safely. If you need immediate help, call your country’s emergency number or talk to the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (or text “START” to 88788).

Seeking Professional Help

Any form of psychological abuse can damage your sense of self and the way you see the world. That’s why getting professional help for the effects of gaslighting can help you both now and in your future. 

A therapist can help you recognize gaslighting if you’re currently experiencing it. They can also help you create a plan to leave abusive relationships or set stronger boundaries. And as you close the chapter on your gaslighter, a therapist can help you process the experience and heal from its traumas.

With their help, you can rebuild your self-confidence and self-efficacy. You can learn to trust others, including yourself. You can remove blame from yourself and see gaslighting as an issue of the perpetrator, not you. You can heal.

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What Is Carfentanil?

Carfentanil is a fentanyl analog, or a synthetic opioid chemically similar to fentanyl. It’s 100 times more potent than fentanyl and 10,000 times more potent than morphine. Because of that, carfentanil is considered the strongest and most dangerous fentanyl derivative. 

People usually take carfentanil by accident. But since you need so little (about one grain of salt) to overdose, these accidental uses can quickly become life-threatening. 

What Is Carfentanil Used For?

Carfentanil has only one approved use: a large-animal tranquilizer. The veterinary field uses carfentanil on elephants and other similarly sized animals; it’s not approved for human use in any way.

But in illicit drug markets, dealers use carfentanil to increase the potency of their drugs and sell them for more money. Additives like carfentanil make drugs like heroin feel stronger, leading to faster dependency and continued profit for the dealer. 

Carfentanil easily blends into other substances, so you never truly know if you’re taking a clean or laced substance. Even fentanyl test strips often don’t pick up on carfentanil. To the naked eye, carfentanil doesn’t stand out against the substance you think you’re taking—which is why it poses such a risk.

What Does Carfentanil Look Like?

Carfentanil looks white and powdery, like powdered sugar. If it’s been dissolved into a liquid, it can look as innocent as water. It may also look grainy, like salt grains. Carfentanil has no smell or taste. 

Dealers manipulate carfentanil to create new ways of ingestion. For example, you could take carfentanil as a pill, inject it intravenously, snort it as a powder, or place a small piece of carfentanil-soaked blotter paper on your tongue for a few minutes.  

What Are The Potential Effects of Using Carfentanil?

As a synthetic opioid, carfentanil’s effects mirror those of heroin, including:

Euphoria

Carfentanil is a mu-opioid receptor agonist, which means it triggers mu-opioid receptors to send a cascade of chemical signals in your brain. This ultimately releases dopamine, and lots of it. The flood of dopamine causes both euphoria and the need to repeat the behavior. 

Pain Relief

When used as prescribed, opioids work as powerful pain relievers. Carfentanil is no different. It calms the neurons in certain areas of the brain, leading to pain relief. But because of its potency, no amount of carfentanil has been approved for pain relief. 

Sedation

Carfentanil can calm the brain and nervous system to the point of total sedation. That’s why veterinarians use carfentanil to sedate large animals. 

Overdose

Carfentanil overdoses continue to rise in the US. Just two milligrams of carfentanil could kill you. Anything below that tiny amount would likely cause a non-lethal overdose. 

What Are The Symptoms of Carfentanil Overdose?

Overdosing on carfentanil causes a host of side effects. Even accidental exposure to carfentanil, like getting some of it on your hand or having the powder blow on your face, could cause an overdose. Knowing the signs of an overdose can help save lives. 

Blue Lips And Nails

Look at the nail beds and lips for blue coloration. Carfentanil overdoses can cause low blood pressure and a dangerously slow heart rate, which can lower breathing and oxygen intake. Less oxygen in the blood makes it look blue in areas like the lips and fingertips.

Choking And Gurgling

Overdosing on carfentanil can slow your breathing and dangerously sedate you. Because of this, you may choke on your spit or be too disoriented to remember to swallow it. That can cause choking and gurgly breathing, almost like snoring.

Pin-Point Pupils

A carfentanil overdose often causes tiny pupils. Someone who’s overdosed may have strangely small pupils that don’t dilate in different lighting.

Slowed Breathing

Your breathing may slow to null if you overdose on carfentanil. This can then lead to black outs, blue fingers and lips, and death.

Losing Consciousness

Overdosing on carfentanil could cause you to black out. The reasons for losing consciousness can include sedation/sleepiness, slow breathing, slowed heart rate, and a combination of all 3. 

Hypothermia

Someone who overdosed on carfentanil may feel cold to the touch, shiver, and have a bluish tint. 

Clammy Skin

Carfentanil overdoses also cause clammy skin, or like someone’s slightly sweaty and cold at the same time. 

Heart Failure

Too much carfentanil could cause total heart failure. An overdose can depress your central nervous system enough to stop your heart. Without immediate help, this symptom often leads to death.

Can You Reverse a Carfentanil Overdose?

You can save someone who’s overdosed on carfentanil by immediately using Naloxone. If you administer it fast enough, you can reverse the effects of carfentanil and save their life. Since carfentanil is so potent, you’ll likely need several strong doses of Naloxone. You can inject it intravenously or, if your kit includes a nasal spray, squirt it up their nose.

 If you’re injecting Naloxone (Narcan), be sure to fill the syringe with liquid and not air. Then poke the needle into a large muscle, like a shoulder or thigh muscle. To administer the nasal spray, stick the nozzle into their nose and push up on the plunger. You’ll likely need to spray into each nostril. Narcan takes 2-3 minutes to show effects. 

Once stabilized and physically safe, treatment begins. 

Get Treatment for Opioid Use

Treatment for synthetic drugs like carfentanil includes medical and emotional care. You’ll begin with detox, which safely removes carfentanil from your body. Once carfentanil is out of your system, you and your treatment team will address the thoughts and behaviors leading to your drug use. Then, you’ll work together to learn new coping skills and navigate difficult emotions, cravings, and triggers as they come. 

Your treatment journey may begin in a residential rehab, where you’ll have 24/7 care, 1:1 and group therapies, and a safe space to detox. After residential treatment, you can move into day treatment or an intensive outpatient program, which provides intensive but more independent care.
To start your journey, you can browse our list of rehabs for opioid use to see pricing, photos, reviews, and more.

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Blacking Out Drunk: Understanding the Risks, Causes, and Prevention

“If recreational drugs were tools, alcohol would be a sledgehammer.” – NCBI article

Some hail getting “blackout drunk” as the apex drinking experience: a testament to how wild the party was or how disinhibited they felt. But rather than being a story to tell, getting blackout drunk can put you on a dangerous path—one of crime, danger, and life-changing risks. 

What Does It Mean to Black Out?

Blacking out drunk means you have a “blackout” period in your memory. You won’t remember anything that happened around you or to you when you were “blacked”. You’re still awake when you black out, just not making memories. That’s because alcohol can block the transference of memories into long-term storage.  

Alcohol can cause 2 types of blackouts: partial and complete. If you have a complete blackout period, you won’t remember anything. Your blackout will simply feel like a blank expanse in time. Partial blackouts mean you can remember a few things, like who drove you home and where your purse might be. Physical or emotional cues can also trigger the memories you made in a partial blackout.  

Both types of blackouts keep you from forming and recollecting memories.

How Alcohol Affects The Brain And Memory

Blackouts affect an area of the brain called the hippocampus, where memories form and move into long-term storage. Too much alcohol keeps this transfer from happening. Just 1-2 drinks can start the memory-losing process. 

Alcohol disrupts the communicative chemical activity in your hippocampus. That disruption between neurons prevents the hippocampus from storing events and memories as they happen. Blackouts don’t affect past memories or the ones you make when sober, only the memories made with too much alcohol in your system. 

You may seem alert and able to hold a conversation when blacked out. But any interactions you have won’t stay in your memory for longer than a few minutes. 

Who’s More Susceptible to Blackouts?

The severity of your blackout usually depends on your blood-alcohol level—the higher it is, the more complete your blackout. Because of this, some groups are more susceptible to blacking out, including women, young college students, and binge drinkers. 

With generally smaller bodies, women are more likely to black out than men. Women also have less of an enzyme in their stomach that breaks down alcohol. And, they’re more likely to drink wine or mixed drinks instead of beer, which has comparatively less alcohol. 

College students and other young drinkers also experience blackouts more often. It’s usually because they’re not used to drinking (especially in high amounts), leading to accidental blackouts. Similarly, binge drinkers, or someone who drinks a lot in a short period of time, may rapidly raise their blood-alcohol level and black out more often. 

Recognizing The Signs of Blackout Drinking

You can look for some of these signs of blackout drinking if someone seems blackout drunk. But be aware: you won’t always know if someone’s blackout, yourself included. Though surprising, your friend may seem fine and have most of their motor and cognitive functioning intact. 

What you can look for is problems with their memory. Though everyone shows cognitive impairment when they’re drunk, like seeming spaced out, they’ll usually still have some of their memory intact. If you suspect someone’s blackout drunk, take them home as soon as you can. 

Forgetfulness

Someone who’s blackout drunk may repeat questions, seem confused, or forget the names/faces/information they just learned about. 

To test their memory-storing ability, try asking your friend to name 3 items: fruits, for example. Then, a couple of minutes later, ask what fruits they named. If they’re not blacked, they’ll eventually remember what fruits they named—even if they need time to think or slur their words. 

Retelling Stories

Your friend may repeat the same story because they don’t remember already telling it. They may also tell you the same thing repeatedly throughout the night, like they’ve spotted your mutual friend nearby.

Seeming Confused When Corrected

If you tell your friend they’ve already told you the same thing multiple times, they may seem confused. They may not even believe you. They’ll likely have no idea their memory has started to go—even if they’re concerned about that, their worries will soon fade. 

Motor or Cognitive Impairment

If someone seems drunk, look for stumbling, nonsensical speech, poor coordination, slurred speech, and sleepiness. This could indicate they’re heavily drunk and in a blackout state.

When to Intervene

If your friend, or anyone else, seems blackout drunk, keep a close eye on them. Since they’re mentally and physically impaired, they could easily get into trouble. Make sure they don’t drive, even if they seem “fine”. And make sure they don’t go off alone with anyone—someone could try to take advantage of their impairment.

And ask your friend to stay around you. If they can’t remember to stay by you, you might need to shadow them. 

Step away from the situation if you’re able and they’re willing. This could mean going home if you’re at a bar or going to a safe room and lying down if you’re at a party. Never let them drive—and call a taxi or Uber if you don’t feel safe driving, either.

Risks And Consequences of Blacking Out

Sexual And Physical Violence

Getting blackout drunk puts you at risk of physical and sexual violence. You may unwittingly go along with whatever someone else wants—even if that’s stealing, vandalizing someone’s house, or sleeping with someone you never planned to. 

If you did sleep with someone, you may not remember if you gave consent, if your partner was violent, or if you used protection. And if something terrible did occur, not knowing would prevent you from getting the medical care you need. That applies to both physical and sexual assaults. 

Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1.800.799.7233 or text “START” to 88788
Crisis Hotline: Call or Text 988

Waking Up…Somewhere

After blacking out, you could wake up and not know where you are, how you got there, or how to get home. You might wake up a few blocks from your house or on the other side of your city—blackouts make almost anything possible. 

Acting Out of Character

You could get into trouble in a blackout state. Being impaired mentally and physically, you might bend easily to peer pressure. Or, doing something illegal may suddenly seem fun, like stealing. Then, you could wind up in legal trouble.

Causes And Triggers of Blackout Drinking

Blackouts commonly happen after high-intensity drinking, when you have at least twice as many drinks per hour more than binge drinking (8+ drinks in 2 hours for women, 10+ for men). Binge and high-intensity drinking lead to blackouts because your blood-alcohol level rises too fast. 

Some drugs, like sleep or anti-anxiety medications, can cause blackouts at a lower blood-alcohol level. Keeping aware of your medications can help you prevent getting blackout drunk.

Prevention Strategies for Blackout Drinking

You can prevent blackout drinking by drinking in moderation. Set a limit for yourself, like one drink per hour. Be sure to eat a full meal before drinking and start the night hydrated. And drink slowly—take sips instead of gulps. Avoid chugging, shotgunning, or joining in other drinking games. 

You can also try staggering your alcoholic drinks. For example, having a glass of wine, a big cup of water, then a smaller glass of wine. Plan for how you’re going to get home, too. Either bring a friend who’s not drinking or schedule an Uber in advance. 

Avoid drinking in unfamiliar situations, too. Nerves could cause you to drink multiple drinks much faster than usual. And, only drink what you buy or bring yourself. Never take a drink from a stranger. 

Supporting Others And Seeking Help

One way to help a friend or family member struggling with their drinking is by noticing how much they drink. If they frequently black out, binge drink, or drink whenever they can, you can consider starting a conversation about how they’re feeling and how alcohol fits into their life. 

You can start the conversation early by talking to your kids/teens about blackout drinking and its consequences. But you can emphasize the risks of blackout drinking with someone of any age. You can also pass along tips to avoid blackout drinking, how to quit drinking, and make drinking a safer experience for those you love. 

If your friend or family member reveals they’ve been struggling with drinking, you can share these resources with them:

You can also offer yourself as a resource of support. Though you can’t make anyone get help, you can offer a listening ear and be someone to walk beside as your loved one begins their recovery journey. 
To learn more, you can browse our list of rehabs treating alcohol addiction to see photos, reviews, insurance information, and more.

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Codependency and Addiction: Understand the Relationship and Get Help

Codependency and addiction have a complex relationship. A codependent person may unwittingly enable their loved one to keep using substances without consequences. The codependent person themself may struggle with an addiction to cope with the pain of codependency. 

Addiction often results from codependency, as codependents may turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with their issues and to fill an emotional void. Codependency can also lead to addiction by enabling an individual to continue substance use even when it harms their health or relationships. Someone with a substance use disorder may also be more likely to form codependent relationships to gain approval and validation.

Addiction and codependency can feed into each other—though one hasn’t yet been found to definitively cause the other. Codependency doesn’t just happen in a relationship with someone with an addiction, either. 

To find help for codependency and addiction, you can attend peer-support groups, therapy, and go to a rehab that focuses on codependency. 

Codependency: What Is It And Where Does it Come From?

Codependency is a type of dysfunctional relationship where one person has a dependent pattern of behavior that’s emotionally destructive to themselves and/or the other person. It’s typically characterized by an excessive emotional, physical, or psychological reliance on another person—to the point of neglecting your own needs. Codependents also tend to be overly controlling of the other person in their relationship.

Codependency isn’t a diagnosis, nor does it have a mutually agreed upon definition. Some psychologists, scientists, and members of the public think the traits of codependency could just be part of the emotional human experience. 

Others argue codependency can be separated from the bulk of human experiences as a unique adaptation to stress, trauma, unstable childhoods, and living with someone with an addiction. And as codependency becomes a more common phenomenon, more people may realize they fit into its broad definition. 

Generally, a codependent person will aim to control another person or situation by losing themself in the other’s desires and perceived needs. They accept unacceptable behavior as a way to maintain some control of the situation or of the other person. But this can make them disappear—hiding away to continually meet others’ needs. 

Where Does Codependency Come From?

Some definitions of codependency suggest it only develops if someone you live with has an addiction. More accurately, the source of codependency may stem from personality, childhood experiences, trauma, and an intermingling of each. Living with someone who has an addiction can certainly cause codependent tendencies. 

And, none of those factors can cause codependency, too. Some people who live with a person with an addiction may never struggle with codependency. Studies have proven an addicted spouse or child isn’t the sole cause of codependency; but for some family members, addiction can be a catalyst. Someone with childhood trauma may never become codependent either, but it’s a common cause since childhood shapes your adult personality.

Childhood Roots of Codependency

Someone who grew up in a dysfunctional or emotionally distant family may resort to codependency to survive—taking on more responsibilities than they should, making others’ emotions their duty to manage, and losing their true self in the instability of those they seek to control. Doing this may offer a sense of safety and security. 

Codependency in childhood usually causes codependency in adulthood. A child of an alcoholic parent, for example, may gravitate toward a spouse with drinking problems because that unstable relationship feels normal, as does forfeiting their sense of self for safety and control. Being in fight-or-flight mode during childhood can cause a codependent to seek that feeling in adulthood. Someone who takes them out of fight-or-flight mode may feel too unfamiliar, and even daunting, to pursue.

Addiction in Both Parties

As defined by the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), “addiction is a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences.” Addiction can affect the codependent, the other in their relationship, or both of them. 

A person with substance addiction isn’t the only half of a codependent relationship that can struggle with an addiction. Often, a codependent person will use alcohol, drugs, sex, food, and other substances to manage the pain of codependency. Addressing substance use in both parties can help the relationship heal as a whole.  

The Relationship Between Codependency And Addiction

A spouse, parent, or sibling may become codependent as a way to manage the turmoil of their loved one’s addiction. Someone with an active addiction often has unpredictable emotions, behaviors, and moods. Their codependent will likely appease their every whim to self-manage their unreliability. 

A codependent person also believes they can force their loved one to stop using out of sheer will—or by succumbing to their every need and demand, hoping they can abate the feelings causing them to drink or use drugs. Failing to stop the substance use may drive the codependent to drugs, alcohol, or risky behaviors to cope with that pain.

Someone who’s codependent can enable their loved one’s addiction by accepting the behavior. Codependent people often live in denial—denial of their loved one’s addiction, how they need help, how they both need help—as a way to manage the problem. 

Denying the issue can give it fuel. The person with addiction may knowingly or unknowingly take advantage of that denial to continue using without consequences. So, their addiction may get worse, as would how they treat their codependent partner. The codependent, meanwhile, resorts further and further to their codependent tendencies to find some element of control. And so the cycle continues.

A lack of control and a codependent’s limitless desire for control can perpetuate their codependent behaviors. They may reason that if they just keep trying, they’ll eventually gain control; one day it’ll work and they’ll never drink again. But, as many come to realize, you can’t force someone out of addiction.

Challenges of Breaking The Cycle

The codependent may feel too scared or anxious to stop seeking control through appeasing their spouse/child/parent. They may also fear speaking up about their emotional pain, or even recognizing it at all. 

Someone with an addiction could find it easier to stay addicted if their partner goes along with it or pretends they can’t see it. They might not consider treatment, thinking they’ve “got it handled” and don’t need help. Over time, and without any treatment, their addiction can worsen. 

The codependent often experiences an addictive cycle of emotions. They can go from extreme lows to extreme highs, depending on how their partner treats them. The codependent may crave the next high just as a drug user craves a drug high. 

Treatment And Recovery

Professional treatment can help you find the cause of your codependency traits and develop new ways to manage a lack of control, real and perceived. Each person in a codependent relationship can benefit from treatment.

Treatment for The Codependent

Codependents can benefit from psychoeducation and taking a dive into their childhood. Psychoeducation teaches a codependent the “why” behind their behaviors, including the biochemical reactions that make the cycle so hard to leave. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help a codependent recognize the traits of codependency and examine the emotions behind them. Since most codependents have had a traumatic or dysfunctional childhood, CBT sessions will likely focus on your childhood to find the root belief behind your emotions and behaviors. 

For example, you may believe others’ needs are your responsibility and will feel guilty if you don’t completely satisfy their needs. This ingrained belief may have begun in childhood, perhaps because of an emotionally volatile, mentally unwell, physically unwell, or addicted parent. CBT will help you identify what caused that belief and the guilt related to it, then change your coping tool (codependency).  

You can also benefit from peer support and self-help groups, whether they’re 12-Step-based or not. Support groups can help you find an explanation for your experience and others who share it. Other resources, like books and podcasts, can also help a codependent understand their traits and heal. Here’s a few books you could check out:

Treatment for The Partner

The “partner” in a codependent relationship could be your romantic partner, but it broadly refers to the other person in your codependent relationship. That could be your spouse, child, parent, relative, or close friend. 

The codependent partner may not mean to drive someone to codependency. A codependent’s empathy and conscientiousness might be so highly attuned to negative emotions that healthy expressions of sadness, anger, or other negative emotions could trigger their partner’s codependent traits. 

But in some cases, if not most, the codependent’s partner has similar traits as the dysfunctional or abusive parent(s) the codependent grew up with. They have poor relationships in adulthood because it feels normal. That means a codependent is more likely to fall for a narcissist, an abuser, or someone exploitative. 

When your partner has a personality disorder, an addiction, or dark personality traits, they need professional treatment to heal. Treatment for addiction, for example, can help your partner address the cause of their addiction and identify new coping strategies for difficult emotions. After treatment, you’ll hopefully find your partner much more stable, reciprocative, and safe. In those cases, your codependent traits may fade because you simply don’t need them anymore. 

Once your partner has received proper treatment, you could both attend couples therapy. Here, you’ll address what triggers your codependency traits. Your partner will learn more about how it works for you and how they can help. They may also be able to reassure you that codependency isn’t their intent for you and that they’ll work with you to get well.

You and your family can also attend family therapy to address codependency in your family and how it affects each member. 

Prevention And Self-Care Strategies for Codependency

One way to prevent codependency is to educate yourself on what it is and what causes it. If you do recognize it in yourself, you can seek professional treatment and practice self-care strategies to prevent it from getting worse. Some strategies you can try include:

  • Practice self-acceptance. Each day, try to take stock of the times you blame yourself for someone else’s negative emotions. Then, challenge the blame. Write down the process and your thoughts on it. See if you can make it a daily habit. 
  • Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe. Can you identify people in your life who don’t make you feel responsible for their emotions? People who make you feel safe being yourself? Keep them close as you navigate your codependency.
  • Set aside time just for you. Spend an hour, three hours, or any amount of time however you want—just not on the other person in your codependent relationship. Take a bath, go to the library, or take a walk. Anything that sounds nice to you. 
  • Pursue what brings you joy. Rekindle old hobbies or try something new to give you an extra boost of happiness and confidence in your abilities. 

You can also attend treatment for codependency and addiction at rehab, which provides 24/7 support, intensive treatment, group and 1:1 therapy, and wellness services. 
Explore our list of rehabs treating codependency with pricing information, reviews, photos, and more.