Breaking the Addiction Cycle: John’s 6 Ways to Find Lasting Recovery from Alcohol

Addiction is a complex journey, often marked by cycles of relapse and recovery, moments of profound despair, and ultimately, if one persists, incredible breakthroughs. It’s a deeply personal struggle, unique to each individual, yet sharing common threads of pain, denial, and the arduous path toward healing. As John, a guest on the Giving Voice to Addiction Podcast, eloquently puts it, “It’s just truly never too late to get started and get after this. Even if you’ve failed, you always get back up. Always.” His story offers a powerful testament to the possibility of finding profound and authentic recovery, even after years of struggle and multiple relapses. This article delves into the insights from John’s journey, exploring the critical elements that paved his way to lasting sobriety and offering actionable steps for those seeking their own path to healing.

1. Recognizing the Gradual Slide: When Fun Becomes a Problem

Many people’s relationship with substances begins innocently, perhaps as a social activity or a way to unwind. However, for those predisposed to addiction, this relationship can subtly shift, transforming from a source of enjoyment into a significant problem. John’s experience mirrors this progression, starting as a “weekend warrior” in college, then evolving into a “work hard, play hard” mentality in his consulting career. The insidious nature of addiction lies in its gradual escalation. As John recalls, it’s “such a graduated slide in where you start to feel more guilt about like, why am I doing this? Like, well, this is harder than it should be.”

This slow descent often involves a shift from recreational use to coping mechanism, where substances become a false “solution” to discomfort. John describes this as “being uncomfortable and seeking out a solution to that rather than really doing maybe work on the underlying foundation.” The illusion of a quick fix postpones the inevitable reckoning, as his college professors wisely observed about procrastinating tests: “You’re just postponing the pain.” Understanding this subtle but powerful shift is crucial for identifying when a problem is brewing. It’s not always about hitting a dramatic “rock bottom” initially, but rather recognizing the increasing reliance and negative consequences that slowly permeate one’s life.

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2. The Nuance of Sobriety: Good vs. Dry

Not all periods of abstinence are equal. John introduces the insightful distinction between being “good” and being “dry” in recovery. While both involve not consuming alcohol or drugs, the internal experience differs significantly. Being “good” means finding genuine happiness and peace, living authentically and in alignment with oneself. As John describes it, “Good where it truly just happy, like peaceful, like doing, living in a true manner, like true to myself.” This state is characterized by emotional well-being and a sense of inner harmony.

Conversely, being “dry” implies abstinence without inner peace. It’s a state of enduring sobriety, often fueled by anger, anxiety, and resentment. John notes, “Dry, it was more, a lot of anger, a lot of anxiety, resentments for sure. Um, maybe just life was too busy to even realize what was going on. So kind of cold, dry.” This distinction highlights the importance of addressing underlying emotional and psychological issues in recovery. Simply removing the substance without tending to the root causes of addiction can lead to a precarious and unfulfilling sobriety, vulnerable to relapse. True recovery aims for the “good,” a holistic state of well-being that extends beyond mere abstinence.

3. Confronting Denial and Asking for Help

Despite having a family history of recovery, John initially resisted seeking help. He describes this period as “more denial than anything.” He rationalized his continued use by pointing to his functional life: “I still had the job. I still had the feeling like I hadn’t lost yet.” This is a common characteristic of addiction – the individual is often the last to truly grasp the severity of their situation. The social cues of a seemingly normal life can serve as powerful tools for self-deception, allowing the addiction to deepen its roots.

However, the consequences eventually became undeniable. The deterioration of his first marriage and the painful distance from his daughter served as stark indicators of how far he had fallen. The first time he drank alone in the morning was a vivid and painful memory, a clear crossing of a moral line. “I think ’cause it is just so counter to morals, like so against everything I’d ever wanted to be, what I thought I was. But that’s how damn scary it is.” This realization, coupled with a period of intense, around-the-clock drinking that culminated in a harrowing three-day blackout, finally pushed him to a “broken” point. At this juncture, the only viable option was to ask for help. This step, though terrifying, marks the true beginning of a potential path to recovery.

4. The Uncomfortable Truth: Unearthing the “Why”

For years, John struggled to understand the “why” behind his relapses. He could articulate the immediate triggers or circumstances, but the deeper, underlying reasons remained elusive. It wasn’t until his most recent period of sobriety that he began to uncover the profound roots of his “not enoughness” and shame. This honesty, even about deeply painful childhood trauma, proved to be the pivotal shift. He recounted a traumatic childhood experience that, when shared with his mother, was met with dismissal and shame. This profoundly impacted his self-worth: “That just reinforced. Just nothing was good enough. Even your most vulnerable, the people that are supposed to protect you.”

This unaddressed trauma fueled a pervasive sense of inadequacy and shame, leading him to self-medicate and perpetuate the cycle of addiction. The death of his mother, paradoxically, brought a wave of anger that forced him to confront these buried emotions. He realized he was “polluting everything” with this unexpressed rage and shame. The turning point came with a desperate act – drinking mouthwash to avoid feeling the overwhelming emotions. This rock bottom, coupled with the realization that he hadn’t been “completely honest” even with himself and his therapists, propelled him into rigorous self-examination. “I don’t think that you don’t know till you’re slightly into it how. Freeing that truly can be to hear it in the rooms. You know, just painful. Just the most painfully, desperately honest, and I wasn’t.” Unearthing this core trauma and understanding its profound impact on his life was not easy, but it was essential for sustainable recovery. This deep dive into the “why” allowed him to finally address the underlying wounds that addiction had been masking.

5. The Value of Relapse and Resilient Recovery

While relapse is never desired, John’s story highlights how it can, paradoxically, serve as a catalyst for deeper healing when met with renewed commitment. He emphasizes that “relapse is not failure if you get back up.” Each fall, though increasingly difficult and accompanied by deeper shame, also provided invaluable lessons. The cumulative pain of repeated relapses ultimately led him to a point of utter exhaustion and desperation, forcing him to embrace radical honesty.

This renewed commitment, fueled by the weariness of constant falling, allowed him to genuinely internalize the lessons from his experiences. He could then look fellow individuals in recovery “dead in the eye” and genuinely tell them, “No, it will be okay. It can be okay.” This authenticity stems from lived experience, transforming his struggles into a source of genuine hope and guidance for others. The value lies not in the relapse itself, but in the unwavering determination to learn from it, to delve deeper into the root causes, and to continually strive for true healing. The scars of past relapses, rather than being badges of shame, become reminders of resilience and the profound strength gained from confronting one’s deepest fears.

6. Forgiveness and Authentic Connection

A critical component of John’s lasting recovery was finding the capacity for forgiveness, both for himself and for those who had inadvertently contributed to his pain. He described a profound moment of internal “group hug” with his parents, where he forgave them, understanding that “they genuinely were doing the best they could.” This act of letting go of resentment, particularly the belief that “you should have done more,” was incredibly liberating. It allowed him to shed the heavy burden of holding onto past injustices and embrace a more peaceful present.

This newfound peace paved the way for authentic relationships. John now describes his connections as “deep, wholesome, and genuine,” and he is “living an authentic version of yourself.” He finds joy in simply being himself – “goofy, silly, just witty” – without reservation or the need to wear a mask. This self-acceptance is mirrored in the acceptance he receives from his partner and son. He no longer perceives kindness as weakness, but rather as a strength that requires “work when stuff isn’t perfect to be like, well, there’s an answer in here somewhere. Let’s just go find it.” This shift from shame and anger to forgiveness and authenticity is a testament to the transformative power of deep recovery. It’s a journey that allows individuals to shed the burdens of the past and build a life rich with genuine connection and self-acceptance.

The Journey Continues

John’s story is a powerful reminder that recovery is a continuous process, a journey of self-discovery and growth. It underscores the vital importance of rigorous honesty, the courage to confront past traumas, and the resilience to rise after every fall. His ultimate message is one of profound hope: addiction is not hopeless. It may be terrifying and painful, but it is not hopeless.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, remember that help is available and it’s never too late to start your journey toward authentic recovery. Resources such as Recovery.com offer a wide range of information, including treatment options and support systems.

Postpartum Depression: Natasha’s 8 Insights to Navigate the Journey and Find Healing

The joy and anticipation surrounding the arrival of a new baby are often painted as an idyllic experience. However, for many new mothers, the reality can be a stark contrast, marked by profound sadness, anxiety, and a sense of overwhelm. This is the reality of postpartum depression (PPD), a complex and often misunderstood condition that affects countless individuals. In a recent episode of Giving Voice to Mental Health by Recovery.com, Natasha bravely shared her journey with postpartum depression and anxiety, shedding light on the importance of seeking help and breaking down the stigma associated with mental health challenges.

1. The Unexpected Arrival and the Onset of Fear

Natasha’s first pregnancy, in late 2018, was filled with excitement and meticulous preparation. She proactively attended parenting courses, took notes, and even had her hospital bag packed months in advance. Yet, the early arrival of her son, a month ahead of schedule, immediately introduced an element of fear. “Especially being my first pregnancy, I didn’t know any of the signs of what’s normal and what’s abnormal,” Natasha recounted. This initial fear, coupled with the whirlwind of a rapid delivery and discharge, laid the groundwork for what she initially dismissed as “baby blues.”

However, the “baby blues” lingered and intensified. The transition from a highly independent career woman in accounting for 14 years to a stay-at-home mother was a significant life change that compounded her struggles. Despite all her preparations, she quickly realized that the “playbook” for parenting didn’t exist. “You can read all the books you want, but once that baby is here, it is like day by day,” she explained. A constant fear permeated her days: “Am I doing this right? I gotta make sure the baby’s safe.” This fear became a persistent companion, hinting at a deeper struggle than mere adjustment to motherhood.

2. Recognizing the Subtle, Yet Powerful, Symptoms

Initially, Natasha didn’t connect her symptoms to what her doula had educated her and her husband about regarding postpartum depression. She rationalized her feelings, telling herself she was “too much in [her] head” and “overthinking.” Despite her husband’s diligent check-ins, she would often claim to be fine, only to find herself crying while making a bottle or grappling with “constant thoughts of something bad happening to my child,” even when he was perfectly safe beside her.

These internal struggles went unaddressed for four months until they reached a breaking point. One evening, she “just like lost it on [her] husband,” an outburst that left him confused and hurt. This moment of intense emotional distress served as a stark realization that “something’s not right here.” She retreated to the bathroom, crying for hours, and ultimately, penned an email to her husband, acknowledging her struggle and the need to “speak to somebody.”

Natasha’s experience highlights the insidious nature of PPD, where symptoms can be subtle and easily dismissed, especially by the individual experiencing them. She grappled with a sense of pride, telling herself, “No, that’s you being weak and why are you feeling sad? You have no reason to be sad and your baby’s fine. Everything’s fine.” This internal battle between the reality of her feelings and the perceived weakness of admitting them is a common thread in many PPD journeys.

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3. The Influence of Family History and Cultural Stigma

Natasha’s reluctance to acknowledge her struggles was deeply rooted in her family history and cultural upbringing. Depression ran in her family, but it was often masked by unhealthy coping mechanisms like drug and alcohol addiction, domestic violence, and gambling. “No one really dealt with their problems in a healthy way,” she observed. This exposure led her to develop a keen interest in psychology, driven by a desire to understand why her parents struggled and why her family couldn’t recover like others she knew.

Despite her knowledge of mental health issues within her family, Natasha still believed she was immune. “I still told myself, well no, I’m fine. It’s not going to affect me ’cause I’m not, you know, I’m not drinking or doing drugs or whatever. I’m fine. I got healthy habits,” she asserted. This “ego thing,” as she put it, convinced her she was “too strong for postpartum depression.”

The stigma surrounding mental health in the Black community further complicated her journey. “In the black community as a whole, you didn’t go to therapy, you didn’t seek counseling because that was for crazy people,” she shared. Mental health challenges were often swept under the rug, to be prayed about or simply endured in silence. This ingrained cultural norm made the idea of seeking professional help feel foreign and even shameful.

4. The Courage to Seek Unbiased Help: Therapy as a Turning Point

Despite the ingrained resistance, Natasha’s breaking point led her to consider therapy. Her husband, armed with the knowledge from their doula, suggested reaching out for connections to therapists. What followed was a profound shift in her perspective.

“I started to realize that no, that it’s okay to go speak to someone who’s unbiased,” Natasha stated. Though nervous about the unknown – whether she would connect with the therapist, the types of questions she would be asked, and the vulnerability of revealing her deepest struggles – she felt a sense of relief. Her first session was transformative. “Right away I felt connected to her and I felt relief. I was like, oh, finally off my chest, I’m talking to someone.”

Therapy became a weekly lifeline, a space where she could unload the heavy burden she had been carrying. It was a place to be heard, a crucial element in her healing process. The therapist’s insightful question, “Are you sure you haven’t always been depressed?” resonated deeply, prompting Natasha to connect the dots between her current struggles and repressed childhood trauma. This realization was a turning point, revealing that her postpartum depression was intertwined with deeper, long-standing emotional wounds.

5. Unpacking Childhood Trauma and Embracing the Healing Journey

Through therapy, Natasha began to unearth repressed memories from her childhood, revealing the roots of her fear, anxiety, and the feeling of not being able to keep her baby safe. Her parents’ struggles with addiction and the tumultuous environment she grew up in had left lasting imprints. “I felt like I couldn’t really express what I was going through, like the constant worrying, the overthinking and just being afraid,” she recalled, echoing the sentiment of her past experiences where “no one really cares what you’re going through, so just deal with it.”

Therapy helped her understand that her constant worry about her child’s safety was deeply connected to her own childhood trauma and the fear of repeating past mistakes. This profound insight allowed her to shed the shame she had carried, particularly the feeling of being “ungrateful” for her blessings while experiencing sadness. “It was, I was even confused,” she admitted, grappling with the disconnect between her seemingly good life and her internal turmoil.

Natasha’s journey through therapy taught her that healing is not a destination but an ongoing process. “It’s a journey,” she emphasized. While she initially believed she was “healed” after initial counseling, triggering conversations and external experiences continued to uncover new areas for growth. “It probably will take the rest of your life from healing,” she acknowledged, but stressed the concept of “different stages” of healing, where she can now reflect on past traumas without spiraling into emotional distress.

6. Transforming Motherhood and Embracing a Healthier Future

As a result of therapy, Natasha’s relationship with herself and her child began to transform. She became “less afraid day by day,” developing a newfound trust in her ability to keep her baby safe. She also became more mindful of the content she consumed, recognizing how negative information could trigger her anxieties. The process enabled her to “relax and be more loving to my child.”

The true testament to her healing came with her second pregnancy, eight months prior to the podcast. This time, her experience was “so much better.” While she still experienced moments of sadness, she was able to recognize them and identify the triggers, such as consuming excessive sad content. Her proactive approach, armed with the techniques learned in therapy and a greater awareness of her emotional responses during pregnancy, made all the difference.

“I’m able, like, I feel a lot better. I’m not having the same amount of like sadness as I was the first time around,” she proudly shared. She now has a repertoire of healthy coping mechanisms, including music, adult coloring, exercise, and open communication with her husband. This proactive self-care has allowed her to navigate the challenges of new motherhood with greater resilience and joy.

7. A Champion for Seeking Help: Breaking the Silence

Natasha’s story serves as a powerful call to action for other mothers struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. Her most fervent advice is to “ask for help” and to not let pride or guilt stand in the way of seeking support. “Don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself. ’cause it’s like, mom guilt is a very real thing,” she cautioned.

She emphasizes the abundance of resources available, urging individuals not to be afraid to speak to someone if they are experiencing unusual anxiety, sadness, constant crying, or fear. For Natasha, the biggest regret was not knowing about these resources sooner and allowing the stigma to prevent her from seeking help. The “little voice” in the back of her head, fueled by societal and familial norms, told her to “just pray to God about it. Go have a glass of wine, you’ll be okay.”

Natasha is now a passionate advocate for counseling and therapy, especially within communities where it remains taboo. While she acknowledges the financial barriers and the challenge of finding the right therapist, she strongly encourages persistence. “Keep trying ’cause don’t give up,” she advises, emphasizing the critical importance of addressing mental health challenges before they fester and lead to deeper regret.

8. Recognizing the Nuances of Postpartum Symptoms

Recognizing PPD symptoms can be particularly challenging for new mothers, as many overlap with the normal adjustments of having a newborn. Natasha highlights key indicators:

  • Neglecting self and isolating: New moms might find themselves not showering, eating, or engaging with others, even when people reach out.
  • Extreme bouts of crying: Crying frequently and for seemingly no reason, especially if it’s uncharacteristic.
  • Constant negativity: A pervasive negative outlook on life that is uncharacteristic of the individual.
  • Changes in sleep patterns: Sleeping more or less than usual, even beyond the typical sleep deprivation of new parenthood.

Natasha stresses that it’s often easier for loved ones to recognize when someone is “not themselves” rather than trying to memorize a list of symptoms. Partners, family, and friends who know the individual well are often the first to notice subtle shifts in behavior or mood.

It is also important to remember that postpartum depression exists on a spectrum, from mild to severe, and in rare cases, can escalate to postpartum psychosis, a severe mental illness requiring immediate medical attention. Natasha underscores the importance of professional guidance to understand the specific type and severity of symptoms.

Natasha’s story is a powerful testament to the reality of postpartum depression and the profound impact of seeking help. Her journey, from initial denial and fear to embracing therapy and advocating for mental health awareness, offers invaluable insights and hope for countless new mothers. By bravely sharing her experience, she encourages others to break the silence, challenge ingrained stigmas, and prioritize their mental well-being, recognizing that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but an act of profound strength and self-love. If you or someone you know is struggling with postpartum depression, remember that resources and support are available, and healing is possible.

Navigating Addiction: 6 Ways Elizabeth Pearson Found Hope and Healing in Recovery

Navigating the path to recovery can often feel like an isolating journey, fraught with personal battles and internal struggles. Yet, as Elizabeth Pearson, a content creator, marathon runner, and the powerhouse behind @eatlizabeth, profoundly shares, “You are not unique… You’re not alone. The experiences that you’re having, the things you’re grappling with. So many of us go through those same things.” Her story, as explored in a candid interview on Recoverycast with hosts Brittani Baynard and Tom Farley, illuminates the transformative power of embracing vulnerability, finding community, and understanding the deeper roots of addiction and mental health challenges.

1. The Mask of Perfection: High-Functioning Addiction

Elizabeth’s early life was marked by a relentless pursuit of perfection. As a “super type A, compulsive rule follower” involved in countless extracurriculars and academically driven, the idea of substance use was entirely off her radar, primarily driven by a fear of jeopardizing her future and disappointing her parents. However, college presented an opportunity for reinvention, and with it, the introduction of alcohol.

“When I drank alcohol for the first time, it was like, okay, all of a sudden I get to turn off the noise in my brain,” Elizabeth recounted. This initial experience offered a deceptive sense of ease and confidence, leading her to believe that drinking made her “funnier and smarter and wittier and more confident.” This feeling became a relentless chase, particularly within a college environment where binge drinking was normalized.

Her ability to maintain academic excellence and a robust social life while drinking masked the developing problem. Her grades remained high, her social circles thrived, and externally, there were no red flags for her family or friends. This highlights a crucial, often overlooked aspect of addiction: it doesn’t always manifest as immediate, visible collapse. High-functioning addiction can be particularly insidious because the individual maintains a semblance of normalcy, delaying the recognition of a problem for themselves and those around them. This can lead to significant confusion, as Elizabeth notes, “You know how nothing, there is no negative to this except this feeling.” The absence of immediate negative consequences makes it incredibly challenging to recognize that a problem exists.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

2. Unpacking the Roots of Insecurity and Self-Punishment

Beneath the surface of Elizabeth’s high-achieving exterior lay a profound sense of insecurity and a pervasive feeling that “something inherently being wrong with me, but not necessarily being able to name what that thing is.” This deep-seated discomfort fueled a pattern of self-punishment, which first manifested as an eating disorder in middle and high school. This provided a twisted sense of control and a means to “keep me in line,” driven by a belief that “there’s something inside of me that feels broken or bad and like I need to be punished.”

This underlying theme continued into her relationships, as she gravitated towards verbally and physically abusive partners. Her rationale was chillingly clear: she believed she couldn’t trust herself to stay “in line” and needed external forces to do it for her. This demonstrates how unresolved emotional pain and self-perception can drive destructive patterns across different areas of life.

Elizabeth also grappled with the impact of a sexual assault during her senior year of high school. Growing up in a Christian household, she initially interpreted this traumatic event as “divine punishment for making a mistake.” Drinking became a way to “silence so much of that noise and not actually have to confront things that had happened.” While acknowledging the traumatic elements of her past, Elizabeth offers a powerful insight: “I wanted to hold onto that trauma really, really tightly and closely because I felt like it gave me reasons to drink.” This speaks to the complex interplay between trauma, narrative, and the justification of self-destructive behaviors.

3. The Catalyst for Change: When Rock Bottom Isn’t What You Expect

Despite maintaining external success, Elizabeth’s internal world was crumbling. Her drinking escalated, particularly during the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, when she found herself in an unsafe relationship. “I started drinking alone all the time,” she admitted, driven by “layer upon layer of shame and feeling like I had failed.” The situation became dire when her partner began to abuse her dog, Sawyer. “My self-esteem was so low at that point that I didn’t really care what happened to me,” Elizabeth revealed, but the abuse of Sawyer was the line she couldn’t cross. “That was really what got me out,” she said, crediting her dog with saving her life.

Even after escaping that abusive relationship, sobriety wasn’t immediate. She continued to drink for three more years, using the trauma as another “reason for me to drink.” She was stuck on a “hamster wheel,” trying everything to cope, all while maintaining a good job and a boyfriend. However, the emotional toll was immense. “I was so deeply depressed. I had a plan for how I wanted to end my life,” she shared.

The turning point came one Wednesday morning. “Nothing out of the ordinary had happened the night before, but I was just hung over again.” In that moment, Elizabeth experienced what she describes as a “divine intervention,” a stark realization: “You have two choices right now. You are either gonna stop drinking or you’re going to die.” This led to a period of being “dry,” abstaining from alcohol but without a structured recovery program. While physically feeling better, her mind was still consumed by thoughts of drinking. This illustrates the critical distinction between simply not drinking and actively engaging in the work of recovery.

4. Finding Community and the Power of Shared Experience

Unsure of where to turn, Elizabeth sought out an AA meeting, initially with the cynical expectation of finding people “worse off” than herself to justify her own continued drinking. “I walked into my first meeting and I thought, oh, this is gonna be great because I’m gonna go in and I’m gonna see how much worse off everybody else is, and then I’m gonna know that I don’t really belong here and I can go back to drinking,” she confessed. What she found instead was a profound sense of recognition and belonging. “I walk into that room and it is like a bunch of people exactly like me.”

This immediate connection, reinforced by a “ticket meeting” where she was called to speak, was a pivotal moment. “It was the scariest, but one most wonderful moment of my life is when I said like, hi, I’m Elizabeth and I’m an alcoholic.” This declaration, made in a room of strangers who understood her, lifted a decade-long weight of confusion and self-blame. “Finally it was just this weight lifted off my chest of being like, I have been trying to figure out for like a decade what is wrong with me. And I’m now sitting in a room full of people who just understand the way that my brain is wired. And I have a solution now.”

The response from her then-boyfriend was less supportive, as he dismissed her declaration with “Elizabeth, you’re being dramatic. You’re not an alcoholic. I know alcoholics. You’re not one of them.” Elizabeth astutely observed that “people take your choices around drinking very personally,” often seeing it as an “indictment on their choices.” Despite this, her decision to return to the meeting the next day was her “burning bush moment,” a clear commitment to herself over external validation.

Elizabeth strongly recommends women-only meetings, emphasizing that “the connection and the honesty I found in rooms of, of women has been like beyond anything that I’d experienced before.” This specialized support can foster a deeper sense of trust and shared understanding among individuals facing similar challenges.

5. Building a New Life: The 12 Steps and Rigorous Honesty

The gift of desperation, as Elizabeth calls it, was her greatest asset in recovery. She was “so desperate to feel differently and to feel well that I was willing to do anything that anybody told me to live a different life.” This willingness is paramount in embracing the 12-Step program, which Elizabeth credits with changing her life.

The 12 Steps provided not only a path to sobriety but also a framework for rebuilding relationships, particularly with women. She recognized that active addiction fosters selfishness, making genuine connections difficult. In recovery, she found an opportunity to learn “how I think about being in relationships with other people and how I can show up for people.”

A core component of Elizabeth’s transformation has been the embrace of “rigorous honesty.” Previously, her dishonesty was largely for “deception for image maintenance’s sake,” constructing a facade to prevent anyone from discovering her problem and potentially taking alcohol away. This involved blaming others for her struggles, a common defense mechanism in addiction. However, through the 12 Steps, she learned a profound lesson: “Your resentments aren’t necessarily the ways that people have wronged you, but it’s the ways that you give away your power.” This realization shifted her perspective from victimhood to accountability, allowing her to let go of anger and move forward.

The difference between being “dry” and “sober” became vividly clear. Dryness was merely the absence of alcohol, while sobriety, achieved through the 12 Steps and community, brought a profound sense of connection and purpose. “I went from feeling like I had nobody in my corner to… just having a room of strangers so ready to love me.” This unconditional acceptance, regardless of her past actions, allowed her to shed the shame and the belief that a seat in AA needed to be “earned” through a dramatic rock bottom.

6. Embracing Gratitude and a “Second Life”

Gratitude has become a cornerstone of Elizabeth’s daily practice, a tool for combating resentment, jealousy, and comparison. She reflects on her “two lives” – her “drunk life and our sober life,” seeing it as a “miracle” and a unique opportunity to choose again. This perspective fosters appreciation for the seemingly ordinary aspects of her current life that were unimaginable during her addiction.

The journey through recovery, particularly the step work, allowed her to understand the deeper layers of her struggles. She came to realize that alcohol was not her problem, but rather her “only solution.” This reframe is crucial for those grappling with addiction, suggesting that the substance itself is a symptom of underlying issues rather than the sole cause. For individuals questioning their relationship with alcohol, asking “Do you feel that like alcohol is your solution for life?” can be a powerful diagnostic question.

Elizabeth’s story underscores that true recovery is a holistic process that addresses not just substance use but also the mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being of an individual. It’s about building self-esteem through “esteemable things,” taking “the next right action,” and cultivating an unwavering commitment to honesty and self-awareness. Her journey from the depths of depression and self-hatred to a life of sobriety, community, and marathon running is a testament to the fact that transformation is indeed possible, even if it’s “often pretty messy.”

Addiction and Depression: Aaron’s 8 Ways to Find Hope and Transform Your Life

The journey through addiction and depression can feel like an unending night, where the light at the end of the tunnel is a cruel mirage. Yet, as countless individuals have discovered, and as Aaron eloquently shares, hope is not merely a wish; it’s a tangible outcome of courage and connection. His story, born from the depths of personal struggle and illuminated by the devastating loss of a loved one, offers a profound testament to the power of vulnerability, community, and unwavering commitment to self-care. It’s a journey from hidden shame to open acceptance, demonstrating that even when the path ahead seems impossible, there are guiding lights to lead the way.

1. The Unexpected Catalyst for Change: Finding Hope Amidst Loss

For many grappling with substance abuse, the realization that change is necessary often comes from a deeply personal and painful place. For Aaron, that catalyst arrived in the most tragic form: the overdose death of his cousin. “The day after Thanksgiving,” Aaron recounts, “I found out my cousin had overdosed on heroin and he died… Sunday I woke up and I said, I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be the next one to die in our family.” This harrowing experience, while devastating, became the turning point that propelled him toward seeking help, despite his prior reluctance to admit his struggles.

Before this pivotal moment, Aaron, like many, held onto the belief that his drinking was merely a coping mechanism for sleep, an ingrained habit rather than a serious problem. He made “a million excuses why I wasn’t an alcoholic” and was “scared to admit that I was an alcoholic.” This internal conflict is a common thread in addiction, where denial acts as a powerful barrier to recovery. The loss of his cousin, however, shattered this denial, providing a stark and undeniable reflection of his own precarious situation. It was a wake-up call that forced him to confront the potential consequences of his unchecked substance use.

In a poignant admission, Aaron shares, “I didn’t think I was ready to be done drinking, but he was my hope.” This highlights a crucial aspect of recovery: sometimes, the impetus for change isn’t a sudden desire for sobriety, but an external force that, however painful, illuminates the urgency of the situation. His cousin, though absent, became a spiritual guide and a “higher power” in his recovery journey through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). This unexpected source of hope underscores the profound impact that even difficult experiences can have in setting individuals on a path toward healing and self-discovery.

2. Unpacking the Intertwined Nature of Addiction and Mental Health

Aaron’s journey powerfully illustrates the inseparable link between substance use disorder and mental health challenges, specifically depression. While he initially sought help for his alcohol abuse, he readily acknowledges that depression played “a huge part of my story as well.” This duality is a common reality for many, where one condition often exacerbates or conceals the other. As the podcast host aptly puts it, “you can’t separate them… it’s trying to take the salt out of the stew to act like they’re different things.”

Aaron’s struggles with depression began at a young age, around 13 or 14, when he “didn’t feel normal” and even contemplated suicide. He initially sought therapy, but the discomfort of confronting his internal struggles led him to prematurely discontinue treatment. “It’s not comfortable feeling uncomfortable,” he admits, explaining how he told his parents he was no longer suicidal, even though he continued to struggle internally. This avoidance of discomfort later fueled his reliance on alcohol.

His drinking evolved from social high school experimentation to a deeply ingrained coping mechanism for his worsening depression. He describes a pervasive internal struggle, where his mind “doesn’t shut off” at night. Alcohol became a means to silence the relentless thoughts and induce sleep, a desperate attempt to find peace. “I just thought it was easier just to pick up a bottle and start drinking and eventually I would pass out,” he explains. This insidious cycle, where alcohol provided temporary relief while simultaneously deepening his depression, is a hallmark of co-occurring disorders. It wasn’t until he fully committed to addressing both his addiction and his mental health in rehab that he began to find genuine and sustainable relief.

Explore treatment options for alcohol addiction and depression.

3. The Progression of Addiction: From Social Drinking to Secret Shame

Aaron’s narrative provides a clear illustration of how addiction can insidiously take root and escalate. What began as casual social drinking in high school and college, where he “would get hungover and hated drinking,” gradually transformed into a pervasive and secretive habit. The shift occurred during his ten years living in Chicago, particularly while working at Cook County Juvenile Detention. The immense stress of his job, coupled with difficulties in his personal relationship, created fertile ground for his substance use to intensify.

His routine evolved into stopping at the grocery store for a pint of Fireball before even reaching home, a clear sign of escalating dependence. This marked the beginning of a descent into closet drinking, a common behavior among those struggling with addiction who wish to conceal the extent of their problem. He became “embarrassed of myself” and actively sought to avoid social situations where his drinking might be exposed. This clandestine consumption led to a life of constant deception.

The internal monologue of an active addiction is vividly portrayed by Aaron: “You would wake up and that’s kind of what was on your mind is when can I get my next drink?” During work, he would eagerly anticipate five o’clock, the moment he could escape to the liquor store. Even on weekends, his mornings began with immediate drinking, often leading to passing out by late morning and then resuming consumption in the afternoon. Despite this extreme pattern, he rationalized his behavior by pointing to his ability to maintain a job and avoid calling in sick. The perceived normalcy of his weekday drinking, which he believed “was only to help me sleep,” further masked the severity of his addiction. This deep dive into the inner workings of his addiction underscores the deceptive nature of the disease, where rationalization and secrecy become powerful tools for self-preservation, even as the addiction consumes one’s life.

4. The Transformative Power of Rehab: A Safe Haven for Vulnerability

Despite his initial apprehension, Aaron’s decision to enter rehab after his cousin’s death proved to be a pivotal turning point in his recovery. Within days of making the call to his sister, he was “flying out to California to go to rehab.” What he found there was a stark contrast to any preconceived notions he might have held about such facilities. Instead of a punitive or isolating environment, rehab became a “safe bubble” where vulnerability was not just accepted but encouraged.

“I didn’t know what rehab was going to be like,” Aaron explains, “And so when I went to rehab, it was just completely eye-opening that people were talking about their problems and that it was okay to be vulnerable and it was okay to share your story.” This revelation—the power of shared experience—was deeply impactful. As he listened to others’ stories, he found himself recognizing his own struggles reflected in their narratives, prompting the realization, “I need to be here.”

Rehab also served as his introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Initially shy and unfamiliar with the program, he quickly embraced the principles of honesty and openness. The environment fostered a sense of belonging and understanding that had been sorely missing in his isolated existence. It was in this space that he learned fundamental truths that continue to guide his recovery: “That it’s okay to talk about being an alcoholic. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to cry.” This profound shift from hiding his shame to embracing his truth was a cornerstone of his healing process, laying the groundwork for a life of authenticity and sobriety.

5. Building a Robust Recovery Toolbox: Strategies for Long-Term Sobriety and Mental Wellness

Recovery, as Aaron’s experience demonstrates, is an ongoing process that requires a multifaceted approach. He emphasizes the importance of having a diverse “toolbox” of strategies and resources to navigate the complexities of daily life while maintaining sobriety and managing mental health. At the core of his toolkit is the community and unwavering support of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). “The community of AA and the people that are in recovery,” he states, “have saved my life.” He fondly recalls the powerful message he received in early recovery: “We will love you till you can love yourself.” This unconditional acceptance and support proved vital in a time when he struggled to believe in his own worth.

Beyond the vital role of AA meetings and his sponsor, Aaron incorporates specific practices into his daily routine to combat depression. He highlights the importance of simple yet impactful actions, such as opening his shades immediately upon waking and making his bed. These seemingly small acts represent a deliberate rejection of the darkness and stagnation that characterized his depressed state. He actively seeks sunlight and outdoor experiences, recognizing their positive impact on his mood. “I need to go outside or I need to call one of my friends,” he explains, understanding the importance of connection and breaking cycles of isolation.

Crucially, Aaron emphasizes the proactive management of his depression through medication, a step he initially resisted but now embraces as essential. He also communicates openly with his wife about his mental state, ensuring he has support to prevent spiraling into negative thought patterns. This awareness of his triggers and the implementation of preventative measures are critical for his well-term mental wellness. His dedication to “running a program” for his alcohol recovery—attending meetings, staying in touch with his sponsor, and prioritizing his family—shows a comprehensive commitment to a healthy, sober life. These combined strategies underscore the fact that sustained recovery is not a singular event but a continuous journey of self-awareness, proactive care, and reliance on a supportive network.

6. Embracing the Present: Living 24 Hours at a Time

A fundamental principle guiding Aaron’s recovery is the practice of living “24 hours at a time.” This approach, deeply ingrained in AA philosophy, shifts the focus from overwhelming projections about the future to managing the present moment. For someone who once grappled with suicidal ideation and the constant obsession of addiction, this daily focus provides a manageable framework for sustained sobriety and mental well-being. “I don’t look too far ahead,” Aaron explains. “If I hit my head on the pillow at night and I’m sober, it’s a good day.”

This philosophy allows him to appreciate the simple joys and accomplishments of each day, rather than being burdened by anxieties about the distant future. It’s about finding gratitude in the small victories: “I got to give my son a kiss goodnight. I got to give my kiss, uh, wife a kiss goodnight.” These moments, once overshadowed by the darkness of addiction and depression, now represent the profound beauty of his recovered life.

Living in the present also empowers him to actively engage with his mental health. While he acknowledges that negative thoughts will “constantly come” due to his long history with depression, he has developed a strategy to counteract them: “Once a negative thought comes, I need to say a hundred positive things.” This demanding but essential practice reinforces his commitment to self-care and mental resilience. By staying present and continually working on himself, Aaron ensures he can “show up for myself” and, by extension, for his family. This mindful approach to life stands in stark contrast to his past, where he was consumed by shame, secrecy, and the relentless pursuit of his next drink.

7. The Liberation of Openness: Breaking the Chains of Shame and Isolation

One of the most transformative aspects of Aaron’s recovery has been the ability to shed the pervasive shame that once defined his existence. For years, he hid his struggles with both depression and alcohol, creating a dual life where his outward presentation masked intense internal turmoil. He would drink lightly with friends, only to return home and “always had a bottle at home” to satiate his anxiety and addiction. This constant deception was a heavy burden, fueled by embarrassment and a reluctance to admit his problems.

The contrast between his former isolated self and his current openness is striking. In AA, he finds a space where “I can go and I can share what’s on my mind, and you leave the meeting feeling a million times lighter.” This stark difference highlights the power of shared vulnerability and the supportive community that AA provides. He expresses a profound desire for a similar space for mental health journeys, recognizing the “so beneficial” impact it would have for “so many people just to let the slightest thing off their mind.”

Now, he talks freely and comfortably about being an alcoholic and managing his depression. This newfound openness is not only liberating for him but also serves as an inspiration to others. He is no longer “ashamed anymore” and understands that his past experiences have led him to a place of gratitude and authenticity. By sharing his story, Aaron actively works to prevent others from walking “in the shoes that I did for so many years.” The act of admitting his struggles has dissolved the shame, replacing it with a sense of purpose and a desire to help others find their own path to liberation and recovery. This profound shift from secrecy to transparency is a testament to the healing power of honesty and connection.

8. The Hopeful Horizon: A Life Reimagined

Aaron’s journey culminates in a life that, just a few years prior, seemed utterly unattainable. His addiction and depression had led him to a point where he genuinely “didn’t think that I was gonna be here when I was 35 years old.” Now, at 38, he celebrates his sobriety as a rebirth, likening it to “turned three years old.” This metaphor encapsulates the profound transformation he has undergone, a complete recalibration of his existence.

He reflects on the tangible blessings that have entered his life since embracing recovery: a wife, a two-and-a-half-year-old son, and a rekindled relationship with his family. During the depths of his addiction, he constantly “lied to ’em” and kept his distance, driven by a misguided desire to protect them from his self-destructive behavior. “I wanted to keep my distance because I didn’t wanna hurt him,” he recalls. Now, trust has been rebuilt, and he can confidently say he will “show up and they know that I’m gonna be there and I’m not lying about anything.” This honesty and reliability are gifts not only to his loved ones but also to himself, allowing him to “just live an honest life where it’s just not constant. Did I do this or did I do that?”

The internal shift is equally profound. While he continues to work on his depression in therapy, the “obsession of alcohol has been lifted,” allowing him to dedicate his energy to mental well-being. He recognizes that his negative thoughts are a battle he will face lifelong, but he now possesses the tools and the will to confront them. His gratitude for his current life is palpable, a stark contrast to the despair he once felt. Aaron’s story is a powerful reminder that even from the darkest depths, a life rich with purpose, love, and authenticity is not only possible but within reach for those willing to take the courageous step towards help.

Navigating Trauma: Jonas’s 7 Ways Treatment Can Transform Your Life

Life can throw unexpected curveballs, leaving us feeling lost, overwhelmed, and disconnected. For many, navigating the aftermath of trauma can feel like an insurmountable challenge, impacting not only their own well-being but also the lives of those around them. Yet, as one individual’s journey illustrates, seeking help can provide a pathway to profound transformation, even when circumstances remain largely the same.

1. Recognizing the Need for Help: The Unseen Struggle

Often, the individuals most in need of support are the last to recognize the depth of their struggle. This was certainly the case for Jonas, who found himself in a chaotic and dark period of his life, grappling with an abusive relationship and the heartbreaking loss of contact with his children. Despite his internal turmoil, it was his sister who ultimately identified the severity of his situation and recommended trauma treatment at InHarmoni Rehab. As Jonas recounts, “I didn’t really understand in what kind of position I was in. Before she told me I needed to go, of course I realized that I was using sleeping pills in order to sleep, and things were going not in the right direction. I could see the signs, but I could not understand it myself.”

This sentiment underscores a critical aspect of mental health: self-awareness can be a significant barrier when deeply entrenched in emotional pain. External perspectives from loved ones can be invaluable in these moments, offering a lifeline when an individual is unable to objectively assess their own needs. The signs—such as relying on substances like sleeping pills to cope—were present, yet the emotional toll prevented Jonas from fully grasping the extent of his struggles. This often happens because trauma can impair our ability to regulate emotions and make sound judgments, leading to a distorted view of reality and a reluctance to seek help.

2. Overcoming Skepticism: A Leap of Faith Towards Healing

The decision to enter treatment is rarely an easy one, often accompanied by a healthy dose of skepticism and apprehension. Jonas admits, “My expectations going into treatment was quite on the skeptical side. I didn’t think I could do much about changing my behavior and my mood because of the state and my life situation. So I would say that I was quite skeptical.” This initial doubt is a common hurdle for many seeking help for trauma. The weight of past experiences and the belief that one’s situation is unchangeable can create a powerful barrier to embracing the possibility of recovery.

However, moving past this skepticism is often the first and most crucial step towards healing. It requires a willingness to suspend disbelief and take a leap of faith, even when the path ahead seems uncertain. This initial acceptance, even if hesitant, opens the door to new perspectives and strategies for coping. For those contemplating treatment, it’s important to acknowledge these fears and recognize that they are a normal part of the process. Trusting in the therapeutic process, even when doubts linger, can unlock profound personal growth.

Explore trauma treatment options.

3. The Ripple Effect of Healing: A New Perspective on Connection

One of the most profound realizations Jonas experienced in rehab was the interconnectedness of his well-being with those around him. He discovered that his emotional state and behaviors had a significant impact on his friends, family, and ultimately, his children, even in their absence. “Well, I would say that rehab gave me a brand new perspective on life. I realized that it’s not only me that matters because the way I feel and behave affects everybody around me. And if I don’t feel well, My friends, my family, and everybody will be affected.”

This shift in perspective is a cornerstone of trauma recovery. It moves beyond individual suffering to encompass the broader relational context. When individuals heal from trauma, the positive effects radiate outwards, improving the quality of their relationships and creating a more positive environment for everyone involved. This understanding also empowered Jonas to maintain his strength for his children, recognizing that even without direct contact, his improved well-being could indirectly impact them. This concept aligns with attachment theory, which posits that our emotional well-being and relational patterns are deeply intertwined. A research article in Psychological Science in the Public Interest highlights the lasting impact of early attachment experiences on adult relationships and mental health, underscoring the importance of healing individual trauma for the benefit of broader relational systems.

4. Embracing Practical Skills: Tools for Lasting Change

Beyond theoretical insights, trauma treatment provides invaluable practical skills that empower individuals to navigate daily challenges and foster lasting change. For Jonas, two key practices stood out: morning meditation and a conscious effort to change his communication patterns. He notes, “And of course there was a lot of practical skills that I’m using every morning, especially the meditation and especially the way I communicate. I’m trying to change my communication patterns because I realized that that was one of the reasons why I ended up in the situation I was in.”

Meditation offers a powerful tool for mindfulness, allowing individuals to observe their thoughts and feelings without judgment and cultivate a sense of calm amidst chaos. It can help regulate the nervous system, which is often dysregulated in individuals with trauma.

Communication skills are equally crucial, especially for those whose past trauma may have impacted their ability to express themselves effectively or set healthy boundaries. Learning to communicate assertively, actively listen, and understand non-verbal cues can transform relationships and prevent recurring patterns of conflict. These skills are often taught in various forms of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which are frequently used in trauma treatment.

5. Redefining “Better”: Thriving Amidst Unchanged Circumstances

Perhaps one of the most remarkable aspects of Jonas’s journey is his ability to thrive even when his external circumstances remained largely the same. He clarifies, “actually I would say that my life today is not much different. I’m not in a completely different situation. The situation is actually the same, although the way I feel in this situation is what has have changed. I can now handle the situation. I can now understand what I’m feeling, and I also understand that things will be as good as you make them.”

This powerful realization highlights that healing isn’t always about dramatically altering external circumstances, but rather about transforming one’s internal landscape. It’s about developing resilience, emotional regulation, and a proactive mindset to navigate life’s challenges. Before treatment, Jonas was “feeling worse and worse,” but now, even with similar external pressures, he’s “feeling better and better.” This shift in perspective and internal strength is a testament to the profound impact of trauma treatment. It demonstrates that true well-being stems from our ability to adapt, cope, and find inner peace regardless of external variables. This internal locus of control is a key factor in long-term recovery and resilience, as detailed by research on psychological well-being.

6. The Investment in Yourself: An Insurance for the Future

For those hesitating to seek treatment due to concerns about cost or efficacy, Jonas offers a compelling perspective: it’s an investment, an insurance for the future. He urges individuals to consider the broader implications of their well-being, emphasizing that the positive impact extends beyond themselves. “I would say that this is a really, really small investment compared to what it’s gonna cost you if you don’t make the investment. So I would see it as a, as an insurance. It’s an insurance for the future. You can change everything for the better. By taking this step, I wish you the best of luck.”

This powerful analogy underscores the long-term benefits of addressing trauma. The emotional, physical, and relational costs of untreated trauma can be immense, leading to chronic stress, strained relationships, and diminished quality of life. Investing in treatment is not just about alleviating immediate suffering; it’s about building a foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling future. It’s an investment in personal growth, improved relationships, and overall well-being. Thinking about the cost-benefit analysis of treatment can be a powerful motivator for many.

How to pay for treatment.

7. Taking the First Step: Embracing the Unknown

The journey to healing can feel daunting, filled with questions and uncertainties about the process, the environment, and the people involved. Jonas acknowledges these common fears: “maybe you are a little bit in the doubt about going, maybe you’re a little bit scared about, you know, how it’s gonna be like, maybe you’re thinking about what kind of people are you gonna meet? How is the premises gonna be? How is the food gonna be? How is, how is this gonna change me anyway? How can, how can a treatment change anything?”

His advice is simple yet profound: “I would say that the only thing you can do to find out is to take the step because you know where you’re at, you know what problems you have, and if you want to try to solve them, try to find a solution. I would say that this is a really good first step.”

This sentiment encapsulates the essence of taking control of one’s narrative. While uncertainties may linger, the potential for positive change far outweighs the fear of the unknown. Recognizing one’s current struggles and actively seeking solutions is the courageous first stride towards a brighter future. Embarking on a healing journey requires courage, self-compassion, and a willingness to embrace the transformative power of support.

Kat Sorensen’s Journey from Chaotic Addiction to Thriving Powerhouse

The path to recovery is rarely straight. For many, it’s a winding road filled with detours, unexpected turns, and moments of profound clarity. Kat Sorensen, CEO of Laguna Shores Treatment Center, founder of Chains to Change, and content creator known as SoCalKattt, embodies this journey. With nearly a decade of sobriety, Kat’s story is a powerful testament to healing with compassion, structure, and integrity, highlighting the transformative power of community in achieving lasting recovery.

Kat’s story, shared on Recoverycast with host Brittani Baynard, offers invaluable insights into the insidious nature of addiction and the profound liberation that comes with confronting it head-on. From a high-performing tech sales executive and competitive bodybuilder battling alcohol and prescription drug addiction to a beacon of hope in the recovery community, Kat’s experiences illuminate key aspects of addiction and the recovery process.

Unraveling the Roots of Early Addiction

Kat’s journey began not in a tumultuous home, but in a stable, middle-class environment with loving parents. Yet, from a young age, a profound sense of loneliness and discomfort in her own skin shadowed her. This internal struggle became the fertile ground for addiction to take root.

Her first experience with alcohol at age 12 was a revelation. While her friends sipped, Kat “gulp[ed] as fast as [she could].” The immediate effect was a powerful sense of peace and belonging. “As soon as I started to feel this, like, it was like this piece,” she recalls. “It was like, oh my god. I’ve been waiting for this for like 10 years. Like, I have needed this for like 10 years, and I started to really feel okay in my own skin.” This early experience, coupled with a fantastical first kiss, cemented alcohol’s association with ultimate relief and desire fulfillment.

This narrative highlights a critical point: addiction often stems from an attempt to self-medicate underlying emotional pain or discomfort. Even in the absence of overt trauma, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, or an inability to cope with intense emotions can drive individuals toward substances that offer temporary solace. Kat’s story underscores that a seemingly perfect upbringing doesn’t inoculate against these internal struggles.

The Chameleon Effect: Mastering High-Functioning Addiction

A hallmark of Kat’s early addiction was her ability to maintain a double life. As a varsity athlete who also frequented parties, she became adept at being a “chameleon,” seamlessly blending into different social circles and managing her substance use while excelling in other areas of her life. This early mastery of high-functioning addiction allowed her to rationalize and conceal the growing problem.

She learned to manage her alcohol consumption alongside her responsibilities as an athlete and student. This ability to appear functional, even successful, on the surface is a common characteristic of high-functioning addicts. It often delays intervention because the outward signs of struggle are not immediately apparent. Kat’s experience demonstrates how early in life, individuals can develop sophisticated coping mechanisms that, while allowing them to navigate daily life, simultaneously entrench their addictive behaviors. This period of her life underscores the deceptive nature of addiction – it can thrive in the shadows of apparent normalcy.

The Illusion of a “God-Shaped Hole” and the Reality of Untreated Addiction

In her late teens, Kat experienced a profound spiritual transformation. Attending church and embracing a new community, she found a sense of belonging and peace that initially mirrored the relief she sought from alcohol. She married young, eschewed drinking, and for a time, found solace in her faith. However, this period also revealed a critical insight into untreated addiction: it often manifests in other behaviors.

Kat stopped drinking in college but began running “insane” distances—10, 12, even 15 miles a day. This seemingly healthy activity became a new outlet for her unaddressed inner turmoil. As she aptly puts it, “I just transferred my addiction to that.” This phenomenon, known as cross-addiction or addiction transfer, is common in untreated individuals. If the underlying spiritual, emotional, or psychological issues driving the addiction are not addressed, the addictive energy will simply find a new outlet.

The Misconceptions of Alcoholism: Beyond Daily Drinking

When her first husband suggested she was an alcoholic, Kat dismissed it. Her understanding of alcoholism, like many, was narrow: “people imagine an alcoholic is somebody who drinks daily, someone who, um, gets DUIs. Someone who can’t hold a normal job, someone who can’t graduate from school, somebody who can’t be in a normal relationship.” She could go months without drinking, seemingly disproving his assertion.

This common misconception underscores the subtle and pervasive nature of the disease. Alcoholism isn’t solely defined by the frequency or quantity of consumption, but by the mental obsession and loss of control once drinking begins. Kat’s frustration with only having “one glass of wine” and the subsequent “mental gymnastics” she underwent to get more perfectly illustrate this point.

“That is the allergy of alcoholism is that one drink sets off the mental obsession,” Kat clarifies. This “allergy,” unlike a physical reaction to shellfish, manifests in the mind, making self-diagnosis crucial. Only the individual truly understands the compulsive thoughts and behaviors triggered by that first drink.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

The Progression of the Disease: From “College Thing” to Catastrophe

After a period of sobriety, Kat returned to drinking during a sales conference, rationalizing it as a way to fit in with her new corporate environment. This return, however, was not a gentle reintroduction but a re-ignition of the “allergy.”

“That thing that has been waiting for me because my disease of alcoholism is progressive. It’s fatal. It wants me dead, but it will settle for me drunk,” Kat powerfully states. This progressive nature meant that her addiction picked up precisely where it left off, quickly escalating. What began as an innocent “open bar” soon led to blackouts, infidelity, and the breakdown of her marriage. The consequences mounted, proving that once the “allergy” is triggered, it reasserts its power, often with greater intensity.

Kat’s repeated attempts to externalize the problem—blaming her job, her marriage, even her age—are characteristic of addiction. The thought of stopping drinking was never an option, even in the face of devastating consequences.

Geographical Cures and the Persistence of the Problem

In a desperate attempt to salvage her marriage and escape the spiraling consequences of her drinking, Kat quit her job and moved to a small mountain town, believing a change of scenery would solve her problems. This concept of a “geographical cure” is a common but ultimately futile strategy in addiction.

As Kat quickly discovered, “we believed that a move would change me and within like, I don’t know, maybe the first two months of being there, I’m doing cocaine with my client.” The external change failed to address the internal struggle. Addiction isn’t about location; it’s about the individual’s relationship with substances and their underlying coping mechanisms. No matter where Kat went, her untreated addiction followed, only escalating in severity, from alcohol to cocaine and eventually Molly. This illustrates that true recovery requires an internal shift, not just an external relocation.

Lowering Standards and the Deceptive Nature of Active Addiction

As Kat’s addiction progressed, her moral compass began to spin wildly out of control. Her candid admission, “lowering my standards faster than I could violate them,” perfectly captures the destructive trajectory of active addiction. The values and boundaries she once held dear eroded, replaced by a relentless pursuit of the next high.

“The things that I said I would never do, I was doing on a daily basis,” she recounts. This includes running off to Mexico with a stranger, using drugs daily at work, and even transporting illegal substances on planes. The sheer recklessness and disregard for personal safety highlight the profound cognitive distortions that occur in active addiction. The disease’s grip becomes so strong that it overrides reason, self-preservation, and personal integrity. Kat’s ability to maintain a veneer of functionality while engaging in increasingly dangerous behaviors underscores the deceptive power of addiction.

The Necessity of Confrontation and the Power of External Intervention

Even as her life spiraled, Kat’s cunning enabled her to navigate increasingly perilous situations, from driving intoxicated to transporting drugs. She believed a move to California and a fresh start would finally be the answer. Yet, even as she unloaded her belongings, the lure of old habits presented itself.

What finally broke the cycle wasn’t self-will or another geographical cure, but the intervention of someone who forced her to slow down and confront her reality. “Someone made you slow down. Yes. Someone made you slow down. Yes. And do something I didn’t want to do,” Kat admits. This external push, often from a sponsor, therapist, or loved one, is frequently a catalyst for change. It’s a moment where the addict is no longer able to outrun or rationalize their disease and is compelled to look inward. For Kat, this meant confronting the deeply ingrained patterns of self-will and beginning the rigorous process of self-inventory.

The Role of Community and Compassion in Healing

Kat’s journey through the 12-Step program and her current role in the recovery community underscore the vital role of community, compassion, and integrity in lasting recovery. When she initially sought help, her instinct was to escape her marriage. But her sponsor, recognizing the self-will driving this decision, urged her to pause and do the hard work of inventory. This gentle yet firm guidance prevented a rash decision and initiated a deeper healing process.

Today, Kat leads Laguna Shores Treatment Center and has founded Chains to Change, an online community dedicated to recovery. These initiatives highlight her commitment to providing the same support and structure that were instrumental in her own sobriety. Recovery is not a solitary endeavor; it thrives in environments of shared experience, mutual support, and non-judgmental guidance. The ability to connect with others who understand the struggle and to give back to the recovery community is a powerful aspect of maintaining sobriety and fostering sustained well-being.

Recovery: A Continuous Journey of Small, Consistent Steps

Kat Sorensen’s story is a powerful reminder that recovery is a dynamic, lifelong process built on small, consistent steps. From the initial “24 hours at a time” to the ongoing commitment to self-reflection and community engagement, each decision contributes to a life of sobriety and fulfillment. Her transformation from a high-functioning addict to a compassionate leader in the recovery field demonstrates that even from the darkest places, healing and transformation are possible.

Recovery.com is a valuable resource for anyone seeking mental health or addiction treatment options. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and more, making it easier to find the right support for anyone, anywhere.

How to Overcome C-PTSD: Max’s Insights to Find Healing and Hope

Mental health challenges affect countless individuals, but sharing our stories can inspire hope and provide a path to healing. In a compelling episode of the “Giving Voice to Mental Health Podcast,” Max bravely shares her journey of living with and recovering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). Her story is a testament to the human spirit’s resilience and the transformative power of therapy, self-reflection, and healthy relationships.

Understanding Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD)

While many are familiar with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), C-PTSD presents a unique set of challenges that stem from prolonged and repeated exposure to trauma, often during childhood. Max describes C-PTSD as “your regular PTSD and then you add a little bit of extra seasonings in.” These “seasonings” include deeply ingrained issues like a distorted sense of self, an altered perception of the world and others, and a pervasive sense of dread. Unlike single-incident trauma, the prolonged nature of C-PTSD means that the traumatic experiences often become a child’s “reality,” making it incredibly difficult to recognize the abnormality of their situation.

Max highlights several common symptoms of C-PTSD, including:

  • Negative self-perception: A deep-seated belief of being unlovable or unworthy.
  • Relationship difficulties: Struggling to form healthy connections and trust others.
  • Hypervigilance: A constant state of alertness and readiness for danger.
  • Dissociation: Feeling disconnected from one’s thoughts, feelings, or body.
  • Cognitive disorders: Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.
  • Loss of meaning and purpose: A pervasive sense of emptiness or hopelessness.

“It’s very deep rooted, the complex trauma,” Max emphasizes, underscoring how these experiences shape an individual’s entire being and worldview. The feeling of helplessness experienced during the trauma often persists, even long after the individual is no longer in the traumatic environment.

The Profound Impact of Childhood Trauma and Unsafe Environments

Max’s narrative powerfully illustrates how childhood trauma, particularly within the home, can shatter a child’s sense of safety and self-worth. She bravely reveals the physical and emotional abuse inflicted by her older brother, and the heartbreaking lack of protection from her mother and stepfather. Her mother’s repeated refusal to intervene, stating, “I would never abandon my babies,” while simultaneously abandoning Max by not protecting her, created a deeply confusing and damaging dynamic.

The insidious nature of this trauma was further exacerbated by a lack of accountability from her family. Max recounts her desperate pleas to be heard, only to be met with superficial mending and a continuation of the cycle of abuse. This experience led to a profound feeling of being unheard and unsafe within her own home. As she painfully recounts, “I had to scream to be heard, but even if I was heard, things didn’t really change.”

The psychological toll of living in a constant state of fear and vulnerability, where the “bully” is “in your house,” is immense. Max describes this period as “mind messing with,” where every return home brought her back to an unsafe and unprotected space. The lack of intervention normalized the abuse, leading to a cognitive dissonance where she believed, “They’re telling me that they love me, even if they’re treating me this way. So this is how people who love you treat you.” This warped perception of love and relationships is a direct consequence of prolonged childhood trauma and can have lasting effects on an individual’s ability to form healthy attachments later in life.

Explore trauma treatment options.

The Weight of Unresolved Trauma: Carrying the Past Forward

Even decades later, the echoes of Max’s childhood trauma continued to resonate within her. She identifies a persistent “feeling of needing to perform” as a direct carryover from her upbringing, where “the only way that I was acceptable in my home was when I performed and when I met a certain standard, of honestly, perfection.” This ingrained need for perfection can lead to intense self-criticism and a constant feeling of inadequacy, even when achieving significant accomplishments.

At the core of these lingering effects is the pervasive belief, “I’m unlovable.” This deeply painful sentiment underscores the profound impact of her early experiences on her self-worth. “There’s nothing more that I’ve wanted in my life than to feel loved and understood because I just didn’t for a long time,” Max shares, highlighting the yearning for the very emotional needs that were denied to her as a child. This feeling of being unlovable, coupled with the expectation to manage others’ emotions, created an internal conflict.

The inability of her parents to acknowledge their role in her trauma further compounded Max’s pain. Her stepfather’s inability to grasp the depth of her fear, even after blunt explanations in her twenties, (“What do you mean you didn’t know I felt safe?”), exemplifies the gaslighting and emotional invalidation that was a hallmark of her upbringing. This lack of empathy and accountability from those who should have protected her left deep wounds.

The Path to Healing: Embracing Therapy and DBT

Max’s journey to recovery began over a decade ago with traditional talk therapy, but she quickly realized its limitations. “It kind of just felt like a bandaid where it’s like, okay, like I was able to process this thing. But I never really addressed like the core issues.” This realization led her to seek out more specialized and effective treatments, eventually connecting with her current therapist, Lisa.

Lisa introduced Max to a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Prolonged Exposure Program, a multi-phase approach that proved to be “life-changing.” The first phase involved group therapy, where Max learned crucial DBT skills:

  • Interpersonal effectiveness: Strategies for navigating relationships and communicating needs effectively.
  • Distress tolerance: Techniques for coping with difficult emotions and challenging situations without resorting to destructive behaviors.
  • Emotional regulation: Skills for understanding, managing, and responding to emotions in a healthy way.

These skills empowered Max to “fight back a lot of the thoughts” that had long controlled her. While the thoughts still exist, she now possesses the tools to challenge them and prevent them from overwhelming her. This shift from passive acceptance to active engagement with her internal landscape was a pivotal moment in her recovery.

Confronting the “Shadow Realm”: Prolonged Exposure Therapy

Following the group therapy phase, Max entered what she aptly calls the “shadow realm” – the prolonged exposure component of her treatment. This intensive phase involved reliving traumatic memories and engaging in “in vivos,” which are real-life exposures designed to challenge avoidance behaviors and desensitize her to triggers. This process, while challenging, was crucial for directly addressing the deeply rooted trauma responses.

A key aspect of this phase was learning to communicate her needs effectively and setting healthy boundaries. “Communicating that I was really bothered by something and I need to see actual change versus just being like, okay, well I talked about it. I hope that it gets better,” was a significant step forward. This marked a departure from the cycle of superficial mending and enabled her to demand genuine accountability in her relationships.

The successful completion of prolonged exposure therapy led to a monumental achievement for Max: her C-PTSD went into remission. This remarkable progress highlights the effectiveness of evidence-based therapies in addressing complex trauma.

Living with Scars, Not Wounds: The Ongoing Journey of Healing

Max describes her post-remission phase as “the next phase of the DBT program where it’s mostly using what we call like the free skill.” This involves incorporating “random acts of exposure” and “embracing our emotions,” ultimately striving to live a life where struggles may still arise, but they no longer control her.

Her powerful metaphor of a “haunted house” illustrates her previous state of being, controlled by the “ghosts” of her past. Healing, she realized, wasn’t about exorcising these ghosts entirely, but rather about acquiring the “tools to fight back the ghosts.” With her “Ghostbusters like plasma beam” and “crucifix holy water,” Max now possesses the agency to navigate her internal landscape and manage her triggers effectively. The scars of her past remain, but they are no longer open wounds that dictate her life. This ongoing process of managing symptoms and embracing emotional experiences is a cornerstone of long-term recovery.

The Power of Being Seen and Heard: Validation and Connection

For someone who was gaslit and silenced for so long, the act of being seen and heard has been profoundly healing for Max. “It’s healing to talk about it because I was gaslit so much into thinking like, well, you are the problem. Well, if you didn’t push his buttons, if you didn’t do this, or if you were better than you wouldn’t have these things happening to you.” The validation she receives from others who acknowledge the injustice of her past experiences (“that is not okay. That was wild”) is a powerful antidote to years of self-blame.

Surrounding herself with supportive and understanding individuals has been critical. Her “platonic soulmate” in college taught her about unconditional love, a concept previously alien to her. This experience, coupled with her current healthy relationships, has allowed her to practice vulnerability and express her needs without fear. She shares a seemingly “silly” yet deeply impactful example of hiding phone games from her boyfriend due to past ridicule. The ability to be vulnerable and have her interests accepted, even something as small as a phone game, signifies a profound shift in her sense of safety and self-acceptance.

Unlearning and Reclaiming Self: Embracing Authenticity

Max’s outward presentation—her chosen attire, hair, and name—is a powerful reflection of her inner healing and the process of “unlearning” the societal and familial expectations placed upon her. “Me looking this cool, my 12-year-old self would be like bouncing off the walls,” she joyfully exclaims. This reclaiming of her authentic self, a self that was suppressed and judged in her youth, is a source of immense pride and healing.

While acknowledging that “masking” is sometimes necessary to navigate the world, Max emphasizes that her newfound confidence and hope empower her to be herself more fully. This journey of self-discovery and acceptance is an ongoing process, but one that brings her profound joy and a sense of liberation. The ability to present as her true self is a direct result of the inner work she has undertaken to heal from trauma and shed the burden of others’ judgments.

Finding Hope and Joy: A Message to Those Still Struggling

Max’s message to those closer to where she was than where she is now is one of unwavering hope. She acknowledges the immense difficulty of introspection and connecting the dots between past experiences and present struggles. However, she firmly believes that “it sucks way more to stay there.” The pain of remaining stagnant far outweighs the discomfort of confronting and working through trauma.

Her personal experience of wanting to give up, but realizing that her desire wasn’t to quit, but to alleviate pain, is a profound insight. While the pain may not entirely disappear, it becomes manageable and less controlling. What once took months to overcome now takes weeks, demonstrating the tangible progress possible through consistent effort and support.

Max’s decision to go no contact with her parents, though difficult, brought her an unprecedented sense of peace. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that you’re at peace with anything related to your family,” her therapist observed. This underscores the power of setting healthy boundaries, even when it involves significant personal sacrifice. Making “hard choices, doing hard things” may feel agonizing in the moment, but the ultimate reward is a life where “you feel a lot better and you can navigate it a lot better even if you stumble, even if there’s some lows, there is a higher, better place.”

Max’s story is a powerful reminder that while trauma leaves scars, these scars can serve as testaments to resilience and a healed spirit. Her journey from feeling like a “haunted house” to becoming a “Ghostbuster” of her own mind offers invaluable lessons and inspiration for anyone navigating the complexities of C-PTSD and seeking a path toward a life of hope, joy, and authenticity.

The Path to Peace: Asia’s 5+ Steps to Embracing Your Mental Health Recovery Journey

Life can be chaotic. We may find ourselves entangled in a web of emotional dysregulation, strained relationships, and internal battles. For many, this tumultuous existence feels like an inescapable cycle, leaving them questioning if genuine happiness is even possible.

However, as Asia, a woman in recovery from mental health challenges, depression, anxiety, food addiction, and domestic violence PTSD, powerfully articulates, “My life before I started my recovery journey was extremely chaotic. I had problems with just about every family member of mine. I had problems in my relationship. I was emotionally dysregulated. Life was not fun, and I had realized that something had to give and something had to change. And I guess that something had to be me.” Her journey from chaos to clarity offers a beacon of hope, demonstrating that a commitment to self-discovery and intentional action can pave the way for a more peaceful and purposeful life.

1. The Power of Educating Yourself: Illuminating Your Inner Landscape

The initial spark for change often ignites with a moment of stark realization. For Asia, this moment arrived when her personal struggles began to impact her professional life. “When I realized like I’m losing control, I might lose my job based on my lack of being able to deal with the things that I have going on in a healthy way,” she recalls. This turning point propelled her toward self-education, a foundational step that laid the groundwork for her entire recovery. She discovered Emotional Chaos and Clarity by Phillip Moffitt, a book that profoundly resonated with her experiences. “It was nothing but emotional chaos and I wanted clarity,” she explains. This act of seeking knowledge allowed her to identify and understand the intricate patterns of her emotional life, providing a roadmap for change.

Self-education in recovery goes beyond simply reading a single book. It involves actively seeking out information, resources, and perspectives that shed light on your specific challenges. This could include:

  • Reading books and articles: Explore topics related to your mental health conditions, trauma, addiction, and emotional regulation. Look for reputable sources, including academic texts, self-help guides by qualified professionals, and memoirs of individuals who have successfully navigated similar journeys.
  • Listening to podcasts and webinars: Engage with content that offers expert insights, personal stories, and practical strategies for managing your symptoms and fostering well-being.
  • Attending workshops and seminars: Participate in educational programs that provide structured learning environments and opportunities to connect with others who share similar experiences.
  • Journaling and self-reflection: Regularly documenting your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help you identify triggers, patterns, and areas for growth. This introspective practice complements external learning by fostering a deeper understanding of your internal landscape.

By investing in self-education, you equip yourself with the knowledge and vocabulary to articulate your experiences, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and develop a more informed approach to your recovery. It empowers you to become an active participant in your healing process, rather than a passive recipient of circumstances.

2. Navigating the Therapeutic Journey: Persistence Pays Off

While self-education provides a crucial foundation, professional guidance often proves indispensable on the path to recovery. However, as Asia’s experience highlights, finding the right therapeutic fit can be a challenging, multi-step process. “I sought out therapy and the first time felt good, but I only went once. And then years later, more things were happening to me and I found another one virtually, and I went for a while, but I didn’t really feel the most comfortable with that person. And I think that’s why people give up on recovery… My third time didn’t even work out because I felt connected, but I didn’t feel like I was getting questioned enough to get to the root of what would help me change my mind about my issues.” This candid admission underscores a common hurdle in recovery: the temptation to abandon the process when initial attempts don’t yield immediate results.

Asia’s persistence ultimately led her to a fourth therapist who proved to be a transformative force. “Now I’m on my fourth therapist and she has been one of the best things ever on my journey of mental recovery, of defeat and depression, anxiety, food addiction and PTSD from domestic violence. She connects with me. She understands me. She digs deeper. She asks me questions that forces me to really connect with how I’m feeling and figure out, you know, how to stand on my boundaries, how to be a stronger person, how to be more resilient.” This powerful endorsement emphasizes the importance of a therapist who not only provides a safe space for expression but also actively challenges and guides you toward deeper understanding and actionable change.

When seeking therapy, consider the following:

  • Be patient and persistent: It’s rare to find the perfect therapist on the first try. Don’t be discouraged if you need to try a few different professionals before finding someone who aligns with your needs and goals.
  • Communicate your needs: Be open and honest with potential therapists about what you’re looking for, your concerns, and your preferred therapeutic approach.
  • Prioritize connection and trust: A strong therapeutic alliance built on trust and mutual respect is crucial for effective treatment.
  • Look for a therapist who challenges you: While support is important, a good therapist will also gently push you to confront uncomfortable truths, explore underlying issues, and develop new coping mechanisms. They should ask insightful questions that encourage self-reflection and deeper understanding.
  • Consider different modalities: Various therapeutic approaches exist, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) for trauma, and psychodynamic therapy. Researching these options and discussing them with potential therapists can help you find a suitable fit.

The commitment to finding the right therapeutic support, even when the path is winding, is an investment in your long-term well-being and a testament to your dedication to recovery.

3. Recovery is a Marathon, Not a Sprint: Embracing the Ongoing Journey

A fundamental truth of recovery, as Asia eloquently states, is that “recovery is a marathon and not a sprint. Recovery is an ongoing thing. There is no finish line to recovery because we’ve been through absolutely so much in life is so much to recover from that. It’s an everyday ongoing process of just healing those wounds.” This perspective shifts the focus from a finite destination to a continuous process of growth, healing, and self-discovery.

Embracing recovery as an ongoing journey means understanding that:

  • Setbacks are a normal part of the process: There will be days when you feel overwhelmed, experience old patterns resurfacing, or face new challenges. These are not failures but opportunities for further learning and refinement of your coping strategies.
  • Self-compassion is paramount: Be kind to yourself during difficult moments. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, even when things feel challenging.
  • Consistency is key: Regular engagement with your recovery practices, whether it’s attending therapy, practicing mindfulness, or utilizing coping skills, builds resilience over time. Asia’s commitment to weekly therapy sessions, even when she initially felt she didn’t need them, highlights the importance of consistent effort. “I know I need her every week because recovery is ongoing. I think I can handle things that sometimes I’m more overwhelming than I thought.”
  • Growth is layered: Asia beautifully describes recovery as peeling back the layers of an onion: “I’m proud and excited to be able to continue to pull back layers of myself, which I call an onion, because maybe sometimes it stinks, but you know, we still use it to spice up that food. It makes you who you are, it makes the dish what it is, and we need it, and we need to keep pulling back more and more to discover what is it gonna take for us to live our most healthy lives?” This metaphor encapsulates the idea that healing is not linear; it involves continually uncovering and addressing deeper wounds and unconscious patterns.
  • Adaptability is essential: As you progress, your needs and goals may evolve. Be open to adjusting your recovery strategies and seeking new forms of support as required.

Understanding recovery as a lifelong commitment liberates you from the pressure of perfection and allows you to appreciate the continuous unfolding of your personal growth.

4. Life Transformed: The Fruits of Intentional Recovery

The rewards of embarking on a dedicated recovery journey are profound and far-reaching. Asia’s transformation is a testament to this, as she describes a life now characterized by greater peace and purpose. “My life now compared to before I started my recovery journey is a lot more peaceful. I believe that I can handle difficulty in a way that will not destroy me.” While acknowledging that life isn’t perfect and challenges still arise, she emphasizes a newfound capacity to navigate adversity without being consumed by it.

The benefits of intentional recovery often manifest in several key areas:

  • Enhanced emotional regulation: Learning to identify, understand, and manage your emotions in healthy ways reduces emotional dysregulation and reactivity.
  • Improved relationships: As you heal internally, your relationships with others often become more positive, authentic, and fulfilling. You develop stronger boundaries and communication skills.
  • Increased self-awareness and understanding: Delving into your past and present experiences helps you understand “what happened to me and how it affected me.” This self-knowledge provides clarity and empowers you to make conscious choices. Asia notes, “My life has a better sense of purpose and understanding due to how I’ve educated myself like I am this way because I went on a recovery journey to figure out what happened to me.”
  • Greater resilience: The tools and insights gained through recovery equip you to face life’s inevitable challenges with greater strength and adaptability. You learn to “fight better and always become the winner and the conqueror of any hard situation.”
  • A sense of purpose and joy: Moving beyond the constant fight with internal demons allows you to connect with your values, pursue meaningful goals, and experience genuine happiness and peace. Asia articulates this beautifully: “I know how it feels to feel amazing and at peace and go to sleep every night, grateful and thankful, and wake up the same way the next morning.”

The transformation is not about eradicating problems but about developing the capacity to respond to them with greater wisdom and strength. It’s about shifting from being defined by your struggles to being defined by your resilience and capacity for joy.

5. Self-Compassion and Intentionality: Your Daily Commitment

At the heart of a sustainable recovery journey lies the twin pillars of self-compassion and intentionality. Asia’s advice to those facing similar challenges is direct and compassionate: “My advice would be to dive deeper into yourself. Cut the distractions that you so easily create in your life, whether it be work, relationships, kids, family, family, everyone else but you. I know so many people that focus on everything and everyone else but themselves.” This powerful statement underscores the critical need to prioritize your own well-being.

Key aspects of self-compassion and intentionality include:

  • Accepting that “it’s okay to not be okay”: This is a crucial first step. Acknowledging your struggles without judgment opens the door to healing. As Asia advises, “Be okay with the fact that you’re not okay. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s human to not be able to withstand so much trauma. That’s all right. What’s not okay, is ignoring it like it’s not there. Like it didn’t happen, like it didn’t affect you.”
  • Prioritizing self-care: This involves consciously dedicating time and energy to activities that nourish your mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s about setting boundaries, engaging in stress-reducing practices, and ensuring adequate rest.
  • Daily intentionality: Recovery is not something that just happens; it’s a choice made daily. This means actively engaging in practices that support your well-being, even when it feels difficult. “I have to be aware about it every day. I have to be intentional about my recovery. I have to be intentional about my mental health,” Asia emphasizes.
  • Shifting your identity: Recovery is about recognizing that your struggles do not define you. While you may have experienced depression, anxiety, or addiction, you are not those conditions. “Your depression is not something that should be a part of your identity. Your depression should not rule over your happiness and your joy. What has to be the winner is you genuinely being okay with yourself, with your life, and doing whatever it takes to be healthy, mentally, physically, emotionally,” Asia powerfully states. This reframe allows you to step into a more empowered and authentic version of yourself.
  • Don’t delay seeking help: For those on the fence about getting help, Asia’s message is clear: “Get off the fence because this is your life and we don’t have a lot of time. Every single day is so precious that I truly believe that every human being deserves to genuinely be happy, genuinely not have to be fighting demons daily.”

Ultimately, the journey of recovery is a profound act of self-love and courage. It demands honesty, perseverance, and a willingness to confront discomfort. However, the peace, purpose, and joy that await on the other side are immeasurable. By embracing self-education, pursuing consistent therapeutic support, understanding recovery as an ongoing process, and committing to daily self-compassion and intentionality, you too can unmask your path to lasting peace and well-being.

A Brighter Tomorrow, Today

Asia’s recovery journey is a powerful testament to the human capacity for healing and transformation. Her story underscores that while life may present immense challenges, it is within our power to cultivate a life of purpose, peace, and genuine happiness. By taking the courageous steps of self-education, seeking appropriate professional help, embracing the ongoing nature of recovery, and committing to daily self-compassion and intentionality, anyone can embark on their own path toward a brighter tomorrow. Remember, your journey is unique, but the promise of a more fulfilling life is a universal truth worth fighting for.

The Body Keeps The Score Summary: 8 Key Insights to Heal From Trauma

Bessel van der Kolk’s seminal work, “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma,” offers a groundbreaking perspective on the impact of trauma on individuals. This book summary delves deep into how traumatic experiences fundamentally alter the brain, mind, and body, moving beyond traditional psychiatry and opening new pathways for trauma recovery. Through extensive neuroscience research and compelling case studies, van der Kolk argues that traumatized individuals require interventions that address not just the psychological, but also the physiological effects of trauma.

The article aims to provide a comprehensive overview of the book’s core takeaways, highlighting the necessity of a holistic approach to trauma treatment for trauma survivors and emphasizing the profound connection between our mental and physical well-being. It explores how early life traumatic events can rewire the nervous system, leading to persistent challenges that manifest as various physical symptoms and emotional dysregulation.

1. Understanding Trauma’s Pervasive Reach

Trauma is not merely a psychological scar; it is a profound alteration of the entire human organism. Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes that traumatic experiences are far more common than generally acknowledged, ranging from child abuse and domestic violence to war and natural disasters.

He notes that:

  • One in five Americans was sexually molested as a child
  • One in four was beaten by a parent to the point of a mark being left on their body
  • One in three couples engages in physical violence.

These statistics underscore trauma as a pervasive public health issue.

The book argues that while humans are incredibly resilient, traumatic events leave indelible traces on our minds, emotions, biology, and even our immune systems.

This broad understanding of trauma extends beyond the immediate psychological distress, illustrating how it impacts an individual’s capacity for joy, intimacy, and overall well-being. The author asserts that the struggle and resilience of his patients are deeply moving, demonstrating the human capacity to endure and seek healing.

2. The Brain’s Altered Landscape in Trauma

One of the most profound contributions of The Body Keeps the Score is its detailed exploration of how traumatic experiences literally rewire the brain. Advances in neuroscience, particularly brain imaging, have provided irrefutable evidence of these physiological changes. The book explains that trauma compromises the brain areas responsible for basic self-awareness and the accurate filtering of information.

The brain’s alarm system, primarily centered in the amygdala, becomes recalibrated in traumatized people. This leads to a state of being hypervigilant to threat, even when no actual danger is present.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and executive function, can go “offline” during traumatic flashbacks, impairing the ability to think logically and put feelings into words. This neurobiological shift explains why trauma survivors often struggle with learning from experience and repeatedly face similar problems.

3. How the Body Keeps the Score: A Physical Imprint

The core premise of Bessel van der Kolk’s work is that trauma is “encoded in the viscera,” meaning it profoundly affects our bodily sensations and physical reality. The autonomic nervous system (ANS), comprising the sympathetic (accelerator) and parasympathetic (brake) branches, becomes dysregulated.

This leads to persistent physical symptoms such as chronic pain, fibromyalgia, and even heart disease, as the body remains in a perpetual state of defense.

A crucial concept is interoception, the ability to feel and interpret internal bodily sensations. Traumatized individuals often lose this connection, leading to alexithymia—the inability to put feelings into words. They may experience physical discomfort without understanding its emotional root, or become so adept at numbing themselves that they lose touch with pleasure as well as pain.

The book vividly illustrates how these deeply ingrained physiological responses are outside conscious control, emphasizing that “the act of telling the story doesn’t necessarily alter the automatic physical and hormonal responses of bodies that remain hypervigilant, prepared to be assaulted or violated at any time.”

4. Childhood Trauma: The Hidden Epidemic

Childhood trauma, including neglect, sexual abuse, and domestic violence, is presented as a hidden epidemic with devastating long-term consequences. Van der Kolk highlights findings from the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study, which revealed a strong correlation between early adverse experiences and a multitude of adult physical and mental health problems, including chronic depression, alcoholism, substance abuse, and even heart disease and cancer. The study showed that “for every soldier who serves in a war zone abroad, there are ten children who are endangered in their own homes.”

The development of secure attachment in early childhood is crucial for a child’s sense of self and capacity for self-regulation. When caregivers are a source of terror or neglect, children often develop disorganized attachment patterns.

These patterns, characterized by a fundamental lack of safety and trust, lead to pervasive dysregulation in emotional brain functions, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships, regulate their arousal, and maintain focus. Such traumatized children often struggle to distinguish between safety and danger, leading to repeated cycles of revictimization.

5. The Unbearable Weight of Traumatic Memories and Re-enactment

Traumatic memories differ significantly from ordinary memories. Instead of being organized as a coherent narrative, they are often fragmented, stored as isolated sensory imprints: images, sounds, physical sensations, and overwhelming emotions.

This fragmentation is linked to the deactivation of Broca’s area (the speech center) and the frontal lobes during overwhelming events. This means trauma survivors often experience flashbacks where they literally re-live the event as if it were happening in the present, complete with physiological arousal and the original emotions.

The book delves into the concept of dissociation, where parts of the overwhelming experience are split off from conscious awareness. This can manifest as depersonalization (feeling detached from oneself) or derealization (feeling that reality is unreal).

This “speechless horror” makes it incredibly difficult for traumatized people to articulate their experiences, leading to a “cover story” that fails to capture the inner truth. The “compulsion to repeat” trauma, where individuals unwittingly re-enact aspects of their past in current relationships or behaviors, is also explored as a desperate, often unconscious, attempt to gain control over unbearable feelings.

6. Embracing Holistic Paths to Recovery: Mind-Body Connection

A central theme of The Body Keeps the Score is the necessity of a holistic approach to trauma treatment. Van der Kolk argues that traditional talk therapy alone is often insufficient, as the rational brain cannot simply “talk” the emotional brain out of its deeply ingrained responses. True healing of trauma requires engaging the entire organism—body, mind, and brain—through both “top-down” and “bottom-up” approaches.

  • Top-down processing involves strengthening the prefrontal cortex’s capacity to understand and make sense of internal experiences, fostering self-awareness and cognitive control.
  • Bottom-up processing focuses on recalibrating the autonomic nervous system by directly addressing bodily sensations and physiological arousal. This involves practices that help the body learn that the danger has passed and that it is safe to relax.

The goal is to restore the proper balance between the rational and emotional brains, enabling trauma survivors to regain self-leadership and feel in charge of their responses and lives.

7. Innovative Therapeutic Interventions for Trauma

The book explores a diverse array of interventions that target the various ways trauma is held in the body and mind:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR is presented as a powerful method for processing traumatic memories. It involves bilateral stimulation (often eye movements) while the client focuses on distressing memories. The theory suggests this process mimics the memory reprocessing that occurs during REM sleep, allowing traumatic memories to be integrated into a coherent narrative rather than remaining fragmented and overwhelming. Clinical studies, including van der Kolk’s own, showed EMDR to be highly effective, often leading to significant symptom reduction and long-term improvements in trauma survivors, even outperforming certain medications like Prozac.

Yoga and Mindfulness

Yoga is highlighted as a potent tool for trauma recovery by helping traumatized people to safely inhabit their bodies. Through conscious breathing (pranayama) and postures (asanas), yoga cultivates self-awareness and directly impacts the nervous system, improving heart rate variability (HRV) and regulating arousal.

Mindfulness, a core component of yoga, teaches individuals to observe their physical sensations and emotions without judgment, fostering emotional regulation and increasing the “window of tolerance” for difficult feelings. This bottom-up approach helps to counter the numbing and hyperarousal often experienced by trauma survivors.

Neurofeedback: Rewiring the Brain

Neurofeedback is introduced as a cutting-edge trauma treatment that directly addresses dysregulated brain waves. By providing real-time feedback on brain activity, individuals can learn to rewire their brains, promoting more coherent patterns of electrical communication.

This can stabilize the brain’s alarm system, improve focus and attention, and reduce chronic hyperarousal. Neurofeedback offers a promising avenue for traumatized children and adults to overcome issues like concentration problems, emotional instability, and dissociation, by literally changing the brain’s functioning.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

IFS offers a compassionate framework for understanding the “parts” of oneself that develop in response to traumatic experiences. This model posits that the mind is a complex system, like a family, with different parts (e.g., exiled, managerial, firefighting) that adopt extreme roles to protect the individual from pain.

IFS therapy aims to help trauma survivors access their undamaged “Self” (a core of compassion, curiosity, and calm) to heal wounded parts and integrate the fragmented self. This approach helps reduce internal conflict and enables individuals to regain self-leadership.

Psychomotor Therapy and Communal Rhythms

Psychomotor therapy and other body-based approaches, like somatic experiencing, help individuals reconnect with bodily sensations and complete thwarted self-protective actions. Through structured exercises and role-playing, participants can re-experience past traumatic events in a safe, contained environment, leading to a visceral sense of agency.

The book also emphasizes the healing of trauma through communal rhythms and shared experiences, such as theater, singing, and dancing. These collective activities foster muscular bonding, promote synchrony, and help restore a sense of belonging and safety among trauma survivors, combating the isolation that often accompanies profound hurt.

8. Societal Implications and the Path Forward

The Body Keeps the Score concludes by calling for a shift towards a trauma-conscious society. Bessel van der Kolk argues that trauma is “arguably the greatest threat to our national well-being,” with costs exceeding those of cancer or heart disease.

He criticizes the current health care system for often focusing on symptom management with drugs rather than addressing underlying causes and fostering self-regulation and genuine connection.

The book advocates for widespread prevention efforts, particularly for traumatized children, through early interventions, quality childcare, and trauma-informed schools. It stresses that understanding of trauma must move beyond individual pathology to acknowledge the “undeniable social causation” of many problems.

Ultimately, trauma recovery is about restoring the capacity for playfulness, curiosity, and meaningful relationships, recognizing that humans are fundamentally social creatures wired for cooperation and connection. True healing means rebuilding lives where individuals can feel safe, belong, and actively shape their own futures.

Gabbie Egan’s Journey Through Bipolar Disorder and Alcohol and Marijuana Addiction Recovery

Gabbie Egan’s story is a powerful and candid exploration of the interconnectedness of mental health and substance use. Her journey, marked by early exposure to drugs and alcohol, a teenage pregnancy, and an eventual diagnosis of bipolar I disorder, offers a deeply personal insight into the complexities of recovery. Gabbie’s unflinching honesty about her struggles and triumphs serves as a beacon of hope, demonstrating that even through multiple setbacks, sustained effort can lead to profound healing and self-acceptance.

The Early Seeds of Struggle: Childhood and Adolescent Experiences

Gabbie’s introduction to substance use began at a remarkably young age, rooted in a combination of environmental factors and personal vulnerabilities. Growing up in a part of North Carolina with limited recreational outlets, drug and alcohol use became a prevalent coping mechanism among her peers. “I’m from a part of North Carolina where it’s like there’s nothing to do,” Gabbie recounts, “And so the only thing that people are really doing to keep themselves occupied is like getting messed up.”

Her home environment, while loving, also contributed to a sense of unmonitored freedom. With parents deeply engrossed in their careers, Gabbie, an only child, was often left to her “own devices.” This lack of direct parental supervision, combined with a pre-existing sadness, created fertile ground for experimentation. She began with cough medicine in sixth grade, quickly escalating to marijuana and prescription pills like Vicodin by the age of 11 or 12. This early exposure to various substances at such a formative age significantly shaped her developing brain and laid the groundwork for future struggles.

Beyond the external influences, Gabbie also grappled with internal battles. She describes herself as “a very sad kid” who experienced bullying and felt she never truly fit in. Her expulsion from Christian school in sixth grade after piercing her belly button further isolated her and plunged her into an environment where she was “in a pretty low place ever since I was a child.” Her mother, a loving but misguided figure, dismissed her emotional struggles, attributing them to a lack of gratitude or a “made-up” mental illness. This invalidation of her feelings compounded Gabbie’s internal turmoil and prevented her from seeking the help she desperately needed. As Gabbie poignantly shares, “My mom doesn’t believe in mental illness. And so that’s tough because then, yeah.”

The Unveiling of Bipolar Disorder: A Diagnosis and a Family Legacy

The first hint of Gabbie’s underlying mental health condition emerged at 16, following a severe alcohol-related incident. After blacking out and requiring a stomach pump, she was court-ordered to see a mental health specialist. It was during this session that a therapist suggested she might have bipolar I disorder. The therapist explained that bipolar I is characterized by “high highs of extreme mania and then extremely low lows that last and extended like a certain amount of time.” This explanation deeply resonated with Gabbie, as it accurately described her volatile emotional landscape. “I’m either extremely low, like, you know, on the verge of like wanting to literally end my life or, um, you know, extremely high thinking, I am Jesus, you know?” she candidly admits.

Despite this crucial insight, her mother’s continued denial of mental illness led Gabbie to dismiss the diagnosis at the time. “My mom’s like, this is just how they get you in the system. They’re trying to medicate you,” Gabbie recalls. This dismissal, coupled with a lack of proper follow-up, meant that Gabbie continued to navigate her life unmedicated and without professional support for her burgeoning mental health challenges.

Years later, a more definitive diagnosis of bipolar I disorder would come after another significant incident in Las Vegas. During what she believes was a manic episode, Gabbie experienced a blackout and woke up in jail in a straightjacket, unable to recall the events that led her there. This terrifying experience, combined with the intense public scrutiny and hate she received online, propelled her to seek help on her own terms. It was through this process that she received an official diagnosis and began to truly understand the nature of her condition.

This second, undeniable encounter with her diagnosis allowed her to confront the reality of her mental health, a reality her grandmother had hinted at, revealing a family history of untreated mental illness. “I had went to my grandmother, who I’m really close with, and I had told her and she said, I think that that’s what my mom had,” Gabbie shares, adding, “My grandmother’s mom actually ended up jumping off of a bridge or off of a building in France when she was growing up and committed suicide because she had so many untreated mental health conditions.” This generational understanding provided a crucial piece of the puzzle, helping Gabbie contextualize her own struggles and recognize that her experiences were not merely “crazy” but rooted in a legitimate medical condition.

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The Intertwined Paths of Substance Use and Mental Health

Gabbie’s narrative vividly illustrates the intricate relationship between substance use and mental health. Her early experimentation with drugs and alcohol served as a form of self-medication for her untreated depression and the chaotic emotional swings of undiagnosed bipolar disorder. The substances provided a temporary escape from the pain, isolation, and overwhelming feelings she couldn’t articulate or understand.

Her pregnancy at 13, giving birth just before turning 14, further intensified her struggles. As a teen mom, Gabbie faced immense pressure and isolation. She juggled high school, childcare, and the emotional burden of being an outcast among her peers. While she excelled as a mother to her son, other aspects of her life crumbled. “Everything else in my life would be completely falling apart. And every aspect. I was a horrible friend. I was a horrible partner. I was a horrible daughter to my parents. Just ’cause I was just like so just like in the trenches, but I was a great mom to my son,” she reflects.

During periods when her son was with his grandparents, Gabbie would resort to heavy drinking, often to the point of blacking out. These episodes were a desperate attempt to cope with the immense emotional distress and the deep void she felt. The incident at 16, where she was found unconscious and her stomach pumped, was a direct consequence of this self-destructive pattern.

Even joining the military at 17, an attempt to “fix” herself, didn’t provide the escape she hoped for. “Substance abuse just followed me into the military,” she admits. Her ability to function, even at the height of her addiction, is a testament to the high-functioning nature often seen in individuals with underlying mental health conditions. She graduated high school a year early, maintaining her academic responsibilities while engaging in significant substance abuse. “People don’t think that you can be functioning, but you can, you can do everything that you’re supposed to be doing and you can show up in every single way,” Gabbie emphasizes, recounting how she would complete school papers while “tripping balls” on acid. This period underscores the dangerous dance between her mental health challenges and her substance use, where each exacerbated the other, creating a vicious cycle.

Navigating Mania and Depression: The Bipolar Experience

Gabbie’s account of living with bipolar I disorder provides a raw and honest glimpse into the extremes of the condition. She describes her manic episodes as periods of intense energy and productivity, often accompanied by a feeling of invincibility. “I have all these ideas and I’m just like, I can stay up for days straight working on a project, a new project, a new business idea, a new something,” she explains. However, these highs are often accompanied by erratic and risky behaviors, including her two arrests, which she believes occurred during manic states. “The things that I have gotten myself into when I feel like I’m the hottest shit. I mean, I’ve gone to jail two times and I, I do believe that both of the times that I went to jail, I was like in a manic episode,” she reveals. During these manic phases, sleep becomes minimal or nonexistent, and she often reaches a state of “blackout” where she has no recollection of her actions.

The crash that follows these manic highs is equally debilitating. Gabbie describes it as a complete physical and emotional collapse, leaving her “completely debilitated.” The overwhelming feeling of paralysis, the inability to move forward with the projects started during mania, is a common experience for individuals with bipolar disorder. “It’s like now I’m halfway through all these projects and I have no energy for anything anymore, and I can’t do anything. And I just feel stuck,” she articulates, likening it to ADHD paralysis where the sheer volume of tasks leads to an inability to start any of them.

Gabbie’s journey with medication also highlights the complexities of treatment for bipolar disorder. While acknowledging that medication is beneficial for many, she shares her personal struggles with various prescriptions like Seroquel and Abilify. These medications, while addressing some symptoms, often left her feeling “like I wasn’t even human anymore,” turning her into a “zombie” or making her feel “boring.” This experience underscores the importance of individualized treatment plans and the ongoing search for the right balance between managing symptoms and maintaining a sense of self.

The Path to Recovery: Resilience, Acceptance, and Self-Worth

Despite the numerous setbacks and deep troughs of despair, Gabbie’s story is ultimately one of remarkable resilience and a profound journey toward self-acceptance. Her early and repeated failures in attempts at sobriety ultimately paved the way for a lasting recovery. “It doesn’t matter how many times you’re trying to recover, as long as you’re putting in the effort one day, it will stick if you really want it,” she advises, a testament to her own experience. She has learned to reframe failures not as endpoints, but as integral parts of her process, emphasizing that “you can fail a million times and still try again.”

Gabbie’s recovery extends beyond sobriety; it encompasses a deeper understanding and management of her bipolar disorder. She has learned to recognize the onset of her manic and depressive episodes, developing coping mechanisms to navigate them. This self-awareness allows her to mitigate the impact of the extreme highs and lows, recognizing when she needs to slow down or when she needs to push through the paralysis of depression by taking small, actionable steps.

Crucially, Gabbie has learned to distinguish between understanding her diagnosis and using it as an excuse for harmful behavior. While acknowledging that bipolar disorder explains certain aspects of her actions, she asserts, “it doesn’t excuse all my actions.” This mature perspective allows her to take accountability for her behavior while still working to manage her condition. She recognizes that the goal is not to eliminate the “crazy” but to “learn to manage that rather than make excuses for that.”

Today, Gabbie is a recovery advocate who openly shares her story, creating a space for others to find solace and understanding. She is a testament to the power of authentic vulnerability, demonstrating that healing is not about becoming a perfect version of oneself, but about embracing all facets of one’s experience. Her journey of “coming undone and rebuild[ing], to tell the truth out loud, and to never let go of your own becoming” serves as a powerful inspiration for anyone navigating the complexities of mental health and addiction recovery. Her story emphasizes that true recovery is a continuous process of learning, adapting, and ultimately, loving the person you are becoming, flaws and all.