Author: Sarah Shawaker

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Gabbie Egan’s Journey Through Bipolar Disorder and Alcohol and Marijuana Addiction Recovery

Gabbie Egan’s story is a powerful and candid exploration of the interconnectedness of mental health and substance use. Her journey, marked by early exposure to drugs and alcohol, a teenage pregnancy, and an eventual diagnosis of bipolar I disorder, offers a deeply personal insight into the complexities of recovery. Gabbie’s unflinching honesty about her struggles and triumphs serves as a beacon of hope, demonstrating that even through multiple setbacks, sustained effort can lead to profound healing and self-acceptance.

The Early Seeds of Struggle: Childhood and Adolescent Experiences

Gabbie’s introduction to substance use began at a remarkably young age, rooted in a combination of environmental factors and personal vulnerabilities. Growing up in a part of North Carolina with limited recreational outlets, drug and alcohol use became a prevalent coping mechanism among her peers. “I’m from a part of North Carolina where it’s like there’s nothing to do,” Gabbie recounts, “And so the only thing that people are really doing to keep themselves occupied is like getting messed up.”

Her home environment, while loving, also contributed to a sense of unmonitored freedom. With parents deeply engrossed in their careers, Gabbie, an only child, was often left to her “own devices.” This lack of direct parental supervision, combined with a pre-existing sadness, created fertile ground for experimentation. She began with cough medicine in sixth grade, quickly escalating to marijuana and prescription pills like Vicodin by the age of 11 or 12. This early exposure to various substances at such a formative age significantly shaped her developing brain and laid the groundwork for future struggles.

Beyond the external influences, Gabbie also grappled with internal battles. She describes herself as “a very sad kid” who experienced bullying and felt she never truly fit in. Her expulsion from Christian school in sixth grade after piercing her belly button further isolated her and plunged her into an environment where she was “in a pretty low place ever since I was a child.” Her mother, a loving but misguided figure, dismissed her emotional struggles, attributing them to a lack of gratitude or a “made-up” mental illness. This invalidation of her feelings compounded Gabbie’s internal turmoil and prevented her from seeking the help she desperately needed. As Gabbie poignantly shares, “My mom doesn’t believe in mental illness. And so that’s tough because then, yeah.”

The Unveiling of Bipolar Disorder: A Diagnosis and a Family Legacy

The first hint of Gabbie’s underlying mental health condition emerged at 16, following a severe alcohol-related incident. After blacking out and requiring a stomach pump, she was court-ordered to see a mental health specialist. It was during this session that a therapist suggested she might have bipolar I disorder. The therapist explained that bipolar I is characterized by “high highs of extreme mania and then extremely low lows that last and extended like a certain amount of time.” This explanation deeply resonated with Gabbie, as it accurately described her volatile emotional landscape. “I’m either extremely low, like, you know, on the verge of like wanting to literally end my life or, um, you know, extremely high thinking, I am Jesus, you know?” she candidly admits.

Despite this crucial insight, her mother’s continued denial of mental illness led Gabbie to dismiss the diagnosis at the time. “My mom’s like, this is just how they get you in the system. They’re trying to medicate you,” Gabbie recalls. This dismissal, coupled with a lack of proper follow-up, meant that Gabbie continued to navigate her life unmedicated and without professional support for her burgeoning mental health challenges.

Years later, a more definitive diagnosis of bipolar I disorder would come after another significant incident in Las Vegas. During what she believes was a manic episode, Gabbie experienced a blackout and woke up in jail in a straightjacket, unable to recall the events that led her there. This terrifying experience, combined with the intense public scrutiny and hate she received online, propelled her to seek help on her own terms. It was through this process that she received an official diagnosis and began to truly understand the nature of her condition.

This second, undeniable encounter with her diagnosis allowed her to confront the reality of her mental health, a reality her grandmother had hinted at, revealing a family history of untreated mental illness. “I had went to my grandmother, who I’m really close with, and I had told her and she said, I think that that’s what my mom had,” Gabbie shares, adding, “My grandmother’s mom actually ended up jumping off of a bridge or off of a building in France when she was growing up and committed suicide because she had so many untreated mental health conditions.” This generational understanding provided a crucial piece of the puzzle, helping Gabbie contextualize her own struggles and recognize that her experiences were not merely “crazy” but rooted in a legitimate medical condition.

Explore bipolar disorder treatment options.

The Intertwined Paths of Substance Use and Mental Health

Gabbie’s narrative vividly illustrates the intricate relationship between substance use and mental health. Her early experimentation with drugs and alcohol served as a form of self-medication for her untreated depression and the chaotic emotional swings of undiagnosed bipolar disorder. The substances provided a temporary escape from the pain, isolation, and overwhelming feelings she couldn’t articulate or understand.

Her pregnancy at 13, giving birth just before turning 14, further intensified her struggles. As a teen mom, Gabbie faced immense pressure and isolation. She juggled high school, childcare, and the emotional burden of being an outcast among her peers. While she excelled as a mother to her son, other aspects of her life crumbled. “Everything else in my life would be completely falling apart. And every aspect. I was a horrible friend. I was a horrible partner. I was a horrible daughter to my parents. Just ’cause I was just like so just like in the trenches, but I was a great mom to my son,” she reflects.

During periods when her son was with his grandparents, Gabbie would resort to heavy drinking, often to the point of blacking out. These episodes were a desperate attempt to cope with the immense emotional distress and the deep void she felt. The incident at 16, where she was found unconscious and her stomach pumped, was a direct consequence of this self-destructive pattern.

Even joining the military at 17, an attempt to “fix” herself, didn’t provide the escape she hoped for. “Substance abuse just followed me into the military,” she admits. Her ability to function, even at the height of her addiction, is a testament to the high-functioning nature often seen in individuals with underlying mental health conditions. She graduated high school a year early, maintaining her academic responsibilities while engaging in significant substance abuse. “People don’t think that you can be functioning, but you can, you can do everything that you’re supposed to be doing and you can show up in every single way,” Gabbie emphasizes, recounting how she would complete school papers while “tripping balls” on acid. This period underscores the dangerous dance between her mental health challenges and her substance use, where each exacerbated the other, creating a vicious cycle.

Navigating Mania and Depression: The Bipolar Experience

Gabbie’s account of living with bipolar I disorder provides a raw and honest glimpse into the extremes of the condition. She describes her manic episodes as periods of intense energy and productivity, often accompanied by a feeling of invincibility. “I have all these ideas and I’m just like, I can stay up for days straight working on a project, a new project, a new business idea, a new something,” she explains. However, these highs are often accompanied by erratic and risky behaviors, including her two arrests, which she believes occurred during manic states. “The things that I have gotten myself into when I feel like I’m the hottest shit. I mean, I’ve gone to jail two times and I, I do believe that both of the times that I went to jail, I was like in a manic episode,” she reveals. During these manic phases, sleep becomes minimal or nonexistent, and she often reaches a state of “blackout” where she has no recollection of her actions.

The crash that follows these manic highs is equally debilitating. Gabbie describes it as a complete physical and emotional collapse, leaving her “completely debilitated.” The overwhelming feeling of paralysis, the inability to move forward with the projects started during mania, is a common experience for individuals with bipolar disorder. “It’s like now I’m halfway through all these projects and I have no energy for anything anymore, and I can’t do anything. And I just feel stuck,” she articulates, likening it to ADHD paralysis where the sheer volume of tasks leads to an inability to start any of them.

Gabbie’s journey with medication also highlights the complexities of treatment for bipolar disorder. While acknowledging that medication is beneficial for many, she shares her personal struggles with various prescriptions like Seroquel and Abilify. These medications, while addressing some symptoms, often left her feeling “like I wasn’t even human anymore,” turning her into a “zombie” or making her feel “boring.” This experience underscores the importance of individualized treatment plans and the ongoing search for the right balance between managing symptoms and maintaining a sense of self.

The Path to Recovery: Resilience, Acceptance, and Self-Worth

Despite the numerous setbacks and deep troughs of despair, Gabbie’s story is ultimately one of remarkable resilience and a profound journey toward self-acceptance. Her early and repeated failures in attempts at sobriety ultimately paved the way for a lasting recovery. “It doesn’t matter how many times you’re trying to recover, as long as you’re putting in the effort one day, it will stick if you really want it,” she advises, a testament to her own experience. She has learned to reframe failures not as endpoints, but as integral parts of her process, emphasizing that “you can fail a million times and still try again.”

Gabbie’s recovery extends beyond sobriety; it encompasses a deeper understanding and management of her bipolar disorder. She has learned to recognize the onset of her manic and depressive episodes, developing coping mechanisms to navigate them. This self-awareness allows her to mitigate the impact of the extreme highs and lows, recognizing when she needs to slow down or when she needs to push through the paralysis of depression by taking small, actionable steps.

Crucially, Gabbie has learned to distinguish between understanding her diagnosis and using it as an excuse for harmful behavior. While acknowledging that bipolar disorder explains certain aspects of her actions, she asserts, “it doesn’t excuse all my actions.” This mature perspective allows her to take accountability for her behavior while still working to manage her condition. She recognizes that the goal is not to eliminate the “crazy” but to “learn to manage that rather than make excuses for that.”

Today, Gabbie is a recovery advocate who openly shares her story, creating a space for others to find solace and understanding. She is a testament to the power of authentic vulnerability, demonstrating that healing is not about becoming a perfect version of oneself, but about embracing all facets of one’s experience. Her journey of “coming undone and rebuild[ing], to tell the truth out loud, and to never let go of your own becoming” serves as a powerful inspiration for anyone navigating the complexities of mental health and addiction recovery. Her story emphasizes that true recovery is a continuous process of learning, adapting, and ultimately, loving the person you are becoming, flaws and all.

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Ben Fisher’s Recovery and Redemption: 11 Ways to Find Your Purpose After Addiction

“You know, but some of us need to speak out because too many people are dying. And there’s these, you know, back in the day when AA started, there weren’t these drugs that were killing people first time. Yes. And it’s a scary place. So we need a few soldiers out there that are willing to do this.” – Ben Fisher

The journey of addiction and recovery is deeply personal, often marked by profound challenges and ultimately, immense triumph. For many, the path to sobriety is not just about abstaining from substances, but about rediscovering purpose, rebuilding connections, and transforming past experiences into powerful tools for change. Ben Fisher, the creative force behind “A String of Hope,” embodies this transformation, channeling his own battles with addiction into a platform that resonates with millions seeking mental health and addiction recovery.

1. The Genesis of a Troubled Connection: Music, Identity, and Early Exposure

Ben Fisher’s journey with addiction began at a surprisingly young age, interwoven with his passion for music and the perceived glamour of the rock and roll lifestyle. At just 12 years old, while playing guitar at a family gathering, he was handed a Budweiser by a “drunk uncle.” The experience was immediate and profound. “That wave hit me of, you know, feeling that for the first time at 12. And my 12-year-old brain was like, this is it. This is what I need to feel normal. It was like a switch flipped in me.”

This pivotal moment, however, wasn’t an isolated incident but rather a culmination of earlier influences. At seven, watching Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock, Ben was captivated, feeling a deep connection to the artist’s ability to move people through music. He began to idolize musicians who, despite their artistic brilliance, were also known for their struggles with addiction and alcoholism. This early association between rock stardom and substance abuse became a dangerous blueprint in his young mind. “I idolized them and I’m like, okay. So I have to live that lifestyle if I want to be that person. So I leaned into that at an early age.” This narrative highlights how formative experiences and environmental factors can inadvertently lay the groundwork for future struggles.

2. The Illusion of Control: Balancing Dual Lives

As Ben grew older, his addiction progressed, but so did his ability to compartmentalize. He maintained a starkly contrasting dual life: the party-hardy musician embracing the “rockstar lifestyle” and the dedicated worship leader at his church. “My entire drinking career and drinking and drug career, I was living two different people,” he recounts. “One was the party rockstar lifestyle and the other was the guy playing music at church.”

This ability to hide his struggles, particularly his burgeoning addiction to opiate pain medication, became a defining characteristic of his early adult life. He meticulously concealed his substance use from his girlfriend, who would later become his wife. “She knows nothing about it,” he said of his wife’s unawareness of his opiate addiction. “I was really good at hiding it and I hid it all, all through my life.” This functional addiction, where individuals maintain a semblance of normalcy despite severe substance use, can prolong the denial phase and delay seeking help. The façade of functionality can be incredibly isolating, as the individual carries the immense burden of their secret.

3. The Progressive Nature of Addiction: From Beer to Opiates

Ben’s story serves as a stark reminder of addiction’s progressive nature. What began with underage drinking escalated significantly in college, where he engaged in heavy pot use and occasional cocaine use. The turning point, however, came after a painful breakup when a coworker introduced him to opiate pain medication. “I tried them and they made me feel better. They made me feel way better.” This moment marked a new and more insidious phase of his addiction, as opiates offered an even more potent escape from emotional discomfort.

His reliance on opiates became so entrenched that he eventually sought Suboxone, initially buying it on the street before obtaining a legitimate prescription. The fear of his then-fiancée discovering his secret prompted a dangerous decision: cold-turkey withdrawal from Suboxone. This decision, made without medical supervision, led to a grueling, month-long withdrawal period that he endured alone, further illustrating the desperate lengths individuals will go to hide their addiction. “If you know anything about that, I know it’s a medication that’s great for helping people get off, but you have to taper down, step down very slowly. I went cold Turkey. It was the worst experience I’ve ever gone through. And nobody knew I was going through it. I went through it alone.” This dangerous self-detoxification further entrenched his alcohol use as a coping mechanism.

4. The Crushing Weight of Secrecy: Hiding in Plain Sight

The emotional toll of leading a double life, particularly from the person he loved most, was immense. Ben’s wife was unaware of his opiate addiction for seven years, even as they fell in love, got engaged, and bought a house. “That’s gotta be heavy on you,” the podcast host observes. “To not only just going through that addiction, but to hide such a huge part of you and what you’re going through from the person that you care so much about.”

The constant vigilance required to maintain this deception, coupled with the escalating demands of his addiction, undoubtedly contributed to his internal suffering. The pressure to maintain a “functional” exterior, even as his internal world crumbled, is a common theme in addiction. This sustained psychological burden can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and a deeper sense of shame.

5. The Fall from Grace: Losing Purpose and Community

A crucial turning point in Ben’s descent was the exposure of his addiction to his church community. His daily ritual of buying and consuming cheap vodka, even while driving, highlights the pervasive nature of his alcohol dependence. The moment of reckoning came when his eight-month pregnant wife found him passed out in his car, a bottle of vodka beside him. Her call to a friend at the church, whose husband was in recovery, ultimately led to Ben being pushed out of his role as worship leader.

“I ended up later in life becoming a worship leader, music director at a church… That broke me in my drinking. Then I was already at blackout stage. So then we were at the point where it’s like treatment, like what are we gonna do here?” This loss of his perceived identity and community, a place where he had found a sense of purpose through music, was devastating. While initially harboring resentment, Ben later recognized the complex dynamics at play, acknowledging that the church, in its vulnerable state, was also trying to protect itself. This incident underscores the profound impact addiction can have on relationships and one’s sense of self-worth.

6. The “Rock Bottom” That Changed Everything: His Daughter’s Safety

Ben’s true rock bottom arrived on Easter Sunday, 2016. After blacking out while caring for his infant daughter the day before, he woke up on his parents’ couch with no recollection of the events. The realization that his addiction had jeopardized his daughter’s safety was the jolt he needed.

“What she told me, just, it absolutely scared the life outta me because again, my daughter is everything to me. I, I love her more than the world. And, um, like I, I get emotional just thinking about it because, you know, something bad could have happened and, and I, if I didn’t go to jail, if something bad happened, I, I can tell you I probably wouldn’t be here ’cause I wouldn’t wanna live after that.” This moment, devoid of grand dramatic consequences like incarceration or near-death experiences, was nonetheless profoundly impactful. It demonstrates that “rock bottom” is subjective and deeply personal; for Ben, the threat to his child’s well-being was enough to trigger a fundamental shift. The immediate consequence of being asked to leave his home until he sought help further solidified his resolve.

7. The First Steps of Recovery: 90 Meetings in 90 Days

With his marriage on the line and the terrifying realization of his actions, Ben committed to recovery. His first concrete step was embracing the “90 meetings in 90 days” approach, a common recommendation in 12-Step programs. Despite his introverted nature, he dedicated himself to attending meetings daily. “I was going to meetings every day. I was sitting there and I never talked at any meetings. Like, you would’ve never seen me doing anything like this.”

This initial immersion in the recovery community, even without active participation in sharing, provided a crucial foundation of support and exposure to the principles of sobriety. It allowed him to absorb the experiences of others, gradually eroding the isolation that had characterized his addiction. This structured approach to early recovery provides consistency and a sense of routine, which can be invaluable in navigating the initial turbulent stages of sobriety.

8. Redefining Higher Power: A Personal Journey of Spirituality

Ben’s past role as a worship leader presented a unique challenge in his recovery journey, particularly concerning the concept of a “higher power” in 12-Step programs. He admitted to holding resentment towards organized religion. However, the flexibility of “God of your understanding” resonated deeply. “I loved how they said God of your understanding. And I latched onto that ’cause I’m like, I don’t understand the God that I have been leading worship too for other people. I don’t understand him right now.”

This willingness to redefine his spiritual beliefs on his own terms allowed him to engage with the spiritual aspect of recovery without feeling constrained by traditional religious dogma. This personal interpretation of a higher power is a cornerstone of many recovery programs, allowing individuals from diverse backgrounds to find a spiritual path that supports their sobriety.

9. Finding New Obsessions: The Power of Purposeful Action

Beyond attending meetings, Ben recognized the vital need to actively engage in something meaningful. He embraced the idea of finding “new addictions” or, more accurately, healthy obsessions. “I gotta, I gotta do something with myself. Yeah. You have to find something to kind of like dive into. That’s a huge part of my recovery story and what I..tell people is like, get busy doing something. Find something you love and do it. Find a new addiction, really obsession.”

This proactive approach to filling the void left by substance use is crucial for sustained recovery. For Ben, this translated into tangible projects, like building a playhouse, which provided a sense of accomplishment and a healthy outlet for his energy.

10. A String of Hope: Connecting Through Vulnerability

Ben’s journey eventually led him to create “A String of Hope,” a platform dedicated to mental health, addiction recovery, and personal growth. This endeavor is a powerful manifestation of his core desire, recognized only in recovery, to connect deeply with others. “I thought when I saw Jimi Hendrix that day, I thought what I wanted to be was a rockstar. And what I really wanted to do is harness what he had to connect to people.”

Through candid storytelling and motivational insights, Ben fosters a community of support and resilience, turning his past struggles into a beacon of hope for others. This act of service, of sharing his vulnerability and insights, has become his ultimate purpose, allowing him to impact millions. “I know now, today with the cute little videos that I do, I’m able to do that… Now I’m realizing like it was never about being a rock star and like performance, it was about connecting to people.” This demonstrates the profound healing that can occur when individuals transform their personal pain into a source of inspiration for others.

11. The Ongoing Journey: Life Beyond Addiction

Ben Fisher’s story is a testament to the transformative power of recovery. His life, now marked by sobriety and purpose, is rich with opportunities to connect and inspire. From a young boy captivated by a rockstar’s image to a man who understands the true meaning of connection, Ben’s journey highlights the continuous process of growth and self-discovery in sobriety. His story underscores the importance of seeking help, even when the path is difficult, and the profound impact that finding a new purpose can have on long-term recovery.

“Here I am today and life is so much better. And I’ve had so many opportunities like this to do.” His ongoing commitment to sharing his story, even as an introverted individual, showcases the strength and conviction that can emerge from overcoming adversity. Recovery is not a destination but a continuous process of self-improvement, resilience, and a commitment to a life lived fully and authentically.

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Roger’s Road to Recovery: 7+ Ways Hope Can Overpower Addiction

On this episode of the Giving Voice to Addiction Podcast, we sit down with Roger, a man who has not only navigated the treacherous waters of addiction but has emerged with a profound message of hope and resilience. Roger’s story is a testament to the human spirit’s capacity to overcome immense challenges, offering invaluable insights for anyone struggling with addiction or supporting a loved one through it.

1. The Overpowering Force of Hope: A Counter to Addiction’s Grip

Addiction often feels like an insurmountable force, an overpowering entity that leaves individuals feeling trapped and hopeless. However, Roger’s journey reveals a crucial truth: hope can be an even more potent force. For those entrenched in the depths of addiction, the very concept of hope can seem elusive, a forgotten dream. Yet, Roger, having lived through decades of active addiction and trauma, emphasizes its transformative power. He states, “It’s possible. It’s possible to find hope, and it’s possible that that hope can overpower everything that tries to stop us, and we can move towards the life that we’re trying to have.“

This isn’t a naive optimism but a hard-won conviction born from personal experience. Roger understands that addiction often leads to a sense of undeserving suffering, a belief that one is inherently flawed and destined for failure. He candidly shares his own past struggles with mental health and suicidal ideation, revealing that he once believed, “My addiction, my poor mental health, my time messing around with suicide. It’s a lie. I’m worth something. And for a long time I didn’t think I was.” This realization, that one’s worth is not diminished by addiction, is a cornerstone of true recovery.

The idea of standing “a millimeter taller” than one’s pain is a powerful metaphor Roger uses to illustrate the incremental victories in recovery. It signifies that even the smallest shift in perspective or effort can create a foothold, a spark of possibility that can ignite a larger transformation. This resonates deeply with the understanding that recovery is not a single event but a continuous process of small, deliberate steps.

2. Unpacking a Lifetime of Trauma and Addiction

Roger’s narrative is a stark reminder that addiction rarely exists in a vacuum. His story begins at a tender age, with his mother’s incarceration due to mental health issues when he was just four, followed by her subsequent homelessness. This early exposure to instability and profound loss laid a fertile ground for trauma. He began using drugs at 12, a rapid escalation from marijuana to speed, acid, and cocaine within a year. For Roger, drugs were initially a form of self-medication, a perceived source of comfort and safety in a chaotic world. He describes them as “my mother and my father all at the same time. It was comfort, nature, nurture. It was an escape. It was warm, especially when I started shooting heroin. It was warm, felt good. It was safe until it tried to kill me.“

The allure of drug dealing, though dangerous, provided a perverse sense of purpose and engagement that was otherwise lacking. This highlights how addiction can fulfill unmet needs, even in destructive ways. However, this illusion of safety and purpose eventually shattered. The constant threat of violence, including having a gun to his head multiple times, coupled with a cocaine overdose, signaled a turning point. The realization that his lifestyle was not only endangering himself but also his innocent family members became a powerful motivator for change. “Now I’m putting other people at risk,” he recalls, a clear indication that his addiction’s reach extended far beyond himself.

The journey to discontinue drug use was not immediate but a five-year “de-escalation,” starting with breaking free from the needle and gradually tapering off harder substances. This gradual process underscores that recovery is often a marathon, not a sprint, requiring sustained effort and commitment.

3. The Power of a Vision: Turning Point to Recovery

One of the most profound catalysts for Roger’s initial sobriety was a vivid dream of his own funeral, where he witnessed the devastation it wrought on his father and sister. This dream, coupled with a subsequent “day vision,” solidified his resolve to change. “I had a dream and the dream was my funeral. Then I looked around the funeral scene and I saw my dad and my middle sister, who I’m very close with, and they were just wrecked.” This powerful emotional experience transcended his love for being high, offering a clear and devastating consequence of continuing his path. It shifted his motivation from self-preservation to protecting those he loved.

This deeply personal turning point illustrates that while external pressures can play a role, true and lasting change often stems from an internal shift in values and priorities. Roger’s decision was not driven by a desire to simply stop using, but by a profound realization of the impact his addiction had on his loved ones.

After finally quitting drugs, Roger channeled his addictive tendencies into a new, healthier pursuit: professional mountain biking. While this brought its own set of challenges, including head injuries, it was a significantly less destructive path than his previous drug use. This demonstrates the concept of addiction transfer, where individuals in recovery might replace one addictive behavior with another. While not ideal, it can sometimes be a stepping stone towards healthier coping mechanisms, provided it doesn’t lead to equally destructive outcomes.

4. The Continuous Journey: Sobriety, Clean Time, and Recovery

Roger’s commitment to his recovery is evident in his meticulous counting of clean time: “36 years, one month, and four days.” This unwavering awareness of his sobriety date is not a burden but a source of strength, a tangible representation of his dedication. He explains, “I have to count the days. The days give me strength if I let myself go, I’d be dead tonight because if I’m gonna give up that time, I’m going all the way.” This highlights the ever-present temptation for those in recovery and the importance of recognizing the significant investment made in staying clean.

However, Roger’s journey also includes a relapse with alcohol after his first divorce, underscoring that recovery is not a linear path. Despite being clean from drugs for 15 years, the emotional devastation of his divorce led him to heavy alcohol use, consuming a fifth of tequila daily and later two to three bottles of wine. This period of alcohol abuse lasted five years. His experience demonstrates that past sobriety from one substance doesn’t grant immunity from addiction to others, especially during periods of intense emotional distress.

His eventual cessation of alcohol came after a work trip in Spain where he drank himself unconscious and missed a flight, followed by his second wife being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. This dual crisis, coupled with the realization of the impact on their three young children, spurred him and his wife to quit drinking together. This collective decision highlights the power of shared commitment and accountability in recovery, especially when children are involved. Roger now differentiates between his “clean” time from drugs and his “sober” time from alcohol, emphasizing that true recovery encompasses addressing all addictive behaviors and underlying issues. He states, “I’m 14 years sober. 14 years, and 21 days, April 17th. So I count that too.”

5. Beyond Abstinence: The Essence of True Recovery

For Roger, being “clean” and “sober” is distinct from being “in recovery.” His past experience with suicidal ideation, even years after achieving drug sobriety, revealed that abstinence alone isn’t enough. He discovered that his suicidal thoughts were a side effect of antidepressant medication, emphasizing the complex interplay between mental health and substance use. Roger’s current recovery hinges on a structured life built on connection, engagement, and introspection. Living in a cabin in the woods without internet, cell service, or TV forces him to actively seek human connection. He elaborates, “I need structure. I need engagement. I need connection… I have to consciously get outta the house every day, or it puts me in trouble. But that connection is key for me and facing my truth.“

This active pursuit of connection and self-awareness through journaling, writing, and maintaining relationships with friends and family is central to his ongoing well-being. He also finds purpose in mentoring others, understanding that helping others strengthens his own resolve. This highlights the altruistic nature of recovery, where sharing one’s experience can create a virtuous cycle of support.

6. Understanding Addiction from the Family’s Perspective

Addiction’s ripple effect extends far beyond the individual, deeply impacting families who often grapple with immense pain, confusion, and a desperate desire to help. Roger offers crucial insights for families struggling to understand their loved one’s addiction. He emphasizes that judgmental attitudes towards behavior miss the underlying suffering. “For many people there is a mental health component that goes along with substance abuse. And more than anything, I think as a people, as humanity, we’re quick to judge the behavior. The behavior is the person people think. It’s not that person’s in trouble. That person’s hurting.“

This distinction between the person and their behavior is fundamental to fostering empathy and effective support. Roger advises families to “love the person no matter what” while simultaneously establishing healthy boundaries. He acknowledges the fine line between tough love and enabling, urging understanding that individuals, even in addiction, are often doing what they believe is best, however misguided it may seem.

Roger asserts that genuine change must come from within: “If we want to go to rehab, we have to want to go to rehab. If we want to quit, we have to want to quit.” This speaks to the limitations of external pressure and the necessity of internal motivation. His personal experience of his mother’s homelessness serves as a poignant example of how societal judgment can dehumanize individuals struggling with addiction and mental illness, reminding us that “that’s somebody’s mother. That’s somebody’s sister. That’s somebody’s kid.”

7. The Role of Support and the Evolution of Treatment

While Roger’s journey was largely self-directed due to the limited resources available at the time, he acknowledges the critical role support plays. He recalls how two close friends intervened when he was desperate to quit the needle, physically preventing him from using and offering unwavering support. “I just told ’em, this is my life and this is how I’m gonna die. I was crying and they said, well, we’re gonna help you.” This demonstrates the profound impact of genuine care and intervention when an individual is ready to receive it. His move to Colorado, away from the triggers of Baltimore, also provided a crucial “break” from his active addiction.

Roger’s early attempt to seek professional help was met with a devastating response: “What’s your insurance? I don’t have any. And they’re like, sorry, we can’t help you.” This highlights the significant barriers to treatment that existed in the past, particularly for those without financial means. It underscores the vital progress made in the addiction treatment landscape, with increased access to resources like harm reduction strategies, needle exchange programs, and a greater emphasis on integrated care for co-occurring mental health disorders. While Roger didn’t attend his first 12-Step meeting until six years ago, he now recognizes their immense value: “They are helpful ’cause it’s a community that you don’t find elsewhere. You need people that can accept you as you are.”

8. Roger’s Enduring Message of Possibility

Roger’s ultimate message is one of unwavering hope and the boundless possibilities of change. He implores anyone struggling to believe in the potential for a different future: “It is possible. It’s possible for something else. It’s possible for change. Change is actually a given.” He challenges the ingrained cynicism and self-deprecating labels that often accompany addiction, such as “loser, low life piece of shit, junky, alcoholic, dropout.” Roger powerfully asserts, “No matter our worst behavior, we’re more than that. We can be anything we wanna be. We can start over every single morning.”

His call to action is simple yet profound: “Just get started. Try to try start there.” This emphasis on taking the first, often daunting, step resonates with anyone facing a significant challenge. Roger’s journey from a childhood marred by trauma and a devastating 13-year drug addiction to a life of profound purpose and continuous recovery is a powerful testament to the fact that even in the darkest moments, possibility exists.

Roger’s story is a beacon of hope for countless individuals. It underscores that recovery is a complex, non-linear journey often intertwined with trauma and mental health challenges. Yet, with internal motivation, external support, and an unwavering belief in the possibility of change, individuals can not only overcome addiction but also build lives of purpose and profound meaning. His message is a powerful reminder that “you’re beautiful. I love you, and you can do it. I know it. Absolutely know it. ‘Cause it is possible.”

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Understanding Stimulant Addiction: Misha’s 7 Ways to Reclaim Your Life and Health

The journey to recovery from stimulant addiction is often fraught with challenges, yet it offers an unparalleled opportunity for profound personal transformation. For many, the insidious grip of stimulants begins subtly, weaving itself into the fabric of daily life until it becomes an undeniable and destructive force. The story of Misha, who began using stimulants at 15 and entered treatment at 17, is a poignant illustration of this trajectory. His experience highlights the normalization of suffering, the illusion of control, and the eventual realization that a life dictated by addiction is no life at all.

This article delves into the complexities of stimulant addiction, exploring the signs, the impact on physical and mental health, and the crucial steps towards lasting recovery. Drawing insights from Misha’s personal journey, we will shed light on the vital role of connection, self-awareness, and the unwavering belief that a better life is not only possible but within reach.

1. The Deceptive Normalization of Suffering

One of the most insidious aspects of stimulant addiction is its ability to warp an individual’s perception of “normal.” As Misha recounts, “I think one thing that became the normal for me was always feeling bad. I mean, whether it was emotionally guilty or physically bad, like you wouldn’t sleep, I wouldn’t eat.” This constant state of discomfort, sleeplessness, and poor nutrition becomes the accepted baseline, obscuring the true toll the addiction is taking. The body’s natural rhythms are disrupted, leading to a cascade of negative health consequences.

The psychological burden is equally heavy. The constant cycle of using, experiencing a fleeting high, and then crashing into a state of depletion and guilt creates a vicious loop. Misha’s observation that admitting the harm meant “admitting obviously, that I had a problem and something had to change and worse, that I didn’t have control over myself or what I was doing wasn’t manageable” underscores the powerful role of denial in perpetuating addiction. Breaking free from this normalized suffering requires a profound shift in perspective and a courageous willingness to confront the reality of the situation.

Finding Treatment for Prescription Stimulant Addiction article.

2. The Tipping Point: Recognizing the Need for Change

For many individuals struggling with addiction, the decision to seek help is not a singular, instantaneous event but rather a gradual process, often triggered by external pressures or a sudden moment of clarity. In Misha’s case, legal trouble initially propelled him into treatment. However, as he wisely points out, “being sent somewhere is completely different from choosing to go there, especially as an addict.” True recovery begins when the individual internalizes the need for change and actively chooses the path of healing.

Misha’s “aha!” moment occurred when confronted with a seemingly innocuous Adderall prescription. His mind, no longer clouded by immediate desire, began to play out the inevitable consequences: the lies, the sleepless nights, the physical discomfort, all for “20 minutes of pleasure.” This vivid mental rehearsal, culminating in the realization that he had been “sabotaging myself,” marked his personal tipping point. It’s a testament to the power of self-awareness and the ability to connect actions with their long-term repercussions.

This internal shift is crucial because it moves beyond mere compliance and into genuine commitment. It’s at this juncture that individuals begin to understand that the perceived “benefits” of substance use are dwarfed by the accumulating negative consequences. The fleeting high gives way to persistent suffering, and the illusion of control shatters under the weight of unmanageability. The transition from being told to get help to deciding to get help is a fundamental step in the recovery journey.

3. The Power of Connection: Letting Others In

Addiction thrives in isolation. The shame, guilt, and secrecy associated with substance abuse often lead individuals to erect walls, pushing away those who care about them. For Misha, a significant breakthrough in his recovery was learning to “let people in.” He describes his initial resistance: “I was so set on not being told what to do or not feeling like anyone was in control of me or in charge of me, um, even to my detriment.” This desire for absolute autonomy, while understandable, ultimately served as a barrier to healing.

In recovery, connection is not merely beneficial; it is foundational. Whether through structured treatment programs, support groups like Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous, or therapy, the process of sharing one’s experiences and vulnerabilities with others creates a powerful sense of belonging and understanding. As Misha notes, “When you’re in a treatment program or in meetings or anything like that, the biggest part of it is your connection with other people and talking and allowing people to understand you and allowing yourself to be understood and to understand others.” This reciprocal exchange dismantles the isolating effects of addiction.

Allowing oneself to be vulnerable and to trust others—even when the instinct is to keep walls up—is a challenging but profoundly rewarding step. Misha’s realization that “I was worthy or could be cared about by someone that wasn’t necessarily related to me” speaks to the transformative power of genuine connection. It provides a safe space where individuals can be heard without judgment, receive support, and learn from the experiences of others who have walked a similar path.

4. Embracing the Journey: There Is No Top to the Mountain

Recovery is not a destination but an ongoing process of growth and self-discovery. A profound lesson Misha learned, a phrase commonly used in recovery meetings, is “there is no top to the mountain.” This metaphor beautifully encapsulates the idea that progress is continuous, and there’s always room for further development and improved well-being. It also highlights the importance of embracing all emotions, both good and bad, rather than seeking to escape them.

Addiction often serves as a coping mechanism, a way to numb uncomfortable feelings or avoid difficult realities. Misha acknowledges this, stating, “It was so easy to hide behind substance. Have this wall of well, I know I’ll feel this way if I take this. And that’s predictable, and that’s less scary than not knowing how I’ll feel if I have nothing to hide behind.” The perceived predictability of substance-induced states, even if negative, can feel safer than the unpredictable landscape of raw human emotion.

However, true healing involves dismantling this wall and allowing oneself to experience the full spectrum of life. “There’s such a depth to life and existence, whether for good or for bad, that if you allow yourself to feel those things, things can get so much better.” This willingness to experience discomfort, to sit with difficult emotions without resorting to substances, is a cornerstone of lasting recovery. It’s a risk, as Misha notes, to “experience things in a sober way,” but it is “definitely worth it.” This continuous journey of self-exploration and emotional engagement leads to a richer, more authentic life.

5. The Sweet Rewards: A Life Transformed

Life in recovery, while not without its challenges, offers a profound sense of liberation and a richness that was unattainable during active addiction. One of the most significant changes Misha highlights is the “depth to the happiness that I feel that is so much better, uh, than when I was using stimulants.” This genuine, unadulterated joy is a stark contrast to the fleeting, chemically induced highs of addiction. Beyond emotional well-being, the physical benefits are undeniable: “I can sleep and I can eat, and I don’t feel like my skin’s too tight all the time.” These basic human comforts, once sacrificed to addiction, become cherished aspects of a healthy life.

Perhaps the most impactful transformation is in the realm of relationships. Addiction often creates a web of lies and deceit, straining connections with loved ones. Misha describes the immense relief of being able to have “meaningful relationships with people, especially my family and people that I’m close to that aren’t built on this kind of web of lies.” The burden of secrecy is lifted, allowing for honesty, trust, and authentic connection to flourish. This renewed ability to engage in healthy, honest relationships is a powerful motivator for continued recovery.

6. Holding On: Advice for Those in the Midst of Struggle

For those currently grappling with the depths of addiction or depression, Misha’s advice is clear and compassionate: “Just keep going. It is so awful. And in the worst parts of addiction or depression it can feel like, well, there is, I felt everything there is to feel, there’s no way this could get better.” This feeling of hopelessness is a common trap, a narrative spun by the addiction itself.

Misha urges individuals to challenge this destructive internal voice: “You just have to ignore that part of you that’s telling you that there’s no point trying or that you’re stupid for trying, or you might as well give up. Um, ’cause it’s not true. That’s your addiction. That’s, that’s, that’s not you talking.” This crucial distinction between the authentic self and the manipulative voice of addiction is empowering.

The path to recovery is walked one step at a time, sometimes even one minute at a time. Whether it’s “getting outta bed or just not doing drugs for 30 minutes,” each small victory contributes to forward momentum. The message is one of unwavering hope: “I promise there is an end, there’s another side to this bridge. Um, and it is so, so much better, but it is so hard to get there.” This acknowledges the difficulty but emphasizes the ultimate reward. Finding something to believe in, whether it’s a person, a higher power, or the inherent human capacity for healing, can provide the necessary strength to persevere.

7. Taking the Leap: For Those on the Fence

The decision to embark on a recovery journey can be daunting, often leaving individuals “on the fence.” Misha offers a powerful reframe: if you’re on the fence, “you are not actually on the fence, you’ve already decided that you do wanna start recovering. It’s just scary to admit that or even begin those steps.” This perspective suggests that the internal contemplation itself is an indication of a readiness for change, even if fear holds one back.

When daily life is compromised by substance use—affecting health, relationships, or work—to the point of unmanageability, it’s a clear signal that something needs to change. Misha uses the proverb, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. And the second best time is today.” This timeless wisdom emphasizes that there’s no perfect moment to begin, only the present. There’s no need for elaborate preparations or practice; the journey can start now.

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Depression and Recovery: Sabra’s 7 Ways to Find Your Path to Feeling Good

Battling depression can feel like being stuck in a deep pit with no way out. The weight of sadness, lack of energy, and loss of interest in life can be overwhelming, making even simple daily tasks feel impossible. But what if there were not just one, but many paths to finding your way back to feeling good?

In a recent episode of the Giving Voice to Mental Health Podcast by Recovery.com, Sabra, a woman navigating career transitions and significant grief, shared her powerful journey through depression and recovery. Her story highlights a crucial message: options are beautiful, and not having options can be dangerous.

Sabra’s experience underscores the multifaceted nature of depression and the importance of a personalized approach to healing. From navigating seasonal affective disorder and deep depressive episodes to exploring different medications and ultimately finding profound relief through ketamine treatment, her story is a testament to resilience and the evolving landscape of mental health care.

1. Recognizing the Nuances of Depression

Depression isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. It can manifest in various forms, from persistent low-grade sadness to severe, debilitating episodes. Sabra’s narrative beautifully illustrates this spectrum. She openly discussed her diagnosis of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a type of depression linked to changes in seasons, typically in winter. However, she also spoke of “deep depressions” triggered by significant life events, such as a traumatic divorce, a devastating breakup, and the compounding grief of losing her father and beloved dog.

For Sabra, a self-proclaimed “type A person, artist who has hustled and worked and been doing all of the things all of the time,” depression brought her to a jarring halt. She describes it as slowing her down, making her feel like “nothing is functioning.” Even when she appeared “normal” to others, internally, she felt a profound loss of energy, passion, and drive.

“It may look normal, but it’s not your normal,” she powerfully stated, emphasizing the internal struggle that often goes unseen. This highlights a critical aspect of depression: its impact is often deeply personal and may not always be evident to those around you. Recognizing this internal disparity is a vital first step toward seeking help.

Life throws curveballs, and for individuals prone to depression, these curveballs can act as powerful triggers. Sabra’s story is a prime example. The end of a challenging marriage, a subsequent heartbreak, and then the successive losses of her father and dog plunged her into deep depressive states. These external factors exacerbated her underlying tendencies toward depression and SAD.

“I knew that there were other factors involved, like having tried a few different medications within the year and that they didn’t work. And just being triggered more and saying, yeah, this is more than just grief. This is uncontrollable grief, this is depression,” Sabra recounted.

Recognizing triggers is an essential part of managing mental health. Whether it’s seasonal changes, significant life stressors, relationship difficulties, or grief, understanding what might precipitate a depressive episode allows for proactive strategies and seeking support before symptoms become overwhelming. It’s about understanding that while grief is a natural response to loss, when it becomes “uncontrollable” and leads to a significant decline in functioning, it may have transitioned into depression.

3. The Journey Through Different Treatment Paths

The path to recovery is rarely linear, and Sabra’s experience with various treatments perfectly illustrates this. Her initial attempts with traditional antidepressants, Zoloft and Lexapro, yielded mixed results. While they offered some support, the side effects and lack of significant improvement led her to discontinue them. This highlights a common reality: finding the right medication and dosage often requires patience and collaboration with a healthcare provider.

Sabra’s candidness about the challenges she faced with these medications—sleep disturbances, headaches, and a general feeling of not receiving enough support—is a crucial reminder that not every treatment works for everyone, and it’s okay to advocate for yourself and explore alternatives.

“I did not respond well to the Zoloft. I didn’t sleep well. I had headaches all the time. It was making me very unhappy and uncomfortable. And so that was not the right thing,” she explained.

Explore treatment options for depression.

4. Embracing Novel and Emerging Treatments: Ketamine

When traditional approaches weren’t providing the relief she desperately needed, Sabra was introduced to ketamine treatment through a friend who is an ER doctor and co-owns a ketamine clinic. This marked a significant turning point in her recovery journey. Despite her initial fear and unfamiliarity with psychedelic drugs, the structured, clinical setting and the presence of a supportive nurse helped alleviate her anxieties.

Ketamine-assisted therapy is an emerging treatment for severe depression, PTSD, and other mental health conditions, often used when other treatments haven’t been effective. Administered in a controlled environment, it can rapidly reduce depressive symptoms and offer a new perspective for individuals struggling with persistent mental health challenges.

“She said, it’s okay to cry. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just experience what you can and I’ll be right here with you the whole time,” Sabra shared about her nurse, highlighting the compassionate support that made a difference.

After six sessions of ketamine treatment, Sabra experienced a profound shift. Less than a month later, she was “smiling and laughing and telling the story and out and about and feeling great.” While she still grieves her dog, the debilitating depression that consumed her had lifted.

This transformative experience underscores the importance of staying open to evidence-based, newer interventions when conventional methods fall short. It’s a reminder that the landscape of mental health treatment is continually evolving, offering new avenues for healing and recovery.

5. The Power of Community and Support

Beyond formal treatments, Sabra emphasized the critical role of community and support in her recovery. Her best friend, who advocated for ketamine treatment and provided a vital connection, played a significant role in her journey. Having someone who could see her suffering and offer a concrete solution was invaluable, especially when Sabra felt too overwhelmed to seek help herself.

“My best friend is married to an ER doctor and they own a ketamine clinic here in town, and she had been telling me, I wish you hadn’t gone on those antidepressants. I really think the ketamine would help,” Sabra explained, showing the pivotal role her friend played.

This highlights a universal truth in mental health recovery: you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether it’s friends, family, support groups, or peer communities, having a network of people who understand and care can make a profound difference. As the podcast hosts discussed, mental health challenges can be incredibly isolating, and having someone simply listen without judgment can be a powerful form of healing.

“When we can just listen, that alone can be like a treatment. That alone is one of the things that helps us get through, get past or find a little bit of peace in whatever pit we happened to be stuck in at the time,” one reflected.

6. The Evolving Nature of Recovery and Self-Compassion

Recovery from depression isn’t a destination; it’s an ongoing journey. As Sabra and the hosts discussed, what works today might not be what’s needed a year from now. Our needs change, and so too should our approach to mental well-being. This calls for a flexible mindset and a willingness to continually reassess and adapt our coping mechanisms and treatment strategies.

The idea that “all of those things that maybe felt like they didn’t work, they were leading us somewhere,” is a powerful perspective. Each attempted treatment, even if seemingly unsuccessful, provides valuable information and nudges us closer to what does work. It’s about building a comprehensive toolkit of strategies and resources rather than relying on a single “fix.”

Furthermore, self-compassion is key. Depression often comes with intense self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy. Sabra, as a “type A” individual, struggled with feeling “substandard” when her energy and drive diminished. Learning to extend grace to oneself during these challenging periods is vital for healing.

7. The Importance of Options and Accessible Resources

Perhaps the most resonant takeaway from Sabra’s story is the profound importance of having options and access to resources. When depression takes hold, the ability to seek out and evaluate different pathways to healing can be severely impaired. This is where comprehensive, accessible resources like Recovery.com become invaluable.

“I think to know that there are many options, but you have to find the one that works for you because there’s not one right solution and it might be a multitude of things,” Sabra wisely advised.

A platform that allows individuals to explore various treatment modalities, filter by location, insurance, and specific conditions, can significantly reduce the barrier to seeking help. When someone is at their lowest, the thought of navigating complex healthcare systems can be overwhelming. A streamlined resource that presents available options empowers individuals to take that crucial first step.

“Because having options is a lot better than not having any options,” the hosts concluded, summarizing the core message of Sabra’s empowering narrative.

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Riley Whelan’s Alcohol Addiction Journey: 7 Ways “Uniquely Broken” Led to Lasting Recovery

The journey to sobriety is often paved with isolation, shame, and the daunting belief that one’s struggles are singular and insurmountable. Yet, as Riley Whelan, a prominent TikTok creator and sober advocate, eloquently shares on Recoverycast, the path to healing often begins with the liberating realization that you are not, in fact, “uniquely broken.” Her candid account of battling ADHD, addiction, and relapse offers a powerful narrative of resilience, highlighting the transformative power of self-acceptance, community, and professional support.

1. The Genesis of a Problem: Early Exposure and Self-Medication

Riley’s story begins in Louisville, Kentucky, a place where, as she describes, drinking at a young age was “very normal.” Starting at 13, her initial encounters with alcohol were seemingly innocent—a means to “fit in, have fun,” and emulate what she perceived as normalcy. However, even from the outset, her consumption patterns diverged significantly from her peers. “I never drank normally,” she recalls, “like the first time I ever drank it was in excess and I don’t even really remember that much of it, but I knew that I wanted to keep doing it.”

This early immersion quickly escalated. By high school, drinking became the anticipated weekend ritual, and marijuana entered the picture as a daily “maintenance” tool. What started as a desire for connection subtly transformed into a dependence, an unconscious attempt to fill a void. Riley later identified this void as stemming from undiagnosed depression and anxiety, coupled with ADHD. The substances, particularly marijuana, served as a crude form of self-medication, quieting the relentless noise of her mind and offering a fleeting sense of calm.

Explore treatment options for depression, anxiety, and ADHD.

2. The Illusion of Control: The Isolation of a Secret Battle

As her substance use progressed, so did its insidious grip, fostering a profound sense of isolation. While early use involved social settings, Riley increasingly preferred to use alone, retreating into a private world fueled by addiction. This solitary consumption further cemented the belief that her struggles were unique, a secret burden she carried. “Those things really isolated me too,” she reflects. “Like just from the world in general. I thought I was uniquely, I thought I was unique…Uniquely broken. Yeah…and it just turns out I was an alcoholic and it’s okay.”

This feeling of being “uniquely broken” is a common thread among those battling addiction. The shame and stigma associated with substance use often prevent individuals from seeking help or even acknowledging their struggles to others. This internal battle can exacerbate mental health symptoms, creating a vicious cycle. The inability to articulate or even recognize these feelings at a young age, as Riley explains, further compounded her isolation. She “had no idea what I was experiencing,” only that it was “unsettling.”

3. The Family Dynamic: Unintended Enabling and the “Playbook” of Discipline

Riley’s high school years were marked by escalating challenges, as her family grappled with her increasingly concerning behaviors. Despite her parents’ love and efforts, their approach to her substance use largely followed a traditional “playbook” of discipline rather than open dialogue about underlying issues. “It was never, and like, this is no, no shade to like my parents or anything because I have no idea what it’s like to be a parent to me,” Riley clarifies, acknowledging the difficulty of parenting an adolescent struggling with addiction.

She describes how her parents’ response was primarily disciplinary – “if you get caught drinking when we catch you drinking, when they would catch me drinking, it was like, you’re grounded. Like, we don’t even understand. We don’t know why you’re doing this.” This common parental response, while well-intentioned, often falls short in addressing the complex nature of addiction, especially when coupled with a genetic predisposition. Alcoholism ran on both sides of Riley’s family, a crucial factor that often goes unaddressed in early interventions.

4. The Geographical Cure: A Cross-Country Illusion

By her early twenties, Riley’s life was spiraling. Kicked out of her parents’ home and facing eviction, she impulsively embarked on a cross-country journey to California, driven by the misguided belief that a change of scenery would solve her problems. “I told myself if I just made a geographical change that I… don’t think I’m the only person that’s ever like fall fallen victim to that,” she admits. This phenomenon, often termed the “geographical cure,” is a common, yet ultimately ineffective, coping mechanism for individuals struggling with addiction. The underlying issues that fuel addiction are internal, and simply changing one’s environment rarely addresses them.

Her time in California, coinciding with the onset of COVID-19, only exacerbated her addiction. “Things did not get better. They got worse,” she states, emphasizing that addiction, like a shadow, follows wherever one goes. This period was marked by increasingly reckless behavior and a growing dependence on alcohol, further isolating her from her family, with whom she had minimal contact, primarily reaching out only “when I needed something.”

Explore treatment options for alcohol addiction.

5. The Turning Point: Rock Bottom and the Call for Help

The illusion of the “geographical cure” shattered when Riley, after six and a half months in California, was gently nudged back to Kentucky. Stripped of distractions and in constant confrontation with her addiction, she hit rock bottom. “I was like in survival mode. And it was just me and my alcoholism,” she recalls. The pain became unbearable, a daily yearning “just wishing the pain would go away.”

The true catalyst for change came from her sisters, who confronted her with a heartbreaking truth: “we love you so much, but this is, this is like not our sister that we know… we have looked up to you our whole lives and this is what you’ve become.” This raw honesty, delivered by those she held dearest, penetrated the denial and shame, finally breaking through her resistance. At this point, she was “willing to do whatever was necessary” to get help, marking a crucial shift from unwilling participant to active seeker of recovery. This willingness, as Riley emphasizes, is paramount. Even with all the facts and support, true change only occurs when the individual is ready.

6. Entering Treatment: The Reality of Recovery, Not a “Normal Drinker”

Riley’s first foray into treatment was born out of desperation and a fundamental misunderstanding of what recovery entailed. Still under the influence upon arrival, she harbored the misconception that treatment would teach her “how to drink better.” This highlights a common initial expectation among those entering recovery – the desire to control their substance use rather than abstain entirely.

However, treatment quickly dispelled this illusion. It was the first time she truly confronted the definition of alcoholism and recognized herself in every symptom. “I had such an idea, locked in idea of what I thought an alcoholic was. That was like an older adult who had lost everything… and I thought I was way too young to be an alcoholic.” This self-realization, coupled with exposure to other individuals in recovery, proved to be a profound turning point. Connecting with others who shared similar experiences, even those much older, fostered a sense of belonging and dissolved the intense isolation she had felt. “It was cathartic,” she explains. “Because I had never, I had not grown up with anybody that I knew, or that I felt like experienced what I experienced and only it, it only an alcoholic can really get through to another alcoholic.”

This shared experience in a supportive environment, as she points out, is crucial for breaking down the shame and self-blame that often accompany addiction. Seeing others who had engaged in similar behaviors but were now getting healthy provided a powerful sense of hope and validation.

7. The Enduring Truth: “It Gets Better”

Riley’s most poignant piece of advice, shared at the beginning of her interview, encapsulates the essence of her journey: “It gets better.” This simple yet profound statement, while initially seeming generic, has been undeniably proven true throughout her sobriety. For her younger self, struggling with unidentifiable anxieties and a pervasive feeling of being “less than,” such a concept would have been incomprehensible. But through the arduous process of confronting her addiction, seeking help, and building a life in recovery, the meaning of “better” has become tangible.

Her story is a testament to the fact that addiction is a complex disease, not a moral failing. Recognizing this distinction is fundamental to fostering self-compassion and seeking appropriate care. While the path to recovery is often messy and challenging, it is undeniably “beautiful, and absolutely worth it.” The journey out of isolation and into a supportive community is not only possible but essential.

Riley’s advocacy, through her TikTok platform, now helps countless others navigate their own journeys, offering a vibrant voice of hope and reminding everyone that “none of us have to do it alone.” If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, remember Riley’s words: “It really does get better.” Help is available, and finding the right support can make all the difference.

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Beyond the Game: How Montee Ball Found Purpose in Recovery After the Roar of the Crowd

The intoxicating roar of a stadium, the adrenaline of competition, the unwavering devotion of fans — for many athletes, this is the pinnacle of existence. Yet, what happens when the cheers fade, the spotlight dims, and a different kind of silence sets in? For Montee Ball, a former NFL running back and Wisconsin Badger legend, the transition from gridiron glory to everyday life brought with it unexpected challenges, particularly a burgeoning struggle with alcohol. His story offers a powerful glimpse into the psychological and emotional landscape of athletes grappling with identity, purpose, and the unforeseen chemical dependencies that can emerge when the high of the game is no longer a constant.

“When you have 80, 90,000 people screaming your name and that high that you get,” Ball reflects, “that’s not gonna be forever.” This profound truth underscores a critical, often overlooked aspect of athletic careers: the intense dopamine rush and the unique chemical dependencies that can develop from sustained high-performance environments. When these external sources of validation and excitement are removed, individuals may find themselves adrift, seeking familiar highs in unhealthy ways. For Ball, this void was filled by alcohol, which he initially believed would “help me loosen up, something that would help me to get that high again.”

Understanding the Athlete’s High: Dopamine and the Desire for More

The life of a high-level athlete is characterized by intense physical exertion, rigorous training, and moments of profound triumph. These experiences trigger significant releases of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, motivation, and reward. For athletes like Montee Ball, the constant pursuit of victory and the adulation of thousands of fans create a unique neurological landscape. The brain becomes accustomed to these heightened levels of dopamine, and when the external stimuli (the game, the crowd) are removed, a chemical void can emerge.

This isn’t merely about missing the thrill; it’s a physiological adjustment. The brain, seeking to restore its accustomed levels of dopamine, may drive individuals towards other sources of intense pleasure, whether that be substance use, gambling, or other high-risk behaviors. As Ball eloquently puts it, “How are you going to manage these chemical dependencies that are gonna come about, of course, right? With this release of dopamine, these happy hormones, like how are you going to manage that as well? Because that’s not gonna be forever.” This highlights a critical need for proactive preparation and education for athletes, recognizing that their brains are being conditioned in unique ways by their profession.

The Influence of Culture: When Partying Becomes the Norm

Montee Ball’s collegiate experience at the University of Wisconsin-Madison vividly illustrates how environmental factors can contribute to the development of substance use issues. Madison, known for its vibrant football culture and enthusiastic tailgating, presented a stark “cultural shock” for Ball, who hailed from a smaller town in Missouri. The pervasive drinking culture, where early morning celebrations extend late into the night, created an environment where excessive alcohol consumption was not just tolerated but often celebrated.

“Football is really gassed up around here… we really enjoy like football, tailgates, UW Badgers, but like we also kind of reward the, like, starting drinking at like 8:00 AM and going until 3:00 AM,” notes the Recoverycast co-host. This normalization of heavy drinking, coupled with the pedestalized status of athletes, can create a dangerous illusion. When an athlete is viewed as a “poster child” and given preferential treatment, it can be incredibly difficult to recognize and address a developing problem. The constant adulation and access to social settings where drinking is central can obscure the line between recreational use and dependency. This environment, while seemingly celebratory, can inadvertently foster unhealthy coping mechanisms.

The Weight of Expectations: Societal, Familial, and Personal Pressures

Beyond the cultural backdrop, athletes often face immense pressure from various sources. Societal expectations demand peak performance and an idealized public image. Familial pressures can involve upholding a legacy or providing financial support. For Montee Ball, being a “poster child for a wonderful football club” meant constantly striving for perfection, both on and off the field. These pressures, combined with the physical toll of the sport, can create a breeding ground for depression and anxiety.

Ball admits, “I was not prepared for these pressures that were coming along. And of course, alcohol was there for my cure as I believed.” This underscores a common pattern: when individuals lack healthy coping mechanisms for stress and emotional distress, they may turn to substances as a perceived solution. Alcohol, in this context, becomes a temporary escape from the weight of expectations, offering a fleeting sense of relief or emotional numbness. This reliance, however, only serves to deepen the underlying issues.

The Stigma of Silence: Why Athletes Don’t Ask for Help

One of the most significant barriers to recovery for athletes is the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health and substance use. The “macho” culture often prevalent in sports discourages vulnerability and the expression of emotions. Athletes are conditioned to project an image of strength, resilience, and invincibility. Admitting to a struggle, whether with mental health or addiction, can feel like a sign of weakness, potentially jeopardizing their career, reputation, or standing within their team.

Ball describes his internal struggle when a coach and teammate asked if he was struggling: “I do wish that I, you know, felt empowered to say that I’m struggling, that I need help, that I, I would love a little bit of advice.” The fear of being perceived as less capable or of losing one’s position on the team can lead to silence and denial. This stigma, as Ball notes, is “still quite the monster that’s keeping a lot of people silent… keeping the snowball going.” The perception that showing weakness will lead to negative consequences often outweighs the desperate need for support. This is particularly true for athletes, where their livelihood and identity are so intertwined with their physical and mental fortitude.

The Illusion of Connection: Feeling Alone in a Crowd

Despite being surrounded by thousands of cheering fans and a constant entourage of teammates and friends, athletes can experience profound feelings of isolation and loneliness. This paradox is a common theme in the stories of those grappling with mental health challenges and addiction. Montee Ball vividly articulates this feeling: “I can guarantee you that Chris [Farley’s brother] probably shared with you that there are many moments in his life where he had multiple bodies around him that knew him and that were calling him a friend, but he had no idea who they truly were.”

The superficiality of these relationships, often transactional and dependent on the athlete’s performance or status, leaves a deep emotional void. The constant need to “put on this act” and maintain a public persona can prevent genuine connection and vulnerability. The co-host shares a similar experience: “There is nothing scarier than being surrounded by people and feeling like you wanna cry because you’re, I’ve never felt so alone right now.” This intense emotional pain drives individuals to seek solace in external sources, often exacerbating the problem.

The Generational Gap: Learning to Open the Door to Emotions

Montee Ball’s upbringing in a “very wonderful household” with “very stoic” parents highlights a generational pattern in emotional expression. Many individuals, particularly men, grow up in environments where talking about feelings is not actively encouraged or modeled. Ball describes this experience: “No one locked the door, but nobody showed me how to open it. Or told me that it there was an option to open this door.” This lack of emotional literacy can lead to internalization of struggles, making it difficult to process complex emotions and seek help.

This “father playbook,” as one host describes it, often passes down a stoic approach to life that may no longer be applicable in modern society. When individuals are not equipped with the tools to navigate their emotional landscape, they become susceptible to self-sabotage and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Breaking this generational cycle requires conscious effort to create spaces for vulnerability and to teach emotional intelligence.

Hitting Rock Bottom: The Catalyst for Change

For many, the journey to recovery begins with a profound low point, a moment of reckoning that forces a re-evaluation of one’s life. For Montee Ball, this came in February 2016, when he landed in jail after a period of heavy intoxication and unkind behavior towards those around him. The irony of watching the Broncos win the Super Bowl from a jail cell, just months after being released by the team, served as a painful yet powerful catalyst.

“There was so much built up anger,” Ball recalls, reflecting on the experience. While undoubtedly a difficult period, he acknowledges it was “one that I needed for sure.” This moment of profound loss and humiliation forced him to confront the consequences of his actions and the depth of his addiction. It stripped away the last vestiges of his old identity and opened the door to a new path.

The Power of New Beginnings: Fatherhood as a Turning Point

While rock bottom can be a powerful motivator, the sustained commitment to recovery often stems from a deeper sense of purpose. For Montee Ball, the unexpected news of his son’s impending birth, just two weeks after his release from jail, served as a profound turning point. “When he was born, of course it was a, I will never touch this bottle again… He will never experience or ever see a drunk dad.”

This powerful resolve, fueled by the desire to be a present and healthy father, provided a compelling reason to embrace the arduous journey of recovery. While the initial spark came from his son, Ball emphasizes a crucial truth of recovery: “You have to do it for yourself first. You deserve it first more than anyone.” This highlights the dual nature of motivation in recovery: external motivators can initiate the process, but sustained recovery requires an internal commitment to self-worth and healing.

The Work of Recovery: Therapy, Meditation, and Self-Reflection

Recovery is not a passive process; it demands consistent effort and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. Montee Ball fully embraced this commitment, opting for intensive outpatient treatments and individual therapy, accumulating “over a hundred plus hours of therapy.” His journey of self-discovery led him to invaluable tools for managing his impulses and finding inner peace.

One of the key takeaways for Ball was the practice of meditation, not in the stereotypical sense, but as a deliberate act of creating “a space for yourself… to self-reflect.” For someone who described himself as “such an impulsive human being prior to even drinking,” learning to “widen that space before you respond” was transformative. This practice of pausing, reflecting, and choosing a thoughtful response rather than reacting impulsively is a cornerstone of emotional regulation and personal growth.

Therapy, for Ball, was not solely about addressing alcohol use; it was about confronting underlying issues, particularly his “relationship with yourself.” This often overlooked aspect of healing is crucial. While substance use disorder may manifest with outward symptoms, the deeper work involves addressing the emotional and psychological roots of the problem. As one host notes, “You can heal the body from substance use disorder, but to heal the soul… from with the mental health of it, that’s a different animal altogether.”

Breaking Down Barriers: The Need for Diverse Therapists

Montee Ball’s experience highlights a critical disparity in mental healthcare: the lack of black and brown therapists. When he sought professional help, he initially looked for a therapist he could “somewhat relate to on… the cultural aspect” but struggled to find one. This underscores the importance of cultural competence in therapy. Individuals from marginalized communities may face additional hurdles in seeking help due to historical mistrust, cultural norms, and a lack of therapists who understand their unique experiences.

“We need more black therapists, black and brown therapists,” Ball asserts. This call for increased diversity in the mental health profession is vital to ensuring that individuals from all backgrounds feel comfortable and understood when seeking support. When therapists share similar lived experiences, it can foster a deeper sense of trust and facilitate more effective healing.

Redefining Identity and Finding Purpose Beyond the Game

Montee Ball’s journey is a powerful testament to the possibility of redefining identity and finding purpose beyond a singular, celebrated role. His willingness to speak openly about his struggles with alcoholism and mental health, transforming his platform into a force for good, demonstrates a profound shift in priorities. He now travels the country speaking to students, athletes, and communities, advocating for vulnerability, seeking help, and choosing a new path.

This transition from athlete to advocate is not merely a career change; it’s a redefinition of self. The “inner reflection” and “peace” found through therapy and self-work enabled him to “give up one identity to get to the next place.” This new identity is rooted in authenticity, service, and a deeper understanding of self. It exemplifies the transformative power of recovery and the potential for individuals to leverage their past experiences to inspire and uplift others.

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Saad’s 7 Steps to Starting Your Mental Health and Wellness Recovery Journey

Saad’s powerful story of overcoming significant health challenges and transforming his life offers a beacon of hope for anyone facing similar struggles. His journey, marked by weight gain, injury, mental health issues, and job loss, led him to a profound realization: recovery is possible through a combination of inner faith, practical action, and a shift in perspective.

Saad vividly recalls his lowest point: “I completely hit the rock bottom…I started hating my body the way I looked. I hid behind those baggy clothes, always trying to cover your area of your, you know, belly avoiding mirrors. Fear of confrontation of your to yourself had very low self-esteem.” This feeling of despair and self-loathing is a common experience for many who find themselves struggling with their physical and mental well-being. However, Saad’s story underscores that this “rock bottom” can also be the catalyst for profound change.

1. Shift Your Mindset and Perspective

Saad emphasizes the crucial role of changing his mentality. He realized that his previous approach of self-punishment through extreme diets was unsustainable. Instead, he focused on understanding his body’s needs and cues. This shift in perspective is fundamental to long-term recovery. Instead of viewing lifestyle changes as restrictive punishments, consider them acts of self-care and investment in your well-being. Recognize that recovery isn’t about perfection, but about progress with self-compassion.

2. Take Practical, Sustainable Actions

Saad didn’t just rely on a change in mindset; he took concrete steps to improve various aspects of his life. He focused on nutrition, sleep, emotional health, exercise, movement, and mobility – all factors that contribute to functional metabolism and long-term health. This holistic approach is vital. Recovery isn’t just about addressing one symptom; it’s about nurturing your overall well-being through consistent, sustainable habits. Consider incorporating small, manageable changes into your daily routine, such as a short walk, a healthier meal, or a few minutes of mindfulness.

3. Listen to Your Body’s Cues

One of Saad’s key learnings was the importance of listening to his body. He moved away from rigid rules about “good” and “bad” foods and instead focused on mindful eating and understanding his body’s signals of hunger and fullness. Developing this awareness is crucial for sustainable health and well-being. Pay attention to how different foods make you feel, notice when you feel truly rested, and acknowledge any discomfort or pain signals your body might be sending.

4. Find Your “Why” and Cultivate Purpose

Saad found motivation in wanting to help his family and others. Helping his mother reverse her type 2 diabetes fueled his passion and provided a strong sense of purpose. Having a clear “why” can be a powerful driving force in your recovery journey. What motivates you to change? Is it your health, your relationships, your aspirations? Connecting with this purpose can provide the resilience needed to navigate challenges.

5. Embrace Learning and Seek Knowledge

Saad’s journey involved extensive learning about functional metabolism, clinical research, and health and wellness coaching. While you don’t need to become a certified expert, actively seeking knowledge about mental health, nutrition, and well-being can empower you to make informed decisions about your recovery. Explore Recovery.com’s Resource Library to gain a better understanding of your challenges and potential solutions.

6. Understand That Shame and Isolation Are Harmful

Saad’s powerful statement, “shame and isolation are more harmful than food,” highlights the detrimental impact of negative self-talk and social withdrawal. Shame can erode self-esteem and hinder progress, while isolation deprives you of crucial social support. Be kind to yourself, practice self-compassion, and actively seek connection with supportive individuals. Consider exploring support groups or therapy as avenues for reducing isolation and processing difficult emotions. Recovery.com can help you find treatment centers and support networks.

7. Ask for Help and Break Free from Ego

Saad emphasizes the importance of asking for help when needed. “No matter how far gone you feel, there is always a solution out there. You just have to ask for help when you need to ask. Do ask. Don’t get that ego in the middle. Don’t hold yourself back.” Overcoming the fear of vulnerability and reaching out to trusted individuals, professionals, or support systems is a sign of strength, not weakness. Just as Saad sought guidance, allow yourself to lean on others during your journey.

Saad’s journey is a testament to the power of resilience and the possibility of profound transformation. He reminds us that “you are not broken, just a bit overwhelmed by the situation and the circumstances.” By starting small, taking practical steps, listening to your body, finding your purpose, seeking knowledge, combating shame and isolation, and asking for help, you too can embark on a meaningful and sustainable recovery journey. Remember, as Saad wisely advises, “just start. You’ll be amazed by the capacities your body’s built in. You’ll be amazed on how your mind is capable of what extent it can go to achieve something.”

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Finding Your Red Roof: Bryon’s Journey Towards Hope and Recovery from Alcohol Addiction

Bryon’s story, shared on the Giving Voice to Addiction Podcast by Recovery.com, is a powerful testament to the fact that recovery is possible, no matter how deep the descent into addiction. His journey, marked by a gradual slide into alcohol dependence and a profound moment of clarity, offers invaluable insights for anyone grappling with substance use.

Addiction, as Bryon poignantly illustrates, doesn’t discriminate. It can creep into anyone’s life, often disguised as a harmless way to unwind, before tightening its grip. But within the darkness of addiction lies the potential for a powerful rebirth, a “phoenix rising” as Bryon describes it, towards a life filled with hope and sobriety.

The Subtle Inception of Dependence

Bryon’s relationship with alcohol began innocuously. In his words, “It was my friend for a long time.” His early experiences in the military involved partying, but it wasn’t until later in life, during a seemingly prosperous period, that alcohol began to take a more central role. The casual evening drink gradually increased in frequency and strength.

As Bryon reflects, “There was nothing intentional. And most alcoholics will say it starts fun. It was fun. So a way to wind down the day.” This highlights a crucial aspect of addiction: it often begins subtly, masked as a social lubricant or a way to relieve stress, making it easy to overlook the gradual shift towards dependence.

The Turning Point: When “Fun” Turns to Necessity

The dynamic shifted significantly for Bryon after his divorce and during a stressful real estate deal. He recounts, “It was just this constant struggle to try to stay ahead of this property before I went bankrupt… Anyway, so there happens to be a liquor store on the way there, so me and this other guy would get in there in the morning and he’d have his Diet Coke and fill it up and I have my Diet Coke and fill it up. And that was the beginning of the day drinking.” This marked a critical transition from recreational use to a daily necessity, a coping mechanism to navigate overwhelming stress.

The “Soft Landing” That Was Anything But

Bryon describes his experience as a “soft landing,” contrasting it with the more outwardly destructive paths of some other alcoholics. However, his personal account reveals the profound impact of his drinking. He lost track of days, culminating in a terrifying incident where police officers conducted a welfare check, finding him with a blood alcohol level of 0.38.

“I woke up one time and I had six police officers around me… My blood alcohol was uh, 0.38. So, I mean, I was, 38% of my blood was alcohol. How much more of that could I have tolerated? I don’t think very much.” This stark reality underscores that even without overt legal consequences, the internal and personal devastation of alcoholism is immense.

The Downward Spiral and the Need for Intervention

Bryon vividly describes the insidious nature of addiction: “With an alcoholic, you just I, I just slid down this path where every time I would be afraid, afraid I would just have a drink. And then I’d have 2 drinks and I’d have 5 drinks, and then I don’t have to think about it at all. So you just continue sliding down and down. And then at the end of the day. I can break my shoelace and I just wanna go drink ’cause that’s the only tool that I have left.” This illustrates the progressive isolation and reliance on alcohol as the sole means of navigating life, emphasizing the importance of breaking this cycle.

Recognizing the Need for Change

For Bryon, the realization that he had a drinking problem came relatively quickly. “So I realized within about only about 4 or 5 years that I immediately decided I had a drinking problem and I went immediately and got in, involved in that and made the decision to stop drinking.” This swift recognition, though not always the case for everyone, was a pivotal step in his journey towards recovery.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

The Power of a Personal “Red Roof”

Bryon’s story takes a profound turn when he describes 2 pivotal moments that solidified his desire for sobriety. The first was a seemingly divine experience while driving, hearing the words, “So you want to see a miracle?” followed by the breathtaking beauty of a valley.

The second, and perhaps more relatable, was the overwhelming exhaustion during a hike in the Grand Canyon, followed by an unexpected surge of energy and hope upon seeing the “red roof” of the welcome center. “I stepped up and I looked over the top. I could see the red roof of the welcome center where we started. And in that moment I felt, I felt hope… That to me was how this moment was. It was like for whatever reason, I felt I could do it. I could walk because I had hope.” This “red roof” became a powerful metaphor for a tangible goal, a beacon of hope that propelled him forward.

The Nature of Hope in Recovery

Bryon beautifully articulates the role of hope in overcoming addiction: “That’s what alcoholism is. I mean, you’re, you’re hapless, hopeless, helpless to the next drink, and then for whatever reason, there’s this moment and you can then walk the mile.” This highlights that while addiction can strip away feelings of agency, the re-emergence of hope can be the catalyst for change, providing the strength to embark on the challenging journey of recovery.

Facing Fears and Embracing a New Life

Recovery, as Bryon describes it, is about confronting the underlying issues that fuel the addiction. “Life begins where your, your fear ends. And that’s what that is. I mean, if you’re drinking, you’re drinking to hide from something, whatever that is, and at some moment you’re gonna find the strength and the hope to face whatever it is that’s, that’s making you want to drink.” This process involves an “ascension out of the darkness” towards a “rebirth,” where one learns new, healthy coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges.

Finding Your Own Path to Recovery

Bryon’s experience with seeking help was unique. While he attended AA meetings and found a sponsor, he resisted traditional in-house treatment, driven by a desire for autonomy. “Well, when I ended up going to the VA 2 times, and the second time I went to the VA they kinda had a family meeting and said, well, if you don’t do this…you’re not gonna be able to be around the grandkids… It was like…I’m not doing this. I don’t want this as my life and uh, I can do this myself.” Instead, he focused on self-education, incorporating self-hypnosis, meditation, manifestation, and Stoic philosophy into his recovery.

The Importance of Diverse Treatment Options

Bryon’s story underscores the significance of offering a range of treatment options. As Caroline Beidler points out, resources like Recovery.com provide individuals with the ability to search for specific types of support that resonate with their needs, whether it’s a focus on veterans, a specific location, or particular therapeutic approaches. This personalized approach can be crucial for individuals who may feel resistant to more traditional forms of treatment.

Finding Connection and Shared Experience

Bryon emphasized the value of connecting with others in recovery. “The other thing is you find a group of people that understand who you are and you, you want examples of where you’re going… Just talking to them and sharing their stories and listening to that and having that to look forward to.” Hearing the stories of others who have successfully navigated recovery can provide immense hope and practical guidance.

Filling the Void with Positive Activities

Sobriety often leaves a void that was previously filled by alcohol. Bryon highlights the importance of actively engaging in positive activities to fill this time. “If you drank all the time and then now you don’t drink, you have nothing but time. So you have to fill those things with positives, so you have to decide what you enjoy.” This proactive approach helps to build a fulfilling life in recovery.

Reframing Identity: From “Alcoholic” to “Recovering”

Bryon offers a powerful shift in perspective regarding identity. “My message to everybody who is going through this is number one is don’t define yourself by your alcoholism. Refine yourself with alcoholism… You can one day say, I refined that view and I used to drink. I don’t drink anymore.” This emphasizes that addiction is a part of one’s story, but it doesn’t have to be the defining characteristic. Recovery is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

The Power of Choice

Bryon doesn’t shy away from the stark reality of untreated alcoholism. “See we’re, we have a disease that’s 100% fatal. If you do not address your alcoholism, it’s 100% fatal.” However, he immediately follows this with a message of empowerment: “Once you find control, you have a choice to rebuild your life in any manner that you want… there’s nothing beyond your control. You are not hapless, helpless, or hopeless.” Recovery is a choice, and with support and determination, a fulfilling life is attainable.

The Transformative Power of Sobriety

Bryon’s personal transformation is a beacon of hope. “I’ve made all my money back. I’m a, a successful day trader. I have all my family. Everything’s back.” He acknowledges that this reality seemed unimaginable during his active addiction, emphasizing the profound positive changes that sobriety can bring.

Reaching Out and Finding Your “Red Roof”

Bryon’s final message is one of hope and action. “For those that really want it to be done, you’ll find that point. And then you need to reach out for people like me who are in the AA program or whatever program that you choose, and you go there and you say I’m an alcoholic and I need help. And there are millions of people that will help you. What you have to realize is that there is hope. There is a red roof for you and you have to go and walk to it. And that’s a choice.”

Bryon’s powerful story reminds us that while the journey of addiction can be dark and isolating, recovery is not only possible but can lead to a life beyond what once seemed imaginable. Finding your “red roof,” that personal beacon of hope, and taking the courageous steps towards it, is the key to unlocking a future filled with sobriety and renewed purpose.

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Kate Garn’s 13 Insights on Breaking Free From Hidden Alcoholism

Kate Garn joined Recoverycast to share her powerful journey through the depths of alcohol dependence and her inspiring climb toward sobriety. Her story, filled with raw honesty and vulnerability, sheds light on the often-hidden struggles of functional alcoholism, the impact of postpartum depression, and the transformative power of finding connection in recovery. Kate’s narrative underscores the crucial message that addiction doesn’t always look like the stereotypical image, and that finding a path to a healthier life is possible.

1. The Gradual Descent: From Social Drinking to Coping Mechanism

Kate’s relationship with alcohol began in high school, a seemingly typical experience for many. However, what started as occasional social drinking gradually morphed into a coping mechanism, particularly as she navigated the pressures of young adulthood and the drinking culture prevalent in hair school and the service industry.

“It had just become something that was normal to me,” Kate reflected. “It was routine. I wanted to unwind after work. I wanted to, you know, my body hurt, my mind was exhausted, everything. And I just wanted to numb it.” This highlights how easily social drinking can transition into a reliance on alcohol to manage stress and emotions.

2. Postpartum Depression: A Turning Point Towards Dependence

The arrival of her son brought immense joy, but also an overwhelming wave of postpartum depression, exacerbated by a traumatic birth experience. Kate recounted the harrowing moments after her son’s birth, stating, “I still remember the feeling that I had when he started breathing…” This trauma created significant anxiety and sleep deprivation, leading her to self-medicate with alcohol.

“When I stopped breastfeeding after three months, I started drinking all the time. ’cause I could now. Mm-hmm. You know, and I knew that’s what I had used before to calm me down.” This period marked a significant shift towards using alcohol as a primary way to cope with intense emotional distress. Postpartum depression is a serious condition affecting many new mothers and can significantly increase the risk of substance use as a form of self-treatment1.

Explore depression treatment options.

3. The Illusion of Control: Functional Alcoholism

Despite drinking frequently and heavily, Kate’s struggles weren’t immediately apparent to those around her. Even her ex-husband, who witnessed her drinking firsthand, didn’t recognize the extent of her dependence. “‘I wasn’t hiding it. You know, he was right there. But even he didn’t think she’s an alcoholic. And when I look at it, I’m like, how? How did you guys not think it?'”

This illustrates the phenomenon of functional alcoholism, where individuals maintain their daily responsibilities while still struggling with alcohol dependence. This can make it difficult for loved ones to recognize the problem and for the individual to acknowledge it themselves.

4. The Internal Disconnect: Masking Pain with Performance

Kate astutely pointed out the internal conflict she experienced, feeling the need to present a certain image to the world while battling inner turmoil. Tom Farley agrees, stating “They’re putting out this person that they think the world wants to see or that they need to be. And it’s not real. And you feel that inside this doesn’t, this is not real for me. And so therefore the only way I to deal with that feeling, at least for me, was to, was to drink.”

This resonates with many individuals who use substances to cope with feelings of inadequacy or inauthenticity. The constant performance can be exhausting and isolating, further fueling the cycle of dependence.

5. Hitting Rock Bottom: The Desire to Not Exist

Kate’s journey reached a critical point where she no longer wanted to live with the pain and dependence. “On the day that I stopped drinking, I was, you know, it was a bad place. It was scary and I had struggled for a long time, but I, it had hit its peak.” This moment of despair often serves as a catalyst for change, a stark realization that the current path is unsustainable and life-threatening. The fear of the impact her addiction would have on her son also played a significant role in her decision to seek help.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

6. Seeking a Lifeline: The First AA Meeting

Facing her desperation, Kate took a courageous step and searched for resources. “I knew what you see on tv, AA, or rehab. Like, that’s where my mind went. So that’s what I Googled that morning.” Her discovery of a local AA meeting, particularly an all-women’s meeting, proved to be a pivotal moment. The sense of connection and shared experience she found there was crucial in her early sobriety.

7. The Power of Connection: Finding Common Ground

Walking into that first meeting, Kate had preconceived notions about what it would be like. “For me, when I pictured AA meetings, I didn’t picture a bunch of women like me. I pictured a bunch of women who had lost everything. Homeless, you know, worst case scenario.”

Instead, she found a community of regular women who understood her struggles. “To see and hear what these women had to say really like, struck a chord with me. Like, I was like, wow. They are regular people. Living, you know, life every day. Like a lot of people do. Their stories, some of them very similar to mine.” This sense of belonging and relatability is a cornerstone of successful recovery.

8. Beyond Dry Drunk: Embracing the Steps

Early in her sobriety, Kate described herself as a “dry drunk,” indicating that she had stopped drinking but hadn’t yet addressed the underlying issues fueling her addiction. It wasn’t until she began working the 12 Steps that she started to experience true recovery and healing.

“When I finally got, you know, to the point where I was ready to work the steps, because I think before that I just really wasn’t ready. I couldn’t get myself there. So when I finally started doing that and seeing the benefits of it…” The 12 Steps provide a structured framework for self-reflection, accountability, and spiritual growth, which are vital for long-term sobriety.

9. Finding Motivation: Doing It for Someone Else

While the common advice in recovery is to focus on oneself, Kate found her primary motivation in her son. “‘They say do it for you. I do it for him. I’m second there and I know that’s, you know, everyone’s like, no, it’s you. And it’s like, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. It is healthy for me to think this is for Mac because I didn’t value my own life like that.'” This highlights that the path to recovery can be deeply personal, and finding a strong external motivator can be a powerful initial driving force.

10. The Vulnerability of Sharing: TikTok as a Platform for Connection

Kate’s journey took an unexpected turn when she began sharing her experiences on TikTok. This platform became an outlet for her raw honesty and vulnerability, creating a space for connection with others facing similar challenges. “I’m a vulnerable person. I’m raw, I’m honest. That’s what my TikTok is… I just am who I am.” Her willingness to share her struggles openly has resonated with a large audience, fostering a sense of community and reducing the stigma surrounding addiction.

11. The Power of Unseen Support: “I Love Who You Are Sober”

A poignant moment in Kate’s story was her mother’s heartfelt affirmation during a difficult time in early sobriety. “I was crying, and my mom came over and she was like being super supportive to me and I just told her, you know, I want a drink. And she was like, but I love who you are sober. And it just like I do, I get super emotional when talking about that because it’s like, that just shows me like they have never known me.” This powerful statement underscored the profound difference sobriety had made in Kate’s true self, a self that had been obscured by alcohol for so long.

12. Navigating the Journey: Amends and Self-Compassion

Kate touched upon the challenging aspect of making amends in recovery, acknowledging the difficulty of confronting past actions. She also highlighted the importance of self-compassion, recognizing the progress she has made rather than dwelling solely on past mistakes. “‘Getting sober, you realize so many things about yourself when you get sober.’ ‘Well, it’s about your pain, not theirs.'” This emphasizes the introspective nature of recovery and the need to focus on personal healing.

13. The Misunderstanding of Shame: Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Kate addressed the negative feedback she sometimes receives for being so open about her struggles, with some suggesting she should be ashamed. However, her vulnerability is precisely what allows others to feel less alone. By sharing her truth, Kate is breaking down stigma and offering hope to others on their own recovery journeys.

Kate’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of seeking help and connection. Her journey from functional alcoholism and the depths of postpartum depression to a place of sobriety and open sharing offers a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with addiction. It reminds us that recovery is possible, and that finding a supportive community can make all the difference.