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Navigating Trauma: Jonas’s 7 Ways Treatment Can Transform Your Life

Life can throw unexpected curveballs, leaving us feeling lost, overwhelmed, and disconnected. For many, navigating the aftermath of trauma can feel like an insurmountable challenge, impacting not only their own well-being but also the lives of those around them. Yet, as one individual’s journey illustrates, seeking help can provide a pathway to profound transformation, even when circumstances remain largely the same.

1. Recognizing the Need for Help: The Unseen Struggle

Often, the individuals most in need of support are the last to recognize the depth of their struggle. This was certainly the case for Jonas, who found himself in a chaotic and dark period of his life, grappling with an abusive relationship and the heartbreaking loss of contact with his children. Despite his internal turmoil, it was his sister who ultimately identified the severity of his situation and recommended trauma treatment at InHarmoni Rehab. As Jonas recounts, “I didn’t really understand in what kind of position I was in. Before she told me I needed to go, of course I realized that I was using sleeping pills in order to sleep, and things were going not in the right direction. I could see the signs, but I could not understand it myself.”

This sentiment underscores a critical aspect of mental health: self-awareness can be a significant barrier when deeply entrenched in emotional pain. External perspectives from loved ones can be invaluable in these moments, offering a lifeline when an individual is unable to objectively assess their own needs. The signs—such as relying on substances like sleeping pills to cope—were present, yet the emotional toll prevented Jonas from fully grasping the extent of his struggles. This often happens because trauma can impair our ability to regulate emotions and make sound judgments, leading to a distorted view of reality and a reluctance to seek help.

2. Overcoming Skepticism: A Leap of Faith Towards Healing

The decision to enter treatment is rarely an easy one, often accompanied by a healthy dose of skepticism and apprehension. Jonas admits, “My expectations going into treatment was quite on the skeptical side. I didn’t think I could do much about changing my behavior and my mood because of the state and my life situation. So I would say that I was quite skeptical.” This initial doubt is a common hurdle for many seeking help for trauma. The weight of past experiences and the belief that one’s situation is unchangeable can create a powerful barrier to embracing the possibility of recovery.

However, moving past this skepticism is often the first and most crucial step towards healing. It requires a willingness to suspend disbelief and take a leap of faith, even when the path ahead seems uncertain. This initial acceptance, even if hesitant, opens the door to new perspectives and strategies for coping. For those contemplating treatment, it’s important to acknowledge these fears and recognize that they are a normal part of the process. Trusting in the therapeutic process, even when doubts linger, can unlock profound personal growth.

Explore trauma treatment options.

3. The Ripple Effect of Healing: A New Perspective on Connection

One of the most profound realizations Jonas experienced in rehab was the interconnectedness of his well-being with those around him. He discovered that his emotional state and behaviors had a significant impact on his friends, family, and ultimately, his children, even in their absence. “Well, I would say that rehab gave me a brand new perspective on life. I realized that it’s not only me that matters because the way I feel and behave affects everybody around me. And if I don’t feel well, My friends, my family, and everybody will be affected.”

This shift in perspective is a cornerstone of trauma recovery. It moves beyond individual suffering to encompass the broader relational context. When individuals heal from trauma, the positive effects radiate outwards, improving the quality of their relationships and creating a more positive environment for everyone involved. This understanding also empowered Jonas to maintain his strength for his children, recognizing that even without direct contact, his improved well-being could indirectly impact them. This concept aligns with attachment theory, which posits that our emotional well-being and relational patterns are deeply intertwined. A research article in Psychological Science in the Public Interest highlights the lasting impact of early attachment experiences on adult relationships and mental health, underscoring the importance of healing individual trauma for the benefit of broader relational systems.

4. Embracing Practical Skills: Tools for Lasting Change

Beyond theoretical insights, trauma treatment provides invaluable practical skills that empower individuals to navigate daily challenges and foster lasting change. For Jonas, two key practices stood out: morning meditation and a conscious effort to change his communication patterns. He notes, “And of course there was a lot of practical skills that I’m using every morning, especially the meditation and especially the way I communicate. I’m trying to change my communication patterns because I realized that that was one of the reasons why I ended up in the situation I was in.”

Meditation offers a powerful tool for mindfulness, allowing individuals to observe their thoughts and feelings without judgment and cultivate a sense of calm amidst chaos. It can help regulate the nervous system, which is often dysregulated in individuals with trauma.

Communication skills are equally crucial, especially for those whose past trauma may have impacted their ability to express themselves effectively or set healthy boundaries. Learning to communicate assertively, actively listen, and understand non-verbal cues can transform relationships and prevent recurring patterns of conflict. These skills are often taught in various forms of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which are frequently used in trauma treatment.

5. Redefining “Better”: Thriving Amidst Unchanged Circumstances

Perhaps one of the most remarkable aspects of Jonas’s journey is his ability to thrive even when his external circumstances remained largely the same. He clarifies, “actually I would say that my life today is not much different. I’m not in a completely different situation. The situation is actually the same, although the way I feel in this situation is what has have changed. I can now handle the situation. I can now understand what I’m feeling, and I also understand that things will be as good as you make them.”

This powerful realization highlights that healing isn’t always about dramatically altering external circumstances, but rather about transforming one’s internal landscape. It’s about developing resilience, emotional regulation, and a proactive mindset to navigate life’s challenges. Before treatment, Jonas was “feeling worse and worse,” but now, even with similar external pressures, he’s “feeling better and better.” This shift in perspective and internal strength is a testament to the profound impact of trauma treatment. It demonstrates that true well-being stems from our ability to adapt, cope, and find inner peace regardless of external variables. This internal locus of control is a key factor in long-term recovery and resilience, as detailed by research on psychological well-being.

6. The Investment in Yourself: An Insurance for the Future

For those hesitating to seek treatment due to concerns about cost or efficacy, Jonas offers a compelling perspective: it’s an investment, an insurance for the future. He urges individuals to consider the broader implications of their well-being, emphasizing that the positive impact extends beyond themselves. “I would say that this is a really, really small investment compared to what it’s gonna cost you if you don’t make the investment. So I would see it as a, as an insurance. It’s an insurance for the future. You can change everything for the better. By taking this step, I wish you the best of luck.”

This powerful analogy underscores the long-term benefits of addressing trauma. The emotional, physical, and relational costs of untreated trauma can be immense, leading to chronic stress, strained relationships, and diminished quality of life. Investing in treatment is not just about alleviating immediate suffering; it’s about building a foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling future. It’s an investment in personal growth, improved relationships, and overall well-being. Thinking about the cost-benefit analysis of treatment can be a powerful motivator for many.

How to pay for treatment.

7. Taking the First Step: Embracing the Unknown

The journey to healing can feel daunting, filled with questions and uncertainties about the process, the environment, and the people involved. Jonas acknowledges these common fears: “maybe you are a little bit in the doubt about going, maybe you’re a little bit scared about, you know, how it’s gonna be like, maybe you’re thinking about what kind of people are you gonna meet? How is the premises gonna be? How is the food gonna be? How is, how is this gonna change me anyway? How can, how can a treatment change anything?”

His advice is simple yet profound: “I would say that the only thing you can do to find out is to take the step because you know where you’re at, you know what problems you have, and if you want to try to solve them, try to find a solution. I would say that this is a really good first step.”

This sentiment encapsulates the essence of taking control of one’s narrative. While uncertainties may linger, the potential for positive change far outweighs the fear of the unknown. Recognizing one’s current struggles and actively seeking solutions is the courageous first stride towards a brighter future. Embarking on a healing journey requires courage, self-compassion, and a willingness to embrace the transformative power of support.

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How Do I Know if I Need Mental Health and Addiction Treatment?

If you’re reading this, you might be wondering, “Do I need help?”

That question alone takes courage, and it could be the most important first step in your healing journey.

Acknowledging the need for mental health or addiction treatment is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of wisdom. It means you know something isn’t right, and that you might be open to change. 

Change is where healing begins.

When stress, anxiety, substance use, or feeling lost becomes overwhelming, it can be hard to know if you need professional help. This guide will help you recognize when it’s time to seek treatment and how to take that first step.

Illustration of a person with raised arms standing on a small island with a palm tree, accompanied by the text 'Asking for help isn't weakness—it's awareness.

Recognizing Signs and Symptoms

Recognizing when you need help is the first, and often hardest, step toward healing. 

It can be challenging to recognize the signs and symptoms of addiction1 and mental health conditions. But behavioral health experts say there are common indicators. Often, our loved ones or family members are the first to notice and point out changes. 

These warning signs typically fall into 3 main categories that affect how we act, feel, and function physically.

Behavioral, Emotional, and Physical Indicators

Mental health and substance use issues often show up in subtle ways at first. You might not even realize how much they affect your life until someone else points it out—or until it starts interfering with your peace. Over time, consequences can get more severe and start to impact your quality of life.2

Here are some red flags to watch for:

  • Withdrawing from friends, family, or favorite activities
  • Ongoing mood swings, anxiety, irritability, or deep sadness
  • Trouble sleeping, or sleeping too much
  • Significant weight loss or gain
  • Neglecting hygiene
  • Using substances (like alcohol, drugs, food, or even social media) to escape
  • Difficulty concentrating, staying motivated, or feeling hopeful
  • Feeling like life is overwhelming or not worth living

If you’re experiencing several of these symptoms, your mind and body may be signaling that it’s time for support.

Infographic showing 9 common signs you might need mental health or addiction treatment, displayed in a 3x3 grid with icons. Signs include: withdrawing from people or activities, hiding how you really feel, sleeping too much or too little, mood swings/anxiety/sadness, using substances to cope or escape, struggling to focus or feel hopeful, feeling overwhelmed or emotionally numb, loved ones noticing a change in you, and falling behind on tasks and routines. Illustration of a concerned person appears on the right side with exclamation points around them.

Self-Assessment Tools and Questions

If you’ve noticed potential warning signs, specific assessment tools can help you evaluate whether your symptoms warrant professional attention.

Note: These assessments should not replace a formal diagnosis, but your results may indicate whether it’s a good idea to seek a clinical evaluation. If your answers point to possible signs of addiction or mental health concerns, consider speaking with a professional for support or further evaluation.

Clinical Screening Tools for Self-Assessment

Healthcare providers commonly use the following evidence-based screening tools3 in treatment settings, but they’re also available for self-assessment. 

GAD-7: Generalized Anxiety Disorder 7-Item Scale

What it’s for: Screens for generalized anxiety disorder and assesses severity. Also effective at detecting panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and PTSD.

How it’s used: Rate how often you’ve been bothered by anxiety symptoms over the past 2 weeks. Takes 2-3 minutes to complete.

Sample questions:

Over the last 2 weeks, how often have you been bothered by the following problems?

  • Feeling nervous, anxious, or on edge
  • Not being able to stop or control worrying
  • Trouble relaxing

Where to find it: The GAD-7 is available online4 or through your healthcare provider.

Chart titled 'When Patterns Shift from Normal to Concerning' showing four examples of how behaviors can escalate on a spectrum from green (normal) to red (concerning). Examples include: occasional drinking to getting drunk daily, feeling down for a day to persistent hopelessness, losing focus sometimes to can't function at work or home, and needing alone time to withdrawing from everyone. Each row features an icon and a gradient bar showing the progression.

PHQ-9: Patient Health Questionnaire-9

What it’s for: Screens for depression based on DSM-5 criteria and assesses severity, including suicidal ideation.

How it’s used: Rate how often symptoms have affected you over the last 2 weeks. Takes 3-5 minutes to complete.

Sample questions:

Over the last 2 weeks, how often have you been bothered by the following problems?

  • Little interest or pleasure in doing things
  • Feeling down, depressed, or hopeless
  • Thoughts that you would be better off dead or hurting yourself

Where to find it: The PHQ-9 is available online5 or through your healthcare provider.

CAGE Questionnaire (Cut Down, Annoyed, Guilty, Eye-Opener)

What it’s for: Brief screening tool to identify alcohol misuse.

How it’s used: Four yes-or-no questions that take about one minute to complete.

Sample questions:

  • Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?
  • Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
  • Have you ever felt guilty about your drinking?
  • Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?

Where to find it: The CAGE Questionnaire6 is available online or through your healthcare provider.

These self-assessment tools offer a quick, confidential way to evaluate whether you may benefit from professional support. While they don’t provide a diagnosis, they can identify concerning patterns and help guide your next steps.

Of course, taking an honest self-assessment requires acknowledging that there might actually be a problem, which isn’t always easy.

The Role of Denial and Minimization

Let’s be honest. It can be easy to talk yourself out of needing help.

Maybe you have said things like:

  • “It’s not that bad.”
  • “I can handle this on my own.”
  • “Other people have it worse.”

Minimizing or denying a problem is a common part of struggling with addiction or mental health concerns. It’s a way the mind tries to protect itself from pain by pretending things are fine. But most people underestimate how much their struggles are actually affecting their lives. Denial helps you feel in control, while minimizing sounds like “It’s not that bad” or “I can stop anytime”—but both can keep you from getting help when you need it most.

These thought patterns can delay help until a crisis occurs. But it’s important to remember that you don’t need to be in crisis to deserve support.

When “Functioning” Doesn’t Mean “Healthy”

You don’t need to lose your job, home, or relationships to require treatment. Many people with mental health or substance use disorders are still meeting their responsibilities at work or school. This is known as “high functioning.”7

Busting the Myth of the High-Functioning Addict

Not everyone struggling with addiction:

  • Drinks or uses in the morning
  • Gets a DUI
  • Misses work regularly

Not everyone with a mental health condition:

  • Experiences suicidal ideation
  • Has difficulty in social situations
  • Needs hospitalization

These things can and do happen for many people. However, addiction and mental illness look different for everyone. “Functioning” doesn’t mean your mental well-being is intact. High-functioning alcoholism, drug addiction, anxiety, or depression can fly under the radar for years. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t benefit from treatment to improve your physical, mental, or spiritual well-being.

What Loved Ones Might Notice First

Sometimes, the people closest to us can see the signs before we’re ready to. It’s not because they’re trying to judge, it’s because they care. They know your usual patterns, and when something shifts, they notice.

Here are some common changes or warning signs8 loved ones or others closest to you, like family members or employers, may notice:

  • A drop in mood or energy: You may seem tired, irritable, or not yourself—even if you don’t realize it.
  • Changes in routine or motivation: Maybe you’re skipping work, sleeping all day, or losing interest in things you used to love.
  • Avoiding responsibilities or isolating: Pulling away from family, missing events, or spending long hours alone can be a red flag.
  • Unusual behavior or secrecy: Loved ones might notice you’re being vague, avoiding eye contact, or hiding parts of your day.
  • Increased substance use: They may comment on how much you’re drinking or using—and how it’s affecting your mood or relationships.
  • Emotional outbursts or numbness: Whether you’re snapping easily or seem checked out, they may sense something’s off emotionally.

Sometimes, these observations come as gentle concern. Other times, they may sound like frustration. Either way, don’t dismiss what your loved ones say, even if it’s hard to hear.

Why this matters:

When you’re in the middle of a mental health or addiction struggle, your view can get clouded. You might not notice how your habits or emotions have shifted. That’s why outside perspectives are valuable—they help you see what you might be missing.

What to do next:

  • Ask someone you trust: “Have you noticed any changes in me lately?”
  • Listen without defending. Just take it in with an open heart.
  • If several people have expressed concern, it’s worth exploring.

Remember: A loved one noticing a change in you or family members sharing a concern isn’t an accusation. It’s an invitation to check in with yourself and consider if help could make things better. Reaching out for support, including peer support, can be another helpful way to bring other people into what is going on in your life.

Next Steps if You’re Unsure

Olivia Mueller, VP of Research at Recovery.com, shares:

Trying to find substance abuse and mental health treatment that meets your needs can be overwhelming. Why? Well, one main reason is we often don’t know where to begin and we have misconceptions about ‘rehab’ and recovery. When someone breaks a bone, most of us laypeople have common knowledge about treatment protocol: See a doctor, get an X-ray, get a cast or sling to hold things in place to allow healing, go to follow-up appointments, and so on.

Yet, it’s not as simple when it involves questions about treatment for addiction or mental health. The journey ahead can feel overwhelming, but there can be a clear path forward and guidance when you feel unsure about the next steps for treatment.

If you’re still unsure whether you need help, consider talking to a mental health professional or health care provider. A diagnostic evaluation typically includes:

  • A review of your medical history
  • A mental health screening
  • Questions about alcohol use disorder, drug use, trauma, and mood
  • Referral to treatment programs, psychotherapy, or support groups

These assessments can be conducted through outpatient mental health services, inpatient programs, or telehealth.

If you’ve read this far, something inside you is reaching for hope—and that matters.

You don’t need to have it all together to ask for help. You just need to be willing to take one small step.

No matter where you are in the process, you’re not alone. Recovery is possible and there’s a community here to help you take the next step. Find qualified addiction treatment programs in your area that offer personalized care when you need it most.

FAQs

Q: What are the signs that a person may need addiction or mental health treatment?

A: Everyone struggles with their health from time to time, but if your symptoms persist for more than 2 weeks, interfere with your work or relationships, or you find yourself using substances to cope with daily stress, you may need professional addiction or mental health treatment. A professional assessment can help you accurately determine your treatment needs. Also note that you don’t have to be in severe distress or crisis to benefit from professional support: many people see therapists for maintenance, additional support through growth phases, or to work through less severe (but still important) issues.

Q: When should someone seek help for addiction or mental health?

A: If symptoms last more than 2 weeks, worsen over time, or affect your ability to function at home, work, or school, it’s a strong sign to reach out to a mental health professional or treatment provider. It is always recommended to seek outside support for symptoms of substance use disorder or mental health conditions. Determining risk factors or other symptoms through assessments can also be a helpful way to learn if you need outside support.

Q: How do I know if I need help with my mental health?

A: Ask yourself: Am I coping in healthy ways? Have others expressed concern? Am I feeling overwhelmed more often than not? If the answer is yes to any, consider taking a self-assessment or speaking to a provider.

Q: What qualifies as a serious mental illness?

A: Serious mental illnesses (SMIs) include conditions or mental disorders like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and major depression that significantly impair daily functioning. A formal diagnosis is made by a licensed mental health professional.

Q: How do I get addiction or mental health treatment?

A: You can start by talking to your therapist, healthcare provider, using a non-biased treatment finder like Recovery.com, or calling a helpline. Treatment may include talk therapy, medication, support groups, or outpatient services.

Q: What are the types of substance use disorder?

A: Substance use disorders can involve alcohol, opioids, stimulants, or other drugs. They range in severity and may include physical dependence, compulsive use, or co-occurring mental health conditions. The DSM-5-TR outlines criteria for specific mental health and substance use diagnoses. To better understand what you’re experiencing, you can take a self-assessment, complete a formal evaluation, or talk with a licensed treatment provider or health care professional. These steps can help clarify whether treatment would be beneficial.

Q: Can substance abuse treatment fail due to untreated mental health issues, or vice versa?

A: It’s common for mental illness and substance use to be interconnected. If one condition goes untreated, it can undermine recovery from the other. Integrated treatment is often the most effective. Talking to your treatment provider or health care provider about your concerns about co-occurring mental health and addiction is an important first step in preparing a comprehensive and effective treatment plan. 

Q: How can I tell if I need treatment for addiction?

A: Warning signs of addiction include cravings, loss of control, using despite consequences, a relapse or recurrence of use, or hiding your substance use. If you’re unsure, talk with a provider or complete a screening tool as a first step. Just asking the question may be an indicator that you already know something is not quite right, and that you want to change.

Q: How can I tell if my addiction requires professional treatment?

A: If your self-control is slipping, your health or relationships are suffering, or you’ve tried to stop and cannot, professional addiction treatment can provide structure, support, and lasting results. You have options: intensive residential programs, flexible outpatient treatment, family therapy, evidence-based behavioral therapies, and other specialized approaches that can be tailored to your specific situation and goals.

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What Kind of Treatment Do I Need? Understanding Levels of Care for Addiction and Mental Health Treatment

Trying to figure out what kind of treatment you need can feel like stepping into a maze. You might be asking: Do I need to detox first? Is inpatient too much? What even is PHP? If you’re feeling unsure or overwhelmed, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong.

This guide is here to help you understand what your options actually look like in practice. From round-the-clock care to flexible weekly therapy, different levels of care are appropriate for different situations. Knowing how they work can make it easier to take the next step, whatever that looks like for you.

Infographic showing six treatment levels arranged around a compass: Medical Detox (24/7 medical care for withdrawal), Inpatient/Residential Treatment (live-in treatment with round-the-clock therapy), Partial Hospitalization Program (daytime outpatient care with high structure), Intensive Outpatient Program (part-time therapy balancing treatment with daily life), Outpatient Therapy (weekly one-on-one flexible support), and Virtual Care/Telehealth (online access to therapy and medication management).

Levels of Care Explained

Addiction treatment takes place on a continuum of care, with various levels of care designed to meet people where they are. Some offer 24/7 medical support. Others give you space to keep working or caring for family members while getting help. Stepped-down treatment options allow you to gradually introduce more and more responsibilities into your life as your mental health and confidence improve.  

Here’s what each one involves, so you can get a better sense of what best fits your life right now.

Medical Detox

  • Typical duration: 5–10 days
  • Hours per week: 24/7 care
  • Time of day: Day and night

If you’ve been using substances (especially alcohol, opioids, or benzodiazepines) regularly, stopping suddenly can result in severe, or even fatal, symptoms. Medical detox gives you a safe place to withdraw with trained staff on hand. A qualified treatment team will monitor your symptoms, help you manage pain or discomfort, and step in if any complications arise. 

This is often a preliminary step, prior to starting a comprehensive addiction treatment program, for people who are physically dependent on substances.

Learn more about what to expect in the detox process: See our detox FAQs.

Pie charts showing time commitment by treatment level: Inpatient/Residential Treatment requires 100% of time, Partial Hospitalization Program requires 18% of time, Intensive Outpatient Program requires 7% of time, and Outpatient Therapy requires 2% of time.

Residential or Inpatient Treatment

  • Typical duration: 30–90 days
  • Hours per week: 24/7 care
  • Time of day: Day and night

In residential rehab, you live at a treatment facility while focusing entirely on recovery. It offers a structured environment and full daily schedule of therapy, group support, mental health care, and activities that help you build new coping tools. Many residential programs also incorporate family therapy. 

Because your meals, housing, and daily routine are all taken care of, you can put all your energy into getting better without juggling the pressures of work, school, or family obligations. It’s a space where your only job is to focus on your healing.

This level is a good fit if you need more acute care such as dual diagnosis or eating disorder treatment, or need space away from issues at home that may complicate your recovery.

Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP)

  • Typical duration: 15–30 days
  • Hours per week: 25–30 hours
  • Time of day: Primarily during the day

A PHP (also known as day treatment) is one of the most intensive available outpatient services. You’ll spend most of your day at a treatment center for therapy, psychiatric care, and medical check-ins, then go home (or to sober housing) in the evening. For most people, the time spent at a PHP feels like the equivalent of a full-time job.

PHPs are a step down from inpatient care but still offer a high level of structure and support, especially if stabilization is still a concern.

Timeline showing progression through addiction treatment levels: Medical Detox (1 week) for safe opioid withdrawal, Inpatient Treatment (30 days) for space away from triggers, Intensive Outpatient Program (8 weeks) for continued support while returning to daily life, and ongoing Outpatient Therapy for stress management while staying connected to care.

Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)

  • Typical duration: 8–12 weeks
  • Hours per week: 9–15 hours
  • Time of day: Day or evening options

IOPs give you solid support without requiring you to put your life on hold. You’ll attend several individual and group therapy sessions each week, and may have access to medication management. The time commitment here is similar to a part-time job.

An IOP works well if you’re stepping down from a higher level of care, or if you’re juggling recovery with work, school, or family responsibilities.

Outpatient Therapy

  • Typical duration: Ongoing or as needed
  • Hours per week: 1–5 hours
  • Time of day: Flexible

Outpatient therapy can be as simple as seeing a therapist once a week. Some people start here if their symptoms are mild; others continue therapy after completing a more structured program. It’s a space to keep working through triggers, rebuild relationships, and stay grounded in your recovery over time. You can choose a schedule that fits your daily life.

Warning signs indicating need for higher level addiction treatment: worsening symptoms, impaired daily functioning, relapse or increased use, failed outpatient attempts, social withdrawal, frequent crises or emergencies, inability to cope, and unsafe home environment. Illustrated with a figure climbing stairs representing treatment progression.

Sober Living or Transitional Living

  • Typical duration: 1–12 months
  • Hours per week: Independent, with optional meetings
  • Time of day: Mostly daytime routines

Sober living homes are group environments where people in early recovery live together under shared rules. There’s no formal therapy, but you’ll usually have curfews, house meetings, and drug testing, as well as attending meetings and recovery-friendly activities outside the home. It’s a helpful bridge between structured treatment and living completely on your own—especially if your home environment poses challenges to your recovery.

Learn more about length of stay in different types of treatment in our article on how long rehab lasts.

Virtual Care (Telehealth)

  • Typical duration: Varies by program
  • Hours per week: 1–15 hours
  • Time of day: Day or evening availability

Virtual care lets you access therapy, support groups, and even medication management from home. It’s especially useful if you live in a rural area, have mobility issues, or just need more flexibility. Some people use it to start treatment; others use it to stay connected to a sober support network after in-person care. As long as you have a phone or internet connection, you can access high-quality behavioral health care.

How to Know What’s Right for You

Choosing a treatment program is about finding what fits your circumstances and resonates with your approach to healing. Start by thinking about how withdrawal affects you, whether you’re also dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, or other mental health disorders, and if you’ll have any specific needs while in treatment.

If you’re in crisis, can’t stop using on your own, or feel unsafe at home, inpatient care might be the most supportive place to begin. If you’re more stable or have responsibilities you can’t step away from, outpatient care may give you the balance you need.

There’s no wrong place to start. The most important thing is to start somewhere.

Do I Need Medical Supervision?

If you’ve ever had severe withdrawal symptoms (or you’re worried you might), it’s important to talk to an addiction specialist before you try to stop using on your own. Symptoms like seizures, hallucinations, or heart issues can be dangerous without medical support.

You might also need supervised care if you have certain medical needs such as a health condition that affects your recovery, or if you’re taking medications that could interact with withdrawal. Medical detox or inpatient treatment can give you safety and stability while your body adjusts.

Dual Diagnosis or Co-Occurring Disorders

If you’re struggling with both mental health and substance use, you’re not alone—and you’re not a problem to solve. A lot of people use substances to cope with depression, anxiety, trauma, or other emotional pain. But over time, that coping can create its own set of challenges.

When both are happening at once, it’s called a  co-occurring disorder. These situations often need integrated care: treatment that addresses mental health and substance use at the same time, not in separate silos.

Dual diagnosis treatment is available at most higher levels of care and some outpatient programs. If this applies to you, look for programs that offer addiction treatment, psychiatry, and trauma-informed support under one roof.

What an Intake Assessment Looks Like

Most treatment centers begin with an intake or admissions assessment to better understand your needs. This process typically includes two parts:

  1. A brief phone screening with an admissions advisor. This initial conversation covers basic information about your substance use, mental health, and immediate needs to determine whether the program is a good fit. It’s also your chance to get your questions answered.
  2. A more in-depth assessment once you arrive at the treatment center. This is usually conducted by medical and clinical staff and dives deeper into your medical history, substance use patterns, mental health conditions, living situation, and any safety concerns.

The goal is to get a full picture of your situation so the team can recommend the most appropriate level of care and build a personalized treatment plan. Clinicians often use tools like the ASAM Criteria1 (developed by the American Society of Addiction Medicine) and a biopsychosocial assessment to guide your treatment plan.

You don’t need to have all the answers going in, just be as honest as you can.

Adjusting Treatment Over Time

You don’t have to commit to one level of care forever; you’ll likely move through several stages of treatment as your needs change. For example, you might start with inpatient rehab as your primary care, then step down to a lower level of care like an IOP, then continue with weekly therapy while living in sober housing.

Recovery isn’t linear. You might go forward, take a step back, or ramp up your meetings or therapy sessions when you’re going through a hard time. That’s normal. What matters most is staying engaged and open to support, even when your path looks different than someone else’s.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you or your loved one are thinking about treatment, you don’t have to figure it all out alone. Rehab admissions advisors are usually happy to walk you through your options and help you find a level of care that fits your individual needs.

Use Recovery.com to explore treatment centers near you. You can compare programs, read about their services, and reach out directly.

The right kind of support is out there—you just have to ask for it.

FAQs

Q: What are the levels of care in addiction treatment?

A: Levels of care in addiction treatment include medical detox, inpatient or residential rehab, partial hospitalization programs (PHP), intensive outpatient programs (IOP), sober living, individual therapy, and virtual or telehealth services.

Q: When do you need inpatient treatment?

A: Inpatient addiction treatment is best when you need 24/7 support, can’t stay sober on your own, or are dealing with complex mental health or medical issues.

Q: How does outpatient substance use treatment work?

A: Intensive outpatient programs (IOPs) offer therapy and support on a set schedule—often a few times a week—so you can keep living at home while receiving a high level of therapy and support.

Q: Who needs residential treatment?

A: Residential care is ideal for people who need structure, distance from triggers, or support for a co-occurring substance use disorder and mental health condition.

Q: How long do you need to be in outpatient treatment?

A: It varies. Some people stay for a few weeks while others find long-term support helpful. Your treatment team can help you determine your timeline based on your needs and healing progress.

Q: How do I choose the right level of care for my treatment needs?

A: Your treatment provider can help you determine what level of care you need via an intake assessment. How much support you need will likely depend on your daily functioning, withdrawal risk, mental health, and living environment. When it comes to addiction and mental health treatment, your safety and well-being come first.

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Kat Sorensen’s Journey from Chaotic Addiction to Thriving Powerhouse

The path to recovery is rarely straight. For many, it’s a winding road filled with detours, unexpected turns, and moments of profound clarity. Kat Sorensen, CEO of Laguna Shores Treatment Center, founder of Chains to Change, and content creator known as SoCalKattt, embodies this journey. With nearly a decade of sobriety, Kat’s story is a powerful testament to healing with compassion, structure, and integrity, highlighting the transformative power of community in achieving lasting recovery.

Kat’s story, shared on Recoverycast with host Brittani Baynard, offers invaluable insights into the insidious nature of addiction and the profound liberation that comes with confronting it head-on. From a high-performing tech sales executive and competitive bodybuilder battling alcohol and prescription drug addiction to a beacon of hope in the recovery community, Kat’s experiences illuminate key aspects of addiction and the recovery process.

Unraveling the Roots of Early Addiction

Kat’s journey began not in a tumultuous home, but in a stable, middle-class environment with loving parents. Yet, from a young age, a profound sense of loneliness and discomfort in her own skin shadowed her. This internal struggle became the fertile ground for addiction to take root.

Her first experience with alcohol at age 12 was a revelation. While her friends sipped, Kat “gulp[ed] as fast as [she could].” The immediate effect was a powerful sense of peace and belonging. “As soon as I started to feel this, like, it was like this piece,” she recalls. “It was like, oh my god. I’ve been waiting for this for like 10 years. Like, I have needed this for like 10 years, and I started to really feel okay in my own skin.” This early experience, coupled with a fantastical first kiss, cemented alcohol’s association with ultimate relief and desire fulfillment.

This narrative highlights a critical point: addiction often stems from an attempt to self-medicate underlying emotional pain or discomfort. Even in the absence of overt trauma, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, or an inability to cope with intense emotions can drive individuals toward substances that offer temporary solace. Kat’s story underscores that a seemingly perfect upbringing doesn’t inoculate against these internal struggles.

The Chameleon Effect: Mastering High-Functioning Addiction

A hallmark of Kat’s early addiction was her ability to maintain a double life. As a varsity athlete who also frequented parties, she became adept at being a “chameleon,” seamlessly blending into different social circles and managing her substance use while excelling in other areas of her life. This early mastery of high-functioning addiction allowed her to rationalize and conceal the growing problem.

She learned to manage her alcohol consumption alongside her responsibilities as an athlete and student. This ability to appear functional, even successful, on the surface is a common characteristic of high-functioning addicts. It often delays intervention because the outward signs of struggle are not immediately apparent. Kat’s experience demonstrates how early in life, individuals can develop sophisticated coping mechanisms that, while allowing them to navigate daily life, simultaneously entrench their addictive behaviors. This period of her life underscores the deceptive nature of addiction – it can thrive in the shadows of apparent normalcy.

The Illusion of a “God-Shaped Hole” and the Reality of Untreated Addiction

In her late teens, Kat experienced a profound spiritual transformation. Attending church and embracing a new community, she found a sense of belonging and peace that initially mirrored the relief she sought from alcohol. She married young, eschewed drinking, and for a time, found solace in her faith. However, this period also revealed a critical insight into untreated addiction: it often manifests in other behaviors.

Kat stopped drinking in college but began running “insane” distances—10, 12, even 15 miles a day. This seemingly healthy activity became a new outlet for her unaddressed inner turmoil. As she aptly puts it, “I just transferred my addiction to that.” This phenomenon, known as cross-addiction or addiction transfer, is common in untreated individuals. If the underlying spiritual, emotional, or psychological issues driving the addiction are not addressed, the addictive energy will simply find a new outlet.

The Misconceptions of Alcoholism: Beyond Daily Drinking

When her first husband suggested she was an alcoholic, Kat dismissed it. Her understanding of alcoholism, like many, was narrow: “people imagine an alcoholic is somebody who drinks daily, someone who, um, gets DUIs. Someone who can’t hold a normal job, someone who can’t graduate from school, somebody who can’t be in a normal relationship.” She could go months without drinking, seemingly disproving his assertion.

This common misconception underscores the subtle and pervasive nature of the disease. Alcoholism isn’t solely defined by the frequency or quantity of consumption, but by the mental obsession and loss of control once drinking begins. Kat’s frustration with only having “one glass of wine” and the subsequent “mental gymnastics” she underwent to get more perfectly illustrate this point.

“That is the allergy of alcoholism is that one drink sets off the mental obsession,” Kat clarifies. This “allergy,” unlike a physical reaction to shellfish, manifests in the mind, making self-diagnosis crucial. Only the individual truly understands the compulsive thoughts and behaviors triggered by that first drink.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

The Progression of the Disease: From “College Thing” to Catastrophe

After a period of sobriety, Kat returned to drinking during a sales conference, rationalizing it as a way to fit in with her new corporate environment. This return, however, was not a gentle reintroduction but a re-ignition of the “allergy.”

“That thing that has been waiting for me because my disease of alcoholism is progressive. It’s fatal. It wants me dead, but it will settle for me drunk,” Kat powerfully states. This progressive nature meant that her addiction picked up precisely where it left off, quickly escalating. What began as an innocent “open bar” soon led to blackouts, infidelity, and the breakdown of her marriage. The consequences mounted, proving that once the “allergy” is triggered, it reasserts its power, often with greater intensity.

Kat’s repeated attempts to externalize the problem—blaming her job, her marriage, even her age—are characteristic of addiction. The thought of stopping drinking was never an option, even in the face of devastating consequences.

Geographical Cures and the Persistence of the Problem

In a desperate attempt to salvage her marriage and escape the spiraling consequences of her drinking, Kat quit her job and moved to a small mountain town, believing a change of scenery would solve her problems. This concept of a “geographical cure” is a common but ultimately futile strategy in addiction.

As Kat quickly discovered, “we believed that a move would change me and within like, I don’t know, maybe the first two months of being there, I’m doing cocaine with my client.” The external change failed to address the internal struggle. Addiction isn’t about location; it’s about the individual’s relationship with substances and their underlying coping mechanisms. No matter where Kat went, her untreated addiction followed, only escalating in severity, from alcohol to cocaine and eventually Molly. This illustrates that true recovery requires an internal shift, not just an external relocation.

Lowering Standards and the Deceptive Nature of Active Addiction

As Kat’s addiction progressed, her moral compass began to spin wildly out of control. Her candid admission, “lowering my standards faster than I could violate them,” perfectly captures the destructive trajectory of active addiction. The values and boundaries she once held dear eroded, replaced by a relentless pursuit of the next high.

“The things that I said I would never do, I was doing on a daily basis,” she recounts. This includes running off to Mexico with a stranger, using drugs daily at work, and even transporting illegal substances on planes. The sheer recklessness and disregard for personal safety highlight the profound cognitive distortions that occur in active addiction. The disease’s grip becomes so strong that it overrides reason, self-preservation, and personal integrity. Kat’s ability to maintain a veneer of functionality while engaging in increasingly dangerous behaviors underscores the deceptive power of addiction.

The Necessity of Confrontation and the Power of External Intervention

Even as her life spiraled, Kat’s cunning enabled her to navigate increasingly perilous situations, from driving intoxicated to transporting drugs. She believed a move to California and a fresh start would finally be the answer. Yet, even as she unloaded her belongings, the lure of old habits presented itself.

What finally broke the cycle wasn’t self-will or another geographical cure, but the intervention of someone who forced her to slow down and confront her reality. “Someone made you slow down. Yes. Someone made you slow down. Yes. And do something I didn’t want to do,” Kat admits. This external push, often from a sponsor, therapist, or loved one, is frequently a catalyst for change. It’s a moment where the addict is no longer able to outrun or rationalize their disease and is compelled to look inward. For Kat, this meant confronting the deeply ingrained patterns of self-will and beginning the rigorous process of self-inventory.

The Role of Community and Compassion in Healing

Kat’s journey through the 12-Step program and her current role in the recovery community underscore the vital role of community, compassion, and integrity in lasting recovery. When she initially sought help, her instinct was to escape her marriage. But her sponsor, recognizing the self-will driving this decision, urged her to pause and do the hard work of inventory. This gentle yet firm guidance prevented a rash decision and initiated a deeper healing process.

Today, Kat leads Laguna Shores Treatment Center and has founded Chains to Change, an online community dedicated to recovery. These initiatives highlight her commitment to providing the same support and structure that were instrumental in her own sobriety. Recovery is not a solitary endeavor; it thrives in environments of shared experience, mutual support, and non-judgmental guidance. The ability to connect with others who understand the struggle and to give back to the recovery community is a powerful aspect of maintaining sobriety and fostering sustained well-being.

Recovery: A Continuous Journey of Small, Consistent Steps

Kat Sorensen’s story is a powerful reminder that recovery is a dynamic, lifelong process built on small, consistent steps. From the initial “24 hours at a time” to the ongoing commitment to self-reflection and community engagement, each decision contributes to a life of sobriety and fulfillment. Her transformation from a high-functioning addict to a compassionate leader in the recovery field demonstrates that even from the darkest places, healing and transformation are possible.

Recovery.com is a valuable resource for anyone seeking mental health or addiction treatment options. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and more, making it easier to find the right support for anyone, anywhere.

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How Do You Help Someone With an Addiction? 8 Actionable Steps to Support Recovery

Recognizing when a loved one is struggling with substance use can be confusing, heartbreaking, and overwhelming. You may feel desperate to help, but unsure of how to do so without enabling their behavior or pushing them away. 

Fortunately, with patience, compassion, information, and evidence-based strategies, it’s possible to support someone through the recovery process.

1. Recognize the Signs of Addiction in Others

Addiction isn’t always obvious. While some people display clear warning signs, others—especially people with high-functioning addiction—may mask their struggles with problematic drug use or addiction behind a facade of normalcy.

Common signs of addiction1 include:

  • Behavioral red flags: Secrecy, denial, impulsivity, lying, or missing obligations
  • Emotional signs: Mood swings, irritability, anxiety, or depression
  • Physical indicators: Weight changes, bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, or poor hygiene

In people with high-functioning addiction,2 drug or alcohol use may remain hidden due to career success or social engagement. However, you might still notice subtle patterns related to behavioral health like isolation, frequent “bad days,” or noticeable shifts in demeanor. Many also exhibit a cycle of justification, denial, or defensiveness.

For children or young adults,3 these common signs can also include changes in friend groups, a decrease in participation in school functions or extracurriculars, or changes in grades and academic performance.

Two people walking together with one holding a flashlight that creates a beam of light on the path ahead, illustrating supportive companionship in addiction recovery

2. Understand There Is a Why Behind Substance Use

People don’t usually turn to drugs or alcohol just because they’re bored, they use substances to cope with pain, trauma, or emotional overwhelm. Addiction often starts as a form of control of a seemingly uncontrollable situation. 

Substances may offer short-term relief from anxiety, depression, loneliness, or past wounds. In the beginning, the ability to change how you feel with a drink or a pill can seem empowering. But over time, that temporary sense of control, however, can turn into dependency and eventually, loss of control.

Understanding this doesn’t mean you’re excusing the behavior, but it does help you meet your loved one with greater compassion. It shifts the conversation from:

  • “Why don’t you just stop?” to “What are you trying to escape or manage?” 
  • “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened?”

Most people with substance use disorder are carrying deep emotional burdens. Recognizing the underlying why behind their substance use can guide more effective, empathetic support and help you focus not just on the behavior or coping mechanism,4 but the pain beneath it.

3. Educate Yourself About the Science of Addiction

Addiction may not have a one-size-fits-all cure, but with the right knowledge and support, you can be better prepared to support a loved one. One of the most empowering steps you can take is to understand what addiction really is.

Addiction is a chronic brain disease,5 not a moral failing or a lack of willpower. Long-term substance use changes how the brain communicates, especially in areas related to reward, decision-making, and impulse control. This disruption often stems from changes in neurotransmitters like dopamine, which plays a major role in pleasure and motivation.

At first, for your loved one, using substances may feel like a choice, but over time, the brain rewires itself, increasing tolerance and craving while decreasing natural dopamine production. That’s when people often feel “trapped”—not weak, but physically and mentally hooked.

Understanding these biological realities6 helps reduce blame and increases compassion. It also reminds us that support, grace, and education are crucial parts of the healing process.

Infographic showing 5 steps to support a loved one through addiction: 1) Educate yourself, 2) Choose the right moment, 3) Express concern, 4) Offer options not ultimatums, 5) Take care of yourself too. Includes illustration of two people embracing in support.

4. Learn the Dos and Don’ts of Supporting Someone in Addiction

Loving someone with an addiction requires empathy, education, and strong boundaries. You might be feeling helpless, but there are things you can do. Here are some practical ways to offer support:

Do:

  • Listen with compassion. Let them talk openly and acknowledge what they’re feeling without judgment.
  • Set healthy boundaries. Set clear limits around what you’re able to offer and follow through.
  • Learn about addiction and recovery. Understanding substance use, withdrawal, and treatment options can help you support them better.
  • Celebrate progress. Encourage small steps forward and remind them that change takes time.

Don’t:

  • Don’t enable or protect them from consequences. Covering up, making excuses, or giving money can unintentionally prolong the problem.
  • Don’t give ultimatums before they’re ready. Lasting change usually starts with internal motivation, not outside pressure.
  • Don’t blame yourself. Their choices are not your fault, even when it’s hard to watch.
  • Don’t expect them to quit cold turkey. Sudden withdrawal from substances like alcohol or benzodiazepines can cause death without medical support.

Supporting someone who’s struggling with addiction7 can be emotionally draining. It’s important to keep in mind that you matter, too. It’s important to care for your own heart and well-being as you walk alongside your loved one.

You won’t be able to fix everything and that’s okay. Healing is a long road, and it’s not your job to carry it all.

Set boundaries that protect your peace. If a conversation becomes too intense, give yourself permission to step away. A simple pause can make space for clarity, calm, and compassion. Come back when you’re ready with a clearer mind and a softer heart.

And remember: you don’t have to be involved in every part of their journey. Showing up consistently in small, healthy ways often speaks louder than trying to do it all.

Infographic comparing enabling vs. supporting someone with addiction. Enabling behaviors include giving money, ignoring warning signs, taking on their obligations, and making excuses. Supporting behaviors include encouraging treatment, listening with empathy, setting healthy boundaries, and celebrating recovery wins.

5. Understand How to Talk to Someone About Their Addiction

Confronting someone about their substance use is difficult, but it can also be a turning point. To have the best outcome, choose a calm, private setting and use non-threatening language.

Pam Lanhart, Founder and Director of Thrive Family Recovery Services shares:

First, we need to listen to our loved ones well and listen for language that might indicate that they are getting tired of the way things are. Then we validate that and ask them what it might look like to do something different. ‘What step do you think you might be able to take to move forward?’…We need to be patient and let them feel like they have agency in these decisions.  Walking with them while they figure things out is critical. And of course, we can’t do that if we don’t have boundaries. I love language such as ‘say more about that,’ or ‘Can you tell me more?’ or ‘I’m trying to understand. Can you explain?’ Just listen and be curious because they know what they need and will often come to the conclusion themselves.

Here are a few brief conversation tips that can help you as you communicate with your loved one who may be struggling with an addiction.

Conversation Tips

  • Start with an “I” statement: “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
  • Express concern, not control: “I care about your well-being and want to help.”
  • Avoid labels like “addict” or “junkie,” which can cause shame or defensiveness.

Timing matters. Choose a moment when they’re sober and not in a state of crisis or withdrawal.

6. Decide When and How to Encourage Treatment

Suggesting treatment should be a compassionate invitation, not a demand. If the person is open to help, present options like:

  • Speaking with a mental health professional or healthcare provider
  • Considering inpatient or outpatient addiction treatment programs
  • Exploring evidence-based options such as behavioral therapy, medication-assisted treatment, detox, or other types of medical treatment
  • Encouraging holistic wellness and recovery support services

It’s normal for people to resist the idea at first. Ambivalence doesn’t mean they’re not willing—it often means they’re afraid or unsure of what recovery entails.

How do people change? Over time. With stops and starts, along a crooked line. With practice. With ambivalence. More often than not, without formal help. When the trade-offs seem worth it. With a little help—sometimes a lot of help—from friends and family. With anguish. With effort. With joy.

― Jeffrey Foote, PhD., Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change8

7. Know What to Do if They Refuse Help

Refusal doesn’t mean you should give up. Harm reduction strategies9 can keep your loved one safer, sometimes easing cravings, while leaving the door open for change:

  • Encourage safer practices (like not mixing substances and using clean supplies)
  • Stay emotionally available without enabling
  • Know your limits and take care of yourself

You might need to seek your own mental health support or attend family therapy to cope with feelings of guilt, anger, or helplessness. That’s okay. Recognizing that addiction impacts the entire family and not just the person struggling is key to a healthy recovery journey for everyone.

8. Get Familiar With Resources for Families and Friends

Support services exist for those affected by a loved one’s addiction.10 You are not alone.

  • Al-Anon and Nar-Anon: Peer-led groups for family and friends
  • SMART Recovery Family & Friends: Offers tools based on cognitive behavioral therapy
  • SAMHSA resources that define and discuss recovery principles and supports
  • Thrive Family Recovery Resources that provides in-person and virtual workshops and support groups
  • Books and podcasts that explore addiction and family dynamics
  • Helplines that provide 24/7 support
  • Therapy with a mental health professional familiar with substance use disorders

Helping someone with drug use, drug addiction, or alcohol use isn’t about fixing them—it’s about walking beside them, with compassion and hope. Whether they’re seeking professional help or resisting treatment options, your role matters. Take steps to protect your own well-being, stay informed, and know that recovery is possible for your family member—even when the road is long.

Connect With Professional Support

Ready to connect your loved one with professional help? Find qualified addiction treatment programs in your area that offer personalized care and proven recovery methods.

FAQs

Q: What should you not say to someone who has an addiction?

A: Avoid blaming, shaming, or using stigmatizing terms like “junkie” or “addict” when talking to or about your family member.  Phrases like “just stop” or “you’re ruining everything” often shut down communication. Focus instead on expressing care and concern while encouraging effective treatment options.

Q: How can I help without enabling?

A: Helping without enabling means supporting their recovery, not their addiction. Avoid giving money, covering up consequences, or making excuses. Instead, offer emotional support, resources, and healthy boundaries.

Q: What are some ways to help people who are suffering from addiction?

A: You can help by listening without judgment, offering treatment options, and encouraging small steps toward change. Support groups, harm reduction strategies, and family therapy can also make a difference.

Q: What is substance use disorder (SUD)?

A: A substance use disorder is a medical condition characterized by an uncontrollable urge to use drugs or alcohol despite negative consequences. It affects brain function and behavior and often requires comprehensive treatment.

Q: How do I get a loved one to admit they have a problem?

A: Use “I” statements to express concern, avoid confrontational language, and choose a calm moment to talk. Understand that denial is common and change takes time.

Q: How do I know if someone needs help for their drug or alcohol use?

A: Warning signs of alcohol addiction or other drug abuse include neglecting responsibilities, changes in mood or behavior, secrecy, physical deterioration, and an inability to stop despite consequences. A professional assessment can clarify their needs.

Q: Is there a good way to convey addiction concerns to a family member or friend?

A: Yes. Speak from a place of compassion using statements like, “I’ve noticed some changes and I’m worried.” Choose a quiet time, avoid judgment, and be prepared for resistance.

Q: Are you covered for addiction treatment?

A: Many insurance plans cover addiction treatment, including inpatient, outpatient, and therapy options. Check with your insurance provider or rehab admission team for guidance on available coverage.

Q: What are effective ways to support someone in recovery from addiction?

A: Offer encouragement, celebrate milestones, be patient during setbacks, and avoid substances around them. Attending support groups together and staying informed can strengthen your role in their recovery. Encouraging effective treatment plans that address not only substance use, but also co-occurring mental health conditions, is important.

Q: What steps can I take to support someone seeking addiction recovery?

A: Help research treatment options, provide transportation or childcare if needed, and support attendance in therapy or peer groups. Remind them that recovery is a journey, not a destination.

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How to Overcome C-PTSD: Max’s Insights to Find Healing and Hope

Mental health challenges affect countless individuals, but sharing our stories can inspire hope and provide a path to healing. In a compelling episode of the “Giving Voice to Mental Health Podcast,” Max bravely shares her journey of living with and recovering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). Her story is a testament to the human spirit’s resilience and the transformative power of therapy, self-reflection, and healthy relationships.

Understanding Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD)

While many are familiar with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), C-PTSD presents a unique set of challenges that stem from prolonged and repeated exposure to trauma, often during childhood. Max describes C-PTSD as “your regular PTSD and then you add a little bit of extra seasonings in.” These “seasonings” include deeply ingrained issues like a distorted sense of self, an altered perception of the world and others, and a pervasive sense of dread. Unlike single-incident trauma, the prolonged nature of C-PTSD means that the traumatic experiences often become a child’s “reality,” making it incredibly difficult to recognize the abnormality of their situation.

Max highlights several common symptoms of C-PTSD, including:

  • Negative self-perception: A deep-seated belief of being unlovable or unworthy.
  • Relationship difficulties: Struggling to form healthy connections and trust others.
  • Hypervigilance: A constant state of alertness and readiness for danger.
  • Dissociation: Feeling disconnected from one’s thoughts, feelings, or body.
  • Cognitive disorders: Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.
  • Loss of meaning and purpose: A pervasive sense of emptiness or hopelessness.

“It’s very deep rooted, the complex trauma,” Max emphasizes, underscoring how these experiences shape an individual’s entire being and worldview. The feeling of helplessness experienced during the trauma often persists, even long after the individual is no longer in the traumatic environment.

The Profound Impact of Childhood Trauma and Unsafe Environments

Max’s narrative powerfully illustrates how childhood trauma, particularly within the home, can shatter a child’s sense of safety and self-worth. She bravely reveals the physical and emotional abuse inflicted by her older brother, and the heartbreaking lack of protection from her mother and stepfather. Her mother’s repeated refusal to intervene, stating, “I would never abandon my babies,” while simultaneously abandoning Max by not protecting her, created a deeply confusing and damaging dynamic.

The insidious nature of this trauma was further exacerbated by a lack of accountability from her family. Max recounts her desperate pleas to be heard, only to be met with superficial mending and a continuation of the cycle of abuse. This experience led to a profound feeling of being unheard and unsafe within her own home. As she painfully recounts, “I had to scream to be heard, but even if I was heard, things didn’t really change.”

The psychological toll of living in a constant state of fear and vulnerability, where the “bully” is “in your house,” is immense. Max describes this period as “mind messing with,” where every return home brought her back to an unsafe and unprotected space. The lack of intervention normalized the abuse, leading to a cognitive dissonance where she believed, “They’re telling me that they love me, even if they’re treating me this way. So this is how people who love you treat you.” This warped perception of love and relationships is a direct consequence of prolonged childhood trauma and can have lasting effects on an individual’s ability to form healthy attachments later in life.

Explore trauma treatment options.

The Weight of Unresolved Trauma: Carrying the Past Forward

Even decades later, the echoes of Max’s childhood trauma continued to resonate within her. She identifies a persistent “feeling of needing to perform” as a direct carryover from her upbringing, where “the only way that I was acceptable in my home was when I performed and when I met a certain standard, of honestly, perfection.” This ingrained need for perfection can lead to intense self-criticism and a constant feeling of inadequacy, even when achieving significant accomplishments.

At the core of these lingering effects is the pervasive belief, “I’m unlovable.” This deeply painful sentiment underscores the profound impact of her early experiences on her self-worth. “There’s nothing more that I’ve wanted in my life than to feel loved and understood because I just didn’t for a long time,” Max shares, highlighting the yearning for the very emotional needs that were denied to her as a child. This feeling of being unlovable, coupled with the expectation to manage others’ emotions, created an internal conflict.

The inability of her parents to acknowledge their role in her trauma further compounded Max’s pain. Her stepfather’s inability to grasp the depth of her fear, even after blunt explanations in her twenties, (“What do you mean you didn’t know I felt safe?”), exemplifies the gaslighting and emotional invalidation that was a hallmark of her upbringing. This lack of empathy and accountability from those who should have protected her left deep wounds.

The Path to Healing: Embracing Therapy and DBT

Max’s journey to recovery began over a decade ago with traditional talk therapy, but she quickly realized its limitations. “It kind of just felt like a bandaid where it’s like, okay, like I was able to process this thing. But I never really addressed like the core issues.” This realization led her to seek out more specialized and effective treatments, eventually connecting with her current therapist, Lisa.

Lisa introduced Max to a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Prolonged Exposure Program, a multi-phase approach that proved to be “life-changing.” The first phase involved group therapy, where Max learned crucial DBT skills:

  • Interpersonal effectiveness: Strategies for navigating relationships and communicating needs effectively.
  • Distress tolerance: Techniques for coping with difficult emotions and challenging situations without resorting to destructive behaviors.
  • Emotional regulation: Skills for understanding, managing, and responding to emotions in a healthy way.

These skills empowered Max to “fight back a lot of the thoughts” that had long controlled her. While the thoughts still exist, she now possesses the tools to challenge them and prevent them from overwhelming her. This shift from passive acceptance to active engagement with her internal landscape was a pivotal moment in her recovery.

Confronting the “Shadow Realm”: Prolonged Exposure Therapy

Following the group therapy phase, Max entered what she aptly calls the “shadow realm” – the prolonged exposure component of her treatment. This intensive phase involved reliving traumatic memories and engaging in “in vivos,” which are real-life exposures designed to challenge avoidance behaviors and desensitize her to triggers. This process, while challenging, was crucial for directly addressing the deeply rooted trauma responses.

A key aspect of this phase was learning to communicate her needs effectively and setting healthy boundaries. “Communicating that I was really bothered by something and I need to see actual change versus just being like, okay, well I talked about it. I hope that it gets better,” was a significant step forward. This marked a departure from the cycle of superficial mending and enabled her to demand genuine accountability in her relationships.

The successful completion of prolonged exposure therapy led to a monumental achievement for Max: her C-PTSD went into remission. This remarkable progress highlights the effectiveness of evidence-based therapies in addressing complex trauma.

Living with Scars, Not Wounds: The Ongoing Journey of Healing

Max describes her post-remission phase as “the next phase of the DBT program where it’s mostly using what we call like the free skill.” This involves incorporating “random acts of exposure” and “embracing our emotions,” ultimately striving to live a life where struggles may still arise, but they no longer control her.

Her powerful metaphor of a “haunted house” illustrates her previous state of being, controlled by the “ghosts” of her past. Healing, she realized, wasn’t about exorcising these ghosts entirely, but rather about acquiring the “tools to fight back the ghosts.” With her “Ghostbusters like plasma beam” and “crucifix holy water,” Max now possesses the agency to navigate her internal landscape and manage her triggers effectively. The scars of her past remain, but they are no longer open wounds that dictate her life. This ongoing process of managing symptoms and embracing emotional experiences is a cornerstone of long-term recovery.

The Power of Being Seen and Heard: Validation and Connection

For someone who was gaslit and silenced for so long, the act of being seen and heard has been profoundly healing for Max. “It’s healing to talk about it because I was gaslit so much into thinking like, well, you are the problem. Well, if you didn’t push his buttons, if you didn’t do this, or if you were better than you wouldn’t have these things happening to you.” The validation she receives from others who acknowledge the injustice of her past experiences (“that is not okay. That was wild”) is a powerful antidote to years of self-blame.

Surrounding herself with supportive and understanding individuals has been critical. Her “platonic soulmate” in college taught her about unconditional love, a concept previously alien to her. This experience, coupled with her current healthy relationships, has allowed her to practice vulnerability and express her needs without fear. She shares a seemingly “silly” yet deeply impactful example of hiding phone games from her boyfriend due to past ridicule. The ability to be vulnerable and have her interests accepted, even something as small as a phone game, signifies a profound shift in her sense of safety and self-acceptance.

Unlearning and Reclaiming Self: Embracing Authenticity

Max’s outward presentation—her chosen attire, hair, and name—is a powerful reflection of her inner healing and the process of “unlearning” the societal and familial expectations placed upon her. “Me looking this cool, my 12-year-old self would be like bouncing off the walls,” she joyfully exclaims. This reclaiming of her authentic self, a self that was suppressed and judged in her youth, is a source of immense pride and healing.

While acknowledging that “masking” is sometimes necessary to navigate the world, Max emphasizes that her newfound confidence and hope empower her to be herself more fully. This journey of self-discovery and acceptance is an ongoing process, but one that brings her profound joy and a sense of liberation. The ability to present as her true self is a direct result of the inner work she has undertaken to heal from trauma and shed the burden of others’ judgments.

Finding Hope and Joy: A Message to Those Still Struggling

Max’s message to those closer to where she was than where she is now is one of unwavering hope. She acknowledges the immense difficulty of introspection and connecting the dots between past experiences and present struggles. However, she firmly believes that “it sucks way more to stay there.” The pain of remaining stagnant far outweighs the discomfort of confronting and working through trauma.

Her personal experience of wanting to give up, but realizing that her desire wasn’t to quit, but to alleviate pain, is a profound insight. While the pain may not entirely disappear, it becomes manageable and less controlling. What once took months to overcome now takes weeks, demonstrating the tangible progress possible through consistent effort and support.

Max’s decision to go no contact with her parents, though difficult, brought her an unprecedented sense of peace. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that you’re at peace with anything related to your family,” her therapist observed. This underscores the power of setting healthy boundaries, even when it involves significant personal sacrifice. Making “hard choices, doing hard things” may feel agonizing in the moment, but the ultimate reward is a life where “you feel a lot better and you can navigate it a lot better even if you stumble, even if there’s some lows, there is a higher, better place.”

Max’s story is a powerful reminder that while trauma leaves scars, these scars can serve as testaments to resilience and a healed spirit. Her journey from feeling like a “haunted house” to becoming a “Ghostbuster” of her own mind offers invaluable lessons and inspiration for anyone navigating the complexities of C-PTSD and seeking a path toward a life of hope, joy, and authenticity.

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The Path to Peace: Asia’s 5+ Steps to Embracing Your Mental Health Recovery Journey

Life can be chaotic. We may find ourselves entangled in a web of emotional dysregulation, strained relationships, and internal battles. For many, this tumultuous existence feels like an inescapable cycle, leaving them questioning if genuine happiness is even possible.

However, as Asia, a woman in recovery from mental health challenges, depression, anxiety, food addiction, and domestic violence PTSD, powerfully articulates, “My life before I started my recovery journey was extremely chaotic. I had problems with just about every family member of mine. I had problems in my relationship. I was emotionally dysregulated. Life was not fun, and I had realized that something had to give and something had to change. And I guess that something had to be me.” Her journey from chaos to clarity offers a beacon of hope, demonstrating that a commitment to self-discovery and intentional action can pave the way for a more peaceful and purposeful life.

1. The Power of Educating Yourself: Illuminating Your Inner Landscape

The initial spark for change often ignites with a moment of stark realization. For Asia, this moment arrived when her personal struggles began to impact her professional life. “When I realized like I’m losing control, I might lose my job based on my lack of being able to deal with the things that I have going on in a healthy way,” she recalls. This turning point propelled her toward self-education, a foundational step that laid the groundwork for her entire recovery. She discovered Emotional Chaos and Clarity by Phillip Moffitt, a book that profoundly resonated with her experiences. “It was nothing but emotional chaos and I wanted clarity,” she explains. This act of seeking knowledge allowed her to identify and understand the intricate patterns of her emotional life, providing a roadmap for change.

Self-education in recovery goes beyond simply reading a single book. It involves actively seeking out information, resources, and perspectives that shed light on your specific challenges. This could include:

  • Reading books and articles: Explore topics related to your mental health conditions, trauma, addiction, and emotional regulation. Look for reputable sources, including academic texts, self-help guides by qualified professionals, and memoirs of individuals who have successfully navigated similar journeys.
  • Listening to podcasts and webinars: Engage with content that offers expert insights, personal stories, and practical strategies for managing your symptoms and fostering well-being.
  • Attending workshops and seminars: Participate in educational programs that provide structured learning environments and opportunities to connect with others who share similar experiences.
  • Journaling and self-reflection: Regularly documenting your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help you identify triggers, patterns, and areas for growth. This introspective practice complements external learning by fostering a deeper understanding of your internal landscape.

By investing in self-education, you equip yourself with the knowledge and vocabulary to articulate your experiences, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and develop a more informed approach to your recovery. It empowers you to become an active participant in your healing process, rather than a passive recipient of circumstances.

2. Navigating the Therapeutic Journey: Persistence Pays Off

While self-education provides a crucial foundation, professional guidance often proves indispensable on the path to recovery. However, as Asia’s experience highlights, finding the right therapeutic fit can be a challenging, multi-step process. “I sought out therapy and the first time felt good, but I only went once. And then years later, more things were happening to me and I found another one virtually, and I went for a while, but I didn’t really feel the most comfortable with that person. And I think that’s why people give up on recovery… My third time didn’t even work out because I felt connected, but I didn’t feel like I was getting questioned enough to get to the root of what would help me change my mind about my issues.” This candid admission underscores a common hurdle in recovery: the temptation to abandon the process when initial attempts don’t yield immediate results.

Asia’s persistence ultimately led her to a fourth therapist who proved to be a transformative force. “Now I’m on my fourth therapist and she has been one of the best things ever on my journey of mental recovery, of defeat and depression, anxiety, food addiction and PTSD from domestic violence. She connects with me. She understands me. She digs deeper. She asks me questions that forces me to really connect with how I’m feeling and figure out, you know, how to stand on my boundaries, how to be a stronger person, how to be more resilient.” This powerful endorsement emphasizes the importance of a therapist who not only provides a safe space for expression but also actively challenges and guides you toward deeper understanding and actionable change.

When seeking therapy, consider the following:

  • Be patient and persistent: It’s rare to find the perfect therapist on the first try. Don’t be discouraged if you need to try a few different professionals before finding someone who aligns with your needs and goals.
  • Communicate your needs: Be open and honest with potential therapists about what you’re looking for, your concerns, and your preferred therapeutic approach.
  • Prioritize connection and trust: A strong therapeutic alliance built on trust and mutual respect is crucial for effective treatment.
  • Look for a therapist who challenges you: While support is important, a good therapist will also gently push you to confront uncomfortable truths, explore underlying issues, and develop new coping mechanisms. They should ask insightful questions that encourage self-reflection and deeper understanding.
  • Consider different modalities: Various therapeutic approaches exist, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) for trauma, and psychodynamic therapy. Researching these options and discussing them with potential therapists can help you find a suitable fit.

The commitment to finding the right therapeutic support, even when the path is winding, is an investment in your long-term well-being and a testament to your dedication to recovery.

3. Recovery is a Marathon, Not a Sprint: Embracing the Ongoing Journey

A fundamental truth of recovery, as Asia eloquently states, is that “recovery is a marathon and not a sprint. Recovery is an ongoing thing. There is no finish line to recovery because we’ve been through absolutely so much in life is so much to recover from that. It’s an everyday ongoing process of just healing those wounds.” This perspective shifts the focus from a finite destination to a continuous process of growth, healing, and self-discovery.

Embracing recovery as an ongoing journey means understanding that:

  • Setbacks are a normal part of the process: There will be days when you feel overwhelmed, experience old patterns resurfacing, or face new challenges. These are not failures but opportunities for further learning and refinement of your coping strategies.
  • Self-compassion is paramount: Be kind to yourself during difficult moments. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, even when things feel challenging.
  • Consistency is key: Regular engagement with your recovery practices, whether it’s attending therapy, practicing mindfulness, or utilizing coping skills, builds resilience over time. Asia’s commitment to weekly therapy sessions, even when she initially felt she didn’t need them, highlights the importance of consistent effort. “I know I need her every week because recovery is ongoing. I think I can handle things that sometimes I’m more overwhelming than I thought.”
  • Growth is layered: Asia beautifully describes recovery as peeling back the layers of an onion: “I’m proud and excited to be able to continue to pull back layers of myself, which I call an onion, because maybe sometimes it stinks, but you know, we still use it to spice up that food. It makes you who you are, it makes the dish what it is, and we need it, and we need to keep pulling back more and more to discover what is it gonna take for us to live our most healthy lives?” This metaphor encapsulates the idea that healing is not linear; it involves continually uncovering and addressing deeper wounds and unconscious patterns.
  • Adaptability is essential: As you progress, your needs and goals may evolve. Be open to adjusting your recovery strategies and seeking new forms of support as required.

Understanding recovery as a lifelong commitment liberates you from the pressure of perfection and allows you to appreciate the continuous unfolding of your personal growth.

4. Life Transformed: The Fruits of Intentional Recovery

The rewards of embarking on a dedicated recovery journey are profound and far-reaching. Asia’s transformation is a testament to this, as she describes a life now characterized by greater peace and purpose. “My life now compared to before I started my recovery journey is a lot more peaceful. I believe that I can handle difficulty in a way that will not destroy me.” While acknowledging that life isn’t perfect and challenges still arise, she emphasizes a newfound capacity to navigate adversity without being consumed by it.

The benefits of intentional recovery often manifest in several key areas:

  • Enhanced emotional regulation: Learning to identify, understand, and manage your emotions in healthy ways reduces emotional dysregulation and reactivity.
  • Improved relationships: As you heal internally, your relationships with others often become more positive, authentic, and fulfilling. You develop stronger boundaries and communication skills.
  • Increased self-awareness and understanding: Delving into your past and present experiences helps you understand “what happened to me and how it affected me.” This self-knowledge provides clarity and empowers you to make conscious choices. Asia notes, “My life has a better sense of purpose and understanding due to how I’ve educated myself like I am this way because I went on a recovery journey to figure out what happened to me.”
  • Greater resilience: The tools and insights gained through recovery equip you to face life’s inevitable challenges with greater strength and adaptability. You learn to “fight better and always become the winner and the conqueror of any hard situation.”
  • A sense of purpose and joy: Moving beyond the constant fight with internal demons allows you to connect with your values, pursue meaningful goals, and experience genuine happiness and peace. Asia articulates this beautifully: “I know how it feels to feel amazing and at peace and go to sleep every night, grateful and thankful, and wake up the same way the next morning.”

The transformation is not about eradicating problems but about developing the capacity to respond to them with greater wisdom and strength. It’s about shifting from being defined by your struggles to being defined by your resilience and capacity for joy.

5. Self-Compassion and Intentionality: Your Daily Commitment

At the heart of a sustainable recovery journey lies the twin pillars of self-compassion and intentionality. Asia’s advice to those facing similar challenges is direct and compassionate: “My advice would be to dive deeper into yourself. Cut the distractions that you so easily create in your life, whether it be work, relationships, kids, family, family, everyone else but you. I know so many people that focus on everything and everyone else but themselves.” This powerful statement underscores the critical need to prioritize your own well-being.

Key aspects of self-compassion and intentionality include:

  • Accepting that “it’s okay to not be okay”: This is a crucial first step. Acknowledging your struggles without judgment opens the door to healing. As Asia advises, “Be okay with the fact that you’re not okay. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s human to not be able to withstand so much trauma. That’s all right. What’s not okay, is ignoring it like it’s not there. Like it didn’t happen, like it didn’t affect you.”
  • Prioritizing self-care: This involves consciously dedicating time and energy to activities that nourish your mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s about setting boundaries, engaging in stress-reducing practices, and ensuring adequate rest.
  • Daily intentionality: Recovery is not something that just happens; it’s a choice made daily. This means actively engaging in practices that support your well-being, even when it feels difficult. “I have to be aware about it every day. I have to be intentional about my recovery. I have to be intentional about my mental health,” Asia emphasizes.
  • Shifting your identity: Recovery is about recognizing that your struggles do not define you. While you may have experienced depression, anxiety, or addiction, you are not those conditions. “Your depression is not something that should be a part of your identity. Your depression should not rule over your happiness and your joy. What has to be the winner is you genuinely being okay with yourself, with your life, and doing whatever it takes to be healthy, mentally, physically, emotionally,” Asia powerfully states. This reframe allows you to step into a more empowered and authentic version of yourself.
  • Don’t delay seeking help: For those on the fence about getting help, Asia’s message is clear: “Get off the fence because this is your life and we don’t have a lot of time. Every single day is so precious that I truly believe that every human being deserves to genuinely be happy, genuinely not have to be fighting demons daily.”

Ultimately, the journey of recovery is a profound act of self-love and courage. It demands honesty, perseverance, and a willingness to confront discomfort. However, the peace, purpose, and joy that await on the other side are immeasurable. By embracing self-education, pursuing consistent therapeutic support, understanding recovery as an ongoing process, and committing to daily self-compassion and intentionality, you too can unmask your path to lasting peace and well-being.

A Brighter Tomorrow, Today

Asia’s recovery journey is a powerful testament to the human capacity for healing and transformation. Her story underscores that while life may present immense challenges, it is within our power to cultivate a life of purpose, peace, and genuine happiness. By taking the courageous steps of self-education, seeking appropriate professional help, embracing the ongoing nature of recovery, and committing to daily self-compassion and intentionality, anyone can embark on their own path toward a brighter tomorrow. Remember, your journey is unique, but the promise of a more fulfilling life is a universal truth worth fighting for.

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Spot the Signs, Save a Life: 11 Lessons from a Teacher Who Helped Stop a Suicide

This article summarizes a deeply moving conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In Episode 364, we meet Chloe, a courageous young woman whose life was dramatically altered—and ultimately saved—by a teacher who noticed she was struggling and dared to speak up. Through Chloe’s lived experience, we explore the importance of emotional support, early intervention, and the quiet power of paying attention.

1. Depression Can Start Early—and Be Invisible

Chloe first began experiencing symptoms of depression at age 11. She describes her younger self as outgoing and high-achieving, yet internally consumed by sadness and suicidal thoughts. Like many young people, Chloe assumed her pain was just part of growing up.

As Chloe explained:

I thought that everyone my age was feeling the same way that I was… I never really spoke about it because I guess it was such a taboo subject for me growing up.

She masked her distress with humor and popularity, performing well in athletics and maintaining a full social life. But beneath the surface, she was silently suffering. Her experience reminds us that depression doesn’t always look like sadness from the outside.

2. Emotional Bottling Can Lead to Explosive Crisis

For years, Chloe internalized her pain. She was never taught how to express or manage difficult emotions. This emotional bottling came to a head at age 16 after a disappointing soccer performance.

As Chloe recalled:

I remember running to the locker room and punching a wall and just not being able to breathe… I think that was the first time I’d ever had a panic attack before.

Unfortunately, it also marked the beginning of a steep downward spiral. As the pressure to succeed mounted, her mental health deteriorated.

3. The First Attempt: What Chloe Needed Was Understanding

Four months after her panic attack, Chloe attempted to take her own life. Her memories of that day include the grayscale world she saw and the overwhelming emotional pain she wanted to escape—not because she didn’t love others, but because she felt hopeless.

As Chloe described:

I remember looking in the mirror… and I just said, what’s the point in living when I’m not even enjoying being alive?

Sadly, the reactions she received initially were more judgmental than supportive.

Chloe shared:

I remembered [the nurse] shook her head at me and she said like why would you do that to yourself and why would you do it to your family.

She also recounted her mother’s initial response with heartbreak.

Chloe added:

Again she was like how could you do this to me… And all I really needed to hear was that it was going to be okay.

4. Suicide Is Not a Desire to Die—It’s a Desire for the Pain to End

One of the most powerful takeaways from Chloe’s story is that suicidal ideation often stems from a desperate need to escape relentless emotional pain, not a true wish to die.

As Chloe candidly put it:

I think that was the only thought that was going through my head. I just want the pain to end.

Depression convinces people that the pain is permanent and relief is impossible. Chloe’s story challenges that illusion and offers hope to anyone who feels trapped.

5. Asking Directly Can Save a Life

After Chloe’s hospitalization, her pain continued. Around Christmas that same year, she made a second plan to end her life. But this time, someone stepped in.

Chloe recalled the moment her PE teacher intervened:

He pulled me into a classroom and said to me I know exactly what you’ve got planned and I’m not going to let you do it. You’ve got so much to live for. You’ve so much to give to this world.

This moment proved pivotal. The teacher not only noticed the warning signs but used direct and honest language.

As Chloe emphasized:

No one ever asked me before if I had thoughts of suicide… I think the reason that people didn’t ask me that question was because they were scared of the answer themselves.

6. Noticing Changes Can Be a Lifeline

Chloe’s teacher was able to intervene because he noticed behavioral changes:

  • She was dressing differently
  • She was withdrawing from her regular friend group
  • She had lost interest in sports

These may seem like small shifts, but they can be significant red flags.

As Terry eloquently put it:

Most likely is that they’re going to tell you they’re fine. Worst case scenario is probably, “Mind your own business.”

But initiating the conversation matters. It shows someone that they are being seen, that they matter, and that someone cares.

7. Thoughtful Conversations Matter More Than Perfect Words

Many people worry they’ll say the wrong thing. But what Chloe needed most wasn’t a perfect script—it was care and presence.

As Chloe reflected:

He made me realize that people do care and people do want me in this world… my thoughts aren’t necessarily facts.

Even small gestures of concern can counteract depression’s message that you’re alone and unloved.

8. Finding Purpose Helps Anchor Recovery

After surviving her suicide attempts, Chloe began to find new meaning. She embarked on a 220-mile walk across England to raise money for mental health awareness.

Chloe shared what changed:

I didn’t really feel like I had purpose before… Then all of a sudden I had a purpose and I had reason to get up every morning.

Having a purpose—however small—is one of the strongest protective factors against depression and suicide.

9. Life After Crisis Can Be Brighter Than You Imagined

Chloe eventually moved to the U.S. to fulfill her childhood dream of playing soccer on scholarship. While she wasn’t fully healed when she arrived, the journey of self-reflection and growth helped her transform.

As Chloe explained:

I see the world in color again now… I love being alive and I appreciate every single small thing.

Her story proves that even the darkest realities can change. The pain isn’t forever. With the right support, healing is possible.

10. Healing Becomes Powerful When It Comes Full Circle

Today, Chloe is a coach—guiding and supporting young athletes, just as her teacher once supported her.

Chloe described her new role:

My main role on the coaching staff right now is to be someone who’s there for the players mentally and emotionally… I feel like the players know that if they need something or they need to talk to someone… I’m the person to come and speak to.

In this role, she’s closing the healing loop and offering others the same lifeline that once saved her.

Chloe added:

I want to make sure that those players… know that suicide is never the way out and that they always have someone to talk to.

11. Everyone Can Make a Difference—Including You

As the episode concludes, Terry and Carly reflect on how many types of school staff—not just teachers—can play a vital role.

As Carly pointed out:

Young people interact with a ton of adults in any given day. And it’s really just important that one or more of those adults is sort of checking on them out of the corner of their eye.

It’s not just adults, either. Chloe had this realization as a teenager:

Chloe recalled:

There are so many people in this room who are going through something right now that is unimaginable and I have no idea about it… I need to do something to turn this around, not only for myself, but for the people around me.

As Carly explained about today’s youth:

We are each other’s emotional support right now… We are getting each other through the day.

Everyone—regardless of role or training—can be a caring adult or peer who notices, steps in, and helps save a life.

Final Thoughts: The Healing Power of Being Seen

Chloe’s story is a testament to how even one caring conversation can be life-changing. A high school teacher who dared to ask a direct question gave her not only safety, but a sense of worth, hope, and renewed purpose.

Many of us may not consider ourselves mental health professionals. We may not have the perfect words, the right training, or all the answers. But we don’t need to. What we do need is to care enough to notice, brave enough to speak up, and committed enough to listen with compassion.

As Chloe offered this encouragement:

All you have to do is get through the day and survive the day. And then you can start again tomorrow.

Whether you’re a teacher, a coach, a friend, a parent—or just someone in another person’s orbit—you have the ability to make a life-affirming difference. Chloe’s story teaches us that showing up, saying something, and staying connected is sometimes all it takes to redirect someone from despair toward healing.

Key Takeaways

To help you apply the lessons from Chloe’s story, here are some essential points to remember:

Pay attention online too: Today’s warning signs may show up on social media before they show up in person.

Depression can be invisible: High-achieving and happy-looking people may still be struggling.

Trust your gut: If you notice a change in someone, speak up. It’s always better to say something than nothing.

Ask directly about suicide: The most helpful question is also the most uncomfortable. Don’t dance around it.

Listen without judgment: If someone confides in you, meet them with empathy—not fear, shame, or blame.

Stay present: You don’t need to fix someone. Sometimes your consistent presence is enough.

Purpose helps heal: Small goals, acts of service, and meaning-making activities can shift a person’s outlook.

Recovery is not linear: People may revisit difficult emotions, but from new, more resilient vantage points.

Circle it forward: If someone once helped you, consider becoming that person for someone else.

Everyone has a role: Cafeteria staff, bus drivers, and classmates can all be lifesavers.

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The Body Keeps The Score Summary: 8 Key Insights to Heal From Trauma

Bessel van der Kolk’s seminal work, “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma,” offers a groundbreaking perspective on the impact of trauma on individuals. This book summary delves deep into how traumatic experiences fundamentally alter the brain, mind, and body, moving beyond traditional psychiatry and opening new pathways for trauma recovery. Through extensive neuroscience research and compelling case studies, van der Kolk argues that traumatized individuals require interventions that address not just the psychological, but also the physiological effects of trauma.

The article aims to provide a comprehensive overview of the book’s core takeaways, highlighting the necessity of a holistic approach to trauma treatment for trauma survivors and emphasizing the profound connection between our mental and physical well-being. It explores how early life traumatic events can rewire the nervous system, leading to persistent challenges that manifest as various physical symptoms and emotional dysregulation.

1. Understanding Trauma’s Pervasive Reach

Trauma is not merely a psychological scar; it is a profound alteration of the entire human organism. Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes that traumatic experiences are far more common than generally acknowledged, ranging from child abuse and domestic violence to war and natural disasters.

He notes that:

  • One in five Americans was sexually molested as a child
  • One in four was beaten by a parent to the point of a mark being left on their body
  • One in three couples engages in physical violence.

These statistics underscore trauma as a pervasive public health issue.

The book argues that while humans are incredibly resilient, traumatic events leave indelible traces on our minds, emotions, biology, and even our immune systems.

This broad understanding of trauma extends beyond the immediate psychological distress, illustrating how it impacts an individual’s capacity for joy, intimacy, and overall well-being. The author asserts that the struggle and resilience of his patients are deeply moving, demonstrating the human capacity to endure and seek healing.

2. The Brain’s Altered Landscape in Trauma

One of the most profound contributions of The Body Keeps the Score is its detailed exploration of how traumatic experiences literally rewire the brain. Advances in neuroscience, particularly brain imaging, have provided irrefutable evidence of these physiological changes. The book explains that trauma compromises the brain areas responsible for basic self-awareness and the accurate filtering of information.

The brain’s alarm system, primarily centered in the amygdala, becomes recalibrated in traumatized people. This leads to a state of being hypervigilant to threat, even when no actual danger is present.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and executive function, can go “offline” during traumatic flashbacks, impairing the ability to think logically and put feelings into words. This neurobiological shift explains why trauma survivors often struggle with learning from experience and repeatedly face similar problems.

3. How the Body Keeps the Score: A Physical Imprint

The core premise of Bessel van der Kolk’s work is that trauma is “encoded in the viscera,” meaning it profoundly affects our bodily sensations and physical reality. The autonomic nervous system (ANS), comprising the sympathetic (accelerator) and parasympathetic (brake) branches, becomes dysregulated.

This leads to persistent physical symptoms such as chronic pain, fibromyalgia, and even heart disease, as the body remains in a perpetual state of defense.

A crucial concept is interoception, the ability to feel and interpret internal bodily sensations. Traumatized individuals often lose this connection, leading to alexithymia—the inability to put feelings into words. They may experience physical discomfort without understanding its emotional root, or become so adept at numbing themselves that they lose touch with pleasure as well as pain.

The book vividly illustrates how these deeply ingrained physiological responses are outside conscious control, emphasizing that “the act of telling the story doesn’t necessarily alter the automatic physical and hormonal responses of bodies that remain hypervigilant, prepared to be assaulted or violated at any time.”

4. Childhood Trauma: The Hidden Epidemic

Childhood trauma, including neglect, sexual abuse, and domestic violence, is presented as a hidden epidemic with devastating long-term consequences. Van der Kolk highlights findings from the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study, which revealed a strong correlation between early adverse experiences and a multitude of adult physical and mental health problems, including chronic depression, alcoholism, substance abuse, and even heart disease and cancer. The study showed that “for every soldier who serves in a war zone abroad, there are ten children who are endangered in their own homes.”

The development of secure attachment in early childhood is crucial for a child’s sense of self and capacity for self-regulation. When caregivers are a source of terror or neglect, children often develop disorganized attachment patterns.

These patterns, characterized by a fundamental lack of safety and trust, lead to pervasive dysregulation in emotional brain functions, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships, regulate their arousal, and maintain focus. Such traumatized children often struggle to distinguish between safety and danger, leading to repeated cycles of revictimization.

5. The Unbearable Weight of Traumatic Memories and Re-enactment

Traumatic memories differ significantly from ordinary memories. Instead of being organized as a coherent narrative, they are often fragmented, stored as isolated sensory imprints: images, sounds, physical sensations, and overwhelming emotions.

This fragmentation is linked to the deactivation of Broca’s area (the speech center) and the frontal lobes during overwhelming events. This means trauma survivors often experience flashbacks where they literally re-live the event as if it were happening in the present, complete with physiological arousal and the original emotions.

The book delves into the concept of dissociation, where parts of the overwhelming experience are split off from conscious awareness. This can manifest as depersonalization (feeling detached from oneself) or derealization (feeling that reality is unreal).

This “speechless horror” makes it incredibly difficult for traumatized people to articulate their experiences, leading to a “cover story” that fails to capture the inner truth. The “compulsion to repeat” trauma, where individuals unwittingly re-enact aspects of their past in current relationships or behaviors, is also explored as a desperate, often unconscious, attempt to gain control over unbearable feelings.

6. Embracing Holistic Paths to Recovery: Mind-Body Connection

A central theme of The Body Keeps the Score is the necessity of a holistic approach to trauma treatment. Van der Kolk argues that traditional talk therapy alone is often insufficient, as the rational brain cannot simply “talk” the emotional brain out of its deeply ingrained responses. True healing of trauma requires engaging the entire organism—body, mind, and brain—through both “top-down” and “bottom-up” approaches.

  • Top-down processing involves strengthening the prefrontal cortex’s capacity to understand and make sense of internal experiences, fostering self-awareness and cognitive control.
  • Bottom-up processing focuses on recalibrating the autonomic nervous system by directly addressing bodily sensations and physiological arousal. This involves practices that help the body learn that the danger has passed and that it is safe to relax.

The goal is to restore the proper balance between the rational and emotional brains, enabling trauma survivors to regain self-leadership and feel in charge of their responses and lives.

7. Innovative Therapeutic Interventions for Trauma

The book explores a diverse array of interventions that target the various ways trauma is held in the body and mind:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR is presented as a powerful method for processing traumatic memories. It involves bilateral stimulation (often eye movements) while the client focuses on distressing memories. The theory suggests this process mimics the memory reprocessing that occurs during REM sleep, allowing traumatic memories to be integrated into a coherent narrative rather than remaining fragmented and overwhelming. Clinical studies, including van der Kolk’s own, showed EMDR to be highly effective, often leading to significant symptom reduction and long-term improvements in trauma survivors, even outperforming certain medications like Prozac.

Yoga and Mindfulness

Yoga is highlighted as a potent tool for trauma recovery by helping traumatized people to safely inhabit their bodies. Through conscious breathing (pranayama) and postures (asanas), yoga cultivates self-awareness and directly impacts the nervous system, improving heart rate variability (HRV) and regulating arousal.

Mindfulness, a core component of yoga, teaches individuals to observe their physical sensations and emotions without judgment, fostering emotional regulation and increasing the “window of tolerance” for difficult feelings. This bottom-up approach helps to counter the numbing and hyperarousal often experienced by trauma survivors.

Neurofeedback: Rewiring the Brain

Neurofeedback is introduced as a cutting-edge trauma treatment that directly addresses dysregulated brain waves. By providing real-time feedback on brain activity, individuals can learn to rewire their brains, promoting more coherent patterns of electrical communication.

This can stabilize the brain’s alarm system, improve focus and attention, and reduce chronic hyperarousal. Neurofeedback offers a promising avenue for traumatized children and adults to overcome issues like concentration problems, emotional instability, and dissociation, by literally changing the brain’s functioning.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

IFS offers a compassionate framework for understanding the “parts” of oneself that develop in response to traumatic experiences. This model posits that the mind is a complex system, like a family, with different parts (e.g., exiled, managerial, firefighting) that adopt extreme roles to protect the individual from pain.

IFS therapy aims to help trauma survivors access their undamaged “Self” (a core of compassion, curiosity, and calm) to heal wounded parts and integrate the fragmented self. This approach helps reduce internal conflict and enables individuals to regain self-leadership.

Psychomotor Therapy and Communal Rhythms

Psychomotor therapy and other body-based approaches, like somatic experiencing, help individuals reconnect with bodily sensations and complete thwarted self-protective actions. Through structured exercises and role-playing, participants can re-experience past traumatic events in a safe, contained environment, leading to a visceral sense of agency.

The book also emphasizes the healing of trauma through communal rhythms and shared experiences, such as theater, singing, and dancing. These collective activities foster muscular bonding, promote synchrony, and help restore a sense of belonging and safety among trauma survivors, combating the isolation that often accompanies profound hurt.

8. Societal Implications and the Path Forward

The Body Keeps the Score concludes by calling for a shift towards a trauma-conscious society. Bessel van der Kolk argues that trauma is “arguably the greatest threat to our national well-being,” with costs exceeding those of cancer or heart disease.

He criticizes the current health care system for often focusing on symptom management with drugs rather than addressing underlying causes and fostering self-regulation and genuine connection.

The book advocates for widespread prevention efforts, particularly for traumatized children, through early interventions, quality childcare, and trauma-informed schools. It stresses that understanding of trauma must move beyond individual pathology to acknowledge the “undeniable social causation” of many problems.

Ultimately, trauma recovery is about restoring the capacity for playfulness, curiosity, and meaningful relationships, recognizing that humans are fundamentally social creatures wired for cooperation and connection. True healing means rebuilding lives where individuals can feel safe, belong, and actively shape their own futures.

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Gabbie Egan’s Journey Through Bipolar Disorder and Alcohol and Marijuana Addiction Recovery

Gabbie Egan’s story is a powerful and candid exploration of the interconnectedness of mental health and substance use. Her journey, marked by early exposure to drugs and alcohol, a teenage pregnancy, and an eventual diagnosis of bipolar I disorder, offers a deeply personal insight into the complexities of recovery. Gabbie’s unflinching honesty about her struggles and triumphs serves as a beacon of hope, demonstrating that even through multiple setbacks, sustained effort can lead to profound healing and self-acceptance.

The Early Seeds of Struggle: Childhood and Adolescent Experiences

Gabbie’s introduction to substance use began at a remarkably young age, rooted in a combination of environmental factors and personal vulnerabilities. Growing up in a part of North Carolina with limited recreational outlets, drug and alcohol use became a prevalent coping mechanism among her peers. “I’m from a part of North Carolina where it’s like there’s nothing to do,” Gabbie recounts, “And so the only thing that people are really doing to keep themselves occupied is like getting messed up.”

Her home environment, while loving, also contributed to a sense of unmonitored freedom. With parents deeply engrossed in their careers, Gabbie, an only child, was often left to her “own devices.” This lack of direct parental supervision, combined with a pre-existing sadness, created fertile ground for experimentation. She began with cough medicine in sixth grade, quickly escalating to marijuana and prescription pills like Vicodin by the age of 11 or 12. This early exposure to various substances at such a formative age significantly shaped her developing brain and laid the groundwork for future struggles.

Beyond the external influences, Gabbie also grappled with internal battles. She describes herself as “a very sad kid” who experienced bullying and felt she never truly fit in. Her expulsion from Christian school in sixth grade after piercing her belly button further isolated her and plunged her into an environment where she was “in a pretty low place ever since I was a child.” Her mother, a loving but misguided figure, dismissed her emotional struggles, attributing them to a lack of gratitude or a “made-up” mental illness. This invalidation of her feelings compounded Gabbie’s internal turmoil and prevented her from seeking the help she desperately needed. As Gabbie poignantly shares, “My mom doesn’t believe in mental illness. And so that’s tough because then, yeah.”

The Unveiling of Bipolar Disorder: A Diagnosis and a Family Legacy

The first hint of Gabbie’s underlying mental health condition emerged at 16, following a severe alcohol-related incident. After blacking out and requiring a stomach pump, she was court-ordered to see a mental health specialist. It was during this session that a therapist suggested she might have bipolar I disorder. The therapist explained that bipolar I is characterized by “high highs of extreme mania and then extremely low lows that last and extended like a certain amount of time.” This explanation deeply resonated with Gabbie, as it accurately described her volatile emotional landscape. “I’m either extremely low, like, you know, on the verge of like wanting to literally end my life or, um, you know, extremely high thinking, I am Jesus, you know?” she candidly admits.

Despite this crucial insight, her mother’s continued denial of mental illness led Gabbie to dismiss the diagnosis at the time. “My mom’s like, this is just how they get you in the system. They’re trying to medicate you,” Gabbie recalls. This dismissal, coupled with a lack of proper follow-up, meant that Gabbie continued to navigate her life unmedicated and without professional support for her burgeoning mental health challenges.

Years later, a more definitive diagnosis of bipolar I disorder would come after another significant incident in Las Vegas. During what she believes was a manic episode, Gabbie experienced a blackout and woke up in jail in a straightjacket, unable to recall the events that led her there. This terrifying experience, combined with the intense public scrutiny and hate she received online, propelled her to seek help on her own terms. It was through this process that she received an official diagnosis and began to truly understand the nature of her condition.

This second, undeniable encounter with her diagnosis allowed her to confront the reality of her mental health, a reality her grandmother had hinted at, revealing a family history of untreated mental illness. “I had went to my grandmother, who I’m really close with, and I had told her and she said, I think that that’s what my mom had,” Gabbie shares, adding, “My grandmother’s mom actually ended up jumping off of a bridge or off of a building in France when she was growing up and committed suicide because she had so many untreated mental health conditions.” This generational understanding provided a crucial piece of the puzzle, helping Gabbie contextualize her own struggles and recognize that her experiences were not merely “crazy” but rooted in a legitimate medical condition.

Explore bipolar disorder treatment options.

The Intertwined Paths of Substance Use and Mental Health

Gabbie’s narrative vividly illustrates the intricate relationship between substance use and mental health. Her early experimentation with drugs and alcohol served as a form of self-medication for her untreated depression and the chaotic emotional swings of undiagnosed bipolar disorder. The substances provided a temporary escape from the pain, isolation, and overwhelming feelings she couldn’t articulate or understand.

Her pregnancy at 13, giving birth just before turning 14, further intensified her struggles. As a teen mom, Gabbie faced immense pressure and isolation. She juggled high school, childcare, and the emotional burden of being an outcast among her peers. While she excelled as a mother to her son, other aspects of her life crumbled. “Everything else in my life would be completely falling apart. And every aspect. I was a horrible friend. I was a horrible partner. I was a horrible daughter to my parents. Just ’cause I was just like so just like in the trenches, but I was a great mom to my son,” she reflects.

During periods when her son was with his grandparents, Gabbie would resort to heavy drinking, often to the point of blacking out. These episodes were a desperate attempt to cope with the immense emotional distress and the deep void she felt. The incident at 16, where she was found unconscious and her stomach pumped, was a direct consequence of this self-destructive pattern.

Even joining the military at 17, an attempt to “fix” herself, didn’t provide the escape she hoped for. “Substance abuse just followed me into the military,” she admits. Her ability to function, even at the height of her addiction, is a testament to the high-functioning nature often seen in individuals with underlying mental health conditions. She graduated high school a year early, maintaining her academic responsibilities while engaging in significant substance abuse. “People don’t think that you can be functioning, but you can, you can do everything that you’re supposed to be doing and you can show up in every single way,” Gabbie emphasizes, recounting how she would complete school papers while “tripping balls” on acid. This period underscores the dangerous dance between her mental health challenges and her substance use, where each exacerbated the other, creating a vicious cycle.

Navigating Mania and Depression: The Bipolar Experience

Gabbie’s account of living with bipolar I disorder provides a raw and honest glimpse into the extremes of the condition. She describes her manic episodes as periods of intense energy and productivity, often accompanied by a feeling of invincibility. “I have all these ideas and I’m just like, I can stay up for days straight working on a project, a new project, a new business idea, a new something,” she explains. However, these highs are often accompanied by erratic and risky behaviors, including her two arrests, which she believes occurred during manic states. “The things that I have gotten myself into when I feel like I’m the hottest shit. I mean, I’ve gone to jail two times and I, I do believe that both of the times that I went to jail, I was like in a manic episode,” she reveals. During these manic phases, sleep becomes minimal or nonexistent, and she often reaches a state of “blackout” where she has no recollection of her actions.

The crash that follows these manic highs is equally debilitating. Gabbie describes it as a complete physical and emotional collapse, leaving her “completely debilitated.” The overwhelming feeling of paralysis, the inability to move forward with the projects started during mania, is a common experience for individuals with bipolar disorder. “It’s like now I’m halfway through all these projects and I have no energy for anything anymore, and I can’t do anything. And I just feel stuck,” she articulates, likening it to ADHD paralysis where the sheer volume of tasks leads to an inability to start any of them.

Gabbie’s journey with medication also highlights the complexities of treatment for bipolar disorder. While acknowledging that medication is beneficial for many, she shares her personal struggles with various prescriptions like Seroquel and Abilify. These medications, while addressing some symptoms, often left her feeling “like I wasn’t even human anymore,” turning her into a “zombie” or making her feel “boring.” This experience underscores the importance of individualized treatment plans and the ongoing search for the right balance between managing symptoms and maintaining a sense of self.

The Path to Recovery: Resilience, Acceptance, and Self-Worth

Despite the numerous setbacks and deep troughs of despair, Gabbie’s story is ultimately one of remarkable resilience and a profound journey toward self-acceptance. Her early and repeated failures in attempts at sobriety ultimately paved the way for a lasting recovery. “It doesn’t matter how many times you’re trying to recover, as long as you’re putting in the effort one day, it will stick if you really want it,” she advises, a testament to her own experience. She has learned to reframe failures not as endpoints, but as integral parts of her process, emphasizing that “you can fail a million times and still try again.”

Gabbie’s recovery extends beyond sobriety; it encompasses a deeper understanding and management of her bipolar disorder. She has learned to recognize the onset of her manic and depressive episodes, developing coping mechanisms to navigate them. This self-awareness allows her to mitigate the impact of the extreme highs and lows, recognizing when she needs to slow down or when she needs to push through the paralysis of depression by taking small, actionable steps.

Crucially, Gabbie has learned to distinguish between understanding her diagnosis and using it as an excuse for harmful behavior. While acknowledging that bipolar disorder explains certain aspects of her actions, she asserts, “it doesn’t excuse all my actions.” This mature perspective allows her to take accountability for her behavior while still working to manage her condition. She recognizes that the goal is not to eliminate the “crazy” but to “learn to manage that rather than make excuses for that.”

Today, Gabbie is a recovery advocate who openly shares her story, creating a space for others to find solace and understanding. She is a testament to the power of authentic vulnerability, demonstrating that healing is not about becoming a perfect version of oneself, but about embracing all facets of one’s experience. Her journey of “coming undone and rebuild[ing], to tell the truth out loud, and to never let go of your own becoming” serves as a powerful inspiration for anyone navigating the complexities of mental health and addiction recovery. Her story emphasizes that true recovery is a continuous process of learning, adapting, and ultimately, loving the person you are becoming, flaws and all.