Category: Prepare for Healing

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Coping with Family Dynamics in Recovery 

Family dynamics can cause stress for anyone, but that can be especially true for those in recovery. Some families have positive dynamics, while some do not1. Both factors can impact your overall health. Your family’s dynamic will affect your relationships, interactions, and your roles in the family. 

A positive family dynamic includes helpful, clear, and positive interpersonal interactions. You’ll feel secure in their love and in your role as a son, daughter, mother, father, aunt, grandparent, et cetera. Love and respect flow reciprocally and if an issue arises, you work it out with each other’s best interests in mind. 

Stressful dynamics involve unclear communication, disrespect, and negative interpersonal interactions. They can make family gatherings difficult and cause avoidance between family members. Knowing the family roles in addiction can help you avoid triggering family members, or ones who may negatively impact your recovery.

You can prepare for any situation by arming yourself with coping strategies, communication tactics, and other tools. With these in-hand, you can feel more confident and ultimately enjoy time and events with family.

Understanding Family Stressors

Stressors can affect your family dynamic, sometimes adversely. Examples of stressors within families include

  • Grief and loss. If you’ve lost a loved one, your family may struggle to cope and feel their loss especially hard when you all come together.
  • Stressful/unstable relationships with loved ones. Past arguments or misunderstandings with loved ones could keep an undertow of strain around. 
  • Side-forming. If/when conflict does arise, you may feel pressure to take the side of one of the people involved. This can create “groups” in your family—people on one side and those on the other. When groups interact, it could feel stressful. 
  • Distant relationships. You may feel the urge to connect with a loved one, but have a distant relationship that’s hard to navigate and change. 
  • Pressure to drink in social situations. Many cultures celebrate with alcohol, which can cause stress for those in recovery and make it difficult to know the signs you are drinking too much. 
  • Misunderstanding/no understanding of recovery. If your loved ones don’t understand your situation and what you’ve been through, it could be uncomfortable or unproductive to discuss. Rather than understanding and compassion, you may face judgment and confusion. 

Being aware of these stressors before you enter a family gathering, answer a phone call from a loved one, or interact with them another way can help you prepare. Then, you can walk in with confidence and leave not feeling overwhelmed or triggered.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Try to keep your expectations realistic as you meet up/talk with family. For example, you can expect to not be offered a drink and not be pressured into drinking, rather than expecting everyone to abstain from alcohol entirely. 

You can also adjust your expectations of relationships. If you have a poor relationship with an aunt, for example, you can stay realistic and not expect your relationship to completely change after seeing them. You may expect a step in the right direction, but not a complete 180º. 

You can also develop more positive ways of thinking, so you can go into these interactions with the right mindset. For example, don’t expect to have a falling-out or argument with a family member that has a history of being difficult. You could inadvertently set yourself up for arguments and keep yourself from a position of restoration and forgiveness (as applicable). 

Instead, you can set flexible, realistic expectations for yourself. Don’t expect yourself to handle every conversation and situation perfectly. Keep your main goals in mind, like maintaining your recovery, and count them as your main priorities. Decide what’s most important to you and let that guide your expectations. 

Communication Strategies

Clear communication2 can help both the sender and receiver have a productive, well-understood conversation. Miscommunication, where the message is unclear or not understood, can cause tension and upset a positive family dynamic. 

Try not to make assumptions as a listener, like what’s best for the speaker. Put yourself in their shoes as much as you’re able. Try to also listen actively, without thinking of what you’ll say back as they’re speaking. 

As a speaker, focus on careful word choice, not making assumptions, and not cutting off your listener if they speak up. Practice empathy and keep yourself as calm as you can.

You can prioritize clear communication in any one of your family relationships, especially about what you need and your boundaries. Examples could look like this:

“I won’t be drinking tonight, but I appreciate you giving us the opportunity.”

“To protect my mental health and boundaries, I won’t be talking to ____.”

“I’m really glad you called me. If you have time, would you want to discuss ____?”

“No thank you, I can’t do that because I’m in recovery.”

“I would love to talk with you at another time, but I am not able to now.” 

Establishing Boundaries

Setting and maintaining boundaries with your family can help you stay confident with your choices and avoid situations that make you feel uncomfortable. They can even help you maintain sobriety3. 

Boundaries can also help you stay emotionally well, especially when talking to loved ones with strong emotional ties. Since those loved ones can impact your emotional health more than most people can, it can be even more important to set up boundaries with them. A solid boundary can keep you from becoming emotionally burnt out, stressed, and unhappy. 

Establishing boundaries can feel intimidating at first, but you can do it. These tips can help you get more comfortable with setting and maintaining boundaries:

  1. Write down your boundaries and the reasons behind them. 
  2. Write down who your boundaries will apply to most (your mother, sister, great aunt?)
  3. Practice saying them aloud; this can help you get used to how a conversation about your boundaries might go.
  4. Identify the goals of your boundaries—what are they helping you achieve?

Here’s a conversation sample of setting and maintaining a boundary about drinking:

“No, I can’t have a drink with you. I’m in recovery and care about staying sober.”

“I am confident in my commitment to not drink and don’t feel the need to explain why.”

“No, I’m not able to talk about that now.”

“I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.”

Handling Uncomfortable Conversations

Uncomfortable conversations can arise in even the most loving, positive family dynamics. If you have strained relationships or polarizing opinions, avoiding uncomfortable conversations may not be possible. But that’s okay; you can prepare and meet them with confidence. 

If an uncomfortable conversation arises, try to stay calm and aware of your emotions. This can help you formulate a response with a level head. Try as best you can to not take offensive words personally, and don’t reply with the same. Short, calm responses can help dissipate tension and keep your boundaries firm.

Sometimes, loved ones don’t mean to make a conversation uncomfortable, or they may start an awkward conversation by accident. This can be especially true regarding recovery and your decision to not drink or use substances. In those cases, you can prepare a few graceful ways to respond, affirm your boundaries, and correct misconceptions. Here’s a few examples:

“You’re right, I’m not drinking. I’m actually in recovery and have been enjoying life without alcohol.”

“I haven’t had anything to drink because I’m in recovery. I don’t drink at all to maintain the sobriety I worked hard for.” 

“No, I don’t use drugs anymore. I used to, but I’m now in recovery and make different choices.”

“No thank you, I’m actually in recovery from alcohol use disorder and abstain from drinking to maintain my sobriety.” 

Seeking Support

You may have a negative family dynamic, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have people that support you. Building and maintaining a strong support system can help you cope with negative family dynamics and strengthen a positive one. Your support system could include friends, sober peers, sponsors, and specific support groups (like Alcoholics Anonymous). 

A strong support system can help you manage the ups and downs of any family dynamic, and give you the opportunity to grow your chosen family. You can also strengthen your relationships with related loved ones by going to family and couples therapy and grow your support system that way. Internal family systems (IFS) therapy can help you learn about your inner family, too, and how your different parts interact.

Practicing Self-Care

Taking care of yourself can help you navigate your family dynamics. Staying true to yourself can make your interpersonal relationships more genuine and positive.

If your family dynamics cause stress and dysfunction, you have ways to manage the stress. First, you can seek professional help and learn more about stress and addiction. Then, you can practice simple self-care practices like:

  • Mindfulness and meditation
  • Breathing exercises to calm the body and mind
  • Taking a break from your phone and/or social media
  • Reading a book
  • Cooking nutritious meals
  • Saying no to events or activities to give you time to relax

Reflecting on Progress

Positivity and hope help you and your interpersonal relationships with family. Reflect on your recovery journey and what you’ve accomplished. Recognition from your family may be great, but you don’t need it to make your achievement impressive and real. Remind yourself of this as often as you need to.

You can also reflect on positive progress in your family dynamic, however small. Maybe you feel closer to one of your family members than you did before. Maybe a new baby shifted your dynamic into a happier one. Maybe you were able to distance yourself from someone toxic. Note these positive changes to remind yourself how things can move forward. This can encourage and empower you, even in the midst of a negative family dynamic.

You can reflect through meditation, journaling, talking with someone, or all 3. Creative expression can be a tool for reflection, too.
As you reflect and remember the positives, know you can get help, too. Family therapy can improve your family dynamics and relationships with your loved ones. Browse our list of treatment centers with family therapy to see pricing, photos, reviews, and more.

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101 Ways to Jump Into Recovery for the New Year

As the new year dawns, it’s an opportune moment to consider recovery and let it transform your life. At Recovery.com, we are committed to empowering you with practical strategies to jump into recovery. Our comprehensive guide offers you 101 practical ways to start and support your recovery, encompassing various aspects of well-being. Wherever you may be in your journey, remember to: 

  • First and foremost, remember to be honest. Find someone you can be brutally honest with about your recovery and all its ups and downs. The journey won’t be perfect, and that’s alright. 
  • Seek professional help and support. You can use our website, Recovery.com, to find treatment that meets your needs. 
  • Set realistic and achievable goals.
  • Practice and prioritize self-care.
  • Nourish your body.
  • Listen to your mind-body-spirit and heart.

Educational Resources

Books, articles, videos and websites can provide information on a variety of topics related to addiction and mental health. These resources can be helpful for people struggling with addiction or mental health issues, as well as for their families and friends. They can educate on the causes of addiction and mental health disorders, the different types of treatment available, and how to coexist and cope with these conditions. Here are some websites and articles to get you started: 

1. Recovery.com Resource Library

2. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

3. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

4. The American Psychological Association (APA)

5. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

6. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA)

7. The Suicide Prevention Resource Center

8. Consider furthering your education as an investment in yourself (and/or your loved one). Obtaining a certificate, academic degree, or simply engaging in general continuing education are all great ways to do this and learn more about recovery.

Crisis Support

Crisis support provides immediate help to people who are experiencing a crisis or traumatic event. Crisis support can help people cope with strong emotions, develop/recall/access a safety plan, and practice healthy coping mechanisms. It can also help people connect with resources and services that can provide ongoing support. Here are a few to get you started: 

9. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: call 988

10. The Crisis Text Line: text 741741

11. SAMHSA’s free, confidential helpline for addiction and mental health needs: call 1-800-662-4357

12. National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-787-3224

Lifestyle Changes

Lifestyle changes, big and small, can help you improve your overall wellbeing. When you make these changes, you can help improve your mood, reduce the risk of, and/or better manage, depression, anxiety, and stress. And, you can improve your overall quality of life. 

13. Eat a healthy diet rich in fruits, vegetables, grains, and proteins.

14. Commit to regular exercise. 

15. Aim for good quality sleep, then focus on the quantity that works for you (learn more below!)

16. Reduce stress with relaxation techniques.

17. Spend time with loved ones. 

18. Prioritize hobbies and other activities that bring you joy.

19. Seek professional mental health or addiction help. You can use our website, Recovery.com, to browse treatment centers and connect with one that meets your needs.  

20. Prioritize healthy, recovery-conducive online and in-person environments.

21. Purposefully spend time offline and away from social media. 

Physical Health Focus 

Our physical health plays a significant role in our mental health and well-being. We are more likely to feel good about ourselves and to have a more optimistic outlook on life as we work on improving and maintaining good physical health. Consider these suggestions and tools to get you started: 

22. Create an exercise plan that fits your lifestyle, so you can commit to it regularly and consistently. 

23. Create a weekly meal plan, so you can eat well and nourish your body. 

24. Spend time in nature, even if it’s your local park. 

25. Practice stretching and yoga. 

26. Try a new physical activity to keep you excited and engaged, such as martial arts or dance.

27. Join a gym or fitness center.

28. Have an accountability partner and/or workout buddy. 

29. Consider hiring a personal trainer or signing up for an online fitness course. 

30. Take scheduled breaks from technology. 

31. Make an effort to be physically active each day, like going on a quick walk or taking the stairs. Small efforts add up!

32. Monitor your progress. Wearable technology, like a fitness watch, can help you track and log workouts, what you eat, and even how much sleep you’re getting.  

Food & Nutrition 

Good food and nutrition are essential for overall health and the recovery journey. A healthy diet can help improve mood, energy levels, and sleep quality1. It can also help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression2. Nutrients are important for brain health and can help improve cognitive function as well. Here are some suggestions to get you started: 

33. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. 

34. Choose whole grains over refined grains. 

35. Limit unhealthy fats, like trans fat (preservative oils found in most processed foods) and saturated fats (whole milk, red meat, and cheese). 

36. Avoid added sugar. Look at a product’s nutrition label to see if there is added sugar.

37. When reading food labels, pay close attention to ingredient names that sound like chemicals. These ingredients may be harmful to your health, so it’s important to be aware of them and avoid them if possible.

38. Eat when you’re hungry, and be mindful of your body’s hunger and satiety signals.

39. Consistently eating enough to fuel your mind and body—and if you struggle to eat enough, be sure to tell your doctor.

40. Stay hydrated. Each person needs a unique amount of water to stay hydrated, but you can aim to drink before and after every meal and have a cup every hour.

41. Eat a variety of healthy foods that will nourish your mind and body. 

42. Cook at home more often. Try ordering meal kits or shopping regularly for a few key items.

43. Be mindful of your eating habits, and consider a meal planning tracker/tool. 

44. Consider consulting a nutritionist or dietician to help you with your dietary goals.

45. You can test for food allergies using online kits and resources. Knowing what your body does and doesn’t process well, or at all, can help you plan meals tailored to your body. 

Self-Reflection and Spiritual Practice 

Self-reflection and spiritual practice can contribute to a healthy and fulfilling life. Such practices can help with examining our thoughts, feelings and actions, and ultimately, gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. Self-reflection and spiritual practice can also serve as coping mechanisms and tools to cope with stress, depression and anxiety. There are many different ways to practice self-reflection and spiritual growth. It is important to find practices that work for you. Here are some suggestions to get you started on finding yours:

46. Start by listening to yourself. Take time daily to process your own emotions and needs.

47. Consider utilizing other modes of expression to connect with yourself and your beliefs, like art, singing, and dancing.

48. Surround yourself with positive people that lift you up and offer support. 

49. Set up boundaries to maintain your positivity and goals. 

50. Practice gratitude. You can write down 5+ things you’re grateful for as soon as you wake up, before you go to bed, or before you meditate. 

51. Consider journaling. You can write down thoughts and process strong emotions as they come, or set a time each day to journal. 

52. Learn to forgive yourself and focus on progress, not perfection. Believe in yourself and remind yourself where you are, where you started, and where you’re on the way to being.

53. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and support from others. 

54. Meditation, prayer, and connecting with nature can help you quiet your mind and focus on the present moment while expressing your thoughts and feelings.

55. Celebrate your successes! 

56. Seek community in your religious group of preference. Some organizations have weekly groups and resources specifically for recovery. 

Mental Health & Wellness 

Improving your mental health can help you avoid relapses and better your overall well-being. One of your best resources for mental wellness is therapy and connecting with mental health professionals. But, you can also use practices and tools to improve your mental health and compliment what you’re learning in therapy. Here’s a few options to consider:

57. Practice mindfulness and meditation. 

58. Seek out a mental health professional based on your needs. Setting an appointment with a therapist, counselor, or psychologist can help you heal.

59. Create a toolbox of resources to help with relaxation, stress management, and more. 

60. Be open to new, healthy, coping mechanisms and tools that can help you grow as a person. 

61. Be proud of your progress!

62. Connect with others. 

63. Identify your stress management emergency plan (hint: keep your wellness toolbox handy).

64. Remember, recovery is a journey, not a destination. There will be ups and downs, and that is ok. Don’t give up!

65. Tap into your creativity to express emotions. You can try painting, drawing, doodling, embroidery, writing, poetry, and so much more.

Sleep Optimization & Hygiene  

Sleep hygiene is very important. But as you explore improving it, think about it this way: work on the quality first, then focus on quantity. The important highlights are consistency and rhythm of routine. Once the quality of your sleep improves, you work on sleeping more.  Recommendations often state 7-8 hours of sleep, but we may need more or less as we go through various stages of life. Listening to this, and analyzing why, is important. Here’s some other tips to bear in mind: 

66. Wake up at the same time every morning.

67. Create a bedtime routine that you can stick to daily. 

68. Try to view light from the sunrise and sunset each day. This helps realign your melatonin release system.

69. Limit screen time for at least one hour before bed.

70. Limit blue and white for at least 2 hours before bedtime–dim your lights or enjoy candlelight to stimulate melatonin release.

71. Read a boring book to help you get sleepy. Don’t read something that will get your heart rate going—think educational books, autobiographies, or most non-fiction novels. 

72. Create a comfortable, soothing environment to sleep. Remember, your bed/bedroom is your sleeping sanctuary. Set the mood with ambient lighting, essential oils, and soft music.

73. Exercise can help make you more tired at bedtime. Consider activities like yoga, walking, jogging, or any other physical activity you like. 

74. Address any sleep concerns you may have, like sleep apnea.

75. Don’t read the news, watch TV, or engage in other exciting activities before bed. 

76. Make sure your bed is only used for sleeping—don’t work, eat, or lounge on your bed unless you’re lying down to sleep.

77. Set a morning routine that gives you plenty of time to complete morning chores and settle into your day. This can make waking up less stressful.

78. Take prescribed or herbal supplements as recommended/prescribed by your doctor. Be sure to take them only as prescribed.

79. If you aren’t falling asleep or feeling very sleepy within 30 minutes, get up and walk around, have a soothing beverage, or read a calming book until you start feeling tired.

80. Consider setting up a white noise machine or wearing earplugs if small noises wake you up and disrupt your sleep.

81. Prioritize sleep and maintain your bedtime routine—make new plans with friends or go home a little earlier to get to bed on time.

82. Some people experience ASMR (​​autonomous sensory meridian response) in response to visuals and sounds, which can make you feel relaxed and sleepy. You can try watching ASMR videos on YouTube or other video platforms.

83. If you’re struggling to consistently get 7-8 hours of sleep, or don’t feel rested after your usual hours of sleep, you can seek professional help from a doctor, psychiatrist, or sleep psychologist.

84. Meditate! When your thoughts wander and become stressful, practice meditation or pray to center yourself and change your focus.

Stress Management

Managing stress can help you cope with triggers and stressful events without turning to substances to cope. Stress management can help during small issues and big life events, making it a valuable tool for your recovery toolkit. Here’s a few ideas to jumpstart your toolkit:

85. Make it a habit to journal each day to process your day, reflect on what you’ve accomplished, and identify your goals for tomorrow.

86. Take small breaks as you work or study.

87. Spend time in nature as often as you can. On one of your breaks, for example, you could step outside or out on your balcony.

88. Make time to walk, play with, or snuggle your pets. Pets can soothe stress and calm your body.

89. Set up regular therapy appointments to discuss what’s stressing you and to learn practical coping skills.

90. Practice mindfulness and meditation throughout the day. This could be as simple as 2 minutes of deep, conscious breathing.

91. Eat well; prioritize healthy foods to nourish your mind and body.

92. Avoid or consume less caffeine and sugar. Caffeine in particular can make you jittery and more anxious. 

93. Talk to a friend or loved one about your day.

94. Try new hobbies, like baking, crocheting, or painting to soothe stress and enjoy a creative outlet.

95. Listen to upbeat music or anything that lifts your mood. This could be a podcast, too.

96. Create a stress log and jot down what happened during the day and what your levels of stress were. This can help you identify pain points and move forward with healing.

97. Drink water throughout the day to keep your body hydrated and in homeostasis.

98. Set up a cozy, comfortable place in your home and pick up a good book.

99. Optimize your environment to reduce stress—decorate, light candles, open your windows, and more to make it a place you can go to for comfort.

100. Write down a list of activities, things, or people that you know help alleviate stress to keep all your coping tools quick and easy to access.

101. Connect with peer support before, during and after treatment. You may use an app, attend a recovery peer support meeting, or connect with an online group of people in recovery.

Contributions by Sarah Shawaker and Grace Ogren

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Navigating Therapy: 11 Tips for Finding the Right Therapist

Finding the right therapist opens a myriad of available treatment types, session formats, and positive therapeutic relationships in your area. It’s the first step on what could be an effective healing journey.

Finding a therapist that fits your needs isn’t always a streamlined process, but it can be. Keep these 11 tips in mind as you start your search to feel empowered in your decision. 

#1: Self-Reflect 

Reflect on your needs and what your goals are in therapy. Do you need help with depressive symptoms? Are you looking to gain coping tools for stress? Or do you know you simply need someone to talk to? 

Take a few moments to identify and write down what you need from therapy. Depending on what you find, it can make your process simpler. For example, if you can identify you need help healing from trauma, you can narrow your search down to therapists who specialize in trauma care.

#2: Determine Therapeutic Approach

Evidence-based therapeutic approaches include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and many more.  

Some therapists may also specialize in holistic approaches, like somatic experiencing and mindfulness-based CBT to better connect your mind and body. Therapists may also specialize in individual therapy or only offer group therapy.

Different approaches may match better with your personality and treatment goals. You can discuss your options with your primary care provider or a prospective therapist to learn more about what resonates with you.

#3: Consider Specializations

Therapists may specialize in certain forms of therapy or techniques. For instance, a therapist may specialize in EMDR or internal family systems (IFS) therapy. Therapists may earn specialized credentials or training to perform these types of therapy, or they may dedicate their career to a particular therapeutic approach and gain specialized experience over time.

You can look at a therapist’s bio to learn more about their experience and what they’ve specialized in. Ask them what their specialties are too. They may also have a badge of accreditation included on their profile. 

#4: Research Credentials

Licensed therapists will have any of the following licensure:

  • LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
  • LMFT: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
  • LPC: Licensed Professional Counselor
  • LMHC: Licensed Mental Health Counselor
  • LLP: Limited Licensed Practitioner (Psychologist)
  • LP: Licensed Psychologist 

Therapists need a master’s degree in psychology or counseling and pass a licensure exam. Licensed psychologists have their doctoral degree (PhD or PsyD) in psychology and pass a licensure exam. 

#5: Seek Recommendations

Ask your primary care physician for their recommendations on a therapist and the therapy approach that may meet your needs. You can also ask family and friends for their recommendations, which can be especially helpful for finding local support.

You can also check online platforms like the American Psychological Association, Yelp, and Google for reviews and summaries of what individual therapists offer. 

#6: Assess Compatibility

Researching a therapist may clue you into your compatibility. Or, you can assess your compatibility during your first session. If you don’t feel comfortable with your therapist, it’s important to find someone else. Having a positive therapeutic relationship can increase the benefits of therapy1 and help you heal. 

Keep in mind that you don’t have to stick with one therapist. You can stop at any time and look for a stronger connection elsewhere. 

If you’re compatible with your therapist, you’ll feel like you’re being heard and validated. You’ll feel comfortable speaking and sharing intimate details of your life or situation. You’ll also feel like your words or feelings won’t be judged, which can help you open up freely and experience more benefits. 

#7: Inquire About Therapeutic Approach

Ask your therapist about the approaches they use to hear it described in their own words. In an initial consultation or session, you can learn more about their approaches and why they’ve chosen to provide them. You can also ask about their treatment philosophy to learn more about why they do what they do, and if their motivations align with yours. 

If you have any questions about their approach, you can ask them in this session or in online communications with the therapist.

#8: Evaluate Communication Style

Everyone communicates differently, including therapists. Some may speak more bluntly and directly. Others may prioritize gentleness and will communicate more indirectly. 

You’ll typically discover your therapist’s communication style in your first session. If your communication styles align, you’re more likely to develop a positive therapeutic relationship. 

#9: Consider Logistics

To make therapy a practical endeavor, their office should be easily accessible and their services affordable. You can ask your therapist right away if they offer online sessions; their profile or webpage will typically mention this too. If you have to drive an hour to their office, it may be more difficult to commit to going. Expensive sessions can also deter consistent attendance.

Many therapists accept insurance to keep costs manageable. Consult with your insurance provider and their office to see if your plan will cover costs of treatment. In some cases, your plan will only require a small flat rate for each session.

Some therapists offer therapy online for greater accessibility. If you’re comfortable attending online, virtual sessions can offer flexibility and make treatment possible for those in rural areas or with disabilities.

#10: Trust Your Instincts

You may find a therapist with all the skills and qualifications you feel you need. They could have decades of experience and a fancy office. But that doesn’t mean they’ll be the right fit for you—if anything feels off, trust your instincts and look elsewhere. 

Pursue therapists you form a genuine connection with. You’ll likely notice this right away, or at least within your first 2 sessions. You’ll intuitively feel comfortable with them and open to sharing.

#11: Stay Open to Exploration

You have as many chances as you need to find a therapist you connect with—it’s not something you have to get right in your first try. You can adjust your expectations by remaining open to the idea of trying new therapists. The first one may not be the right fit, and that’s okay. Keep trying.

Pursuing a stronger therapeutic relationship or a different therapeutic approach can benefit your healing and potential for growth. You can continue self-reflection as you attend therapy to ensure your therapist meets your needs and you’re both achieving set goals.  


More intensive care options, like residential rehabs, offer individual therapy as well. You can browse behavioral health centers with individualized care and see prices, insurance options, and reviews.

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Empathy with Boundaries

Having empathy for people you love, and even those you don’t know, is important to form and maintain deep relationships. Learning healthy empathy and setting boundaries can help keep positive relationships between you and your loved ones.

Dr. Kristen Neff1, an expert in empathy and self-compassion, dives into this topic through her research. She wrote a book called Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself2 about these ideas and created a program called Mindful Self-Compassion to help people live aligned with their goals, motivations, and happiest selves.

Using her research as a basis, you can learn to set boundaries, practice self-compassion, and care for your loved ones and your well-being.

Why Is It Important to Set Boundaries?

Boundaries are the emotional, physical, and mental limits you can establish to maintain your well-being. You can, and should, set boundaries with everyone from your spouse to the stranger on the street. 

By creating boundaries, you can prioritize what’s most important to you by aligning your thoughts and actions with your values. Identifying and communicating your needs can boost your emotional and mental well-being. And knowing your limits can also reduce stress, which can directly improve your physical health3.

Boundaries are not only important for yourself, but also for others. Boundaries foster respect and clear communication, which ensures that you and the other person are comfortable and feel seen, creating a stronger, healthier relationship. 

Balancing Empathy and Boundaries

Empathy allows you to understand and share another person’s feelings. It plays an important role in connecting with others, viewing experiences with a new perspective, and developing a deep understanding of yourself in the process.

Striking the balance between practicing empathy while maintaining personal boundaries can take some refining. It’s great to show empathy to others; however, some people may take advantage of that. Without boundaries, your empathy may overextend to the point of emotional burnout4. You may say “yes” to things you don’t want to, avoid conflict even when it’s necessary, and absorb others’ negative emotions.

Boundaries can provide a resolution. Expressing your feelings, acting on your values, and listening to your body are all ways to practice self-respect. Supporting others begins with supporting yourself.

Kristin Neff’s Approach to Balancing Empathy, Self-Compassion, and Boundaries

Dr. Neff’s work centers around the concept of self-compassion, which is treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. The 3 elements of self-compassion5 include 

  1. Being kind to yourself rather than judging, even if you make a mistake
  2. Recognizing that it’s part of the human experience to go through difficult times
  3. Practicing mindfulness in how your thoughts, feelings, and actions may positively or negatively impact your well-being

Utilizing this concept, Dr. Neff believes that prioritizing your mental, physical, and emotional health is essential to provide empathy and help to others. In fact, Kristen Neff’s research proved that when practicing self-compassion, you can be in a better position to help someone else6. When you are in a stable, happy state, you may be better at supporting loved ones. 

Setting boundaries can prioritize and protect your well-being. You can learn ways to recognize what your boundaries are, how to communicate them, and how to practice them, so you can be the best you can be for the other person and yourself.  

Strategies for Implementing Empathy with Boundaries

You can practice these techniques to honor your well-being and boundaries:

  1. Identify how much time, energy, and emotional support you can offer without compromising your mental health. This will set the basis for your boundaries. 
  2. Clearly communicate your boundaries to your loved ones. Describe ways that you will be able to show up for them. You may say,
    1. “I want to support you, but this is a difficult topic for me to talk about right now. Can we revisit it when I’m in a better headspace?”
    2. “I have a lot on my plate right now and need to focus on work. I won’t be available for social plans until the weekend. I hope you understand.”
  3. Practicing mindfulness7 can help you navigate others’ emotional responses. You’ll learn to be present with others’ emotions, while still honoring your own to avoid being overwhelmed.
  4. Keep some emotional distance. You can recognize and understand others’ feelings without absorbing them by realizing their emotions are their responsibility.
  5. Practice saying no when necessary. Establish clear limits on what you can take on, and recognize when additional commitments might hurt your well-being.

How Empathy with Healthy Boundaries can Change Your Life

Implementing boundaries can transform your relationships with loved ones and yourself. In addition to emotional health, you may foster greater resilience by staying true to your boundaries. Communicating your boundaries can hone your communication skills and help you be more open with others. And you may develop healthier, more authentic relationships. 

Find Additional Resources

You can browse Kristen Neff’s self-compassion exercises8 to see how self-kindness is the first step towards setting your boundaries. 

If you’re looking to learn more about how you can support yourself, or how you can care for others in need, visit our resource library.

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25 Recovery Quotes for the Christmas Season

Although addiction has no yearly time frame, the holidays can be a hard time for people with an addiction, those in recovery from substance use disorders, and their loved ones. Staying aware of recovery-related topics can help ensure that each family member or friend feels comfortable to celebrate. Discover recovery words of wisdom to inspire you this holiday season.

Recovery Quotes

Quote #1 

“Forgiving yourself, believing in yourself, and choosing to love yourself are the best gifts one could receive.” ― Brittany Burgunder

Quote #2 

“I am not defined by my relapses, but in my decision to remain in recovery despite them.” ― Anonymous 

Quote #3 

“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

Quote #4

“Be stronger than your strongest excuse. Be greater than your most negative voice.”

― Alan Maiccon

Quote #5

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” ― Abraham Lincoln

Quote #6

“It’s the days you have every right to break down and fall apart, yet choosing to show up anyway is what matters most. Don’t diminish the small steps that others can’t see.” ― Brittany Burgunder

Quote #7

“I am a great believer in luck, and I find that the harder I work the more luck I have.” ― Thomas Jefferson 

Quote #8

“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on―it is going on when you don’t have strength.” ― Napoléon Bonaparte

Quote #9

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” ― Confucius

Quote #10

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” ― J.K. Rowling

Quote #11

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quote #12

“One of the hardest things was learning that I was worth recovery.” ― Demi Lovato

Quote #13

“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ― Lao Tzu

Quote #14

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

Quote #15

”At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart or what’s keeping you together. ” ― Anonymous

Quote #16

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” ― Mark Twain

Quote #17

“Recovery is hard. Regret is harder.” ― Brittany Burgunder

Quote #18

“Every worthy act is difficult. Ascent is always difficult. Descent is easy and often slippery.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Quote #19

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” ― Alice Walker

Quote #20

“Don’t let the past steal your present.” ― Terri Guillemets

Quote #21

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” ― C.S. Lewis

Quote #22

“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.” ― Charlotte Whitton

Quote #23

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ― Lao Tzu

Quote #24

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ― Albert Einstein

Quote #25

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” ― Henry Ford

Recover in Love

Whether it’s the holiday season or not, you can always prioritize healing. Discover the best version of yourself by exploring and connecting with rehabs near you.

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What Is Gaslighting? Signs, Effects, and How to Protect Yourself

Gaslighting is a manipulative psychological tactic used to control others. The person gaslighting aims to make you feel “crazy” by undermining you, acting like you’re lying, or that you’re making things up. 

Their adamant denial and blame-shifting can make you distrust yourself, even to the point of feeling like you’ve lost your grip on reality. The person gaslighting may try to make you seem untrustworthy to other people too. 

Gaslighting can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, and between family members. Gaslighting isn’t always meant to cause harm, either. Some people may do it accidentally. But others use it as a tactic of manipulation.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is an attempt to make the other in the relationship feel or seem “crazy”1. It’s considered a subset of psychological abuse2. The gaslighter tries to create a surreal reality, one they control, to make the other feel like their beliefs and observations are both wrong and potentially nonexistent. 

The term arose from a movie adaptation of the play Gas Light, where a husband isolates his new wife and manipulates her into believing she’s gone insane. He dims the gas lights in their home only to insist she’s imagining it, claiming that as proof she’s gone insane. The wife eventually believes him.

Victims of gaslighting commonly feel confused1, disoriented, and like their reality has become distorted. This is what the gaslighter often intends. They gain control by “micro-regulating victims’ lives, self-concepts, and sense of reality”1. Over time, the victim may believe their gaslighter’s lies and view them as the only person who can define their reality. 

Gaslighters often separate their partner from the outside world2. They may lie and say no one wants them around, or that their friends are all no good. This makes their victim more vulnerable to manipulation, since no one else can point out their behavior and offer support. 

Not all gaslighting is done with ill-will. Sometimes, friends, family, and those you care about can unintentionally make you feel unheard or like your ideas aren’t important. It’s also possible to respectfully disagree with someone.

Healthy Disagreements Vs. Gaslighting

Two people can disagree or have different views in healthy, respectful ways. For example, you may disagree with someone’s opinion while still respecting their autonomy and beliefs. You both keep your opinions and work towards a middle ground. 

A gaslighter, instead of accepting the other’s different belief, would cruelly question the thoughts, emotions, and sanity behind their belief. Their goal is to “prove” the other’s opinion is wrong and not based in reality … because the gaslighter creates their own.  

You can firmly plant yourself in reality by knowing and recognizing the signs of gaslighting. 

Signs And Characteristics of Gaslighting

You can look for these signs of gaslighting3 in your partner and in other relationships in your life. 

  • Blatant, continued lies. If you point out the truth, they’ll wholeheartedly deny the lie and likely spin it to claim you’re lying. 
  • Making you doubt yourself through statements like, “You’re being too sensitive, you shouldn’t feel that way.”
  • Ignoring your feelings. 
  • Making you question your judgment.
  • Questioning your version of reality.
  • Isolating you from family and friends.
  • Confusing you through white lies and small acts of manipulation.
  • They say things like, “Really? Are you sure?”, “You only think that because you’re so sensitive.”, “That’s all in your head.”, or “You’re crazy.”

Gaslighting Tactics

Gaslighters often resort to specific strategies4 to challenge your reality. These include

  • Withholding, where they pretend they don’t understand you, accuse you of confusing them, or refuse to listen to you.
  • Countering, where they question your memory and the events you know happened. 
  • Blocking/Diverting, where they change the subject or accuse you of inventing/imagining a situation.
  • Trivializing, where they make your feelings and needs seem silly, wrong, or unimportant. 
  • Denial, where they pretend to forget what actually happened and deny the truth. 

Effects of Gaslighting on Victims

The victim of gaslighting, or the gaslightee, may experience serious effects5, like anxiety, low self-confidence, constant underlying fear, confusion, codependency, lack of trust, and psychological trauma. 

If you’ve been severely gaslit, you may even believe you are psychologically sick. Your gaslighter could convince you that your family thinks the same and wants you to get help. In your isolation and confusion, refuting their lies gets harder and harder. 

Even after you leave the relationship, the effects of gaslighting may stick around. You may need professional help to navigate how it makes you feel and how it’s affected your sense of self. A therapist can guide you through the journey and help you process the experience. 

Gaslighting in Different Contexts

Gaslighting is a common abusive tactic in romantic relationships, but it can happen in friendships, families, and in the workplace. Your options for navigating gaslighting often depends on its context.

Gaslighting at Work

If your coworker uses gaslighting to undermine and embarrass you, you could talk to higher-ups to address the gaslighter’s behavior. Depending on the scope of their gaslighting, however, your boss or other coworkers may already believe the gaslighter’s lies. In that case, you can look into other jobs and leave the situation. 

Gaslighting from Family

Gaslighting from a parent or sibling may not be abusive in intent. Your mom, for example, may disregard your feelings about something without meaning to hurt you. Her beliefs overpower yours, but in that example, she’s not actively trying to cause harm. Depending on the situation, you could rectify your relationship through couples and family counseling. 

Online Gaslighting

Online gaslighting may occur more easily because anyone can claim anything, and say someone’s wrong for nearly any reason. Politicians, celebrities, and influencers could have this effect whether they know it or not. Deleting your social media, unfollowing certain accounts, and not following specific news sources are the quickest ways to escape this gaslighting.

Gaslighting in a Relationship

Your romantic partner may use gaslighting to hide their abuse1 and maintain control over the relationship. They may say they never hit you, that you’re making it up, and that you need them to define your reality since you’re lying about being hit. 

They could gaslight you into believing you’re a bad partner, parent, or generally unstable, to invalidate your existence. A gaslighter also uses gaslighting to keep their partner from leaving the relationship. If you feel like your partner defines your reality, leaving them may feel impossible.

You can protect yourself from gaslighting in any context by recognizing it and learning how to respond.

Protecting Yourself from Gaslighting

Gaslighting may start small, with little offenses you barely notice. But you can immediately strategize your protection as soon as you catch their abuse.  

Gather Evidence

You can create an arsenal of evidence to secure your reality by taking screenshots, recording conversations, and writing down abusive actions. If needed, you can also use your evidence to prove the gaslighter’s behavior—either to themselves or others. 

Practice Assertiveness

Being assertive can help you feel more sure of yourself and confident in your reality. You can respond to gaslighting attempts with simple but strong replies, like:

  • “I know you disagree, but I still feel ___” 
  • “You may not remember this happening, but I am not responsible for that.” 
  • “I have explained myself. Your confusion is your responsibility.”
  • “I hear you, but that has not been my experience.”
  • “I do not need to convince you to believe me.”
  • “I know what I’ve experienced is true. I don’t need to prove it to you.”

Surround Yourself With Support

Keep your friends and family close. They can help you feel more secure in your beliefs and experiences. Your loved ones can also point out gaslighting behavior and help you catch it before you become deeply entangled in their distortions. 

Tighten Your Boundaries

Putting more space between you and the gaslighter gives them fewer opportunities to gaslight. If you can, spend less and less time with the person to lessen their influence. Set hard boundaries. You can tell them you’ll continue the conversation when they can be honest and respectful. Block them if you need to. 

As an example, you could agree to see them once a week at most and keep your visits short. Only communicate when you decide to. Don’t text them if they use text conversations to gaslight you.

Setting boundaries isn’t always possible, especially in romantic relationships. In those cases, you may need to fully walk away.

Leave The Relationship

Other forms of abuse may accompany gaslighting, like physical or sexual abuse. Abusers may use severe gaslighting to hide their other abusive behaviors. If you feel unsafe in your relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, you may need to leave. 

A therapist can help you navigate this process safely. If you need immediate help, call your country’s emergency number or talk to the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (or text “START” to 88788).

Seeking Professional Help

Any form of psychological abuse can damage your sense of self and the way you see the world. That’s why getting professional help for the effects of gaslighting can help you both now and in your future. 

A therapist can help you recognize gaslighting if you’re currently experiencing it. They can also help you create a plan to leave abusive relationships or set stronger boundaries. And as you close the chapter on your gaslighter, a therapist can help you process the experience and heal from its traumas.

With their help, you can rebuild your self-confidence and self-efficacy. You can learn to trust others, including yourself. You can remove blame from yourself and see gaslighting as an issue of the perpetrator, not you. You can heal.

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Codependency and Addiction: Understand the Relationship and Get Help

Codependency and addiction have a complex relationship. A codependent person may unwittingly enable their loved one to keep using substances without consequences. The codependent person themself may struggle with an addiction to cope with the pain of codependency. 

Addiction often results from codependency, as codependents may turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with their issues and to fill an emotional void. Codependency can also lead to addiction by enabling an individual to continue substance use even when it harms their health or relationships. Someone with a substance use disorder may also be more likely to form codependent relationships to gain approval and validation.

Addiction and codependency can feed into each other—though one hasn’t yet been found to definitively cause the other. Codependency doesn’t just happen in a relationship with someone with an addiction, either. 

To find help for codependency and addiction, you can attend peer-support groups, therapy, and go to a rehab that focuses on codependency. 

Codependency: What Is It And Where Does it Come From?

Codependency is a type of dysfunctional relationship where one person has a dependent pattern of behavior that’s emotionally destructive to themselves and/or the other person. It’s typically characterized by an excessive emotional, physical, or psychological reliance on another person—to the point of neglecting your own needs. Codependents also tend to be overly controlling of the other person in their relationship.

Codependency isn’t a diagnosis, nor does it have a mutually agreed upon definition. Some psychologists, scientists, and members of the public think the traits of codependency could just be part of the emotional human experience. 

Others argue codependency can be separated from the bulk of human experiences as a unique adaptation to stress, trauma, unstable childhoods, and living with someone with an addiction. And as codependency becomes a more common phenomenon, more people may realize they fit into its broad definition. 

Generally, a codependent person will aim to control another person or situation by losing themself in the other’s desires and perceived needs. They accept unacceptable behavior as a way to maintain some control of the situation or of the other person. But this can make them disappear—hiding away to continually meet others’ needs. 

Where Does Codependency Come From?

Some definitions of codependency suggest it only develops if someone you live with has an addiction. More accurately, the source of codependency may stem from personality, childhood experiences, trauma, and an intermingling of each. Living with someone who has an addiction can certainly cause codependent tendencies. 

And, none of those factors can cause codependency, too. Some people who live with a person with an addiction may never struggle with codependency. Studies have proven an addicted spouse or child isn’t the sole cause of codependency; but for some family members, addiction can be a catalyst. Someone with childhood trauma may never become codependent either, but it’s a common cause since childhood shapes your adult personality.

Childhood Roots of Codependency

Someone who grew up in a dysfunctional or emotionally distant family may resort to codependency to survive—taking on more responsibilities than they should, making others’ emotions their duty to manage, and losing their true self in the instability of those they seek to control. Doing this may offer a sense of safety and security. 

Codependency in childhood usually causes codependency in adulthood. A child of an alcoholic parent, for example, may gravitate toward a spouse with drinking problems because that unstable relationship feels normal, as does forfeiting their sense of self for safety and control. Being in fight-or-flight mode during childhood can cause a codependent to seek that feeling in adulthood. Someone who takes them out of fight-or-flight mode may feel too unfamiliar, and even daunting, to pursue.

Addiction in Both Parties

As defined by the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), “addiction is a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences.” Addiction can affect the codependent, the other in their relationship, or both of them. 

A person with substance addiction isn’t the only half of a codependent relationship that can struggle with an addiction. Often, a codependent person will use alcohol, drugs, sex, food, and other substances to manage the pain of codependency. Addressing substance use in both parties can help the relationship heal as a whole.  

The Relationship Between Codependency And Addiction

A spouse, parent, or sibling may become codependent as a way to manage the turmoil of their loved one’s addiction. Someone with an active addiction often has unpredictable emotions, behaviors, and moods. Their codependent will likely appease their every whim to self-manage their unreliability. 

A codependent person also believes they can force their loved one to stop using out of sheer will—or by succumbing to their every need and demand, hoping they can abate the feelings causing them to drink or use drugs. Failing to stop the substance use may drive the codependent to drugs, alcohol, or risky behaviors to cope with that pain.

Someone who’s codependent can enable their loved one’s addiction by accepting the behavior. Codependent people often live in denial—denial of their loved one’s addiction, how they need help, how they both need help—as a way to manage the problem. 

Denying the issue can give it fuel. The person with addiction may knowingly or unknowingly take advantage of that denial to continue using without consequences. So, their addiction may get worse, as would how they treat their codependent partner. The codependent, meanwhile, resorts further and further to their codependent tendencies to find some element of control. And so the cycle continues.

A lack of control and a codependent’s limitless desire for control can perpetuate their codependent behaviors. They may reason that if they just keep trying, they’ll eventually gain control; one day it’ll work and they’ll never drink again. But, as many come to realize, you can’t force someone out of addiction.

Challenges of Breaking The Cycle

The codependent may feel too scared or anxious to stop seeking control through appeasing their spouse/child/parent. They may also fear speaking up about their emotional pain, or even recognizing it at all. 

Someone with an addiction could find it easier to stay addicted if their partner goes along with it or pretends they can’t see it. They might not consider treatment, thinking they’ve “got it handled” and don’t need help. Over time, and without any treatment, their addiction can worsen. 

The codependent often experiences an addictive cycle of emotions. They can go from extreme lows to extreme highs, depending on how their partner treats them. The codependent may crave the next high just as a drug user craves a drug high. 

Treatment And Recovery

Professional treatment can help you find the cause of your codependency traits and develop new ways to manage a lack of control, real and perceived. Each person in a codependent relationship can benefit from treatment.

Treatment for The Codependent

Codependents can benefit from psychoeducation and taking a dive into their childhood. Psychoeducation teaches a codependent the “why” behind their behaviors, including the biochemical reactions that make the cycle so hard to leave. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help a codependent recognize the traits of codependency and examine the emotions behind them. Since most codependents have had a traumatic or dysfunctional childhood, CBT sessions will likely focus on your childhood to find the root belief behind your emotions and behaviors. 

For example, you may believe others’ needs are your responsibility and will feel guilty if you don’t completely satisfy their needs. This ingrained belief may have begun in childhood, perhaps because of an emotionally volatile, mentally unwell, physically unwell, or addicted parent. CBT will help you identify what caused that belief and the guilt related to it, then change your coping tool (codependency).  

You can also benefit from peer support and self-help groups, whether they’re 12-Step-based or not. Support groups can help you find an explanation for your experience and others who share it. Other resources, like books and podcasts, can also help a codependent understand their traits and heal. Here’s a few books you could check out:

Treatment for The Partner

The “partner” in a codependent relationship could be your romantic partner, but it broadly refers to the other person in your codependent relationship. That could be your spouse, child, parent, relative, or close friend. 

The codependent partner may not mean to drive someone to codependency. A codependent’s empathy and conscientiousness might be so highly attuned to negative emotions that healthy expressions of sadness, anger, or other negative emotions could trigger their partner’s codependent traits. 

But in some cases, if not most, the codependent’s partner has similar traits as the dysfunctional or abusive parent(s) the codependent grew up with. They have poor relationships in adulthood because it feels normal. That means a codependent is more likely to fall for a narcissist, an abuser, or someone exploitative. 

When your partner has a personality disorder, an addiction, or dark personality traits, they need professional treatment to heal. Treatment for addiction, for example, can help your partner address the cause of their addiction and identify new coping strategies for difficult emotions. After treatment, you’ll hopefully find your partner much more stable, reciprocative, and safe. In those cases, your codependent traits may fade because you simply don’t need them anymore. 

Once your partner has received proper treatment, you could both attend couples therapy. Here, you’ll address what triggers your codependency traits. Your partner will learn more about how it works for you and how they can help. They may also be able to reassure you that codependency isn’t their intent for you and that they’ll work with you to get well.

You and your family can also attend family therapy to address codependency in your family and how it affects each member. 

Prevention And Self-Care Strategies for Codependency

One way to prevent codependency is to educate yourself on what it is and what causes it. If you do recognize it in yourself, you can seek professional treatment and practice self-care strategies to prevent it from getting worse. Some strategies you can try include:

  • Practice self-acceptance. Each day, try to take stock of the times you blame yourself for someone else’s negative emotions. Then, challenge the blame. Write down the process and your thoughts on it. See if you can make it a daily habit. 
  • Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe. Can you identify people in your life who don’t make you feel responsible for their emotions? People who make you feel safe being yourself? Keep them close as you navigate your codependency.
  • Set aside time just for you. Spend an hour, three hours, or any amount of time however you want—just not on the other person in your codependent relationship. Take a bath, go to the library, or take a walk. Anything that sounds nice to you. 
  • Pursue what brings you joy. Rekindle old hobbies or try something new to give you an extra boost of happiness and confidence in your abilities. 

You can also attend treatment for codependency and addiction at rehab, which provides 24/7 support, intensive treatment, group and 1:1 therapy, and wellness services. 
Explore our list of rehabs treating codependency with pricing information, reviews, photos, and more.

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What Is an IOP: Questions and Answers

In the context of mental health, IOP stands for “intensive outpatient program.” But what does that phrase mean? What is an IOP, after all?

IOPs offer more intensive care than weekly therapy sessions, but more flexibility than inpatient rehab. These programs are a great option for many people—but are they right for you? This guide can help you decide whether an IOP would be a good fit. 

What Is an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)?

Intensive outpatient care is an approach to addiction1 or mental health recovery. In an IOP, patients live off-site but attend therapy during the day. Unlike inpatient treatment, this approach lets you go about your life while you heal. You can go to work or school, see friends, and even live at home. 

During the program, you’ll work with several mental health and addiction specialists. You might also attend classes to learn important life skills. Some IOPs include recreational activities, like going to the beach or seeing a movie.

IOPs can also serve as transitional care after you finish residential treatment, but before you return home. In that case, you might stay in a sober living home during the program.

Who Is a Good Fit for an IOP?

IOPs are a common treatment option2 for many mental health issues. They’re especially effective for certain diagnoses: 

  • Addiction
  • Personality disorders
  • Eating disorders

However, your diagnosis isn’t the only thing that determines what type of treatment you need. IOPs might be a good fit for several types of clients:

  • People whose insurance won’t cover residential treatment
  • Those with ongoing work, school, or family commitments
  • People with strong support networks outside of the program

IOPs aren’t right for everyone. Certain people require more intensive treatment:

  • Patients with severe mental health symptoms, like suicidal ideation
  • Clients just entering addiction treatment who need medical care during withdrawal
  • People without strong community support

Like residential rehab, every IOP for mental health is different. It’s important to look for a program that aligns with your unique needs and goals. 

How Do IOPs Work?

Most IOPs offer several different services:3

  • Case management
  • Talk therapy
  • Behavioral therapy
  • Family therapy
  • Group therapy
  • Support groups
  • Medical care
  • Psychiatry
  • Recreational activities
  • Life skills classes
  • 24-hour crisis intervention services

For adult clients, IOPs include at least 9 hours of treatment per week.4 For teens, they include a minimum of 6 weekly hours. Beyond those thresholds, the exact number of treatment hours varies widely. 

The length of your treatment depends on your progress. Many IOPs last 12-16 weeks. However, you can choose to end treatment early or stay in the program longer.

What Can I Expect in an IOP?

Assessment

You’ll begin your IOP with a comprehensive health assessment.5 Your provider will use this information to design a care plan that meets your needs. 

In the assessment and planning process, you may work closely with a case manager. They’ll determine which services you need, and organize your schedule. They might match you with a therapist, enroll you in life skills classes, or connect you with other service providers outside the program. 

Building a Support Network

If you live at home during your IOP, you’ll have more access to friends and family than you would during inpatient rehab. And if you live in group housing, you’ll be close to other people in recovery. To maximize the benefits of these environments, IOPs encourage clients to build strong relationships.6 

You can achieve this in a few ways. For instance, you might attend family therapy or join a support group. You can also practice your new coping skills in the context of work, school, and friendships outside the program.

Aftercare

Experts at the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) note that IOPs “should not be the sole approach for any client;7 instead, they need to be one step along a continuum of care.” During initial treatment, your care team will help you plan for what comes next. 

The transition out of an IOP may be less jarring than the end of inpatient treatment. While your schedule will change, you won’t have to move right away. You can stay in touch with your immediate support network, including members of your care team and other people who attended the program. 

What Is an IOP for Substance Use or Addiction Treatment?

IOPs for addiction typically include specialized services:

  • 12-Step meetings like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and similar
  • Medication-assisted treatment (MAT)8 for opioid addiction
  • Relapse prevention planning
  • Education about the consequences of substance abuse

Although IOPs can treat addiction, this type of care has an extra level of risk. When you first enter recovery, you might not have a strong support network. Or, you might have close relationships with people who encourage you to use drugs. If you live at home throughout treatment, maintaining those relationships can increase your risk of relapse.9 

You don’t have to begin recovery with an IOP. For example, you might attend a medical detox program or inpatient treatment center first. In that case, an IOP might be part of your stepped-down care plan. This approach gives you time to kickstart recovery before you begin rebuilding your community at home.

What Is an IOP for Mental Health?

In an IOP for mental health, you can live at home while you attend intensive treatment. These programs connect you with mental health experts and with other patients who understand some part of your experience. You may not have the same diagnosis as the people around you, but you can still share mutual support. 

IOPs for mental health may focus on a specific therapy, instead of using a wide range of treatments. For example, people with personality or mood disorders often benefit from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).10 If you’re healing from one of these conditions, you can look for a more specialized treatment program.

Are IOPs and PHPs the Same?

IOPs and partial hospitalization programs (PHPs) are 2 different types of treatment. The key difference between them is the amount of time patients spend in therapy. PHPs offer more intensive care,11 including at least 20 weekly treatment hours. 

Despite their differences, PHPs and IOPs have a lot in common:

  • Patients live off-site, so they have more freedom than they would in residential rehab.
  • Treatment is usually more affordable than residential care.
  • Clients can attend several different types of therapy.

Benefits and Advantages of IOPs

Unlike inpatient care, IOPs allow you to integrate your treatment experience into your daily life. This approach has several advantages:

  • Flexibility: You don’t have to step away from work, school, or family commitments to start recovery.
  • Accessibility: Some insurance plans will cover IOPs but not residential treatment, making them financially accessible to more clients. IOPs tend to be more affordable than PHPs.
  • Ease of transition: Many residential rehabs also offer IOPs, meaning you can easily step down your care after completing inpatient treatment.
  • Social support: You can maintain long-term relationships with loved ones throughout treatment.
  • Discretion: IOPs make it easier to keep your recovery private. You can continue living at home, going to work, and attending social functions while you heal.

Are IOPs Effective? Evidence and Success Rates

Data shows that IOPs are as effective as residential care12 for people with addiction. In both approaches, 50-70% of patients maintain abstinence after treatment. 

Both residential care and IOPs may be less effective13 for people with co-occurring disorders or physical health issues. For these patients, experts recommend attending an IOP in addition to more intensive treatment.14 

These programs can also have positive side effects that go beyond their primary goals. One anonymous client explains how treatment in an IOP empowered her to support her community:15 

“If I were to tell myself from a few months ago how much we’ve changed, I’m not even sure that she’d believe me. It gives a hope that I haven’t had in a long time and I couldn’t be more grateful for the family I created here. And with everything I’ve learnt, I’ve also been able to tell my friends who are also going through hard times some of the things I’ve learnt and they really liked them!”

How to Find an Intensive Outpatient Program

As you research IOPs, remember that every program is unique. You can choose a center based on your unique needs. To start your search, consider a few criteria:

  • Location 
  • Types of therapy the program offers
  • Specific diagnoses the center treats
  • Length of treatment
  • Insurance options
  • Total cost

Many insurance plans will cover this type of treatment. Because IOPs don’t provide round-the-clock care, they’re often less expensive than other programs. 

IOPs are available at nearly 50% of all addiction treatment centers16 in the U.S. Whether you’re looking for a program near your home, your residential rehab, or somewhere else, there are plenty of options available. 

Is an IOP Right for Me?

IOPs can help you recover from addiction and many mental health issues. However, they’re not for everyone. To determine whether an IOP might be a good fit, you can start by responding to a few questions: 

  • Do you have a strong support network at home?
  • Do you have any ongoing medical needs?
  • When you start recovery, will you need to go through withdrawal?
  • Do you have any co-occurring mental health diagnoses?
  • How severe are your mental health symptoms?
  • What additional types of treatment options are you planning to try?

Your answers will help you prepare to speak with an expert. Contact an intensive outpatient program to find out if this type of treatment meets your needs.

Frequently Asked Questions About Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOPs)

Are IOPs confidential?

Yes—to some degree. Your care team is legally bound by privacy laws. However, the administration may disclose some information to your insurance provider if they’re covering your treatment. What’s more, the other patients in your program aren’t obligated to keep anything confidential. And if you all live in the same area, you may even have mutual friends. While providers may encourage clients to respect each other’s privacy, they can’t control what happens outside of treatment.

What types of insurance do IOPS accept?

It depends on your program. Talk to your provider’s admissions team to learn about your options. The good news is that most insurance plans cover some amount of addiction treatment. And because these programs are less expensive than residential treatment, insurers are even more likely to cover IOPs.

Can I attend an IOP via telehealth?

Some providers are experimenting with remote IOPs. Preliminary research suggests that this type of treatment might be effective. However, we need more data to know for sure. Because telehealth is so new, it’s hard to predict what its effects will be in the long term.

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Coming Out and Mental Health: Navigating the Emotional Journey

Coming out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community can feel daunting, liberating, scary, or all of the above. It can also have positive or negative impacts on your mental health, both of which you can navigate. 

Don’t feel like you need to follow a script, set of steps, or anything else to successfully come out. It’s up to you and what you’re comfortable with. You know your life and circumstances better than anyone else. 

But you do have resources for the journey and its emotional effects. 

Understanding Coming Out

The American Psychological Association defines coming out1 as, “self-awareness of same-sex attractions; the telling of one or a few people about these attractions; widespread disclosure of same-sex attractions; and identification with the lesbian, gay, and bisexual community.” 

For many, coming out shapes the rest of their lives. It can be one of the most significant journeys you ever face. For others, it’s not a big deal. It’s different for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay.

Challenges And Fears of Coming Out

A potent fear related to coming out is the possibility of rejection. Your loved ones could reject your core identity, and that would hurt. 

Social prejudices, misconceptions, and misguided views could also make coming out scary, both right away and in your future. Even if the reactions aren’t negative, they might not feel affirming, either. Both can hurt.

Picking the right time to come out can also feel like a challenge. When do you say it, and who do you tell? Should you tell one person, or a group of your friends and family? 

Only you can truly answer those questions. But the weight of wondering can affect your wellbeing. Drinking or using drugs could seem like a way to alleviate the stress. If you’re struggling with addiction, you can browse our list of LGBTQ+-affirming rehabs. 

Mental Health Considerations in Coming Out

Feeling unaccepted can lead to depression, anxiety, and even trauma. Society’s attitude towards the LGBTQ+ community can also cause minority stress2, which can exacerbate or cause mental health conditions. Some may experience chronic minority stress, which means they’re hypervigilant to possible discrimination, frequently worried about it, or carry internalized stigma of themselves. 

This stress, fear, grief, and trauma can create or worsen mental health conditions. It’s not hard to see why—but that’s not how the story has to go. 

The Impact of Attitudes And Acceptance on Mental Health

Coming out could relieve the emotional toll of hiding. When you come out, you won’t have to adjust your behaviors, actions, and words to hide who you really are. That can feel like a deep relief. 

But make sure you know how you feel about your identity. Take a deep and thoughtful search of your heart—what do you feel when you think about who you are? Internalized homophobia can add stress and shame to your coming out journey. As much as you’re able, try to find and challenge these feelings. 

Coming out can lead to self-acceptance, which can powerfully erase any internalized homophobia. And once you’ve accepted and embraced who you are, what others think might not matter so much. It’s okay and normal if it does. You have ways to navigate that, too. 

Mental Health Resources for the Coming Out Process

Many support groups, online chats, and other resources can help you through the coming-out process. Here’s a few:

  • PFLAG: A LGBTQ+ resource with 400 local chapters in America. Started in 1973, they were the first organization to offer help, education, and support to LGBTQ+ people and their families.
  • 988: They provide resources for LGBTQ+ people and a 24/7, nation-wide suicide crisis hotline. 
  • The Trevor Project: They’re the world’s largest crisis service for LGBTQ+ youth ages 25 and under. You can call, text, or chat the crisis interventionists here 24/7. 
  • Trans Lifeline: A crisis line for trans people that respects your rights and doesn’t use non-consensual interventions.
  • Pride Counseling: A specialized online counseling service for the LGBTQ+ community.
  • LGBT National Help Center: They provide a phone hotline for LGBTQ+ people of all ages to speak with an educated volunteer about identity struggles, coming out, and other concerns. 
comingout

Self-Care Strategies for Mental Well Being

Coming out likely won’t be completely stress-free, and that’s okay. Whether the stressor is big or small, you have ways to manage your emotions and improve your wellbeing. 

You can practice mindfulness and meditation when your emotions feel overwhelming. Try to identify the support you have in your life, too. The resources listed above definitely count as someone you can talk to when you feel overwhelmed.

Be sure to practice self-care, self-compassion, and self-acceptance as you plan and execute coming out. Don’t force yourself to follow what anyone else did, either. The way and time you come out is unique to you—try to take comfort in that. Here’s some other self-care steps you can take:

Your mentor could be someone who came out months or years ago. They can help you through the process and offer support from someone who’s really been there. 

To find one, you can connect to an openly queer person in your life. Even if they’re not able to help you throughout the whole process, it might help you to know that they know what you’re going through. If you don’t know any potential mentors, or don’t feel comfortable doing so, you can connect with others online. 

Building Resilience and Creating a Supportive Environment

A negative reaction to your identity will probably hurt. But you can manage that pain by building resilience and creating a supportive, safe environment for yourself.

The American Psychological Association suggests group environments build resilience3. Your group may be other LGTBQ+ people in your neighborhood, work, or school, or a more formalized LGBTQ+ gathering. All your group must do is offer support and bring you happiness to strengthen your recovery. 

A supportive environment will feel safe and accepting. For you, this might include your family, friends, or others in the LGBTQ+ community. It differs for everyone, and that’s okay. If your environment becomes unsupportive, consider leaving it, if you can. Mental health professionals can help you navigate this change. 

Resilience also ties into self-care. The healthier you are physically, the more prepared you’ll be to handle emotional challenges. Take care of your mind, too. That’s where meditation, journaling, and mindfulness come in.

Reach The Other Side of Your Rainbow

Coming out is your unique journey. It can come with stress, worry, and fear, even if you’re excited for the change. But you have help available along the way. 

Along the way, make sure to prioritize your mental health and well being. You can do so through therapy, engaging in support, and actively practicing self-care. 

And remember that your coming-out process is your own. If you think writing out a script will help, do it! If a video seems more helpful, or even baking a cake, do that! The path you take is up to you.

Good luck and be well.

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Court-Ordered Rehab: What You Need to Know

There’s a strong connection between drug use and crime. First of all, just having certain drugs on hand is illegal. Some people also steal to fund their addictions or act out while under the influence. If you face legal action, the judge may decide court-mandated rehab is better than jail time. You can prepare for this type of treatment by learning how it works. 

What Is Court-Mandated Rehab?

Court-mandated rehab is an alternative to incarceration.1 Some judges use this option for first-time offenders. If your addiction is the main reason you broke the law, court-ordered treatment may be more appropriate than jail time. 

Many drugs impede good judgment,2 and some cause erratic behavior. For example, most people know that drunk driving is unsafe. But people with alcohol addiction often take high risks.3 You may look for ways to justify your actions, or you might not even consider that you’re putting people in harm’s way.

Court-ordered rehab gives you a chance to recover from addiction. By recognizing your own mistakes, you can change your life for the better.

How to Obtain Court-Ordered Rehab?

Ultimately, a judge will decide if you’re a candidate for court-ordered rehab. Different factors can affect how you obtain treatment, like the U.S. state in which you committed a crime. There are a few steps in the process of getting court-ordered treatment:4

  1. The judge decides if rehab is a better option than jail.
  2. The judge decides the length of court-mandated treatment.
  3. You attend an approved treatment center.

You can also request court-ordered rehab for someone else, even if they haven’t broken any laws. For example, the state of Massachusetts allows spouses and physicians to petition to send someone to rehab:

  1. You submit a petition for treatment.
  2. You go through an addiction assessment.
  3. The court decides whether rehab is the best option.
  4. The judge decides on the length of your treatment.
  5. You attend an approved treatment center.

Different states have different processes for requesting this type of rehab. If you think a person in your life needs mandatory treatment, look up how to petition a judge in your area. 

Who Is Eligible for Court-Mandated Rehab?

Many factors determine your eligibility for court-ordered drug rehabilitation.5 But it’s ultimately up to the judge. They’ll consider certain factors when deciding your case. 

Offender Would Benefit From Rehab

If the judge thinks you’ll benefit from court-ordered drug rehab, they’re more likely to offer it as an option. They’ll also consider what type of crime you committed. With non-violent offenses, like theft or drug possession, judges often recommend rehab over jail time. 

The Crime Was a Result of Alcohol or Drug Abuse

The judge may also consider your reasons for committing the crime. Many people break the law to fuel their drug addiction. For example, some drugs cause painful withdrawal symptoms and severe cravings.6 Even if you’ve never stolen before, you might do anything to make those symptoms stop. 

In these cases, judges may act with compassion. Court-ordered rehab holds you accountable while addressing the root cause of your behavior.

Types of Court-Ordered Rehab

There are several types of court-mandated rehab. The judge will choose between these options for you, even if they don’t pick a specific program.

Accelerated Pretrial Rehab Programs

An accelerated pretrial rehab program7 is a type of diversion program. Diversion programs avoid sentencing8 and offer an alternative to jail. If you’re a first-time offender, you can have criminal charges dismissed by attending this type of rehab.

Accelerated pretrial rehab focuses on getting to the root of the problem. So if you have an alcohol addiction and get a DUI for the first time, a judge might send you to pretrial rehab for alcohol treatment instead of going to trial.

Educational Programs

Court-ordered educational programs are classes that teach you about drugs and alcohol. The nature of your offense will determine which type of course you take:

  • Learning about the effects of addiction on yourself and the people around you
  • Identifying patterns of drug use and addiction
  • Creating a plan for positive life changes

Group Counseling Programs

A judge might send you to group counseling as a form of rehab. You’ll attend regular sessions with a therapist and 6-12 other people. In these meetings, you’ll learn coping skills and share mutual support. 

Detox and Inpatient Rehab Programs

If the judge thinks you require more intensive treatment, you may attend court-ordered detox and inpatient rehab. Detox is often the first step in addiction recovery. After you complete withdrawal safely, you can transition to longer-term inpatient care. 

Residential Counseling Programs

If you attend court-ordered residential rehab, you’ll probably spend up to 30 days in treatment.9 Many of these programs offer modified forms of 12-Step treatment. This kind of care provides more structure than outpatient programs. It may also focus on treating people who have committed a specific criminal offense.

Who Pays for Court-Ordered Rehab?

You have to pay for court-ordered rehab on your own. Some programs might require you to pay out of pocket, while others take insurance. 

All insurance companies cover addiction treatment10 to some extent. Still, your coverage depends on the type of program and your specific insurance plan. You might also meet the criteria for government subsidies and grants. 

Depending on your location, you may have a choice between treatment centers.11 Some states have specific treatment facilities for court-ordered rehab. Others let you choose a program from a list of approved rehabs. 

How Long Is Court-Mandated Rehab?

The duration of court-mandated rehab varies by program.12 Educational programs and accelerated pretrial rehab programs usually require you to complete certain hours. For example, you might take a 15-hour drug offender course for your first DUI. In most areas, court-ordered inpatient programs last at least 30 days, but some U.S. states offer 60-90 days of residential substance abuse treatment.

What Are the Benefits of Court-Ordered Rehab?

While it may feel like a punishment at first, court-ordered drug rehabilitation can serve as a wake-up call. These programs can serve to encourage patients to get the help they need before facing more severe consequences. 

Alternative to Jail

Jail is probably the last place anyone wants to be. Studies show people with substance use disorder benefit more from rehab than jail.13 You still have to spend time away from home in a rehab facility—but you’ll be in a space that helps you grow. During treatment, you can practice the coping skills you need to build a life you love.

Safe Environment 

Going to jail puts you at risk of violence and cuts you off from social support. A space like this can do more harm than good for someone with an addiction. 

Rehab programs, on the other hand, are there to help you recover. You’ll be in a protected space, with 24/7 access to a team of healthcare professionals. Their job is to keep you safe during detox and recovery.

Accountability

Both jail and rehab hold you accountable for your actions. But while jail focuses on punishment, rehab motivates patients to heal. In therapy, you can learn how to take responsibility for your future. 

Support Network

In jail, there’s no guarantee that the people around you will have your best interests at heart. But you can build a strong support network in rehab. That may include your care team or other people in recovery. If your program offers family therapy, you can reconnect with loved ones while you’re still in residential treatment.

What Happens if Someone Fails Court-Ordered Rehab?

Sometimes people violate court orders by not attending therapy, skipping classes, or not taking treatment seriously. When you fail court-ordered rehab,14 the judge will decide on the consequences. They can choose between a variety of options:

  • Fines
  • More time in treatment
  • Extended probation
  • Immediate jail time

Is Court-Mandated Rehab Effective?

Involuntary addiction treatment can be very effective.15 A 2012 study found that people in mandatory rehab were more likely to complete treatment.16 Still, there isn’t much research on how effective court-ordered treatment is in the long term. 

The willingness to heal is a vital part of recovery. Court-ordered drug rehabilitation inspires many people to recover. Others may not be ready to commit to treatment. It all depends on the person.

Connect With a Treatment Program

Addiction and mental health issues can make it hard to recognize yourself sometimes. But there are many ways to get the help you need and start healing when you’re ready. 

Learn more about different types of treatment for addiction today. 

Frequently Asked Questions About Court-Ordered Rehab

What is court-mandated rehab?

Court-mandated rehab is an alternative to jail for people whose addiction led them to commit a crime. Instead of incarceration, a judge may order them to undergo addiction treatment to address the root cause of their behavior.

How do I obtain court-ordered rehab?

The decision for court-ordered rehab lies with the judge. If you or someone you know needs this type of treatment, you can submit a petition and go through an addiction assessment. The court will then determine if rehab is the best option and set the length of the treatment.

Who is eligible for court-mandated rehab?

Eligibility for court-ordered rehab depends on various factors considered by the judge. Offenders who would benefit from rehab, especially those involved in non-violent offenses driven by substance abuse, are more likely to be offered this option as an alternative to jail.