Category: Podcasts

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The Body Keeps The Score Summary: 8 Key Insights to Heal From Trauma

Bessel van der Kolk’s seminal work, “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma,” offers a groundbreaking perspective on the impact of trauma on individuals. This book summary delves deep into how traumatic experiences fundamentally alter the brain, mind, and body, moving beyond traditional psychiatry and opening new pathways for trauma recovery. Through extensive neuroscience research and compelling case studies, van der Kolk argues that traumatized individuals require interventions that address not just the psychological, but also the physiological effects of trauma.

The article aims to provide a comprehensive overview of the book’s core takeaways, highlighting the necessity of a holistic approach to trauma treatment for trauma survivors and emphasizing the profound connection between our mental and physical well-being. It explores how early life traumatic events can rewire the nervous system, leading to persistent challenges that manifest as various physical symptoms and emotional dysregulation.

1. Understanding Trauma’s Pervasive Reach

Trauma is not merely a psychological scar; it is a profound alteration of the entire human organism. Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes that traumatic experiences are far more common than generally acknowledged, ranging from child abuse and domestic violence to war and natural disasters.

He notes that:

  • One in five Americans was sexually molested as a child
  • One in four was beaten by a parent to the point of a mark being left on their body
  • One in three couples engages in physical violence.

These statistics underscore trauma as a pervasive public health issue.

The book argues that while humans are incredibly resilient, traumatic events leave indelible traces on our minds, emotions, biology, and even our immune systems.

This broad understanding of trauma extends beyond the immediate psychological distress, illustrating how it impacts an individual’s capacity for joy, intimacy, and overall well-being. The author asserts that the struggle and resilience of his patients are deeply moving, demonstrating the human capacity to endure and seek healing.

2. The Brain’s Altered Landscape in Trauma

One of the most profound contributions of The Body Keeps the Score is its detailed exploration of how traumatic experiences literally rewire the brain. Advances in neuroscience, particularly brain imaging, have provided irrefutable evidence of these physiological changes. The book explains that trauma compromises the brain areas responsible for basic self-awareness and the accurate filtering of information.

The brain’s alarm system, primarily centered in the amygdala, becomes recalibrated in traumatized people. This leads to a state of being hypervigilant to threat, even when no actual danger is present.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and executive function, can go “offline” during traumatic flashbacks, impairing the ability to think logically and put feelings into words. This neurobiological shift explains why trauma survivors often struggle with learning from experience and repeatedly face similar problems.

3. How the Body Keeps the Score: A Physical Imprint

The core premise of Bessel van der Kolk’s work is that trauma is “encoded in the viscera,” meaning it profoundly affects our bodily sensations and physical reality. The autonomic nervous system (ANS), comprising the sympathetic (accelerator) and parasympathetic (brake) branches, becomes dysregulated.

This leads to persistent physical symptoms such as chronic pain, fibromyalgia, and even heart disease, as the body remains in a perpetual state of defense.

A crucial concept is interoception, the ability to feel and interpret internal bodily sensations. Traumatized individuals often lose this connection, leading to alexithymia—the inability to put feelings into words. They may experience physical discomfort without understanding its emotional root, or become so adept at numbing themselves that they lose touch with pleasure as well as pain.

The book vividly illustrates how these deeply ingrained physiological responses are outside conscious control, emphasizing that “the act of telling the story doesn’t necessarily alter the automatic physical and hormonal responses of bodies that remain hypervigilant, prepared to be assaulted or violated at any time.”

4. Childhood Trauma: The Hidden Epidemic

Childhood trauma, including neglect, sexual abuse, and domestic violence, is presented as a hidden epidemic with devastating long-term consequences. Van der Kolk highlights findings from the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study, which revealed a strong correlation between early adverse experiences and a multitude of adult physical and mental health problems, including chronic depression, alcoholism, substance abuse, and even heart disease and cancer. The study showed that “for every soldier who serves in a war zone abroad, there are ten children who are endangered in their own homes.”

The development of secure attachment in early childhood is crucial for a child’s sense of self and capacity for self-regulation. When caregivers are a source of terror or neglect, children often develop disorganized attachment patterns.

These patterns, characterized by a fundamental lack of safety and trust, lead to pervasive dysregulation in emotional brain functions, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships, regulate their arousal, and maintain focus. Such traumatized children often struggle to distinguish between safety and danger, leading to repeated cycles of revictimization.

5. The Unbearable Weight of Traumatic Memories and Re-enactment

Traumatic memories differ significantly from ordinary memories. Instead of being organized as a coherent narrative, they are often fragmented, stored as isolated sensory imprints: images, sounds, physical sensations, and overwhelming emotions.

This fragmentation is linked to the deactivation of Broca’s area (the speech center) and the frontal lobes during overwhelming events. This means trauma survivors often experience flashbacks where they literally re-live the event as if it were happening in the present, complete with physiological arousal and the original emotions.

The book delves into the concept of dissociation, where parts of the overwhelming experience are split off from conscious awareness. This can manifest as depersonalization (feeling detached from oneself) or derealization (feeling that reality is unreal).

This “speechless horror” makes it incredibly difficult for traumatized people to articulate their experiences, leading to a “cover story” that fails to capture the inner truth. The “compulsion to repeat” trauma, where individuals unwittingly re-enact aspects of their past in current relationships or behaviors, is also explored as a desperate, often unconscious, attempt to gain control over unbearable feelings.

6. Embracing Holistic Paths to Recovery: Mind-Body Connection

A central theme of The Body Keeps the Score is the necessity of a holistic approach to trauma treatment. Van der Kolk argues that traditional talk therapy alone is often insufficient, as the rational brain cannot simply “talk” the emotional brain out of its deeply ingrained responses. True healing of trauma requires engaging the entire organism—body, mind, and brain—through both “top-down” and “bottom-up” approaches.

  • Top-down processing involves strengthening the prefrontal cortex’s capacity to understand and make sense of internal experiences, fostering self-awareness and cognitive control.
  • Bottom-up processing focuses on recalibrating the autonomic nervous system by directly addressing bodily sensations and physiological arousal. This involves practices that help the body learn that the danger has passed and that it is safe to relax.

The goal is to restore the proper balance between the rational and emotional brains, enabling trauma survivors to regain self-leadership and feel in charge of their responses and lives.

7. Innovative Therapeutic Interventions for Trauma

The book explores a diverse array of interventions that target the various ways trauma is held in the body and mind:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR is presented as a powerful method for processing traumatic memories. It involves bilateral stimulation (often eye movements) while the client focuses on distressing memories. The theory suggests this process mimics the memory reprocessing that occurs during REM sleep, allowing traumatic memories to be integrated into a coherent narrative rather than remaining fragmented and overwhelming. Clinical studies, including van der Kolk’s own, showed EMDR to be highly effective, often leading to significant symptom reduction and long-term improvements in trauma survivors, even outperforming certain medications like Prozac.

Yoga and Mindfulness

Yoga is highlighted as a potent tool for trauma recovery by helping traumatized people to safely inhabit their bodies. Through conscious breathing (pranayama) and postures (asanas), yoga cultivates self-awareness and directly impacts the nervous system, improving heart rate variability (HRV) and regulating arousal.

Mindfulness, a core component of yoga, teaches individuals to observe their physical sensations and emotions without judgment, fostering emotional regulation and increasing the “window of tolerance” for difficult feelings. This bottom-up approach helps to counter the numbing and hyperarousal often experienced by trauma survivors.

Neurofeedback: Rewiring the Brain

Neurofeedback is introduced as a cutting-edge trauma treatment that directly addresses dysregulated brain waves. By providing real-time feedback on brain activity, individuals can learn to rewire their brains, promoting more coherent patterns of electrical communication.

This can stabilize the brain’s alarm system, improve focus and attention, and reduce chronic hyperarousal. Neurofeedback offers a promising avenue for traumatized children and adults to overcome issues like concentration problems, emotional instability, and dissociation, by literally changing the brain’s functioning.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

IFS offers a compassionate framework for understanding the “parts” of oneself that develop in response to traumatic experiences. This model posits that the mind is a complex system, like a family, with different parts (e.g., exiled, managerial, firefighting) that adopt extreme roles to protect the individual from pain.

IFS therapy aims to help trauma survivors access their undamaged “Self” (a core of compassion, curiosity, and calm) to heal wounded parts and integrate the fragmented self. This approach helps reduce internal conflict and enables individuals to regain self-leadership.

Psychomotor Therapy and Communal Rhythms

Psychomotor therapy and other body-based approaches, like somatic experiencing, help individuals reconnect with bodily sensations and complete thwarted self-protective actions. Through structured exercises and role-playing, participants can re-experience past traumatic events in a safe, contained environment, leading to a visceral sense of agency.

The book also emphasizes the healing of trauma through communal rhythms and shared experiences, such as theater, singing, and dancing. These collective activities foster muscular bonding, promote synchrony, and help restore a sense of belonging and safety among trauma survivors, combating the isolation that often accompanies profound hurt.

8. Societal Implications and the Path Forward

The Body Keeps the Score concludes by calling for a shift towards a trauma-conscious society. Bessel van der Kolk argues that trauma is “arguably the greatest threat to our national well-being,” with costs exceeding those of cancer or heart disease.

He criticizes the current health care system for often focusing on symptom management with drugs rather than addressing underlying causes and fostering self-regulation and genuine connection.

The book advocates for widespread prevention efforts, particularly for traumatized children, through early interventions, quality childcare, and trauma-informed schools. It stresses that understanding of trauma must move beyond individual pathology to acknowledge the “undeniable social causation” of many problems.

Ultimately, trauma recovery is about restoring the capacity for playfulness, curiosity, and meaningful relationships, recognizing that humans are fundamentally social creatures wired for cooperation and connection. True healing means rebuilding lives where individuals can feel safe, belong, and actively shape their own futures.

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Gabbie Egan’s Journey Through Bipolar Disorder and Alcohol and Marijuana Addiction Recovery

Gabbie Egan’s story is a powerful and candid exploration of the interconnectedness of mental health and substance use. Her journey, marked by early exposure to drugs and alcohol, a teenage pregnancy, and an eventual diagnosis of bipolar I disorder, offers a deeply personal insight into the complexities of recovery. Gabbie’s unflinching honesty about her struggles and triumphs serves as a beacon of hope, demonstrating that even through multiple setbacks, sustained effort can lead to profound healing and self-acceptance.

The Early Seeds of Struggle: Childhood and Adolescent Experiences

Gabbie’s introduction to substance use began at a remarkably young age, rooted in a combination of environmental factors and personal vulnerabilities. Growing up in a part of North Carolina with limited recreational outlets, drug and alcohol use became a prevalent coping mechanism among her peers. “I’m from a part of North Carolina where it’s like there’s nothing to do,” Gabbie recounts, “And so the only thing that people are really doing to keep themselves occupied is like getting messed up.”

Her home environment, while loving, also contributed to a sense of unmonitored freedom. With parents deeply engrossed in their careers, Gabbie, an only child, was often left to her “own devices.” This lack of direct parental supervision, combined with a pre-existing sadness, created fertile ground for experimentation. She began with cough medicine in sixth grade, quickly escalating to marijuana and prescription pills like Vicodin by the age of 11 or 12. This early exposure to various substances at such a formative age significantly shaped her developing brain and laid the groundwork for future struggles.

Beyond the external influences, Gabbie also grappled with internal battles. She describes herself as “a very sad kid” who experienced bullying and felt she never truly fit in. Her expulsion from Christian school in sixth grade after piercing her belly button further isolated her and plunged her into an environment where she was “in a pretty low place ever since I was a child.” Her mother, a loving but misguided figure, dismissed her emotional struggles, attributing them to a lack of gratitude or a “made-up” mental illness. This invalidation of her feelings compounded Gabbie’s internal turmoil and prevented her from seeking the help she desperately needed. As Gabbie poignantly shares, “My mom doesn’t believe in mental illness. And so that’s tough because then, yeah.”

The Unveiling of Bipolar Disorder: A Diagnosis and a Family Legacy

The first hint of Gabbie’s underlying mental health condition emerged at 16, following a severe alcohol-related incident. After blacking out and requiring a stomach pump, she was court-ordered to see a mental health specialist. It was during this session that a therapist suggested she might have bipolar I disorder. The therapist explained that bipolar I is characterized by “high highs of extreme mania and then extremely low lows that last and extended like a certain amount of time.” This explanation deeply resonated with Gabbie, as it accurately described her volatile emotional landscape. “I’m either extremely low, like, you know, on the verge of like wanting to literally end my life or, um, you know, extremely high thinking, I am Jesus, you know?” she candidly admits.

Despite this crucial insight, her mother’s continued denial of mental illness led Gabbie to dismiss the diagnosis at the time. “My mom’s like, this is just how they get you in the system. They’re trying to medicate you,” Gabbie recalls. This dismissal, coupled with a lack of proper follow-up, meant that Gabbie continued to navigate her life unmedicated and without professional support for her burgeoning mental health challenges.

Years later, a more definitive diagnosis of bipolar I disorder would come after another significant incident in Las Vegas. During what she believes was a manic episode, Gabbie experienced a blackout and woke up in jail in a straightjacket, unable to recall the events that led her there. This terrifying experience, combined with the intense public scrutiny and hate she received online, propelled her to seek help on her own terms. It was through this process that she received an official diagnosis and began to truly understand the nature of her condition.

This second, undeniable encounter with her diagnosis allowed her to confront the reality of her mental health, a reality her grandmother had hinted at, revealing a family history of untreated mental illness. “I had went to my grandmother, who I’m really close with, and I had told her and she said, I think that that’s what my mom had,” Gabbie shares, adding, “My grandmother’s mom actually ended up jumping off of a bridge or off of a building in France when she was growing up and committed suicide because she had so many untreated mental health conditions.” This generational understanding provided a crucial piece of the puzzle, helping Gabbie contextualize her own struggles and recognize that her experiences were not merely “crazy” but rooted in a legitimate medical condition.

Explore bipolar disorder treatment options.

The Intertwined Paths of Substance Use and Mental Health

Gabbie’s narrative vividly illustrates the intricate relationship between substance use and mental health. Her early experimentation with drugs and alcohol served as a form of self-medication for her untreated depression and the chaotic emotional swings of undiagnosed bipolar disorder. The substances provided a temporary escape from the pain, isolation, and overwhelming feelings she couldn’t articulate or understand.

Her pregnancy at 13, giving birth just before turning 14, further intensified her struggles. As a teen mom, Gabbie faced immense pressure and isolation. She juggled high school, childcare, and the emotional burden of being an outcast among her peers. While she excelled as a mother to her son, other aspects of her life crumbled. “Everything else in my life would be completely falling apart. And every aspect. I was a horrible friend. I was a horrible partner. I was a horrible daughter to my parents. Just ’cause I was just like so just like in the trenches, but I was a great mom to my son,” she reflects.

During periods when her son was with his grandparents, Gabbie would resort to heavy drinking, often to the point of blacking out. These episodes were a desperate attempt to cope with the immense emotional distress and the deep void she felt. The incident at 16, where she was found unconscious and her stomach pumped, was a direct consequence of this self-destructive pattern.

Even joining the military at 17, an attempt to “fix” herself, didn’t provide the escape she hoped for. “Substance abuse just followed me into the military,” she admits. Her ability to function, even at the height of her addiction, is a testament to the high-functioning nature often seen in individuals with underlying mental health conditions. She graduated high school a year early, maintaining her academic responsibilities while engaging in significant substance abuse. “People don’t think that you can be functioning, but you can, you can do everything that you’re supposed to be doing and you can show up in every single way,” Gabbie emphasizes, recounting how she would complete school papers while “tripping balls” on acid. This period underscores the dangerous dance between her mental health challenges and her substance use, where each exacerbated the other, creating a vicious cycle.

Navigating Mania and Depression: The Bipolar Experience

Gabbie’s account of living with bipolar I disorder provides a raw and honest glimpse into the extremes of the condition. She describes her manic episodes as periods of intense energy and productivity, often accompanied by a feeling of invincibility. “I have all these ideas and I’m just like, I can stay up for days straight working on a project, a new project, a new business idea, a new something,” she explains. However, these highs are often accompanied by erratic and risky behaviors, including her two arrests, which she believes occurred during manic states. “The things that I have gotten myself into when I feel like I’m the hottest shit. I mean, I’ve gone to jail two times and I, I do believe that both of the times that I went to jail, I was like in a manic episode,” she reveals. During these manic phases, sleep becomes minimal or nonexistent, and she often reaches a state of “blackout” where she has no recollection of her actions.

The crash that follows these manic highs is equally debilitating. Gabbie describes it as a complete physical and emotional collapse, leaving her “completely debilitated.” The overwhelming feeling of paralysis, the inability to move forward with the projects started during mania, is a common experience for individuals with bipolar disorder. “It’s like now I’m halfway through all these projects and I have no energy for anything anymore, and I can’t do anything. And I just feel stuck,” she articulates, likening it to ADHD paralysis where the sheer volume of tasks leads to an inability to start any of them.

Gabbie’s journey with medication also highlights the complexities of treatment for bipolar disorder. While acknowledging that medication is beneficial for many, she shares her personal struggles with various prescriptions like Seroquel and Abilify. These medications, while addressing some symptoms, often left her feeling “like I wasn’t even human anymore,” turning her into a “zombie” or making her feel “boring.” This experience underscores the importance of individualized treatment plans and the ongoing search for the right balance between managing symptoms and maintaining a sense of self.

The Path to Recovery: Resilience, Acceptance, and Self-Worth

Despite the numerous setbacks and deep troughs of despair, Gabbie’s story is ultimately one of remarkable resilience and a profound journey toward self-acceptance. Her early and repeated failures in attempts at sobriety ultimately paved the way for a lasting recovery. “It doesn’t matter how many times you’re trying to recover, as long as you’re putting in the effort one day, it will stick if you really want it,” she advises, a testament to her own experience. She has learned to reframe failures not as endpoints, but as integral parts of her process, emphasizing that “you can fail a million times and still try again.”

Gabbie’s recovery extends beyond sobriety; it encompasses a deeper understanding and management of her bipolar disorder. She has learned to recognize the onset of her manic and depressive episodes, developing coping mechanisms to navigate them. This self-awareness allows her to mitigate the impact of the extreme highs and lows, recognizing when she needs to slow down or when she needs to push through the paralysis of depression by taking small, actionable steps.

Crucially, Gabbie has learned to distinguish between understanding her diagnosis and using it as an excuse for harmful behavior. While acknowledging that bipolar disorder explains certain aspects of her actions, she asserts, “it doesn’t excuse all my actions.” This mature perspective allows her to take accountability for her behavior while still working to manage her condition. She recognizes that the goal is not to eliminate the “crazy” but to “learn to manage that rather than make excuses for that.”

Today, Gabbie is a recovery advocate who openly shares her story, creating a space for others to find solace and understanding. She is a testament to the power of authentic vulnerability, demonstrating that healing is not about becoming a perfect version of oneself, but about embracing all facets of one’s experience. Her journey of “coming undone and rebuild[ing], to tell the truth out loud, and to never let go of your own becoming” serves as a powerful inspiration for anyone navigating the complexities of mental health and addiction recovery. Her story emphasizes that true recovery is a continuous process of learning, adapting, and ultimately, loving the person you are becoming, flaws and all.

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Recovery After Depression’s Darkness: 11 Hopeful Reminders from Someone Who Made It Through

This article is a longform summary of a powerful episode of the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In this conversation, guest Cara McErlain shares what it’s like to live with long-term depression, the profound lessons she’s learned through therapy, and why the fleeting moments of happiness after darkness are so deeply meaningful. With insight, warmth, and hard-won wisdom, Cara offers hope for anyone struggling to hold on in their darkest moments.

The podcast continues its mission to reduce stigma and normalize conversations about mental health by amplifying the voices of those who live with these experiences every day. This particular episode resonates not just because of the pain described, but because of the unmistakable humanity, humor, and insight Cara brings to her recovery journey. Whether you live with depression yourself or love someone who does, this episode offers vital reminders that healing is possible and that no one is ever truly alone in their struggle.

1. Depression Isn’t Just Sadness — It’s a Whole-Body Experience

Many people associate depression with sadness, but as Cara explains, it can show up in many ways:

  • A deep numbness or emotional “nothingness”
  • A sinking feeling in your stomach
  • Grayness tinting your view of life
  • Dread of the day ahead

As Cara described:

You don’t think you’re ever going to feel the happiness again… your surroundings are almost like tinted as gray.

Cara emphasized that the experience of depression is not simply about feeling blue; it can completely consume your thoughts, energy, and sense of self.

2. It’s Easy to Mistake Depression for Normalcy

Cara began experiencing symptoms of depression as a teenager. But like many, she didn’t recognize it at the time:

  • Emotional numbness felt like her natural state
  • She thought everyone lived without joy or hope
  • She didn’t grow up surrounded by happiness, so sadness felt normal

As Cara reflected:

I thought that’s how we lived, really.

When we grow up in emotionally difficult environments, it’s hard to realize our suffering isn’t normal. Naming depression is the first step to healing.

3. Depression Can Cloud Your Will to Live

Cara bravely opened up about experiencing suicidal thoughts and attempts. This wasn’t about wanting attention — it was a desperate attempt to escape unrelenting pain:

  • Depression told her life wasn’t worth living
  • The darkness felt endless and absolute
  • These thoughts went unspoken for years

As Cara candidly shared:

There were times where I just didn’t want to be here… that thought was there for quite some time.

Her story reinforces the urgency of talking openly about suicidal ideation and the critical importance of early intervention.

4. Therapy Can Get Worse Before It Gets Better

Cara says starting therapy again in 2021 was the best thing she ever did — but it wasn’t easy:

  • Unpacking trauma made her feel worse at first
  • Naming her past experiences as trauma was painful but validating
  • Therapy involved facing uncomfortable truths

As Cara explained:

It made me feel worse in a sense. But I had to do this… It was the first time where we validated the word trauma.

Healing doesn’t follow a straight line. Sometimes it means making a bigger mess before putting things back together.

5. Validation Is a Critical Part of Recovery

One of Cara’s most profound turning points was when her therapist helped her realize that what she experienced was trauma:

  • She had minimized her pain for years
  • Being told she didn’t deserve what happened to her helped shift her self-perception
  • She began to appreciate how her struggles shaped her growth

As Cara noted:

I actually didn’t deserve that… There’s a sense of paying gratitude to my difficulties because of how it’s made me grow.

This kind of validation can break the shame cycle that keeps so many stuck.

6. Rock Bottom Isn’t Always the End

Cara describes a night in 2021 when she broke down crying while driving. She felt hopeless. Lost. But somehow, she reached out:

  • She Googled nearby counselors and sent an email
  • She went to her first session and spoke her truth
  • Her therapist told her, “You’re on to something amazing here”

As Cara recalled:

I was so proud of myself that session. It was the wee bit of light I needed in a very, very dark time.

You don’t have to be fully ready to heal to take the first step. Sometimes, survival is enough.

7. Recovery Is Never Linear

Cara’s story highlights the unpredictable nature of mental health recovery:

  • One week she felt amazing
  • The next, she sobbed uncontrollably in therapy
  • She kept going anyway

As Cara shared:

It just shows the bumpiness of it… knowing that in the really dark times, you felt happiness the week before.

Recovery isn’t a straight line. It’s a winding road filled with both setbacks and breakthroughs.

8. Light Can Appear in Small, Beautiful Moments

Cara finds hope in what she calls “snippets of happiness”:

  • Watching strangers hug
  • Drinking coffee without racing thoughts
  • Noticing 10 seconds of contentment

As Cara described:

I was actually content there for 10 seconds. I never thought I would actually be able to just enjoy coffee.

These glimpses remind us that healing is not only possible, but already happening.

9. Document the Good Days

To help her remember that light exists, Cara journals on good days:

  • She writes about moments of joy
  • She snaps pictures of coffee or her dog
  • She stores proof of happiness for future dark days

As Cara advised:

Let’s also journal whenever we’re feeling good… It’ll remind us that it’s possible.

In moments of hopelessness, that proof can be a lifeline.

10. Peer Support and Reassurance Carry Special Weight

Hearing hope from someone who’s been hopeless can be transformative:

  • Cara reminds us not to believe everything depression tells us
  • She urges people to hold on until tomorrow, not forever
  • She emphasizes taking tiny steps, not big leaps

As Cara encouraged:

You are a human being and you deserve to live and you deserve to live a happy life.

That message lands differently when it comes from someone who’s lived the truth of it.

11. Don’t Forecast Misery Forever — Focus on the Present

Dr. Anita Sanz offers a powerful reminder:

  • Depression often convinces us the future holds only pain
  • But we can survive the present
  • Like a flu or a cold, this will pass

As Dr. Anita Sanz explained:

Force yourself… as hard as it is, to stay in the present moment when the present moment is awful.

Staying present doesn’t mean pretending things are fine. It means trusting that this too shall pass.

Final Thoughts: Choosing Hope, Even When It’s Hard

Cara’s story serves as a vivid reminder that light often follows darkness — not in fairy-tale ways, but in deeply real and often subtle ones. Her lived experience affirms something essential: even in our lowest moments, even when we feel broken or empty, we still hold the power to make the smallest of choices — to hold on, to speak up, to reach out. And those choices can lead us back to the light.

As Terry McGuire beautifully reflected:

We as humans — not even just humans with depression — tend to find what we’re looking for. So if we look for reasons and ways that our value in the world is affirmed, we can usually find something.

We’re not guaranteed a life free of struggle, but we can create one rich with meaning, connection, and resilience. We can build it one small step, one deep breath, one whispered reminder at a time: hold on. Light is possible.

Moments of hope may feel fleeting at first, but with time and attention, they can multiply. They may begin as brief flashes — a sip of coffee savored, a comforting hug, a moment of peace on a quiet walk — but those flashes matter. They are proof. And they are the very building blocks of recovery. For anyone in darkness right now, take heart in knowing that you do not have to wait for a full cure or transformation to start feeling better. You only have to start by holding on — until tomorrow, until the next moment of light, and then the next.

Key Takeaways

Here are a few essential lessons from Cara’s story to carry with you or share with someone in need:

  • Depression is more than sadness — it impacts every part of our being.
  • Validation matters — especially when it comes from others or from within.
  • Therapy can feel worse before it feels better — but it’s worth it.
  • Recovery is not linear — ups and downs are part of the process.
  • Small moments of joy are powerful — even 10 seconds of peace counts.
  • Documenting the good helps you remember hope during the hard times.
  • Peer support is uniquely powerful — lived experience builds trust and connection.
  • You don’t need to hold on forever — just hold on for today.
  • You deserve to live — and not just survive, but to feel happiness, too.
  • The stories we tell ourselves shape what we believe — choose self-compassion over self-criticism whenever you can.
  • Even when happiness feels out of reach, it still exists — and it is not reserved for others. You are worthy of it.
  • Reaching out is an act of strength — asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means you are still fighting.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, consider sharing this episode of Giving Voice to Depression or reaching out to a trusted support resource. There is no shame in needing help. And there is always hope — even when we can’t yet see it.

As Cara urged:

Don’t believe everything that your depression tells you. Please don’t believe it.

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Ben Fisher’s Recovery and Redemption: 11 Ways to Find Your Purpose After Addiction

“You know, but some of us need to speak out because too many people are dying. And there’s these, you know, back in the day when AA started, there weren’t these drugs that were killing people first time. Yes. And it’s a scary place. So we need a few soldiers out there that are willing to do this.” – Ben Fisher

The journey of addiction and recovery is deeply personal, often marked by profound challenges and ultimately, immense triumph. For many, the path to sobriety is not just about abstaining from substances, but about rediscovering purpose, rebuilding connections, and transforming past experiences into powerful tools for change. Ben Fisher, the creative force behind “A String of Hope,” embodies this transformation, channeling his own battles with addiction into a platform that resonates with millions seeking mental health and addiction recovery.

1. The Genesis of a Troubled Connection: Music, Identity, and Early Exposure

Ben Fisher’s journey with addiction began at a surprisingly young age, interwoven with his passion for music and the perceived glamour of the rock and roll lifestyle. At just 12 years old, while playing guitar at a family gathering, he was handed a Budweiser by a “drunk uncle.” The experience was immediate and profound. “That wave hit me of, you know, feeling that for the first time at 12. And my 12-year-old brain was like, this is it. This is what I need to feel normal. It was like a switch flipped in me.”

This pivotal moment, however, wasn’t an isolated incident but rather a culmination of earlier influences. At seven, watching Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock, Ben was captivated, feeling a deep connection to the artist’s ability to move people through music. He began to idolize musicians who, despite their artistic brilliance, were also known for their struggles with addiction and alcoholism. This early association between rock stardom and substance abuse became a dangerous blueprint in his young mind. “I idolized them and I’m like, okay. So I have to live that lifestyle if I want to be that person. So I leaned into that at an early age.” This narrative highlights how formative experiences and environmental factors can inadvertently lay the groundwork for future struggles.

2. The Illusion of Control: Balancing Dual Lives

As Ben grew older, his addiction progressed, but so did his ability to compartmentalize. He maintained a starkly contrasting dual life: the party-hardy musician embracing the “rockstar lifestyle” and the dedicated worship leader at his church. “My entire drinking career and drinking and drug career, I was living two different people,” he recounts. “One was the party rockstar lifestyle and the other was the guy playing music at church.”

This ability to hide his struggles, particularly his burgeoning addiction to opiate pain medication, became a defining characteristic of his early adult life. He meticulously concealed his substance use from his girlfriend, who would later become his wife. “She knows nothing about it,” he said of his wife’s unawareness of his opiate addiction. “I was really good at hiding it and I hid it all, all through my life.” This functional addiction, where individuals maintain a semblance of normalcy despite severe substance use, can prolong the denial phase and delay seeking help. The façade of functionality can be incredibly isolating, as the individual carries the immense burden of their secret.

3. The Progressive Nature of Addiction: From Beer to Opiates

Ben’s story serves as a stark reminder of addiction’s progressive nature. What began with underage drinking escalated significantly in college, where he engaged in heavy pot use and occasional cocaine use. The turning point, however, came after a painful breakup when a coworker introduced him to opiate pain medication. “I tried them and they made me feel better. They made me feel way better.” This moment marked a new and more insidious phase of his addiction, as opiates offered an even more potent escape from emotional discomfort.

His reliance on opiates became so entrenched that he eventually sought Suboxone, initially buying it on the street before obtaining a legitimate prescription. The fear of his then-fiancée discovering his secret prompted a dangerous decision: cold-turkey withdrawal from Suboxone. This decision, made without medical supervision, led to a grueling, month-long withdrawal period that he endured alone, further illustrating the desperate lengths individuals will go to hide their addiction. “If you know anything about that, I know it’s a medication that’s great for helping people get off, but you have to taper down, step down very slowly. I went cold Turkey. It was the worst experience I’ve ever gone through. And nobody knew I was going through it. I went through it alone.” This dangerous self-detoxification further entrenched his alcohol use as a coping mechanism.

4. The Crushing Weight of Secrecy: Hiding in Plain Sight

The emotional toll of leading a double life, particularly from the person he loved most, was immense. Ben’s wife was unaware of his opiate addiction for seven years, even as they fell in love, got engaged, and bought a house. “That’s gotta be heavy on you,” the podcast host observes. “To not only just going through that addiction, but to hide such a huge part of you and what you’re going through from the person that you care so much about.”

The constant vigilance required to maintain this deception, coupled with the escalating demands of his addiction, undoubtedly contributed to his internal suffering. The pressure to maintain a “functional” exterior, even as his internal world crumbled, is a common theme in addiction. This sustained psychological burden can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and a deeper sense of shame.

5. The Fall from Grace: Losing Purpose and Community

A crucial turning point in Ben’s descent was the exposure of his addiction to his church community. His daily ritual of buying and consuming cheap vodka, even while driving, highlights the pervasive nature of his alcohol dependence. The moment of reckoning came when his eight-month pregnant wife found him passed out in his car, a bottle of vodka beside him. Her call to a friend at the church, whose husband was in recovery, ultimately led to Ben being pushed out of his role as worship leader.

“I ended up later in life becoming a worship leader, music director at a church… That broke me in my drinking. Then I was already at blackout stage. So then we were at the point where it’s like treatment, like what are we gonna do here?” This loss of his perceived identity and community, a place where he had found a sense of purpose through music, was devastating. While initially harboring resentment, Ben later recognized the complex dynamics at play, acknowledging that the church, in its vulnerable state, was also trying to protect itself. This incident underscores the profound impact addiction can have on relationships and one’s sense of self-worth.

6. The “Rock Bottom” That Changed Everything: His Daughter’s Safety

Ben’s true rock bottom arrived on Easter Sunday, 2016. After blacking out while caring for his infant daughter the day before, he woke up on his parents’ couch with no recollection of the events. The realization that his addiction had jeopardized his daughter’s safety was the jolt he needed.

“What she told me, just, it absolutely scared the life outta me because again, my daughter is everything to me. I, I love her more than the world. And, um, like I, I get emotional just thinking about it because, you know, something bad could have happened and, and I, if I didn’t go to jail, if something bad happened, I, I can tell you I probably wouldn’t be here ’cause I wouldn’t wanna live after that.” This moment, devoid of grand dramatic consequences like incarceration or near-death experiences, was nonetheless profoundly impactful. It demonstrates that “rock bottom” is subjective and deeply personal; for Ben, the threat to his child’s well-being was enough to trigger a fundamental shift. The immediate consequence of being asked to leave his home until he sought help further solidified his resolve.

7. The First Steps of Recovery: 90 Meetings in 90 Days

With his marriage on the line and the terrifying realization of his actions, Ben committed to recovery. His first concrete step was embracing the “90 meetings in 90 days” approach, a common recommendation in 12-Step programs. Despite his introverted nature, he dedicated himself to attending meetings daily. “I was going to meetings every day. I was sitting there and I never talked at any meetings. Like, you would’ve never seen me doing anything like this.”

This initial immersion in the recovery community, even without active participation in sharing, provided a crucial foundation of support and exposure to the principles of sobriety. It allowed him to absorb the experiences of others, gradually eroding the isolation that had characterized his addiction. This structured approach to early recovery provides consistency and a sense of routine, which can be invaluable in navigating the initial turbulent stages of sobriety.

8. Redefining Higher Power: A Personal Journey of Spirituality

Ben’s past role as a worship leader presented a unique challenge in his recovery journey, particularly concerning the concept of a “higher power” in 12-Step programs. He admitted to holding resentment towards organized religion. However, the flexibility of “God of your understanding” resonated deeply. “I loved how they said God of your understanding. And I latched onto that ’cause I’m like, I don’t understand the God that I have been leading worship too for other people. I don’t understand him right now.”

This willingness to redefine his spiritual beliefs on his own terms allowed him to engage with the spiritual aspect of recovery without feeling constrained by traditional religious dogma. This personal interpretation of a higher power is a cornerstone of many recovery programs, allowing individuals from diverse backgrounds to find a spiritual path that supports their sobriety.

9. Finding New Obsessions: The Power of Purposeful Action

Beyond attending meetings, Ben recognized the vital need to actively engage in something meaningful. He embraced the idea of finding “new addictions” or, more accurately, healthy obsessions. “I gotta, I gotta do something with myself. Yeah. You have to find something to kind of like dive into. That’s a huge part of my recovery story and what I..tell people is like, get busy doing something. Find something you love and do it. Find a new addiction, really obsession.”

This proactive approach to filling the void left by substance use is crucial for sustained recovery. For Ben, this translated into tangible projects, like building a playhouse, which provided a sense of accomplishment and a healthy outlet for his energy.

10. A String of Hope: Connecting Through Vulnerability

Ben’s journey eventually led him to create “A String of Hope,” a platform dedicated to mental health, addiction recovery, and personal growth. This endeavor is a powerful manifestation of his core desire, recognized only in recovery, to connect deeply with others. “I thought when I saw Jimi Hendrix that day, I thought what I wanted to be was a rockstar. And what I really wanted to do is harness what he had to connect to people.”

Through candid storytelling and motivational insights, Ben fosters a community of support and resilience, turning his past struggles into a beacon of hope for others. This act of service, of sharing his vulnerability and insights, has become his ultimate purpose, allowing him to impact millions. “I know now, today with the cute little videos that I do, I’m able to do that… Now I’m realizing like it was never about being a rock star and like performance, it was about connecting to people.” This demonstrates the profound healing that can occur when individuals transform their personal pain into a source of inspiration for others.

11. The Ongoing Journey: Life Beyond Addiction

Ben Fisher’s story is a testament to the transformative power of recovery. His life, now marked by sobriety and purpose, is rich with opportunities to connect and inspire. From a young boy captivated by a rockstar’s image to a man who understands the true meaning of connection, Ben’s journey highlights the continuous process of growth and self-discovery in sobriety. His story underscores the importance of seeking help, even when the path is difficult, and the profound impact that finding a new purpose can have on long-term recovery.

“Here I am today and life is so much better. And I’ve had so many opportunities like this to do.” His ongoing commitment to sharing his story, even as an introverted individual, showcases the strength and conviction that can emerge from overcoming adversity. Recovery is not a destination but a continuous process of self-improvement, resilience, and a commitment to a life lived fully and authentically.

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Roger’s Road to Recovery: 7+ Ways Hope Can Overpower Addiction

On this episode of the Giving Voice to Addiction Podcast, we sit down with Roger, a man who has not only navigated the treacherous waters of addiction but has emerged with a profound message of hope and resilience. Roger’s story is a testament to the human spirit’s capacity to overcome immense challenges, offering invaluable insights for anyone struggling with addiction or supporting a loved one through it.

1. The Overpowering Force of Hope: A Counter to Addiction’s Grip

Addiction often feels like an insurmountable force, an overpowering entity that leaves individuals feeling trapped and hopeless. However, Roger’s journey reveals a crucial truth: hope can be an even more potent force. For those entrenched in the depths of addiction, the very concept of hope can seem elusive, a forgotten dream. Yet, Roger, having lived through decades of active addiction and trauma, emphasizes its transformative power. He states, “It’s possible. It’s possible to find hope, and it’s possible that that hope can overpower everything that tries to stop us, and we can move towards the life that we’re trying to have.“

This isn’t a naive optimism but a hard-won conviction born from personal experience. Roger understands that addiction often leads to a sense of undeserving suffering, a belief that one is inherently flawed and destined for failure. He candidly shares his own past struggles with mental health and suicidal ideation, revealing that he once believed, “My addiction, my poor mental health, my time messing around with suicide. It’s a lie. I’m worth something. And for a long time I didn’t think I was.” This realization, that one’s worth is not diminished by addiction, is a cornerstone of true recovery.

The idea of standing “a millimeter taller” than one’s pain is a powerful metaphor Roger uses to illustrate the incremental victories in recovery. It signifies that even the smallest shift in perspective or effort can create a foothold, a spark of possibility that can ignite a larger transformation. This resonates deeply with the understanding that recovery is not a single event but a continuous process of small, deliberate steps.

2. Unpacking a Lifetime of Trauma and Addiction

Roger’s narrative is a stark reminder that addiction rarely exists in a vacuum. His story begins at a tender age, with his mother’s incarceration due to mental health issues when he was just four, followed by her subsequent homelessness. This early exposure to instability and profound loss laid a fertile ground for trauma. He began using drugs at 12, a rapid escalation from marijuana to speed, acid, and cocaine within a year. For Roger, drugs were initially a form of self-medication, a perceived source of comfort and safety in a chaotic world. He describes them as “my mother and my father all at the same time. It was comfort, nature, nurture. It was an escape. It was warm, especially when I started shooting heroin. It was warm, felt good. It was safe until it tried to kill me.“

The allure of drug dealing, though dangerous, provided a perverse sense of purpose and engagement that was otherwise lacking. This highlights how addiction can fulfill unmet needs, even in destructive ways. However, this illusion of safety and purpose eventually shattered. The constant threat of violence, including having a gun to his head multiple times, coupled with a cocaine overdose, signaled a turning point. The realization that his lifestyle was not only endangering himself but also his innocent family members became a powerful motivator for change. “Now I’m putting other people at risk,” he recalls, a clear indication that his addiction’s reach extended far beyond himself.

The journey to discontinue drug use was not immediate but a five-year “de-escalation,” starting with breaking free from the needle and gradually tapering off harder substances. This gradual process underscores that recovery is often a marathon, not a sprint, requiring sustained effort and commitment.

3. The Power of a Vision: Turning Point to Recovery

One of the most profound catalysts for Roger’s initial sobriety was a vivid dream of his own funeral, where he witnessed the devastation it wrought on his father and sister. This dream, coupled with a subsequent “day vision,” solidified his resolve to change. “I had a dream and the dream was my funeral. Then I looked around the funeral scene and I saw my dad and my middle sister, who I’m very close with, and they were just wrecked.” This powerful emotional experience transcended his love for being high, offering a clear and devastating consequence of continuing his path. It shifted his motivation from self-preservation to protecting those he loved.

This deeply personal turning point illustrates that while external pressures can play a role, true and lasting change often stems from an internal shift in values and priorities. Roger’s decision was not driven by a desire to simply stop using, but by a profound realization of the impact his addiction had on his loved ones.

After finally quitting drugs, Roger channeled his addictive tendencies into a new, healthier pursuit: professional mountain biking. While this brought its own set of challenges, including head injuries, it was a significantly less destructive path than his previous drug use. This demonstrates the concept of addiction transfer, where individuals in recovery might replace one addictive behavior with another. While not ideal, it can sometimes be a stepping stone towards healthier coping mechanisms, provided it doesn’t lead to equally destructive outcomes.

4. The Continuous Journey: Sobriety, Clean Time, and Recovery

Roger’s commitment to his recovery is evident in his meticulous counting of clean time: “36 years, one month, and four days.” This unwavering awareness of his sobriety date is not a burden but a source of strength, a tangible representation of his dedication. He explains, “I have to count the days. The days give me strength if I let myself go, I’d be dead tonight because if I’m gonna give up that time, I’m going all the way.” This highlights the ever-present temptation for those in recovery and the importance of recognizing the significant investment made in staying clean.

However, Roger’s journey also includes a relapse with alcohol after his first divorce, underscoring that recovery is not a linear path. Despite being clean from drugs for 15 years, the emotional devastation of his divorce led him to heavy alcohol use, consuming a fifth of tequila daily and later two to three bottles of wine. This period of alcohol abuse lasted five years. His experience demonstrates that past sobriety from one substance doesn’t grant immunity from addiction to others, especially during periods of intense emotional distress.

His eventual cessation of alcohol came after a work trip in Spain where he drank himself unconscious and missed a flight, followed by his second wife being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. This dual crisis, coupled with the realization of the impact on their three young children, spurred him and his wife to quit drinking together. This collective decision highlights the power of shared commitment and accountability in recovery, especially when children are involved. Roger now differentiates between his “clean” time from drugs and his “sober” time from alcohol, emphasizing that true recovery encompasses addressing all addictive behaviors and underlying issues. He states, “I’m 14 years sober. 14 years, and 21 days, April 17th. So I count that too.”

5. Beyond Abstinence: The Essence of True Recovery

For Roger, being “clean” and “sober” is distinct from being “in recovery.” His past experience with suicidal ideation, even years after achieving drug sobriety, revealed that abstinence alone isn’t enough. He discovered that his suicidal thoughts were a side effect of antidepressant medication, emphasizing the complex interplay between mental health and substance use. Roger’s current recovery hinges on a structured life built on connection, engagement, and introspection. Living in a cabin in the woods without internet, cell service, or TV forces him to actively seek human connection. He elaborates, “I need structure. I need engagement. I need connection… I have to consciously get outta the house every day, or it puts me in trouble. But that connection is key for me and facing my truth.“

This active pursuit of connection and self-awareness through journaling, writing, and maintaining relationships with friends and family is central to his ongoing well-being. He also finds purpose in mentoring others, understanding that helping others strengthens his own resolve. This highlights the altruistic nature of recovery, where sharing one’s experience can create a virtuous cycle of support.

6. Understanding Addiction from the Family’s Perspective

Addiction’s ripple effect extends far beyond the individual, deeply impacting families who often grapple with immense pain, confusion, and a desperate desire to help. Roger offers crucial insights for families struggling to understand their loved one’s addiction. He emphasizes that judgmental attitudes towards behavior miss the underlying suffering. “For many people there is a mental health component that goes along with substance abuse. And more than anything, I think as a people, as humanity, we’re quick to judge the behavior. The behavior is the person people think. It’s not that person’s in trouble. That person’s hurting.“

This distinction between the person and their behavior is fundamental to fostering empathy and effective support. Roger advises families to “love the person no matter what” while simultaneously establishing healthy boundaries. He acknowledges the fine line between tough love and enabling, urging understanding that individuals, even in addiction, are often doing what they believe is best, however misguided it may seem.

Roger asserts that genuine change must come from within: “If we want to go to rehab, we have to want to go to rehab. If we want to quit, we have to want to quit.” This speaks to the limitations of external pressure and the necessity of internal motivation. His personal experience of his mother’s homelessness serves as a poignant example of how societal judgment can dehumanize individuals struggling with addiction and mental illness, reminding us that “that’s somebody’s mother. That’s somebody’s sister. That’s somebody’s kid.”

7. The Role of Support and the Evolution of Treatment

While Roger’s journey was largely self-directed due to the limited resources available at the time, he acknowledges the critical role support plays. He recalls how two close friends intervened when he was desperate to quit the needle, physically preventing him from using and offering unwavering support. “I just told ’em, this is my life and this is how I’m gonna die. I was crying and they said, well, we’re gonna help you.” This demonstrates the profound impact of genuine care and intervention when an individual is ready to receive it. His move to Colorado, away from the triggers of Baltimore, also provided a crucial “break” from his active addiction.

Roger’s early attempt to seek professional help was met with a devastating response: “What’s your insurance? I don’t have any. And they’re like, sorry, we can’t help you.” This highlights the significant barriers to treatment that existed in the past, particularly for those without financial means. It underscores the vital progress made in the addiction treatment landscape, with increased access to resources like harm reduction strategies, needle exchange programs, and a greater emphasis on integrated care for co-occurring mental health disorders. While Roger didn’t attend his first 12-Step meeting until six years ago, he now recognizes their immense value: “They are helpful ’cause it’s a community that you don’t find elsewhere. You need people that can accept you as you are.”

8. Roger’s Enduring Message of Possibility

Roger’s ultimate message is one of unwavering hope and the boundless possibilities of change. He implores anyone struggling to believe in the potential for a different future: “It is possible. It’s possible for something else. It’s possible for change. Change is actually a given.” He challenges the ingrained cynicism and self-deprecating labels that often accompany addiction, such as “loser, low life piece of shit, junky, alcoholic, dropout.” Roger powerfully asserts, “No matter our worst behavior, we’re more than that. We can be anything we wanna be. We can start over every single morning.”

His call to action is simple yet profound: “Just get started. Try to try start there.” This emphasis on taking the first, often daunting, step resonates with anyone facing a significant challenge. Roger’s journey from a childhood marred by trauma and a devastating 13-year drug addiction to a life of profound purpose and continuous recovery is a powerful testament to the fact that even in the darkest moments, possibility exists.

Roger’s story is a beacon of hope for countless individuals. It underscores that recovery is a complex, non-linear journey often intertwined with trauma and mental health challenges. Yet, with internal motivation, external support, and an unwavering belief in the possibility of change, individuals can not only overcome addiction but also build lives of purpose and profound meaning. His message is a powerful reminder that “you’re beautiful. I love you, and you can do it. I know it. Absolutely know it. ‘Cause it is possible.”

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Depression and Recovery: Sabra’s 7 Ways to Find Your Path to Feeling Good

Battling depression can feel like being stuck in a deep pit with no way out. The weight of sadness, lack of energy, and loss of interest in life can be overwhelming, making even simple daily tasks feel impossible. But what if there were not just one, but many paths to finding your way back to feeling good?

In a recent episode of the Giving Voice to Mental Health Podcast by Recovery.com, Sabra, a woman navigating career transitions and significant grief, shared her powerful journey through depression and recovery. Her story highlights a crucial message: options are beautiful, and not having options can be dangerous.

Sabra’s experience underscores the multifaceted nature of depression and the importance of a personalized approach to healing. From navigating seasonal affective disorder and deep depressive episodes to exploring different medications and ultimately finding profound relief through ketamine treatment, her story is a testament to resilience and the evolving landscape of mental health care.

1. Recognizing the Nuances of Depression

Depression isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. It can manifest in various forms, from persistent low-grade sadness to severe, debilitating episodes. Sabra’s narrative beautifully illustrates this spectrum. She openly discussed her diagnosis of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a type of depression linked to changes in seasons, typically in winter. However, she also spoke of “deep depressions” triggered by significant life events, such as a traumatic divorce, a devastating breakup, and the compounding grief of losing her father and beloved dog.

For Sabra, a self-proclaimed “type A person, artist who has hustled and worked and been doing all of the things all of the time,” depression brought her to a jarring halt. She describes it as slowing her down, making her feel like “nothing is functioning.” Even when she appeared “normal” to others, internally, she felt a profound loss of energy, passion, and drive.

“It may look normal, but it’s not your normal,” she powerfully stated, emphasizing the internal struggle that often goes unseen. This highlights a critical aspect of depression: its impact is often deeply personal and may not always be evident to those around you. Recognizing this internal disparity is a vital first step toward seeking help.

Life throws curveballs, and for individuals prone to depression, these curveballs can act as powerful triggers. Sabra’s story is a prime example. The end of a challenging marriage, a subsequent heartbreak, and then the successive losses of her father and dog plunged her into deep depressive states. These external factors exacerbated her underlying tendencies toward depression and SAD.

“I knew that there were other factors involved, like having tried a few different medications within the year and that they didn’t work. And just being triggered more and saying, yeah, this is more than just grief. This is uncontrollable grief, this is depression,” Sabra recounted.

Recognizing triggers is an essential part of managing mental health. Whether it’s seasonal changes, significant life stressors, relationship difficulties, or grief, understanding what might precipitate a depressive episode allows for proactive strategies and seeking support before symptoms become overwhelming. It’s about understanding that while grief is a natural response to loss, when it becomes “uncontrollable” and leads to a significant decline in functioning, it may have transitioned into depression.

3. The Journey Through Different Treatment Paths

The path to recovery is rarely linear, and Sabra’s experience with various treatments perfectly illustrates this. Her initial attempts with traditional antidepressants, Zoloft and Lexapro, yielded mixed results. While they offered some support, the side effects and lack of significant improvement led her to discontinue them. This highlights a common reality: finding the right medication and dosage often requires patience and collaboration with a healthcare provider.

Sabra’s candidness about the challenges she faced with these medications—sleep disturbances, headaches, and a general feeling of not receiving enough support—is a crucial reminder that not every treatment works for everyone, and it’s okay to advocate for yourself and explore alternatives.

“I did not respond well to the Zoloft. I didn’t sleep well. I had headaches all the time. It was making me very unhappy and uncomfortable. And so that was not the right thing,” she explained.

Explore treatment options for depression.

4. Embracing Novel and Emerging Treatments: Ketamine

When traditional approaches weren’t providing the relief she desperately needed, Sabra was introduced to ketamine treatment through a friend who is an ER doctor and co-owns a ketamine clinic. This marked a significant turning point in her recovery journey. Despite her initial fear and unfamiliarity with psychedelic drugs, the structured, clinical setting and the presence of a supportive nurse helped alleviate her anxieties.

Ketamine-assisted therapy is an emerging treatment for severe depression, PTSD, and other mental health conditions, often used when other treatments haven’t been effective. Administered in a controlled environment, it can rapidly reduce depressive symptoms and offer a new perspective for individuals struggling with persistent mental health challenges.

“She said, it’s okay to cry. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just experience what you can and I’ll be right here with you the whole time,” Sabra shared about her nurse, highlighting the compassionate support that made a difference.

After six sessions of ketamine treatment, Sabra experienced a profound shift. Less than a month later, she was “smiling and laughing and telling the story and out and about and feeling great.” While she still grieves her dog, the debilitating depression that consumed her had lifted.

This transformative experience underscores the importance of staying open to evidence-based, newer interventions when conventional methods fall short. It’s a reminder that the landscape of mental health treatment is continually evolving, offering new avenues for healing and recovery.

5. The Power of Community and Support

Beyond formal treatments, Sabra emphasized the critical role of community and support in her recovery. Her best friend, who advocated for ketamine treatment and provided a vital connection, played a significant role in her journey. Having someone who could see her suffering and offer a concrete solution was invaluable, especially when Sabra felt too overwhelmed to seek help herself.

“My best friend is married to an ER doctor and they own a ketamine clinic here in town, and she had been telling me, I wish you hadn’t gone on those antidepressants. I really think the ketamine would help,” Sabra explained, showing the pivotal role her friend played.

This highlights a universal truth in mental health recovery: you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether it’s friends, family, support groups, or peer communities, having a network of people who understand and care can make a profound difference. As the podcast hosts discussed, mental health challenges can be incredibly isolating, and having someone simply listen without judgment can be a powerful form of healing.

“When we can just listen, that alone can be like a treatment. That alone is one of the things that helps us get through, get past or find a little bit of peace in whatever pit we happened to be stuck in at the time,” one reflected.

6. The Evolving Nature of Recovery and Self-Compassion

Recovery from depression isn’t a destination; it’s an ongoing journey. As Sabra and the hosts discussed, what works today might not be what’s needed a year from now. Our needs change, and so too should our approach to mental well-being. This calls for a flexible mindset and a willingness to continually reassess and adapt our coping mechanisms and treatment strategies.

The idea that “all of those things that maybe felt like they didn’t work, they were leading us somewhere,” is a powerful perspective. Each attempted treatment, even if seemingly unsuccessful, provides valuable information and nudges us closer to what does work. It’s about building a comprehensive toolkit of strategies and resources rather than relying on a single “fix.”

Furthermore, self-compassion is key. Depression often comes with intense self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy. Sabra, as a “type A” individual, struggled with feeling “substandard” when her energy and drive diminished. Learning to extend grace to oneself during these challenging periods is vital for healing.

7. The Importance of Options and Accessible Resources

Perhaps the most resonant takeaway from Sabra’s story is the profound importance of having options and access to resources. When depression takes hold, the ability to seek out and evaluate different pathways to healing can be severely impaired. This is where comprehensive, accessible resources like Recovery.com become invaluable.

“I think to know that there are many options, but you have to find the one that works for you because there’s not one right solution and it might be a multitude of things,” Sabra wisely advised.

A platform that allows individuals to explore various treatment modalities, filter by location, insurance, and specific conditions, can significantly reduce the barrier to seeking help. When someone is at their lowest, the thought of navigating complex healthcare systems can be overwhelming. A streamlined resource that presents available options empowers individuals to take that crucial first step.

“Because having options is a lot better than not having any options,” the hosts concluded, summarizing the core message of Sabra’s empowering narrative.

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Memory, Mood, and Mental Health: 13 Strategies to Outsmart Depression’s Lie

This article is a summary of a conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In this episode, Terry and her daughter and co-host Carly speak with mental health advocate and writer Natasha Tracy about how depression distorts and even erases our happy memories, making recovery more difficult.

1. Understand That Depression Can Literally Steal Your Memories

It’s not just in your head. Research has shown that depression can interfere with memory, particularly memories of positive experiences. This cognitive symptom is often overlooked, but it plays a powerful role in deepening depressive episodes.

As Natasha explained:

In a profound depression, it’s almost like someone has erased my memory from all of the good experiences. Or to put it another way, they’ve taken good experiences and made them feel like they were depressed, even when they weren’t.

Why it matters: When we can’t access proof that we’ve been happy before, it becomes much harder to believe we can be happy again. That absence of memory feeds hopelessness and prolongs suffering.

2. Learn the Concept of “State Memory”

Natasha explains a psychological phenomenon known as state-dependent memory: when you’re depressed, your brain better recalls other times you felt depressed. When you’re happy, you remember happier experiences.

This means:

  • Depression reinforces itself.
  • Memory becomes emotionally filtered.
  • Positive memories feel distant or even untrue.

As Natasha said:

That’s called state memory… When you’re happy it’s great… but when we’re really profoundly depressed that particular propensity is very negative.

Key takeaway: Depression distorts your sense of time and history. It tricks you into thinking you’ve always felt this way.

3. Talk Back to Depression

Natasha offers a powerful cognitive behavioral approach: externalize your depression and then argue with it.

She suggests imagining a split between your mind and your brain:

  • Your brain is where depression lives.
  • Your mind is your truest self, beyond the illness.

As Natasha shared:

My brain says to me, you are very depressed, you should kill yourself. But my mind says to my depression, you are lying to me. Yes, I am depressed. But the world would not be better off without me.

Practice it:

  • Name the depression.
  • Speak to it in your own voice.
  • Call out its lies and reclaim your truth.

4. Use Your Own Voice as a Lifeline

One of Natasha’s most profound strategies is to record a video to yourself when you’re not depressed. No production needed. Just talk to yourself.

As Natasha suggested:

Hello, I know you’re feeling really depressed right now… but I am sitting here on this very day, sitting in front of the camera and I’m talking to you and I am doing it while I am not depressed.

Why it helps:

  • We believe our own voice more than anyone else’s.
  • Watching ourselves in a healthy state creates visual, emotional proof of better times.

As Terry eloquently put it:

Even if where I am right now is not perfect by any means, it is so much better than where you are and you’ll get here because you’re me and I’m here.

5. Borrow the Memories of Loved Ones

Depression might block your access to good memories, but others can help you remember.

One listener, Dina Marie, contacted friends and family and asked them to write down joyful memories they shared with her. She saved these letters and rereads them during depressive episodes.

Additional ideas:

  • Ask for a voice message or photo.
  • Create a memory scrapbook.
  • Store these reminders where you’ll see them.

As Natasha said:

When your memory’s not working properly, count on other people.

6. Build a “Hope Kit” of Tangible Memories

Several guests on the podcast have suggested assembling a box of reminders that you can turn to when depression sets in.

What to include:

  • Photos of happy times
  • Concert or travel ticket stubs
  • Notes from friends
  • Mementos from places that brought you peace

Carly also created a phone album called “Happy Things” with images she finds comforting.

As Carly explained:

These are each evidence of something good about my life that right now isn’t stirring up those good feelings in me, but that’s the filter of depression, not the reality.

7. Ask Trusted People to Describe You

When depression dulls not only your memories but also your identity, ask friends to reflect your best traits back to you.

Carly once texted 12 friends asking them to share three words they’d use to describe her. She saved the responses in a note for low days.

Why it helps:

  • Reconnects you to your identity
  • Counters negative self-talk
  • Grounds you in truth from people who love you

As Carly shared:

It was something I could hold on to, to prevent myself from going under.

8. Choose Uplifting Over Depressing Stimuli

When you’re depressed, the temptation might be to match your mood with sad songs, bleak movies, or isolating behaviors. But Natasha urges listeners to do the opposite.

Swap in:

  • Music that makes you smile
  • Nature sounds or favorite movies
  • Bright, sensory-rich environments

As Natasha advised:

If you’re depressed, you don’t put yourself in further depressing situations, if at all possible.

Remember: Even a small lift matters. Tiny joys can interrupt deep spirals.

9. Accept That Hope Might Be Fragile, But It’s Still Powerful

Hope, as Natasha says, is tricky. It can feel like a risk. Especially when you’ve had treatments or strategies fail in the past.

As Natasha reflected:

You need a kernel. You need something. You need a tiny little flame inside of you that says there is hope.

But even if it’s only enough hope to feed the cat or get out of bed, it’s still real. It’s still yours.

What to hold onto:

  • Hope doesn’t need to be huge.
  • It just needs to be enough for today.

10. Remember That Depression Lies

Finally, the most essential reminder: depression lies. And it lies in your own voice.

As Natasha explained:

Depression knows the worst way to say something to you. It knows the way to hurt you the most because it lives in your brain.

The lies sound real. They sound like truth. But they are part of the illness, not your identity.

So what can you do?

  • Externalize the depression.
  • Use tools like video messages, photos, letters.
  • Practice separating your truth from the illness’ voice.

As Terry poignantly observed:

If we were watching this in some movie and there was some mad scientist doing this, we’d be like, ‘Oh, that’s a little far. Really, they can’t have their happy memories?’ But here we are.

11. Recognize How Depression Isolates You from Gratitude

Many well-meaning people remind those who are struggling to “count their blessings,” but depression blocks access to that sense of appreciation. It filters out even obvious, meaningful positives.

As Carly pointed out:

You’re reminding me of something I already know… I know that, I can’t feel that. And that can almost feel like an added level of despair.

Acknowledging this gap between knowledge and emotional access can help reduce shame and judgment.

12. Try a Shoulder-to-Shoulder Approach with Yourself

Rather than setting aside special time to record affirmations or journal, Carly suggests using small, daily moments—like a solo drive—as opportunities to connect with yourself gently and honestly.

As Carly shared:

I did it while I was in the car driving. And so… shoulder to shoulder with myself. It really felt like it was for me.

Creating space for self-compassion doesn’t have to be formal. It can be woven into everyday routines.

13. Build a Toolkit of Options That Change Over Time

Not every strategy works every time. That’s why it’s important to experiment with different supports and know that your needs may evolve.

As Terry reflected:

If you say you access A, B and C and you go, well, they’re not working this time… how many do I have to try before I get to the ‘I’ve got to call my doctor.’ But at least I recognize it as medical now.

Keep a wide variety of supports on hand: videos, notes, apps, therapy, medication, or community.

Key Takeaways

  • Depression can erase or distort memories of joy and identity.
  • Tools like letters, photos, and video messages can help reconnect to truth.
  • Speaking back to depression—verbally or mentally—is powerful.
  • Gratitude and positive thinking are inaccessible, not absent.
  • Your voice may be the most trusted voice you can hear in dark moments.

Final Thoughts

The effects of depression go far beyond sadness. As this episode with Natasha Tracy highlights, one of its most heartbreaking traits is the way it severs us from our past joy—and the possibility of future joy.

But there are ways to fight back. Whether it’s recording a message to your future self, building a collection of happy reminders, or asking loved ones to reflect the truth when you can’t see it—these tools offer a way to hold on.

And when hope feels fragile or memory fails, let this be your reminder: the joy you’ve known hasn’t vanished. It’s simply hidden. And with support, self-kindness, and time, it can be remembered again.

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Riley Whelan’s Alcohol Addiction Journey: 7 Ways “Uniquely Broken” Led to Lasting Recovery

The journey to sobriety is often paved with isolation, shame, and the daunting belief that one’s struggles are singular and insurmountable. Yet, as Riley Whelan, a prominent TikTok creator and sober advocate, eloquently shares on Recoverycast, the path to healing often begins with the liberating realization that you are not, in fact, “uniquely broken.” Her candid account of battling ADHD, addiction, and relapse offers a powerful narrative of resilience, highlighting the transformative power of self-acceptance, community, and professional support.

1. The Genesis of a Problem: Early Exposure and Self-Medication

Riley’s story begins in Louisville, Kentucky, a place where, as she describes, drinking at a young age was “very normal.” Starting at 13, her initial encounters with alcohol were seemingly innocent—a means to “fit in, have fun,” and emulate what she perceived as normalcy. However, even from the outset, her consumption patterns diverged significantly from her peers. “I never drank normally,” she recalls, “like the first time I ever drank it was in excess and I don’t even really remember that much of it, but I knew that I wanted to keep doing it.”

This early immersion quickly escalated. By high school, drinking became the anticipated weekend ritual, and marijuana entered the picture as a daily “maintenance” tool. What started as a desire for connection subtly transformed into a dependence, an unconscious attempt to fill a void. Riley later identified this void as stemming from undiagnosed depression and anxiety, coupled with ADHD. The substances, particularly marijuana, served as a crude form of self-medication, quieting the relentless noise of her mind and offering a fleeting sense of calm.

Explore treatment options for depression, anxiety, and ADHD.

2. The Illusion of Control: The Isolation of a Secret Battle

As her substance use progressed, so did its insidious grip, fostering a profound sense of isolation. While early use involved social settings, Riley increasingly preferred to use alone, retreating into a private world fueled by addiction. This solitary consumption further cemented the belief that her struggles were unique, a secret burden she carried. “Those things really isolated me too,” she reflects. “Like just from the world in general. I thought I was uniquely, I thought I was unique…Uniquely broken. Yeah…and it just turns out I was an alcoholic and it’s okay.”

This feeling of being “uniquely broken” is a common thread among those battling addiction. The shame and stigma associated with substance use often prevent individuals from seeking help or even acknowledging their struggles to others. This internal battle can exacerbate mental health symptoms, creating a vicious cycle. The inability to articulate or even recognize these feelings at a young age, as Riley explains, further compounded her isolation. She “had no idea what I was experiencing,” only that it was “unsettling.”

3. The Family Dynamic: Unintended Enabling and the “Playbook” of Discipline

Riley’s high school years were marked by escalating challenges, as her family grappled with her increasingly concerning behaviors. Despite her parents’ love and efforts, their approach to her substance use largely followed a traditional “playbook” of discipline rather than open dialogue about underlying issues. “It was never, and like, this is no, no shade to like my parents or anything because I have no idea what it’s like to be a parent to me,” Riley clarifies, acknowledging the difficulty of parenting an adolescent struggling with addiction.

She describes how her parents’ response was primarily disciplinary – “if you get caught drinking when we catch you drinking, when they would catch me drinking, it was like, you’re grounded. Like, we don’t even understand. We don’t know why you’re doing this.” This common parental response, while well-intentioned, often falls short in addressing the complex nature of addiction, especially when coupled with a genetic predisposition. Alcoholism ran on both sides of Riley’s family, a crucial factor that often goes unaddressed in early interventions.

4. The Geographical Cure: A Cross-Country Illusion

By her early twenties, Riley’s life was spiraling. Kicked out of her parents’ home and facing eviction, she impulsively embarked on a cross-country journey to California, driven by the misguided belief that a change of scenery would solve her problems. “I told myself if I just made a geographical change that I… don’t think I’m the only person that’s ever like fall fallen victim to that,” she admits. This phenomenon, often termed the “geographical cure,” is a common, yet ultimately ineffective, coping mechanism for individuals struggling with addiction. The underlying issues that fuel addiction are internal, and simply changing one’s environment rarely addresses them.

Her time in California, coinciding with the onset of COVID-19, only exacerbated her addiction. “Things did not get better. They got worse,” she states, emphasizing that addiction, like a shadow, follows wherever one goes. This period was marked by increasingly reckless behavior and a growing dependence on alcohol, further isolating her from her family, with whom she had minimal contact, primarily reaching out only “when I needed something.”

Explore treatment options for alcohol addiction.

5. The Turning Point: Rock Bottom and the Call for Help

The illusion of the “geographical cure” shattered when Riley, after six and a half months in California, was gently nudged back to Kentucky. Stripped of distractions and in constant confrontation with her addiction, she hit rock bottom. “I was like in survival mode. And it was just me and my alcoholism,” she recalls. The pain became unbearable, a daily yearning “just wishing the pain would go away.”

The true catalyst for change came from her sisters, who confronted her with a heartbreaking truth: “we love you so much, but this is, this is like not our sister that we know… we have looked up to you our whole lives and this is what you’ve become.” This raw honesty, delivered by those she held dearest, penetrated the denial and shame, finally breaking through her resistance. At this point, she was “willing to do whatever was necessary” to get help, marking a crucial shift from unwilling participant to active seeker of recovery. This willingness, as Riley emphasizes, is paramount. Even with all the facts and support, true change only occurs when the individual is ready.

6. Entering Treatment: The Reality of Recovery, Not a “Normal Drinker”

Riley’s first foray into treatment was born out of desperation and a fundamental misunderstanding of what recovery entailed. Still under the influence upon arrival, she harbored the misconception that treatment would teach her “how to drink better.” This highlights a common initial expectation among those entering recovery – the desire to control their substance use rather than abstain entirely.

However, treatment quickly dispelled this illusion. It was the first time she truly confronted the definition of alcoholism and recognized herself in every symptom. “I had such an idea, locked in idea of what I thought an alcoholic was. That was like an older adult who had lost everything… and I thought I was way too young to be an alcoholic.” This self-realization, coupled with exposure to other individuals in recovery, proved to be a profound turning point. Connecting with others who shared similar experiences, even those much older, fostered a sense of belonging and dissolved the intense isolation she had felt. “It was cathartic,” she explains. “Because I had never, I had not grown up with anybody that I knew, or that I felt like experienced what I experienced and only it, it only an alcoholic can really get through to another alcoholic.”

This shared experience in a supportive environment, as she points out, is crucial for breaking down the shame and self-blame that often accompany addiction. Seeing others who had engaged in similar behaviors but were now getting healthy provided a powerful sense of hope and validation.

7. The Enduring Truth: “It Gets Better”

Riley’s most poignant piece of advice, shared at the beginning of her interview, encapsulates the essence of her journey: “It gets better.” This simple yet profound statement, while initially seeming generic, has been undeniably proven true throughout her sobriety. For her younger self, struggling with unidentifiable anxieties and a pervasive feeling of being “less than,” such a concept would have been incomprehensible. But through the arduous process of confronting her addiction, seeking help, and building a life in recovery, the meaning of “better” has become tangible.

Her story is a testament to the fact that addiction is a complex disease, not a moral failing. Recognizing this distinction is fundamental to fostering self-compassion and seeking appropriate care. While the path to recovery is often messy and challenging, it is undeniably “beautiful, and absolutely worth it.” The journey out of isolation and into a supportive community is not only possible but essential.

Riley’s advocacy, through her TikTok platform, now helps countless others navigate their own journeys, offering a vibrant voice of hope and reminding everyone that “none of us have to do it alone.” If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, remember Riley’s words: “It really does get better.” Help is available, and finding the right support can make all the difference.

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Tanya’s Path to Drug and Alcohol Recovery: 5+ Steps to Reclaiming Your Life

 

Addiction is a complex journey, often misunderstood as solely a struggle with substances. However, as one individual’s powerful story reveals, the path to recovery is often a multifaceted healing process from deeper wounds. Tanya, a guest on the Giving Voice to Addiction Podcast by Recovery.com, shares her remarkable journey, highlighting that recovery is frequently about addressing underlying issues like grief, loss, abandonment, and trauma. Her experience underscores a vital truth: addiction is a symptom, and true healing involves confronting the root causes.

1. Recognizing the True Nature of Addiction

Tanya’s story begins with an early exposure to alcohol in a home where drinking was normalized. By the age of 11, she experienced intoxication, and at 14, she discovered cannabis, which provided a feeling of solace and belonging she desperately sought. Unlike alcohol, which she associated with her mother’s struggles, cannabis became her preferred escape. This early attachment to substances wasn’t seen as a problem, but rather a coping mechanism for a turbulent childhood marked by abandonment and instability.

For Tanya, drug use was a “reasonable reaction to the life you were living and ways of managing it versus a problem.” This sentiment resonates with many who turn to substances to cope with overwhelming emotions or difficult circumstances. It highlights a critical aspect of addiction: it often serves as a maladaptive coping strategy. Recognizing this distinction—that the substance use is a symptom rather than the sole issue—is a crucial first step in understanding and addressing addiction comprehensively.

2. Unmasking the Illusion of Control

A common thread in addiction narratives is the belief in one’s ability to control substance use, even in the face of escalating negative consequences. Tanya, despite periods of sobriety and academic success, found herself repeatedly returning to drugs. Her intravenous drug use at 17, followed by her brother’s suicide and an abusive relationship, pushed her to a desperate point where she sought to use enough to not wake up. Yet, even after this harrowing experience and facing multiple felony charges, she maintained the illusion of control.

“I still was convinced that I was in, I was in control that I can stop.” This persistent denial is a hallmark of addiction. The brain’s chemistry is altered, making it incredibly difficult to simply stop, despite intentions or external pressures. The belief that one can stop at will often delays seeking professional help, perpetuating the cycle of use. Tanya’s realization that her “brain was hijacked” and she wasn’t truly in control marked a significant shift in her perspective.

3. Embracing the Power of Community and Connection

For many years, Tanya felt isolated in her struggles, believing no one understood her experience. This sense of being alone is a common barrier to recovery. However, a turning point came when she was mandated to treatment and discovered recovery communities like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous.

“I didn’t even know there was like a whole like community of people in recovery. I felt so alone. I felt really like no one understood. And I went to my first meeting and it was a speaker meeting and it was like that gentleman was telling my story up there.”

This realization that others shared similar experiences provided a profound sense of belonging and hope. Building a “community of support” became a foundational element of Tanya’s long-term recovery. A co-host of the podcast, points out, “The opposite of addiction is connection.” This connection can be found in various forms: mutual support groups, outpatient programs, therapy groups, or through peer support specialists. These communities offer a safe space for sharing, understanding, and mutual encouragement, combating the isolation that often fuels addiction.

4. The Role of Trauma Therapy in Healing

While community support and addressing substance use are vital, Tanya emphasizes the transformative impact of trauma therapy. She began trauma therapy while pregnant with her daughter, a period when she still struggled with active addiction. This concurrent focus on healing past wounds alongside addressing substance use proved to be a powerful combination.

“I’d also started trauma therapy when I was pregnant with my daughter… I think by far that has been the, the biggest contributor to who I am as a person today, as the work that I’ve done in that space.”

Many individuals turn to substances as a way to self-medicate unresolved trauma. Addressing these underlying traumatic experiences through therapy can dismantle the very foundation of addictive behaviors. Trauma-informed care recognizes the profound impact of past experiences on current coping mechanisms and provides strategies for healthy emotional processing and resilience building. This holistic approach is often crucial for sustainable recovery, as it tackles the root causes of distress that might otherwise lead to relapse.

5. Resilience, Perseverance, and Self-Love

Tanya’s journey was not linear. Despite her initial period of sobriety, she experienced a relapse six and a half years into her recovery, triggered by the belief that she could control alcohol. This experience, though painful, ultimately deepened her commitment to sobriety and led her back to residential treatment. It highlights that recovery is a continuous process, and setbacks, while challenging, can also be opportunities for growth and renewed dedication.

Today, Tanya celebrates over 11 years of long-term recovery from all substances. She has built a life filled with “profound and deep and meaningful and loyal and trustworthy” relationships. She has established her first truly “safe space” in her home and dedicates her professional life to supporting others on their recovery journeys as a clinical substance use counselor—a dream she held since childhood.

Her story is a testament to the power of “hard work, perseverance, courage, bravery, accountability.” For those in the depths of despair, Tanya offers a message of profound hope: “You matter. You are enough, you are lovable despite what you are doing because that is just it, it’s actions. It’s not who you are.” This message of self-love and inherent worth is often lost in the grips of addiction but is fundamental to reclaiming one’s life.

6. Inspiring Hope and Reducing Stigma

Tanya’s willingness to share her story publicly contributes significantly to reducing the stigma associated with addiction and recovery. By “recovering out loud and proud,” she helps to illuminate the commonalities in human struggles and foster a more compassionate understanding of addiction.

“I think the stigma is reducing. We still have a long ways to go, but I think the more that we recover out loud and proud and talk about, you know, our struggles and bring more stuff into the light and out of the darkness, um, the more healed communities that we do have, because we will see that we have many more similarities than we do differences.”

Her journey exemplifies that recovery is not just about abstaining from substances but about profound personal transformation and building a life of meaning and purpose. By sharing these stories, individuals like Tanya offer a beacon of hope, demonstrating that even from the darkest places, a remarkable life is possible.

Finding Your Path to Recovery

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, remember that hope is within reach.

Recovery.com: Offers a comprehensive directory of treatment centers and resources.

Recovery is a deeply personal journey, but you don’t have to walk it alone. As Tanya’s story powerfully illustrates, with resilience, support, and a commitment to healing, a life of profound joy and self-love is not just a dream, but a tangible reality.

What step will you take today to begin or continue your journey towards recovery and a more fulfilling life?

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Maternal Mental Health: 9 Insights Into Depression During and After Pregnancy

This article summarizes a deeply personal and revealing conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In this episode, guest Isabelle courageously shares her lived experience with depression during and after pregnancy—a topic that is still surrounded by silence and stigma. Through her story, listeners gain insight into a lesser-known diagnosis, antepartum depression, and the raw realities of navigating mental health through motherhood.

1. Antepartum Depression Is Real — Even If It’s Rarely Talked About

Most people have heard of postpartum depression, but far fewer are familiar with antepartum depression, which occurs during pregnancy. Isabelle was shocked by her own experience of severe depression while carrying a child she very much wanted.

As Isabelle explained:

To say that you’re depressed when you’re pregnant, I mean, people just do not understand that. I wanted to be pregnant—then I just wanted to die.

The assumption that pregnancy always equals joy can isolate those struggling. But between 14-23% of women experience depressive symptoms during pregnancy, according to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.

Key takeaway: We need to broaden the maternal mental health conversation beyond the postpartum period.

2. The Stigma Can Be Worse During Pregnancy

Depression during pregnancy often feels more taboo than other depressive episodes. Isabelle found that even though people were more accepting when she was depressed in college, being a visibly pregnant woman meant the expectation was constant joy.

As Isabelle shared:

There was more stigma to that than there had been at any other point when I was ever depressed.

Even with a supportive partner and a planned pregnancy, depression can take hold—and that doesn’t make someone a bad mother.

Let’s normalize: Asking pregnant people how they really feel, not just how excited they are. Simply asking, “How are you doing emotionally?” can open up a space for vulnerability and truth.

3. The Birth Experience Itself Can Be Emotionally Shocking

Isabelle had envisioned a “crunchy,” spiritual birth with yoga, midwives, and natural supplements. But the intensity of childbirth left her emotionally devastated, not enlightened.

As Isabelle revealed:

Nobody told me that the spiritual experience part comes because you believe you’re going to die.

The jarring contrast between expectation and reality can lead to trauma, especially when women are not prepared for the extreme physical and emotional intensity of labor.

Expectations vs. Reality: Honest conversations about childbirth might reduce the emotional whiplash that some new parents experience. Anticipating pain, fear, and chaos as normal possibilities during birth can help parents feel less isolated if their experience doesn’t match the serene picture books.

4. Sleep Deprivation Can Trigger or Exacerbate Postpartum Depression

Isabelle experienced postpartum depression after the birth of her son, brought on largely by disrupted sleep. Her story highlights how physiological factors like sleep can dramatically worsen mental health.

As Isabelle noted:

That really messed me up.

Sleep deprivation has profound cognitive and emotional consequences. Lack of rest impairs executive function, decision-making, and emotional regulation. For new parents—especially those already managing mental illness—this can tip the balance from coping to crisis.

Helpful tips:

  • Prioritize sleep support when preparing for postpartum recovery
  • Accept help, even when it feels hard
  • Create a realistic plan with your partner or support system
  • Consider hiring overnight doulas or rotating sleep shifts when possible

5. Depression During Pregnancy Can Feel Hormonal, Not Situational

During her second pregnancy, Isabelle felt a shift almost immediately after conception. There was no external trigger—just a wave of intense, unexplainable sadness and rage.

As Isabelle described:

It was like hormonally, some kind of switch was flipped. It was like that all the time through the entire pregnancy.

This experience suggests that maternal depression is often driven by biochemical changes, not just environmental stressors. It can be especially confusing and guilt-inducing when everything “looks fine” from the outside—stable job, supportive spouse, planned pregnancy.

Important reminder: Just because you can’t explain your feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t real. Hormonal fluctuations affect mood, cognition, and even one’s sense of identity.

6. Depression Doesn’t Always Disappear—But It Can Be Managed

Isabelle has lived with recurring depression for over five years, but she’s found ways to keep it from overtaking her life. She compares it to managing diabetes: it requires ongoing effort and attention.

As Isabelle explained:

Sometimes I’ve got it very much managed… if you’re eating well and you’re exercising and maybe you’re taking your medicine every day, you can keep it in the space you want to keep it in.

Managing mental illness is often about consistency, self-awareness, and sustainable routines. It isn’t a one-time fix, but a daily practice.

Her tools include:

  • Therapy (as needed)
  • Affordable daycare while she exercises
  • Honest conversations with friends
  • Mindfulness and acceptance practices

These strategies may not eliminate depression—but they can reduce its grip.

7. External Circumstances Matter—But Depression Adds Its Own Weight

Isabelle reminds listeners that while life stressors are real, depression distorts them. Learning to hold both realities at once can be empowering.

As Isabelle put it:

You’re depressed. And so, also it feels worse than it is.

This dual awareness—the “yes, and”—helps people navigate their emotions with more self-compassion. Yes, your relationship may be hard. Yes, parenting is overwhelming. And your depression may be amplifying the negativity.

Mental reframing strategies:

  • Acknowledge legitimate stressors
  • Name the depressive distortion
  • Ask for outside perspectives
  • Practice gratitude without denying difficulty

8. Perspective Is a Lifeline in Dark Moments

Even now, Isabelle has days where she feels hopeless. But she has learned how to label those days and wait them out. That skill has saved her more times than she can count.

As Isabelle explained:

You’re having one of those days. It’s not actually real. Like it’s my reality today, but tomorrow I might feel differently.

Bridget, one of the hosts, offers a helpful strategy:

As Bridget shared:

I should write down when I’m in a good space, like a letter to myself to reframe myself and anchor myself in the reality that this is temporary, even though it feels permanent.

Developing tools to preserve perspective is critical for anyone living with recurring depression. That could include:

  • Journaling positive moments
  • Recording voice memos to your future self
  • Keeping a list of reasons to hope
  • Saving texts or photos that remind you of brighter days

Write a letter to yourself during good times to reread when depression clouds your mind.

9. Sitting With Depression Can Be More Healing Than Fighting It

In perhaps the most profound part of her interview, Isabelle describes how accepting her depression—rather than constantly trying to fix it—has helped her feel more stable.

As Isabelle reflected:

Just being in it when you’re in it and trusting that… you’re not going to be there forever.

This concept, often echoed in mindfulness practices, is about surrendering to the wave rather than being dragged under by it. Instead of resisting the pain, you allow it to pass through.

This approach fosters:

  • Self-compassion
  • Patience with the healing process
  • Reduced shame about feeling low

It can feel counterintuitive, but letting yourself “just feel it” may reduce the suffering caused by trying to suppress or escape it.

Final Thoughts: Embracing the Full Emotional Spectrum of Motherhood

Isabelle’s story offers a much-needed mirror to countless women who feel alone in their struggle with maternal depression. Her raw honesty opens the door to more compassionate and realistic conversations around pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and identity in motherhood.

As Terry eloquently put it:

You can love your baby and you can be freaked out by it. You can love your life and you could be depressed as hell some days.

The idea that emotions must be linear or predictable is unrealistic, especially during times of such immense hormonal and life change. And yet, too many women are left feeling broken or ashamed when their experience doesn’t match the picture-perfect narrative.

As Bridget observed:

They’re actually like putting words to it in a way that is a different play on giving voice to depression that I so appreciate and value.

By giving voice to these nuanced truths, Isabelle reminds us that recovery doesn’t always mean eliminating depression. Sometimes, it means accepting it, preparing for its return, and surrounding ourselves with reminders that we are not alone.

As Isabelle said:

If we could embrace the full spectrum of our human emotions and we could just be okay with sitting in it when we’re depressed, that the depression passes faster.

Motherhood isn’t one feeling. It’s a storm of them. And there’s room for all of it.

And perhaps most important of all, there’s permission to talk about it. Because by sharing what is hard and what hurts, we not only lighten our load—we extend a lifeline to someone else quietly carrying the same weight.

Key Takeaways

  • Antepartum depression is under-recognized, but it affects many pregnant people and deserves more awareness.
  • Stigma intensifies during pregnancy, because society expects joy—leaving less room for emotional complexity.
  • Postpartum sleep deprivation is a major, often underestimated trigger for mental health decline.
  • Hormonal shifts can provoke intense emotional reactions that are not situational or logical.
  • Managing depression is a lifelong practice, and support systems like therapy, friends, and exercise can help keep symptoms at bay.
  • Depression can distort reality, making everything feel heavier than it is—awareness of this distortion is powerful.
  • Perspective is a tool, and strategies like writing letters to your future self can help you get through hard days.
  • Acceptance often heals more than resistance, and learning to sit with difficult emotions may help them pass more quickly.
  • Voicing our struggles helps others feel less alone—and may be the most healing act of all.