Category: Podcasts

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Maternal Mental Health: 9 Insights Into Depression During and After Pregnancy

This article summarizes a deeply personal and revealing conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In this episode, guest Isabelle courageously shares her lived experience with depression during and after pregnancy—a topic that is still surrounded by silence and stigma. Through her story, listeners gain insight into a lesser-known diagnosis, antepartum depression, and the raw realities of navigating mental health through motherhood.

1. Antepartum Depression Is Real — Even If It’s Rarely Talked About

Most people have heard of postpartum depression, but far fewer are familiar with antepartum depression, which occurs during pregnancy. Isabelle was shocked by her own experience of severe depression while carrying a child she very much wanted.

As Isabelle explained:

To say that you’re depressed when you’re pregnant, I mean, people just do not understand that. I wanted to be pregnant—then I just wanted to die.

The assumption that pregnancy always equals joy can isolate those struggling. But between 14-23% of women experience depressive symptoms during pregnancy, according to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.

Key takeaway: We need to broaden the maternal mental health conversation beyond the postpartum period.

2. The Stigma Can Be Worse During Pregnancy

Depression during pregnancy often feels more taboo than other depressive episodes. Isabelle found that even though people were more accepting when she was depressed in college, being a visibly pregnant woman meant the expectation was constant joy.

As Isabelle shared:

There was more stigma to that than there had been at any other point when I was ever depressed.

Even with a supportive partner and a planned pregnancy, depression can take hold—and that doesn’t make someone a bad mother.

Let’s normalize: Asking pregnant people how they really feel, not just how excited they are. Simply asking, “How are you doing emotionally?” can open up a space for vulnerability and truth.

3. The Birth Experience Itself Can Be Emotionally Shocking

Isabelle had envisioned a “crunchy,” spiritual birth with yoga, midwives, and natural supplements. But the intensity of childbirth left her emotionally devastated, not enlightened.

As Isabelle revealed:

Nobody told me that the spiritual experience part comes because you believe you’re going to die.

The jarring contrast between expectation and reality can lead to trauma, especially when women are not prepared for the extreme physical and emotional intensity of labor.

Expectations vs. Reality: Honest conversations about childbirth might reduce the emotional whiplash that some new parents experience. Anticipating pain, fear, and chaos as normal possibilities during birth can help parents feel less isolated if their experience doesn’t match the serene picture books.

4. Sleep Deprivation Can Trigger or Exacerbate Postpartum Depression

Isabelle experienced postpartum depression after the birth of her son, brought on largely by disrupted sleep. Her story highlights how physiological factors like sleep can dramatically worsen mental health.

As Isabelle noted:

That really messed me up.

Sleep deprivation has profound cognitive and emotional consequences. Lack of rest impairs executive function, decision-making, and emotional regulation. For new parents—especially those already managing mental illness—this can tip the balance from coping to crisis.

Helpful tips:

  • Prioritize sleep support when preparing for postpartum recovery
  • Accept help, even when it feels hard
  • Create a realistic plan with your partner or support system
  • Consider hiring overnight doulas or rotating sleep shifts when possible

5. Depression During Pregnancy Can Feel Hormonal, Not Situational

During her second pregnancy, Isabelle felt a shift almost immediately after conception. There was no external trigger—just a wave of intense, unexplainable sadness and rage.

As Isabelle described:

It was like hormonally, some kind of switch was flipped. It was like that all the time through the entire pregnancy.

This experience suggests that maternal depression is often driven by biochemical changes, not just environmental stressors. It can be especially confusing and guilt-inducing when everything “looks fine” from the outside—stable job, supportive spouse, planned pregnancy.

Important reminder: Just because you can’t explain your feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t real. Hormonal fluctuations affect mood, cognition, and even one’s sense of identity.

6. Depression Doesn’t Always Disappear—But It Can Be Managed

Isabelle has lived with recurring depression for over five years, but she’s found ways to keep it from overtaking her life. She compares it to managing diabetes: it requires ongoing effort and attention.

As Isabelle explained:

Sometimes I’ve got it very much managed… if you’re eating well and you’re exercising and maybe you’re taking your medicine every day, you can keep it in the space you want to keep it in.

Managing mental illness is often about consistency, self-awareness, and sustainable routines. It isn’t a one-time fix, but a daily practice.

Her tools include:

  • Therapy (as needed)
  • Affordable daycare while she exercises
  • Honest conversations with friends
  • Mindfulness and acceptance practices

These strategies may not eliminate depression—but they can reduce its grip.

7. External Circumstances Matter—But Depression Adds Its Own Weight

Isabelle reminds listeners that while life stressors are real, depression distorts them. Learning to hold both realities at once can be empowering.

As Isabelle put it:

You’re depressed. And so, also it feels worse than it is.

This dual awareness—the “yes, and”—helps people navigate their emotions with more self-compassion. Yes, your relationship may be hard. Yes, parenting is overwhelming. And your depression may be amplifying the negativity.

Mental reframing strategies:

  • Acknowledge legitimate stressors
  • Name the depressive distortion
  • Ask for outside perspectives
  • Practice gratitude without denying difficulty

8. Perspective Is a Lifeline in Dark Moments

Even now, Isabelle has days where she feels hopeless. But she has learned how to label those days and wait them out. That skill has saved her more times than she can count.

As Isabelle explained:

You’re having one of those days. It’s not actually real. Like it’s my reality today, but tomorrow I might feel differently.

Bridget, one of the hosts, offers a helpful strategy:

As Bridget shared:

I should write down when I’m in a good space, like a letter to myself to reframe myself and anchor myself in the reality that this is temporary, even though it feels permanent.

Developing tools to preserve perspective is critical for anyone living with recurring depression. That could include:

  • Journaling positive moments
  • Recording voice memos to your future self
  • Keeping a list of reasons to hope
  • Saving texts or photos that remind you of brighter days

Write a letter to yourself during good times to reread when depression clouds your mind.

9. Sitting With Depression Can Be More Healing Than Fighting It

In perhaps the most profound part of her interview, Isabelle describes how accepting her depression—rather than constantly trying to fix it—has helped her feel more stable.

As Isabelle reflected:

Just being in it when you’re in it and trusting that… you’re not going to be there forever.

This concept, often echoed in mindfulness practices, is about surrendering to the wave rather than being dragged under by it. Instead of resisting the pain, you allow it to pass through.

This approach fosters:

  • Self-compassion
  • Patience with the healing process
  • Reduced shame about feeling low

It can feel counterintuitive, but letting yourself “just feel it” may reduce the suffering caused by trying to suppress or escape it.

Final Thoughts: Embracing the Full Emotional Spectrum of Motherhood

Isabelle’s story offers a much-needed mirror to countless women who feel alone in their struggle with maternal depression. Her raw honesty opens the door to more compassionate and realistic conversations around pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and identity in motherhood.

As Terry eloquently put it:

You can love your baby and you can be freaked out by it. You can love your life and you could be depressed as hell some days.

The idea that emotions must be linear or predictable is unrealistic, especially during times of such immense hormonal and life change. And yet, too many women are left feeling broken or ashamed when their experience doesn’t match the picture-perfect narrative.

As Bridget observed:

They’re actually like putting words to it in a way that is a different play on giving voice to depression that I so appreciate and value.

By giving voice to these nuanced truths, Isabelle reminds us that recovery doesn’t always mean eliminating depression. Sometimes, it means accepting it, preparing for its return, and surrounding ourselves with reminders that we are not alone.

As Isabelle said:

If we could embrace the full spectrum of our human emotions and we could just be okay with sitting in it when we’re depressed, that the depression passes faster.

Motherhood isn’t one feeling. It’s a storm of them. And there’s room for all of it.

And perhaps most important of all, there’s permission to talk about it. Because by sharing what is hard and what hurts, we not only lighten our load—we extend a lifeline to someone else quietly carrying the same weight.

Key Takeaways

  • Antepartum depression is under-recognized, but it affects many pregnant people and deserves more awareness.
  • Stigma intensifies during pregnancy, because society expects joy—leaving less room for emotional complexity.
  • Postpartum sleep deprivation is a major, often underestimated trigger for mental health decline.
  • Hormonal shifts can provoke intense emotional reactions that are not situational or logical.
  • Managing depression is a lifelong practice, and support systems like therapy, friends, and exercise can help keep symptoms at bay.
  • Depression can distort reality, making everything feel heavier than it is—awareness of this distortion is powerful.
  • Perspective is a tool, and strategies like writing letters to your future self can help you get through hard days.
  • Acceptance often heals more than resistance, and learning to sit with difficult emotions may help them pass more quickly.
  • Voicing our struggles helps others feel less alone—and may be the most healing act of all.
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Beyond the Game: How Montee Ball Found Purpose in Recovery After the Roar of the Crowd

The intoxicating roar of a stadium, the adrenaline of competition, the unwavering devotion of fans — for many athletes, this is the pinnacle of existence. Yet, what happens when the cheers fade, the spotlight dims, and a different kind of silence sets in? For Montee Ball, a former NFL running back and Wisconsin Badger legend, the transition from gridiron glory to everyday life brought with it unexpected challenges, particularly a burgeoning struggle with alcohol. His story offers a powerful glimpse into the psychological and emotional landscape of athletes grappling with identity, purpose, and the unforeseen chemical dependencies that can emerge when the high of the game is no longer a constant.

“When you have 80, 90,000 people screaming your name and that high that you get,” Ball reflects, “that’s not gonna be forever.” This profound truth underscores a critical, often overlooked aspect of athletic careers: the intense dopamine rush and the unique chemical dependencies that can develop from sustained high-performance environments. When these external sources of validation and excitement are removed, individuals may find themselves adrift, seeking familiar highs in unhealthy ways. For Ball, this void was filled by alcohol, which he initially believed would “help me loosen up, something that would help me to get that high again.”

Understanding the Athlete’s High: Dopamine and the Desire for More

The life of a high-level athlete is characterized by intense physical exertion, rigorous training, and moments of profound triumph. These experiences trigger significant releases of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, motivation, and reward. For athletes like Montee Ball, the constant pursuit of victory and the adulation of thousands of fans create a unique neurological landscape. The brain becomes accustomed to these heightened levels of dopamine, and when the external stimuli (the game, the crowd) are removed, a chemical void can emerge.

This isn’t merely about missing the thrill; it’s a physiological adjustment. The brain, seeking to restore its accustomed levels of dopamine, may drive individuals towards other sources of intense pleasure, whether that be substance use, gambling, or other high-risk behaviors. As Ball eloquently puts it, “How are you going to manage these chemical dependencies that are gonna come about, of course, right? With this release of dopamine, these happy hormones, like how are you going to manage that as well? Because that’s not gonna be forever.” This highlights a critical need for proactive preparation and education for athletes, recognizing that their brains are being conditioned in unique ways by their profession.

The Influence of Culture: When Partying Becomes the Norm

Montee Ball’s collegiate experience at the University of Wisconsin-Madison vividly illustrates how environmental factors can contribute to the development of substance use issues. Madison, known for its vibrant football culture and enthusiastic tailgating, presented a stark “cultural shock” for Ball, who hailed from a smaller town in Missouri. The pervasive drinking culture, where early morning celebrations extend late into the night, created an environment where excessive alcohol consumption was not just tolerated but often celebrated.

“Football is really gassed up around here… we really enjoy like football, tailgates, UW Badgers, but like we also kind of reward the, like, starting drinking at like 8:00 AM and going until 3:00 AM,” notes the Recoverycast co-host. This normalization of heavy drinking, coupled with the pedestalized status of athletes, can create a dangerous illusion. When an athlete is viewed as a “poster child” and given preferential treatment, it can be incredibly difficult to recognize and address a developing problem. The constant adulation and access to social settings where drinking is central can obscure the line between recreational use and dependency. This environment, while seemingly celebratory, can inadvertently foster unhealthy coping mechanisms.

The Weight of Expectations: Societal, Familial, and Personal Pressures

Beyond the cultural backdrop, athletes often face immense pressure from various sources. Societal expectations demand peak performance and an idealized public image. Familial pressures can involve upholding a legacy or providing financial support. For Montee Ball, being a “poster child for a wonderful football club” meant constantly striving for perfection, both on and off the field. These pressures, combined with the physical toll of the sport, can create a breeding ground for depression and anxiety.

Ball admits, “I was not prepared for these pressures that were coming along. And of course, alcohol was there for my cure as I believed.” This underscores a common pattern: when individuals lack healthy coping mechanisms for stress and emotional distress, they may turn to substances as a perceived solution. Alcohol, in this context, becomes a temporary escape from the weight of expectations, offering a fleeting sense of relief or emotional numbness. This reliance, however, only serves to deepen the underlying issues.

The Stigma of Silence: Why Athletes Don’t Ask for Help

One of the most significant barriers to recovery for athletes is the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health and substance use. The “macho” culture often prevalent in sports discourages vulnerability and the expression of emotions. Athletes are conditioned to project an image of strength, resilience, and invincibility. Admitting to a struggle, whether with mental health or addiction, can feel like a sign of weakness, potentially jeopardizing their career, reputation, or standing within their team.

Ball describes his internal struggle when a coach and teammate asked if he was struggling: “I do wish that I, you know, felt empowered to say that I’m struggling, that I need help, that I, I would love a little bit of advice.” The fear of being perceived as less capable or of losing one’s position on the team can lead to silence and denial. This stigma, as Ball notes, is “still quite the monster that’s keeping a lot of people silent… keeping the snowball going.” The perception that showing weakness will lead to negative consequences often outweighs the desperate need for support. This is particularly true for athletes, where their livelihood and identity are so intertwined with their physical and mental fortitude.

The Illusion of Connection: Feeling Alone in a Crowd

Despite being surrounded by thousands of cheering fans and a constant entourage of teammates and friends, athletes can experience profound feelings of isolation and loneliness. This paradox is a common theme in the stories of those grappling with mental health challenges and addiction. Montee Ball vividly articulates this feeling: “I can guarantee you that Chris [Farley’s brother] probably shared with you that there are many moments in his life where he had multiple bodies around him that knew him and that were calling him a friend, but he had no idea who they truly were.”

The superficiality of these relationships, often transactional and dependent on the athlete’s performance or status, leaves a deep emotional void. The constant need to “put on this act” and maintain a public persona can prevent genuine connection and vulnerability. The co-host shares a similar experience: “There is nothing scarier than being surrounded by people and feeling like you wanna cry because you’re, I’ve never felt so alone right now.” This intense emotional pain drives individuals to seek solace in external sources, often exacerbating the problem.

The Generational Gap: Learning to Open the Door to Emotions

Montee Ball’s upbringing in a “very wonderful household” with “very stoic” parents highlights a generational pattern in emotional expression. Many individuals, particularly men, grow up in environments where talking about feelings is not actively encouraged or modeled. Ball describes this experience: “No one locked the door, but nobody showed me how to open it. Or told me that it there was an option to open this door.” This lack of emotional literacy can lead to internalization of struggles, making it difficult to process complex emotions and seek help.

This “father playbook,” as one host describes it, often passes down a stoic approach to life that may no longer be applicable in modern society. When individuals are not equipped with the tools to navigate their emotional landscape, they become susceptible to self-sabotage and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Breaking this generational cycle requires conscious effort to create spaces for vulnerability and to teach emotional intelligence.

Hitting Rock Bottom: The Catalyst for Change

For many, the journey to recovery begins with a profound low point, a moment of reckoning that forces a re-evaluation of one’s life. For Montee Ball, this came in February 2016, when he landed in jail after a period of heavy intoxication and unkind behavior towards those around him. The irony of watching the Broncos win the Super Bowl from a jail cell, just months after being released by the team, served as a painful yet powerful catalyst.

“There was so much built up anger,” Ball recalls, reflecting on the experience. While undoubtedly a difficult period, he acknowledges it was “one that I needed for sure.” This moment of profound loss and humiliation forced him to confront the consequences of his actions and the depth of his addiction. It stripped away the last vestiges of his old identity and opened the door to a new path.

The Power of New Beginnings: Fatherhood as a Turning Point

While rock bottom can be a powerful motivator, the sustained commitment to recovery often stems from a deeper sense of purpose. For Montee Ball, the unexpected news of his son’s impending birth, just two weeks after his release from jail, served as a profound turning point. “When he was born, of course it was a, I will never touch this bottle again… He will never experience or ever see a drunk dad.”

This powerful resolve, fueled by the desire to be a present and healthy father, provided a compelling reason to embrace the arduous journey of recovery. While the initial spark came from his son, Ball emphasizes a crucial truth of recovery: “You have to do it for yourself first. You deserve it first more than anyone.” This highlights the dual nature of motivation in recovery: external motivators can initiate the process, but sustained recovery requires an internal commitment to self-worth and healing.

The Work of Recovery: Therapy, Meditation, and Self-Reflection

Recovery is not a passive process; it demands consistent effort and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. Montee Ball fully embraced this commitment, opting for intensive outpatient treatments and individual therapy, accumulating “over a hundred plus hours of therapy.” His journey of self-discovery led him to invaluable tools for managing his impulses and finding inner peace.

One of the key takeaways for Ball was the practice of meditation, not in the stereotypical sense, but as a deliberate act of creating “a space for yourself… to self-reflect.” For someone who described himself as “such an impulsive human being prior to even drinking,” learning to “widen that space before you respond” was transformative. This practice of pausing, reflecting, and choosing a thoughtful response rather than reacting impulsively is a cornerstone of emotional regulation and personal growth.

Therapy, for Ball, was not solely about addressing alcohol use; it was about confronting underlying issues, particularly his “relationship with yourself.” This often overlooked aspect of healing is crucial. While substance use disorder may manifest with outward symptoms, the deeper work involves addressing the emotional and psychological roots of the problem. As one host notes, “You can heal the body from substance use disorder, but to heal the soul… from with the mental health of it, that’s a different animal altogether.”

Breaking Down Barriers: The Need for Diverse Therapists

Montee Ball’s experience highlights a critical disparity in mental healthcare: the lack of black and brown therapists. When he sought professional help, he initially looked for a therapist he could “somewhat relate to on… the cultural aspect” but struggled to find one. This underscores the importance of cultural competence in therapy. Individuals from marginalized communities may face additional hurdles in seeking help due to historical mistrust, cultural norms, and a lack of therapists who understand their unique experiences.

“We need more black therapists, black and brown therapists,” Ball asserts. This call for increased diversity in the mental health profession is vital to ensuring that individuals from all backgrounds feel comfortable and understood when seeking support. When therapists share similar lived experiences, it can foster a deeper sense of trust and facilitate more effective healing.

Redefining Identity and Finding Purpose Beyond the Game

Montee Ball’s journey is a powerful testament to the possibility of redefining identity and finding purpose beyond a singular, celebrated role. His willingness to speak openly about his struggles with alcoholism and mental health, transforming his platform into a force for good, demonstrates a profound shift in priorities. He now travels the country speaking to students, athletes, and communities, advocating for vulnerability, seeking help, and choosing a new path.

This transition from athlete to advocate is not merely a career change; it’s a redefinition of self. The “inner reflection” and “peace” found through therapy and self-work enabled him to “give up one identity to get to the next place.” This new identity is rooted in authenticity, service, and a deeper understanding of self. It exemplifies the transformative power of recovery and the potential for individuals to leverage their past experiences to inspire and uplift others.

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Carrying Emotional Weight: 15 Ways Childhood Trauma Impacts Mental Health

This article is a summary of a conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In Episode 360, titled “Carrying What We Can’t Name: How Unspoken Pain Becomes a Lifelong Burden,” guest Trina Kennedy shares her powerful story of childhood emotional neglect, trauma, and depression—and how she began healing by learning to name, feel, and share the pain she carried for decades. Through deeply personal reflections and clinical insight, Trina explains how unvalidated distress can become an invisible load we carry for life.

Here are 11+ takeaways from the conversation that explore what trauma is, how it shapes us, and how healing begins when we learn to lay down our burdens.

1. Trauma Isn’t Just What Happens to Us—It’s What Happens Inside Us

In modern discourse, the word “trauma” is often used loosely, but Trina emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between trauma and stress.

As Trina explained:

Yes, it’s becoming overused and watered down, but we also have to be respectful and mindful that it isn’t us who gets to decide what’s traumatic for someone because we weren’t in their experience, right?

She also referenced the work of Dr. Gabor Maté:

Trauma is what happens inside of us because of what happens to us. So we have to also really be careful that there’s no measuring stick. We can’t go up and go, oh, you know, this is trauma, that’s not trauma, right?

2. What Looks Fine on the Outside Might Be Devastating on the Inside

Trina grew up in what appeared to be a stable, loving home. But appearances are deceiving. Emotional neglect—especially during moments of distress—can silently wound a child.

As Trina described:

My parents did the best they could with the tools that they had, but they couldn’t give me what they never received. And so I experienced relational trauma, particularly with my dad.

Her father worked hard and provided for the family, but the emotional connection Trina needed was absent.

3. Unspoken Pain Becomes Heavy Rocks We Carry

Trina introduces the metaphor of “rocks in a backpack” to describe unprocessed emotional pain.

As she put it:

We have to name that feeling, we have to feel it, and then we have to share it. So name it to tame it, feel it to heal it, and share it to bear it.

Without doing so, those unprocessed emotions become emotional weight we carry indefinitely.

When we don’t do that, we have to carry that rock with us and we put it in our backpack and that backpack doesn’t come off.

4. Children Need Help Completing the “Distress Loop”

Trina gives a heartbreaking example of how her emotional sensitivity was dismissed as a child:

I remember still crying in my bedroom. So my distress system was activated. And my dad walked by and said, “What are you crying about?” you know, in his gruff voice.

She described what might have helped in that moment:

Had he come in and hugged me and said, you know what, you’re such a good friend to feel that way for Carrie… What do you need? What can I do for you? I would have been able to put that rock down.

5. Suppression Becomes Survival, but at a Cost

As a child, Trina learned to suppress her feelings for survival.

She reflected:

I very quickly armored up because that’s what you do to survive. And that armor became suppressing what I was feeling, suppressing who I thought I was.

That armor protected her temporarily but prevented emotional development.

6. Depression Often Begins with Accumulated Emotional Neglect

Trina experienced depression and anxiety from a young age.

She explained:

By 14, high anxiety and high depression. And it was about two years before I turned 16 where I started to have suicidal thoughts because… that backpack was heavy.

Without skills, support, or safe relationships, her emotional pain escalated.

7. Connection Can Be Life-Saving

Trina’s turning point came when her mom found her a psychologist.

As she gratefully recalled:

She changed my life. She was the first person that made me feel seen, heard, understood, and empowered… She just held safe space for the first time where I could start to pull those rocks out, feel them, name them, share them, and put them down.

8. Healing Is a Lifelong—but Worthwhile—Process

Trina has continued her healing journey well into adulthood.

She shared:

I’m 52 this year and I’m still on my healing journey. So… between today and that day that I met Joan, it’s been messy.

Despite the messiness, she also acknowledged the beauty of healing:

It’s been a messy transition, but also beautiful in so many ways.

9. Post-Traumatic Growth Is Possible—But Not Guaranteed

Trina highlighted that while resilience is important, growth after trauma is another level.

She said:

Post-trauma growth… that’s the ability to kind of reflect and go, this was my learning. This was my growth in those experiences. I’m actually a better person for those.

That healing led her to help others as a social worker, writer, and advocate.

10. Healing Doesn’t Happen Alone

Trina emphasized the importance of reaching out:

Healing is possible, but it’s not possible alone. We have to heal in connection to something bigger than ourselves, something outside of ourselves.

She encouraged listeners to take a chance and ask for help:

Please, please, please reach out. Take that risk. Reach out.

11. Adults Must Admit When They Don’t Have the Tools

Terry and Carly reflected on parenting and the need to recognize personal limitations.

As Terry eloquently put it:

You were my first child and, you know, I hadn’t done it before… So I think that I was, I was grateful to have that option to say, I’m going to connect you with your school counselor.

Carly added an important insight:

The powerful move being, the strong move being, the healthy adult move being to be like, honey, I don’t know. Let’s figure it out.

12. Pain That Isn’t Validated Becomes Physical

Children often express emotional pain through their bodies.

As Carly explained:

We call it somatization, which is basically that brain thoughts that hurt, they turn into body hurts.

She referenced the artist Karuk and how their song captures the link between emotional distress and physical symptoms:

Their mom didn’t know how to speak with them about what they were feeling, but did know how to give Pepto-Bismol to treat the stomach symptoms.

13. Even Failed Attempts at Support Matter

Trying to help, even imperfectly, can still be meaningful.

As Carly pointed out:

Kids are checking for that attempt. Are you even trying to help me?

Even if the support isn’t perfect, the act of showing up can be powerful.

14. A Child’s Pain Needs More Than One Caring Adult

Carly emphasized the importance of a support network:

In terms of childhood trauma, they say that it’s two or more consistent caring adults that are actually able to buffer the impact of childhood trauma.

That safety net can dramatically reduce the long-term impact of distress.

15. We Must Normalize Mental Health Support

Terry made a key point about destigmatizing therapy:

If something’s wrong with your teeth, I’ll bring it to a tooth doctor. If something’s up with your feelings, I’m going to bring you to a feeling doctor.

Normalizing mental health care helps children understand that support is always an option.

Final Thoughts: Let’s Teach Children to Put the Rocks Down

Trina’s story is one of unacknowledged pain, emotional suppression, and eventual healing through connection and safe spaces. It challenges the belief that we must endure our pain alone and invites us to become more aware of how we respond to the suffering of others—especially children. Her reflections remind us that healing doesn’t happen in isolation and that seemingly small moments of connection can change the trajectory of a person’s life.

Her insights serve as a reminder to all of us:

  • Emotional pain needs validation
  • Trauma isn’t weakness—it’s a natural response to unmet needs
  • Children and adults alike need people who can simply listen without judgment

We cannot always prevent pain, but we can help each other carry it. Healing doesn’t require fixing someone; it begins by offering presence, empathy, and safety. As Trina modeled, it starts with creating spaces where others can feel seen, heard, and understood.

For anyone struggling to carry what they cannot name: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. And you are not alone.

Key Takeaways

  • Trauma is subjective: It’s not about what happened—it’s about how it felt, and how it shaped you.
  • Validation matters: Being heard and believed is a cornerstone of healing.
  • Safe relationships heal: Finding someone who can sit with your pain is more powerful than advice or solutions.
  • Children need co-regulation: Adults must help children navigate emotions they can’t process alone.
  • Suppression creates long-term harm: Emotional avoidance in childhood can become depression in adulthood.
  • Support doesn’t need to be perfect: Effort, presence, and honesty go a long way.
  • Healing is non-linear: There is no quick fix. But with support, growth is possible.
  • Mental health care should be normalized: Therapy is a tool, not a sign of failure.
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Johnny’s Journey: 12 Insights on Healing from Suicidality and Rock Bottom

Growing up, Johnny experienced persistent anxiety, but early attempts at therapy didn’t resonate. Depression took hold in high school, escalating in college to a point of paralyzing hopelessness. His days became a blur of missed classes, work, and a desperate reliance on drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. Blackouts became frequent as he sought oblivion from the torment of simply existing. “I was really just not enjoying um, just being alive like every day was, was painful,” Johnny recalled. Self-hatred consumed him, leading to dark thoughts and even a suicide note.

Behind a carefully constructed facade of intoxication, Johnny hid his struggles. Friends remained unaware of the internal battle raging within. “Because I would use all the substances to pretend like everything was okay,” he explained. His escapes involved alcohol, cocaine, and occasionally other substances, each night a fleeting attempt to find a “fun,” pain-free experience, only to be followed by the harsh realities of memory loss and regret. The transition from casual use to a desperate need for escape was subtle but significant. “And I don’t think there’s any like healthy way to do drugs, but I definitely like, I guess the mindset changed from…oh, let’s party kind of way to let me just like escape for a little bit. I need to do this,” Johnny realized.

The turning point came during a night of intense despair in his fraternity house. Confessing his suicidal thoughts to his parents over the phone prompted their immediate intervention. Their worry and subsequent arrival became the catalyst for change, overriding the bleak thought that his absence wouldn’t matter. “I had come to a point where I was thinking like  everybody in my life would be able to get over me killing myself, I guess. but I was just struggling with feeling like my mom couldn’t get over it. And then seeing her the next day kind of like cemented that, you know, I would not wanna leave her like broken like that.” His initial approach to seeking help was a last resort, a fragile hope in the darkness. “I gave recovery a shot. If I can fix my IBS and fix my depression and suicidality, then great. And if not, I can just take my life afterwards.”

Navigating the vastness of the internet in search of help for mental health and substance use felt like an insurmountable task for Johnny. The sheer volume of information was paralyzing, making it difficult to know where to begin. However, discovering Recovery.com provided a much-needed sense of clarity and direction. This platform offered a structured approach to finding treatment options, categorizing facilities and providing comprehensive information, reviews, and resources in one accessible place. This streamlined process transformed the overwhelming search into a manageable step towards finding help.

2. The Importance of Comprehensive and Individualized Care

Johnny’s struggles extended beyond substance abuse, encompassing depression, anxiety, and even gambling issues. Therefore, finding a treatment center that offered a holistic approach was crucial. Recovery.com facilitated this by allowing him to identify facilities that addressed a range of co-occurring disorders. This ensured that he wouldn’t feel like an outlier and that his specific needs would be met, paving the way for more effective and meaningful treatment.

3. The Calming Influence of Shared Experiences

The fear of the unknown surrounding treatment was significant for Johnny. However, a conversation with someone who had previously attended the facility he was considering helped to alleviate some of his anxieties. Hearing firsthand about their experiences provided a sense of reassurance and demystified the process. This highlights the profound impact that sharing personal stories can have in offering hope and guidance to those contemplating seeking help.

4. Johnny’s Gradual Integration into a Supportive Community

Entering treatment felt like stepping into an unfamiliar world for Johnny. Adjusting to the structured environment and connecting with strangers took time. The initial days were marked by a sense of disorientation. However, the gradual integration into the recovery community proved to be a pivotal aspect of his healing journey. The shared experiences and mutual support fostered a sense of belonging and understanding that countered the isolation he had previously felt.

5. The Unexpected Bonds of Resident-Led Support

While the formal treatment program was essential, the informal support networks within the facility also played a significant role for Johnny. The resident-run AA group created a strong sense of camaraderie and provided an additional layer of support and understanding. This highlights the power of peer-to-peer connections in fostering a sense of community and shared recovery.

6. Breaking Free from the Grip of Isolation

Both depression and substance use thrive in isolation, reinforcing negative self-perceptions. Connecting with others in recovery who had experienced similar struggles shattered the illusion of being alone in his pain. Witnessing their vulnerability and resilience offered a powerful message of hope and the possibility of recovery for Johnny.

7. The Profound Impact of Empathy and Shared Humanity

Sharing space with individuals from diverse backgrounds and with different struggles fostered a deep sense of empathy and connection for Johnny. Hearing their stories and witnessing their strength in the face of adversity broadened his perspective and reinforced the understanding that despite our differences, we share a common human experience marked by both pain and the capacity for healing.

8. Shifting from Escape to Healthy Engagement

Johnny’s substance use had been a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way to escape emotional pain. As he addressed the underlying issues in therapy and developed healthier coping strategies, his relationship with substances shifted. The intense craving for escape diminished, allowing for a more balanced and conscious approach to social situations involving alcohol.

9. Addressing Root Causes for Lasting Healing

Treatment provided the crucial opportunity for Johnny to delve into past traumas and experiences that had contributed to his mental health struggles. By processing these experiences with the guidance of a therapist, he began to understand the origins of his pain and develop healthier ways of coping. This focus on addressing the root causes, rather than just the symptoms, is essential for long-term healing and well-being.

10. Cultivating Purpose as a Foundation for Recovery

Finding a sense of purpose and meaning in life became an integral part of Johnny’s recovery. Identifying activities, relationships, and passions that brought joy and fulfillment provided a positive focus and a reason to move forward. This emphasis on creating a life worth living is a vital component of sustained recovery.

11. The Importance of Aftercare Planning

Recognizing that recovery is an ongoing process, the treatment program emphasized the significance of aftercare planning for Johnny. Developing a concrete plan for therapy, support groups, and healthy lifestyle choices provided a sense of direction and helped to mitigate the anxiety of returning to everyday life. This proactive approach increases the likelihood of sustained recovery and continued growth.

12. Embracing a Holistic Path to Well-being

Ultimately, Johnny’s journey to recovery involved a holistic approach that addressed the interconnectedness of his mental health, substance use, and overall well-being. By addressing past traumas, developing coping skills, building a supportive community, and cultivating a sense of purpose, he began to move from a place of despair towards hope and healing. This comprehensive approach underscores the complexity of recovery and the importance of addressing all aspects of an individual’s life.

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Kristina Padilla’s Path to Owning Their Recovery Story

Kristina Padilla, an indigenous queer leader and fierce advocate for recovery, mental health, and the LGBTQIA2+ communities, shares their powerful journey on Recoverycast. Their story is one of resilience, identity, and ultimately, the freedom that comes from fully owning one’s narrative. This is a story of overcoming addiction, gang involvement, and abuse to find a path of leadership and helping others.

Early Exposure and the Search for Belonging

Kristina’s early life was marked by exposure to alcohol and a search for belonging that led them down a dangerous path. “All I know is he would come pick me up and in between his legs he’d have his Coors beer,” Kristina recalls, describing their father’s alcoholism. This early exposure, coupled with their parents’ busy work lives, left Kristina feeling bored and seeking connection elsewhere. “Nobody had any time for a little Kristina, and so little Kristina found belonging in gangs, found belonging in drugs.”

This search for belonging led to early experimentation with drugs. At 14, Kristina was introduced to cocaine and then crank, which quickly took hold. “It was there for me whenever I needed it,” they explain, highlighting the allure of drugs as a substitute for the connection they craved.

Gang Involvement and a Double Life

Kristina’s involvement with gangs started at a young age. This involvement wasn’t just about drugs; it was about finding a place to belong. “I was excited because not only was it being introduced to me, but it was like part of the gangs were introduced, and this was just like, wow, this is interesting,” Kristina says.

The gang life became a significant part of their identity, leading to a double life. While their family worked hard, Kristina was drawn to the streets, engaging in risky and dangerous behavior. This period was marked by a constant search for something that felt missing, a void that drugs and gang affiliation temporarily filled.

The Turning Points: Overdose and Abuse

Kristina’s journey to recovery wasn’t a straight line. It was marked by two significant turning points. The first was an overdose, a stark wake-up call that, while initially didn’t lead to immediate change, planted a seed. The second, and more decisive, turning point came from an abusive relationship. “She stabs me with a screwdriver,” Kristina recounts, describing the violence they endured. This moment of intense physical and emotional pain served as a catalyst for change.

A Mother’s Unwavering Support

Throughout Kristina’s struggles, their mother remained a constant source of support. Even during the darkest times, their mother’s love and determination to help shone through. After the violent incident, Kristina finally reached a breaking point. “I woke up the next day and I said, you know what, mom, if you take me right now, I’ll go. You gotta take me right now.” This plea marked a turning point, and their mother acted immediately.

This unconditional love played a crucial role in Kristina’s journey. Despite the pain and frustration, their mother never gave up hope, providing the support needed to finally seek help.

Entering Treatment and Facing the Past

Entering treatment was a daunting step. Still under the influence, Kristina faced the reality of their addiction and the long road to recovery. This highlights the challenges of early recovery, including the physical and emotional toll of detoxing.

Treatment provided a space for Kristina to confront their past, including the trauma of sexual abuse and the cycle of violence they had been trapped in. It was a time of immense vulnerability and a crucial step towards healing.

Finding Strength in Recovery

Recovery wasn’t just about abstaining from drugs; it was about reclaiming their life and finding a new identity. Kristina’s story is a testament to the transformative power of recovery. They went from leading a gang to becoming a leader in their community, using their experiences to help others.

Kristina’s journey highlights the importance of recognizing the potential for change in individuals who have been written off by society. They are now using their skills and experiences in a positive way, demonstrating that recovery is possible and that past mistakes don’t define a person’s future.

From Gang Leader to Community Leader

Kristina’s story is one of transformation. They channeled the leadership skills they developed in the gang into a force for good. “Basically, I was already a business development rep,” Kristina reflects, recognizing how their past experiences, even the negative ones, contributed to their current abilities.

This transition from gang leader to community leader demonstrates the power of recovery and the potential for individuals to redirect their lives in meaningful ways. It’s a message of hope and a challenge to societal stigmas surrounding addiction and recovery.

The Importance of Seeing Transformation

Kristina powerfully addresses the often narrow and stigmatized view of addiction. “I think a lot of times people look at addicts and alcoholics and any other kind of addiction, you know, they think about somebody with heroin needles in their arms. Or when it could be medical doctors that are popping pills. Mm-hmm. And nobody’s seen that.” This quote challenges the common stereotypes and highlights the diverse faces of addiction, emphasizing the importance of recognizing the humanity and potential for recovery in everyone.

Unconditional Love and a New Path

Kristina’s story is a powerful reminder of the importance of unconditional love and support in the recovery process. Their mother’s unwavering belief in them, even during the darkest times, played a crucial role in their journey.

This narrative underscores the transformative power of human connection and the potential for individuals to find a new path, even after years of struggle. Kristina’s story is a beacon of hope, demonstrating that recovery is possible and that a brighter future awaits those who seek it.

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Reclaiming Self-Worth: 9 Powerful Lessons from a Depression Survivor’s Story

This article summarizes a powerful conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire and featuring guest Ari Cohen. Ari, a social worker and mental health advocate, shares her deeply personal story of living with depression from childhood, navigating suicidal ideation, and eventually learning to pursue healing for herself—not just for others.

Through Ari’s reflections and the insights of co-host Dr. Anita Sanz, this episode explores the often-overlooked question: Who are you getting better for? It’s a question that reveals the core of how we view ourselves, our worth, and the motivation behind our recovery.

These 11 lessons highlight the emotional and practical takeaways from Ari’s journey—and may help you or someone you love begin to view healing through a new, more self-compassionate lens.

1. Depression Isn’t Always Obvious—Especially in Children

Ari’s depression began presenting itself not through sadness, but through physical symptoms: fatigue, body aches, and unexplained weight loss.

As Ari recalls:

I had lost 10 pounds, and at 11, you should be growing, not going in the other direction. I showed that I was really not interested in things. I was sleeping a lot more than usual. And I just was pretty numb to a lot of life.

She credits her family doctor for recognizing that something deeper was going on. Instead of brushing off the physical complaints, the doctor discreetly informed Ari’s mother of her concern about the emotional and psychological symptoms.

Key takeaway:

  • Depression in young people may look like physical illness.
  • Early, compassionate intervention can shift the course of someone’s life.

2. A Diagnosis Can Become an Identity

Being diagnosed at 11 left Ari with few tools to separate herself from her depression. For years, it was the defining element of her identity.

As she explains:

It used to be at the very beginning [of how I described myself]. And maybe the only thing I ever said about who I was to people.

She adds:

I just embraced this label of depression. Like, this makes so much sense for me. This describes who I am.

Receiving a diagnosis can bring clarity, but when it overshadows the rest of a person’s personality, dreams, or interests, it can limit their sense of identity and possibility.

What helps:

  • Practicing language that reflects your whole self.
  • Reconnecting with interests and parts of identity lost during struggle.

3. Medication Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

Shortly after being prescribed antidepressants, Ari began experiencing suicidal thoughts—an effect that was not yet widely discussed for children on these medications.

As Ari recounts:

After taking the medication for two weeks, I had my very first suicidal thoughts. And I wasn’t scared, but I told my mother and she was scared.

That honest conversation with her mother led to immediate medical attention and a revised treatment plan.

Important reminders:

  • Side effects don’t mean failure—they mean it’s time for a conversation.
  • Being honest about your experience with medication is an act of self-advocacy.

4. You Can Be in Treatment Without Healing

Despite being in therapy and taking medication, Ari wasn’t on a healing journey—at least not for herself.

She candidly reflects:

I wasn’t really getting better for me. I didn’t know what getting better meant. I was just told by doctors, this is the treatment.

She goes on to say:

I had this goal that I’m gonna look better, do better, so I can go to summer camp.

It wasn’t about wellness—it was about meeting expectations.

This kind of external motivation, while common and sometimes necessary, can prevent us from identifying our own reasons to recover.

5. Trauma Deepens Depression’s Roots

At 14, Ari’s stepbrother and his girlfriend died by suicide. That loss reshaped her understanding of pain—and deepened her resolve to prevent it from touching her family again.

As she solemnly shares:

I just didn’t ever want to see what I saw happen to the family because of me. I wanted to make sure I did everything I could so that they were spared the pain, just the devastation.

She made a vow in that moment—to ask for help before she ever reached that point herself.

6. Asking for Help Can Be a Lifesaving Habit

A few years later, after a painful breakup, Ari kept that promise to herself. She told her mom she was in crisis and sought help at a more supportive facility.

For the first time, a clinician asked for her input. As Ari recalls:

This is the first helping person I can remember asking me: What do you think would make it better?

She didn’t hesitate:

I want to meet other kids like me. I want to meet people that are struggling.

That honest desire to feel seen was the start of a new direction in her care.

7. Finding Your People Changes Everything

Ari found community in an outpatient program that connected her with other teens who were also struggling with their mental health.

As she describes it:

These kids had it harder than I did… and they were still here and they’re still in this room fighting for it.

That experience gave her perspective and solidarity. Her pain no longer existed in a vacuum. She wasn’t broken—she was part of a resilient, fighting community.

8. Healing for Yourself Requires a Mental Shift

A transformative moment arrived when a therapist posed a life-changing question: “Who are you doing this for?”

Ari admits:

That was the first time I’d been faced with that question and really reflected… No, I’ve never been doing this for me.

She then makes a quiet but powerful declaration:

I was ready to at least try. I’m trying to feel like I am worthy of a life worth living.

That internal motivation didn’t erase her depression, but it shifted her reason for showing up—and that changed everything.

9. You Deserve Good Things—Because You Exist

Like many who live with depression, Ari struggled with self-worth. She believed good things had to be earned through suffering, sacrifice, or service.

As she explains:

I didn’t really believe that just because I was born, I was worthy of positive things in my life.

The journey to unlearn that belief has been ongoing, but recognizing it was a pivotal start.

10. Doing It For Yourself Doesn’t Mean Doing It By Yourself

Ari makes an important distinction about solo versus self-guided healing: “Even though I have intrinsic motivation to do this for myself… I’m still not alone with it and I can ask for help.”

She also offers a metaphor that hits home:

You need to fill your gas tank… you eventually will run out and then your car will tell you that you’ve run out.

And as Terry eloquently put it:

Doing something for ourselves… is not the same as doing it by ourselves.

You can do it for you while still leaning on others. Those aren’t opposing truths.

11. Rediscovering Yourself Takes Time and Gentleness

For Ari, healing also meant gently reintroducing herself to joy, spirituality, and creativity.

She shares:

One of the ways we can come back to ourselves is exploring things that we are passionate about and that we enjoy.

From reading to synagogue attendance to writing letters to her struggles—like one she addressed to “suicide”—Ari used journaling to recognize how much of her identity had been tied to pain.

As she reflects:

Seeing it on paper… that I was owning so much of my identity to these things and not seeing the rest of myself really helped.

Final Thoughts: You Are Worthy of Healing—Not Just Survival

This episode is a gentle but powerful reminder that healing doesn’t require perfection. It begins with curiosity, honesty, and the willingness to try.

As Dr. Anita Sanz beautifully summarized:

She came to believe that she was a good person and she was worthy of good things… not just because it would make other people feel better, but because she deserved that.

And as Terry reminded listeners:

It was for ourselves, not by ourselves.

Whether you’re surviving for others or struggling to find your reason, Ari’s story shows us that our motivation can shift. You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. You don’t need to love yourself perfectly to believe you deserve care.

Your life matters—to others, yes. But especially to you.

Key Takeaways

Doing it for yourself doesn’t mean doing it alone. Ask for help. Accept support. Use resources.

Depression in children can appear as physical symptoms. Early attention is key.

Medications require monitoring. Side effects like suicidal ideation are serious and must be reported.

You can be compliant with treatment and still not be healing. Real change requires internal motivation.

External motivators (like family or fear) can keep you alive, but may not sustain healing.

Peer connection is powerful. Community reduces shame and builds hope.

Healing for yourself is a choice—and a process. You don’t have to fully believe it to begin.

You are more than your diagnosis. Rediscover passions and identity beyond the label.

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Finding Your Red Roof: Bryon’s Journey Towards Hope and Recovery from Alcohol Addiction

Bryon’s story, shared on the Giving Voice to Addiction Podcast by Recovery.com, is a powerful testament to the fact that recovery is possible, no matter how deep the descent into addiction. His journey, marked by a gradual slide into alcohol dependence and a profound moment of clarity, offers invaluable insights for anyone grappling with substance use.

Addiction, as Bryon poignantly illustrates, doesn’t discriminate. It can creep into anyone’s life, often disguised as a harmless way to unwind, before tightening its grip. But within the darkness of addiction lies the potential for a powerful rebirth, a “phoenix rising” as Bryon describes it, towards a life filled with hope and sobriety.

The Subtle Inception of Dependence

Bryon’s relationship with alcohol began innocuously. In his words, “It was my friend for a long time.” His early experiences in the military involved partying, but it wasn’t until later in life, during a seemingly prosperous period, that alcohol began to take a more central role. The casual evening drink gradually increased in frequency and strength.

As Bryon reflects, “There was nothing intentional. And most alcoholics will say it starts fun. It was fun. So a way to wind down the day.” This highlights a crucial aspect of addiction: it often begins subtly, masked as a social lubricant or a way to relieve stress, making it easy to overlook the gradual shift towards dependence.

The Turning Point: When “Fun” Turns to Necessity

The dynamic shifted significantly for Bryon after his divorce and during a stressful real estate deal. He recounts, “It was just this constant struggle to try to stay ahead of this property before I went bankrupt… Anyway, so there happens to be a liquor store on the way there, so me and this other guy would get in there in the morning and he’d have his Diet Coke and fill it up and I have my Diet Coke and fill it up. And that was the beginning of the day drinking.” This marked a critical transition from recreational use to a daily necessity, a coping mechanism to navigate overwhelming stress.

The “Soft Landing” That Was Anything But

Bryon describes his experience as a “soft landing,” contrasting it with the more outwardly destructive paths of some other alcoholics. However, his personal account reveals the profound impact of his drinking. He lost track of days, culminating in a terrifying incident where police officers conducted a welfare check, finding him with a blood alcohol level of 0.38.

“I woke up one time and I had six police officers around me… My blood alcohol was uh, 0.38. So, I mean, I was, 38% of my blood was alcohol. How much more of that could I have tolerated? I don’t think very much.” This stark reality underscores that even without overt legal consequences, the internal and personal devastation of alcoholism is immense.

The Downward Spiral and the Need for Intervention

Bryon vividly describes the insidious nature of addiction: “With an alcoholic, you just I, I just slid down this path where every time I would be afraid, afraid I would just have a drink. And then I’d have 2 drinks and I’d have 5 drinks, and then I don’t have to think about it at all. So you just continue sliding down and down. And then at the end of the day. I can break my shoelace and I just wanna go drink ’cause that’s the only tool that I have left.” This illustrates the progressive isolation and reliance on alcohol as the sole means of navigating life, emphasizing the importance of breaking this cycle.

Recognizing the Need for Change

For Bryon, the realization that he had a drinking problem came relatively quickly. “So I realized within about only about 4 or 5 years that I immediately decided I had a drinking problem and I went immediately and got in, involved in that and made the decision to stop drinking.” This swift recognition, though not always the case for everyone, was a pivotal step in his journey towards recovery.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

The Power of a Personal “Red Roof”

Bryon’s story takes a profound turn when he describes 2 pivotal moments that solidified his desire for sobriety. The first was a seemingly divine experience while driving, hearing the words, “So you want to see a miracle?” followed by the breathtaking beauty of a valley.

The second, and perhaps more relatable, was the overwhelming exhaustion during a hike in the Grand Canyon, followed by an unexpected surge of energy and hope upon seeing the “red roof” of the welcome center. “I stepped up and I looked over the top. I could see the red roof of the welcome center where we started. And in that moment I felt, I felt hope… That to me was how this moment was. It was like for whatever reason, I felt I could do it. I could walk because I had hope.” This “red roof” became a powerful metaphor for a tangible goal, a beacon of hope that propelled him forward.

The Nature of Hope in Recovery

Bryon beautifully articulates the role of hope in overcoming addiction: “That’s what alcoholism is. I mean, you’re, you’re hapless, hopeless, helpless to the next drink, and then for whatever reason, there’s this moment and you can then walk the mile.” This highlights that while addiction can strip away feelings of agency, the re-emergence of hope can be the catalyst for change, providing the strength to embark on the challenging journey of recovery.

Facing Fears and Embracing a New Life

Recovery, as Bryon describes it, is about confronting the underlying issues that fuel the addiction. “Life begins where your, your fear ends. And that’s what that is. I mean, if you’re drinking, you’re drinking to hide from something, whatever that is, and at some moment you’re gonna find the strength and the hope to face whatever it is that’s, that’s making you want to drink.” This process involves an “ascension out of the darkness” towards a “rebirth,” where one learns new, healthy coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges.

Finding Your Own Path to Recovery

Bryon’s experience with seeking help was unique. While he attended AA meetings and found a sponsor, he resisted traditional in-house treatment, driven by a desire for autonomy. “Well, when I ended up going to the VA 2 times, and the second time I went to the VA they kinda had a family meeting and said, well, if you don’t do this…you’re not gonna be able to be around the grandkids… It was like…I’m not doing this. I don’t want this as my life and uh, I can do this myself.” Instead, he focused on self-education, incorporating self-hypnosis, meditation, manifestation, and Stoic philosophy into his recovery.

The Importance of Diverse Treatment Options

Bryon’s story underscores the significance of offering a range of treatment options. As Caroline Beidler points out, resources like Recovery.com provide individuals with the ability to search for specific types of support that resonate with their needs, whether it’s a focus on veterans, a specific location, or particular therapeutic approaches. This personalized approach can be crucial for individuals who may feel resistant to more traditional forms of treatment.

Finding Connection and Shared Experience

Bryon emphasized the value of connecting with others in recovery. “The other thing is you find a group of people that understand who you are and you, you want examples of where you’re going… Just talking to them and sharing their stories and listening to that and having that to look forward to.” Hearing the stories of others who have successfully navigated recovery can provide immense hope and practical guidance.

Filling the Void with Positive Activities

Sobriety often leaves a void that was previously filled by alcohol. Bryon highlights the importance of actively engaging in positive activities to fill this time. “If you drank all the time and then now you don’t drink, you have nothing but time. So you have to fill those things with positives, so you have to decide what you enjoy.” This proactive approach helps to build a fulfilling life in recovery.

Reframing Identity: From “Alcoholic” to “Recovering”

Bryon offers a powerful shift in perspective regarding identity. “My message to everybody who is going through this is number one is don’t define yourself by your alcoholism. Refine yourself with alcoholism… You can one day say, I refined that view and I used to drink. I don’t drink anymore.” This emphasizes that addiction is a part of one’s story, but it doesn’t have to be the defining characteristic. Recovery is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

The Power of Choice

Bryon doesn’t shy away from the stark reality of untreated alcoholism. “See we’re, we have a disease that’s 100% fatal. If you do not address your alcoholism, it’s 100% fatal.” However, he immediately follows this with a message of empowerment: “Once you find control, you have a choice to rebuild your life in any manner that you want… there’s nothing beyond your control. You are not hapless, helpless, or hopeless.” Recovery is a choice, and with support and determination, a fulfilling life is attainable.

The Transformative Power of Sobriety

Bryon’s personal transformation is a beacon of hope. “I’ve made all my money back. I’m a, a successful day trader. I have all my family. Everything’s back.” He acknowledges that this reality seemed unimaginable during his active addiction, emphasizing the profound positive changes that sobriety can bring.

Reaching Out and Finding Your “Red Roof”

Bryon’s final message is one of hope and action. “For those that really want it to be done, you’ll find that point. And then you need to reach out for people like me who are in the AA program or whatever program that you choose, and you go there and you say I’m an alcoholic and I need help. And there are millions of people that will help you. What you have to realize is that there is hope. There is a red roof for you and you have to go and walk to it. And that’s a choice.”

Bryon’s powerful story reminds us that while the journey of addiction can be dark and isolating, recovery is not only possible but can lead to a life beyond what once seemed imaginable. Finding your “red roof,” that personal beacon of hope, and taking the courageous steps towards it, is the key to unlocking a future filled with sobriety and renewed purpose.

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Kate Garn’s 13 Insights on Breaking Free From Hidden Alcoholism

Kate Garn joined Recoverycast to share her powerful journey through the depths of alcohol dependence and her inspiring climb toward sobriety. Her story, filled with raw honesty and vulnerability, sheds light on the often-hidden struggles of functional alcoholism, the impact of postpartum depression, and the transformative power of finding connection in recovery. Kate’s narrative underscores the crucial message that addiction doesn’t always look like the stereotypical image, and that finding a path to a healthier life is possible.

1. The Gradual Descent: From Social Drinking to Coping Mechanism

Kate’s relationship with alcohol began in high school, a seemingly typical experience for many. However, what started as occasional social drinking gradually morphed into a coping mechanism, particularly as she navigated the pressures of young adulthood and the drinking culture prevalent in hair school and the service industry.

“It had just become something that was normal to me,” Kate reflected. “It was routine. I wanted to unwind after work. I wanted to, you know, my body hurt, my mind was exhausted, everything. And I just wanted to numb it.” This highlights how easily social drinking can transition into a reliance on alcohol to manage stress and emotions.

2. Postpartum Depression: A Turning Point Towards Dependence

The arrival of her son brought immense joy, but also an overwhelming wave of postpartum depression, exacerbated by a traumatic birth experience. Kate recounted the harrowing moments after her son’s birth, stating, “I still remember the feeling that I had when he started breathing…” This trauma created significant anxiety and sleep deprivation, leading her to self-medicate with alcohol.

“When I stopped breastfeeding after three months, I started drinking all the time. ’cause I could now. Mm-hmm. You know, and I knew that’s what I had used before to calm me down.” This period marked a significant shift towards using alcohol as a primary way to cope with intense emotional distress. Postpartum depression is a serious condition affecting many new mothers and can significantly increase the risk of substance use as a form of self-treatment1.

Explore depression treatment options.

3. The Illusion of Control: Functional Alcoholism

Despite drinking frequently and heavily, Kate’s struggles weren’t immediately apparent to those around her. Even her ex-husband, who witnessed her drinking firsthand, didn’t recognize the extent of her dependence. “‘I wasn’t hiding it. You know, he was right there. But even he didn’t think she’s an alcoholic. And when I look at it, I’m like, how? How did you guys not think it?'”

This illustrates the phenomenon of functional alcoholism, where individuals maintain their daily responsibilities while still struggling with alcohol dependence. This can make it difficult for loved ones to recognize the problem and for the individual to acknowledge it themselves.

4. The Internal Disconnect: Masking Pain with Performance

Kate astutely pointed out the internal conflict she experienced, feeling the need to present a certain image to the world while battling inner turmoil. Tom Farley agrees, stating “They’re putting out this person that they think the world wants to see or that they need to be. And it’s not real. And you feel that inside this doesn’t, this is not real for me. And so therefore the only way I to deal with that feeling, at least for me, was to, was to drink.”

This resonates with many individuals who use substances to cope with feelings of inadequacy or inauthenticity. The constant performance can be exhausting and isolating, further fueling the cycle of dependence.

5. Hitting Rock Bottom: The Desire to Not Exist

Kate’s journey reached a critical point where she no longer wanted to live with the pain and dependence. “On the day that I stopped drinking, I was, you know, it was a bad place. It was scary and I had struggled for a long time, but I, it had hit its peak.” This moment of despair often serves as a catalyst for change, a stark realization that the current path is unsustainable and life-threatening. The fear of the impact her addiction would have on her son also played a significant role in her decision to seek help.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

6. Seeking a Lifeline: The First AA Meeting

Facing her desperation, Kate took a courageous step and searched for resources. “I knew what you see on tv, AA, or rehab. Like, that’s where my mind went. So that’s what I Googled that morning.” Her discovery of a local AA meeting, particularly an all-women’s meeting, proved to be a pivotal moment. The sense of connection and shared experience she found there was crucial in her early sobriety.

7. The Power of Connection: Finding Common Ground

Walking into that first meeting, Kate had preconceived notions about what it would be like. “For me, when I pictured AA meetings, I didn’t picture a bunch of women like me. I pictured a bunch of women who had lost everything. Homeless, you know, worst case scenario.”

Instead, she found a community of regular women who understood her struggles. “To see and hear what these women had to say really like, struck a chord with me. Like, I was like, wow. They are regular people. Living, you know, life every day. Like a lot of people do. Their stories, some of them very similar to mine.” This sense of belonging and relatability is a cornerstone of successful recovery.

8. Beyond Dry Drunk: Embracing the Steps

Early in her sobriety, Kate described herself as a “dry drunk,” indicating that she had stopped drinking but hadn’t yet addressed the underlying issues fueling her addiction. It wasn’t until she began working the 12 Steps that she started to experience true recovery and healing.

“When I finally got, you know, to the point where I was ready to work the steps, because I think before that I just really wasn’t ready. I couldn’t get myself there. So when I finally started doing that and seeing the benefits of it…” The 12 Steps provide a structured framework for self-reflection, accountability, and spiritual growth, which are vital for long-term sobriety.

9. Finding Motivation: Doing It for Someone Else

While the common advice in recovery is to focus on oneself, Kate found her primary motivation in her son. “‘They say do it for you. I do it for him. I’m second there and I know that’s, you know, everyone’s like, no, it’s you. And it’s like, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. It is healthy for me to think this is for Mac because I didn’t value my own life like that.'” This highlights that the path to recovery can be deeply personal, and finding a strong external motivator can be a powerful initial driving force.

10. The Vulnerability of Sharing: TikTok as a Platform for Connection

Kate’s journey took an unexpected turn when she began sharing her experiences on TikTok. This platform became an outlet for her raw honesty and vulnerability, creating a space for connection with others facing similar challenges. “I’m a vulnerable person. I’m raw, I’m honest. That’s what my TikTok is… I just am who I am.” Her willingness to share her struggles openly has resonated with a large audience, fostering a sense of community and reducing the stigma surrounding addiction.

11. The Power of Unseen Support: “I Love Who You Are Sober”

A poignant moment in Kate’s story was her mother’s heartfelt affirmation during a difficult time in early sobriety. “I was crying, and my mom came over and she was like being super supportive to me and I just told her, you know, I want a drink. And she was like, but I love who you are sober. And it just like I do, I get super emotional when talking about that because it’s like, that just shows me like they have never known me.” This powerful statement underscored the profound difference sobriety had made in Kate’s true self, a self that had been obscured by alcohol for so long.

12. Navigating the Journey: Amends and Self-Compassion

Kate touched upon the challenging aspect of making amends in recovery, acknowledging the difficulty of confronting past actions. She also highlighted the importance of self-compassion, recognizing the progress she has made rather than dwelling solely on past mistakes. “‘Getting sober, you realize so many things about yourself when you get sober.’ ‘Well, it’s about your pain, not theirs.'” This emphasizes the introspective nature of recovery and the need to focus on personal healing.

13. The Misunderstanding of Shame: Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Kate addressed the negative feedback she sometimes receives for being so open about her struggles, with some suggesting she should be ashamed. However, her vulnerability is precisely what allows others to feel less alone. By sharing her truth, Kate is breaking down stigma and offering hope to others on their own recovery journeys.

Kate’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of seeking help and connection. Her journey from functional alcoholism and the depths of postpartum depression to a place of sobriety and open sharing offers a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with addiction. It reminds us that recovery is possible, and that finding a supportive community can make all the difference.

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Welcome to Recovery Reach, the podcast for behavioral health leaders looking for specific marketing and business tactics that can scale their impact.

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Supporting Men’s Mental Health: 9+ Insights to Break Stigma and Build Connection

This article is a summary of a heartfelt conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. Each week on the podcast, Terry shares honest, vulnerable conversations with people who live with depression, as well as experts and professionals who offer insights into mental health challenges and recovery.

In Episode 358: “Rebranding MENtal Health,” Terry and her guest co-host — social worker and educator Carly McCollow — sit down with Ethan Getchell, a mental health counselor whose life took a profound turn after the suicide of his brother. What followed was a journey from grief to purpose, as Ethan dedicated himself to rethinking how we approach men’s mental health.

This episode doesn’t just explore why men struggle to open up; it offers practical, compassionate strategies to meet them where they are. Below, we explore 9+ powerful insights from this conversation that can help us all better support the men in our lives — and remind anyone struggling that they are not alone, and there is always a path forward.

1. Recognize the Cultural Scripts That Shape Men’s Mental Health

Many of us grew up with stories — from movies, TV, even childhood role models — about the tough, independent man who can handle anything on his own. Ethan explains that in the U.S., the idea of the “lone cowboy” or the rugged individualist is deeply ingrained.

Ethan Getchell says:

We haven’t been taught how to build our tribe and community, or how to be vulnerable and emotional.

But the truth is, no one can or should go through life alone. The image of the man who never needs help leaves many men isolated when they inevitably face hardship.

Compassionate reminders:

  • Strength is not about facing pain alone — it’s about knowing when to reach out.
  • Vulnerability isn’t a flaw; it’s part of being fully human.
  • We can all help break the cycle by inviting and normalizing emotional connection.

2. Understand That Isolation Amplifies Depression

The COVID-19 pandemic showed just how fragile many people’s mental health really is — especially for men who were used to distracting themselves with work, hobbies, or sports.

Ethan says:

That’s where covert depression really takes its biggest form … when you’re isolated in your house, you’re forced to sit with your thoughts.

When the distractions fall away, many men realize they’ve been carrying unspoken pain for a long time. But without support systems or emotional tools, they may feel stuck or overwhelmed.

Encouraging takeaways:

  • It’s never too late to start building connection and emotional resilience.
  • Even small steps toward connection — a check-in with a friend, joining a group, talking to a counselor — can break the spell of isolation.
  • You don’t have to wait for crisis to start caring for your emotional health.

3. Therapy Needs a Makeover — and We Can Help

Ethan makes an important point: many men avoid therapy because they don’t like how it’s been “sold” to them.

Ethan says:

Why aren’t we getting men into therapy? It’s because the marketing in what men conceptualize and think of when they hear therapy kind of sucks right now.

He points to campaigns like Man Therapy, which use humor and relatable imagery — like “A mustache is no place to hide your emotions” or “Never ignore your mind’s check engine light” — to make mental health care approachable and less intimidating.

We all have a role in this rebranding. Whether you’re a therapist, a friend, or a loved one, the language you use matters.

Ways to help reshape the narrative:

  • Frame therapy as a strength, not a sign of weakness.
  • Highlight practical, goal-oriented approaches (more on that below!).
  • Celebrate men who share their stories — like Ethan — as role models, not exceptions.

4. Focus on Actionable Behaviors, Not Just Emotions

For some men, the idea of sitting face-to-face in a therapy room talking about feelings is daunting. Ethan adapts his therapeutic approach by starting with behavioral change — something concrete and measurable.

He uses tools like the Habit Share app (which he emphasizes he has no affiliation with) to help clients track daily habits and build momentum.

Ethan says:

You start to acknowledge that your thoughts are influencing you, affecting you — and it’s done through a rebranding and communication style that says, ‘Hey, we’re doing therapy right now, and it’s not hurting you.’

By focusing on behaviors — eating well, exercising, maintaining routines — Ethan helps clients strengthen their mental health in a way that feels tangible and nonthreatening.

Practical tip: Focus first on what you do, and let deeper emotional insights follow naturally over time.

5. Mind the Core Four Elements: Earth, Water, Fire, Air

In moments of darkness or overwhelm, it’s easy to neglect the basics — but those basics are the foundation of well-being. Ethan uses the metaphor of the four elements to help his clients remember what matters most:

  • Earth → Eating (nourish your body)
  • Water → Hydration (stay hydrated)
  • Fire → Movement (get moving, exercise)
  • Air → Breathing (practice calm, meditate, pray)

Ethan says:

The first step to making it better is taking care of the things that sustain your life. In Maslow’s hierarchy, take care of your basic needs first. Even when they’re in a heightened state, they can come back to those four.

These simple, grounding checks can make all the difference when someone feels untethered or overwhelmed.

Encouraging reminder: You don’t have to solve everything today. Start with the basics, and build from there.

6. Know There’s a Time for Crisis Management — and a Time for Growth

Ethan explains that therapy often unfolds in two phases:

  1. Crisis Management — When someone is struggling acutely (suicidal thoughts, intense depression), the focus is on stabilizing and protecting life.
  2. Exploration and Growth — Once stability returns, deeper work begins: exploring strengths, reflecting on identity, setting goals, and imagining a hopeful future.

Ethan says:

Once you’re not putting out fires, you can start to explore … then you start to learn some of your strengths, weaknesses, passions.

This compassionate framing reassures us that needing crisis help is not failure — it’s the first courageous step on a longer, richer journey.

7. Listening is an Act of Love

One of Ethan’s most profound observations is that many young men come to therapy because they don’t have anyone else who truly listens.

Ethan says:

It’s amazing how with just enough persistent, patient listening, you can get them to come out of their shell.

If you have a man in your life who’s struggling, remember: you don’t need to fix him. You don’t need to lecture or advise. You just need to show up, stay curious, and hold space.

Loving ways to listen:

  • Ask open-ended questions.
  • Resist the urge to immediately problem-solve.
  • Offer reassurance: “You might stumble, but it’s not the end.”

8. Reimagine How We Invite Men Into Support

It’s common to hear people say things like “Dude, you need therapy,” — but that kind of framing can feel shaming or accusatory. Carly highlights how shifting the invitation can make all the difference.

Instead of confronting, try:

  • “Hey, you seem overwhelmed. Do you have someone you can talk to?”
  • “You’ve been carrying a lot lately — want help finding support?”

As Carly McCollow says:

Even if we change our tone, the voice inside that person’s head might still hear judgment. But if we frame it as concern and care, it’s easier to accept.

The goal isn’t to push people into therapy — it’s to remind them they deserve care, connection, and support.

9. Create Shoulder-to-Shoulder Spaces

Direct, eye-to-eye conversations can feel intimidating — especially when emotions are involved. Ethan and Carly both emphasize the power of shoulder-to-shoulder connection:

Terry McGuire says:

It’s easier to talk when you’re not looking eye to eye … if you’re in the car, or shooting hoops, or walking together.

These parallel spaces lower defenses and make vulnerability feel safer.

Examples:

  • Going for a walk together.
  • Joining a dads’ “stroller club.”
  • Sharing a drive, or doing an activity side by side.

These aren’t just casual hangouts — they’re quiet invitations to share, support, and remind someone they’re not alone.

+1 Bonus: Remember, Everyone Needs Support During Life Transitions

Job loss, relationship changes, illness, parenthood — these life transitions can shake even the most grounded people. Therapy and community support aren’t just for “crisis” moments; they’re tools we can all lean on to navigate life’s ups and downs.

Terry says:

You don’t have to be embarrassed. Therapists have heard it before … they hear regularly from people who have really hard times with all kinds of things.

Let’s break the chain: when we get support for ourselves, we ripple that healing outward to the people we love.

Final Reflections on Men’s Mental Health

This episode of Giving Voice to Depression offers a deeply hopeful and uplifting reminder that meaningful change is not only possible on the individual level, but also across families, communities, and our broader culture. By opening up conversations that challenge outdated ideas about masculinity, strength, and emotional resilience, we begin to create a society where mental health struggles are met with understanding, not judgment.

As Terry so thoughtfully says, these are not merely “difficult” or “uncomfortable” conversations — they are necessary ones. When we rethink how we present therapy, when we invite men into spaces of support with genuine compassion, and when we work intentionally to make vulnerability feel safe rather than shameful, we take important steps toward building a world where no one feels they must suffer silently or carry their burdens alone.

If you or someone you care about is navigating mental health challenges, please remember this: you don’t have to walk this road in isolation. There are caring people ready to listen, to stand beside you, and to remind you — again and again — that healing is not only possible, but that you are deserving of it. You are worth the care, the support, and the hope that recovery can bring.