Reclaiming Self-Worth: 9 Powerful Lessons from a Depression Survivor’s Story

This article summarizes a powerful conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire and featuring guest Ari Cohen. Ari, a social worker and mental health advocate, shares her deeply personal story of living with depression from childhood, navigating suicidal ideation, and eventually learning to pursue healing for herself—not just for others.

Through Ari’s reflections and the insights of co-host Dr. Anita Sanz, this episode explores the often-overlooked question: Who are you getting better for? It’s a question that reveals the core of how we view ourselves, our worth, and the motivation behind our recovery.

These 11 lessons highlight the emotional and practical takeaways from Ari’s journey—and may help you or someone you love begin to view healing through a new, more self-compassionate lens.


1. Depression Isn’t Always Obvious—Especially in Children

Ari’s depression began presenting itself not through sadness, but through physical symptoms: fatigue, body aches, and unexplained weight loss.

As Ari recalls:

I had lost 10 pounds, and at 11, you should be growing, not going in the other direction. I showed that I was really not interested in things. I was sleeping a lot more than usual. And I just was pretty numb to a lot of life.

She credits her family doctor for recognizing that something deeper was going on. Instead of brushing off the physical complaints, the doctor discreetly informed Ari’s mother of her concern about the emotional and psychological symptoms.

Key takeaway:

  • Depression in young people may look like physical illness.
  • Early, compassionate intervention can shift the course of someone’s life.

2. A Diagnosis Can Become an Identity

Being diagnosed at 11 left Ari with few tools to separate herself from her depression. For years, it was the defining element of her identity.

As she explains:

It used to be at the very beginning [of how I described myself]. And maybe the only thing I ever said about who I was to people.

She adds:

I just embraced this label of depression. Like, this makes so much sense for me. This describes who I am.

Receiving a diagnosis can bring clarity, but when it overshadows the rest of a person’s personality, dreams, or interests, it can limit their sense of identity and possibility.

What helps:

  • Practicing language that reflects your whole self.
  • Reconnecting with interests and parts of identity lost during struggle.

3. Medication Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

Shortly after being prescribed antidepressants, Ari began experiencing suicidal thoughts—an effect that was not yet widely discussed for children on these medications.

As Ari recounts:

After taking the medication for two weeks, I had my very first suicidal thoughts. And I wasn’t scared, but I told my mother and she was scared.

That honest conversation with her mother led to immediate medical attention and a revised treatment plan.

Important reminders:

  • Side effects don’t mean failure—they mean it’s time for a conversation.
  • Being honest about your experience with medication is an act of self-advocacy.

4. You Can Be in Treatment Without Healing

Despite being in therapy and taking medication, Ari wasn’t on a healing journey—at least not for herself.

She candidly reflects:

I wasn’t really getting better for me. I didn’t know what getting better meant. I was just told by doctors, this is the treatment.

She goes on to say:

I had this goal that I’m gonna look better, do better, so I can go to summer camp.

It wasn’t about wellness—it was about meeting expectations.

This kind of external motivation, while common and sometimes necessary, can prevent us from identifying our own reasons to recover.


5. Trauma Deepens Depression’s Roots

At 14, Ari’s stepbrother and his girlfriend died by suicide. That loss reshaped her understanding of pain—and deepened her resolve to prevent it from touching her family again.

As she solemnly shares:

I just didn’t ever want to see what I saw happen to the family because of me. I wanted to make sure I did everything I could so that they were spared the pain, just the devastation.

She made a vow in that moment—to ask for help before she ever reached that point herself.


6. Asking for Help Can Be a Lifesaving Habit

A few years later, after a painful breakup, Ari kept that promise to herself. She told her mom she was in crisis and sought help at a more supportive facility.

For the first time, a clinician asked for her input. As Ari recalls:

This is the first helping person I can remember asking me: What do you think would make it better?

She didn’t hesitate:

I want to meet other kids like me. I want to meet people that are struggling.

That honest desire to feel seen was the start of a new direction in her care.


7. Finding Your People Changes Everything

Ari found community in an outpatient program that connected her with other teens who were also struggling with their mental health.

As she describes it:

These kids had it harder than I did… and they were still here and they’re still in this room fighting for it.

That experience gave her perspective and solidarity. Her pain no longer existed in a vacuum. She wasn’t broken—she was part of a resilient, fighting community.


8. Healing for Yourself Requires a Mental Shift

A transformative moment arrived when a therapist posed a life-changing question: “Who are you doing this for?”

Ari admits:

That was the first time I’d been faced with that question and really reflected… No, I’ve never been doing this for me.

She then makes a quiet but powerful declaration:

I was ready to at least try. I’m trying to feel like I am worthy of a life worth living.

That internal motivation didn’t erase her depression, but it shifted her reason for showing up—and that changed everything.


9. You Deserve Good Things—Because You Exist

Like many who live with depression, Ari struggled with self-worth. She believed good things had to be earned through suffering, sacrifice, or service.

As she explains:

I didn’t really believe that just because I was born, I was worthy of positive things in my life.

The journey to unlearn that belief has been ongoing, but recognizing it was a pivotal start.


10. Doing It For Yourself Doesn’t Mean Doing It By Yourself

Ari makes an important distinction about solo versus self-guided healing: “Even though I have intrinsic motivation to do this for myself… I’m still not alone with it and I can ask for help.”

She also offers a metaphor that hits home:

You need to fill your gas tank… you eventually will run out and then your car will tell you that you’ve run out.

And as Terry eloquently put it:

Doing something for ourselves… is not the same as doing it by ourselves.

You can do it for you while still leaning on others. Those aren’t opposing truths.


11. Rediscovering Yourself Takes Time and Gentleness

For Ari, healing also meant gently reintroducing herself to joy, spirituality, and creativity.

She shares:

One of the ways we can come back to ourselves is exploring things that we are passionate about and that we enjoy.

From reading to synagogue attendance to writing letters to her struggles—like one she addressed to “suicide”—Ari used journaling to recognize how much of her identity had been tied to pain.

As she reflects:

Seeing it on paper… that I was owning so much of my identity to these things and not seeing the rest of myself really helped.


Final Thoughts: You Are Worthy of Healing—Not Just Survival

This episode is a gentle but powerful reminder that healing doesn’t require perfection. It begins with curiosity, honesty, and the willingness to try.

As Dr. Anita Sanz beautifully summarized:

She came to believe that she was a good person and she was worthy of good things… not just because it would make other people feel better, but because she deserved that.

And as Terry reminded listeners:

It was for ourselves, not by ourselves.

Whether you’re surviving for others or struggling to find your reason, Ari’s story shows us that our motivation can shift. You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. You don’t need to love yourself perfectly to believe you deserve care.

Your life matters—to others, yes. But especially to you.


Key Takeaways

Doing it for yourself doesn’t mean doing it alone. Ask for help. Accept support. Use resources.

Depression in children can appear as physical symptoms. Early attention is key.

Medications require monitoring. Side effects like suicidal ideation are serious and must be reported.

You can be compliant with treatment and still not be healing. Real change requires internal motivation.

External motivators (like family or fear) can keep you alive, but may not sustain healing.

Peer connection is powerful. Community reduces shame and builds hope.

Healing for yourself is a choice—and a process. You don’t have to fully believe it to begin.

You are more than your diagnosis. Rediscover passions and identity beyond the label.

Finding Your Red Roof: Bryon’s Journey Towards Hope and Recovery from Alcohol Addiction

Bryon’s story, shared on the Giving Voice to Addiction Podcast by Recovery.com, is a powerful testament to the fact that recovery is possible, no matter how deep the descent into addiction. His journey, marked by a gradual slide into alcohol dependence and a profound moment of clarity, offers invaluable insights for anyone grappling with substance use.

Addiction, as Bryon poignantly illustrates, doesn’t discriminate. It can creep into anyone’s life, often disguised as a harmless way to unwind, before tightening its grip. But within the darkness of addiction lies the potential for a powerful rebirth, a “phoenix rising” as Bryon describes it, towards a life filled with hope and sobriety.

The Subtle Inception of Dependence

Bryon’s relationship with alcohol began innocuously. In his words, “It was my friend for a long time.” His early experiences in the military involved partying, but it wasn’t until later in life, during a seemingly prosperous period, that alcohol began to take a more central role. The casual evening drink gradually increased in frequency and strength.

As Bryon reflects, “There was nothing intentional. And most alcoholics will say it starts fun. It was fun. So a way to wind down the day.” This highlights a crucial aspect of addiction: it often begins subtly, masked as a social lubricant or a way to relieve stress, making it easy to overlook the gradual shift towards dependence.

The Turning Point: When “Fun” Turns to Necessity

The dynamic shifted significantly for Bryon after his divorce and during a stressful real estate deal. He recounts, “It was just this constant struggle to try to stay ahead of this property before I went bankrupt… Anyway, so there happens to be a liquor store on the way there, so me and this other guy would get in there in the morning and he’d have his Diet Coke and fill it up and I have my Diet Coke and fill it up. And that was the beginning of the day drinking.” This marked a critical transition from recreational use to a daily necessity, a coping mechanism to navigate overwhelming stress.

The “Soft Landing” That Was Anything But

Bryon describes his experience as a “soft landing,” contrasting it with the more outwardly destructive paths of some other alcoholics. However, his personal account reveals the profound impact of his drinking. He lost track of days, culminating in a terrifying incident where police officers conducted a welfare check, finding him with a blood alcohol level of 0.38.

“I woke up one time and I had six police officers around me… My blood alcohol was uh, 0.38. So, I mean, I was, 38% of my blood was alcohol. How much more of that could I have tolerated? I don’t think very much.” This stark reality underscores that even without overt legal consequences, the internal and personal devastation of alcoholism is immense.

The Downward Spiral and the Need for Intervention

Bryon vividly describes the insidious nature of addiction: “With an alcoholic, you just I, I just slid down this path where every time I would be afraid, afraid I would just have a drink. And then I’d have 2 drinks and I’d have 5 drinks, and then I don’t have to think about it at all. So you just continue sliding down and down. And then at the end of the day. I can break my shoelace and I just wanna go drink ’cause that’s the only tool that I have left.” This illustrates the progressive isolation and reliance on alcohol as the sole means of navigating life, emphasizing the importance of breaking this cycle.

Recognizing the Need for Change

For Bryon, the realization that he had a drinking problem came relatively quickly. “So I realized within about only about 4 or 5 years that I immediately decided I had a drinking problem and I went immediately and got in, involved in that and made the decision to stop drinking.” This swift recognition, though not always the case for everyone, was a pivotal step in his journey towards recovery.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

The Power of a Personal “Red Roof”

Bryon’s story takes a profound turn when he describes 2 pivotal moments that solidified his desire for sobriety. The first was a seemingly divine experience while driving, hearing the words, “So you want to see a miracle?” followed by the breathtaking beauty of a valley.

The second, and perhaps more relatable, was the overwhelming exhaustion during a hike in the Grand Canyon, followed by an unexpected surge of energy and hope upon seeing the “red roof” of the welcome center. “I stepped up and I looked over the top. I could see the red roof of the welcome center where we started. And in that moment I felt, I felt hope… That to me was how this moment was. It was like for whatever reason, I felt I could do it. I could walk because I had hope.” This “red roof” became a powerful metaphor for a tangible goal, a beacon of hope that propelled him forward.

The Nature of Hope in Recovery

Bryon beautifully articulates the role of hope in overcoming addiction: “That’s what alcoholism is. I mean, you’re, you’re hapless, hopeless, helpless to the next drink, and then for whatever reason, there’s this moment and you can then walk the mile.” This highlights that while addiction can strip away feelings of agency, the re-emergence of hope can be the catalyst for change, providing the strength to embark on the challenging journey of recovery.

Facing Fears and Embracing a New Life

Recovery, as Bryon describes it, is about confronting the underlying issues that fuel the addiction. “Life begins where your, your fear ends. And that’s what that is. I mean, if you’re drinking, you’re drinking to hide from something, whatever that is, and at some moment you’re gonna find the strength and the hope to face whatever it is that’s, that’s making you want to drink.” This process involves an “ascension out of the darkness” towards a “rebirth,” where one learns new, healthy coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges.

Finding Your Own Path to Recovery

Bryon’s experience with seeking help was unique. While he attended AA meetings and found a sponsor, he resisted traditional in-house treatment, driven by a desire for autonomy. “Well, when I ended up going to the VA 2 times, and the second time I went to the VA they kinda had a family meeting and said, well, if you don’t do this…you’re not gonna be able to be around the grandkids… It was like…I’m not doing this. I don’t want this as my life and uh, I can do this myself.” Instead, he focused on self-education, incorporating self-hypnosis, meditation, manifestation, and Stoic philosophy into his recovery.

The Importance of Diverse Treatment Options

Bryon’s story underscores the significance of offering a range of treatment options. As Caroline Beidler points out, resources like Recovery.com provide individuals with the ability to search for specific types of support that resonate with their needs, whether it’s a focus on veterans, a specific location, or particular therapeutic approaches. This personalized approach can be crucial for individuals who may feel resistant to more traditional forms of treatment.

Finding Connection and Shared Experience

Bryon emphasized the value of connecting with others in recovery. “The other thing is you find a group of people that understand who you are and you, you want examples of where you’re going… Just talking to them and sharing their stories and listening to that and having that to look forward to.” Hearing the stories of others who have successfully navigated recovery can provide immense hope and practical guidance.

Filling the Void with Positive Activities

Sobriety often leaves a void that was previously filled by alcohol. Bryon highlights the importance of actively engaging in positive activities to fill this time. “If you drank all the time and then now you don’t drink, you have nothing but time. So you have to fill those things with positives, so you have to decide what you enjoy.” This proactive approach helps to build a fulfilling life in recovery.

Reframing Identity: From “Alcoholic” to “Recovering”

Bryon offers a powerful shift in perspective regarding identity. “My message to everybody who is going through this is number one is don’t define yourself by your alcoholism. Refine yourself with alcoholism… You can one day say, I refined that view and I used to drink. I don’t drink anymore.” This emphasizes that addiction is a part of one’s story, but it doesn’t have to be the defining characteristic. Recovery is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

The Power of Choice

Bryon doesn’t shy away from the stark reality of untreated alcoholism. “See we’re, we have a disease that’s 100% fatal. If you do not address your alcoholism, it’s 100% fatal.” However, he immediately follows this with a message of empowerment: “Once you find control, you have a choice to rebuild your life in any manner that you want… there’s nothing beyond your control. You are not hapless, helpless, or hopeless.” Recovery is a choice, and with support and determination, a fulfilling life is attainable.

The Transformative Power of Sobriety

Bryon’s personal transformation is a beacon of hope. “I’ve made all my money back. I’m a, a successful day trader. I have all my family. Everything’s back.” He acknowledges that this reality seemed unimaginable during his active addiction, emphasizing the profound positive changes that sobriety can bring.

Reaching Out and Finding Your “Red Roof”

Bryon’s final message is one of hope and action. “For those that really want it to be done, you’ll find that point. And then you need to reach out for people like me who are in the AA program or whatever program that you choose, and you go there and you say I’m an alcoholic and I need help. And there are millions of people that will help you. What you have to realize is that there is hope. There is a red roof for you and you have to go and walk to it. And that’s a choice.”

Bryon’s powerful story reminds us that while the journey of addiction can be dark and isolating, recovery is not only possible but can lead to a life beyond what once seemed imaginable. Finding your “red roof,” that personal beacon of hope, and taking the courageous steps towards it, is the key to unlocking a future filled with sobriety and renewed purpose.

Kate Garn’s 13 Insights on Breaking Free From Hidden Alcoholism

Kate Garn joined Recoverycast to share her powerful journey through the depths of alcohol dependence and her inspiring climb toward sobriety. Her story, filled with raw honesty and vulnerability, sheds light on the often-hidden struggles of functional alcoholism, the impact of postpartum depression, and the transformative power of finding connection in recovery. Kate’s narrative underscores the crucial message that addiction doesn’t always look like the stereotypical image, and that finding a path to a healthier life is possible.

1. The Gradual Descent: From Social Drinking to Coping Mechanism

Kate’s relationship with alcohol began in high school, a seemingly typical experience for many. However, what started as occasional social drinking gradually morphed into a coping mechanism, particularly as she navigated the pressures of young adulthood and the drinking culture prevalent in hair school and the service industry.

“It had just become something that was normal to me,” Kate reflected. “It was routine. I wanted to unwind after work. I wanted to, you know, my body hurt, my mind was exhausted, everything. And I just wanted to numb it.” This highlights how easily social drinking can transition into a reliance on alcohol to manage stress and emotions.

2. Postpartum Depression: A Turning Point Towards Dependence

The arrival of her son brought immense joy, but also an overwhelming wave of postpartum depression, exacerbated by a traumatic birth experience. Kate recounted the harrowing moments after her son’s birth, stating, “I still remember the feeling that I had when he started breathing…” This trauma created significant anxiety and sleep deprivation, leading her to self-medicate with alcohol.

“When I stopped breastfeeding after three months, I started drinking all the time. ’cause I could now. Mm-hmm. You know, and I knew that’s what I had used before to calm me down.” This period marked a significant shift towards using alcohol as a primary way to cope with intense emotional distress. Postpartum depression is a serious condition affecting many new mothers and can significantly increase the risk of substance use as a form of self-treatment1.

Explore depression treatment options.

3. The Illusion of Control: Functional Alcoholism

Despite drinking frequently and heavily, Kate’s struggles weren’t immediately apparent to those around her. Even her ex-husband, who witnessed her drinking firsthand, didn’t recognize the extent of her dependence. “‘I wasn’t hiding it. You know, he was right there. But even he didn’t think she’s an alcoholic. And when I look at it, I’m like, how? How did you guys not think it?'”

This illustrates the phenomenon of functional alcoholism, where individuals maintain their daily responsibilities while still struggling with alcohol dependence. This can make it difficult for loved ones to recognize the problem and for the individual to acknowledge it themselves.

4. The Internal Disconnect: Masking Pain with Performance

Kate astutely pointed out the internal conflict she experienced, feeling the need to present a certain image to the world while battling inner turmoil. Tom Farley agrees, stating “They’re putting out this person that they think the world wants to see or that they need to be. And it’s not real. And you feel that inside this doesn’t, this is not real for me. And so therefore the only way I to deal with that feeling, at least for me, was to, was to drink.”

This resonates with many individuals who use substances to cope with feelings of inadequacy or inauthenticity. The constant performance can be exhausting and isolating, further fueling the cycle of dependence.

5. Hitting Rock Bottom: The Desire to Not Exist

Kate’s journey reached a critical point where she no longer wanted to live with the pain and dependence. “On the day that I stopped drinking, I was, you know, it was a bad place. It was scary and I had struggled for a long time, but I, it had hit its peak.” This moment of despair often serves as a catalyst for change, a stark realization that the current path is unsustainable and life-threatening. The fear of the impact her addiction would have on her son also played a significant role in her decision to seek help.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

6. Seeking a Lifeline: The First AA Meeting

Facing her desperation, Kate took a courageous step and searched for resources. “I knew what you see on tv, AA, or rehab. Like, that’s where my mind went. So that’s what I Googled that morning.” Her discovery of a local AA meeting, particularly an all-women’s meeting, proved to be a pivotal moment. The sense of connection and shared experience she found there was crucial in her early sobriety.

7. The Power of Connection: Finding Common Ground

Walking into that first meeting, Kate had preconceived notions about what it would be like. “For me, when I pictured AA meetings, I didn’t picture a bunch of women like me. I pictured a bunch of women who had lost everything. Homeless, you know, worst case scenario.”

Instead, she found a community of regular women who understood her struggles. “To see and hear what these women had to say really like, struck a chord with me. Like, I was like, wow. They are regular people. Living, you know, life every day. Like a lot of people do. Their stories, some of them very similar to mine.” This sense of belonging and relatability is a cornerstone of successful recovery.

8. Beyond Dry Drunk: Embracing the Steps

Early in her sobriety, Kate described herself as a “dry drunk,” indicating that she had stopped drinking but hadn’t yet addressed the underlying issues fueling her addiction. It wasn’t until she began working the 12 Steps that she started to experience true recovery and healing.

“When I finally got, you know, to the point where I was ready to work the steps, because I think before that I just really wasn’t ready. I couldn’t get myself there. So when I finally started doing that and seeing the benefits of it…” The 12 Steps provide a structured framework for self-reflection, accountability, and spiritual growth, which are vital for long-term sobriety.

9. Finding Motivation: Doing It for Someone Else

While the common advice in recovery is to focus on oneself, Kate found her primary motivation in her son. “‘They say do it for you. I do it for him. I’m second there and I know that’s, you know, everyone’s like, no, it’s you. And it’s like, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. It is healthy for me to think this is for Mac because I didn’t value my own life like that.'” This highlights that the path to recovery can be deeply personal, and finding a strong external motivator can be a powerful initial driving force.

10. The Vulnerability of Sharing: TikTok as a Platform for Connection

Kate’s journey took an unexpected turn when she began sharing her experiences on TikTok. This platform became an outlet for her raw honesty and vulnerability, creating a space for connection with others facing similar challenges. “I’m a vulnerable person. I’m raw, I’m honest. That’s what my TikTok is… I just am who I am.” Her willingness to share her struggles openly has resonated with a large audience, fostering a sense of community and reducing the stigma surrounding addiction.

11. The Power of Unseen Support: “I Love Who You Are Sober”

A poignant moment in Kate’s story was her mother’s heartfelt affirmation during a difficult time in early sobriety. “I was crying, and my mom came over and she was like being super supportive to me and I just told her, you know, I want a drink. And she was like, but I love who you are sober. And it just like I do, I get super emotional when talking about that because it’s like, that just shows me like they have never known me.” This powerful statement underscored the profound difference sobriety had made in Kate’s true self, a self that had been obscured by alcohol for so long.

12. Navigating the Journey: Amends and Self-Compassion

Kate touched upon the challenging aspect of making amends in recovery, acknowledging the difficulty of confronting past actions. She also highlighted the importance of self-compassion, recognizing the progress she has made rather than dwelling solely on past mistakes. “‘Getting sober, you realize so many things about yourself when you get sober.’ ‘Well, it’s about your pain, not theirs.'” This emphasizes the introspective nature of recovery and the need to focus on personal healing.

13. The Misunderstanding of Shame: Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Kate addressed the negative feedback she sometimes receives for being so open about her struggles, with some suggesting she should be ashamed. However, her vulnerability is precisely what allows others to feel less alone. By sharing her truth, Kate is breaking down stigma and offering hope to others on their own recovery journeys.

Kate’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of seeking help and connection. Her journey from functional alcoholism and the depths of postpartum depression to a place of sobriety and open sharing offers a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with addiction. It reminds us that recovery is possible, and that finding a supportive community can make all the difference.

Recovery Reach

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Supporting Men’s Mental Health: 9+ Insights to Break Stigma and Build Connection

This article is a summary of a heartfelt conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. Each week on the podcast, Terry shares honest, vulnerable conversations with people who live with depression, as well as experts and professionals who offer insights into mental health challenges and recovery.

In Episode 358: “Rebranding MENtal Health,” Terry and her guest co-host — social worker and educator Carly McCollow — sit down with Ethan Getchell, a mental health counselor whose life took a profound turn after the suicide of his brother. What followed was a journey from grief to purpose, as Ethan dedicated himself to rethinking how we approach men’s mental health.

This episode doesn’t just explore why men struggle to open up; it offers practical, compassionate strategies to meet them where they are. Below, we explore 9+ powerful insights from this conversation that can help us all better support the men in our lives — and remind anyone struggling that they are not alone, and there is always a path forward.


1. Recognize the Cultural Scripts That Shape Men’s Mental Health

Many of us grew up with stories — from movies, TV, even childhood role models — about the tough, independent man who can handle anything on his own. Ethan explains that in the U.S., the idea of the “lone cowboy” or the rugged individualist is deeply ingrained.

Ethan Getchell says:

We haven’t been taught how to build our tribe and community, or how to be vulnerable and emotional.

But the truth is, no one can or should go through life alone. The image of the man who never needs help leaves many men isolated when they inevitably face hardship.

Compassionate reminders:

  • Strength is not about facing pain alone — it’s about knowing when to reach out.
  • Vulnerability isn’t a flaw; it’s part of being fully human.
  • We can all help break the cycle by inviting and normalizing emotional connection.

2. Understand That Isolation Amplifies Depression

The COVID-19 pandemic showed just how fragile many people’s mental health really is — especially for men who were used to distracting themselves with work, hobbies, or sports.

Ethan says:

That’s where covert depression really takes its biggest form … when you’re isolated in your house, you’re forced to sit with your thoughts.

When the distractions fall away, many men realize they’ve been carrying unspoken pain for a long time. But without support systems or emotional tools, they may feel stuck or overwhelmed.

Encouraging takeaways:

  • It’s never too late to start building connection and emotional resilience.
  • Even small steps toward connection — a check-in with a friend, joining a group, talking to a counselor — can break the spell of isolation.
  • You don’t have to wait for crisis to start caring for your emotional health.

3. Therapy Needs a Makeover — and We Can Help

Ethan makes an important point: many men avoid therapy because they don’t like how it’s been “sold” to them.

Ethan says:

Why aren’t we getting men into therapy? It’s because the marketing in what men conceptualize and think of when they hear therapy kind of sucks right now.

He points to campaigns like Man Therapy, which use humor and relatable imagery — like “A mustache is no place to hide your emotions” or “Never ignore your mind’s check engine light” — to make mental health care approachable and less intimidating.

We all have a role in this rebranding. Whether you’re a therapist, a friend, or a loved one, the language you use matters.

Ways to help reshape the narrative:

  • Frame therapy as a strength, not a sign of weakness.
  • Highlight practical, goal-oriented approaches (more on that below!).
  • Celebrate men who share their stories — like Ethan — as role models, not exceptions.

4. Focus on Actionable Behaviors, Not Just Emotions

For some men, the idea of sitting face-to-face in a therapy room talking about feelings is daunting. Ethan adapts his therapeutic approach by starting with behavioral change — something concrete and measurable.

He uses tools like the Habit Share app (which he emphasizes he has no affiliation with) to help clients track daily habits and build momentum.

Ethan says:

You start to acknowledge that your thoughts are influencing you, affecting you — and it’s done through a rebranding and communication style that says, ‘Hey, we’re doing therapy right now, and it’s not hurting you.’

By focusing on behaviors — eating well, exercising, maintaining routines — Ethan helps clients strengthen their mental health in a way that feels tangible and nonthreatening.

Practical tip: Focus first on what you do, and let deeper emotional insights follow naturally over time.


5. Mind the Core Four Elements: Earth, Water, Fire, Air

In moments of darkness or overwhelm, it’s easy to neglect the basics — but those basics are the foundation of well-being. Ethan uses the metaphor of the four elements to help his clients remember what matters most:

  • Earth → Eating (nourish your body)
  • Water → Hydration (stay hydrated)
  • Fire → Movement (get moving, exercise)
  • Air → Breathing (practice calm, meditate, pray)

Ethan says:

The first step to making it better is taking care of the things that sustain your life. In Maslow’s hierarchy, take care of your basic needs first. Even when they’re in a heightened state, they can come back to those four.

These simple, grounding checks can make all the difference when someone feels untethered or overwhelmed.

Encouraging reminder: You don’t have to solve everything today. Start with the basics, and build from there.


6. Know There’s a Time for Crisis Management — and a Time for Growth

Ethan explains that therapy often unfolds in two phases:

  1. Crisis Management — When someone is struggling acutely (suicidal thoughts, intense depression), the focus is on stabilizing and protecting life.
  2. Exploration and Growth — Once stability returns, deeper work begins: exploring strengths, reflecting on identity, setting goals, and imagining a hopeful future.

Ethan says:

Once you’re not putting out fires, you can start to explore … then you start to learn some of your strengths, weaknesses, passions.

This compassionate framing reassures us that needing crisis help is not failure — it’s the first courageous step on a longer, richer journey.


7. Listening is an Act of Love

One of Ethan’s most profound observations is that many young men come to therapy because they don’t have anyone else who truly listens.

Ethan says:

It’s amazing how with just enough persistent, patient listening, you can get them to come out of their shell.

If you have a man in your life who’s struggling, remember: you don’t need to fix him. You don’t need to lecture or advise. You just need to show up, stay curious, and hold space.

Loving ways to listen:

  • Ask open-ended questions.
  • Resist the urge to immediately problem-solve.
  • Offer reassurance: “You might stumble, but it’s not the end.”

8. Reimagine How We Invite Men Into Support

It’s common to hear people say things like “Dude, you need therapy,” — but that kind of framing can feel shaming or accusatory. Carly highlights how shifting the invitation can make all the difference.

Instead of confronting, try:

  • “Hey, you seem overwhelmed. Do you have someone you can talk to?”
  • “You’ve been carrying a lot lately — want help finding support?”

As Carly McCollow says:

Even if we change our tone, the voice inside that person’s head might still hear judgment. But if we frame it as concern and care, it’s easier to accept.

The goal isn’t to push people into therapy — it’s to remind them they deserve care, connection, and support.


9. Create Shoulder-to-Shoulder Spaces

Direct, eye-to-eye conversations can feel intimidating — especially when emotions are involved. Ethan and Carly both emphasize the power of shoulder-to-shoulder connection:

Terry McGuire says:

It’s easier to talk when you’re not looking eye to eye … if you’re in the car, or shooting hoops, or walking together.

These parallel spaces lower defenses and make vulnerability feel safer.

Examples:

  • Going for a walk together.
  • Joining a dads’ “stroller club.”
  • Sharing a drive, or doing an activity side by side.

These aren’t just casual hangouts — they’re quiet invitations to share, support, and remind someone they’re not alone.


+1 Bonus: Remember, Everyone Needs Support During Life Transitions

Job loss, relationship changes, illness, parenthood — these life transitions can shake even the most grounded people. Therapy and community support aren’t just for “crisis” moments; they’re tools we can all lean on to navigate life’s ups and downs.

Terry says:

You don’t have to be embarrassed. Therapists have heard it before … they hear regularly from people who have really hard times with all kinds of things.

Let’s break the chain: when we get support for ourselves, we ripple that healing outward to the people we love.


Final Reflections on Men’s Mental Health

This episode of Giving Voice to Depression offers a deeply hopeful and uplifting reminder that meaningful change is not only possible on the individual level, but also across families, communities, and our broader culture. By opening up conversations that challenge outdated ideas about masculinity, strength, and emotional resilience, we begin to create a society where mental health struggles are met with understanding, not judgment.

As Terry so thoughtfully says, these are not merely “difficult” or “uncomfortable” conversations — they are necessary ones. When we rethink how we present therapy, when we invite men into spaces of support with genuine compassion, and when we work intentionally to make vulnerability feel safe rather than shameful, we take important steps toward building a world where no one feels they must suffer silently or carry their burdens alone.

If you or someone you care about is navigating mental health challenges, please remember this: you don’t have to walk this road in isolation. There are caring people ready to listen, to stand beside you, and to remind you — again and again — that healing is not only possible, but that you are deserving of it. You are worth the care, the support, and the hope that recovery can bring.

Maureen’s Journey in Eating Disorder Recovery and Self-Love

The Giving Voice to Mental Health Podcast recently shared a deeply personal story of resilience with Maureen, who recounted her journey through an eating disorder that began during her time as a ballet dancer in the 1980s. Her powerful narrative offers crucial understanding and hope for individuals facing similar challenges and those who support them. Hosts Terry McGuire and Caroline Beidler guided a conversation that illuminated the isolation of struggling with an eating disorder when awareness was limited, contrasting it with the growing resources available today.

More Than Just Food: Understanding the Core of Recovery

Maureen thoughtfully described her experience not as a “battle,” but as “working through” an eating disorder. This highlights the ongoing and internal nature of recovery, extending beyond just physical health to encompass self-image, self-esteem, and, most importantly, self-love.

“I feel that I am recovering from a combination of… not understanding how to take care of myself. It’s beyond the amount of food that you put in your body, for example, it’s really about self-image and self-esteem and self-love…”

Her words emphasize that true recovery involves a fundamental shift in how one perceives and values themselves.

The Weight of External Expectations: Body Image and Triggers

As a ballet dancer in the 1980s, Maureen faced immense pressure regarding her body image. This environment became a significant trigger, highlighting how external expectations can contribute to the development of eating disorders.

“As a young person in college, I was a dancer, a ballet dancer in the 1980s and at that time, body image was a huge thing and you had to look a certain way and be a certain way in order to perform…”

This experience underscores the importance of recognizing and addressing societal and environmental factors that can fuel disordered eating.

A Long and Winding Road: The Reality of Ongoing Recovery

Maureen’s journey to self-acceptance has spanned decades, illustrating that recovery is rarely a straight path. It involves continuous effort, with challenges and negative thoughts potentially resurfacing.

“It’s taken me this much of my life to arrive at being okay with myself, you know? And even that gets challenged all the time… I’m always in recovery. I’m always working on recovery.”

Her strength lies in her ability to identify unhealthy patterns and consciously choose a healthier direction, affirming, “You’re okay. You’re good just the way you are.”

Explore eating disorder treatment options.

The Harmful Words: What Not to Say to Someone Struggling

Well-intentioned but misguided advice, such as “just eat more,” can be detrimental to someone with an eating disorder. Maureen emphasized the importance of avoiding comments about food altogether.

“Teachers didn’t really know what to do with me. They didn’t know what to say. They just kept saying, well, you have to eat more. You have to eat more. It’s not what, it’s not the right thing to say… Don’t say anything about food. Leave it alone and let me figure it out.”

Instead, she suggests expressing non-judgmental support and focusing on aspects of their life unrelated to food or body image. Suggesting alternative activities, like “Let’s go for a walk,” can be far more helpful.

Finding Support: The Power of Connection

While formal therapy wasn’t consistently available to Maureen in the early stages, she found crucial support in friends, particularly within the modern dance community, which offered a more accepting environment. This highlights the significance of supportive relationships in recovery.

“I found support in friends and interestingly in among dancer friends… I found a really wonderful, supportive community there.”

The lack of readily available professional help in the 1980s underscores the progress made in providing resources today.

A World of Options: Hope for Today and Tomorrow

Maureen reflected on the lack of treatment options available when she was struggling, a stark contrast to the resources that exist now. Today, individuals have access to information, various therapies, peer support groups, and treatment facilities.

“If it happened to me now, I wouldn’t hesitate to look around for a place to go, you know, somebody to talk to or a situation to take care of myself…”

Caroline emphasized the wealth of information available on https://recovery.com/resources/ and the importance of educating ourselves and others about eating disorders and available support.

Embracing Life: Finding Joy in Self-Acceptance

Maureen’s journey ultimately led her to a powerful realization: life is truly good when you treat yourself with kindness and embrace self-acceptance.

“Oh. ’cause life is so good when you’re, when you’re able to treat yourself well. When you’re able to love yourself and accept yourself, life is really, really great.”

This message of hope and the possibility of a more positive and vibrant life serves as an encouragement for anyone currently struggling to believe in their own potential for recovery and self-love.

Chelsea Ocean on Losing a Loved One to Alcohol Addiction and Navigating Grief

“I used to call him Jekyll and Hyde because he was a perfect man when he was sober. Handsome and perfect and sweet and kind and loving and hardworking… And then when he was drunk, he was the worst human being on the planet, the most manipulative, conniving, careless…” These powerful words from Chelsea Ocean on Recoverycast paint a stark picture of the duality that often characterizes life with someone struggling with alcoholism. Her raw and honest account of loving and ultimately losing her partner, Dan, to this insidious disease offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating the turbulent waters of addiction in their relationships.

Chelsea’s story is a testament to love, resilience, and the heartbreaking realities of alcoholism. Through her journey, we can glean crucial lessons about recognizing the signs, understanding the progression, and coping with the profound impact of addiction on individuals and their loved ones.

The Illusion of Perfection and the Mask of Addiction

Chelsea recounts the early days of her marriage with Dan as “literally perfect.” This highlights a common phenomenon where individuals struggling with early-stage alcoholism can maintain a seemingly normal and even exceptional facade. As Chelsea notes, “people used to come over and be like, how do you guys have such a perfect marriage? Tell us.” This can make it incredibly difficult to recognize the subtle beginnings of a problem.

However, beneath this veneer of perfection, the insidious nature of addiction can take root. As Chelsea later realized, looking back with knowledge about alcoholism’s progression, they were already in the later stages of addiction by the time she recognized a significant issue. This underscores the importance of understanding the stages of alcoholism to identify potential problems early on.

The Gradual Progression and Missed Warning Signs

Chelsea’s initial unawareness of Dan’s increasing tolerance exemplifies how easily the early stages of alcoholism can be missed, especially by those unfamiliar with heavy drinking. “Before he left, we were in stage two, I would say, where he was building a tolerance. But to me who had not been around alcohol… I never noticed anything. He was fine. He never got drunk.” In a culture where social drinking is prevalent, and a high tolerance can even be seen as somewhat impressive, these early signs can be easily dismissed.

It’s crucial to remember that building a tolerance is a physiological adaptation to regular alcohol consumption and a key indicator of developing dependence. What might seem like simply holding one’s liquor well can be a sign of the body adjusting to increasing amounts of alcohol.

The Impact of Environment and Culture

Chelsea poignantly describes the drinking culture within the military and how it may have contributed to Dan’s early drinking habits. “Dan was that kid where he was drinking very young… he was in the military and they all drink in the military.” The high-stress environment, coupled with a bonding culture centered around alcohol, can create a breeding ground for problematic drinking.

The military has acknowledged the challenges of alcohol misuse within its ranks and has implemented programs aimed at shifting the culture and providing support. However, Chelsea’s experience highlights the potential disconnect between stated policies and the lived realities of service members.

The Isolation and Fear of Seeking Help

Chelsea’s account of the military’s unsupportive stance towards active-duty personnel struggling with addiction is deeply concerning. “If you’re active duty and you are an alcoholic or you’re struggling with some sort of addiction or mental health issue, you are afraid to tell anyone because you will lose your job.” This fear of repercussions can create a significant barrier to seeking help, trapping individuals in a cycle of secrecy and isolation.

This situation underscores the critical need for destigmatizing addiction and mental health issues within high-stakes professions and ensuring accessible and confidential support systems.

Recovery.com offers resources for finding support and treatment options.

The Strain on Relationships and the Burden on Loved Ones

Chelsea vividly portrays the emotional turmoil and practical challenges of living with someone whose personality drastically changes under the influence of alcohol. The “Jekyll and Hyde” analogy perfectly encapsulates this jarring contrast. The unpredictability, disappearances, and the constant state of worry take a significant toll on the mental and emotional well-being of the partner and family.

“And I’m home with a newborn baby without another vehicle and just kind of like, okay, well, if he dies, no one’s going to know because I have no clue where he is.” This desperate situation highlights the profound sense of helplessness and fear experienced by loved ones.

The Futility of Control and the Need for Boundaries

Chelsea’s early attempts to control Dan’s drinking – yelling, fighting, hiding credit cards – are common reactions from loved ones desperately seeking to stop the destructive behavior. However, as she learned, “none of that works. All it does is drive you insane.” Addiction is a complex disease, and the individual struggling with it must ultimately choose recovery.

Establishing healthy boundaries becomes crucial for the well-being of the non-addicted partner. This might involve detaching emotionally from the addict’s behavior and focusing on one’s own self-care and safety.

Read how to set healthy boundaries in relationships affected by addiction.

The Rollercoaster of Hope and Disappointment

The cycle of Dan getting “better and then spiral and then get better and then spiral” is a heartbreakingly common experience for families dealing with addiction. These brief periods of sobriety can offer a glimmer of hope, leading loved ones to believe that change is possible. However, without sustained recovery efforts and addressing the underlying issues, relapse is a significant risk.

“Just enough for me to, like, hold on, like, just enough for me to have hope. Well, okay, he was sober for four weeks this time. So he can be sober.” This highlights the emotional manipulation inherent in the cycle of addiction, where intermittent sobriety can reinforce the partner’s hope and commitment.

The Physical Dependence and the Struggle to Stop

Chelsea’s description of Dan’s physical withdrawal symptoms illustrates the powerful grip of physical dependence in later stages of alcoholism. “He wants to be sober. He doesn’t want to drink, but he can’t, he can’t say no… he has tremors or he would get sweats or he would, you know, get anxiety attacks.” This highlights the medical necessity of proper detoxification and medical supervision for individuals with significant alcohol dependence.

The Erosion of Trust and the Impact of Dishonesty

The lack of “rigorous honesty” that often accompanies active addiction erodes the foundation of trust in a relationship. Even seemingly small lies about drinking habits chip away at intimacy and connection. “How many beers did you have?” becomes a loaded question, and the constant deception creates a climate of suspicion and distrust.

The Cycle of Guilt, Shame, and Relapse

Chelsea astutely points out the vicious cycle of guilt and shame that can perpetuate addiction. The negative behaviors and consequences of being drunk lead to feelings of remorse when sober. However, these feelings can be overwhelming and difficult to manage, often triggering a return to drinking as a way to numb the pain.

“When they get sober, what do they have, like you said, you have the guilt and the shame and you don’t want to feel those things, especially as an alcoholic. You can’t manage it… So what do you do? You drink again because you don’t [want to feel it].” Breaking this cycle requires addressing the underlying emotional and psychological issues that contribute to both the addiction and the inability to cope with sobriety.

The Misguided Attempts to “Fix” and the Powerlessness of Love

Chelsea’s heartbreaking account of trying everything to help Dan, including having another child, reveals the desperate measures loved ones often take in their attempts to “fix” the situation. “You think if I could just give them more good, if I could just put more good in their life, it’ll be enough… I can fix it. I can fix it. But you cannot.”

This realization is crucial. While love and support are essential, they cannot force someone into recovery. The individual with the addiction must ultimately make the choice to seek help and commit to the challenging journey of sobriety. Al-Anon is a support group for families and friends of alcoholics that emphasizes detaching with love and focusing on one’s own well-being.

The Breaking Point and the Need for Self-Preservation

The devastating incident following the birth and open-heart surgery of Chelsea’s second child served as a profound breaking point. Dan’s disappearance during this critical time underscored the severity of his addiction and the threat it posed to the well-being of their family.

“So that happened and after that, I was like, Oh, this is it, like, this is the end. I will raise two children by myself. We are done.” This moment of clarity highlights the critical need for self-preservation when living with active addiction. Setting firm boundaries and being prepared to prioritize one’s own safety and the safety of children is paramount.

Choosing Light and Living Fully

Chelsea’s journey, though marked by profound loss, has evolved into a testament to resilience and healing. Today, she lives a full and meaningful life, carrying Dan’s memory forward with love and honesty. She openly speaks about him with her children, ensuring his place in their family narrative while also imparting the crucial lessons learned from his struggles.

Importantly, Chelsea emphasizes that she carries no burden of blame for Dan’s passing, understanding that addiction is a formidable disease. Her focus now is on living her truth, advocating for awareness, and supporting others navigating similar paths, transforming her personal tragedy into a source of hope and empowerment.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability and Sharing Our Stories

Chelsea Ocean’s courageous sharing of her personal story on Recoverycast offers a beacon of hope and understanding for those touched by alcoholism. Her journey underscores the complexities of loving someone with addiction, the importance of recognizing the signs and stages, and the vital need for support and self-care.

Chelsea’s vulnerability is a powerful reminder that by sharing our experiences, we can break the stigma surrounding addiction, raise awareness, and ultimately help others navigate their own journeys toward healing and recovery. If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol addiction, please know that help is available.

Recovery.com offers a comprehensive directory of treatment centers and resources.

Reclaiming Hope from Depression: 9+ Lessons for Moving Forward When You’re Stuck

This article summarizes a heartfelt conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In Episode 357, “The Power of Yet: Reclaiming Hope,” Terry and co-host Dr. Anita Sanz revisit Lori’s deeply personal journey through persistent depression. With remarkable honesty, Lori shares the painful truths, small victories, and gentle shifts that helped her reclaim a sense of hope after nearly a decade of feeling stuck.

This article isn’t about “quick fixes” or magic solutions. It’s about the power of small steps, the importance of connection, and the courage it takes to remain open to the possibility of change—even when hope feels out of reach. Whether you are navigating depression yourself or walking alongside someone who is, these insights offer gentle reminders that healing is possible—even if you haven’t found the right path yet.


1. Understand That You Are Not Broken, You Are Stuck

The most profound realization Lori took away from her treatment experience was one that challenged the very foundation of how she saw herself:

Lori: You don’t need to be fixed because you’re not broken. You’re just stuck.

Those words softened years of self-blame. Because broken feels permanent. It suggests damage that cannot be undone. But stuck? Stuck means there’s still a way forward. Maybe not easily, maybe not quickly—but forward nonetheless.

Why this matters:

  • Stuck means temporary. Broken feels hopeless.
  • Stuck suggests there is a way through. Broken suggests there is not.
  • Stuck invites compassion. Broken fuels shame.

If you are struggling, please hear this: You are not broken. You are not beyond help. You are stuck—and stuck is something that can change.

2. Know That You Are Not Alone

For so many people living with chronic depression, one of the heaviest burdens is the belief that they are the only one who feels this way. Lori expressed this beautifully when she said:

Lori: I didn’t know anybody at all like me that just lived with that all-the-time depression.

That sense of isolation can deepen despair and reinforce the lie that something is uniquely wrong with you. But Lori’s experience at the treatment center introduced her to others who shared similar struggles. It was life-changing.

Lori: It maybe just took a little bit of the burden off of me just thinking that it was just me.

Ways to remind yourself you’re not alone:

  • Join a peer support group
  • Listen to stories like Lori’s and others on Giving Voice to Depression
  • Seek community through online mental health forums

Connection breaks isolation. It chips away at the lie that you are the only one.

3. Make Small, Consistent Shifts

One of the most powerful lessons Lori learned was the importance of small, manageable changes—what she calls “tiny shifts.”

Lori: They said, what if you’re willing to shift your thinking like one degree? Not 180 degrees—one degree.

It can be tempting to believe that healing requires radical transformation. But often, it’s the small, consistent adjustments that move us toward a better place.

Think of an airplane changing course by just one degree. Over time, that tiny shift leads to an entirely different destination. It’s the same with depression recovery.

Gentle suggestions:

  • Try one new coping tool
  • Adjust your inner self-talk by just one phrase
  • Commit to one small act of self-care each day

You don’t have to overhaul your life. You just have to be willing to try something different—even one degree different.

4. Embrace the Power of “Yet”

Throughout the episode, Terry and Dr. Anita reflect on the significance of one small word: yet. It’s a word that keeps the door to possibility cracked open, even when hope feels impossible.

Instead of saying:

  • “I’m not better.”

Try saying:

  • “I’m not better yet.”
  • “I haven’t found what helps yet.”

“Yet” acknowledges the reality of where you are without closing the door on where you could go. It’s an invitation to remain open to the possibility of change—even if that change hasn’t arrived today.

5. Recognize Depression’s Lies

Depression is more than sadness. It’s a master manipulator—a voice that whispers cruel, believable lies about your worth and your future.

Lori: I always wanted somebody to fix me. I’m like, why can’t somebody fix me? Why can’t meds fix me, why can’t a counselor? Why can’t I be fixed? And they said, you don’t need to be fixed because you’re not broken. You’re just stuck.

Depression lies when it tells you:

  • “You are worthless.”
  • “You will always feel this way.”
  • “Nothing will ever help.”

As Terry gently reminds listeners:

Terry: Of course, every message you’re getting is ‘Nothing will change and you’re not worth it,’ but that’s the lie.

To counter these lies:

  • Speak your truth out loud
  • Challenge the negative thoughts, even when they feel convincing
  • Surround yourself with people who remind you of your value

6. Honor Your Past Without Letting It Define You

Lori shared how easy it was to live in the story of her past—believing that the failures and pain behind her were proof that nothing could change.

But one small shift in thinking changed everything:

Lori: Your past is very important… but now what? How do you get through the rest of your life?

Acknowledging where you’ve been is vital. But staying stuck there keeps you from moving forward. Healing invites us to carry the lessons, not the weight.

Ways to let go of the past’s grip:

  • Mindfulness practices that anchor you in the present
  • Forgiveness work (especially self-forgiveness)
  • Compassionate self-reflection instead of harsh judgment

7. Lighten Your Load: From Backpack Person to Screen Door Person

One of the most memorable metaphors Lori shares is the idea of being a “backpack person” versus a “screen door person.”

Lori: I was a huge backpack person. Everything that happened to me—and to others—I put it in my backpack and carried it. It just got so heavy.

When we carry every hurt, every disappointment, and every responsibility like stones in a backpack, the load becomes unbearable. Lori learned to let go of that weight, choosing instead to let life’s experiences “blow through” like air through a screen door:

Lori: I don’t need to cling to it. I don’t need to judge it. I don’t need to carry it.

Visualize this:

  • Notice what you’re packing into your backpack
  • Ask yourself what you can let go of today
  • Picture yourself as a screen door—allowing life to flow through without trapping it inside

8. Redefine Your Worth: You Don’t Have to Earn It

A major shift for Lori came when she realized how much of her pain was tied to contingent self-worth—the belief that her value had to be earned through success, perfection, or selflessness.

But in treatment, she heard a truth that helped her begin to break free from that cycle:

Lori: My worth is a set point. It’s not changeable.

Your worth is not up for debate. It is not based on your productivity, your weight, your income, or how many people you please. It is inherent. It is constant. It is yours.

Daily reminders:

  • “I am worthy as I am.”
  • “My worth does not fluctuate.”
  • “I do not have to earn the right to take up space.”

9. Stay Open-Minded About What Might Help

Lori’s healing journey didn’t look like what she expected. In fact, some of the tools that made a difference were things she might have dismissed before.

As Terry observed:

Terry: There may be gourd painting, and it’d be real easy to be like, ‘Oh, hell no.’ But the act of doing that shifted something.

The truth is, we never know what might open a door, spark a shift, or offer relief. Sometimes, what seems silly or “not for me” turns out to be the thing that helps the most.

Stay open to:

  • Creative outlets
  • Mindfulness exercises
  • Group experiences you’ve never tried before

Remember Anita’s words of wisdom: “Never say never.”

10. Trust That Slow Progress Is Still Progress

Healing is not linear. There are no straight lines in this journey, and there is no timeline you “should” be on.

Lori: It took a lot of years—my whole lifetime—to get to where I was. I can’t just spin on a dime and everything’s different now.

But even with that reality, Lori noticed something beautiful: the dread that once met her every morning had begun to soften.

Lori: I don’t go to bed at night fearing having to wake up the next morning. I don’t wake up feeling severely disappointed because I wish I hadn’t. I’m slowly doing better, and I’m not in any rush to get better or be happy—but I’m noticing more contentment in my days. And that’s enough for now.

Let this be your encouragement:

  • Slow is okay
  • Small is meaningful
  • “Enough for now” is still enough

Final Thoughts: You Are Worthy of Hope and Healing

Lori’s story is a powerful reminder that even when depression feels like it has stripped away every ounce of hope, there are still paths forward—even if they are small, even if they are slow, even if you haven’t found them yet.

Terry: Depression is too dark a road to walk alone.

Please remember: you are not alone. You are not broken. You are worthy of support, compassion, and hope.

Healing may not happen overnight. But with each small step, each gentle shift, and each courageous act of staying open to the possibility of something new, you are moving forward.

And sometimes, that’s the bravest thing we can do.

Wes’s 7 Steps Towards Hope and Joy in Addiction Recovery

The journey of addiction recovery can feel isolating, filled with shame and guilt, especially in its initial stages. If you’re navigating the turbulent waters of substance use or mental health challenges, you might find yourself asking, “Why should I listen to yet another story?”

In a recent episode of the Giving Voice to Addiction Podcast by Recovery.com, Wes, a man in long-term recovery, offered a compelling answer: “Because I have something to share.” His candid account illuminates the arduous path from the depths of addiction to a life brimming with gratitude, humility, and, most importantly, hope and joy.

This article delves into Wes’s powerful narrative, extracting key insights and expanding on the crucial elements of finding recovery. It’s a testament to the fact that even in the darkest of times, a life worth living is attainable.

1. Recognizing the Descent: When Casual Use Turns Problematic

For many, the slide into problematic substance use isn’t a sudden plunge but a gradual erosion of control. Wes described his early experiences with alcohol as normalized within his family culture. However, the transition from casual drinking to a severe alcohol use disorder was marked by pivotal “light switch moments,” particularly the loss of his father and a confluence of stressful life events, including buying a business and the birth of his twins.

“There’s definitely a couple of like, light switches. Light switch moments or moments where I can point to and say, ah, this was some gas on a fire here,” Wes reflected. This highlights how significant life stressors can act as catalysts for escalating substance use as a maladaptive coping mechanism.

It’s crucial to recognize these turning points in your own life. Were there specific events or periods of heightened stress that coincided with an increase in your substance use? Identifying these triggers can be the first step towards understanding the roots of the problem.

2. The Illusion of Control: Secretive Use and Denial

One of the insidious aspects of developing a substance use disorder is the tendency towards secrecy and denial. Wes admitted to being a “very closeted sort of a drinker,” concealing his escalating consumption from his wife and colleagues. He would drink heavily in his car after work, masking his intake by using non-descript containers.

This behavior is often driven by a combination of shame and a desire to maintain a semblance of normalcy. However, as Wes pointed out, certain behavioral changes can be red flags for loved ones: “Eventually some mood changes…meaning anger…not being myself.” These shifts in personality and emotional regulation can be subtle at first but often become more pronounced as the addiction deepens.

If you find yourself going to great lengths to hide your substance use or experiencing significant mood swings, it’s a strong indicator that your relationship with the substance has become unhealthy.

3. The Futility of Willpower Alone: Addiction’s Grip

The point at which willpower alone is insufficient to break free from addiction is a critical realization. Wes recounted a two-year period of sobriety achieved through “white-knuckling it,” only to relapse because he lacked sustainable recovery tools and support.

“Eventually, I realized that, but I was at a point where I couldn’t stop. The addiction that had just taken hold and that chemical dependency…was more than I could…overcome by just willpower,” he explained. This underscores the neurobiological changes that occur with prolonged substance use, leading to cravings and dependence that require more than sheer determination to overcome.

If you’ve repeatedly tried to stop using substances on your own and found yourself unable to maintain sobriety, it’s a sign that professional help and a structured recovery program are necessary.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

4. The False Promise of Moderation: A Common Pitfall

Many individuals struggling with substance use attempt to regain control by moderating their consumption. Wes shared his experience with this common pitfall: “One of the first things we will reach for is, is moderation…Alright. I can, I can cut back, right? I can do this. And…I have yet to meet any of my coachees or mentees um, myself, I have yet to meet somebody that can do that.”

While moderation may be a viable option for some individuals who do not have a substance use disorder, for those with a history of addiction, it often proves to be an unsustainable and ultimately triggering path. Recognizing this personal limitation, as Wes did, is a crucial step towards accepting the need for complete abstinence.

5. The Ripple Effect: Damaged Relationships

Addiction rarely exists in a vacuum; it profoundly impacts the individual’s relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Wes poignantly described the deterioration of his relationships, including his long-term marriage and his connection with his children. His employees even had to intervene due to his drinking at work.

“My wife of 20 years asked me to leave the house…Walking away from, you know, a marriage of 20 years and four children was pretty hard, you know? So it affected the relationships pretty significantly,” he shared. The consequences of addiction can be devastating, leading to loss of trust, emotional distance, and fractured bonds.

Repairing these relationships is a vital part of the recovery process, requiring vulnerability, honesty, and time. Seeking family therapy or support groups can be instrumental in this healing journey.

6. The Power of Accountability and Readiness

Wes’s turning point came with the stark reality of potentially losing custody of his children. This external accountability, in the form of a monitoring device and regular testing, proved to be a significant catalyst for his sustained sobriety.

“That right there was like, that was a big light switch for me. And what I call that is accountability…I didn’t have a huge accountability piece in my early recovery…And that piece was instrumental for me,” he explained. While external accountability can be crucial, it must also coincide with an internal readiness for change. As Wes noted, “I think it also came at a point when I was ready.”

Finding sources of accountability, whether through support groups, sponsors, or structured monitoring, can significantly strengthen your commitment to recovery. However, this external support is most effective when coupled with a genuine desire for change.

7. Embracing Joy: Life Beyond Sobriety

The ultimate goal of recovery extends far beyond simply abstaining from substances. It’s about rediscovering a life filled with purpose, connection, and joy. Wes beautifully articulated this distinction: “I feel like in recovery you’re joyful…I’m fricking sober. Like, yeah, this, this is good.”

This sentiment echoes the understanding that true recovery involves a holistic transformation, addressing not only the physical dependence but also the underlying emotional and psychological factors that contributed to the addiction. It’s about building a fulfilling life where substances no longer hold power.

As Caroline Beidler aptly summarized, “The recovery journey and getting well in recovery isn’t just about stopping our substance use…It’s about discovering this new life this life of joy and purpose and hope.”

Finding Your Punchline: Comedian Andrew Barr’s 10 Insights on Addiction and Recovery

In the world of comedy, timing is everything. But what happens when life throws you a curveball that’s no laughing matter? On a recent episode of Recovery Cast, hosts Brittani Baynard and Tom Farley sat down with the incredibly funny Andrew Barr, a Canadian stand-up comedian, to explore his journey through addiction and into recovery.

His story, filled with sharp wit and raw honesty, offers profound insights into the insidious nature of substance use, the pivotal moments that lead to change, and the challenging yet rewarding path to sobriety. Get ready for an unexpected and deeply human conversation that goes beyond the punchlines.

1. The Gradual Descent: Understanding the Progression of Addiction

Andrew’s experience mirrors the reality for many struggling with substance use: it rarely begins with a dramatic plunge. For him, heavy drinking started around the same time he began his comedy career at 18, a seemingly natural accompaniment to the bar scene. However, this casual drinking gradually escalated, eventually leading to the use of MDMA, psychedelics, and, by his early twenties, cocaine. This slow and steady increase is a hallmark of addiction, making it difficult for individuals to recognize the danger until it’s deeply entrenched.

Yeah, I think it’s just the nature of the disease…They call it a progressive disease. It gets worse over time and it changes you ever so slowly, which I think is kind of its insidious nature. Like the change happens so slowly that you feel the same day to day, but you are just changing a little bit and a little bit and a little bit and it doesn’t seem like much.

This gradual shift can be attributed to several factors. The body develops tolerance, requiring more of the substance to achieve the same effect. Psychologically, reliance on substances as a coping mechanism strengthens over time. Furthermore, as Andrew points out, the environment can play a significant role, especially in professions where substance use is normalized or even encouraged.

2. Numbing the Pain: Addiction as a Maladaptive Coping Mechanism

For Andrew, like many others, substances became a way to manage or, as he aptly put it, “murder” emotions. The comedy world, while offering an outlet for expression, can also be high-pressure and emotionally taxing. Alcohol and drugs provided a temporary escape from underlying feelings, creating a dangerous cycle of avoidance.

And yeah, I think they’re good at managing emotions or just straight up murdering them. Yes. Just numbing them out completely so that you don’t have to deal with them at all.

While substances offer immediate relief, they ultimately hinder the development of healthy coping skills. Instead of addressing the root causes of emotional distress, individuals become increasingly reliant on external substances, leading to a deterioration of mental health and overall well-being. Learning healthy coping mechanisms for stress, anxiety, and other difficult emotions is a crucial aspect of long-term recovery.

3. The Influence of Environment and Normative Behavior

The environment in which an individual operates can significantly impact their substance use. For Andrew, the comedy scene, often centered around bars and late-night shows, created a culture where drinking was the norm. This made it easier to rationalize his own increasing consumption, as his behavior seemed to align with those around him.

Yeah, it also combined with if that’s what everyone’s doing, if that’s the normative behavior, you know, the fact that you might be the worst, yeah, doesn’t resonate with you because, but this is what everyone’s doing on this spectrum of people, but everyone’s doing like you’re going too far. You’re like, I’m doing what you’re doing.

This phenomenon highlights the power of social norms and peer influence on substance use. When problematic behavior is normalized within a group, it can be challenging for individuals to recognize the need for change.

4. Hitting Rock Bottom: The Turning Point

For Andrew, the turning point wasn’t a singular dramatic event but rather a series of interventions by concerned friends. These interventions, both “soft” and “hard,” served as a wake-up call, forcing him to confront the reality of his escalating substance use and its impact on his life and career.

I was intervened upon, I got sat down twice and I saw neither of them coming, which to this day annoys me.

These interventions, while uncomfortable and stressful for everyone involved, ultimately provided the necessary catalyst for Andrew to consider seeking help. Recognizing the concern and pain of loved ones can be a powerful motivator for change in individuals struggling with addiction.

5. The Fork in the Road: Choosing Treatment

Faced with the stark reality presented by his friends, Andrew agreed to consider rehab. However, the initial shock of the cost – a staggering $25,000 – triggered an immediate resistance. This reaction highlights a significant barrier to treatment for many individuals: the financial burden.

I was like, okay, you know, I guess like I can go to rehab. Immediately my brain is like, okay, we’re not doing that. I’ll figure out a cheaper way. I’m just like, where do you think $25,000 is coming from? And then they’re like, well, we talked to your parents, and I was like, you talked to my parents!?

The involvement of his parents and their willingness to help ultimately paved the way for Andrew to access treatment. This underscores the crucial role that family support can play in the recovery process. Exploring different treatment options and understanding the associated costs is an important step for individuals seeking help.

Explore centers treating cocaine and alcohol addiction.

6. Navigating the World of Rehab: Finding the Right Fit

Andrew’s experience of researching rehab facilities highlights the diverse range of options available, from luxurious centers with amenities like equine therapy to more basic, bare-bones programs.

Ultimately, Andrew and his family opted for a more affordable program, which, despite its lack of extravagant amenities, provided the essential support and guidance he needed. His positive experience emphasizes that the quality of staff and the individual’s commitment to recovery are often more critical than the fanciness of the facility.

7. The Science of Sobriety: Rewiring the Brain

During his time in rehab, Andrew gained valuable insights into the neurological impact of his substance use. He learned about the potential formation of “neuro links” between alcohol and cocaine, where the consumption of one triggers cravings for the other. This understanding provided a scientific basis for the need to abstain from alcohol, at least in the initial stages of recovery.

One thing they explained to me in rehab… basically I think when you use alcohol and cocaine together frequently over a long period of time, it forms like a neural link in your brain. Or anytime you have alcohol, you will also crave cocaine.

Furthermore, the concept of drugs and alcohol as “mind-altering substances” took on a deeper meaning. Andrew realized that prolonged and consistent substance use literally changes the brain, leading to a disconnect from one’s authentic self. This realization was a powerful motivator for him to embrace sobriety and reclaim his true identity.

8. Embracing Feelings: Beyond Humor as a Coping Mechanism

For Andrew, humor had long served as a primary coping mechanism, a way to navigate and often deflect difficult emotions. Sobriety meant confronting feelings he had long suppressed, a process that was initially challenging and unfamiliar.

Learning to identify, understand, and process emotions in a healthy way is a crucial aspect of emotional regulation in recovery. Therapy, support groups, and mindfulness practices can help individuals develop these essential skills.

9. Facing Fear and Vulnerability in Sobriety

One of the significant emotions Andrew had masked with humor and substances was fear. Sobriety stripped away these defenses, forcing him to confront underlying anxieties, including the fear of not fulfilling his potential.

What’s very comfortable about drinking and using drugs is it’s also an excuse for not fulfilling your full potential…Now I have no reason not to be achieving, which is super scary.

This vulnerability, while initially uncomfortable, ultimately opened the door to genuine self-discovery and growth. Facing fears without the crutch of substances allows individuals to build resilience and develop a stronger sense of self-efficacy.

10. Returning to the Stage: Performing Sober

For a comedian whose career was intertwined with the bar scene, the prospect of performing sober was daunting. Andrew had rarely, if ever, taken the stage without at least a couple of drinks. He worried about his ability to be funny without the perceived “booze muse” and the judgment of his peers.

The idea of performing sober was super stressful. I don’t know if I had ever really done it since high school. Like I always had at least one or two beers in me. And the thing is, as I was, especially for a long time, I was reasonably functional as an addict. Like my career was progressing. I was writing good jokes. Things weren’t going badly.

His decision to be open about his sobriety with his colleagues and the supportive response he received created a safety net and reinforced his commitment to recovery. He soon discovered that his comedic talent wasn’t dependent on substances; in fact, he felt even better and funnier sober.

I feel better on stage than I ever have. Some of the funniest writing that I’ve done, if not the funniest writing has happened since then.

Andrew Barr’s story is a testament to the fact that recovery is possible, even amidst the challenges and temptations of a demanding career. His willingness to share his journey with humor and vulnerability offers hope and valuable insights for anyone struggling with addiction or supporting a loved one through the process. Remember, you are not alone, and healing often begins with sharing your story.