I’m Matt Glowiak, a loving father, husband, and man who was very fortunate to escape the clutches of addiction, which has been a common struggle for many loved ones as far back as I can remember and carries forward to this day. This is the story of how I narrowly escaped the clutches of addiction and built a life around helping others who struggle with mental health and addiction disorders.
Beginning My Story
Some of my earliest memories involve the mental health struggles my maternal grandmother faced. While I couldn’t make sense of them as a child, my earliest memories are polarized: either she was the funniest person in the room or the one who could become quite scary if she was in a bad mood. Regardless, I always knew I was loved. What I didn’t know, however, was what to expect each time we went over to visit. Would she welcome us with open arms, or would she slam the door and start screaming at us?
As I continued to age and mature, I started to recognize how others around her would respond. My grandfather was avoidant unless pushed to the point of confrontation. My mother would dissociate as though nothing happened. My oldest uncle would oftentimes act out in anger, screaming at her in front of everyone. My middle uncle would often show up in the most jovial mood I’ve ever seen of everyone to crash several minutes later, passed out on the floor. And my youngest uncle was the intellect who would attempt explaining to me what was happening, though I never really got it at that point. My grandmother never struggled with addiction, but her challenges ultimately led to some of her kin using to cope, with ultimately one of them dying before his time.
On my father’s side, get-togethers were more stable, though there were many riffs in the family—so much so that I would not meet many more family members until adulthood when I personally made the choice to reach out and connect with them. My earliest talk with my father about substance abuse was around Age 15 when he told me, “Matt, there’s a difference between a beer guy and a booze guy. Don’t be the booze guy.” I didn’t really know what that meant at the time, but as I gained more life experience in college, best believe I figured it out, and in reading between the lines as well as piecing stories together over the years, I learned that many members of my father’s family also struggled with significant mental health and substance use disorders.
Then came me … As an undergraduate student at what was heralded a top party school in the early 2000s, I began experimenting with alcohol and other substances. I had a close core group of friends who I cherished dearly; however, they continued pushing the boundaries we set with use, and one by one I saw many of them drop out of school, fail out, get arrested, enter rehab, and experience a plethora of otherwise undesirable consequences that I told myself I would never experience for myself. Easier said than done, however …
The Turning Point
Though I did not give it much thought at first, what ultimately came to scare me with my substance use during undergraduate was how much I loved the party life. Many times we were of the mentality that we would achieve a more euphoric state than the one prior. We were immortal in our early 20s, right? Of course that was wrong.
I remember the time when I first really thought about what I was experiencing with the withdrawal and cravings and how it was at a point of barely being within my control. I could outsmart addiction, right? Then, I recalled a time when I was 14 years old. I was a star student, athlete, and member of numerous extracurricular activities. I needed to have a procedure where the physician froze warts on my feet. Gross, right?
Well, what was even worse, which never connected until many years later, was how without even realizing what I was doing, I began abusing the liquid hydrocodone I was prescribed. Given my high tolerance for pain at the time but loving the way I felt, I skipped the morning dose and doubled down in the evening.
This reflection and connection I had in sophomore year of undergraduate led to me feeling even more depressed than I was, as I was also failing classes (a new experience for me) and grieving a break-up with my high school girlfriend who cheated on me. I thought it would help to distance myself from my primary group a bit, begin associating with those who abstained from use of any kind, and hoped a spiritual connection to Buddhism would be enough to save me. It helped a bit in that I did have some further distance from use and cleared my head a bit; however, I always knew where the fun was and returned to it every chance I could.
Climbing Toward Clarity
Fortunately, I wound up dating my best friend—who I had known since I was 11 and is now my wife—who, along with my other best friend, intervened with me my senior year. Best believe I was resistant at first and even did all I could to convince them to go out partying with me the same night. They held firm, stressed their point, and after that night, I never experimented with anything again. From there, I loosened the grip from the more potent substances but still found pleasure in drinking and smoking but with limits such as not using until the end of the day, during hazardous situations, et cetera as to minimize the risk of legal implications, overdose, or physical harm to self or others.
After a couple years out of undergrad and knowing that I wanted to do something with my psychology degree, I enrolled in a mental health counseling master’s program online. My intention was to ultimately open a private practice, which I one day did. Admittedly, though graduate school was a motivating factor, it was also stressful, especially atop a 10-hour a day job that I found soul wrenching. Throughout, I would convince myself that drinking and smoking minimized my stress while making me even more insightful. In a way, it worked. At the same time, it was the wrong type of enforcement for someone teetering on a diagnosable addiction disorder. Even here, I keep my concerns in the background, as in many ways, I was achieving all the success I desired.
As I tell my clients and students now, sometimes your life’s calling finds you instead of the other way around. My masters internship wound up being at a site where I counseling court-mandated clients who received DUIs and other drug violations. After, my first full-time job as a counselor was at a methadone clinic. THAT was my wake-up call. At both my internship and the methadone clinic, client after client would give me the same excuses I gave myself for at least the past decade. There, I realized for certain that I was nothing special. I was like anyone else struggling. Further, I had the genetic predisposition. Much of what led to my clients coming to see me, I possessed as well.
They say that while in recovery one should focus on themselves only for the first year. After a year of success, focus on a plant. The next year, focus on a pet. And if all else goes well, you are ready for healthy human relationships. For me, the accountability to others really kept me in check. Though still not perfect, my entire perception and behaviors when it came to substance use changed. I had to live a better example for others, which ultimately helped myself.
My Equilibrium and Closing Thoughts
As a youngster, I was raised with this negative view of addiction. While some of it came from my family as well as the church we attended, a lot of it came from the anti-drug campaigns they ran on TV. It appeared that most everyone addicted to drugs and alcohol was someone who didn’t care about theirself or others, had no regard for the law, and had no desire to stop. As someone who was mostly a straight-A student, in many prosocial activities, fairly popular, and from what I considered a healthy family dynamic (despite what I shared earlier); there was no way I could fall prey to addiction. Best believe, the only one I was outsmarting was myself.
Though I now have over a decade of experience as a clinician, professor, presenter, writer, advocate, and otherwise; I now know for certain that I am at risk. I hold firm boundaries, am open to constructive criticism, and continually remind myself that I am no different than anyone else struggling. The big difference is that I am fortunate to not only have woken up when I did but also having the positive support around me and now a career that keeps me accountable.
The key to recovery, whether you are one who has gone through treatment or not (like me), it must be on the forefront of your mind to make it work. That is the key to life—being resilience while learning from your mistakes. It is true that it is not so much of what we have done or have had happen to us in the past that defines us as it is what we choose to do or not do with it. In my case, I am choosing to continue pushing forward while building my life around loving and helping other people. That is unwavering.
Introduction to My Work and Passion for Mental Health
My work in mental health is quite diverse, as I love everything the field has to offer. I am a professor who teaches graduate level mental health and addiction counselors, a clinician who works with mental health and addictive disorders, a writer, a presenter, and perhaps most importantly, an advocate for prosocial change. While the path was not always linear, it seems as though the universe always had a way of guiding me in this direction. This is especially true when it comes to working with addictions. From my master’s internship, to the clients I worked with as a doctoral student, to my first full-time position in the field being a substance abuse counselor at a methadone clinic; the path found me.
Since graduating with my doctorate in counselor education and supervision as well as masters in mental health counseling, I have built my life around not only helping others but improving myself. I do believe this is my life’s calling, and my intention is to help everyone else I meet find and follow theirs. While I cannot say that doing what I love feels like I never work a day in my life, as you can best believe I work nonstop, I can say that I finish every day—even the tough ones—feeling fulfilled. If I can do it, I know others can, too.
Understanding the Stigma Around Addiction
While it is true that many people are focused on their health, a lesser spoken topic is mental health. Even lesser spoken is addiction. While there is so much stigma and misunderstanding around mental health, this is even more true with addiction. People are quick to personalize external challenges (e.g. institutionalized discrimination) while seeing personal flaws in individual hardship, the truth is that all of us go through challenges at one point or another in life.
Addiction is the disease that knows no boundaries. Any person from any demographic can fall prey to addiction at any point in life. I have seen this both personally and professionally. Doctors, lawyers, police officers, firefighters, civic leaders, moms, dads, uncles, aunts, friends, loved ones, trusted colleagues—literally anyone—can fall prey at any time. The misconceptions that surround addiction leave many viewing it as a moral deficit when it is well within one’s control, when the truth couldn’t be more opposite.
In the spirit of “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” there is so much more we need to be doing at a societal level to prevent addiction before it starts. A big part of the equation is speaking openly and honestly about the issue. Scare tactics and fabrications do the opposite, especially with our youth. When some uses and the only consequence is a good time, it immediately invalidates arguments aimed to discourage use. The truth is that, for many substances, they begin as an enjoyable experience for those who use, but for some who struggle to stop, the consequences become gravely catastrophic over time.
Lessons Learned from Addressing Addiction in My Career
A lot of the work that needs to be done to combat addiction, going well beyond typical treatment protocol, is what happens beyond the couch, so-to-speak. For example, while working at the methadone clinic, where my clients were all diagnosed with opioid use disorder (many with co-occurring disorders), there was a common theme. Most every client who wound up using heroin began doing so because of prescription painkillers going wrong. Many began taking them as prescribed at first, but over time, tolerance built while withdrawal set in, and they found themselves using in increasing amounts to the point where prescribed medications were no longer enough. At this point, they were hooked.
Legislation at the time would immediately pin the fault on individuals they deemed were “doctor shopping.” While, yes, many individuals struggling with addiction do this to get their fix, it is part of the symptomology of addiction. On the other hand, prescribing physicians have access to a prescription monitoring program in which they can see every prescription, filled and unfilled, for anyone coming to see them. Where is the physician’s responsibility in this? As a medical professional who is obligated to do right by their patients, many were doing the wrong things. Accordingly, my clinic and I would attend legislative advocacy events as well as writing letters until the physicians were also held accountable.
Another issue we have is where police officers inappropriately manage mental health calls. We see this in the news all the time, and I have experienced it in my work, where individuals with significant mental health disturbances are treated like criminals instead of mentally ill individuals who need treatment. The consequences have been devastating to the point where people have been injured or even killed while being in the middle of a crisis.
To combat this, having police social workers or counselors who can assist police officers with mental health calls can go a long way. In the community where I had my private practice, my partner and I joined local mental health coalitions where we would discuss ways to address the problem. Ultimately, the community ultimately received a $50,000 grant to pay a police social worker 1-year salary as a test-run. Fortunately, there was such a positive response that, moving forward, the position became a permanent one.
Sometimes the most seemingly complicated issues have the easiest solutions. You only know, though, by talking about it and seeing that talk into action. Many great things begin slowly but build over time. In many municipalities where physicians have become held accountable while police departments focus on mental health, we see neighboring communities ultimately follow suit. The only way to make it happen, though, is by acting. Counseling is much more than therapy but a philosophy that serves the human spirit.
Advocating for Change: Solutions Rooted in Experience
A key part of advocacy is empowering the voices that otherwise go unheard. It is true that we live in an unjust society where many people’s needs go unmet. Even worse is how we blame them for their circumstances. Rather, we need to recognize the realities of genetic predisposition, institutionalized oppression, intergenerational trauma, environmental stressors, and otherwise. When we take a moment to hear people’s stories, we can empathize.
Most often, we realize that those with the most undesirable of life circumstances are there because of the hand they were dealt. Even for those who, perhaps, continue making unhealthy decisions, there is a reason for it. Every person deserves a fair chance, and we have the opportunity and ability to give it to them.
Advocacy need not be a lofty thing in which all the world’s problems are resolved with the wave of a wand. Rather, it can begin with the simplest of actions. Having the conversation, writing a blog, educating yourself, asserting yourself to others, joining community activities, establishing your own organizations, volunteering time, and so much more are all steps in the right direction. Again, efforts continue to grow and build over time.
Reflections and Call to Action: Building a Better Future
It is important to recognize how sometimes the greatest things come out of the most challenging of situations. Sometimes, it requires something horrible to happen for people to take action. While it would be more desirable for that not to be the case, unfortunately, it is. Given that there is a lot warranting our attention in the world right now, rather than become angry, depressed, or remain stuck; take the first step toward doing something.
Most everyone, whether they realize it or not, has been touched by addiction. It may be a friend, loved one, colleague, neighbor, or otherwise. These are people we love who are worth our efforts. Take a moment to think … If you were the one in a bad situation, would you not want others to act? I think the answer is a resounding “yes.”
Currently, we are aware of what addiction is. It is a biopsychosocial disease. That is, it negatively impacts our physiology, thoughts and feelings, and interpersonal relationships. The disease is so invasive that simply stopping often feels as though one is struggling to fulfill their basic needs for survival. In some cases, it can be deadly. Rather than pass judgment, realize that no one ever wants to experience addiction. No matter how much I speak on the topic, I cannot stress this enough.
