Tag: Cocaine

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From the Streets to Sobriety: Deonte’s 7+ Ways to Find Purpose in Addiction Recovery

Life in the streets, for many, promises a path to wealth, respect, and a certain kind of freedom. Yet, as countless stories of struggle and redemption show, this path often leads to a different reality—one of addiction, incarceration, and a profound disconnection from one’s true self. This is a journey intimately understood by Deonte, a man whose life was defined by the street hustle until a series of humbling events forced him to confront his truth. In a powerful conversation on the Giving Voice to Addiction podcast, Deonte shares his raw, unfiltered story of moving from a life of crime and substance abuse to one of purpose, authenticity, and leadership within the recovery community. His journey is a testament to the idea that you are more than your mistakes, and it offers a blueprint for anyone seeking to reclaim their life from the shadows of their past.

The common misconception is that a past filled with misdeeds and addiction disqualifies a person from a meaningful future. Deonte challenges this notion head-on, proving that the same experiences that once held him captive are now the foundation of his advocacy. He’s transformed his past from a source of shame into a source of strength, inspiring others to do the same. His story is not just about overcoming addiction; it’s about a complete lifestyle reform, moving from a criminal mindset to a purpose-driven life. Through his narrative, we’ll explore how his lowest moments became the catalysts for his greatest transformation, and how his unwavering commitment to his authentic self has paved the way for a powerful new purpose.

1. Reforming Your Lifestyle is the First Step

When Deonte talks about his recovery, he doesn’t just mention overcoming opiate addiction; he speaks of “lifestyle reform.” This distinction is crucial. For him, the drug use was a symptom of a larger problem—the chaotic, draining, and criminal lifestyle of the streets. He explains, “The lifestyle that we’re exposed to, it plays a huge part in feeding… substance use, chemical dependency.” The constant hustle of selling drugs, the violence of gang life, and the need to always be on guard spiritually and emotionally drained him. This lifestyle, while offering a false sense of freedom and control, actually took him away from his family and community, chipping away at his authentic identity.

The environment we inhabit and the choices we make within it have a profound impact on our well-being. For Deonte, the criminal environment not only fueled his addiction but also distorted his sense of self. He found himself making choices that were “probably not true to [his] authentic self,” and this internal conflict left him feeling exhausted and hollow. His recovery, therefore, wasn’t just about quitting drugs; it was about completely overhauling his life—changing his environment, his relationships, and his mindset. This holistic approach is often the key to lasting recovery.

2. The Link Between Trauma, Grief, and Addiction

Deonte’s drug use escalated dramatically after a devastating personal loss—the death of his brother while he was in prison. This tragedy, combined with the lack of support he expected upon his release, left him vulnerable and seeking a way to numb his pain. He found himself “really just trying to shield the pain of my brother passing.” This highlights a critical, often-overlooked aspect of addiction: its deep connection to trauma and unresolved grief.

Upon his release from prison, Deonte was met with competition instead of the brotherhood he had anticipated. The absence of his brother, who was meant to be his support system, created a void he desperately tried to fill. He describes how the addiction began to “catch on and just get worse and worse and just… trying to deal and cope with that.” This is a common pattern; without healthy coping mechanisms, individuals facing intense emotional pain may turn to substances to escape or suppress their feelings. The lack of accountability he experienced after cutting off his supportive friends further enabled his spiraling use, demonstrating the importance of a strong, healthy support network in navigating grief and recovery.

Explore treatment options for grief and trauma.

3. The Illusion of Control: From Dealer to User

Deonte’s story takes a compelling turn as he describes his transition from a drug dealer to an addict. For him, selling drugs was about “the idea, let’s get rich… get a certain number and then get out the game.” This is a classic example of the illusion of control—the belief that one can engage in a dangerous activity without succumbing to its pitfalls. He never intended to become a user, but as his circumstances changed and his emotional pain grew, he became vulnerable. As he eloquently states, “money is really what fed it.” With access to money and drugs, the lines between business and personal use blurred.

“I was actually, I had intentions on being, you know, a big mech, you know, or just trying to get, a certain number and then get out the game. It never goes that way, you know, it is, it is never enough. Or you get to that number and then it’s more.”

This slippery slope is a powerful warning. The false sense of security that comes with having money and access can quickly lead to an amplified use. What began as a taste of Percocets in prison evolved into a full-blown dependency on heroin after his finances and emotional state took a hit. His descent from a respected dealer to a desperate user looking around his room to see what he could sell was his rock bottom. It was a humbling experience that forced him to confront the truth of his situation.

See heroin treatment centers.

4. Hitting Rock Bottom and the Call for Change

Deonte’s lowest point wasn’t a dramatic overdose or a violent confrontation; it was the quiet, humiliating moment he stood in his room, contemplating what he could sell to get his next fix. He reflects, “I had all this access, all these connections, to now I’m somebody looking around they room like, what could I sell? That’s when I knew like, this is, this is my rock bottom.” This moment of profound vulnerability was a turning point. It stripped away his ego and forced him to see himself for what he had become—the very person he used to look down on.

This rock bottom experience led him to seek help through medicated assisted treatment (MAT), specifically Suboxone. He describes MAT as what “helped me… address it and really start to like, get a plan and be able to manage it.” Medicated assisted treatment, which combines medication with counseling and behavioral therapies, has been proven to be highly effective in treating opioid use disorder and reducing the risk of overdose. This was a crucial first step, but his journey was not linear. Like many in recovery, he experienced relapses, but each slip-up taught him something new. It wasn’t until a second incarceration—which he calls “the best thing that ever happened to [him]”—that he found true, lasting sobriety.

5. Finding Path, Plan, and Purpose

Deonte’s final incarceration was the moment God “sat him down,” as he puts it. It was a bizarre twist of fate—being set up by an acquaintance over a stolen car he didn’t even know was stolen—that landed him back in prison. He could have been bitter, but instead, he saw it as an intervention. It was in this moment that he found his path, plan, and purpose. The motivation to change was multifaceted: the birth of his second daughter, his mother’s plea, and the realization that he was tired of being part of a cycle of loss and violence.

“I was just looking around like, I’m tired of being a part of this. I’m tired of what this done did to me and my people. And I think that’s really just, it sparked something in me to take action.”

This newfound purpose became his driving force. He decided to become the one to “narrate this story,” taking his past and turning it into a tool for change. His path is now advocating for others, speaking out about his experiences, and getting involved in community organizations. This act of service not only helps others but also reinforces his own recovery. The sense of purpose and the opportunity to give back fills the void that drugs and the streets once occupied.

6. The Power of Community and Shared Experience

One of the most powerful messages Deonte offers is the importance of surrounding yourself with people who are on a similar path. He tells people who feel “too far gone” to “get around recovery, people get around success stories, feel it, touch it, you know, get involved.” He emphasizes that while everyone’s journey is different, seeing someone who has walked a similar path and succeeded can provide the spark of hope needed to start.

As a peer provider, Deonte works with incarcerated individuals, sharing his story and showing them that recovery is possible. His visibility—on podcasts, on the news, even on billboards—is a powerful tool for hope. When they see a person who is “similar to me… being accepted and celebrated,” it challenges the stigma and encourages them to believe in their own potential for change. This sense of belonging and shared experience is a cornerstone of effective recovery. A meta-analysis published in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment confirmed that peer support services are effective in improving substance use outcomes.

7. The Liberation of Living Your Authentic Self

For Deonte, the ultimate reward of recovery is authenticity. He describes his former self as a “lost, confused, broken man,” but the man he is today is “purpose driven” and “liberated.” He explains that his street identity was something he “built… because I thought that I had to be this guy.” In reality, his authentic self was the person who loved riding horses with his grandfather.

“the man in front of you is somebody who’s took accountability. Also not perfect by any means, just open and transparent about that, but also making that real effort and and you know, just taking that initiative really be that change that I wanna see in the world.”

This liberation from a false identity is the true essence of his recovery. He’s no longer operating in “fear, shame, and guilt.” By embracing his past, taking accountability, and openly sharing his story, he has found a freedom that the streets could never offer. His journey serves as a beacon for anyone who feels trapped by their past, demonstrating that the truest form of freedom comes from within, through the courageous act of self-reclamation.

Conclusion: A New Blueprint for Life

Deonte’s story is a compelling narrative of transformation. He moved from a life of fleeting, false freedom to one of enduring, authentic liberation. His path was not easy or linear, marked by setbacks and moments of despair, but each challenge became a catalyst for growth. He learned that a criminal lifestyle is not a life at all, but a constant state of spiritual and emotional exhaustion. He discovered that true strength lies not in the ego of the streets, but in the vulnerability of admitting you need help.

His experience offers a new blueprint for those struggling with addiction and a criminal past. It starts with recognizing the need for a lifestyle reform, acknowledging the deep roots of trauma and grief, and understanding that the illusion of control is a dangerous trap. The path to recovery is paved with community, peer support, and the courage to live an authentic, purpose-driven life. Deonte’s message is a powerful one: you are more than your mistakes, and your story has the power to not only change your life but to inspire others to find their own path to freedom.

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Addiction Recovery: Mariah’s 6 Ways Finding Help Can Transform Your Self-Worth

For many people, the journey into addiction begins with a promise—a promise of escape, a release from pain, or a momentary thrill. Yet, as the years go by, that promise fades, leaving behind a life that feels broken and lost. This was the reality for Mariah, whose path through drug and alcohol addiction led her to a pivotal moment of decision. Her story is a powerful reminder that while addiction can be a deeply isolating experience, the path to recovery is paved with connection, compassion, and the life-changing realization that you are worthy of a better life.

Before seeking help, Mariah described her life as “very broken, lost, and very painful.” Her experience is a common one, as substance use disorders often create a cycle of self-sabotage and despair that can leave a person feeling completely shattered. The initial excitement of drug use gives way to a grim and relentless need, and the individual can find themselves trapped in a state of emotional and physical turmoil. This constant struggle becomes an all-encompassing reality, making it difficult to imagine a life free from the cycle of addiction.

1. The Point of No Return: When the High Fades

There comes a point in active addiction when the substance no longer provides the desired effect. The chase becomes a desperate obligation, and the fleeting moments of escape are replaced by an unyielding sense of emptiness and pain. This is often the moment of clarity, the “rock bottom,” where the illusion of control shatters and the individual realizes they are completely powerless. For Mariah, this moment was marked by a chilling realization that her addiction had stopped serving its original purpose.

“I knew it was time for me to go to treatment when the drugs no longer served me as they used to,” she explains. “I no longer got the same high, got the same excitement. I was just broken. My life was in shambles and I needed help.”

This sentiment is shared by many who enter recovery. The initial euphoria is replaced by a crippling tolerance, forcing the individual to use more just to feel “normal.” The drugs no longer provide the same excitement; instead, they are a desperate attempt to stave off the crushing pain of withdrawal and the profound emptiness that addiction creates. This realization is often the catalyst for seeking help, as the pain of staying the same finally outweighs the fear of change. It signifies a turning point from a life of active substance use to a search for true healing.

2. Overcoming Fear and Stigma

For someone contemplating treatment, the decision to seek help is often met with a wave of fear and uncertainty. The stigma surrounding addiction can make a person feel like a failure, a burden, or “just another number.” Society often portrays people with substance use disorders in a dehumanizing way, which can lead to a powerful fear of being judged or misunderstood. Mariah experienced this firsthand when she first considered treatment.

“When I was going into treatment, I expected to just be treated as another number, just like another drug addict coming off the streets,” she recalls. This fear is a major barrier to seeking help for many people. They anticipate a cold, sterile environment where they will be reduced to a diagnosis rather than treated as a human being in need of care. However, modern, evidence-based treatment centers are designed to challenge these fears by providing a compassionate and person-centered approach. Instead of being just another number, individuals are met with a team of professionals who understand the complexities of addiction and are dedicated to providing personalized care.

3. The Power of a Supportive Environment

The environment in which recovery takes place is crucial to a person’s success. An environment of support and genuine care can completely change a person’s mindset and ability to heal. In treatment, a person is given the opportunity to feel safe and seen for the first time in a long time. They are surrounded by people who understand their struggles and professionals who are trained to help them navigate the complexities of their addiction. Mariah’s experience highlights the profound impact of this type of setting.

“The environment was super supportive, full of love, and just full of people that really wanted to help me genuinely and really wanted the best for me and my life,” she says.

This kind of environment is foundational to the recovery process. It allows an individual to let their guard down and begin to address the underlying issues that fuel their addiction, such as trauma, mental health conditions, and self-esteem issues. The group therapy sessions and one-on-one counseling provide a space for vulnerability and honesty, where a person can share their story without fear of judgment. This sense of community and unconditional support is a powerful antidote to the isolation that addiction fosters. In a supportive environment, people in recovery learn that they are not alone and that their struggles are valid. For more information on what to expect from a quality treatment program, you can explore this guide to addiction treatment centers.

4. The Revelation: Deserving a Better Life

Perhaps the most significant and transformative aspect of Mariah’s journey was the realization that she deserved a better life. Addiction often operates on a foundation of low self-worth. People with substance use disorders frequently feel unworthy of happiness, love, or success, and they may use drugs or alcohol as a form of self-punishment or self-sabotage. Treatment, therefore, is not just about abstaining from substances; it’s about rebuilding a person’s core sense of self and instilling the belief that they are worthy of a fulfilling life.

This was the pivotal lesson that stuck with Mariah. “The one thing that has stuck to me from my experience at Simonds is that I don’t have to live the life I was living anymore,” she shares. “I learned that I truly deserve a better life, and I deserve a lot more. But most of all, that I don’t have to be treated the way I was treating myself. I began my self-love journey.”

This profound shift from a mindset of punishment to one of self-love is the cornerstone of lasting recovery. By learning to treat themselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, individuals in recovery can break the cycle of self-hatred that often fuels their addiction. This revelation is not just a passing thought; it’s a fundamental change in how a person views themselves and their potential. It’s the first step in creating a new identity, one that is not defined by their addiction but by their resilience and their capacity for growth. To read more about how to develop a healthier relationship with yourself, you can explore resources on coping skills for anxiety and addiction.

5. Conscious Choices and a New Reality

Recovery is not a single event; it’s a continuous, daily process of making conscious choices. Once a person has had the revelation that they deserve a better life, they must then learn to practice the skills that will build that life. The self-destructive habits of addiction must be replaced with new, positive behaviors that reinforce self-worth and well-being. This is where the hard work of recovery begins, and it’s a process Mariah has embraced.

“I now live a much better life. I have practiced self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-love as I said. I no longer feel the need to punish myself or self-sabotage,” she says. “Instead, I try my best to make the right choices consciously every day and build my life up the best I can.”

The shift from self-sabotage to conscious, deliberate choice is a monumental change. For someone in active addiction, choices are often dictated by the need for the substance, leading to a life of broken promises and unfulfilled potential. In recovery, a person learns to pause, reflect, and make decisions that align with their new goals and values. This might mean choosing to attend a 12-step meeting instead of isolating, seeking professional help for mental health, or simply engaging in a hobby that brings joy. These small, daily choices add up to a new reality—a life built on a foundation of self-respect and intentionality.

6. The First Step: Believing You’re Worth It

Mariah’s story is a testament to the power of one person’s decision to change their life. Her journey from being lost and broken to living a life filled with self-love is a powerful beacon of hope for anyone struggling with addiction. While the initial fear of treatment may be overwhelming, her advice is simple yet profound.

“If you are considering treatment, the best advice I can give you is just give it a shot. Give yourself a shot,” she urges. “We all deserve a much better life than we’ve been living in our addiction. If you’re considering treatment, it must mean your life was somewhat like mine, broken maybe, maybe lost, maybe even in shambles. Going to treatment, it can really change your mindset and you deserve it.”

This is the central message of Mariah’s journey: you deserve it. You deserve to heal, to find peace, and to build a life that is fulfilling and free from the chains of addiction. The decision to enter treatment is not a sign of weakness; it is an act of incredible strength and a declaration that you believe in your own potential. To take the first step towards recovery, exploring different treatment options can be a great place to start.

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Coping with Childhood Trauma: 8 Ways to Overcome Alcohol Addiction and Anxiety with Kori Leigh

Life isn’t happening to you; it’s just happening. This profound realization, shared by Kori Leigh, a writer, recovery mentor, and host of The Kori Leigh Show podcast, is a cornerstone of her recovery journey. She challenges the common notion that life’s hardships are a personal attack, instead reframing them as neutral events to be navigated. In a powerful conversation on Recoverycast, Kori shared her story of navigating profound childhood trauma, a destructive battle with addiction, and the eventual surrender that led to a life of purpose and faith.

Before she reached sobriety in 2016, Kori’s life was a maelstrom of rage, self-hatred, and chaotic substance use, all stemming from a traumatic childhood. Her narrative isn’t just about overcoming addiction; it’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of a 12-step recovery program. Kori’s story is a raw and honest look at how unresolved trauma can fuel addiction and how the painful process of facing one’s past is the only way to build a future worth living.

1. Childhood Trauma as a Catalyst

From a young age, Kori’s world was marked by loss and emotional turmoil. Her older brother died from a heart condition when she was an infant, and her father passed away from a brain aneurysm when she was six years old. The trauma of losing her father, a man she adored, left a deep, indelible mark on her psyche. As a child, she struggled to comprehend the arbitrary nature of his death and developed a deep-seated hatred for God and a profound distrust of life itself.

“I hated God for taking my dad,” Kori shared. This anger became her primary coping mechanism, manifesting as rage, resentment, and a feeling of being abandoned by the very fabric of existence. This early trauma set the stage for a lifetime of seeking escape, a pattern that would later lead her down the path of addiction. The sudden, unexplained loss shattered her sense of safety and made her feel like a “puppy that had fallen off the back of the truck,” left to fend for herself in a world that seemed inherently hostile.

See trauma treatment centers.

2. The Illusion of Control: The “Perfect” Double Life

Throughout her addiction, Kori maintained a facade of success and normalcy. She was a personal trainer, a marathon runner, and an author. She built a life that, from the outside, appeared to be thriving. This is a classic hallmark of high-functioning addiction—the ability to hide the chaos and destruction behind a veneer of accomplishment. For Kori, her athletic achievements and professional success were not sources of pride but rather tools for denial.

“No one can tell with me,” she stated, reflecting on her ability to mask her struggles. She believed that her outward success was proof that she didn’t have a problem, an idea that many people with substance use disorders cling to. This double life was a way to manage the intense shame and self-hatred that festered beneath the surface. It was a vicious cycle of self-harm, emotional chaos, and intense self-criticism.

This dual existence is a common theme in the lives of high-functioning addicts. They often excel in their careers, maintain social relationships, and engage in physically demanding activities, all while battling a severe addiction in secret. The shame and fear of exposure drive them to work even harder to maintain the illusion of control, making it incredibly difficult for loved ones to recognize the problem. The facade crumbles only when the addiction becomes so severe that it can no longer be hidden.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment centers.

3. The Onset of Addiction: “I Was a Blackout Party Girl”

Kori’s substance use began in her teens, but it didn’t escalate into full-blown addiction until her mid-twenties. Her drug of choice wasn’t a daily habit but a weekend-long bender, a pattern of “blackout party girl” drinking that she believed absolved her of having a problem.

“I always thought an addict, an alcoholic was like daily. They drank in the morning, they drank like warm, cheap beer under a bridge,” Kori explained, highlighting a common misconception about alcoholism. “I was like a blackout party girl on the weekend, but my weekend was like Thursday to Sunday.”

This pattern of binge drinking, despite not being a daily habit, is a dangerous form of addiction that can cause significant physical and mental health issues. It’s a form of high-risk drinking that can lead to alcohol poisoning, accidents, and a host of long-term health problems.

Kori’s story is a powerful reminder that addiction doesn’t always fit the stereotypical mold. It can be a series of blackouts, a cycle of shame and denial, and a desperate attempt to escape from an inner world of pain and self-loathing. The chaotic lifestyle, losing her car, and the constant fear of what she had done the night before became her new normal.

4. The Rock Bottom: A Spiritual Breaking Point

The path to recovery often begins with a moment of profound crisis, a “rock bottom” where the illusion of control shatters completely. For Kori, this moment was not a single event but a slow, agonizing slide into a level of darkness she could no longer ignore. After a series of destructive relationships fueled by substance use, she found herself in a place of extreme anxiety, depression, and self-harm.

She had a moment of clarity while sitting in a bathtub, fully clothed and without water, where she swore off God. She believes this moment opened a “portal of darkness” that led to a period of severe spiritual and emotional turmoil.

The final descent into recovery came after a period of self-harm and insomnia. She decided to do a “cleanse” from alcohol, a final attempt to regain control. After a brief period of sobriety, she tried to reintroduce alcohol into her life, only to find the darkness returning with a vengeance. She had hit her breaking point.

5. Surrender and the Daily Practice of Recovery

The journey to recovery for Kori was a painful process of surrender. It wasn’t just about giving up alcohol but about surrendering the false narrative she had lived by for so long. She had to face the difficult truth that her life was unmanageable and that she was powerless over her addiction. This admission, she says, was the first step toward true freedom.

She emphasizes that recovery is not a one-time event but a daily practice. It’s about “playing the tape through,” considering the long-term consequences of her actions instead of seeking instant gratification. This is a core principle of 12-step programs, which emphasize the importance of making amends, seeking a spiritual connection, and helping others. For Kori, this meant embracing a life of purpose and faith after a lifetime of feeling disconnected.

“The flip side of recovery is so good,” Kori said, challenging the common misconception that sobriety is a “killjoy” of all fun. “It’s not just a bit better; it’s an entirely different existence.”

Her story is a powerful testament to the idea that recovery is not just about abstaining from a substance but about building a new life, one of meaning, purpose, and genuine connection.

6. The Long Road to Healing: Shame and Forgiveness

Even after achieving sobriety, Kori had to confront the immense shame she carried from her past. The memories of her blackout nights, the lost car, and the destructive behaviors were not erased by her new way of life. She had to work through the shame and forgive herself for the person she was.

“There’s a lot of shame,” Kori admitted. “I’m not gonna come out and tell people…my best-laid plan is like, oh, I’ll kill myself if this doesn’t work out.”

The shame associated with addiction can be a major barrier to seeking help and maintaining recovery. It keeps individuals isolated and unable to share their struggles. For Kori, it took years of therapy and recovery work to process the shame and understand that her destructive behavior was a symptom of a deeper problem.

The journey to self-forgiveness is an essential part of the recovery process. It involves acknowledging the past without judgment and accepting that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing.

7. The Role of Faith and a Higher Power

A central theme in Kori’s story is her evolving relationship with a higher power. After years of hating God for the trauma she endured, she found a spiritual connection through recovery. She had to learn to trust again, not just herself but a force greater than her own will.

“I hated God, and I didn’t trust God,” she said, recounting her childhood rage. However, when she was at her lowest point, she “prayed to a God that I didn’t believe in,” which led her to a therapist and, eventually, the path of recovery.

This spiritual journey is a core component of many recovery programs. It’s not about embracing a specific religion but about finding a power greater than oneself to help overcome addiction. For Kori, this meant learning that life is not happening to her but is a neutral experience that she can navigate with faith and trust.

8. A New Purpose: Helping Others in Recovery

Today, Kori uses her story and her platform to help others. As a writer, recovery mentor, and podcast host, she shares her experiences to inspire hope and show others that a life in recovery is not only possible but incredibly fulfilling. Her podcast, The Kori Leigh Show, is a space where she continues to explore the themes of healing, faith, and purpose.

The act of helping others is a powerful tool for maintaining recovery. It allows individuals to turn their past pain into a source of strength and meaning. It’s a way of making amends for the past and contributing to the well-being of others.

The journey from a “blackout party girl” to a recovery advocate is a testament to the transformative power of a 12-step program and the courage to face one’s deepest fears. Kori’s story is a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with addiction, proving that a life of chaos can be replaced with one of grace, purpose, and genuine connection.

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Cocaine Addiction Recovery: 9 Lessons from Eli’s Personal Journey

Addiction often feels like an impossible maze with no way out. The statistics can be staggering, but behind every number is a human story of struggle, loss, and, sometimes, an incredible journey toward hope. In a powerful episode of the Giving Voice to Addiction podcast, Eli bravely shares his personal 13-year battle with a severe cocaine addiction.

This article, inspired by his raw and honest account, delves into the powerful lessons he learned after losing everything—his job, his relationship, and his sense of self. It is a testament to the fact that while recovery is far from easy, a life of connection and authenticity is not only possible but infinitely more fulfilling.

1. The First Step: Acknowledging a Problem that Feels Like a Solution

Eli’s journey into addiction began like many others—with what seemed like a casual, recreational choice. He was no stranger to drug use, but when he tried cocaine for the first time, he knew it was different. “When I did cocaine for the first time,” he says, “I knew that that was the one that I was gonna stick with.”

What started as a weekend activity at parties quickly escalated. As he found his own dealer and access became easy, the line between casual use and full-blown addiction blurred. Over time, Eli spiraled into a daily habit of using two to three grams of cocaine. The final years were particularly dark. He became malnourished, went days without sleep, and experienced psychosis and hallucinations.

For many people, the first step toward recovery is admitting there’s a problem. For Eli, it wasn’t that simple. His addiction had become so ingrained that it felt like a part of his identity. He had to reach a point where he realized his life was in imminent danger. “It took me realizing that I was gonna die to finally allow myself to seek help,” he explains. The willingness to accept death over recovery is a testament to the powerful, insidious nature of addiction. It’s a point where the substance isn’t just a habit; it’s a warped sense of identity and security.

Treatment options for cocaine addiction.

2. The Illusion of a “Sneaky” Addiction

Eli describes himself as a “sneaky drug addict,” a phrase many in active addiction use to justify their behavior and believe they are still in control. For a while, he managed to hold on to his job, his relationships, and his home. But as the addiction progressed, the facade began to crumble. He lost his relationships, was fired from his job, and was on the verge of being evicted. “It all came crashing down,” he reflects. “I had nothing left.”

This crash, while devastating, became a critical turning point. It forced him to confront the reality that he could no longer maintain the illusion of control. He was so deep into the lifestyle of addiction that the thought of giving it up was terrifying. He was addicted not just to the drug itself, but to the entire lifestyle that came with it—the rush of breaking the law, the preparation, and the pursuit. As he aptly puts it, “Quitting is losing your best friend.” The idea of living without this “friend,” which had been a constant companion for 13 years, was “strangely heartbreaking.”

3. The Surrender: A Crucial Shift from “Going” to “Surrendering”

The decision to seek treatment wasn’t an easy one for Eli. Despite losing everything, he was still hesitant. Death seemed like an easier option than recovery because he couldn’t imagine a different way of life. He describes a powerful moment that finally shook him from his denial: his mother came into his apartment and threw a bag of Narcan at him, saying, “Hopefully you won’t die.”

This moment of stark reality, combined with the loss of his job and home, pushed him to commit to a residential treatment program. He was given little time to change his mind—just 10 days before he could be admitted. This quick turnaround was a “blessing,” as any more time would have likely led to a change of heart.

Eli uses the term “surrendering” instead of “going” to treatment, and this distinction is profound. Surrendering, he explains, means you have to be willing to change your entire life. It’s not just about stopping drug use; it’s about digging deep to find the root causes of the addiction. It means letting go of the false beliefs that fueled the addiction, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve better.”

This act of surrender requires a level of vulnerability that is often foreign to people with addiction. “You have to allow yourself to be completely vulnerable,” he says. “You have to take advice. That’s something that addicts don’t do. We don’t listen to anybody but ourselves because there’s no reason to.”

4. A Life Coach and the Power of Connection

A pivotal moment in Eli’s journey was meeting a life coach and peer support specialist named Roger, two days before he was scheduled to enter treatment. Eli was skeptical that anyone could change his life, but Roger challenged him from the start.

Eli had been telling himself, “I don’t want to be a drug addict.” Roger responded with a simple, but profound truth: “Eli, you are a drug addict. You always will be a drug addict, but you can change and you can live a life of recovery.” This statement was a paradigm shift for Eli. He had always believed his only options were to be an addict or to be a miserable, sober person who was “white-knuckling” his way through life.

However, seeing Roger, who shared intimate details of his own recovery journey, provided a powerful visual of what a recovered life could look like. It wasn’t just about survival; it was about thriving. This personal connection showed Eli that a life filled with emotional and spiritual connection was possible.

5. The Power of Routine and Structure in Recovery

Eli’s experience in residential treatment taught him the importance of structure and routine. He found the repetitious nature of the program, such as daily check-in sheets, to be surprisingly effective. At first, it seemed tedious, but he soon realized that this routine was training him for life outside of the facility.

“That repetition and the structure… that was gearing me for the real world,” he says. This daily discipline, even in small tasks like making his bed or taking a shower, helped him build a foundation for a productive life. Idle time, he learned, can be a major trigger for relapse. By keeping himself busy and engaged, he could prevent his thoughts from spiraling back into old, destructive patterns. A structured approach to recovery is often a key component of successful treatment programs.

6. From Sobriety to True Recovery

A key lesson Eli learned is the difference between sobriety and recovery. Sobriety is simply not using. Recovery, on the other hand, is an ongoing process of self-improvement and growth. “Sobriety is being, you know, you’re not using, recovering is using the tools that you have gained to make yourself a better person,” he explains.

Recovery requires a deep dive into the root causes of addiction. Eli calls drugs and alcohol “the solution,” not the problem. They were his way of coping with underlying issues, such as past trauma or feelings of inadequacy. True recovery involves finding new, healthy solutions to take their place. For him, this was about connection. Once he stopped isolating himself and began to connect with others—family, old friends, and new people—his recovery truly took off.

7. Embracing the New Self and the Tangible Power of a Better Life

For a long time, Eli was not living for himself; he was living for his addiction. He was a manipulative, hard-shelled person who would push people away. Today, he is a different person entirely. He can look people in the eye, feel vulnerable, and genuinely connect with others. He is now living for the ability to be in his family’s lives and to form honest relationships.

Eli highlights a powerful truth about recovery: the joy and fulfillment of a sober life far outweigh the fleeting, manipulative power of active addiction. He describes the power of a sober life as “not tangible, but you can feel it.” This power is not about control over others; it’s about giving power to others by allowing them into your life. The power of a destructive lifestyle is a one-sided, fleeting feeling, but the power of recovery is a shared, lasting connection that he wouldn’t trade for anything.

8. The Unforgettable Reality: “It Never Loved Me Back”

One of the most poignant moments in the podcast is when Eli talks about his complex relationship with cocaine. He loved it, but he knows “it never loved me back.” He compares it to a one-sided relationship. The drug was always there for him, a constant presence for 13 years, but it was a destructive force that took everything from him.

This profound realization—that his addiction was a love affair with something that would only ever hurt him—is a powerful insight. While the memory of the high never truly leaves him, he now has the tools to understand that it is not what he wants or needs. Difficult times still happen, but they are now manageable because he has learned how to cope without his destructive “solution.”

9. Hope and the Path Forward

In just six months, Eli has made more personal progress than he did in 13 years of active addiction. He is now facing a new challenge—leaving town for a job, which will test his newfound independence and the strength of his recovery. He looks forward to coming back and celebrating nine months of sobriety, a testament to his dedication and hard work.

Eli’s story is a message of profound hope. He wants people to know that recovery is possible, even when death seems easier. He reminds us that while we may have done bad things, we are not bad people; we are often just lost.

Eli’s journey shows us that finding a new path is about surrendering, embracing vulnerability, and, most importantly, building genuine connections with the people and the world around you.

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How Zac Clark Found Addiction Recovery: 7 Lessons from a Journey of Hope

In the landscape of addiction and recovery, few stories resonate with as much raw honesty and hope as that of Zac Clark. Known as a mental health advocate, entrepreneur, and the founder of Release Recovery, Clark’s journey from struggling with substance use to becoming a beacon of purpose-driven leadership is a powerful reminder that recovery is possible.

His story, shared on the Recoverycast podcast with host Brittani Baynard, delves into the complexities of childhood, the insidious nature of addiction, and the resilience required to build a new life. As Clark himself states, “I think when I tell my story, what I want to give people is permission to ask for help and permission to be curious about the way they’re living and if there’s an easier, softer way to live.” This permission, he believes, is where “miracles start to happen.”

At its core, Clark’s narrative is a testament to the idea that recovery isn’t just about sobriety; it’s about rebuilding a life from the ground up, one day at a time. It’s a message that extends beyond the confines of substance use, reaching anyone grappling with a struggle and searching for a way forward.

1. A Childhood of Unnoticed Traumas

Growing up, Clark’s childhood appeared idyllic—the classic “white picket fence” scenario. He describes a loving family and a supportive environment, yet as he reflects on his past, he uncovers a more nuanced reality. His perspective is shaped by a deeper understanding of trauma, which he defines as “something that happened to you that shouldn’t have, or something that hasn’t happened to you that should have.” While he didn’t experience overt abuse or neglect, he began to recognize the subtle patterns that shaped his adult behaviors.

Specifically, he noticed how his parents’ dedication—his father working tirelessly and his mother always putting herself last—influenced him. He adopted his mother’s self-sacrificing nature, often running around “trying to help everyone in the room and forget[ting] about myself,” a behavior that eventually led to his own exhaustion and burnout. These early experiences, though seemingly benign at the time, laid the groundwork for a pattern of seeking external validation and neglecting his own needs, a common thread in many addiction stories.

Explore trauma treatment centers.

2. The Unseen Seeds of Addiction

Clark’s journey with substances didn’t begin with a dramatic rock-bottom moment. Instead, it started subtly, with behaviors that provided a small hit of dopamine. He recalls playing video games for hours or practicing basketball until he made a certain number of shots, chasing that feel-good sensation. These were not considered dangerous behaviors, but they were early signs of a brain wired to seek external rewards.

His first experience with alcohol in seventh or eighth grade wasn’t a wild, blackout moment. It was much more insidious. He had a few drinks, went home, and lied to his parents about what he was doing. The lie, and getting away with it, gave him a sense of control and a blueprint for future behavior. “For the next 15 years,” he explains, “I knew that I could manipulate and lie [about] certain situations [to] the people closest to me.” This pattern of deception became as central to his addiction as the substances themselves, highlighting a key aspect of addiction that often goes unaddressed: the manipulation and secrecy that isolate the individual from their support system.

3. A Life-Altering Diagnosis: The Brain Tumor

A pivotal moment in Clark’s story occurred in 2007 when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Despite his family’s concerns that his symptoms were a result of his drinking, he had an intuition that something more was wrong. The diagnosis and subsequent emergency surgery at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital were sudden and traumatic. However, instead of serving as a wake-up call, the experience became a new gateway for addiction.

Following the surgery, he was prescribed Dilaudid and morphine to manage the intense pain. As he recovered, he realized with chilling clarity that his first thought was not about his health or the new lease on life he had been given, but about getting out of the hospital so he could drink again. This moment was his first realization that he had a substance use issue, as he was physically separated from alcohol for the first time.

The pain medication, combined with his existing predisposition, cemented a new path for his addiction. He found himself telling himself, as many people do, that he needed the pills to function, even after the initial physical pain had subsided, a sentiment echoed in many stories of the opioid crisis.

Explore prescription pill addiction treatment options.

4. From Prescription Pills to Heroin: The Progression of Addiction

After his prescribed painkillers ran out, Clark’s self-deception continued. He began buying pills illegally, a sign that the addiction had taken hold. He was a “walking science project,” a mix of uppers and downers that allowed him to get through the day while maintaining the facade of a successful young man. He was still showing up to work and getting things done, but the cost was astronomical.

“I was a freight train,” he said, “I was able to show up. I was able to get things done. But, but at the end of the day, if I didn’t have my thing, I, if I didn’t have my fix, it’s not gonna come crumbling down. I’m just gonna, you know, I’m gonna feel like garbage and then I’m gonna have to work even harder the next day to try and figure it out.” The tolerance he built eventually made prescription pills less effective, leading him to a desperate and devastating choice: heroin. He explains that for many, heroin becomes the logical next step because it is “cheaper and it’s just as effective.” His descent was rapid and total, a powerful example of how the disease of addiction progresses from one substance to the next, with increasing intensity.

Explore heroin addiction treatment centers.

5. The Family’s Struggle: An Invisible Battle

Throughout his active addiction, Clark’s family was left in a state of confusion and worry. He explains that his parents, like most, simply didn’t have a playbook for this situation. They knew something was wrong, but they couldn’t pinpoint that it was a substance use disorder. A parent’s first instinct, he notes, is not to suspect addiction, but to worry about other issues like mental health, physical ailments, or relationship problems. This is a common struggle for families. They want to believe their loved ones and they struggle with the guilt and shame that come with realizing they missed the signs.

Clark, now an advocate who works with families through his organization, Release Recovery, understands this deeply. He says it’s important to remember that families are not to blame. “That’s putting way too much pressure” on them. This is a topic explored by many organizations that offer family support in addiction recovery, such as Al-Anon, which provides resources and meetings for the friends and family members of alcoholics.

6. The First Attempt at Treatment and the Relapse

Clark’s first foray into recovery was an unplanned, desperate walk-in to a treatment center in South Jersey. He had been outed by a friend, and a confrontation with his mother led him to admit he needed help. His 28-day stay was a mixed bag. While the experience planted the seeds of recovery by exposing him to therapy and 12-step programs, it also exposed him to new dangers. “I went to treatment the first time and learned about heroin,” he reveals, underscoring the reality that treatment can sometimes be a place where individuals are exposed to more severe substance use.

After leaving treatment, he was given an aftercare plan, but he wasn’t ready to fully commit. He tried to moderate, believing he could just drink and not use drugs. It was a common and dangerous experiment for many in early recovery. The relapse was swift and brutal. Within a short time, a single pint of vodka led him back to the streets of Camden, New Jersey, to buy heroin. The speed of his return to active addiction illustrates the powerful nature of the disease and the critical importance of a committed recovery plan.

7. A New Beginning: The Journey to True Recovery

This second relapse was the beginning of Clark’s lowest point. His life became a blur of substance use, deceit, and desperation. He was no longer living; he was “just waiting to die.” He finally reached a point where he stole one of his father’s checks, and as he tried to cash it, a bank teller intervened, calling his father and holding him there until he arrived. This moment, which he recounts at the start of the podcast, was his final wake-up call. “My dad walked in and I saw him…He got to me and he’s just like, he put his arm, my arm, and he’s like, son, we’re going home.”

This moment of grace and intervention marked the start of his true recovery journey. Clark’s story reminds us that recovery is not a linear process. It is often filled with relapses, mistakes, and painful lessons. His journey highlights the importance of asking for help, recognizing the subtle traumas of our past, and understanding that addiction affects not just the individual, but everyone around them. Today, through his work at Release Recovery, he helps others find their own path to an “easier, softer way to live,” offering hope and a powerful example of what is possible on the other side of addiction.

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How to Stage an Intervention: 9+ Steps to Take with an Addicted Loved One

If you have a loved one struggling with addiction, it’s easy to feel lost, scared, and powerless. You may find yourself constantly worrying about their well-being, wondering what you can do to help, and questioning if your actions are making the situation better or worse. It’s a painful and confusing experience, but you’re not alone. The first and most crucial step in this journey is to understand that you have more power than you think. While you cannot control your loved one’s choices, you can control your response and, in doing so, create the necessary environment for change.

The Giving Voice to Addiction podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire, delves into this very topic with seasoned interventionist Sam Davis, who has facilitated over a thousand interventions. Davis emphasizes that families are often “wandering around on this roadmap… with no destination” because they don’t truly understand the nature of addiction. The key to moving forward is to get educated, build a unified team, and approach the situation with a clear, loving, and firm strategy. The following steps, inspired by their conversation, can help you navigate this difficult path toward recovery and healing for your entire family.

1. Acknowledge and Address Your Fear

The first thing to recognize is the profound fear that often paralyzes families. This fear stems from a lack of understanding. When you don’t know what addiction is, you become terrified of its effects—watching your loved one “unravel,” as Davis puts it. It’s a natural reaction to a crisis you don’t understand. However, letting fear dictate your actions can lead to enabling behaviors and a cycle of pain and hope. The solution isn’t to ignore the fear but to confront it by seeking knowledge. As Davis states, “A lot of the fear comes from if I don’t understand something, I’m gonna be afraid of it.” By educating yourself, you can replace fear with a clear-headed strategy.

2. Educate Yourself About the Disease of Addiction

Many families operate on misconceptions about addiction. They may believe it’s a moral failing, a lack of willpower, or something their loved one can simply “snap out of.” However, addiction is a complex disease with emotional, mental, and physical components. Davis defines it as an “emotional and mental crisis.” It’s often rooted in underlying pain or trauma, which a person tries to numb with substances. The mind then starts to lie, creating a cycle where the substance is seen as the only solution, even as it causes more damage.

To effectively help your loved one, you must understand the insanity of the disease. This means recognizing that their choices are not logical and that reasoning with them is often “non-productive.” Understanding this will help you shift your expectations from hoping they will make the “right” decision to taking proactive steps to guide them toward a solution. Start by learning the difference between a casual user and someone who is truly addicted, and seek out reputable resources from scientific journals and government websites to deepen your understanding.

3. Build a Unified Family Team

Addiction affects the entire family, but often, each person has a different idea of what the problem and solution are. This lack of unity leaves the family vulnerable and ineffective. Davis stresses that to confront addiction, you need a team. “Everyone has a different idea what the problem is. Everyone has a different idea what the solution should be,” he explains. To get a successful outcome, the family must be on the same page.

The goal is to unify everyone around a single, informed plan. This starts with a family meeting where you all commit to learning about addiction together. You can invite concerned family members, close friends, or anyone else who has influence in your loved one’s life. This team forms a “corral” around the individual, creating a secure environment where they have less room to maneuver or manipulate. This unified front is essential for implementing boundaries and presenting a clear path to recovery.

4. Create a Plan with a Specific Solution

One of the biggest mistakes families make is approaching their loved one without a concrete plan. Vague questions like, “Will you agree to go to treatment?” are easily deflected. Instead, you need to have a specific solution ready. This means doing the research beforehand to find a suitable treatment facility and ensuring a bed is available. The solution should be a place you believe will provide the best possible care for your loved one, not a place you think they will agree to go. “Families need to understand is like, pick a program where you feel like your loved one is going to get the best care possible, not where you feel like your loved one will agree to go to,” Davis advises.

When researching programs, consider the following:

  • Length of Stay: Is it a 30-day program, or is there an option for a longer, more intensive stay?
  • Admissions Team: Do they sound compassionate and knowledgeable, or like a “used car salesman”?
  • Clinical Approach: Do they offer 12-step immersion or just a basic introduction? Do they provide trauma-informed care or more comprehensive trauma healing?
  • Family Involvement: Do they have a family program that keeps you informed and involved in the process, or is it just a brief visitation period?
  • Continuum of Care: What happens after the initial program? Do they offer resources for sober living or aftercare?

Choosing the right program is a critical step, and it should be a decision made by the unified family team, not a negotiation with your loved one’s disease.

5. Learn to Communicate Effectively

Once you have a plan, the next step is to communicate it to your loved one. This is not the time for emotional pleas or blame. It’s about clear, firm, and loving communication. As Davis points out, the more families understand the “manipulation tactics and the thought process of an addicted individual,” the easier it will be to navigate these conversations. The goal is to present the situation and the solution without judgment, focusing on how their addiction has affected you and the family as a whole.

This communication often takes the form of an intervention, which is not about forcing someone into treatment. An intervention is a structured conversation where the family team presents their observations, outlines how the addiction has affected them, and states what they are willing to do (offer treatment) and what they will no longer do (enable the behavior). This approach protects the family’s peace while offering a clear path to recovery.

6. Set and Enforce Boundaries

A crucial part of effective communication is setting clear boundaries. These boundaries are not punishments but a necessary way to protect your well-being and stop enabling your loved one’s addiction. This is often the hardest part for families, who may fear that setting boundaries will cause their loved one to hit “rock bottom.” However, as Davis notes, “As long as families continue to keep them off their emotional bottom… what you’re really doing is removing desperation from an individual that will drive willingness for them to want to change their life.”

Boundaries might include:

  • Not providing financial support.
  • Not allowing them to live in your home.
  • Limiting contact if they are actively using.

The key is to follow through on these boundaries. If you offer a solution and your loved one refuses, you must be prepared to let them experience the natural consequences of their choices. This is the most loving thing you can do, as it allows them to feel the desperation that can lead to genuine willingness to change.

7. Understand and Break the Trauma Bond

Families dealing with addiction are often caught in a “cycle of pain and hope.” You see your loved one struggling, you hope they will change, they make a promise, and you believe them, only to be disappointed again. This cycle creates a trauma bond, a powerful emotional attachment that makes it difficult to make logical decisions. This is why you might find yourself doing things you later regret, like giving them money or bending boundaries you’ve set.

Breaking this trauma bond is essential for your own healing and for your loved one’s recovery. This may require seeking professional help for yourself through therapy, family counseling, or support groups like Al-Anon. By addressing your own emotional needs, you can stop being a “burnout candle trying to light their candle.” You must “light your own candle,” as Davis puts it, so that your light can shine on your loved one and inspire them to seek a better life.

8. Be Willing to Do the Work Yourself

The recovery journey is not just for the person with the addiction; it’s for the entire family. Everything you want your loved one to do—seek help, be honest, and work on themselves—you must be willing to do as well. This means being a model of health and recovery. It means addressing your own pain, attending support groups, and seeking therapy to understand your role in the family dynamic.

Your personal growth is the most powerful tool you have. By focusing on becoming the best version of yourself, you create a healthy and stable environment that your loved one will eventually want to be a part of. This is a journey of self-improvement for everyone involved, and your willingness to do the work can be the catalyst for positive change.

9. Don’t Wait for Rock Bottom

A common misconception is that you have to wait until your loved one hits “rock bottom” before you can intervene. However, as soon as you suspect there’s a problem, it’s time to act. Davis says, “If you think there’s a problem, there’s more than likely a problem. And it’s serious. More serious than you are ready to admit.” Your gut feeling is a powerful indicator that something is wrong.

The sooner you educate yourself and your family, the sooner you can get ahead of the problem. This early intervention may prevent things from escalating to a full-blown crisis. By addressing the issue head-on, you show your loved one that you are committed to their well-being and are ready to create a path toward recovery, no matter how difficult it may be.

Final Thoughts

The path of a loved one’s addiction is filled with pain and uncertainty, but families have more power than they realize. By educating yourself, unifying your family, setting clear boundaries, and being willing to do your own healing work, you can shift from being a passive victim of the disease to a proactive force for change. The most loving thing you can do is offer a clear path to recovery and then step back to allow your loved one to make their own choice. This process is not about “tough love” but about “tough truth,” grounded in a deep love that says, “I will not stand by and watch you destroy yourself, but I will stand by you if you choose to get well.”

To find a treatment center that fits your loved one’s needs, check out Recovery.com.

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What Happens in Recovery: Sam’s 11+ Lessons from Addiction to Sobriety

Addiction can feel like an unending cycle of pain, disappointment, and desperation, not only for the person struggling but also for their loved ones. For many, the focus is on the substance itself—the alcohol, the pills, the cocaine—and the frantic search for a way to stop using. However, as recovery advocate Sam Davis explains, this approach often misses the core of the problem. In a recent podcast, Davis shared his personal story, revealing that the true battle isn’t with the substance but with the underlying emotional pain, mistaken belief systems, and traumatic experiences that drive a person to seek escape.

Davis’s journey from a childhood marred by trauma and low self-esteem to a life of peace and freedom offers a powerful testament to the idea that addiction is not a moral failing but a result of deep-seated pain. He found that true healing came not from simply abstaining from drugs but from doing the difficult internal work of rebuilding his life’s foundation. Through his story, Davis offers a new perspective on addiction, one that shifts the focus from the symptoms to the root cause, providing hope and a clear path forward for those who are struggling.

1. Addiction Is a Result of a Problem, Not the Problem Itself

When we see someone struggling with addiction, our natural instinct is to focus on their substance use. We might blame them for their choices, plead with them to stop, or try to control their access to drugs or alcohol. But Davis argues that this approach is fundamentally flawed because it ignores the deeper issue. “I would hope that people would take away the fact that addiction is just a result of a problem,” Davis states, “a problem of pain, emotional, mental crisis, and that we all struggle with addictions to something.” He emphasizes that the real focus should be on treating the pain, not just the behavior that results from it.

Davis’s personal story illustrates this point perfectly. His addiction wasn’t the result of a desire to be reckless; it was a desperate attempt to cope with profound emotional turmoil that began in childhood. He explains that he was “really in recovery from the mistaken belief systems” he had developed over a lifetime. These beliefs—that he was “faulty,” “dirty,” and had no value—were the true problems. The drugs were simply his temporary, and ultimately destructive, solution to a pain he didn’t know how to handle. This perspective encourages a more compassionate and effective approach to treatment, one that seeks to understand and heal the individual’s core pain rather than just managing their substance use.

2. Childhood Trauma Can Lay the Foundation for Addiction

Davis’s feelings of not belonging started early in his life. He recalls being laughed at for his stutter as a child, which made him feel like an outcast. However, the most significant turning point came at the age of 10 when he was molested. This event solidified his mistaken belief system and became a secret he carried for decades. “That really hammered in that I’m faulty, that I’m dirty, that I don’t amount to much and I have no value in this world,” he says. This trauma, combined with the shame and secrecy surrounding it, became a powerful driver of his later addiction.

The experience created a deep sense of a loss of authenticity. Davis remembers feeling as if he wasn’t a “real man” because he couldn’t prevent the molestation, and he vowed that “no one can ever know” about it. This secret, this “stain,” as he called it, became a heavy burden that he tried to numb with drugs. His story highlights a critical link between unresolved childhood trauma and substance use disorders. Research has shown that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are a significant risk factor for developing addiction later in life1.

Explore trauma treatment options.

3. The “Addict” Ism Exists Long Before Substance Use Begins

Davis makes a powerful and somewhat provocative statement: he was a “drug addict before [he] ever picked up a drug or started drinking.” He explains that the addiction isn’t just about the substance; it’s about the feelings that drive a person to seek it out. For him, these were feelings of “uselessness,” an inability to control his “emotional natures,” and being “completely driven by fear.” He was struggling with these internal issues long before he took his first hit of marijuana at age 12.

When he finally did smoke that joint, it worked. For the first time, he felt a sense of belonging and comfort in his own skin. It was a “temporary solution” to a problem that had been festering for years. “I had the ism and I found the solution to it when I was 12,” he explains. This perspective challenges the common belief that addiction begins the moment someone first uses a substance. Instead, it suggests that the predisposition, or the “ism” of addiction, is an internal condition driven by emotional and psychological distress. The substance simply becomes the chosen—and ultimately destructive—tool for coping with that condition. This idea is supported by research into the bio-psycho-social model of addiction, which posits that a combination of genetic, psychological, and social factors contributes to the development of a substance use disorder.

4. The Physical Allergy and Mental Obsession of Addiction

For many people, the idea of an addict being unable to control their substance use is difficult to understand. They might think, “Why can’t they just have one drink?” or “Why can’t they just stop?” Davis explains this phenomenon using a concept described by Dr. William D. Silkworth, a physician who specialized in treating alcoholism in the early 20th century. Silkworth referred to it as a “physical allergy,” where consuming a substance “sets off what’s called the phenomenon of craving.” This craving is “beyond human comprehension” and compels the person to use more and more.

Davis vividly describes how this played out in his own life. He could tell himself he was only going to have one drink or smoke a little cocaine, but once the substance was in his system, a powerful craving took over, and he “lost the power of choice.” This physical craving is then compounded by a “mental obsession.” His mind would run “all these combinations about how this time is gonna work,” convincing him he could control his use, even though all his past experiences proved otherwise. He would “buy the lie again” and the cycle would continue. This mental obsession is a powerful force that can be difficult for non-addicts to comprehend. It’s not a matter of willpower; it’s a condition where the mind is essentially lying to the individual, telling them that this time will be different.

5. Selfishness in Addiction Is a Matter of Survival

When an addict’s behavior becomes destructive, their actions are often labeled as selfish. Davis acknowledges this, saying, “I mean, we are, I mean, everything is is about us.” However, he clarifies that this isn’t because addicts are “inherently just assholes.” Instead, he explains that it’s a function of being in survival mode. Many people with addiction, especially those with a history of trauma, are constantly in a state of fight-or-flight.

In this state, all a person can think about is their next move to get the relief they need. Davis recalls a deeply painful example of this from his own life. When his wife was in labor with their child, he drove her in the opposite direction of the hospital to meet his pill dealer. “I didn’t think anything of it,” he admits. This seemingly monstrous act was, to him, a necessary step in survival. His mind told him that if he didn’t get his pills, he would face an “unfathomable amount of pain and discomfort.” This fear, this need to avoid a feeling he couldn’t cope with, eclipsed all other considerations, including his wife’s pain and the birth of his child. This demonstrates how the self-centeredness of addiction is not a conscious choice to be cruel but an extreme, fear-driven response to a perceived threat to one’s well-being.

6. Desperation is the Catalyst for Change

For years, Davis went through a cycle of wanting to get sober and then relapsing. He went to treatment multiple times, but none of them stuck. He had the “want,” but he “lacked the willingness to do anything about it.” The reason for this, he realized, was that he hadn’t yet reached a state of true desperation. His family, in a misguided attempt to help, was unknowingly enabling his addiction by providing him with a safety net. “I knew that it wasn’t a sink or swim moment,” he says. Because he had options and knew he wouldn’t be completely on his own, he never fully committed to recovery.

This all changed when his family got educated on how to deal with his addiction. They intervened and gave him a clear choice: go to a long-term treatment center with no discharge date or go to jail. When he tried to leave the program two months in, he called his dad for a bus ticket, hoping for the same enabling support he had always received. But this time, his dad said, “No. Figure it out. Love you. Bye.” That was the moment everything shifted. “That was my life-changing moment,” he recalls. This “gift of desperation” provided the pain he needed to fully surrender and become willing to do the hard work of recovery.

7. The Gift of Time and the Power of Accountability

Davis’s last treatment experience was unlike any of the others he had been through. He describes it as the “Navy Seals of treatment centers,” designed for individuals “reluctant to recover.” One of the most critical differences was the removal of a discharge date. In his previous programs, the limited time frame gave him a sense of an end date, which prevented him from truly surrendering. In this program, with no end in sight, he was forced to face himself. “You’re gonna tell if somebody’s compliant or surrender very quickly when you take the discharge date off,” he notes.

This extended stay, which lasted nearly a year, gave him the “gift of time.” It allowed him to build a solid foundation for his recovery, going through the ups and downs of early sobriety in a structured, safe environment. The program also provided “excellent clinical care that processed the experience of an immersive 12-step experience.” Unlike other programs where he was just given worksheets, this one spoon-fed him the principles of the 12 Steps from day one. He was held accountable by both staff and his peers, which forced him to confront his past behaviors and develop new, healthier ones.

8. Recovery Is an Experience, Not Just Information

Before his final treatment, Davis went through several programs but left “just as confused about what my problem was than when I went in the door.” He had been given clinical information and worksheets, but no real experience of recovery. He explains, “sober isn’t about information. It’s about an experience.” His final program was different because it allowed him to experience what it felt like to be sober and to live by a new set of principles.

Through the intensive 12-step process, he was able to rebuild his “internal constitution” and realign his moral compass. For the first time, he experienced what it felt like to have peace without the use of drugs. He started to see glimpses of the solution and not just the problem. This experience gave him a powerful motivation to continue. He realized that the promises of recovery were not just “marketing material” but a reality he could achieve. This desire for more of that feeling—more peace, more clarity, more freedom—is what kept him going even when he wanted to give up.

9. Finding Freedom Through Challenging Core Beliefs

Davis spent years with the trauma of his childhood molestation, convinced it was a secret he would take to his grave. In recovery, he was finally able to face it, but not in the way he had expected. He didn’t have to “live through the whole thing” again. Instead, he went through a trauma intensive workshop that challenged his core belief systems. “It challenged a core belief that I had about myself and the world around me,” he explains. He came to accept that the belief he was “faulty” was not a fact, and by dismissing it, he opened the door for new, healthier beliefs to take root.

This process was about taking responsibility for his life, not for the trauma itself. He explains this through the lens of the 12-step inventory, which asks a person to look at their “part” in a situation. As a 10-year-old, he had no part in the molestation itself, but he was responsible for “how I let it dominate my life” from that point on. By accepting this responsibility, he was able to move past the victim mentality and begin to heal. This new perspective gave him a profound sense of clarity and freedom.

10. The Freedom of Knowing You Can Overcome Anything

Today, Davis lives a life of peace and freedom that he never thought possible. When asked what that freedom feels like, he shares a deeply profound realization: “I know that there is nothing in this life that is going to come down the road at me that is going to be more painful or more challenging than what I’ve come through.” He has confronted his deepest fears and traumas and survived the hellish years of his active addiction.

This perspective gives him a sense of unwavering strength and resilience. He knows that no matter what life throws at him—tragedy, loss, or illness—he has the internal tools and the foundation to handle it. This realization is a testament to the power of a long-term, comprehensive recovery process. It’s not just about abstaining from substances; it’s about building a life that is so strong and so fulfilling that you no longer need an escape.

11. Don’t Just Go to Rehab; You Get to Go to Rehab

For those who are just beginning their journey, Davis offers a simple yet transformative piece of advice: look at the content the algorithms are showing you. If you’re seeing a lot of recovery-related material, “the algorithm’s trying to tell you something.” He encourages people to see rehabilitation not as a punishment but as a gift. “You don’t got to, you get to,” he says.

He frames the opportunity to unplug from the world and do deep emotional work as a privilege, not a chore. He encourages people to “take care of your emotional health” and to challenge the stories they tell themselves about why they can’t get better. By shifting this perspective, a person can move from a place of resistance to a place of willingness, making it far more likely that they will find the desperation and surrender needed for long-term recovery.

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The Hope Dealer: 5 Life-Changing Lessons from Fausto Castellanos on Trauma and Recovery

The journey to healing is rarely a straight line. For Fausto Castellanos, a clinical counselor and recovery advocate known as “The Hope Dealer,” it was a long and winding road filled with pain, self-blame, and a desperate search for validation. His story, shared on the Recoverycast podcast, is a powerful testament to the idea that our most difficult experiences don’t have to define our future. Instead, they can become the very foundation of our purpose.

From a young age, Castellanos felt a deep sense of unease and a need to be accepted. He recalled, “I always thought that I was less than everyone, so I would always look at like, you know, any older boy for like, um, validation or or direction.” This feeling, rooted in a childhood environment with a narcissistic father and a codependent mother, led him to constantly seek external validation. He would imitate others, chasing a “performance self-worth” that would momentarily mask his internal struggles. This desperate need for acceptance would ultimately lead him down a path of self-destructive behaviors, a journey he now uses to help others find their way back to a place of hope and healing.

1. The Mask of Performance and the Search for Validation

Growing up, Fausto Castellanos learned to be a “chameleon,” constantly adapting his personality to fit in and be liked. This behavior was a direct result of a traumatic experience at age seven, where he was sexually abused by an older boy. He didn’t process it as abuse at the time, but as a young child, he internalized the subsequent cruelty from his abuser as a sign that he had done something wrong. This trauma, combined with an already anxious disposition, led to a deep-seated belief that something was inherently wrong with him.

In a desperate attempt to fix this perceived brokenness, he began to seek out risky behaviors. “That show Jackass came out… and I was like, that’s what I gotta do to fix this. Oh my gosh. I gotta jump off buildings. Just doing all these dares and stuff like that. And again, just trying to seek that, that, that, that, um, my fix validation.” His actions were a cry for help, a way to prove his worth and distract himself from the gnawing pain inside. This pattern of seeking validation through extreme and self-sabotaging acts would continue for years, culminating in a series of shocking events.

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2. A Desperate Attempt to Escape: Faking His Own Death

By ninth grade, the pressure of his internal turmoil became unbearable. Castellanos found a new way to cope: skipping school. He would feign illness, often using a history of epilepsy from a childhood concussion to manipulate his mother into letting him stay home. This temporary escape, however, was not enough. He was still haunted by the fear that everyone at school knew his secret. It was at this point that he came up with a “bright idea to fake my own death.”

Using his skills in videography, he created a video of a car crash he found online, superimposed a childhood picture of himself, and added emotional music from the band Incubus. The plan, however, was a disaster. “People show up to my house to give my mom condolences and they see I’m, I’m the one opening the door.” The failed attempt at faking his death led to even more desperate measures.

In a misguided attempt to get more time off from school, he told his teacher he was “hearing voices to hurt people.” This lie backfired spectacularly, leading to a 5150 hold—a mandatory 72-hour psychiatric detention in San Diego. His stay was extended to seven days after he resisted the diagnosis, and he was forced to “pretend I was schizophrenic” just to get out. The experience, while terrifying, became another twisted form of validation. He felt a strange sense of belonging, a feeling of being seen, even if it was for a fabricated identity. This desire to be seen, no matter the cost, became a driving force in his life.

3. Finding “Comfort” in Alcohol and Drugs

After his release from the psychiatric hospital, Castellanos was granted his wish to do home studies. He was safe, alone, and free from the social pressures of school. But without a structured environment, his pursuit of external validation found a new and dangerous outlet: alcohol and drugs. At 14, he and a friend stole a bottle of whiskey. The first time the alcohol’s buzz kicked in, he had a revelation. “It was the first time in my life I can remember feeling comfortable. Feeling connected, feeling grounded, feeling seen, feeling safe.”

For a young man who had been battling anxiety and suicidal thoughts for years, alcohol was not a poison but a perceived cure. He came to believe that if he hadn’t found alcohol and drugs, he “would’ve killed myself a long time ago.” This belief became the foundation of a life of addiction. He transitioned from alcohol to ecstasy, a drug he had manifested after seeing a YouTube video of people dancing at a rave. He quickly developed a connection to a dealer, a neighbor who would later molest him for six months. This second traumatic experience, made all the more confusing by the disinhibiting effects of methamphetamines, reinforced his belief that his own actions were to blame.

4. The Vicious Cycle of Addiction, Breakups, and Despair

From the ages of 14 to 18, Castellanos’s life was a cycle of avoidance and self-destruction. He became the “party guy,” a role that gave him a false sense of purpose and belonging. “I played that character and I played that character really well.” He was the one who could get alcohol and drugs, the one with the “cool mom” who would let everyone stay over. This performance, however, couldn’t mask his growing addiction. He experienced blackouts, fights, and near-misses with the law. His underlying trauma continued to haunt him, and he continued to seek external validation, especially through romantic relationships.

At 17, he fell in love, convinced that this relationship would “fix” him. But his codependent nature led to a devastating overdose on 17 ecstasy pills after a party. He woke up in the hospital, handcuffed to a bed, his face bloody from a fall. Even in this moment of crisis, his first thought was to manipulate his way out of trouble, blaming the police for his injuries and demanding pain pills. Less than 24 hours after leaving the hospital, he overdosed again.

This pattern of using relationships as a crutch and self-destruction as a coping mechanism continued into his early twenties. He sought refuge in a high-profile bartending job, a role that fed his need for attention and validation. Yet, even as the “it dude,” his addiction spiraled out of control. Another failed relationship at 21 sent him to his rock bottom, a suicide attempt. It was this moment that forced him to confront the truth: his past trauma was still controlling his present, and his addiction was only making things worse.

5. The Path to Recovery and a New Purpose

Fausto Castellanos’s story is a powerful reminder that the desire to heal must come from within. While external sources of validation, like relationships or social status, may offer temporary relief, they cannot solve the underlying issues of trauma and self-worth. His journey highlights the importance of vulnerability in recovery, a theme he emphasizes throughout the podcast. “Vulnerability will save your life to know that there is people out there that are going through what you’re going through, and there is people who are willing to help you. You just gotta let people know what’s going on inside of you, because if you don’t reveal it, then you can’t heal it.”

His story, once a source of shame, has become a tool for advocacy. By sharing his experiences, he gives others permission to be vulnerable and seek help. His work as a clinical counselor and “hope dealer” is a testament to the power of turning pain into purpose. He now uses his past not as a burden but as a beacon, illuminating a path for others struggling with addiction and trauma. The long road of emotional recovery may be difficult, but as Castellanos’s story shows, it is possible to transform a life of self-destruction into a mission of healing and hope.

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From Jail to the Olympics: Tony Hoffman’s 5 Lessons on Finding Balance and Redemption

The journey from the depths of despair to the pinnacle of success is a testament to the human spirit’s resilience. For Tony Hoffman, a former pro BMX athlete and now a nationally recognized speaker and recovery advocate, this journey took him from a prison cell to coaching at the Olympics. His story, shared on the Recovery Cast podcast, is a powerful reminder that redemption is not only possible but can also ignite a profound sense of purpose.

“I’ve been to some pretty low places, and I’ve been able to bounce back from that and get to some pretty high places,” Tony shares. “But none of that really matters. For me, it’s a balance. The most important thing I think that we can achieve in life is just feeling balanced. Like we know where we are is exactly where we’re supposed to be, but you have to do work to get there.”

Tony’s experiences highlight crucial lessons about mental health, addiction, the impact of childhood trauma, and the societal pressures that can lead individuals down destructive paths. His journey emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, seeking support, and understanding the deeper roots of one’s struggles.

1. The Unexpected Path to Passion and Pressure

Tony Hoffman’s initial foray into sports was accidental. Kicked out of school in seventh grade for selling weed, he found himself removed from his first love, basketball. His brother was racing BMX, and urged by his parents, Tony joined him at the track. Coming from a family with a background in racing—his father was a professional motocross racer—Tony quickly discovered a natural aptitude for BMX.

“When I picked up a bike, it was kind of like, you know, carpenters produced carpenters,” Tony recalls. “And my dad being a racer, produced racers. Me and my brother both picked up the idea of how to race, uh, really easily. And before I knew it, I was, um, one of the best in the country.” By his senior year of high school, he was on the cover of BMX Racing Magazine, ranked number one in the country.

Despite his immense talent and success, Tony didn’t necessarily love the sport itself. Like many professional athletes, he pursued it because he was good at it and didn’t see other viable options. Growing up in a town that celebrated sports and produced numerous high-level athletes, Tony simply followed the expected path. However, internal struggles and societal pressures began to intensify as he approached adulthood.

This early success in BMX, while seemingly positive, also presented unique challenges. The pressure to perform and the expectations from others began to clash with Tony’s internal desire for normalcy. He felt isolated despite being surrounded by teammates and coaches, especially in team sports like basketball where he was pushed into a leadership role he didn’t want. This internal conflict set the stage for later struggles.

2. The Weight of Isolation and Unmet Emotional Needs

Tony’s struggles with mental health began long before his professional athletic career. He describes his middle school years as a period of intense emotional difficulty, marked by impulsive decisions and a burgeoning sense of isolation. A pivotal moment he identified in therapy years later was his father’s frequent absence from his basketball games, despite promises to attend.

“My father was a workaholic and this was a big breakthrough I had in my therapy session, probably about eight years into therapy, which was kind of how I came to know my origin story of where this all started and how it really became what it was about to become,” Tony explains. “My father was a workaholic and he wasn’t around much. He was always at work… When my father was absent from these games, after he would tell me that he was pro, he would promise me that he was gonna show up to these games. It left me feeling more isolated, more alone, but more heavily confused.”

This feeling of being alone in a “boxing ring” without anyone in his corner deeply affected young Tony. He questioned why he had to endure such experiences when other children seemed to have more supportive presences in their lives. This perceived abandonment led to a profound disconnection from the world and a belief that if his own parents didn’t care, there was no reason for him to care either. This mindset manifested in rebellious behavior at school, where he disregarded authority figures.

The lack of understanding from adults around him exacerbated these feelings. While coaches and teachers saw his potential, they often failed to look beyond his outward behavior to the underlying emotional turmoil. Tony reflects on a conversation with his sixth-grade basketball coach, who, years later, asked what he could have done differently. Tony acknowledged that in a time when mental health was not widely understood, it was difficult. However, he suggested that understanding the root of his behavior and finding ways to engage him as a leader that met him where he was, rather than imposing expectations, could have made a difference.

This period solidified his “lone wolf” mentality, a coping mechanism that initially served him well in individual sports like BMX, where success depended solely on him. However, this deeply ingrained belief that it was “me against the world” would later contribute to his downfall when faced with the complexities of adult life.

3. The Lure of Escape: From Sleep to Substance Use

As Tony approached high school graduation, the societal pressure to choose a career path became overwhelming. He knew he didn’t want to go to college, struggling in traditional academic settings. He secured a job opportunity as a network administrator in San Diego, a self-taught skill developed partly due to his social anxiety and desire to be alone. This decision meant abandoning his BMX career, even foregoing the final race where he was ranked number one nationally.

This “limbo period” between high school and his new job proved to be a dangerous void. He lost his “tribe” at the BMX races – the empowering group of people who provided connection. Without this support system and with his existing struggles with suicidal ideation, anxiety, and depression, he began to self-destruct.

“Everything was laid out that this wasn’t gonna go the right way,” Tony reflects. “Because I didn’t have any type of conversation. I didn’t have any vulnerable spaces… I started going to parties ’cause that’s what every other senior was doing.”

His initial coping mechanism for his emotional pain was sleep. “Sleep was the first drug I ever took,” Tony states. “It stopped the suicidal thoughts. It stopped anxiety and was removed the weight of depression.” However, waking up brought a fresh wave of missed opportunities, responsibilities, and emotional disruption.

Then came Oxycontin. Tony describes it as “like sleep, but I could be awake.” The drug offered the same relief from his internal torment, but allowed him to participate in life. In the beginning, it seemed like a solution, enabling him to navigate social situations and fulfill obligations with a newfound sense of “balance” and happiness he believed others possessed effortlessly.

“Oxycontin was the first time I felt like, okay, I can actually be a part of life,” he explains. “Then there was the confusion of why can’t I just get the doctors to prescribe me this?”

This desire for an “effect” that brought temporary peace quickly spiraled. Within three years, Tony went from a nationally ranked athlete with a promising career to committing a home invasion robbery for Oxycontin. The adrenaline and risk-taking involved in his BMX career, he now realizes, mirrored the rush he felt while engaging in criminal activities, highlighting the dangerous connection between unaddressed emotional needs and destructive behaviors.

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4. The Societal Stigma and Misunderstanding of Addiction

Tony’s story also sheds light on the prevailing societal attitudes toward mental health and addiction, particularly in the early 2000s. Depression was often dismissed as laziness, and suicidal thoughts in teenagers were frequently brushed off as attention-seeking. This lack of understanding prevented genuine support and intervention.

“People depressed was like a get up, quit being lazy,” Tony recounts the common sentiment. “A teenager that says they want to kill themselves is just looking for attention. Oh, wow. I know. I hate to break it to you. A healthy teenager doesn’t use suicide as a way to get attention.”

This pervasive stigma meant that when Tony’s behavior shifted – like excessive sleeping or drug use – those around him often reacted with judgment rather than concern. Friends began to distance themselves, and the concept of offering genuine emotional support was largely absent from the cultural narrative. While some of his friends were worried about his drug dealing, their concern often stemmed from the impact he was having on their community rather than a deep understanding of his personal struggle.

The “lone wolf” mentality he developed in his youth further isolated him, making him unreceptive to any attempts at intervention. He saw himself as self-sufficient, even as his life spiraled out of control. This highlights a critical point: addiction is not simply a moral failing but often a complex interplay of genetic predispositions, environmental factors, and unaddressed trauma. Early intervention and a compassionate approach, focused on understanding the “why” behind the behavior, are crucial.

5. Finding Balance and Purpose Through Recovery

Tony Hoffman’s journey to recovery began in prison, where he started the difficult process of self-reflection and soul-searching. He realized that elements of his past, particularly the individualism and self-reliance he developed in BMX, could be harnessed for positive change. These aspects, which once contributed to his isolation, could now be sources of strength and confidence.

His transformation from incarceration to coaching at the Olympics is a powerful narrative of what is possible with dedication and the right tools. He has since founded pH Wellness, a treatment center, and the Free Will Project, organizations dedicated to equipping individuals and communities to confront addiction, stigma, and trauma.

Tony’s emphasis on balance is a recurring theme in his philosophy. It’s not about achieving external accolades or financial success alone, but about finding internal peace and knowing “where we are is exactly where we’re supposed to be.” This balance requires significant “work” – introspection, therapy, and a willingness to confront difficult truths about oneself and one’s past.

His story reinforces the idea that true healing involves addressing the underlying emotional pain and trauma that often fuel addiction. By understanding why he sought escape in sleep and then in drugs, Tony could begin to dismantle the destructive patterns that had governed his life.

The concept of redemption in Tony’s story is not about erasing the past but about transforming it into a source of strength and purpose. His experiences, no matter how dark, now serve as a beacon of hope for others struggling with similar challenges. He uses his platform to advocate for a more empathetic and informed approach to mental health and addiction, urging society to move beyond judgment and towards understanding and support.

Tony Hoffman’s journey from a troubled youth to an Olympic coach and recovery champion is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It underscores the critical need for early intervention, mental health awareness, and compassionate support systems that empower individuals to find their balance, reclaim their lives, and ultimately, spark purpose from their pain.

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Kat Sorensen’s Journey from Chaotic Addiction to Thriving Powerhouse

The path to recovery is rarely straight. For many, it’s a winding road filled with detours, unexpected turns, and moments of profound clarity. Kat Sorensen, CEO of Laguna Shores Treatment Center, founder of Chains to Change, and content creator known as SoCalKattt, embodies this journey. With nearly a decade of sobriety, Kat’s story is a powerful testament to healing with compassion, structure, and integrity, highlighting the transformative power of community in achieving lasting recovery.

Kat’s story, shared on Recoverycast with host Brittani Baynard, offers invaluable insights into the insidious nature of addiction and the profound liberation that comes with confronting it head-on. From a high-performing tech sales executive and competitive bodybuilder battling alcohol and prescription drug addiction to a beacon of hope in the recovery community, Kat’s experiences illuminate key aspects of addiction and the recovery process.

Unraveling the Roots of Early Addiction

Kat’s journey began not in a tumultuous home, but in a stable, middle-class environment with loving parents. Yet, from a young age, a profound sense of loneliness and discomfort in her own skin shadowed her. This internal struggle became the fertile ground for addiction to take root.

Her first experience with alcohol at age 12 was a revelation. While her friends sipped, Kat “gulp[ed] as fast as [she could].” The immediate effect was a powerful sense of peace and belonging. “As soon as I started to feel this, like, it was like this piece,” she recalls. “It was like, oh my god. I’ve been waiting for this for like 10 years. Like, I have needed this for like 10 years, and I started to really feel okay in my own skin.” This early experience, coupled with a fantastical first kiss, cemented alcohol’s association with ultimate relief and desire fulfillment.

This narrative highlights a critical point: addiction often stems from an attempt to self-medicate underlying emotional pain or discomfort. Even in the absence of overt trauma, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, or an inability to cope with intense emotions can drive individuals toward substances that offer temporary solace. Kat’s story underscores that a seemingly perfect upbringing doesn’t inoculate against these internal struggles.

The Chameleon Effect: Mastering High-Functioning Addiction

A hallmark of Kat’s early addiction was her ability to maintain a double life. As a varsity athlete who also frequented parties, she became adept at being a “chameleon,” seamlessly blending into different social circles and managing her substance use while excelling in other areas of her life. This early mastery of high-functioning addiction allowed her to rationalize and conceal the growing problem.

She learned to manage her alcohol consumption alongside her responsibilities as an athlete and student. This ability to appear functional, even successful, on the surface is a common characteristic of high-functioning addicts. It often delays intervention because the outward signs of struggle are not immediately apparent. Kat’s experience demonstrates how early in life, individuals can develop sophisticated coping mechanisms that, while allowing them to navigate daily life, simultaneously entrench their addictive behaviors. This period of her life underscores the deceptive nature of addiction – it can thrive in the shadows of apparent normalcy.

The Illusion of a “God-Shaped Hole” and the Reality of Untreated Addiction

In her late teens, Kat experienced a profound spiritual transformation. Attending church and embracing a new community, she found a sense of belonging and peace that initially mirrored the relief she sought from alcohol. She married young, eschewed drinking, and for a time, found solace in her faith. However, this period also revealed a critical insight into untreated addiction: it often manifests in other behaviors.

Kat stopped drinking in college but began running “insane” distances—10, 12, even 15 miles a day. This seemingly healthy activity became a new outlet for her unaddressed inner turmoil. As she aptly puts it, “I just transferred my addiction to that.” This phenomenon, known as cross-addiction or addiction transfer, is common in untreated individuals. If the underlying spiritual, emotional, or psychological issues driving the addiction are not addressed, the addictive energy will simply find a new outlet.

The Misconceptions of Alcoholism: Beyond Daily Drinking

When her first husband suggested she was an alcoholic, Kat dismissed it. Her understanding of alcoholism, like many, was narrow: “people imagine an alcoholic is somebody who drinks daily, someone who, um, gets DUIs. Someone who can’t hold a normal job, someone who can’t graduate from school, somebody who can’t be in a normal relationship.” She could go months without drinking, seemingly disproving his assertion.

This common misconception underscores the subtle and pervasive nature of the disease. Alcoholism isn’t solely defined by the frequency or quantity of consumption, but by the mental obsession and loss of control once drinking begins. Kat’s frustration with only having “one glass of wine” and the subsequent “mental gymnastics” she underwent to get more perfectly illustrate this point.

“That is the allergy of alcoholism is that one drink sets off the mental obsession,” Kat clarifies. This “allergy,” unlike a physical reaction to shellfish, manifests in the mind, making self-diagnosis crucial. Only the individual truly understands the compulsive thoughts and behaviors triggered by that first drink.

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The Progression of the Disease: From “College Thing” to Catastrophe

After a period of sobriety, Kat returned to drinking during a sales conference, rationalizing it as a way to fit in with her new corporate environment. This return, however, was not a gentle reintroduction but a re-ignition of the “allergy.”

“That thing that has been waiting for me because my disease of alcoholism is progressive. It’s fatal. It wants me dead, but it will settle for me drunk,” Kat powerfully states. This progressive nature meant that her addiction picked up precisely where it left off, quickly escalating. What began as an innocent “open bar” soon led to blackouts, infidelity, and the breakdown of her marriage. The consequences mounted, proving that once the “allergy” is triggered, it reasserts its power, often with greater intensity.

Kat’s repeated attempts to externalize the problem—blaming her job, her marriage, even her age—are characteristic of addiction. The thought of stopping drinking was never an option, even in the face of devastating consequences.

Geographical Cures and the Persistence of the Problem

In a desperate attempt to salvage her marriage and escape the spiraling consequences of her drinking, Kat quit her job and moved to a small mountain town, believing a change of scenery would solve her problems. This concept of a “geographical cure” is a common but ultimately futile strategy in addiction.

As Kat quickly discovered, “we believed that a move would change me and within like, I don’t know, maybe the first two months of being there, I’m doing cocaine with my client.” The external change failed to address the internal struggle. Addiction isn’t about location; it’s about the individual’s relationship with substances and their underlying coping mechanisms. No matter where Kat went, her untreated addiction followed, only escalating in severity, from alcohol to cocaine and eventually Molly. This illustrates that true recovery requires an internal shift, not just an external relocation.

Lowering Standards and the Deceptive Nature of Active Addiction

As Kat’s addiction progressed, her moral compass began to spin wildly out of control. Her candid admission, “lowering my standards faster than I could violate them,” perfectly captures the destructive trajectory of active addiction. The values and boundaries she once held dear eroded, replaced by a relentless pursuit of the next high.

“The things that I said I would never do, I was doing on a daily basis,” she recounts. This includes running off to Mexico with a stranger, using drugs daily at work, and even transporting illegal substances on planes. The sheer recklessness and disregard for personal safety highlight the profound cognitive distortions that occur in active addiction. The disease’s grip becomes so strong that it overrides reason, self-preservation, and personal integrity. Kat’s ability to maintain a veneer of functionality while engaging in increasingly dangerous behaviors underscores the deceptive power of addiction.

The Necessity of Confrontation and the Power of External Intervention

Even as her life spiraled, Kat’s cunning enabled her to navigate increasingly perilous situations, from driving intoxicated to transporting drugs. She believed a move to California and a fresh start would finally be the answer. Yet, even as she unloaded her belongings, the lure of old habits presented itself.

What finally broke the cycle wasn’t self-will or another geographical cure, but the intervention of someone who forced her to slow down and confront her reality. “Someone made you slow down. Yes. Someone made you slow down. Yes. And do something I didn’t want to do,” Kat admits. This external push, often from a sponsor, therapist, or loved one, is frequently a catalyst for change. It’s a moment where the addict is no longer able to outrun or rationalize their disease and is compelled to look inward. For Kat, this meant confronting the deeply ingrained patterns of self-will and beginning the rigorous process of self-inventory.

The Role of Community and Compassion in Healing

Kat’s journey through the 12-Step program and her current role in the recovery community underscore the vital role of community, compassion, and integrity in lasting recovery. When she initially sought help, her instinct was to escape her marriage. But her sponsor, recognizing the self-will driving this decision, urged her to pause and do the hard work of inventory. This gentle yet firm guidance prevented a rash decision and initiated a deeper healing process.

Today, Kat leads Laguna Shores Treatment Center and has founded Chains to Change, an online community dedicated to recovery. These initiatives highlight her commitment to providing the same support and structure that were instrumental in her own sobriety. Recovery is not a solitary endeavor; it thrives in environments of shared experience, mutual support, and non-judgmental guidance. The ability to connect with others who understand the struggle and to give back to the recovery community is a powerful aspect of maintaining sobriety and fostering sustained well-being.

Recovery: A Continuous Journey of Small, Consistent Steps

Kat Sorensen’s story is a powerful reminder that recovery is a dynamic, lifelong process built on small, consistent steps. From the initial “24 hours at a time” to the ongoing commitment to self-reflection and community engagement, each decision contributes to a life of sobriety and fulfillment. Her transformation from a high-functioning addict to a compassionate leader in the recovery field demonstrates that even from the darkest places, healing and transformation are possible.

Recovery.com is a valuable resource for anyone seeking mental health or addiction treatment options. You can filter by location, price, insurance coverage, therapy type, mental health condition, levels of care, and more, making it easier to find the right support for anyone, anywhere.