Tag: Depression

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This article is a summary of a conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In this episode, Terry and her daughter and co-host Carly speak with mental health advocate and writer Natasha Tracy about how depression distorts and even erases our happy memories, making recovery more difficult.

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1. Understand That Depression Can Literally Steal Your Memories

It’s not just in your head. Research has shown that depression can interfere with memory, particularly memories of positive experiences. This cognitive symptom is often overlooked, but it plays a powerful role in deepening depressive episodes.

As Natasha explained:

In a profound depression, it’s almost like someone has erased my memory from all of the good experiences. Or to put it another way, they’ve taken good experiences and made them feel like they were depressed, even when they weren’t.

Why it matters: When we can’t access proof that we’ve been happy before, it becomes much harder to believe we can be happy again. That absence of memory feeds hopelessness and prolongs suffering.

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2. Learn the Concept of “State Memory”

Natasha explains a psychological phenomenon known as state-dependent memory: when you’re depressed, your brain better recalls other times you felt depressed. When you’re happy, you remember happier experiences.

This means:

• Depression reinforces itself.
• Memory becomes emotionally filtered.
• Positive memories feel distant or even untrue.

As Natasha said:

That’s called state memory… When you’re happy it’s great… but when we’re really profoundly depressed that particular propensity is very negative.

Key takeaway: Depression distorts your sense of time and history. It tricks you into thinking you’ve always felt this way.

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3. Talk Back to Depression

Natasha offers a powerful cognitive behavioral approach: externalize your depression and then argue with it.

She suggests imagining a split between your mind and your brain:

• Your brain is where depression lives.
• Your mind is your truest self, beyond the illness.

As Natasha shared:

My brain says to me, you are very depressed, you should kill yourself. But my mind says to my depression, you are lying to me. Yes, I am depressed. But the world would not be better off without me.

Practice it:

• Name the depression.
• Speak to it in your own voice.
• Call out its lies and reclaim your truth.

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4. Use Your Own Voice as a Lifeline

One of Natasha’s most profound strategies is to record a video to yourself when you’re not depressed. No production needed. Just talk to yourself.

As Natasha suggested:

Hello, I know you’re feeling really depressed right now… but I am sitting here on this very day, sitting in front of the camera and I’m talking to you and I am doing it while I am not depressed.

Why it helps:

• We believe our own voice more than anyone else’s.
• Watching ourselves in a healthy state creates visual, emotional proof of better times.

As Terry eloquently put it:

Even if where I am right now is not perfect by any means, it is so much better than where you are and you’ll get here because you’re me and I’m here.

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5. Borrow the Memories of Loved Ones

Depression might block your access to good memories, but others can help you remember.

One listener, Dina Marie, contacted friends and family and asked them to write down joyful memories they shared with her. She saved these letters and rereads them during depressive episodes.

Additional ideas:

• Ask for a voice message or photo.
• Create a memory scrapbook.
• Store these reminders where you’ll see them.

As Natasha said:

When your memory’s not working properly, count on other people.

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6. Build a “Hope Kit” of Tangible Memories

Several guests on the podcast have suggested assembling a box of reminders that you can turn to when depression sets in.

What to include:

• Photos of happy times
• Concert or travel ticket stubs
• Notes from friends
• Mementos from places that brought you peace

Carly also created a phone album called “Happy Things” with images she finds comforting.

As Carly explained:

These are each evidence of something good about my life that right now isn’t stirring up those good feelings in me, but that’s the filter of depression, not the reality.

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7. Ask Trusted People to Describe You

When depression dulls not only your memories but also your identity, ask friends to reflect your best traits back to you.

Carly once texted 12 friends asking them to share three words they’d use to describe her. She saved the responses in a note for low days.

Why it helps:

• Reconnects you to your identity
• Counters negative self-talk
• Grounds you in truth from people who love you

As Carly shared:

It was something I could hold on to, to prevent myself from going under.

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8. Choose Uplifting Over Depressing Stimuli

When you’re depressed, the temptation might be to match your mood with sad songs, bleak movies, or isolating behaviors. But Natasha urges listeners to do the opposite.

Swap in:

• Music that makes you smile
• Nature sounds or favorite movies
• Bright, sensory-rich environments

As Natasha advised:

If you’re depressed, you don’t put yourself in further depressing situations, if at all possible.

Remember: Even a small lift matters. Tiny joys can interrupt deep spirals.

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9. Accept That Hope Might Be Fragile, But It’s Still Powerful

Hope, as Natasha says, is tricky. It can feel like a risk. Especially when you’ve had treatments or strategies fail in the past.

As Natasha reflected:

You need a kernel. You need something. You need a tiny little flame inside of you that says there is hope.

But even if it’s only enough hope to feed the cat or get out of bed, it’s still real. It’s still yours.

What to hold onto:

• Hope doesn’t need to be huge.
• It just needs to be enough for today.

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10. Remember That Depression Lies

Finally, the most essential reminder: depression lies. And it lies in your own voice.

As Natasha explained:

Depression knows the worst way to say something to you. It knows the way to hurt you the most because it lives in your brain.

The lies sound real. They sound like truth. But they are part of the illness, not your identity.

So what can you do?

• Externalize the depression.
• Use tools like video messages, photos, letters.
• Practice separating your truth from the illness’ voice.

As Terry poignantly observed:

If we were watching this in some movie and there was some mad scientist doing this, we’d be like, ‘Oh, that’s a little far. Really, they can’t have their happy memories?’ But here we are.

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11. Recognize How Depression Isolates You from Gratitude

Many well-meaning people remind those who are struggling to “count their blessings,” but depression blocks access to that sense of appreciation. It filters out even obvious, meaningful positives.

As Carly pointed out:

You’re reminding me of something I already know… I know that, I can’t feel that. And that can almost feel like an added level of despair.

Acknowledging this gap between knowledge and emotional access can help reduce shame and judgment.

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12. Try a Shoulder-to-Shoulder Approach with Yourself

Rather than setting aside special time to record affirmations or journal, Carly suggests using small, daily moments—like a solo drive—as opportunities to connect with yourself gently and honestly.

As Carly shared:

I did it while I was in the car driving. And so… shoulder to shoulder with myself. It really felt like it was for me.

Creating space for self-compassion doesn’t have to be formal. It can be woven into everyday routines.

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13. Build a Toolkit of Options That Change Over Time

Not every strategy works every time. That’s why it’s important to experiment with different supports and know that your needs may evolve.

As Terry reflected:

If you say you access A, B and C and you go, well, they’re not working this time… how many do I have to try before I get to the ‘I’ve got to call my doctor.’ But at least I recognize it as medical now.

Keep a wide variety of supports on hand: videos, notes, apps, therapy, medication, or community.

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Key Takeaways

• Depression can erase or distort memories of joy and identity.
• Tools like letters, photos, and video messages can help reconnect to truth.
• Speaking back to depression—verbally or mentally—is powerful.
• Gratitude and positive thinking are inaccessible, not absent.
• Your voice may be the most trusted voice you can hear in dark moments.

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Final Thoughts

The effects of depression go far beyond sadness. As this episode with Natasha Tracy highlights, one of its most heartbreaking traits is the way it severs us from our past joy—and the possibility of future joy.

But there are ways to fight back. Whether it’s recording a message to your future self, building a collection of happy reminders, or asking loved ones to reflect the truth when you can’t see it—these tools offer a way to hold on.

And when hope feels fragile or memory fails, let this be your reminder: the joy you’ve known hasn’t vanished. It’s simply hidden. And with support, self-kindness, and time, it can be remembered again.

This article summarizes a deeply personal and revealing conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In this episode, guest Isabelle courageously shares her lived experience with depression during and after pregnancy—a topic that is still surrounded by silence and stigma. Through her story, listeners gain insight into a lesser-known diagnosis, antepartum depression, and the raw realities of navigating mental health through motherhood.

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1. Antepartum Depression Is Real — Even If It’s Rarely Talked About

Most people have heard of postpartum depression, but far fewer are familiar with antepartum depression, which occurs during pregnancy. Isabelle was shocked by her own experience of severe depression while carrying a child she very much wanted.

As Isabelle explained:

To say that you’re depressed when you’re pregnant, I mean, people just do not understand that. I wanted to be pregnant—then I just wanted to die.

The assumption that pregnancy always equals joy can isolate those struggling. But between 14-23% of women experience depressive symptoms during pregnancy, according to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.

Key takeaway: We need to broaden the maternal mental health conversation beyond the postpartum period.

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2. The Stigma Can Be Worse During Pregnancy

Depression during pregnancy often feels more taboo than other depressive episodes. Isabelle found that even though people were more accepting when she was depressed in college, being a visibly pregnant woman meant the expectation was constant joy.

As Isabelle shared:

There was more stigma to that than there had been at any other point when I was ever depressed.

Even with a supportive partner and a planned pregnancy, depression can take hold—and that doesn’t make someone a bad mother.

Let’s normalize: Asking pregnant people how they really feel, not just how excited they are. Simply asking, “How are you doing emotionally?” can open up a space for vulnerability and truth.

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3. The Birth Experience Itself Can Be Emotionally Shocking

Isabelle had envisioned a “crunchy,” spiritual birth with yoga, midwives, and natural supplements. But the intensity of childbirth left her emotionally devastated, not enlightened.

As Isabelle revealed:

Nobody told me that the spiritual experience part comes because you believe you’re going to die.

The jarring contrast between expectation and reality can lead to trauma, especially when women are not prepared for the extreme physical and emotional intensity of labor.

Expectations vs. Reality: Honest conversations about childbirth might reduce the emotional whiplash that some new parents experience. Anticipating pain, fear, and chaos as normal possibilities during birth can help parents feel less isolated if their experience doesn’t match the serene picture books.

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4. Sleep Deprivation Can Trigger or Exacerbate Postpartum Depression

Isabelle experienced postpartum depression after the birth of her son, brought on largely by disrupted sleep. Her story highlights how physiological factors like sleep can dramatically worsen mental health.

As Isabelle noted:

That really messed me up.

Sleep deprivation has profound cognitive and emotional consequences. Lack of rest impairs executive function, decision-making, and emotional regulation. For new parents—especially those already managing mental illness—this can tip the balance from coping to crisis.

Helpful tips:

• Prioritize sleep support when preparing for postpartum recovery
• Accept help, even when it feels hard
• Create a realistic plan with your partner or support system
• Consider hiring overnight doulas or rotating sleep shifts when possible

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5. Depression During Pregnancy Can Feel Hormonal, Not Situational

During her second pregnancy, Isabelle felt a shift almost immediately after conception. There was no external trigger—just a wave of intense, unexplainable sadness and rage.

As Isabelle described:

It was like hormonally, some kind of switch was flipped. It was like that all the time through the entire pregnancy.

This experience suggests that maternal depression is often driven by biochemical changes, not just environmental stressors. It can be especially confusing and guilt-inducing when everything “looks fine” from the outside—stable job, supportive spouse, planned pregnancy.

Important reminder: Just because you can’t explain your feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t real. Hormonal fluctuations affect mood, cognition, and even one’s sense of identity.

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6. Depression Doesn’t Always Disappear—But It Can Be Managed

Isabelle has lived with recurring depression for over five years, but she’s found ways to keep it from overtaking her life. She compares it to managing diabetes: it requires ongoing effort and attention.

As Isabelle explained:

Sometimes I’ve got it very much managed… if you’re eating well and you’re exercising and maybe you’re taking your medicine every day, you can keep it in the space you want to keep it in.

Managing mental illness is often about consistency, self-awareness, and sustainable routines. It isn’t a one-time fix, but a daily practice.

Her tools include:

• Therapy (as needed)
• Affordable daycare while she exercises
• Honest conversations with friends
• Mindfulness and acceptance practices

These strategies may not eliminate depression—but they can reduce its grip.

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7. External Circumstances Matter—But Depression Adds Its Own Weight

Isabelle reminds listeners that while life stressors are real, depression distorts them. Learning to hold both realities at once can be empowering.

As Isabelle put it:

You’re depressed. And so, also it feels worse than it is.

This dual awareness—the “yes, and”—helps people navigate their emotions with more self-compassion. Yes, your relationship may be hard. Yes, parenting is overwhelming. And your depression may be amplifying the negativity.

Mental reframing strategies:

• Acknowledge legitimate stressors
• Name the depressive distortion
• Ask for outside perspectives
• Practice gratitude without denying difficulty

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8. Perspective Is a Lifeline in Dark Moments

Even now, Isabelle has days where she feels hopeless. But she has learned how to label those days and wait them out. That skill has saved her more times than she can count.

As Isabelle explained:

You’re having one of those days. It’s not actually real. Like it’s my reality today, but tomorrow I might feel differently.

Bridget, one of the hosts, offers a helpful strategy:

As Bridget shared:

I should write down when I’m in a good space, like a letter to myself to reframe myself and anchor myself in the reality that this is temporary, even though it feels permanent.

Developing tools to preserve perspective is critical for anyone living with recurring depression. That could include:

• Journaling positive moments
• Recording voice memos to your future self
• Keeping a list of reasons to hope
• Saving texts or photos that remind you of brighter days

Write a letter to yourself during good times to reread when depression clouds your mind.

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9. Sitting With Depression Can Be More Healing Than Fighting It

In perhaps the most profound part of her interview, Isabelle describes how accepting her depression—rather than constantly trying to fix it—has helped her feel more stable.

As Isabelle reflected:

Just being in it when you’re in it and trusting that… you’re not going to be there forever.

This concept, often echoed in mindfulness practices, is about surrendering to the wave rather than being dragged under by it. Instead of resisting the pain, you allow it to pass through.

This approach fosters:

• Self-compassion
• Patience with the healing process
• Reduced shame about feeling low

It can feel counterintuitive, but letting yourself “just feel it” may reduce the suffering caused by trying to suppress or escape it.

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Final Thoughts: Embracing the Full Emotional Spectrum of Motherhood

Isabelle’s story offers a much-needed mirror to countless women who feel alone in their struggle with maternal depression. Her raw honesty opens the door to more compassionate and realistic conversations around pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and identity in motherhood.

As Terry eloquently put it:

You can love your baby and you can be freaked out by it. You can love your life and you could be depressed as hell some days.

The idea that emotions must be linear or predictable is unrealistic, especially during times of such immense hormonal and life change. And yet, too many women are left feeling broken or ashamed when their experience doesn’t match the picture-perfect narrative.

As Bridget observed:

They’re actually like putting words to it in a way that is a different play on giving voice to depression that I so appreciate and value.

By giving voice to these nuanced truths, Isabelle reminds us that recovery doesn’t always mean eliminating depression. Sometimes, it means accepting it, preparing for its return, and surrounding ourselves with reminders that we are not alone.

As Isabelle said:

If we could embrace the full spectrum of our human emotions and we could just be okay with sitting in it when we’re depressed, that the depression passes faster.

Motherhood isn’t one feeling. It’s a storm of them. And there’s room for all of it.

And perhaps most important of all, there’s permission to talk about it. Because by sharing what is hard and what hurts, we not only lighten our load—we extend a lifeline to someone else quietly carrying the same weight.

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Key Takeaways

• Antepartum depression is under-recognized, but it affects many pregnant people and deserves more awareness.
• Stigma intensifies during pregnancy, because society expects joy—leaving less room for emotional complexity.
• Postpartum sleep deprivation is a major, often underestimated trigger for mental health decline.
• Hormonal shifts can provoke intense emotional reactions that are not situational or logical.
• Managing depression is a lifelong practice, and support systems like therapy, friends, and exercise can help keep symptoms at bay.
• Depression can distort reality, making everything feel heavier than it is—awareness of this distortion is powerful.
• Perspective is a tool, and strategies like writing letters to your future self can help you get through hard days.
• Acceptance often heals more than resistance, and learning to sit with difficult emotions may help them pass more quickly.
• Voicing our struggles helps others feel less alone—and may be the most healing act of all.

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This article is a summary of a conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In Episode 360, titled “Carrying What We Can’t Name: How Unspoken Pain Becomes a Lifelong Burden,” guest Trina Kennedy shares her powerful story of childhood emotional neglect, trauma, and depression—and how she began healing by learning to name, feel, and share the pain she carried for decades. Through deeply personal reflections and clinical insight, Trina explains how unvalidated distress can become an invisible load we carry for life.

Here are 11+ takeaways from the conversation that explore what trauma is, how it shapes us, and how healing begins when we learn to lay down our burdens.

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1. Trauma Isn’t Just What Happens to Us—It’s What Happens Inside Us

In modern discourse, the word “trauma” is often used loosely, but Trina emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between trauma and stress.

As Trina explained:

Yes, it’s becoming overused and watered down, but we also have to be respectful and mindful that it isn’t us who gets to decide what’s traumatic for someone because we weren’t in their experience, right?

She also referenced the work of Dr. Gabor Maté:

Trauma is what happens inside of us because of what happens to us. So we have to also really be careful that there’s no measuring stick. We can’t go up and go, oh, you know, this is trauma, that’s not trauma, right?

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2. What Looks Fine on the Outside Might Be Devastating on the Inside

Trina grew up in what appeared to be a stable, loving home. But appearances are deceiving. Emotional neglect—especially during moments of distress—can silently wound a child.

As Trina described:

My parents did the best they could with the tools that they had, but they couldn’t give me what they never received. And so I experienced relational trauma, particularly with my dad.

Her father worked hard and provided for the family, but the emotional connection Trina needed was absent.

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3. Unspoken Pain Becomes Heavy Rocks We Carry

Trina introduces the metaphor of “rocks in a backpack” to describe unprocessed emotional pain.

As she put it:

We have to name that feeling, we have to feel it, and then we have to share it. So name it to tame it, feel it to heal it, and share it to bear it.

Without doing so, those unprocessed emotions become emotional weight we carry indefinitely.

When we don’t do that, we have to carry that rock with us and we put it in our backpack and that backpack doesn’t come off.

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4. Children Need Help Completing the “Distress Loop”

Trina gives a heartbreaking example of how her emotional sensitivity was dismissed as a child:

I remember still crying in my bedroom. So my distress system was activated. And my dad walked by and said, “What are you crying about?” you know, in his gruff voice.

She described what might have helped in that moment:

Had he come in and hugged me and said, you know what, you’re such a good friend to feel that way for Carrie… What do you need? What can I do for you? I would have been able to put that rock down.

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5. Suppression Becomes Survival, but at a Cost

As a child, Trina learned to suppress her feelings for survival.

She reflected:

I very quickly armored up because that’s what you do to survive. And that armor became suppressing what I was feeling, suppressing who I thought I was.

That armor protected her temporarily but prevented emotional development.

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6. Depression Often Begins with Accumulated Emotional Neglect

Trina experienced depression and anxiety from a young age.

She explained:

By 14, high anxiety and high depression. And it was about two years before I turned 16 where I started to have suicidal thoughts because… that backpack was heavy.

Without skills, support, or safe relationships, her emotional pain escalated.

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7. Connection Can Be Life-Saving

Trina’s turning point came when her mom found her a psychologist.

As she gratefully recalled:

She changed my life. She was the first person that made me feel seen, heard, understood, and empowered… She just held safe space for the first time where I could start to pull those rocks out, feel them, name them, share them, and put them down.

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8. Healing Is a Lifelong—but Worthwhile—Process

Trina has continued her healing journey well into adulthood.

She shared:

I’m 52 this year and I’m still on my healing journey. So… between today and that day that I met Joan, it’s been messy.

Despite the messiness, she also acknowledged the beauty of healing:

It’s been a messy transition, but also beautiful in so many ways.

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9. Post-Traumatic Growth Is Possible—But Not Guaranteed

Trina highlighted that while resilience is important, growth after trauma is another level.

She said:

Post-trauma growth… that’s the ability to kind of reflect and go, this was my learning. This was my growth in those experiences. I’m actually a better person for those.

That healing led her to help others as a social worker, writer, and advocate.

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10. Healing Doesn’t Happen Alone

Trina emphasized the importance of reaching out:

Healing is possible, but it’s not possible alone. We have to heal in connection to something bigger than ourselves, something outside of ourselves.

She encouraged listeners to take a chance and ask for help:

Please, please, please reach out. Take that risk. Reach out.

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11. Adults Must Admit When They Don’t Have the Tools

Terry and Carly reflected on parenting and the need to recognize personal limitations.

As Terry eloquently put it:

You were my first child and, you know, I hadn’t done it before… So I think that I was, I was grateful to have that option to say, I’m going to connect you with your school counselor.

Carly added an important insight:

The powerful move being, the strong move being, the healthy adult move being to be like, honey, I don’t know. Let’s figure it out.

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12. Pain That Isn’t Validated Becomes Physical

Children often express emotional pain through their bodies.

As Carly explained:

We call it somatization, which is basically that brain thoughts that hurt, they turn into body hurts.

She referenced the artist Karuk and how their song captures the link between emotional distress and physical symptoms:

Their mom didn’t know how to speak with them about what they were feeling, but did know how to give Pepto-Bismol to treat the stomach symptoms.

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13. Even Failed Attempts at Support Matter

Trying to help, even imperfectly, can still be meaningful.

As Carly pointed out:

Kids are checking for that attempt. Are you even trying to help me?

Even if the support isn’t perfect, the act of showing up can be powerful.

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14. A Child’s Pain Needs More Than One Caring Adult

Carly emphasized the importance of a support network:

In terms of childhood trauma, they say that it’s two or more consistent caring adults that are actually able to buffer the impact of childhood trauma.

That safety net can dramatically reduce the long-term impact of distress.

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15. We Must Normalize Mental Health Support

Terry made a key point about destigmatizing therapy:

If something’s wrong with your teeth, I’ll bring it to a tooth doctor. If something’s up with your feelings, I’m going to bring you to a feeling doctor.

Normalizing mental health care helps children understand that support is always an option.

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Final Thoughts: Let’s Teach Children to Put the Rocks Down

Trina’s story is one of unacknowledged pain, emotional suppression, and eventual healing through connection and safe spaces. It challenges the belief that we must endure our pain alone and invites us to become more aware of how we respond to the suffering of others—especially children. Her reflections remind us that healing doesn’t happen in isolation and that seemingly small moments of connection can change the trajectory of a person’s life.

Her insights serve as a reminder to all of us:

• Emotional pain needs validation
• Trauma isn’t weakness—it’s a natural response to unmet needs
• Children and adults alike need people who can simply listen without judgment

We cannot always prevent pain, but we can help each other carry it. Healing doesn’t require fixing someone; it begins by offering presence, empathy, and safety. As Trina modeled, it starts with creating spaces where others can feel seen, heard, and understood.

For anyone struggling to carry what they cannot name: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. And you are not alone.

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Key Takeaways

• Trauma is subjective: It’s not about what happened—it’s about how it felt, and how it shaped you.
• Validation matters: Being heard and believed is a cornerstone of healing.
• Safe relationships heal: Finding someone who can sit with your pain is more powerful than advice or solutions.
• Children need co-regulation: Adults must help children navigate emotions they can’t process alone.
• Suppression creates long-term harm: Emotional avoidance in childhood can become depression in adulthood.
• Support doesn’t need to be perfect: Effort, presence, and honesty go a long way.
• Healing is non-linear: There is no quick fix. But with support, growth is possible.
• Mental health care should be normalized: Therapy is a tool, not a sign of failure.

This article summarizes a powerful conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire and featuring guest Ari Cohen. Ari, a social worker and mental health advocate, shares her deeply personal story of living with depression from childhood, navigating suicidal ideation, and eventually learning to pursue healing for herself—not just for others.

Through Ari’s reflections and the insights of co-host Dr. Anita Sanz, this episode explores the often-overlooked question: Who are you getting better for? It’s a question that reveals the core of how we view ourselves, our worth, and the motivation behind our recovery.

These 11 lessons highlight the emotional and practical takeaways from Ari’s journey—and may help you or someone you love begin to view healing through a new, more self-compassionate lens.

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1. Depression Isn’t Always Obvious—Especially in Children

Ari’s depression began presenting itself not through sadness, but through physical symptoms: fatigue, body aches, and unexplained weight loss.

As Ari recalls:

I had lost 10 pounds, and at 11, you should be growing, not going in the other direction. I showed that I was really not interested in things. I was sleeping a lot more than usual. And I just was pretty numb to a lot of life.

She credits her family doctor for recognizing that something deeper was going on. Instead of brushing off the physical complaints, the doctor discreetly informed Ari’s mother of her concern about the emotional and psychological symptoms.

Key takeaway:

• Depression in young people may look like physical illness.
• Early, compassionate intervention can shift the course of someone’s life.

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2. A Diagnosis Can Become an Identity

Being diagnosed at 11 left Ari with few tools to separate herself from her depression. For years, it was the defining element of her identity.

As she explains:

It used to be at the very beginning [of how I described myself]. And maybe the only thing I ever said about who I was to people.

She adds:

I just embraced this label of depression. Like, this makes so much sense for me. This describes who I am.

Receiving a diagnosis can bring clarity, but when it overshadows the rest of a person’s personality, dreams, or interests, it can limit their sense of identity and possibility.

What helps:

• Practicing language that reflects your whole self.
• Reconnecting with interests and parts of identity lost during struggle.

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3. Medication Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

Shortly after being prescribed antidepressants, Ari began experiencing suicidal thoughts—an effect that was not yet widely discussed for children on these medications.

As Ari recounts:

After taking the medication for two weeks, I had my very first suicidal thoughts. And I wasn’t scared, but I told my mother and she was scared.

That honest conversation with her mother led to immediate medical attention and a revised treatment plan.

Important reminders:

• Side effects don’t mean failure—they mean it’s time for a conversation.
• Being honest about your experience with medication is an act of self-advocacy.

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4. You Can Be in Treatment Without Healing

Despite being in therapy and taking medication, Ari wasn’t on a healing journey—at least not for herself.

She candidly reflects:

I wasn’t really getting better for me. I didn’t know what getting better meant. I was just told by doctors, this is the treatment.

She goes on to say:

I had this goal that I’m gonna look better, do better, so I can go to summer camp.

It wasn’t about wellness—it was about meeting expectations.

This kind of external motivation, while common and sometimes necessary, can prevent us from identifying our own reasons to recover.

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5. Trauma Deepens Depression’s Roots

At 14, Ari’s stepbrother and his girlfriend died by suicide. That loss reshaped her understanding of pain—and deepened her resolve to prevent it from touching her family again.

As she solemnly shares:

I just didn’t ever want to see what I saw happen to the family because of me. I wanted to make sure I did everything I could so that they were spared the pain, just the devastation.

She made a vow in that moment—to ask for help before she ever reached that point herself.

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6. Asking for Help Can Be a Lifesaving Habit

A few years later, after a painful breakup, Ari kept that promise to herself. She told her mom she was in crisis and sought help at a more supportive facility.

For the first time, a clinician asked for her input. As Ari recalls:

This is the first helping person I can remember asking me: What do you think would make it better?

She didn’t hesitate:

I want to meet other kids like me. I want to meet people that are struggling.

That honest desire to feel seen was the start of a new direction in her care.

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7. Finding Your People Changes Everything

Ari found community in an outpatient program that connected her with other teens who were also struggling with their mental health.

As she describes it:

These kids had it harder than I did… and they were still here and they’re still in this room fighting for it.

That experience gave her perspective and solidarity. Her pain no longer existed in a vacuum. She wasn’t broken—she was part of a resilient, fighting community.

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8. Healing for Yourself Requires a Mental Shift

A transformative moment arrived when a therapist posed a life-changing question: “Who are you doing this for?”

Ari admits:

That was the first time I’d been faced with that question and really reflected… No, I’ve never been doing this for me.

She then makes a quiet but powerful declaration:

I was ready to at least try. I’m trying to feel like I am worthy of a life worth living.

That internal motivation didn’t erase her depression, but it shifted her reason for showing up—and that changed everything.

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9. You Deserve Good Things—Because You Exist

Like many who live with depression, Ari struggled with self-worth. She believed good things had to be earned through suffering, sacrifice, or service.

As she explains:

I didn’t really believe that just because I was born, I was worthy of positive things in my life.

The journey to unlearn that belief has been ongoing, but recognizing it was a pivotal start.

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10. Doing It For Yourself Doesn’t Mean Doing It By Yourself

Ari makes an important distinction about solo versus self-guided healing: “Even though I have intrinsic motivation to do this for myself… I’m still not alone with it and I can ask for help.”

She also offers a metaphor that hits home:

You need to fill your gas tank… you eventually will run out and then your car will tell you that you’ve run out.

And as Terry eloquently put it:

Doing something for ourselves… is not the same as doing it by ourselves.

You can do it for you while still leaning on others. Those aren’t opposing truths.

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11. Rediscovering Yourself Takes Time and Gentleness

For Ari, healing also meant gently reintroducing herself to joy, spirituality, and creativity.

She shares:

One of the ways we can come back to ourselves is exploring things that we are passionate about and that we enjoy.

From reading to synagogue attendance to writing letters to her struggles—like one she addressed to “suicide”—Ari used journaling to recognize how much of her identity had been tied to pain.

As she reflects:

Seeing it on paper… that I was owning so much of my identity to these things and not seeing the rest of myself really helped.

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Final Thoughts: You Are Worthy of Healing—Not Just Survival

This episode is a gentle but powerful reminder that healing doesn’t require perfection. It begins with curiosity, honesty, and the willingness to try.

As Dr. Anita Sanz beautifully summarized:

She came to believe that she was a good person and she was worthy of good things… not just because it would make other people feel better, but because she deserved that.

And as Terry reminded listeners:

It was for ourselves, not by ourselves.

Whether you’re surviving for others or struggling to find your reason, Ari’s story shows us that our motivation can shift. You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. You don’t need to love yourself perfectly to believe you deserve care.

Your life matters—to others, yes. But especially to you.

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Key Takeaways

Doing it for yourself doesn’t mean doing it alone. Ask for help. Accept support. Use resources.

Depression in children can appear as physical symptoms. Early attention is key.

Medications require monitoring. Side effects like suicidal ideation are serious and must be reported.

You can be compliant with treatment and still not be healing. Real change requires internal motivation.

External motivators (like family or fear) can keep you alive, but may not sustain healing.

Peer connection is powerful. Community reduces shame and builds hope.

Healing for yourself is a choice—and a process. You don’t have to fully believe it to begin.

You are more than your diagnosis. Rediscover passions and identity beyond the label.

This article is a summary of a heartfelt conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. Each week on the podcast, Terry shares honest, vulnerable conversations with people who live with depression, as well as experts and professionals who offer insights into mental health challenges and recovery.

In Episode 358: “Rebranding MENtal Health,” Terry and her guest co-host — social worker and educator Carly McCollow — sit down with Ethan Getchell, a mental health counselor whose life took a profound turn after the suicide of his brother. What followed was a journey from grief to purpose, as Ethan dedicated himself to rethinking how we approach men’s mental health.

This episode doesn’t just explore why men struggle to open up; it offers practical, compassionate strategies to meet them where they are. Below, we explore 9+ powerful insights from this conversation that can help us all better support the men in our lives — and remind anyone struggling that they are not alone, and there is always a path forward.

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1. Recognize the Cultural Scripts That Shape Men’s Mental Health

Many of us grew up with stories — from movies, TV, even childhood role models — about the tough, independent man who can handle anything on his own. Ethan explains that in the U.S., the idea of the “lone cowboy” or the rugged individualist is deeply ingrained.

Ethan Getchell says:

We haven’t been taught how to build our tribe and community, or how to be vulnerable and emotional.

But the truth is, no one can or should go through life alone. The image of the man who never needs help leaves many men isolated when they inevitably face hardship.

Compassionate reminders:

• Strength is not about facing pain alone — it’s about knowing when to reach out.
• Vulnerability isn’t a flaw; it’s part of being fully human.
• We can all help break the cycle by inviting and normalizing emotional connection.

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2. Understand That Isolation Amplifies Depression

The COVID-19 pandemic showed just how fragile many people’s mental health really is — especially for men who were used to distracting themselves with work, hobbies, or sports.

Ethan says:

That’s where covert depression really takes its biggest form … when you’re isolated in your house, you’re forced to sit with your thoughts.

When the distractions fall away, many men realize they’ve been carrying unspoken pain for a long time. But without support systems or emotional tools, they may feel stuck or overwhelmed.

Encouraging takeaways:

• It’s never too late to start building connection and emotional resilience.
• Even small steps toward connection — a check-in with a friend, joining a group, talking to a counselor — can break the spell of isolation.
• You don’t have to wait for crisis to start caring for your emotional health.

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3. Therapy Needs a Makeover — and We Can Help

Ethan makes an important point: many men avoid therapy because they don’t like how it’s been “sold” to them.

Ethan says:

Why aren’t we getting men into therapy? It’s because the marketing in what men conceptualize and think of when they hear therapy kind of sucks right now.

He points to campaigns like Man Therapy, which use humor and relatable imagery — like “A mustache is no place to hide your emotions” or “Never ignore your mind’s check engine light” — to make mental health care approachable and less intimidating.

We all have a role in this rebranding. Whether you’re a therapist, a friend, or a loved one, the language you use matters.

Ways to help reshape the narrative:

• Frame therapy as a strength, not a sign of weakness.
• Highlight practical, goal-oriented approaches (more on that below!).
• Celebrate men who share their stories — like Ethan — as role models, not exceptions.

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4. Focus on Actionable Behaviors, Not Just Emotions

For some men, the idea of sitting face-to-face in a therapy room talking about feelings is daunting. Ethan adapts his therapeutic approach by starting with behavioral change — something concrete and measurable.

He uses tools like the Habit Share app (which he emphasizes he has no affiliation with) to help clients track daily habits and build momentum.

Ethan says:

You start to acknowledge that your thoughts are influencing you, affecting you — and it’s done through a rebranding and communication style that says, ‘Hey, we’re doing therapy right now, and it’s not hurting you.’

By focusing on behaviors — eating well, exercising, maintaining routines — Ethan helps clients strengthen their mental health in a way that feels tangible and nonthreatening.

Practical tip: Focus first on what you do, and let deeper emotional insights follow naturally over time.

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5. Mind the Core Four Elements: Earth, Water, Fire, Air

In moments of darkness or overwhelm, it’s easy to neglect the basics — but those basics are the foundation of well-being. Ethan uses the metaphor of the four elements to help his clients remember what matters most:

• Earth → Eating (nourish your body)
• Water → Hydration (stay hydrated)
• Fire → Movement (get moving, exercise)
• Air → Breathing (practice calm, meditate, pray)

Ethan says:

The first step to making it better is taking care of the things that sustain your life. In Maslow’s hierarchy, take care of your basic needs first. Even when they’re in a heightened state, they can come back to those four.

These simple, grounding checks can make all the difference when someone feels untethered or overwhelmed.

Encouraging reminder: You don’t have to solve everything today. Start with the basics, and build from there.

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6. Know There’s a Time for Crisis Management — and a Time for Growth

Ethan explains that therapy often unfolds in two phases:

1. Crisis Management — When someone is struggling acutely (suicidal thoughts, intense depression), the focus is on stabilizing and protecting life.
2. Exploration and Growth — Once stability returns, deeper work begins: exploring strengths, reflecting on identity, setting goals, and imagining a hopeful future.

Ethan says:

Once you’re not putting out fires, you can start to explore … then you start to learn some of your strengths, weaknesses, passions.

This compassionate framing reassures us that needing crisis help is not failure — it’s the first courageous step on a longer, richer journey.

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7. Listening is an Act of Love

One of Ethan’s most profound observations is that many young men come to therapy because they don’t have anyone else who truly listens.

Ethan says:

It’s amazing how with just enough persistent, patient listening, you can get them to come out of their shell.

If you have a man in your life who’s struggling, remember: you don’t need to fix him. You don’t need to lecture or advise. You just need to show up, stay curious, and hold space.

Loving ways to listen:

• Ask open-ended questions.
• Resist the urge to immediately problem-solve.
• Offer reassurance: “You might stumble, but it’s not the end.”

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8. Reimagine How We Invite Men Into Support

It’s common to hear people say things like “Dude, you need therapy,” — but that kind of framing can feel shaming or accusatory. Carly highlights how shifting the invitation can make all the difference.

Instead of confronting, try:

• “Hey, you seem overwhelmed. Do you have someone you can talk to?”
• “You’ve been carrying a lot lately — want help finding support?”

As Carly McCollow says:

Even if we change our tone, the voice inside that person’s head might still hear judgment. But if we frame it as concern and care, it’s easier to accept.

The goal isn’t to push people into therapy — it’s to remind them they deserve care, connection, and support.

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9. Create Shoulder-to-Shoulder Spaces

Direct, eye-to-eye conversations can feel intimidating — especially when emotions are involved. Ethan and Carly both emphasize the power of shoulder-to-shoulder connection:

Terry McGuire says:

It’s easier to talk when you’re not looking eye to eye … if you’re in the car, or shooting hoops, or walking together.

These parallel spaces lower defenses and make vulnerability feel safer.

Examples:

• Going for a walk together.
• Joining a dads’ “stroller club.”
• Sharing a drive, or doing an activity side by side.

These aren’t just casual hangouts — they’re quiet invitations to share, support, and remind someone they’re not alone.

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+1 Bonus: Remember, Everyone Needs Support During Life Transitions

Job loss, relationship changes, illness, parenthood — these life transitions can shake even the most grounded people. Therapy and community support aren’t just for “crisis” moments; they’re tools we can all lean on to navigate life’s ups and downs.

Terry says:

You don’t have to be embarrassed. Therapists have heard it before … they hear regularly from people who have really hard times with all kinds of things.

Let’s break the chain: when we get support for ourselves, we ripple that healing outward to the people we love.

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Final Reflections on Men’s Mental Health

This episode of Giving Voice to Depression offers a deeply hopeful and uplifting reminder that meaningful change is not only possible on the individual level, but also across families, communities, and our broader culture. By opening up conversations that challenge outdated ideas about masculinity, strength, and emotional resilience, we begin to create a society where mental health struggles are met with understanding, not judgment.

As Terry so thoughtfully says, these are not merely “difficult” or “uncomfortable” conversations — they are necessary ones. When we rethink how we present therapy, when we invite men into spaces of support with genuine compassion, and when we work intentionally to make vulnerability feel safe rather than shameful, we take important steps toward building a world where no one feels they must suffer silently or carry their burdens alone.

If you or someone you care about is navigating mental health challenges, please remember this: you don’t have to walk this road in isolation. There are caring people ready to listen, to stand beside you, and to remind you — again and again — that healing is not only possible, but that you are deserving of it. You are worth the care, the support, and the hope that recovery can bring.