Tag: Family Involvement

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Overdose & Addiction Grief: Adriana Sansam’s Insights on Coping with Loss, Shame, and Stigma

Addiction is often portrayed in media as a visibly destructive force, leading to immediate chaos and collapse. But for countless individuals and families, the reality is far more subtle, insidious, and heartbreaking. The life of a “high-functioning addict” can exist in a parallel world: one where they successfully run a business, raise a family, and maintain sobriety for years, all while wrestling in private with a relentless, life-threatening disease.

This devastating duality is at the core of the story shared by Adriana Sansam on the Recoverycast podcast. In 2023, she lost her 30-year-old husband, Eric, a devoted father and business owner, to an accidental overdose. Her journey through love, addiction, resilience, and agonizing grief reveals the urgent need to dismantle the stigma surrounding substance use disorder and to understand the immense pressure and isolation felt by both the person struggling and their closest loved ones.

1. The Love Story and the Unexpected Revelation

The beginning of Adriana and Eric’s relationship was a whirlwind of connection and certainty. They met as neighbors, and for Adriana, the attraction and sense of future were immediate. “We just knew,” she said. “When you know, you know.” Their life together moved fast, anchored by a deep mutual affection.

However, the foundation of their relationship was built before Adriana fully understood the hidden chapters of Eric’s past. As she recounted, her initial exposure to hard drugs and addiction was minimal, leading to a naive, movie-like perception of what an “addict” looked like. This perception was shattered one day while innocently rummaging through a desk with Eric.

The discovery of a needle in an old instrument case prompted a serious discussion that would forever change her life. Eric confessed: he was a recovering heroin addict. Adriana’s first reaction was to laugh—she genuinely thought he was joking, as it seemed so incongruous with the man she knew. Eric, however, was serious, explaining he had been in recovery for a year or two. He had already completed treatment and was sober, making the reality feel distant and manageable at first.

The early years of their relationship, while happy, were also a period of “white-knuckling sobriety” for Eric. He continued to drink heavily, a factor Adriana later realized was a significant, unaddressed trigger. For a recovering addict, alcohol can lower inhibitions and judgment, making the decision to use the original drug of choice feel less consequential. A powerful moment highlighted this danger: after a night of heavy drinking, Eric once turned to her and said, “I’m craving. I need to go home because I’m craving drugs. And don’t let me leave.” This was a terrifying first look at the relentless struggle beneath the surface of his successful facade.

See heroin treatment centers.

2. The Internal Demons Driving the Disease

To truly understand Eric’s addiction, one must look into the deep-seated pain and trauma that fueled his struggle. Addiction is rarely about a simple lack of willpower; it’s often a complex response to unresolved psychological and emotional distress. As Adriana explains, Eric was a loving, empathetic person who felt things deeply—a common trait among those who grapple with internal demons.

Eric’s childhood was marked by immense loss and harmful influences. His father died the day before his fifth birthday, leaving a gaping wound. Compounding this, he endured a troubled relationship with a stepfather who was also an addict and who, tragically, introduced Eric to substance use. This environment of early trauma and exposure set a dangerous stage for his future.

The four and a half years of initial sobriety were a testament to Eric’s strength, but the underlying issues were never fully silenced. The relapse came in 2020, during the unique stress landscape of the COVID-19 pandemic. This period brought a convergence of stressors that can be exacerbating factors for addiction, including:

  • Financial Pressure: Eric owned and operated a moving company, which was severely impacted by COVID-related lockdowns and restrictions. He felt the intense pressure of being the sole provider for his growing family.
  • Mental Health Struggles: The pandemic was a global mental health crisis. For Eric, the isolation, uncertainty, and disruption to routines were a perfect storm.
  • Family Stress: Adriana was battling severe postpartum depression following the birth of their first daughter and was pregnant with their second child. This stress, while shared, weighed heavily on Eric, contributing to his feelings of inadequacy and failure.

This perfect storm culminated in Eric’s relapse while Adriana was away. The disease, which had been dormant, reasserted its presence, preying on his mental and emotional vulnerabilities.

3. Recognizing the Mask: Signs of a High-Functioning Addict

When Adriana returned from her trip, she noticed subtle differences in Eric’s behavior, though she didn’t connect them to drug use initially. The relapse of a high-functioning addict is often not signaled by a sudden dramatic breakdown, but by small, almost imperceptible shifts. Eventually, Adriana discovered heroin in his car—a devastating find that Eric initially tried to deny, but confessed to upon seeing her attempt to dispose of it.

For loved ones of high-functioning individuals, recognizing the signs can be incredibly difficult because the core responsibilities of life are still being met. Eric successfully hid his addiction from even his closest family members, including Adriana’s parents, whom he lived with for a year and a half.

Tell-Tale Signs of Hidden Addiction:

  • Excessive Time Away from Home: Eric’s work trips became longer, and he invented reasons to be out for extended periods. This distance provided an opportunity to use away from his family.
  • Increased Frequency of Normal Trips: Eric became “a gas station guy,” multiplying his short trips out. Adriana later realized this was a cover for when he would go get high.
  • Sudden “Sweetness” or Over-Compensation: Eric began offering to go out and get Adriana her favorite coffee, a gesture that seemed loving but was actually a mechanism to get her to let him leave the house. “I didn’t catch on until later is, oh, you wanna get me a coffee so you can go get high?”
  • Emotional Withdrawal and Embarrassment: He would isolate himself while using, often going to work to get high. As Adriana noted, this was out of embarrassment—an attempt to shield his family from witnessing his struggle.

This ability to manage a business and maintain the facade of a “really good husband, really good father” is what makes high-functioning addiction so frighteningly dangerous. It allows the disease to progress out of sight until it’s too late.

4. The Unconventional Path to Support: ‘I’m Not Against You’

When faced with Eric’s relapse, Adriana’s initial reaction was pain and confusion: “Why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me?” This mindset is common for partners, stemming from the deeply ingrained belief that love should be enough to overcome the addiction.

However, as she researched and talked openly with Eric, her perspective shifted from one of personal offense to one of team-based support. Eric played a crucial role in this transition, helping her understand that his actions were not a malicious choice against her, but a symptom of his disease.

The shift in their approach was profound:

  • Disappointment vs. Abandonment: Adriana learned to separate her disappointment in the relapse from her commitment to Eric. She was honest about her anger but firm in her stance: “I am on your team.”
  • The Power of Staying: Eric often told Adriana to leave him, believing she deserved better, but she consistently refused. Her unwavering presence became a lifeline. Addiction often pushes people away out of shame and a desire to protect loved ones from the inevitable pain. Her refusal to be pushed away countered his deep-seated trauma.
  • The Desire for Help: Unlike many who fight the idea of sobriety, Eric always wanted to be clean. He would often call Adriana in distress immediately after using, begging her to come home and throw away his stash for him because he lacked the willpower to do it himself. This shows the addict’s true desire fighting against the compulsion of the disease.

Adriana’s “crazy” actions—the constant checking, location sharing, and accountability—were born out of love and fear, not malice. They were a form of survival. Eric himself later validated her vigilance: “If you weren’t as crazy as you were, I would’ve been dead a very long time ago.”

This validation was essential, highlighting that for a high-functioning addict, extreme accountability from a loved one can sometimes be the only thing keeping them tethered to life.

5. The Isolation of Shame and Stigma

Perhaps the most tragic aspect of their journey was the profound isolation Adriana endured. For years, she kept Eric’s addiction a complete secret from her family, friends, and community. This silence was driven by Eric’s fear of judgment and the pervasive stigma attached to substance use disorder.

This wall of secrecy forced Adriana into “survival mode,” making her feel like a “crazy wife” to the outside world because they couldn’t see the real threat she was fighting. The emotional burden of monitoring, fearing, and keeping silent while living with two small children took a severe toll on her mental health.

The silence broke devastatingly on the day Eric died. In her frantic call to the hotel, yelling that her husband was an addict and needed help, her parents finally heard the truth. This moment underscores a horrifying reality: stigma kills. The fear of being judged prevented Eric from seeking consistent, community-based support, and it prevented Adriana from accessing her own support network, such as Al-Anon, which provides crucial resources for the family members of addicts.

6. The Inevitable Tragedy and the Ongoing Fight Against Stigma

Eric’s death occurred on a work trip in March 2023. Though he was not in a period of active, sustained addiction at the time—Adriana had been drug-testing him and could tell by his behavior—the nature of his death pointed back to the disease. For Eric, the work trips were a time away from accountability, and tragically, a moment of isolation was a moment of vulnerability.

His death revealed a further layer of societal judgment. When Adriana shares how her husband died, she is often met with instant judgment from those who view addiction through the narrow, stereotyped lens of popular culture. They cannot reconcile the image of a loving father and successful businessman with an accidental overdose.

This experience highlights the critical need to view addiction as a chronic disease, not a moral failing. The countless thousands of accidental overdoses are not happening to “nobodies”—they are happening to people like Eric: neighbors, fathers, business owners, and loving partners. This is why conversations like Adriana’s are vital. They humanize the disease and fight the pervasive stigma that keeps people silent and isolated, often with fatal consequences.

7. Finding Hope and Voice: Moving Just for Today

Adriana’s resilience in the face of this incomprehensible loss is a testament to her strength. She now channels her experience into her podcast, Just for Today, a phrase she found in Eric’s recovery journal. It is a philosophy that embraces the idea of coping with the immense weight of grief and the past by focusing only on the present moment.

For those struggling with addiction or supporting a loved one, Adriana’s story offers crucial lessons:

  • Acknowledge the Disease: Recognize that addiction is a chronic, relapsing disease, not a lack of love or moral character. This shift in perspective is the first step toward effective support and reducing your own feelings of disappointment or guilt.
  • Seek Your Own Support: Family and friends need support just as much as the person using. Organizations like Al-Anon or individual therapy can help loved ones process their grief, fear, and anger. Resources for families can be found at Recovery.com’s resource center.
  • Embrace Accountability (With Love): For high-functioning individuals, a strong support system that provides consistent, non-judgmental accountability can be life-saving.
  • Talk About It: Break the cycle of secrecy. Sharing Eric’s story is Adriana’s way of ensuring his life—and his struggle—serves a greater purpose: saving others by normalizing the conversation.

Eric’s life, filled with love, success, and profound internal pain, is a powerful reminder that addiction wears many masks. By confronting the stigma head-on and understanding the complex reality of the high-functioning addict, we can better support those who are struggling just for today and perhaps prevent future tragedies.

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How to Stage an Intervention: 9+ Steps to Take with an Addicted Loved One

If you have a loved one struggling with addiction, it’s easy to feel lost, scared, and powerless. You may find yourself constantly worrying about their well-being, wondering what you can do to help, and questioning if your actions are making the situation better or worse. It’s a painful and confusing experience, but you’re not alone. The first and most crucial step in this journey is to understand that you have more power than you think. While you cannot control your loved one’s choices, you can control your response and, in doing so, create the necessary environment for change.

The Giving Voice to Addiction podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire, delves into this very topic with seasoned interventionist Sam Davis, who has facilitated over a thousand interventions. Davis emphasizes that families are often “wandering around on this roadmap… with no destination” because they don’t truly understand the nature of addiction. The key to moving forward is to get educated, build a unified team, and approach the situation with a clear, loving, and firm strategy. The following steps, inspired by their conversation, can help you navigate this difficult path toward recovery and healing for your entire family.

1. Acknowledge and Address Your Fear

The first thing to recognize is the profound fear that often paralyzes families. This fear stems from a lack of understanding. When you don’t know what addiction is, you become terrified of its effects—watching your loved one “unravel,” as Davis puts it. It’s a natural reaction to a crisis you don’t understand. However, letting fear dictate your actions can lead to enabling behaviors and a cycle of pain and hope. The solution isn’t to ignore the fear but to confront it by seeking knowledge. As Davis states, “A lot of the fear comes from if I don’t understand something, I’m gonna be afraid of it.” By educating yourself, you can replace fear with a clear-headed strategy.

2. Educate Yourself About the Disease of Addiction

Many families operate on misconceptions about addiction. They may believe it’s a moral failing, a lack of willpower, or something their loved one can simply “snap out of.” However, addiction is a complex disease with emotional, mental, and physical components. Davis defines it as an “emotional and mental crisis.” It’s often rooted in underlying pain or trauma, which a person tries to numb with substances. The mind then starts to lie, creating a cycle where the substance is seen as the only solution, even as it causes more damage.

To effectively help your loved one, you must understand the insanity of the disease. This means recognizing that their choices are not logical and that reasoning with them is often “non-productive.” Understanding this will help you shift your expectations from hoping they will make the “right” decision to taking proactive steps to guide them toward a solution. Start by learning the difference between a casual user and someone who is truly addicted, and seek out reputable resources from scientific journals and government websites to deepen your understanding.

3. Build a Unified Family Team

Addiction affects the entire family, but often, each person has a different idea of what the problem and solution are. This lack of unity leaves the family vulnerable and ineffective. Davis stresses that to confront addiction, you need a team. “Everyone has a different idea what the problem is. Everyone has a different idea what the solution should be,” he explains. To get a successful outcome, the family must be on the same page.

The goal is to unify everyone around a single, informed plan. This starts with a family meeting where you all commit to learning about addiction together. You can invite concerned family members, close friends, or anyone else who has influence in your loved one’s life. This team forms a “corral” around the individual, creating a secure environment where they have less room to maneuver or manipulate. This unified front is essential for implementing boundaries and presenting a clear path to recovery.

4. Create a Plan with a Specific Solution

One of the biggest mistakes families make is approaching their loved one without a concrete plan. Vague questions like, “Will you agree to go to treatment?” are easily deflected. Instead, you need to have a specific solution ready. This means doing the research beforehand to find a suitable treatment facility and ensuring a bed is available. The solution should be a place you believe will provide the best possible care for your loved one, not a place you think they will agree to go. “Families need to understand is like, pick a program where you feel like your loved one is going to get the best care possible, not where you feel like your loved one will agree to go to,” Davis advises.

When researching programs, consider the following:

  • Length of Stay: Is it a 30-day program, or is there an option for a longer, more intensive stay?
  • Admissions Team: Do they sound compassionate and knowledgeable, or like a “used car salesman”?
  • Clinical Approach: Do they offer 12-step immersion or just a basic introduction? Do they provide trauma-informed care or more comprehensive trauma healing?
  • Family Involvement: Do they have a family program that keeps you informed and involved in the process, or is it just a brief visitation period?
  • Continuum of Care: What happens after the initial program? Do they offer resources for sober living or aftercare?

Choosing the right program is a critical step, and it should be a decision made by the unified family team, not a negotiation with your loved one’s disease.

5. Learn to Communicate Effectively

Once you have a plan, the next step is to communicate it to your loved one. This is not the time for emotional pleas or blame. It’s about clear, firm, and loving communication. As Davis points out, the more families understand the “manipulation tactics and the thought process of an addicted individual,” the easier it will be to navigate these conversations. The goal is to present the situation and the solution without judgment, focusing on how their addiction has affected you and the family as a whole.

This communication often takes the form of an intervention, which is not about forcing someone into treatment. An intervention is a structured conversation where the family team presents their observations, outlines how the addiction has affected them, and states what they are willing to do (offer treatment) and what they will no longer do (enable the behavior). This approach protects the family’s peace while offering a clear path to recovery.

6. Set and Enforce Boundaries

A crucial part of effective communication is setting clear boundaries. These boundaries are not punishments but a necessary way to protect your well-being and stop enabling your loved one’s addiction. This is often the hardest part for families, who may fear that setting boundaries will cause their loved one to hit “rock bottom.” However, as Davis notes, “As long as families continue to keep them off their emotional bottom… what you’re really doing is removing desperation from an individual that will drive willingness for them to want to change their life.”

Boundaries might include:

  • Not providing financial support.
  • Not allowing them to live in your home.
  • Limiting contact if they are actively using.

The key is to follow through on these boundaries. If you offer a solution and your loved one refuses, you must be prepared to let them experience the natural consequences of their choices. This is the most loving thing you can do, as it allows them to feel the desperation that can lead to genuine willingness to change.

7. Understand and Break the Trauma Bond

Families dealing with addiction are often caught in a “cycle of pain and hope.” You see your loved one struggling, you hope they will change, they make a promise, and you believe them, only to be disappointed again. This cycle creates a trauma bond, a powerful emotional attachment that makes it difficult to make logical decisions. This is why you might find yourself doing things you later regret, like giving them money or bending boundaries you’ve set.

Breaking this trauma bond is essential for your own healing and for your loved one’s recovery. This may require seeking professional help for yourself through therapy, family counseling, or support groups like Al-Anon. By addressing your own emotional needs, you can stop being a “burnout candle trying to light their candle.” You must “light your own candle,” as Davis puts it, so that your light can shine on your loved one and inspire them to seek a better life.

8. Be Willing to Do the Work Yourself

The recovery journey is not just for the person with the addiction; it’s for the entire family. Everything you want your loved one to do—seek help, be honest, and work on themselves—you must be willing to do as well. This means being a model of health and recovery. It means addressing your own pain, attending support groups, and seeking therapy to understand your role in the family dynamic.

Your personal growth is the most powerful tool you have. By focusing on becoming the best version of yourself, you create a healthy and stable environment that your loved one will eventually want to be a part of. This is a journey of self-improvement for everyone involved, and your willingness to do the work can be the catalyst for positive change.

9. Don’t Wait for Rock Bottom

A common misconception is that you have to wait until your loved one hits “rock bottom” before you can intervene. However, as soon as you suspect there’s a problem, it’s time to act. Davis says, “If you think there’s a problem, there’s more than likely a problem. And it’s serious. More serious than you are ready to admit.” Your gut feeling is a powerful indicator that something is wrong.

The sooner you educate yourself and your family, the sooner you can get ahead of the problem. This early intervention may prevent things from escalating to a full-blown crisis. By addressing the issue head-on, you show your loved one that you are committed to their well-being and are ready to create a path toward recovery, no matter how difficult it may be.

Final Thoughts

The path of a loved one’s addiction is filled with pain and uncertainty, but families have more power than they realize. By educating yourself, unifying your family, setting clear boundaries, and being willing to do your own healing work, you can shift from being a passive victim of the disease to a proactive force for change. The most loving thing you can do is offer a clear path to recovery and then step back to allow your loved one to make their own choice. This process is not about “tough love” but about “tough truth,” grounded in a deep love that says, “I will not stand by and watch you destroy yourself, but I will stand by you if you choose to get well.”

To find a treatment center that fits your loved one’s needs, check out Recovery.com.

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Reunification Therapy: Rebuilding the Parent-Child Bond After Estrangement

Reunification therapy is a specialized type of therapy designed to restore the damaged or estranged relationship between a parent and child. 

Most commonly used in cases involving high-conflict divorce, parental alienation, or prolonged separation, this therapy can play an important role in the mental health and emotional well-being of children and families navigating challenging circumstances. 

Illustration showing a man using a fire extinguisher to put out flames between a mother and son standing back-to-back with arms crossed, symbolizing conflict. Caption reads, Reunification therapy isn’t about forcing love, it’s about rebuilding safety.

What Is Reunification Therapy?

Reunification therapy is a targeted form of family therapy that addresses breakdowns in the parent-child relationship.1 These disruptions may arise in the aftermath of child custody disputes, allegations of domestic violence, mental illness, substance abuse, or long-term estrangement. 

The primary goal of reunification therapy is not only to increase parenting time or physical contact between the estranged parent and child but also to rebuild a positive relationship rooted in trust, emotional safety, and open communication.

This type of therapy is often integrated within the framework of family law, especially when child protective services (CPS) or family court are involved. Reunification therapists, often licensed mental health professionals, work collaboratively with family members,2 legal teams, and sometimes extended family to guide the reunification process in the best interest of the child.

Infographic titled Key Goals of Reunification Therapy, featuring an illustration of a therapist guiding a family conversation, with seven icons and goals listed: rebuild emotional safety, restore trust, foster open communication, process past experiences, strengthen the parent-child bond, support the child’s autonomy, and model healthy co-parenting.

Why Do Families Need Reunification Therapy?

Reunification therapy becomes essential when the natural thread between a parent and child has been frayed—or in some cases, nearly severed—by conflict, misunderstanding, trauma, or time. While every family’s story is unique, the need for this kind of therapy often arises in situations where the relationship has become emotionally unsafe, inconsistent, or unavailable. This disconnection can be abrupt or gradual, and the reasons behind it are often tangled in layers of family history, pain, and protective instinct.

Here are some of the most common scenarios in which mental health professionals recommend reunification therapy:

 1. Prolonged Parent-Child Separation

Whether due to parental relocation, incarceration, foster care, deployment, or long-term hospitalization, physical distance can lead to emotional distance.3 Over time, children may form protective narratives about the absent parent, and reunification therapy helps bridge that gap with honesty, empathy, and care.

2. Parental Alienation or Loyalty Conflicts

In some high-conflict divorces, one parent may—intentionally or not—undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent. The child may absorb negative messaging or feel torn between loyalty and love. This results in what is commonly referred to as parental alienation.4 Reunification therapy provides a space to untangle those loyalties, reestablish direct connections, and allow the child to form their own truth.

3. Mental Health or Substance Use Disruptions

If a parent’s struggles with mental illness, substance abuse, or erratic behavior have led to a rupture in the relationship, children may feel frightened, angry, or mistrustful. Once safety is established, reunification therapy can help rebuild the relationship through developmentally appropriate conversation, emotional repair, and consistency.

4. Child’s Resistance or Refusal to Visit

Sometimes, a child flat-out refuses to see a parent. The reasons might not be immediately clear: perhaps there was a harsh disciplinary moment, a misunderstanding, or a more complex emotional trauma. In these cases, reunification therapy explores the child’s feelings and beliefs, helping them make meaning of their experience while opening space for reconnection—if and when they are ready.

5. Family Court or CPS Involvement

In cases involving court-ordered reunification,5 child protective services (CPS), or supervised parenting time, therapy provides a neutral ground where children can feel protected while both parents are supported in their efforts to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship. The goal of reunification therapy is always aligned with the best interests of the child, ensuring that their emotional safety is prioritized alongside legal outcomes.

6. Reunification After Abuse Allegations 

Sometimes past child abuse,6 domestic violence, or unsafe parenting creates the estrangement in the first place. When a parent has worked to address these behaviors—through treatment, evaluation, or court processes—reunification therapy can help them reconnect with their child. The process moves slowly and deliberately, with ongoing safety assessments to protect the child’s well-being and ensure they maintain control over their own experience.

 7. Breakdown of the Co-Parenting Relationship

Sometimes parents struggle to communicate respectfully or stay consistent with each other. Even when there’s no deliberate alienation happening, this ongoing conflict can push a wedge between the parent and child. Children absorb this tension and get caught in the middle. Reunification therapy aims to help parents learn to communicate better and reduce the emotional stress children experience.

8. Complex Family Dynamics and Identity Development

Adolescents, in particular, may begin to question their relationship with a parent as part of their identity development.7 Reunification therapy can serve as a space to process those evolving feelings, especially when compounded by family blending, cultural clashes, or generational trauma.

In each of these situations, reunification therapy offers more than just a clinical service—it provides a relational compass, helping children, parents, and extended family members navigate the emotional terrain of reconnection. At its heart, this type of therapy is about more than just restoring visitation. It’s about re-weaving trust, restoring voice, and giving families a chance to write a new chapter—one rooted in healing, safety, and mutual understanding.

Infographic titled When NOT to Do Reunification Therapy with a visual of a heart trapped in a mouse trap, illustrating risks. It lists seven warning signs: ongoing abuse or safety concerns, unresolved mental illness, court restrictions, severe emotional distress in the child, lack of parental accountability, forced participation without readiness, and manipulation or coercion by either parent.

The Reunification Therapy Process

While every case is unique, the therapy process generally follows a staged approach to support emotional regulation,8 behavioral change, and the restoration of the parent-child bond:

1. Assessment Phase

The clinician conducts interviews with each family member, including the alienated parent, the favored parent, and the child. This includes reviewing previous evaluations, court documents, and input from CPS or other professionals involved. The goal is to assess the family dynamics, identify safety concerns, and understand the child’s feelings and experiences.

2. Psychoeducation and Preparation

All parties are educated about the impact of estrangement, the role of mental health in family breakdowns, and the importance of healthy co-parenting relationships. Parents and children learn about communication skills, emotional regulation, and the developmental effects of prolonged conflict or rejection.

3. Individual Sessions

Before reunification begins, individual therapy sessions may be used to help each person process their emotions, clarify expectations, and build readiness for reunification. For adolescents, this is a key step to support autonomy while ensuring safety.

4. Therapeutic Contact Sessions

Gradual, structured contact is facilitated between the child and the estranged parent. These sessions often begin with supervised therapy sessions and progress to unsupervised time, depending on the child’s comfort and the family’s progress.

5. Integration and Maintenance

As the relationship strengthens, the therapist supports reintegration into day-to-day family life, focusing on sustainable communication, parenting time arrangements, and long-term resilience. Ongoing talk therapy, check-ins, or family therapy may continue to reinforce progress.

Grief, Behavioral Patterns, and the Role of Acceptance

For many, self-harm, emotional withdrawal, or avoidance can become coping mechanisms,9 similar to behavioral patterns seen in substance use disorders. As a result, mourning the loss of these coping patterns—even if they were harmful—is part of the healing process.

Just like recovering from addiction, healing estrangement means saying goodbye to habits that once offered emotional relief. Acceptance, in this context, becomes a powerful part of recovery.

What Works and What Can Get in the Way

Reunification therapy is not a simple fix. It’s a delicate, layered process that requires intention, emotional honesty, and time. At its best, it becomes a space where estranged parents and children can slowly re-learn each other—step by step, moment by moment. But for that to happen, several conditions need to be in place.

Willingness

The willingness of all parties is perhaps the most important ingredient. Parents and children don’t have to be enthusiastic from the start—but they do need to be open. Reunification doesn’t work well when it’s forced without preparation. There needs to be at least a crack in the wall, a readiness to try again. Without that, even the most skilled therapy can feel like shouting into silence.

An Experienced Therapist

Then, there’s the role of the clinician. Reunification therapy calls for more than just technical knowledge. It demands a therapist who can hold tension, navigate high-conflict dynamics, and maintain safety for everyone involved. The therapist becomes both a guide and a witness—someone who can recognize when to move forward and when to pause when to press in, and when to protect space.

Surrounding Support Systems

External systems also matter. When the family court, legal professionals, and external supports like CPS or school staff agree, families are more likely to feel safe enough to engage. Without that alignment, the therapy can become undermined or inconsistent, and children may find themselves caught between competing messages.

The Child Being Genuinely Ready

And then there’s the heart of the work: the child’s readiness. Whether they’re reconnecting with an estranged, rejected, or previously abusive parent, children need space to move at their own pace. Trust is fragile here. The child’s emotional safety must remain the top priority, even if it means slowing the process down.

Of course, reunification doesn’t happen in a vacuum—and not all conditions are ideal.

What Doesn’t Work: Resistance From One or Both Parents 

Sometimes one or both parents are resistant to the process. Sometimes there are unresolved safety concerns or unspoken trauma. Ongoing domestic violence or untreated mental illness can create instability that no therapeutic strategy can overcome without first addressing those urgent needs.

In those moments, reunification therapy may need to pause. Additional individual therapy, legal intervention, or family system stabilization may be necessary before reconnection can begin—or continue.

Reunification is not about quick fixes or checklists. It’s about building something durable, something real. It’s about creating the conditions in which trust can be rebuilt, stories can be re-examined, and healing—slow, uneven, and powerful—can take root.

A Pathway to Healing

Reunification therapy is not a quick fix. It’s a therapeutic process that requires patience, professional guidance, and deep commitment from all involved. But for many families—especially those navigating the aftermath of family court, abuse, mental health challenges, or child custody battles—it can be a lifeline.

With the help of a qualified reunification therapist, families can move beyond estrangement, rebuild positive relationships, and co-create a future that supports their children’s emotional health and well-being.

If your family is navigating estrangement or high-conflict dynamics, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Many treatment centers offer specialized family therapy and reunification services designed to help families heal and reconnect.

Take the first step toward rebuilding your family’s connection and search for family therapy programs near you today.

FAQs

Q: What is reunification therapy?

A: Reunification therapy is a structured therapeutic process aimed at repairing and rebuilding the relationship between a child and a parent when that bond has been strained or broken. It’s most often used in cases of high-conflict divorce, parental alienation, or after a long period of separation or estrangement.

Q: Who typically participates in reunification therapy?

A: The therapy typically involves the child, the estranged parent, and, in some cases, the other parent or legal guardians, depending on the specific situation. A licensed therapist facilitates the process and adapts the approach to meet the unique needs of the family.

Q: Is reunification therapy only court-ordered?

A: No, while the courts in family law cases frequently mandate it, families can also choose to begin reunification therapy voluntarily. In either context, the goal remains the same: to support the healing of a fractured parent-child relationship.

Q: How long does reunification therapy take?

A: The duration depends on several factors, including the severity of the estrangement, the child’s age, the level of conflict, and the willingness of all parties to engage. Some cases may be resolved within a few months, while others may require a year or longer.

Q: What happens during reunification therapy sessions?

A: Sessions may include a mix of individual therapy for the child or parents, family therapy sessions to rebuild connection, and psychoeducation about trauma, communication, and attachment. The therapist may also guide the family through skill-building exercises tailored to their needs.

Q: Is reunification therapy the same as family therapy?

A: While both involve working with family systems, reunification therapy is more specialized and focused on repairing an estranged parent-child relationship. It often occurs within complex or high-conflict legal settings and is guided by clear therapeutic goals tied to reconnection.

Q: How does reunification therapy help the child?

A: It gives the child a safe space to process difficult emotions related to the estrangement, such as fear, grief, or confusion. The process also supports the child in rebuilding trust, navigating loyalty conflicts, and developing healthy communication with both parents.

Q: What qualifications should a reunification therapist have?

A: A reunification therapist should be a licensed mental health professional—such as a psychologist, LMFT, or LCSW—with experience in child development, high-conflict family dynamics, and trauma-informed care. Familiarity with the legal aspects of family law is also highly beneficial.

Q: What are common challenges in reunification therapy?

A: Families may face emotional resistance, unresolved trauma, or loyalty conflicts during the process, making therapy feel intense at times. These challenges are common but can be worked through with consistency and support from a skilled therapist.

Q: Is reunification therapy always successful?

A: While not every case ends in complete relationship restoration, many families experience meaningful progress. Even partial success—such as reducing conflict or improving communication—can create a more stable and emotionally safe environment for the child.

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How Do You Help Someone With an Addiction? 8 Actionable Steps to Support Recovery

Recognizing when a loved one is struggling with substance use can be confusing, heartbreaking, and overwhelming. You may feel desperate to help, but unsure of how to do so without enabling their behavior or pushing them away. 

Fortunately, with patience, compassion, information, and evidence-based strategies, it’s possible to support someone through the recovery process.

1. Recognize the Signs of Addiction in Others

Addiction isn’t always obvious. While some people display clear warning signs, others—especially people with high-functioning addiction—may mask their struggles with problematic drug use or addiction behind a facade of normalcy.

Common signs of addiction1 include:

  • Behavioral red flags: Secrecy, denial, impulsivity, lying, or missing obligations
  • Emotional signs: Mood swings, irritability, anxiety, or depression
  • Physical indicators: Weight changes, bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, or poor hygiene

In people with high-functioning addiction,2 drug or alcohol use may remain hidden due to career success or social engagement. However, you might still notice subtle patterns related to behavioral health like isolation, frequent “bad days,” or noticeable shifts in demeanor. Many also exhibit a cycle of justification, denial, or defensiveness.

For children or young adults,3 these common signs can also include changes in friend groups, a decrease in participation in school functions or extracurriculars, or changes in grades and academic performance.

Two people walking together with one holding a flashlight that creates a beam of light on the path ahead, illustrating supportive companionship in addiction recovery

2. Understand There Is a Why Behind Substance Use

People don’t usually turn to drugs or alcohol just because they’re bored, they use substances to cope with pain, trauma, or emotional overwhelm. Addiction often starts as a form of control of a seemingly uncontrollable situation. 

Substances may offer short-term relief from anxiety, depression, loneliness, or past wounds. In the beginning, the ability to change how you feel with a drink or a pill can seem empowering. But over time, that temporary sense of control, however, can turn into dependency and eventually, loss of control.

Understanding this doesn’t mean you’re excusing the behavior, but it does help you meet your loved one with greater compassion. It shifts the conversation from:

  • “Why don’t you just stop?” to “What are you trying to escape or manage?” 
  • “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened?”

Most people with substance use disorder are carrying deep emotional burdens. Recognizing the underlying why behind their substance use can guide more effective, empathetic support and help you focus not just on the behavior or coping mechanism,4 but the pain beneath it.

3. Educate Yourself About the Science of Addiction

Addiction may not have a one-size-fits-all cure, but with the right knowledge and support, you can be better prepared to support a loved one. One of the most empowering steps you can take is to understand what addiction really is.

Addiction is a chronic brain disease,5 not a moral failing or a lack of willpower. Long-term substance use changes how the brain communicates, especially in areas related to reward, decision-making, and impulse control. This disruption often stems from changes in neurotransmitters like dopamine, which plays a major role in pleasure and motivation.

At first, for your loved one, using substances may feel like a choice, but over time, the brain rewires itself, increasing tolerance and craving while decreasing natural dopamine production. That’s when people often feel “trapped”—not weak, but physically and mentally hooked.

Understanding these biological realities6 helps reduce blame and increases compassion. It also reminds us that support, grace, and education are crucial parts of the healing process.

Infographic showing 5 steps to support a loved one through addiction: Educate yourself, Choose the right moment, Express concern, Offer options not ultimatums, Take care of yourself too. Includes illustration of two people embracing in support.

4. Learn the Dos and Don’ts of Supporting Someone in Addiction

Loving someone with an addiction requires empathy, education, and strong boundaries. You might be feeling helpless, but there are things you can do. Here are some practical ways to offer support:

Do:

  • Listen with compassion. Let them talk openly and acknowledge what they’re feeling without judgment.
  • Set healthy boundaries. Set clear limits around what you’re able to offer and follow through.
  • Learn about addiction and recovery. Understanding substance use, withdrawal, and treatment options can help you support them better.
  • Celebrate progress. Encourage small steps forward and remind them that change takes time.

Don’t:

  • Don’t enable or protect them from consequences. Covering up, making excuses, or giving money can unintentionally prolong the problem.
  • Don’t give ultimatums before they’re ready. Lasting change usually starts with internal motivation, not outside pressure.
  • Don’t blame yourself. Their choices are not your fault, even when it’s hard to watch.
  • Don’t expect them to quit cold turkey. Sudden withdrawal from substances like alcohol or benzodiazepines can cause death without medical support.

Supporting someone who’s struggling with addiction7 can be emotionally draining. It’s important to keep in mind that you matter, too. It’s important to care for your own heart and well-being as you walk alongside your loved one.

You won’t be able to fix everything and that’s okay. Healing is a long road, and it’s not your job to carry it all.

Set boundaries that protect your peace. If a conversation becomes too intense, give yourself permission to step away. A simple pause can make space for clarity, calm, and compassion. Come back when you’re ready with a clearer mind and a softer heart.

And remember: you don’t have to be involved in every part of their journey. Showing up consistently in small, healthy ways often speaks louder than trying to do it all.

Infographic comparing enabling vs. supporting someone with addiction. Enabling behaviors include giving money, ignoring warning signs, taking on their obligations, and making excuses. Supporting behaviors include encouraging treatment, listening with empathy, setting healthy boundaries, and celebrating recovery wins.

5. Understand How to Talk to Someone About Their Addiction

Confronting someone about their substance use is difficult, but it can also be a turning point. To have the best outcome, choose a calm, private setting and use non-threatening language.

First, we need to listen to our loved ones well and listen for language that might indicate that they are getting tired of the way things are. Then we validate that and ask them what it might look like to do something different. ‘What step do you think you might be able to take to move forward?’…We need to be patient and let them feel like they have agency in these decisions.  Walking with them while they figure things out is critical. And of course, we can’t do that if we don’t have boundaries. I love language such as ‘say more about that,’ or ‘Can you tell me more?’ or ‘I’m trying to understand. Can you explain?’ Just listen and be curious because they know what they need and will often come to the conclusion themselves.

Here are a few brief conversation tips that can help you as you communicate with your loved one who may be struggling with an addiction.

Conversation Tips

  • Start with an “I” statement: “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
  • Express concern, not control: “I care about your well-being and want to help.”
  • Avoid labels like “addict” or “junkie,” which can cause shame or defensiveness.

Timing matters. Choose a moment when they’re sober and not in a state of crisis or withdrawal.

6. Decide When and How to Encourage Treatment

Suggesting treatment should be a compassionate invitation, not a demand. If the person is open to help, present options like:

  • Speaking with a mental health professional or healthcare provider
  • Considering inpatient or outpatient addiction treatment programs
  • Exploring evidence-based options such as behavioral therapy, medication-assisted treatment, detox, or other types of medical treatment
  • Encouraging holistic wellness and recovery support services

It’s normal for people to resist the idea at first. Ambivalence doesn’t mean they’re not willing—it often means they’re afraid or unsure of what recovery entails.

How do people change? Over time. With stops and starts, along a crooked line. With practice. With ambivalence. More often than not, without formal help. When the trade-offs seem worth it. With a little help—sometimes a lot of help—from friends and family. With anguish. With effort. With joy.

― Jeffrey Foote, PhD., Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change8

7. Know What to Do if They Refuse Help

Refusal doesn’t mean you should give up. Harm reduction strategies9 can keep your loved one safer, sometimes easing cravings, while leaving the door open for change:

  • Encourage safer practices (like not mixing substances and using clean supplies)
  • Stay emotionally available without enabling
  • Know your limits and take care of yourself

You might need to seek your own mental health support or attend family therapy to cope with feelings of guilt, anger, or helplessness. That’s okay. Recognizing that addiction impacts the entire family and not just the person struggling is key to a healthy recovery journey for everyone.

8. Get Familiar With Resources for Families and Friends

Support services exist for those affected by a loved one’s addiction.10 You are not alone.

  • Al-Anon and Nar-Anon: Peer-led groups for family and friends
  • SMART Recovery Family & Friends: Offers tools based on cognitive behavioral therapy
  • SAMHSA resources that define and discuss recovery principles and supports
  • Thrive Family Recovery Resources that provides in-person and virtual workshops and support groups
  • Books and podcasts that explore addiction and family dynamics
  • Helplines that provide 24/7 support
  • Therapy with a mental health professional familiar with substance use disorders

Helping someone with drug use, drug addiction, or alcohol use isn’t about fixing them—it’s about walking beside them, with compassion and hope. Whether they’re seeking professional help or resisting treatment options, your role matters. Take steps to protect your own well-being, stay informed, and know that recovery is possible for your family member—even when the road is long.

Connect With Professional Support

Ready to connect your loved one with professional help? Find qualified addiction treatment programs in your area that offer personalized care and proven recovery methods.

FAQs

Q: What should you not say to someone who has an addiction?

A: Avoid blaming, shaming, or using stigmatizing terms like “junkie” or “addict” when talking to or about your family member.  Phrases like “just stop” or “you’re ruining everything” often shut down communication. Focus instead on expressing care and concern while encouraging effective treatment options.

Q: How can I help without enabling?

A: Helping without enabling means supporting their recovery, not their addiction. Avoid giving money, covering up consequences, or making excuses. Instead, offer emotional support, resources, and healthy boundaries.

Q: What are some ways to help people who are suffering from addiction?

A: You can help by listening without judgment, offering treatment options, and encouraging small steps toward change. Support groups, harm reduction strategies, and family therapy can also make a difference.

Q: What is substance use disorder (SUD)?

A: A substance use disorder is a medical condition characterized by an uncontrollable urge to use drugs or alcohol despite negative consequences. It affects brain function and behavior and often requires comprehensive treatment.

Q: How do I get a loved one to admit they have a problem?

A: Use “I” statements to express concern, avoid confrontational language, and choose a calm moment to talk. Understand that denial is common and change takes time.

Q: How do I know if someone needs help for their drug or alcohol use?

A: Warning signs of alcohol addiction or other drug abuse include neglecting responsibilities, changes in mood or behavior, secrecy, physical deterioration, and an inability to stop despite consequences. A professional assessment can clarify their needs.

Q: Is there a good way to convey addiction concerns to a family member or friend?

A: Yes. Speak from a place of compassion using statements like, “I’ve noticed some changes and I’m worried.” Choose a quiet time, avoid judgment, and be prepared for resistance.

Q: Are you covered for addiction treatment?

A: Many insurance plans cover addiction treatment, including inpatient, outpatient, and therapy options. Check with your insurance provider or rehab admission team for guidance on available coverage.

Q: What are effective ways to support someone in recovery from addiction?

A: Offer encouragement, celebrate milestones, be patient during setbacks, and avoid substances around them. Attending support groups together and staying informed can strengthen your role in their recovery. Encouraging effective treatment plans that address not only substance use, but also co-occurring mental health conditions, is important.

Q: What steps can I take to support someone seeking addiction recovery?

A: Help research treatment options, provide transportation or childcare if needed, and support attendance in therapy or peer groups. Remind them that recovery is a journey, not a destination.

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Kate Garn’s 13 Insights on Breaking Free From Hidden Alcoholism

Kate Garn joined Recoverycast to share her powerful journey through the depths of alcohol dependence and her inspiring climb toward sobriety. Her story, filled with raw honesty and vulnerability, sheds light on the often-hidden struggles of functional alcoholism, the impact of postpartum depression, and the transformative power of finding connection in recovery. Kate’s narrative underscores the crucial message that addiction doesn’t always look like the stereotypical image, and that finding a path to a healthier life is possible.

1. The Gradual Descent: From Social Drinking to Coping Mechanism

Kate’s relationship with alcohol began in high school, a seemingly typical experience for many. However, what started as occasional social drinking gradually morphed into a coping mechanism, particularly as she navigated the pressures of young adulthood and the drinking culture prevalent in hair school and the service industry.

“It had just become something that was normal to me,” Kate reflected. “It was routine. I wanted to unwind after work. I wanted to, you know, my body hurt, my mind was exhausted, everything. And I just wanted to numb it.” This highlights how easily social drinking can transition into a reliance on alcohol to manage stress and emotions.

2. Postpartum Depression: A Turning Point Towards Dependence

The arrival of her son brought immense joy, but also an overwhelming wave of postpartum depression, exacerbated by a traumatic birth experience. Kate recounted the harrowing moments after her son’s birth, stating, “I still remember the feeling that I had when he started breathing…” This trauma created significant anxiety and sleep deprivation, leading her to self-medicate with alcohol.

“When I stopped breastfeeding after three months, I started drinking all the time. ’cause I could now. Mm-hmm. You know, and I knew that’s what I had used before to calm me down.” This period marked a significant shift towards using alcohol as a primary way to cope with intense emotional distress. Postpartum depression is a serious condition affecting many new mothers and can significantly increase the risk of substance use as a form of self-treatment1.

Explore depression treatment options.

3. The Illusion of Control: Functional Alcoholism

Despite drinking frequently and heavily, Kate’s struggles weren’t immediately apparent to those around her. Even her ex-husband, who witnessed her drinking firsthand, didn’t recognize the extent of her dependence. “‘I wasn’t hiding it. You know, he was right there. But even he didn’t think she’s an alcoholic. And when I look at it, I’m like, how? How did you guys not think it?'”

This illustrates the phenomenon of functional alcoholism, where individuals maintain their daily responsibilities while still struggling with alcohol dependence. This can make it difficult for loved ones to recognize the problem and for the individual to acknowledge it themselves.

4. The Internal Disconnect: Masking Pain with Performance

Kate astutely pointed out the internal conflict she experienced, feeling the need to present a certain image to the world while battling inner turmoil. Tom Farley agrees, stating “They’re putting out this person that they think the world wants to see or that they need to be. And it’s not real. And you feel that inside this doesn’t, this is not real for me. And so therefore the only way I to deal with that feeling, at least for me, was to, was to drink.”

This resonates with many individuals who use substances to cope with feelings of inadequacy or inauthenticity. The constant performance can be exhausting and isolating, further fueling the cycle of dependence.

5. Hitting Rock Bottom: The Desire to Not Exist

Kate’s journey reached a critical point where she no longer wanted to live with the pain and dependence. “On the day that I stopped drinking, I was, you know, it was a bad place. It was scary and I had struggled for a long time, but I, it had hit its peak.” This moment of despair often serves as a catalyst for change, a stark realization that the current path is unsustainable and life-threatening. The fear of the impact her addiction would have on her son also played a significant role in her decision to seek help.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

6. Seeking a Lifeline: The First AA Meeting

Facing her desperation, Kate took a courageous step and searched for resources. “I knew what you see on tv, AA, or rehab. Like, that’s where my mind went. So that’s what I Googled that morning.” Her discovery of a local AA meeting, particularly an all-women’s meeting, proved to be a pivotal moment. The sense of connection and shared experience she found there was crucial in her early sobriety.

7. The Power of Connection: Finding Common Ground

Walking into that first meeting, Kate had preconceived notions about what it would be like. “For me, when I pictured AA meetings, I didn’t picture a bunch of women like me. I pictured a bunch of women who had lost everything. Homeless, you know, worst case scenario.”

Instead, she found a community of regular women who understood her struggles. “To see and hear what these women had to say really like, struck a chord with me. Like, I was like, wow. They are regular people. Living, you know, life every day. Like a lot of people do. Their stories, some of them very similar to mine.” This sense of belonging and relatability is a cornerstone of successful recovery.

8. Beyond Dry Drunk: Embracing the Steps

Early in her sobriety, Kate described herself as a “dry drunk,” indicating that she had stopped drinking but hadn’t yet addressed the underlying issues fueling her addiction. It wasn’t until she began working the 12 Steps that she started to experience true recovery and healing.

“When I finally got, you know, to the point where I was ready to work the steps, because I think before that I just really wasn’t ready. I couldn’t get myself there. So when I finally started doing that and seeing the benefits of it…” The 12 Steps provide a structured framework for self-reflection, accountability, and spiritual growth, which are vital for long-term sobriety.

9. Finding Motivation: Doing It for Someone Else

While the common advice in recovery is to focus on oneself, Kate found her primary motivation in her son. “‘They say do it for you. I do it for him. I’m second there and I know that’s, you know, everyone’s like, no, it’s you. And it’s like, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. It is healthy for me to think this is for Mac because I didn’t value my own life like that.'” This highlights that the path to recovery can be deeply personal, and finding a strong external motivator can be a powerful initial driving force.

10. The Vulnerability of Sharing: TikTok as a Platform for Connection

Kate’s journey took an unexpected turn when she began sharing her experiences on TikTok. This platform became an outlet for her raw honesty and vulnerability, creating a space for connection with others facing similar challenges. “I’m a vulnerable person. I’m raw, I’m honest. That’s what my TikTok is… I just am who I am.” Her willingness to share her struggles openly has resonated with a large audience, fostering a sense of community and reducing the stigma surrounding addiction.

11. The Power of Unseen Support: “I Love Who You Are Sober”

A poignant moment in Kate’s story was her mother’s heartfelt affirmation during a difficult time in early sobriety. “I was crying, and my mom came over and she was like being super supportive to me and I just told her, you know, I want a drink. And she was like, but I love who you are sober. And it just like I do, I get super emotional when talking about that because it’s like, that just shows me like they have never known me.” This powerful statement underscored the profound difference sobriety had made in Kate’s true self, a self that had been obscured by alcohol for so long.

12. Navigating the Journey: Amends and Self-Compassion

Kate touched upon the challenging aspect of making amends in recovery, acknowledging the difficulty of confronting past actions. She also highlighted the importance of self-compassion, recognizing the progress she has made rather than dwelling solely on past mistakes. “‘Getting sober, you realize so many things about yourself when you get sober.’ ‘Well, it’s about your pain, not theirs.'” This emphasizes the introspective nature of recovery and the need to focus on personal healing.

13. The Misunderstanding of Shame: Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Kate addressed the negative feedback she sometimes receives for being so open about her struggles, with some suggesting she should be ashamed. However, her vulnerability is precisely what allows others to feel less alone. By sharing her truth, Kate is breaking down stigma and offering hope to others on their own recovery journeys.

Kate’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of seeking help and connection. Her journey from functional alcoholism and the depths of postpartum depression to a place of sobriety and open sharing offers a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with addiction. It reminds us that recovery is possible, and that finding a supportive community can make all the difference.

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Chelsea Ocean on Losing a Loved One to Alcohol Addiction and Navigating Grief

“I used to call him Jekyll and Hyde because he was a perfect man when he was sober. Handsome and perfect and sweet and kind and loving and hardworking… And then when he was drunk, he was the worst human being on the planet, the most manipulative, conniving, careless…” These powerful words from Chelsea Ocean on Recoverycast paint a stark picture of the duality that often characterizes life with someone struggling with alcoholism. Her raw and honest account of loving and ultimately losing her partner, Dan, to this insidious disease offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating the turbulent waters of addiction in their relationships.

Chelsea’s story is a testament to love, resilience, and the heartbreaking realities of alcoholism. Through her journey, we can glean crucial lessons about recognizing the signs, understanding the progression, and coping with the profound impact of addiction on individuals and their loved ones.

The Illusion of Perfection and the Mask of Addiction

Chelsea recounts the early days of her marriage with Dan as “literally perfect.” This highlights a common phenomenon where individuals struggling with early-stage alcoholism can maintain a seemingly normal and even exceptional facade. As Chelsea notes, “people used to come over and be like, how do you guys have such a perfect marriage? Tell us.” This can make it incredibly difficult to recognize the subtle beginnings of a problem.

However, beneath this veneer of perfection, the insidious nature of addiction can take root. As Chelsea later realized, looking back with knowledge about alcoholism’s progression, they were already in the later stages of addiction by the time she recognized a significant issue. This underscores the importance of understanding the stages of alcoholism to identify potential problems early on.

The Gradual Progression and Missed Warning Signs

Chelsea’s initial unawareness of Dan’s increasing tolerance exemplifies how easily the early stages of alcoholism can be missed, especially by those unfamiliar with heavy drinking. “Before he left, we were in stage two, I would say, where he was building a tolerance. But to me who had not been around alcohol… I never noticed anything. He was fine. He never got drunk.” In a culture where social drinking is prevalent, and a high tolerance can even be seen as somewhat impressive, these early signs can be easily dismissed.

It’s crucial to remember that building a tolerance is a physiological adaptation to regular alcohol consumption and a key indicator of developing dependence. What might seem like simply holding one’s liquor well can be a sign of the body adjusting to increasing amounts of alcohol.

The Impact of Environment and Culture

Chelsea poignantly describes the drinking culture within the military and how it may have contributed to Dan’s early drinking habits. “Dan was that kid where he was drinking very young… he was in the military and they all drink in the military.” The high-stress environment, coupled with a bonding culture centered around alcohol, can create a breeding ground for problematic drinking.

The military has acknowledged the challenges of alcohol misuse within its ranks and has implemented programs aimed at shifting the culture and providing support. However, Chelsea’s experience highlights the potential disconnect between stated policies and the lived realities of service members.

The Isolation and Fear of Seeking Help

Chelsea’s account of the military’s unsupportive stance towards active-duty personnel struggling with addiction is deeply concerning. “If you’re active duty and you are an alcoholic or you’re struggling with some sort of addiction or mental health issue, you are afraid to tell anyone because you will lose your job.” This fear of repercussions can create a significant barrier to seeking help, trapping individuals in a cycle of secrecy and isolation.

This situation underscores the critical need for destigmatizing addiction and mental health issues within high-stakes professions and ensuring accessible and confidential support systems.

Recovery.com offers resources for finding support and treatment options.

The Strain on Relationships and the Burden on Loved Ones

Chelsea vividly portrays the emotional turmoil and practical challenges of living with someone whose personality drastically changes under the influence of alcohol. The “Jekyll and Hyde” analogy perfectly encapsulates this jarring contrast. The unpredictability, disappearances, and the constant state of worry take a significant toll on the mental and emotional well-being of the partner and family.

“And I’m home with a newborn baby without another vehicle and just kind of like, okay, well, if he dies, no one’s going to know because I have no clue where he is.” This desperate situation highlights the profound sense of helplessness and fear experienced by loved ones.

The Futility of Control and the Need for Boundaries

Chelsea’s early attempts to control Dan’s drinking – yelling, fighting, hiding credit cards – are common reactions from loved ones desperately seeking to stop the destructive behavior. However, as she learned, “none of that works. All it does is drive you insane.” Addiction is a complex disease, and the individual struggling with it must ultimately choose recovery.

Establishing healthy boundaries becomes crucial for the well-being of the non-addicted partner. This might involve detaching emotionally from the addict’s behavior and focusing on one’s own self-care and safety.

Read how to set healthy boundaries in relationships affected by addiction.

The Rollercoaster of Hope and Disappointment

The cycle of Dan getting “better and then spiral and then get better and then spiral” is a heartbreakingly common experience for families dealing with addiction. These brief periods of sobriety can offer a glimmer of hope, leading loved ones to believe that change is possible. However, without sustained recovery efforts and addressing the underlying issues, relapse is a significant risk.

“Just enough for me to, like, hold on, like, just enough for me to have hope. Well, okay, he was sober for four weeks this time. So he can be sober.” This highlights the emotional manipulation inherent in the cycle of addiction, where intermittent sobriety can reinforce the partner’s hope and commitment.

The Physical Dependence and the Struggle to Stop

Chelsea’s description of Dan’s physical withdrawal symptoms illustrates the powerful grip of physical dependence in later stages of alcoholism. “He wants to be sober. He doesn’t want to drink, but he can’t, he can’t say no… he has tremors or he would get sweats or he would, you know, get anxiety attacks.” This highlights the medical necessity of proper detoxification and medical supervision for individuals with significant alcohol dependence.

The Erosion of Trust and the Impact of Dishonesty

The lack of “rigorous honesty” that often accompanies active addiction erodes the foundation of trust in a relationship. Even seemingly small lies about drinking habits chip away at intimacy and connection. “How many beers did you have?” becomes a loaded question, and the constant deception creates a climate of suspicion and distrust.

The Cycle of Guilt, Shame, and Relapse

Chelsea astutely points out the vicious cycle of guilt and shame that can perpetuate addiction. The negative behaviors and consequences of being drunk lead to feelings of remorse when sober. However, these feelings can be overwhelming and difficult to manage, often triggering a return to drinking as a way to numb the pain.

“When they get sober, what do they have, like you said, you have the guilt and the shame and you don’t want to feel those things, especially as an alcoholic. You can’t manage it… So what do you do? You drink again because you don’t [want to feel it].” Breaking this cycle requires addressing the underlying emotional and psychological issues that contribute to both the addiction and the inability to cope with sobriety.

The Misguided Attempts to “Fix” and the Powerlessness of Love

Chelsea’s heartbreaking account of trying everything to help Dan, including having another child, reveals the desperate measures loved ones often take in their attempts to “fix” the situation. “You think if I could just give them more good, if I could just put more good in their life, it’ll be enough… I can fix it. I can fix it. But you cannot.”

This realization is crucial. While love and support are essential, they cannot force someone into recovery. The individual with the addiction must ultimately make the choice to seek help and commit to the challenging journey of sobriety. Al-Anon is a support group for families and friends of alcoholics that emphasizes detaching with love and focusing on one’s own well-being.

The Breaking Point and the Need for Self-Preservation

The devastating incident following the birth and open-heart surgery of Chelsea’s second child served as a profound breaking point. Dan’s disappearance during this critical time underscored the severity of his addiction and the threat it posed to the well-being of their family.

“So that happened and after that, I was like, Oh, this is it, like, this is the end. I will raise two children by myself. We are done.” This moment of clarity highlights the critical need for self-preservation when living with active addiction. Setting firm boundaries and being prepared to prioritize one’s own safety and the safety of children is paramount.

Choosing Light and Living Fully

Chelsea’s journey, though marked by profound loss, has evolved into a testament to resilience and healing. Today, she lives a full and meaningful life, carrying Dan’s memory forward with love and honesty. She openly speaks about him with her children, ensuring his place in their family narrative while also imparting the crucial lessons learned from his struggles.

Importantly, Chelsea emphasizes that she carries no burden of blame for Dan’s passing, understanding that addiction is a formidable disease. Her focus now is on living her truth, advocating for awareness, and supporting others navigating similar paths, transforming her personal tragedy into a source of hope and empowerment.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability and Sharing Our Stories

Chelsea Ocean’s courageous sharing of her personal story on Recoverycast offers a beacon of hope and understanding for those touched by alcoholism. Her journey underscores the complexities of loving someone with addiction, the importance of recognizing the signs and stages, and the vital need for support and self-care.

Chelsea’s vulnerability is a powerful reminder that by sharing our experiences, we can break the stigma surrounding addiction, raise awareness, and ultimately help others navigate their own journeys toward healing and recovery. If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol addiction, please know that help is available.

Recovery.com offers a comprehensive directory of treatment centers and resources.

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How to Detox from Alcohol: 5 Essential Tips for a Safe Recovery

Taking the first step toward sobriety can feel daunting, especially when facing the unknowns of alcohol withdrawal.

If you or a loved one is considering detox, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the process. Alcohol detoxification is more than just quitting drinking—it’s about navigating the body’s adjustment to sobriety while managing withdrawal symptoms that can range from mild discomfort to severe medical complications.

Understanding what to expect during detox, recognizing when professional help is necessary, and knowing how to support your body through recovery can make a significant difference.

No matter where you are in your journey, you are not alone—there are resources, medical professionals, and support systems ready to help guide you toward a healthier, alcohol-free life.

Infographic titled 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Trying to Detox Without Professional Support. It includes questions about heavy drinking, withdrawal symptoms, past relapses, and detoxing without supervision. Depending on the answers, the image advises either professional detox or consulting a doctor for home detox.

1. Understand the Process of Alcohol Detox

If you or a loved one1 is struggling with alcohol use disorder, the idea of detoxing may feel overwhelming. Alcohol detoxification is the body’s process of eliminating alcohol consumption2 after prolonged use. For regular drinkers, this can trigger severe withdrawal symptoms,1 including delirium tremens.

How do I know if I am withdrawing from alcohol?

Though the experience of withdrawal from alcohol is slightly different from one person to the next, it is often marked by a combination of physical, emotional, and cognitive symptoms that vary depending on the quantity and duration of alcohol consumed (among other personal factors). Traditional physical symptoms may include tremors, sweating, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, headache, increased heart rate, and in more severe cases, seizures and/or delirium tremens. From a cognitive-emotional standpoint, symptoms may include negative thoughts, anxiety, depression, agitation, et cetera. Symptomatology along these lines is atypical of responsible drinking and may indicate a more significant issue warranting professional support.

Matthew Glowiak, PhD, LCPC, CAADC, ACS, NCC | Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School
Infographic titled Essential Tips for an Alcohol Detox, showing seven strategies: have a good support system, consider professional detox if severe, stay hydrated, eat whole foods, get good sleep, avoid triggers, and redirect your mind. Each tip is paired with a simple icon, and the top-right corner features an alcohol-related graphic.

Why Does Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome Happen?

Drinking alcohol depresses the nervous system,3 slowing brain function and creating a sedative effect. Over time, the brain compensates by increasing excitatory signals. When alcohol use suddenly stops, these heightened signals cause overstimulation, resulting in severe alcohol withdrawal.3

What Are Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms and When Do They Occur?

There are different levels of severity for alcohol withdrawal that range from mild to severe symptoms.

Stages of Alcohol Withdrawal: Withdrawal symptoms typically begin 6 to 24 hours after the last drink1 and can last a week or more, depending on the severity of alcohol dependence. Alcohol withdrawal symptoms can be scary and dangerous, especially if you don’t know what to look for. Having correct information and knowing what to expect can help you or your loved ones prepare.

Mild Symptoms (6-12 hours after last drink)1:

  • Headache
  • Anxiety and restlessness
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Sweating and shaking
  • Insomnia

Moderate Symptoms (12-48 hours after last drink)1:

  • Increased heart rate
  • Tremors and shakiness
  • Confusion and irritability
  • Hallucinations

Severe Symptoms (48-72 hours after last drink – Delirium Tremens)1:

2. Know When You Should Seek Medical Care

Emergency Symptoms:

Seek immediate help from a medical professional5 if you or a loved one1 experiences the following severe withdrawal symptoms:

  • Severe confusion or hallucinations (DTs)
  • Withdrawal seizures
  • High fever
  • Extreme agitation or violent behavior
Illustration of a man in boxing gear punching a giant soda can hanging like a punching bag. The image symbolizes the struggle of alcohol detox. Text on the left says the pain of alcohol detox is temporary but the rewards of recovery are worth the fight.

When should I seek emergency medical care for alcohol detox?

If you or someone you know is going through alcohol detox, it’s important to recognize when to seek emergency medical care. Alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening, so call 911 or get to an ER immediately if you experience seizures, severe confusion, a racing or irregular heartbeat, high fever, or uncontrollable shaking and agitation. Even if symptoms seem mild, it’s always safer to get checked out. The best way to detox is under medical supervision, where professionals are standing by and ready to help.

Janelle Salo, RN | Healthy Earth Living

Can You Detox from Alcohol at Home?

While mild withdrawal symptoms can sometimes be managed at home, medical supervision is strongly advised, especially for those with a history of heavy drinking. Detoxing alone can be dangerous, and individuals should not hesitate to seek professional guidance if necessary.

Professional medical help may be required for those at risk of severe withdrawal. Medical professionals can administer medications to help manage withdrawal symptoms and reduce the likelihood of complications like seizures or DTs.

Even if you think your withdrawal symptoms are mild, always consult a healthcare provider before stopping alcohol use. Their expertise can help determine the safest approach for detoxing based on your health history.

3. Learn How to Care for Yourself During Alcohol Detox

Stay Hydrated

Dehydration is common during alcohol withdrawal due to sweating, vomiting, and diarrhea. Drink plenty of fluids such as water, electrolyte-rich drinks like sports drinks, or coconut water to stay hydrated.

Hydration is key6 for your recovery. Electrolyte imbalances can cause additional complications, so maintaining a balance of sodium, potassium, and magnesium is essential.

Drinking fluids also helps flush out toxins more efficiently, aiding the detoxification process.

Eat Nutritious Foods

Alcohol depletes essential vitamins and minerals, so eating a balanced diet is crucial:

  • B vitamins (found in leafy greens, eggs, and whole grains) help support brain function.
  • Magnesium and potassium (from foods like bananas, avocados, and nuts) are important for muscle relaxation and nerve function.
  • Protein-rich foods (chicken, fish, tofu) will help rebuild strength and energy.

Proper nutrition supports the body’s healing and helps to maintain mental clarity, which can be especially beneficial during the detox process.

A nutrient-rich diet can also combat some of the psychological symptoms, such as mood swings and irritability, that often accompany withdrawal.

Get Plenty of Rest

Fatigue is a common issue during detox. Make sure to create a relaxing environment for sleep, practice deep breathing techniques, and limit screen time before bed.

Adequate rest is crucial during detox for effective recovery.

Sleep helps the body repair and recharge, and it plays a significant role in managing withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, restlessness, and depression.

Consider calming practices like meditation or gentle stretching before bedtime to promote better sleep quality. These restful activities also promote a decrease in blood pressure over time and support for other health conditions.

Avoid Triggers

Being around alcohol or in situations where drinking is encouraged can heighten cravings and tempt you to relapse.

When you try to quit “cold turkey” this can be even more challenging. Removing alcohol from your home and avoid people or places that may provoke drinking may help support the effects of alcohol overuse or dependence.

Avoiding a recurrence of use can be an essential part of long-term recovery. Engage in activities that don’t involve alcohol and help shift your focus to healthier alternatives. Seeking medical advice or other support from medical professionals and therapists can support relapse prevention.

Use Over-the-Counter Medications Cautiously

Some over-the-counter medications may help with common withdrawal symptoms, but should only be used cautiously:

  • Ibuprofen or acetaminophen for headaches and body aches
  • Antacids (e.g., Tums, Pepto-Bismol) for nausea
  • Melatonin or herbal teas to help with sleep issues

While OTC medications can alleviate minor symptoms, they should be used in moderation. Certain medications, especially painkillers, may be harmful if combined with alcohol or if taken in excess.

Always consult with a healthcare professional before using any medication during detox, especially those like diazepam that might be prescribed for medical detox or severe side effects.

Have a Support System

Detoxing alone can be risky. Ask a trusted friend or family member to check in with you regularly, providing emotional support and reassurance.

It is also imperative that a medical provider is included in treatment planning. Having trained and experienced addiction treatment and alcohol detox providers can be key to a successful detox strategy.

Social support7 is a significant factor in successful alcohol detox. Support can come in many forms, whether through emotional encouragement or practical assistance (e.g., helping with meal preparation or attending appointments).

4. Consider Professional Help

Even if detoxing at home, consult a healthcare professional before stopping alcohol use. Some individuals may require medication-assisted treatment (MAT) with benzodiazepines like diazepam to prevent seizures and alleviate withdrawal symptoms.

Find out more about medication-assisted treatment (MAT).8 MAT involves a combination of medications and counseling to help manage withdrawal and reduce cravings. It can be an essential part of the detox process for some individuals.

Why is professional help important when detoxing from alcohol use?

Professional help is very important when someone is detoxing from alcohol use because withdrawal symptoms can be very severe and even life-threatening, requiring medical supervision. During this time, professionals can provide necessary support and interventions to manage symptoms, prevent complications, and ensure individual safety. Additionally, professionals offer a structured environment to the individual for emotional and psychological support, which allows them to address the underlying causes of addiction.

Sorhaya Zamor, RN, PMHNP

Is there a Safer Alternative?

Because alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and even fatal, it is important that individuals and families seek professional, medical advice. Inpatient and outpatient treatment programs provide medically supervised detox and addiction recovery options to make withdrawal safer and more comfortable.

Caring for a loved one during alcohol withdrawal is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. There are medical professionals, support groups, and community resources available to help.

Encourage your loved one to take the next step toward recovery—whether that means entering an inpatient program, attending support groups, or simply reaching out for help.

5. Discover Long-Term Recovery After Detox

Detoxification is only the first step in recovery. Maintaining long-term sobriety requires a multi-faceted approach that can include therapy and counseling, support groups and peer support, and healthy lifestyle changes.

Mental health support can also be a key factor in addressing alcohol detox and alcohol addiction. Connecting with therapy and counseling, support groups, and other supports that promote healthy lifestyle changes can be key. Alcohol use disorder is a medical condition that needs ongoing support and treatment just like other health issues and health conditions.

  • Therapy & Counseling: Behavioral therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help address addiction triggers and support emotional healing. Research shows CBT is effective in treating alcohol use disorders.
  • Support Groups: Programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other peer support groups provide a community of individuals who share similar experiences and can offer support in staying sober.
  • Healthy Lifestyle Changes: Maintaining regular physical activity, eating a balanced diet, and managing stress are essential for sustaining long-term recovery. Studies show that exercise helps reduce alcohol cravings and improve mood during recovery. Healthy lifestyle choices not only support physical health but also improve mental well-being, making it easier to avoid relapse triggers.

Recovery from alcohol dependence is not just about stopping drinking—it’s about reclaiming your life, one step at a time. Alcohol detoxification can be overwhelming, but with the right knowledge, support, and self-care, the process becomes more manageable.

Withdrawal symptoms range from mild discomfort to severe, life-threatening conditions, making medical supervision an important consideration for safety.

Staying hydrated, nourishing your body, getting enough rest, and avoiding triggers are crucial to a successful detox. Most importantly, you don’t have to go through this alone—support from loved ones, professional treatment programs, and recovery groups can make all the difference. The path to sobriety may have its challenges, but every step forward is a step toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.

FAQs

Q: How to detox your body from alcohol?

A: Detoxing from alcohol involves eliminating toxins from your body while managing withdrawal symptoms. The safest way to detox is under medical supervision, especially if you drink heavily. Medical detox programs provide medications to ease withdrawal symptoms and prevent complications.

Q: What happens after 2 weeks of no alcohol?

A: After two weeks without alcohol, many experience improved sleep, better digestion, and increased hydration. The liver starts repairing itself, and inflammation decreases. You may also notice weight loss and a clearer mind.

Q: How long does it take to reset your body from alcohol?


A: The body starts recovering within hours of quitting alcohol. In mild cases, withdrawal symptoms last a few days, but it can take weeks to months for brain chemistry and organ function to fully reset, depending on drinking history.

Q: What happens on day 5 of no alcohol?

A: By day 5, withdrawal symptoms like headaches, nausea, and anxiety typically subside. In some cases, Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) may develop, causing mood swings and sleep disturbances.

Q: How do you detox from alcohol?

A: The safest approach is a medically supervised detox, which may include IV fluids, vitamins, and medications. Home detox can be risky, but if attempted, it should involve proper hydration, nutrition, and medical consultation.

Q: How Long Is Alcohol Detox?

A: Alcohol detox typically lasts 3 to 7 days, though lingering withdrawal symptoms may persist for weeks. The severity of withdrawal depends on drinking habits, amount of alcohol consumed on a regular basis, and individual health factors.

Q: What are the signs of alcohol addiction?

A: Signs of alcohol addiction include:

  • Drinking more than intended
  • Failed attempts to cut down
  • Increased tolerance
  • Withdrawal symptoms when not drinking
  • Prioritizing alcohol over responsibilities

Q: What is alcohol detoxification?

A: Alcohol detox is the process of clearing alcohol from your system while managing withdrawal symptoms. It is the first step in addiction treatment and should ideally be followed by therapy and support groups.

Q: Are you covered for addiction treatment?

A: Many insurance plans cover alcohol detox and rehab programs. Check with your provider to understand your coverage for addiction treatment.

Q: What does it mean to have a substance abuse problem?

A: A substance use disorder occurs when drinking interferes with daily life, relationships, and health. It can range from mild to severe, with addiction requiring professional intervention.

Q: What are the best methods to detox from alcohol at home?

A: If attempting a home detox (only for mild cases), follow these steps:

  • Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.
  • Eat nutritious foods (fruits, vegetables, lean proteins).
  • Take vitamins (especially B vitamins and magnesium).
  • Avoid triggers that encourage drinking.
  • Have medical support available in case of severe withdrawal symptoms.

Q: What are the symptoms of alcohol withdrawal?

A: Alcohol withdrawal symptoms include:

  • Mild: Anxiety, nausea, headache, sweating
  • Moderate: Tremors, increased heart rate, confusion
  • Severe: Seizures, hallucinations, delirium tremens (DTs)
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Starting Recovery Right: How to Find Mental Health and Addiction Treatment

Reaching out for help takes courage—and you’ve already shown that by being here. Whether you’re dealing with addiction, mental health concerns, or both, we know how overwhelming it can feel to find the right care. But you don’t have to figure this out alone. We’ll walk you through your options so you can feel empowered to make the choices that feel right for you.

A quick note about us: Recovery.com is an independent organization that helps people find quality care. We don’t own any treatment centers or take payments to recommend them. Our mission is simple: To give you honest, straightforward information so you can make the best choices for your recovery.

Infographic titled Questions to Ask Yourself When Choosing a Level of Care. It features six questions in speech bubbles about medical support, structure, accountability, stability at home, balancing recovery with responsibilities, and ongoing support. A silhouette of a thoughtful person appears on the right.

Understanding Types of Treatment

Recovery programs offer different levels of care to match your needs. Here’s what you need to know about each option:

Medical Detox: Getting Started Safely

If you’ve been using alcohol, opioids, or benzos regularly, starting with medical detox isn’t just helpful—it’s crucial for your safety. Detox is a safe landing pad where caring medical staff help ease you through those first challenging days. Many treatment centers offer detox onsite, or they can connect you with trusted detox centers nearby.

Have questions about the detox process? Our detox FAQ covers everything you need to know about starting treatment safely.

Inpatient (Residential) Rehab

This is what most people think of as “rehab”—you live at a treatment center while focusing completely on your recovery. It’s like pressing pause on daily life so you can concentrate on healing, with 24/7 support from qualified healthcare professionals. Inpatient programs usually run 30-90 days, and you can stay longer if needed.

Want to learn more about what residential treatment is really like? See our detailed guide to what happens in residential rehab.

What is the best way to find mental health and addiction treatment?

It often takes a few tries to find someone who really gets you. I always recommend starting with therapist directories, and don’t underestimate the power of asking trusted friends, family, or other healthcare providers for referrals. Look for someone who feels attuned to your needs. It’s okay if you don’t click with the first person; fit matters, and it’s worth finding someone who truly feels like a good match.

– Amanda Stretcher, MA, LPC-S | Crescent Counseling

Infographic titled Understanding the Main Levels of Care, outlining seven addiction treatment options: medical detox, inpatient treatment, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient, sober living, continuing care, and virtual treatment. Each level includes typical timelines, settings, and support details. A note at the bottom highlights that moving between levels is normal.

Partial Hospitalization Programs (PHP): The Middle Ground 

Want intensive support but need to sleep in your own bed? Day treatment might be right for you. You’ll spend your days in treatment (usually 30-40 hours weekly) but head home each evening. It’s ideal if you have a stable home life or you’re stepping down from residential care but want to keep that strong support system.

Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP): Flexibility Meets Structure

IOPs are great when you need to balance recovery with real life. You’ll attend treatment 3-5 days a week for a few hours each day, getting solid support while maintaining your daily routine. Many people choose this option when they have work or family commitments they can’t step away from.

Not sure whether you need day treatment or intensive outpatient? Our guide breaks down the key differences between PHPs and IOPs.

Sober Living: Your Recovery Community

Think of sober living as your home base for recovery after completing primary care treatment. You’ll live with others who get what you’re going through, in a substance-free environment that supports your new life. It’s perfect when you want that extra layer of support or need a fresh start.

Continuing Care: Growing Stronger

As you move forward, your needs will change—and that’s totally normal. Your care team will help you build a plan that grows with you, whether that’s regular therapy check-ins, medication support, or practical help with life skills.

Wondering what happens after rehab? Our guide to continuing care explains how to build lasting support for your recovery journey.

Virtual Treatment: Recovery at Your Fingertips

While online health services aren’t for everyone (especially if you need detox or round-the-clock support), they are making care more accessible than ever. If transportation is tough or you need extra scheduling flexibility, virtual options might be just what you’re looking for.

What to Look for in a Treatment Provider

When you’re looking at treatment programs, it helps to know what sets the great ones apart from the rest. Let’s start with one of the most important things to check—their credentials.

All About Licensing and Accreditation 

Accreditation is a stamp of approval from organizations that check healthcare providers for quality and safety. Good programs will have their credentials proudly on display and be happy to talk about them. Not sure about a program’s credentials? You can always double-check them through your state’s licensing board or the Joint Commission’s website.

Here are the important ones to look for:

  • The Joint Commission: This is the gold standard in healthcare. When you see this seal, you know the program meets the highest quality standards.
joint commission seal kydwai carf seal nu6gqq
  • Your state’s Department of Health license: This is your state’s official oversight of treatment programs. Every quality program should have this license, which shows they meet local requirements for providing safe, ethical care.

Want to verify a program’s credentials? Just ask! Ethical admissions teams will be happy to provide any information you need to feel comfortable moving forward.

The People Who Will Support Your Recovery

The heart of any great treatment program is its team. You want people who bring both expertise and compassion to your care. Quality programs have a mix of professionals—from psychiatrists and therapists to counselors and nurses—all working together to support you. Many programs also include team members who’ve been through recovery themselves, bringing both professional knowledge and personal understanding to your care.

Here’s who you’ll meet on your care team:

  • Medical team (doctors, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, etc.): These professionals hold current state medical licenses and specialize in addiction medicine and mental health care. They’re there to keep you safe and comfortable and care for any medical conditions, especially when you’re first starting recovery as a new patient.
  • Therapists and counselors: Your therapists will have state licenses (look for credentials like LMFT, LCSW, or LPC) and experience helping people through recovery. They’re the ones who will work with you one-on-one and in groups to build your recovery skills.
  • Holistic practitioners: Many programs employ wellness professionals who support your whole-person healing through practices like meditation, yoga, art therapy, or nutrition counseling. They work alongside your core clinicians to support your overall well-being.

Don’t hesitate to ask about the team’s experience and credentials—quality programs are proud of their staff and happy to tell you about their qualifications.

Learn what credentials to look for in a quality treatment team in our guide to understanding rehab staff qualifications.

Infographic titled Red Flags to Watch for in a Treatment Provider, listing warning signs such as enrollment pressure, unclear schedules, false promises, hidden costs, shady kickbacks, lack of success stories, and unverified credentials. Each red flag is illustrated with a symbolic icon on a flag background.

Proven Treatment Approaches

The best programs use approaches that science has shown actually help people heal. These aren’t just trendy techniques—they’re proven methods that have helped many people build strong, lasting recovery. 

You’ll work with therapists trained in evidence-based interventions like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), which helps you change unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors. Other proven methods like DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) teach you how to manage emotions and stay present, while ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) helps you build a meaningful life in recovery. These practical tools give you real skills for lasting change.

Want to learn more about what makes these approaches so effective? Check out our guide to evidence-based addiction treatment methods.

Family Involvement

Quality programs understand that addiction affects the whole family. They’ll typically include your loved ones in the recovery process through family therapy sessions, educational programs about addiction, and support for rebuilding relationships. Many also provide resources to help family members with their own healing journey—because recovery is stronger when families heal together.

Get the details on how family therapy works in treatment in our guide to understanding family programs in rehab.

Open Communication

Good treatment programs prioritize clear, honest communication. The staff should take time to explain things clearly, answer your questions thoughtfully, and include you in treatment decisions. They understand that keeping you informed and involved is crucial to your recovery success.

Understanding Costs and Coverage

A trustworthy treatment center will be completely open about the financial side of care. They should explain all costs upfront, help you understand what your insurance plan will cover, and be clear about any additional expenses you might face. Good programs will also walk you through payment options and help you verify your health insurance coverage before you commit. There shouldn’t be any surprise fees or hidden costs along the way.

Get the full details on pricing, insurance coverage, and payment options in our guide to understanding rehab costs.

Watching Out for Red Flags

While there are plenty of reputable treatment programs out there, it’s important to trust your gut if something feels off. Be cautious if a program:

  • Pressures you to enroll right away using aggressive sales tactics
  • Gets vague when you ask about daily schedules or treatment details
  • Makes promises that sound too good to be true, like guaranteeing success
  • Isn’t clear about costs or adds surprise fees
  • Offers kickbacks or referral fees for signing up (this is actually illegal!)
  • Can’t share any success stories or references from past clients
  • Doesn’t have proper licenses and accreditations 

The right treatment center will respect your need to gather information and think things through. They know this is a big decision that shouldn’t be rushed—after all, it’s about your health and recovery.

Sadly, treatment scams are out there—but we can help you spot them. Learn more in our guide to avoiding common rehab scams and unethical practices.

How do I find the right treatment provider for what I need?

Finding the right mental health provider starts with checking your insurance network so you can access care without financial stress. From there, read provider bios carefully—look for someone who specializes in your specific concerns and whose approach resonates with you. If something in their bio feels relatable or comforting, that’s a good sign. And remember, finding a therapist is like finding the right pair of shoes—you might have to try a few on before you find the perfect fit.

– Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP, CIMPH | Astute Counseling & Wellness Services

Practical Steps to Finding the Right Provider

1. Start With a Professional Assessment

Many treatment centers offer free, confidential assessments over the phone to help you understand what level of care might work best for you. Their admissions team will ask about your situation and walk you through your options. You can also talk with your primary care provider (PCP), therapist, or local mental health professional to get their recommendations. The goal is to make sure you find care that fits your needs—you don’t have to commit to anything during these initial conversations.

2. Check Your Insurance Coverage

Most treatment centers have insurance specialists who will check your benefits for free—just call and give them your insurance information. They’ll work directly with your insurance company to find out exactly what’s covered, including how many days of treatment they’ll pay for and what your out-of-pocket costs might be. 

You can also call your insurance provider yourself to learn about your mental health and substance use benefits. Either way, make sure to ask about in-network treatment centers (which usually cost less) and get clear on things like deductibles, out-of-network costs, and co-pays. Don’t worry if this feels overwhelming—that’s why admissions teams are there to help you figure it all out.

Learn more in our complete guide to using insurance (including Medicare) to pay for rehab treatment.

3. Research Your Options

Take some time to explore different types of providers that interest you. Use our treatment finder to get detailed information about each program, including costs, photos, virtual tours, and what day-to-day life is like there. You can also read online reviews about other people’s experiences (keeping in mind that everyone’s journey is different). Many centers welcome in-person visits, too. 

4. Ask the Right Questions

When you talk with treatment centers, don’t be shy about asking questions—the right program will welcome them. Ask what a typical day looks like, what kinds of therapy they offer, and how they’ll help with both substance abuse and mental health conditions. It’s also good to learn about how they include family in treatment and what kind of support they offer after you complete the program. Remember, you’re looking for a place that feels right for you, and these conversations help you get a sense of how they’ll support your recovery.

Make the most of your first conversation with treatment centers using our guide on what to ask when calling rehab admissions teams.

What should I know about health insurance?

When searching for a mental health or addiction treatment provider, understanding your health insurance coverage is crucial to ensure you receive the care you need when you need it without unexpected costs. General considerations may include being knowledgeable of coverage verification, your in- versus out-of-network providers, prior authorization requirements, co-pays, deductibles, co-insurance, out-of-pocket maximums, duration of coverage, treatment types, medications, and anything else specific to your situation. Although your provider’s website may have much of this information readily available, particularly if you explore your personal account, it is recommended to reach out directly should you warrant further clarity. It is especially important to ensure that everything is authorized prior to engaging in treatment, as any issues here may lead to unexpected costs that can add up significantly.

– Matthew Glowiak, PhD, LCPC, CAADC, ACS, NCC | Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School

Illustration of a person confidently walking through an open door into a bright, glowing space with sparkles, accompanied by the motivational text You don’t have to have it all figured out—just take the next step, promoting hope and action in recovery.

Connect With Treatment Today

Recovery is a process that can profoundly change your life for the better. You deserve support in becoming your happiest, healthiest self—and help is available whenever you’re ready to take that next step. Find treatment options near you today.

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How Do I Stop Being Codependent? 5 Expert-Backed Steps to Transform Your Relationships

How to stop being codependent.

Do you find yourself constantly putting others’ needs before your own? Are you the person everyone relies on, even when it drains your energy and emotional resources? You might be experiencing codependency—a pattern where your own sense of purpose and self-worth become tangled up in another person’s life and problems

Codependent relationships create strong emotional patterns. “Helping” people can become almost addictive, even though it leaves you feeling empty and exhausted in the long run. Breaking free from these patterns takes time. But with consistent effort, you can build a healthier relationship with yourself and others. 

Here are 5 key steps you can start taking now:

1. Recognize Your Codependent Patterns

The first step toward change is becoming aware of your codependent behaviors.1 Start paying attention to situations where you feel responsible for others’ emotions or problems. Notice when you automatically put someone else’s needs before your own or when you feel anxious about setting boundaries.

Try keeping a journal to track moments when you feel resentful, exhausted, or unappreciated. Look for the situations or relationships that typically trigger these feelings. You can ask yourself questions like: “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I’m afraid of the consequences if I don’t?” You can even use journal prompts for codependency to help.

Pro tip: Keep in mind that awareness doesn’t mean judgment. These patterns developed for a reason—often as ways to cope with difficult situations. Observing them with curiosity rather than criticism will help you make lasting changes.

Illustration featuring a quote that reads, You should not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. The image shows a distressed man surrounded by flames and a relaxed woman lounging under an umbrella, symbolizing the emotional toll of codependency and the importance of self-care.

What Is Codependency?

Codependency is not officially recognized as a mental illness, but it is taken seriously by mental health professionals, who define it as “an unhealthy devotion to a relationship2 at the cost of one’s personal and psychological needs.” It describes a relational pattern where you become so focused on the problems and needs of others that you neglect your own well-being. It’s more than just caring deeply—it’s when your emotional state, identity, and sense of purpose become excessively wrapped up in someone else’s life.

  • Codependency in Romantic Relationships: In romantic relationships, codependency can look like constantly sacrificing your own preferences, walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, or feeling responsible for your partner’s happiness. You might stay in unhealthy situations because you believe your love can “fix” the other person.
  • Codependency in Family Systems: Within families, codependency often appears as enmeshment—where boundaries between family members become blurred. You might feel obligated to solve everyone’s problems, shield relatives from consequences, or struggle to make decisions without family approval. This is often the case when one family member is struggling with substance abuse.3 
  • Codependency in Friendships: In friendships, codependent behaviors include being the perpetual advice-giver or emotional support while rarely asking for help yourself. You might maintain one-sided friendships because you feel needed, even when these relationships drain you.

How can you discover the signs of being codependent?

Codependency is often rooted in an attachment wound where the nervous system learned early on that safety comes from attuning to others, sometimes at the expense of self. It can look like feeling responsible for managing other people’s emotions while ignoring your own. Another sign is the feeling of unease or even panic when someone is upset with you, leading to people-pleasing or over-functioning in relationships. This can present as feeling tightness in your chest, a constant state of hypervigilance, or struggling to feel grounded in your own body.

Amanda Stretcher, MA, LPC-S | Crescent Counseling

2. Work on Building Self-Esteem

Codependency and low self-esteem usually go hand in hand. When you don’t value yourself, you might look for validation through helping others or staying in unhealthy relationships.

You feel good about yourself mainly when you’re helping others or when people need you. Instead of feeling relieved when a loved one says they don’t need your help, you feel hurt or like you don’t matter anymore.

Start building your self-worth by practicing self-compassion.4 Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend—with kindness and understanding. Make a list of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with what you do for others.

Small acts of self-care also build self-esteem. When you treat yourself with respect—by keeping promises to yourself, taking time for activities you enjoy, or meeting your physical needs—you send yourself the message that you matter.

Pro tip: Daily affirmations can help you shift away from negative self-talk and toward a more positive sense of self. Simple statements like “I’m worthy of love and respect” or “My needs matter” can start to shift your perspective when you say them regularly.

Infographic titled, Common Codependency Behaviors, showing eight heart-shaped rope loops with icons and labels: people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, excessive care-taking, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, fixing instead of supporting, and ignoring your own needs. Visual metaphor emphasizes emotional entanglement in codependent relationships.

Why is boundary setting important in healing from codependency?

When it comes to codependency, one tends to slip away from autonomy, creating enmeshment with the enabler. Setting healthy boundaries, such as adopting and maintaining one’s own intellectual boundaries in a new relationship, is crucial for healing codependency. While maintaining codependency, and therefore not setting boundaries, one loses one’s own identity and essentially forgets how to behave independently due to the behavioral and emotional habits developed through the codependent relationship. Setting boundaries will contribute to an increased sense of self, more confidence, and may even decrease anxiety or depressive symptoms, which can significantly enhance the relationship as a whole.

Jennifer Chicoine, MA, LCPC, CCTP | Peaceful Healing Counseling Services

3. Set and Enforce Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries allow you to create rules or set limits that define where your responsibilities end and another person’s begin. They protect your emotional well-being while allowing you to support others in healthy ways.

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable at first, especially when you’re not used to it. As you do so, keep in mind that boundaries are for you,5 says boundary expert Nedra Glover Tawwab, LCSW:

Changing your behavior and not forcing others to change can be a significant part of setting boundaries…It would be nice if everyone automatically knew how to respect our boundaries. We often have to communicate them clearly and enforce consequences when they are not respected. So, when someone crosses one of my boundaries, I will take action to protect myself and my needs.

Be clear and direct when communicating boundaries. Use “I” statements that focus on your needs rather than accusing the other person. For example, “I need some alone time to recharge” works better than “You’re demanding too much of my time.”

Prepare yourself for pushback. Some people in your life may resist your new boundaries because they benefit from your codependent behaviors. Remember that their reaction isn’t your responsibility, and temporary discomfort is part of creating lasting change.

Consistency is key. When you set a boundary, follow through with it. Each time you maintain a healthy boundary, even when it’s difficult, you’re building new patterns that will eventually replace codependent ones.

4. Learn to Prioritize Your Needs

For many people with codependent tendencies, identifying their own needs can feel foreign. Get in the habit of asking yourself: “What do I want right now?” or “What would feel good to me in this situation?”

Practice making decisions based on your preferences. Start with small choices like what to eat for lunch or what movie to watch, then work up to bigger decisions.

Prepare phrases for when you need to put yourself first. Simple statements like “I need to take care of myself right now” or “I’ll need to check my schedule before committing” give you space to consider your own needs.

Pro tip: Remember that prioritizing your needs isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your well-being and actually leads to healthier relationships. When you’re not depleted from ignoring your own needs, you have more genuine energy to share with others.

Codependency vs. Interdependence

Unlike healthy independence—where 2 people mutually rely on each other while maintaining individual identities—codependency creates an imbalance. Healthy relationships involve give-and-take, with both people supporting each other while respecting boundaries. Both parties feel free to express needs, disagree respectfully, and maintain outside interests and relationships.

The key distinction here is that interdependence strengthens both individuals, while codependency tends to diminish at least one person’s wellness and autonomy over time.

Does your partner or loved one exhibit signs of being codependent?

“Loving someone who is codependent can feel like an emotional roller coaster, but it’s important to remember—you can’t fix them. Their actions often come from a place of love, but they struggle to put themselves first. The best thing you can do is communicate your needs clearly, set firm yet compassionate boundaries, and encourage them to cultivate their own interests. By modeling self-care, independence, and balance, you show them what a healthy, fulfilling relationship looks like.”

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP, CIMPH | Astute Counseling & Wellness Services

Infographic titled, Examples of Boundaries: Small to Big Ways to End Codependency, illustrating five progressive steps: do not offer unsolicited help, say no to favors, speak up about your needs, disagree without fear, and walk away from toxic dynamics. A person walks upward across rising blocks symbolizing personal growth.

Signs of Codependency

Spotting codependent patterns6 in your life is the first big step toward making real change. Everyone’s experience with codependency looks a bit different, but here are some common signs you might recognize in yourself:

  • Excessive caretaking: You almost always put other people’s needs ahead of your own, even when it hurts you. For example, you might stay up all night helping a friend with their project even though you have an important meeting tomorrow, cook fancy meals for your family while you just eat whatever’s left over, or say “yes” to additional tasks when you already feel overburdened.
  • Difficulty setting boundaries: You find it really hard to say “no” when people ask you for favors or your time. You may cancel plans you were looking forward to because a coworker asked for help at the last minute, or you let family members call you during your workday for things that aren’t emergencies.
  • People-pleasing tendencies: You make decisions based on what will make others happy, not what’s best for you. You might agree with someone’s opinion even when you actually think differently, just to avoid any conflict. Or you might take on extra tasks because you’re scared of letting someone down.
  • Fear of abandonment: A codependent person will often work extra hard to keep relationships going because they’re scared people will leave them. This could mean putting up with someone treating you badly or staying in relationships that don’t make you happy because the idea of being alone feels too scary to face.
  • Controlling behaviors: In an attempt to be helpful, you try to control situations or people out of anxiety. This can look like constantly offering unsolicited advice or getting frustrated when someone doesn’t follow your suggestions about how to handle their problems.
  • Difficulty identifying your own feelings: You’re tuned into others’ emotions but disconnected from your own. You might be able to sense when your partner is upset before they even realize it but struggle to answer when someone asks how you’re feeling.
  • Unhealthy attachment to drama or crisis: You feel most purposeful when solving problems and might even unconsciously create or seek out chaotic situations where you can play the rescuer. When times are crisis-free, you may feel anxious, uncertain, or uncomfortable.

5. Seek Support and Professional Help

Overcoming codependency is challenging work, and you don’t have to do it alone. Professional support can make a huge difference in your healing journey.

Therapy, especially with someone who specializes in codependency, family systems, or trauma, can help you understand the roots of your codependent patterns and develop strategies to change them. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) are particularly effective approaches for addressing codependency.

Support groups like Codependents Anonymous (CoDA)6 offer connection with others facing similar challenges. Spending time around others who share your experiences can reduce shame and provide insights for your recovery.

Self-help books about codependency, boundaries, and self-esteem can supplement other forms of support. Look for resources by recognized mental health professionals that offer practical exercises alongside information.

Pro tip: Codependent No More2 and its accompanying workbook by codependency expert Melody Beattie are classics on the topic, and a great place to start. There are also treatment resources available.

Life Beyond Codependency: Your Journey to Emotional Freedom

Breaking free from codependent patterns opens the door to relationships where you can truly be yourself. Working with a professional can accelerate your progress, giving you tools that fit your specific situation and background. Whether you choose one-on-one therapy or a structured program, having expert support gives you the guidance and follow-through that helps make real, lasting change possible.

FAQs

Q: Is it possible to stop being codependent?

A: Yes, codependency is a learned behavior that can be unlearned with self-awareness, therapy, and personal growth. According to Mental Health America, addressing underlying self-esteem issues, setting boundaries, and seeking support are key steps toward breaking free from codependency.

Q: How do you break the codependency cycle?

A: Breaking the cycle of codependency involves recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns, developing self-worth, and learning to set and maintain boundaries. Codependents Anonymous recommends a 12-step recovery process, while therapy and support groups can also be helpful in fostering independence and healthier relationships.

Q: What triggers codependency?

A: Codependency often stems from childhood experiences, such as growing up in an environment where emotional needs were not met or where a caregiver had addiction or mental health struggles. Other triggers include fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and seeking validation through others.

Q: How do you heal codependent tendencies?

A: Healing from codependency involves building self-esteem, practicing self-care, and learning healthy communication. The National Center for Biotechnology Information suggests cognitive behavioral interventions can help individuals develop healthier thought patterns and coping strategies.

Q: How do you prevent a codependent relationship?

A: Preventing codependency starts with self-awareness and setting clear boundaries. Maintaining individual interests, fostering self-worth, and communicating openly with partners or loved ones can help establish interdependent, rather than codependent, relationships.

Q: How does a codependent person feel?

A: A codependent person may feel anxious, responsible for others’ happiness, or emotionally drained. They often struggle with low self-esteem and fear abandonment, leading them to prioritize others’ needs over their own.

Q: Does your partner or loved one exhibit any signs of being codependent?

A: Signs of codependency in a loved one may include excessive caretaking, difficulty setting boundaries, fear of being alone, and reliance on others for self-worth. Mental Health America highlights that codependency can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics.

Q: Why did I develop codependent tendencies?

A: Codependent tendencies often develop from early childhood experiences, such as growing up in a family where emotional neglect, addiction, or controlling behaviors were present. Research indicates that past trauma and adverse childhood experiences significantly contribute to codependency.

Q: How do you overcome codependency?

A: Overcoming codependency requires self-awareness, boundary-setting, and shifting focus to personal well-being. Therapy, support groups, and mindfulness practices have been found to be effective in fostering emotional independence.

Q: What are narcissistic traits?

A: Narcissistic traits include a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, manipulation, and a need for excessive admiration. Codependents often find themselves in relationships with narcissistic individuals due to their caretaking tendencies.

Q: What steps can I take to stop being codependent?

A: Steps to stop being codependent include recognizing unhealthy patterns, building self-esteem, practicing self-care, and seeking therapy or support groups. Developing hobbies and interests outside of relationships can also help foster independence.

Q: What are effective strategies to stop being codependent?

A: Effective strategies include therapy (such as cognitive-behavioral therapy), practicing mindfulness, learning assertiveness skills, and setting firm boundaries. Research suggests that increasing self-awareness and engaging in self-affirmation exercises can aid in breaking codependent habits.

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Nurturing Resilience: Guiding Your Child Through the Storm of Parental Addiction

Dear Parent,

Navigating the tumultuous waters of addiction in your family is challenging, not just for you but profoundly so for your child. As someone standing on the frontline of your child’s world, you hold a lantern of hope that can light their way through this storm. Here’s a heartfelt strategy to help you secure your child’s emotional and psychological well-being during these trying times.

Create a Harbor of Safety

Imagine your home as a safe harbor against the world’s stormy seas. This is where your child can drop anchor and feel protected from outside turbulence. Offer a consistent, calm, and non-judgmental environment where they can freely share their thoughts and emotions. Establish a sense of normalcy and safety through clear boundaries and predictable consequences, ensuring they understand that home is a place of love and security.

Anchor in Routine

The sea might be unpredictable, but your ship must not be. A disciplined schedule brings stability—routine is like the compass that guides sailors through the fog. Regular meals, consistent bedtimes, and a structured daily schedule help impose a rhythm and order that can be incredibly reassuring to a child living in a chaotic environment. This predictability in their day-to-day life helps to foster a sense of control and normalcy.

Encourage the Voyage of Expression

Your child’s journey through their parent’s addiction is fraught with complex emotions. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Provide them with tools for expression like journals, art supplies, or music, which can be therapeutic outlets. Teach them that seeking help and expressing vulnerability are signs of strength, not weakness. Let them know their feelings are valid and they have a safe space to discuss anything without fear of judgment.

Chart the Waters of Understanding

Education is your child’s beacon in the night. Explain addiction in terms they can understand, emphasizing that it is a disease—a medical condition that needs treatment, just like diabetes or asthma. This understanding can demystify their parent’s behavior and relieve some of their fears and misconceptions. They must learn that their parent’s struggles do not define them and that they are not responsible for fixing the problem.

Build a Crew of Support

No ship braves the sea alone. Introduce your child to support groups like Alateen, where they can meet others navigating similar challenges. These peers can become part of their crew, sharing experiences and coping strategies to help them feel less isolated. This community can provide a critical support network, offering friendship and understanding to help them weather their storms.

Promote the Wellness of the Sea and Sky

Encourage your child to engage in physical and creative activities. Physical exercise, like sports or dancing, can significantly reduce stress and improve mood1, while creative outlets like drawing or writing provide a means for emotional release. Activities like these not only occupy their mind and body positively but also help develop confidence and a sense of accomplishment, which are vital during times of personal family crisis.

Seek the Guidance of Seasoned Captains

Sometimes, navigating through a storm requires the expertise of a seasoned captain. A professional therapist or counselor who specializes in addiction and family dynamics can provide your child with a safe space to discuss their feelings and learn healthy coping mechanisms. These professionals can offer guidance tailored to your child’s needs, helping them understand their emotions and develop resilience.

Guard Their Rights and Well-being

A guardian must sometimes stand up and fight the waves in tumultuous times. If your family’s situation puts your child’s well-being at risk, involving child protective services or seeking legal advocacy may be necessary. Ensuring that your child has a stable, safe living environment is paramount, and sometimes additional interventions are necessary to protect their mental and physical health.

In Closing

You are the captain of this ship, and your steadfast love and support are the guiding stars in your child’s sky. Remember, your efforts to provide stability, understanding, and compassion during this storm will shape their ability to navigate life’s challenges. With your guidance and the right support, your child can emerge stronger, more resilient from this storm and with a bright horizon ahead.

With warmth and support,

Dr. Mala