Tag: Family Involvement

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How Do You Help Someone With an Addiction? 8 Actionable Steps to Support Recovery

Recognizing when a loved one is struggling with substance use can be confusing, heartbreaking, and overwhelming. You may feel desperate to help, but unsure of how to do so without enabling their behavior or pushing them away. 

Fortunately, with patience, compassion, information, and evidence-based strategies, it’s possible to support someone through the recovery process.

1. Recognize the Signs of Addiction in Others

Addiction isn’t always obvious. While some people display clear warning signs, others—especially people with high-functioning addiction—may mask their struggles with problematic drug use or addiction behind a facade of normalcy.

Common signs of addiction1 include:

  • Behavioral red flags: Secrecy, denial, impulsivity, lying, or missing obligations
  • Emotional signs: Mood swings, irritability, anxiety, or depression
  • Physical indicators: Weight changes, bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, or poor hygiene

In people with high-functioning addiction,2 drug or alcohol use may remain hidden due to career success or social engagement. However, you might still notice subtle patterns related to behavioral health like isolation, frequent “bad days,” or noticeable shifts in demeanor. Many also exhibit a cycle of justification, denial, or defensiveness.

For children or young adults,3 these common signs can also include changes in friend groups, a decrease in participation in school functions or extracurriculars, or changes in grades and academic performance.

Two people walking together with one holding a flashlight that creates a beam of light on the path ahead, illustrating supportive companionship in addiction recovery

2. Understand There Is a Why Behind Substance Use

People don’t usually turn to drugs or alcohol just because they’re bored, they use substances to cope with pain, trauma, or emotional overwhelm. Addiction often starts as a form of control of a seemingly uncontrollable situation. 

Substances may offer short-term relief from anxiety, depression, loneliness, or past wounds. In the beginning, the ability to change how you feel with a drink or a pill can seem empowering. But over time, that temporary sense of control, however, can turn into dependency and eventually, loss of control.

Understanding this doesn’t mean you’re excusing the behavior, but it does help you meet your loved one with greater compassion. It shifts the conversation from:

  • “Why don’t you just stop?” to “What are you trying to escape or manage?” 
  • “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened?”

Most people with substance use disorder are carrying deep emotional burdens. Recognizing the underlying why behind their substance use can guide more effective, empathetic support and help you focus not just on the behavior or coping mechanism,4 but the pain beneath it.

3. Educate Yourself About the Science of Addiction

Addiction may not have a one-size-fits-all cure, but with the right knowledge and support, you can be better prepared to support a loved one. One of the most empowering steps you can take is to understand what addiction really is.

Addiction is a chronic brain disease,5 not a moral failing or a lack of willpower. Long-term substance use changes how the brain communicates, especially in areas related to reward, decision-making, and impulse control. This disruption often stems from changes in neurotransmitters like dopamine, which plays a major role in pleasure and motivation.

At first, for your loved one, using substances may feel like a choice, but over time, the brain rewires itself, increasing tolerance and craving while decreasing natural dopamine production. That’s when people often feel “trapped”—not weak, but physically and mentally hooked.

Understanding these biological realities6 helps reduce blame and increases compassion. It also reminds us that support, grace, and education are crucial parts of the healing process.

Infographic showing 5 steps to support a loved one through addiction: 1) Educate yourself, 2) Choose the right moment, 3) Express concern, 4) Offer options not ultimatums, 5) Take care of yourself too. Includes illustration of two people embracing in support.

4. Learn the Dos and Don’ts of Supporting Someone in Addiction

Loving someone with an addiction requires empathy, education, and strong boundaries. You might be feeling helpless, but there are things you can do. Here are some practical ways to offer support:

Do:

  • Listen with compassion. Let them talk openly and acknowledge what they’re feeling without judgment.
  • Set healthy boundaries. Set clear limits around what you’re able to offer and follow through.
  • Learn about addiction and recovery. Understanding substance use, withdrawal, and treatment options can help you support them better.
  • Celebrate progress. Encourage small steps forward and remind them that change takes time.

Don’t

  • Don’t enable or protect them from consequences. Covering up, making excuses, or giving money can unintentionally prolong the problem.
  • Don’t give ultimatums before they’re ready. Lasting change usually starts with internal motivation, not outside pressure.
  • Don’t blame yourself. Their choices are not your fault, even when it’s hard to watch.
  • Don’t expect them to quit cold turkey. Sudden withdrawal from substances like alcohol or benzodiazepines can cause death without medical support.

Supporting someone who’s struggling with addiction7 can be emotionally draining. It’s important to keep in mind that you matter, too. It’s important to care for your own heart and well-being as you walk alongside your loved one.

You won’t be able to fix everything and that’s okay. Healing is a long road, and it’s not your job to carry it all.

Set boundaries that protect your peace. If a conversation becomes too intense, give yourself permission to step away. A simple pause can make space for clarity, calm, and compassion. Come back when you’re ready with a clearer mind and a softer heart.

And remember: you don’t have to be involved in every part of their journey. Showing up consistently in small, healthy ways often speaks louder than trying to do it all.

Infographic comparing enabling vs. supporting someone with addiction. Enabling behaviors include giving money, ignoring warning signs, taking on their obligations, and making excuses. Supporting behaviors include encouraging treatment, listening with empathy, setting healthy boundaries, and celebrating recovery wins.

5. Understand How to Talk to Someone About Their Addiction

Confronting someone about their substance use is difficult, but it can also be a turning point. To have the best outcome, choose a calm, private setting and use non-threatening language.

Pam Lanhart, Founder and Director of Thrive Family Recovery Services shares:

First, we need to listen to our loved ones well and listen for language that might indicate that they are getting tired of the way things are. Then we validate that and ask them what it might look like to do something different. ‘What step do you think you might be able to take to move forward?’

We need to be patient and let them feel like they have agency in these decisions.  Walking with them while they figure things out is critical. And of course, we can’t do that if we don’t have boundaries. I love language such as ‘say more about that,’ or ‘Can you tell me more?’ or ‘I’m trying to understand. Can you explain?’ Just listen and be curious because they know what they need and will often come to the conclusion themselves.

Here are a few brief conversation tips that can help you as you communicate with your loved one who may be struggling with an addiction.

Conversation Tips

  • Start with an “I” statement: “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
  • Express concern, not control: “I care about your well-being and want to help.”
  • Avoid labels like “addict” or “junkie,” which can cause shame or defensiveness.

Timing matters. Choose a moment when they’re sober and not in a state of crisis or withdrawal.

6. Decide When and How to Encourage Treatment

Suggesting treatment should be a compassionate invitation, not a demand. If the person is open to help, present options like:

  • Speaking with a mental health professional or healthcare provider
  • Considering inpatient or outpatient addiction treatment programs
  • Exploring evidence-based options such as behavioral therapy, medication-assisted treatment, detox, or other types of medical treatment
  • Encouraging holistic wellness and recovery support services

It’s normal for people to resist the idea at first. Ambivalence doesn’t mean they’re not willing—it often means they’re afraid or unsure of what recovery entails.

How do people change? Over time. With stops and starts, along a crooked line. With practice. With ambivalence. More often than not, without formal help. When the trade-offs seem worth it. With a little help—sometimes a lot of help—from friends and family. With anguish. With effort. With joy.

― Jeffrey Foote, PhD., Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change8

7. Know What to Do if They Refuse Help

Refusal doesn’t mean you should give up. Harm reduction strategies9 can keep your loved one safer, sometimes easing cravings, while leaving the door open for change:

  • Encourage safer practices (like not mixing substances and using clean supplies)
  • Stay emotionally available without enabling
  • Know your limits and take care of yourself

You might need to seek your own mental health support or attend family therapy to cope with feelings of guilt, anger, or helplessness. That’s okay. Recognizing that addiction impacts the entire family and not just the person struggling is key to a healthy recovery journey for everyone.

8. Get Familiar With Resources for Families and Friends

Support services exist for those affected by a loved one’s addiction.10 You are not alone.

  • Al-Anon and Nar-Anon: Peer-led groups for family and friends
  • SMART Recovery Family & Friends: Offers tools based on cognitive behavioral therapy
  • SAMHSA resources that define and discuss recovery principles and supports
  • Books and podcasts that explore addiction and family dynamics
  • Helplines that provide 24/7 support
  • Therapy with a mental health professional familiar with substance use disorders

Helping someone with drug use, drug addiction, or alcohol use isn’t about fixing them—it’s about walking beside them, with compassion and hope. Whether they’re seeking professional help or resisting treatment options, your role matters. Take steps to protect your own well-being, stay informed, and know that recovery is possible for your family member—even when the road is long.

Connect With Professional Support

Ready to connect your loved one with professional help? Find qualified addiction treatment programs in your area that offer personalized care and proven recovery methods.

FAQs

Q: What should you not say to someone who has an addiction?

A: Avoid blaming, shaming, or using stigmatizing terms like “junkie” or “addict” when talking to or about your family member.  Phrases like “just stop” or “you’re ruining everything” often shut down communication. Focus instead on expressing care and concern while encouraging effective treatment options.

Q: How can I help without enabling?

A: Helping without enabling means supporting their recovery, not their addiction. Avoid giving money, covering up consequences, or making excuses. Instead, offer emotional support, resources, and healthy boundaries.

Q: What are some ways to help people who are suffering from addiction?

A: You can help by listening without judgment, offering treatment options, and encouraging small steps toward change. Support groups, harm reduction strategies, and family therapy can also make a difference.

Q: What is substance use disorder (SUD)?

A: A substance use disorder is a medical condition characterized by an uncontrollable urge to use drugs or alcohol despite negative consequences. It affects brain function and behavior and often requires comprehensive treatment.

Q: How do I get a loved one to admit they have a problem?

A: Use “I” statements to express concern, avoid confrontational language, and choose a calm moment to talk. Understand that denial is common and change takes time.

Q: How do I know if someone needs help for their drug or alcohol use?

A: Warning signs of alcohol addiction or other drug abuse include neglecting responsibilities, changes in mood or behavior, secrecy, physical deterioration, and an inability to stop despite consequences. A professional assessment can clarify their needs.

Q: Is there a good way to convey addiction concerns to a family member or friend?

A: Yes. Speak from a place of compassion using statements like, “I’ve noticed some changes and I’m worried.” Choose a quiet time, avoid judgment, and be prepared for resistance.

Q: Are you covered for addiction treatment?

A: Many insurance plans cover addiction treatment, including inpatient, outpatient, and therapy options. Check with your insurance provider or rehab admission team for guidance on available coverage.

Q: What are effective ways to support someone in recovery from addiction?

A: Offer encouragement, celebrate milestones, be patient during setbacks, and avoid substances around them. Attending support groups together and staying informed can strengthen your role in their recovery. Encouraging effective treatment plans that address not only substance use, but also co-occurring mental health conditions, is important.

Q: What steps can I take to support someone seeking addiction recovery?

A: Help research treatment options, provide transportation or childcare if needed, and support attendance in therapy or peer groups. Remind them that recovery is a journey, not a destination.

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Kate Garn’s 13 Insights on Breaking Free From Hidden Alcoholism

Kate Garn joined Recoverycast to share her powerful journey through the depths of alcohol dependence and her inspiring climb toward sobriety. Her story, filled with raw honesty and vulnerability, sheds light on the often-hidden struggles of functional alcoholism, the impact of postpartum depression, and the transformative power of finding connection in recovery. Kate’s narrative underscores the crucial message that addiction doesn’t always look like the stereotypical image, and that finding a path to a healthier life is possible.

1. The Gradual Descent: From Social Drinking to Coping Mechanism

Kate’s relationship with alcohol began in high school, a seemingly typical experience for many. However, what started as occasional social drinking gradually morphed into a coping mechanism, particularly as she navigated the pressures of young adulthood and the drinking culture prevalent in hair school and the service industry.

“It had just become something that was normal to me,” Kate reflected. “It was routine. I wanted to unwind after work. I wanted to, you know, my body hurt, my mind was exhausted, everything. And I just wanted to numb it.” This highlights how easily social drinking can transition into a reliance on alcohol to manage stress and emotions.

2. Postpartum Depression: A Turning Point Towards Dependence

The arrival of her son brought immense joy, but also an overwhelming wave of postpartum depression, exacerbated by a traumatic birth experience. Kate recounted the harrowing moments after her son’s birth, stating, “I still remember the feeling that I had when he started breathing…” This trauma created significant anxiety and sleep deprivation, leading her to self-medicate with alcohol.

“When I stopped breastfeeding after three months, I started drinking all the time. ’cause I could now. Mm-hmm. You know, and I knew that’s what I had used before to calm me down.” This period marked a significant shift towards using alcohol as a primary way to cope with intense emotional distress. Postpartum depression is a serious condition affecting many new mothers and can significantly increase the risk of substance use as a form of self-treatment1.

Explore depression treatment options.

3. The Illusion of Control: Functional Alcoholism

Despite drinking frequently and heavily, Kate’s struggles weren’t immediately apparent to those around her. Even her ex-husband, who witnessed her drinking firsthand, didn’t recognize the extent of her dependence. “‘I wasn’t hiding it. You know, he was right there. But even he didn’t think she’s an alcoholic. And when I look at it, I’m like, how? How did you guys not think it?'”

This illustrates the phenomenon of functional alcoholism, where individuals maintain their daily responsibilities while still struggling with alcohol dependence. This can make it difficult for loved ones to recognize the problem and for the individual to acknowledge it themselves.

4. The Internal Disconnect: Masking Pain with Performance

Kate astutely pointed out the internal conflict she experienced, feeling the need to present a certain image to the world while battling inner turmoil. Tom Farley agrees, stating “They’re putting out this person that they think the world wants to see or that they need to be. And it’s not real. And you feel that inside this doesn’t, this is not real for me. And so therefore the only way I to deal with that feeling, at least for me, was to, was to drink.”

This resonates with many individuals who use substances to cope with feelings of inadequacy or inauthenticity. The constant performance can be exhausting and isolating, further fueling the cycle of dependence.

5. Hitting Rock Bottom: The Desire to Not Exist

Kate’s journey reached a critical point where she no longer wanted to live with the pain and dependence. “On the day that I stopped drinking, I was, you know, it was a bad place. It was scary and I had struggled for a long time, but I, it had hit its peak.” This moment of despair often serves as a catalyst for change, a stark realization that the current path is unsustainable and life-threatening. The fear of the impact her addiction would have on her son also played a significant role in her decision to seek help.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment options.

6. Seeking a Lifeline: The First AA Meeting

Facing her desperation, Kate took a courageous step and searched for resources. “I knew what you see on tv, AA, or rehab. Like, that’s where my mind went. So that’s what I Googled that morning.” Her discovery of a local AA meeting, particularly an all-women’s meeting, proved to be a pivotal moment. The sense of connection and shared experience she found there was crucial in her early sobriety.

7. The Power of Connection: Finding Common Ground

Walking into that first meeting, Kate had preconceived notions about what it would be like. “For me, when I pictured AA meetings, I didn’t picture a bunch of women like me. I pictured a bunch of women who had lost everything. Homeless, you know, worst case scenario.”

Instead, she found a community of regular women who understood her struggles. “To see and hear what these women had to say really like, struck a chord with me. Like, I was like, wow. They are regular people. Living, you know, life every day. Like a lot of people do. Their stories, some of them very similar to mine.” This sense of belonging and relatability is a cornerstone of successful recovery.

8. Beyond Dry Drunk: Embracing the Steps

Early in her sobriety, Kate described herself as a “dry drunk,” indicating that she had stopped drinking but hadn’t yet addressed the underlying issues fueling her addiction. It wasn’t until she began working the 12 Steps that she started to experience true recovery and healing.

“When I finally got, you know, to the point where I was ready to work the steps, because I think before that I just really wasn’t ready. I couldn’t get myself there. So when I finally started doing that and seeing the benefits of it…” The 12 Steps provide a structured framework for self-reflection, accountability, and spiritual growth, which are vital for long-term sobriety.

9. Finding Motivation: Doing It for Someone Else

While the common advice in recovery is to focus on oneself, Kate found her primary motivation in her son. “‘They say do it for you. I do it for him. I’m second there and I know that’s, you know, everyone’s like, no, it’s you. And it’s like, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. It is healthy for me to think this is for Mac because I didn’t value my own life like that.'” This highlights that the path to recovery can be deeply personal, and finding a strong external motivator can be a powerful initial driving force.

10. The Vulnerability of Sharing: TikTok as a Platform for Connection

Kate’s journey took an unexpected turn when she began sharing her experiences on TikTok. This platform became an outlet for her raw honesty and vulnerability, creating a space for connection with others facing similar challenges. “I’m a vulnerable person. I’m raw, I’m honest. That’s what my TikTok is… I just am who I am.” Her willingness to share her struggles openly has resonated with a large audience, fostering a sense of community and reducing the stigma surrounding addiction.

11. The Power of Unseen Support: “I Love Who You Are Sober”

A poignant moment in Kate’s story was her mother’s heartfelt affirmation during a difficult time in early sobriety. “I was crying, and my mom came over and she was like being super supportive to me and I just told her, you know, I want a drink. And she was like, but I love who you are sober. And it just like I do, I get super emotional when talking about that because it’s like, that just shows me like they have never known me.” This powerful statement underscored the profound difference sobriety had made in Kate’s true self, a self that had been obscured by alcohol for so long.

12. Navigating the Journey: Amends and Self-Compassion

Kate touched upon the challenging aspect of making amends in recovery, acknowledging the difficulty of confronting past actions. She also highlighted the importance of self-compassion, recognizing the progress she has made rather than dwelling solely on past mistakes. “‘Getting sober, you realize so many things about yourself when you get sober.’ ‘Well, it’s about your pain, not theirs.'” This emphasizes the introspective nature of recovery and the need to focus on personal healing.

13. The Misunderstanding of Shame: Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Kate addressed the negative feedback she sometimes receives for being so open about her struggles, with some suggesting she should be ashamed. However, her vulnerability is precisely what allows others to feel less alone. By sharing her truth, Kate is breaking down stigma and offering hope to others on their own recovery journeys.

Kate’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of seeking help and connection. Her journey from functional alcoholism and the depths of postpartum depression to a place of sobriety and open sharing offers a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with addiction. It reminds us that recovery is possible, and that finding a supportive community can make all the difference.

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Chelsea Ocean on Losing a Loved One to Alcohol Addiction and Navigating Grief

“I used to call him Jekyll and Hyde because he was a perfect man when he was sober. Handsome and perfect and sweet and kind and loving and hardworking… And then when he was drunk, he was the worst human being on the planet, the most manipulative, conniving, careless…” These powerful words from Chelsea Ocean on Recoverycast paint a stark picture of the duality that often characterizes life with someone struggling with alcoholism. Her raw and honest account of loving and ultimately losing her partner, Dan, to this insidious disease offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating the turbulent waters of addiction in their relationships.

Chelsea’s story is a testament to love, resilience, and the heartbreaking realities of alcoholism. Through her journey, we can glean crucial lessons about recognizing the signs, understanding the progression, and coping with the profound impact of addiction on individuals and their loved ones.

The Illusion of Perfection and the Mask of Addiction

Chelsea recounts the early days of her marriage with Dan as “literally perfect.” This highlights a common phenomenon where individuals struggling with early-stage alcoholism can maintain a seemingly normal and even exceptional facade. As Chelsea notes, “people used to come over and be like, how do you guys have such a perfect marriage? Tell us.” This can make it incredibly difficult to recognize the subtle beginnings of a problem.

However, beneath this veneer of perfection, the insidious nature of addiction can take root. As Chelsea later realized, looking back with knowledge about alcoholism’s progression, they were already in the later stages of addiction by the time she recognized a significant issue. This underscores the importance of understanding the stages of alcoholism to identify potential problems early on.

The Gradual Progression and Missed Warning Signs

Chelsea’s initial unawareness of Dan’s increasing tolerance exemplifies how easily the early stages of alcoholism can be missed, especially by those unfamiliar with heavy drinking. “Before he left, we were in stage two, I would say, where he was building a tolerance. But to me who had not been around alcohol… I never noticed anything. He was fine. He never got drunk.” In a culture where social drinking is prevalent, and a high tolerance can even be seen as somewhat impressive, these early signs can be easily dismissed.

It’s crucial to remember that building a tolerance is a physiological adaptation to regular alcohol consumption and a key indicator of developing dependence. What might seem like simply holding one’s liquor well can be a sign of the body adjusting to increasing amounts of alcohol.

The Impact of Environment and Culture

Chelsea poignantly describes the drinking culture within the military and how it may have contributed to Dan’s early drinking habits. “Dan was that kid where he was drinking very young… he was in the military and they all drink in the military.” The high-stress environment, coupled with a bonding culture centered around alcohol, can create a breeding ground for problematic drinking.

The military has acknowledged the challenges of alcohol misuse within its ranks and has implemented programs aimed at shifting the culture and providing support. However, Chelsea’s experience highlights the potential disconnect between stated policies and the lived realities of service members.

The Isolation and Fear of Seeking Help

Chelsea’s account of the military’s unsupportive stance towards active-duty personnel struggling with addiction is deeply concerning. “If you’re active duty and you are an alcoholic or you’re struggling with some sort of addiction or mental health issue, you are afraid to tell anyone because you will lose your job.” This fear of repercussions can create a significant barrier to seeking help, trapping individuals in a cycle of secrecy and isolation.

This situation underscores the critical need for destigmatizing addiction and mental health issues within high-stakes professions and ensuring accessible and confidential support systems.

Recovery.com offers resources for finding support and treatment options.

The Strain on Relationships and the Burden on Loved Ones

Chelsea vividly portrays the emotional turmoil and practical challenges of living with someone whose personality drastically changes under the influence of alcohol. The “Jekyll and Hyde” analogy perfectly encapsulates this jarring contrast. The unpredictability, disappearances, and the constant state of worry take a significant toll on the mental and emotional well-being of the partner and family.

“And I’m home with a newborn baby without another vehicle and just kind of like, okay, well, if he dies, no one’s going to know because I have no clue where he is.” This desperate situation highlights the profound sense of helplessness and fear experienced by loved ones.

The Futility of Control and the Need for Boundaries

Chelsea’s early attempts to control Dan’s drinking – yelling, fighting, hiding credit cards – are common reactions from loved ones desperately seeking to stop the destructive behavior. However, as she learned, “none of that works. All it does is drive you insane.” Addiction is a complex disease, and the individual struggling with it must ultimately choose recovery.

Establishing healthy boundaries becomes crucial for the well-being of the non-addicted partner. This might involve detaching emotionally from the addict’s behavior and focusing on one’s own self-care and safety.

Read how to set healthy boundaries in relationships affected by addiction.

The Rollercoaster of Hope and Disappointment

The cycle of Dan getting “better and then spiral and then get better and then spiral” is a heartbreakingly common experience for families dealing with addiction. These brief periods of sobriety can offer a glimmer of hope, leading loved ones to believe that change is possible. However, without sustained recovery efforts and addressing the underlying issues, relapse is a significant risk.

“Just enough for me to, like, hold on, like, just enough for me to have hope. Well, okay, he was sober for four weeks this time. So he can be sober.” This highlights the emotional manipulation inherent in the cycle of addiction, where intermittent sobriety can reinforce the partner’s hope and commitment.

The Physical Dependence and the Struggle to Stop

Chelsea’s description of Dan’s physical withdrawal symptoms illustrates the powerful grip of physical dependence in later stages of alcoholism. “He wants to be sober. He doesn’t want to drink, but he can’t, he can’t say no… he has tremors or he would get sweats or he would, you know, get anxiety attacks.” This highlights the medical necessity of proper detoxification and medical supervision for individuals with significant alcohol dependence.

The Erosion of Trust and the Impact of Dishonesty

The lack of “rigorous honesty” that often accompanies active addiction erodes the foundation of trust in a relationship. Even seemingly small lies about drinking habits chip away at intimacy and connection. “How many beers did you have?” becomes a loaded question, and the constant deception creates a climate of suspicion and distrust.

The Cycle of Guilt, Shame, and Relapse

Chelsea astutely points out the vicious cycle of guilt and shame that can perpetuate addiction. The negative behaviors and consequences of being drunk lead to feelings of remorse when sober. However, these feelings can be overwhelming and difficult to manage, often triggering a return to drinking as a way to numb the pain.

“When they get sober, what do they have, like you said, you have the guilt and the shame and you don’t want to feel those things, especially as an alcoholic. You can’t manage it… So what do you do? You drink again because you don’t [want to feel it].” Breaking this cycle requires addressing the underlying emotional and psychological issues that contribute to both the addiction and the inability to cope with sobriety.

The Misguided Attempts to “Fix” and the Powerlessness of Love

Chelsea’s heartbreaking account of trying everything to help Dan, including having another child, reveals the desperate measures loved ones often take in their attempts to “fix” the situation. “You think if I could just give them more good, if I could just put more good in their life, it’ll be enough… I can fix it. I can fix it. But you cannot.”

This realization is crucial. While love and support are essential, they cannot force someone into recovery. The individual with the addiction must ultimately make the choice to seek help and commit to the challenging journey of sobriety. Al-Anon is a support group for families and friends of alcoholics that emphasizes detaching with love and focusing on one’s own well-being.

The Breaking Point and the Need for Self-Preservation

The devastating incident following the birth and open-heart surgery of Chelsea’s second child served as a profound breaking point. Dan’s disappearance during this critical time underscored the severity of his addiction and the threat it posed to the well-being of their family.

“So that happened and after that, I was like, Oh, this is it, like, this is the end. I will raise two children by myself. We are done.” This moment of clarity highlights the critical need for self-preservation when living with active addiction. Setting firm boundaries and being prepared to prioritize one’s own safety and the safety of children is paramount.

Choosing Light and Living Fully

Chelsea’s journey, though marked by profound loss, has evolved into a testament to resilience and healing. Today, she lives a full and meaningful life, carrying Dan’s memory forward with love and honesty. She openly speaks about him with her children, ensuring his place in their family narrative while also imparting the crucial lessons learned from his struggles.

Importantly, Chelsea emphasizes that she carries no burden of blame for Dan’s passing, understanding that addiction is a formidable disease. Her focus now is on living her truth, advocating for awareness, and supporting others navigating similar paths, transforming her personal tragedy into a source of hope and empowerment.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability and Sharing Our Stories

Chelsea Ocean’s courageous sharing of her personal story on Recoverycast offers a beacon of hope and understanding for those touched by alcoholism. Her journey underscores the complexities of loving someone with addiction, the importance of recognizing the signs and stages, and the vital need for support and self-care.

Chelsea’s vulnerability is a powerful reminder that by sharing our experiences, we can break the stigma surrounding addiction, raise awareness, and ultimately help others navigate their own journeys toward healing and recovery. If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol addiction, please know that help is available.

Recovery.com offers a comprehensive directory of treatment centers and resources.

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How to Detox from Alcohol: 5 Essential Tips for a Safe Recovery

Taking the first step toward sobriety can feel daunting, especially when facing the unknowns of alcohol withdrawal.

If you or a loved one is considering detox, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the process. Alcohol detoxification is more than just quitting drinking—it’s about navigating the body’s adjustment to sobriety while managing withdrawal symptoms that can range from mild discomfort to severe medical complications.

Understanding what to expect during detox, recognizing when professional help is necessary, and knowing how to support your body through recovery can make a significant difference.

No matter where you are in your journey, you are not alone—there are resources, medical professionals, and support systems ready to help guide you toward a healthier, alcohol-free life.

1. Understand the Process of Alcohol Detox

If you or a loved one1 is struggling with alcohol use disorder, the idea of detoxing may feel overwhelming. Alcohol detoxification is the body’s process of eliminating alcohol consumption2 after prolonged use. For regular drinkers, this can trigger severe withdrawal symptoms,1 including delirium tremens.

Infographic titled 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Trying to Detox Without Professional Support. It includes questions about heavy drinking, withdrawal symptoms, past relapses, and detoxing without supervision. Depending on the answers, the image advises either professional detox or consulting a doctor for home detox.

How do I know if I am withdrawing from alcohol?

Though the experience of withdrawal from alcohol is slightly different from one person to the next, it is often marked by a combination of physical, emotional, and cognitive symptoms that vary depending on the quantity and duration of alcohol consumed (among other personal factors). Traditional physical symptoms may include tremors, sweating, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, headache, increased heart rate, and in more severe cases, seizures and/or delirium tremens. From a cognitive-emotional standpoint, symptoms may include negative thoughts, anxiety, depression, agitation, et cetera. Symptomatology along these lines is atypical of responsible drinking and may indicate a more significant issue warranting professional support.

Matthew Glowiak, PhD, LCPC, CAADC, ACS, NCC | Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School

Why Does Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome Happen?

Drinking alcohol depresses the nervous system,3 slowing brain function and creating a sedative effect. Over time, the brain compensates by increasing excitatory signals. When alcohol use suddenly stops, these heightened signals cause overstimulation, resulting in severe alcohol withdrawal.3

What Are Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms and When Do They Occur?

There are different levels of severity for alcohol withdrawal that range from mild to severe symptoms.

Stages of Alcohol Withdrawal: Withdrawal symptoms typically begin 6 to 24 hours after the last drink1 and can last a week or more, depending on the severity of alcohol dependence. Alcohol withdrawal symptoms can be scary and dangerous, especially if you don’t know what to look for. Having correct information and knowing what to expect can help you or your loved ones prepare.

Mild Symptoms (6-12 hours after last drink)1:

  • Headache
  • Anxiety and restlessness
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Sweating and shaking
  • Insomnia

Moderate Symptoms (12-48 hours after last drink)1:

  • Increased heart rate
  • Tremors and shakiness
  • Confusion and irritability
  • Hallucinations

Severe Symptoms (48-72 hours after last drink – Delirium Tremens)1:

Infographic titled Essential Tips for an Alcohol Detox, showing seven strategies: have a good support system, consider professional detox if severe, stay hydrated, eat whole foods, get good sleep, avoid triggers, and redirect your mind. Each tip is paired with a simple icon, and the top-right corner features an alcohol-related graphic.

2. Know When You Should Seek Medical Care

Emergency Symptoms:

Seek immediate help from a medical professional5 if you or a loved one1 experiences the following severe withdrawal symptoms:

  • Severe confusion or hallucinations (DTs)
  • Withdrawal seizures
  • High fever
  • Extreme agitation or violent behavior

When should I seek emergency medical care for alcohol detox?

If you or someone you know is going through alcohol detox, it’s important to recognize when to seek emergency medical care. Alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening, so call 911 or get to an ER immediately if you experience seizures, severe confusion, a racing or irregular heartbeat, high fever, or uncontrollable shaking and agitation. Even if symptoms seem mild, it’s always safer to get checked out. The best way to detox is under medical supervision, where professionals are standing by and ready to help.

Janelle Salo, RN | Healthy Earth Living

Can You Detox from Alcohol at Home?

While mild withdrawal symptoms can sometimes be managed at home, medical supervision is strongly advised, especially for those with a history of heavy drinking. Detoxing alone can be dangerous, and individuals should not hesitate to seek professional guidance if necessary.

Professional medical help may be required for those at risk of severe withdrawal. Medical professionals can administer medications to help manage withdrawal symptoms and reduce the likelihood of complications like seizures or DTs.

Even if you think your withdrawal symptoms are mild, always consult a healthcare provider before stopping alcohol use. Their expertise can help determine the safest approach for detoxing based on your health history.

Illustration of a man in boxing gear punching a giant soda can hanging like a punching bag. The image symbolizes the struggle of alcohol detox. Text on the left says the pain of alcohol detox is temporary but the rewards of recovery are worth the fight.

3. Learn How to Care for Yourself During Alcohol Detox

Stay Hydrated

Dehydration is common during alcohol withdrawal due to sweating, vomiting, and diarrhea. Drink plenty of fluids such as water, electrolyte-rich drinks like sports drinks, or coconut water to stay hydrated.

Hydration is key6 for your recovery. Electrolyte imbalances can cause additional complications, so maintaining a balance of sodium, potassium, and magnesium is essential.

Drinking fluids also helps flush out toxins more efficiently, aiding the detoxification process.

Eat Nutritious Foods

Alcohol depletes essential vitamins and minerals, so eating a balanced diet is crucial:

  • B vitamins (found in leafy greens, eggs, and whole grains) help support brain function.
  • Magnesium and potassium (from foods like bananas, avocados, and nuts) are important for muscle relaxation and nerve function.
  • Protein-rich foods (chicken, fish, tofu) will help rebuild strength and energy.

Proper nutrition supports the body’s healing and helps to maintain mental clarity, which can be especially beneficial during the detox process.

A nutrient-rich diet can also combat some of the psychological symptoms, such as mood swings and irritability, that often accompany withdrawal.

Get Plenty of Rest

Fatigue is a common issue during detox. Make sure to create a relaxing environment for sleep, practice deep breathing techniques, and limit screen time before bed.

Adequate rest is crucial during detox for effective recovery.

Sleep helps the body repair and recharge, and it plays a significant role in managing withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, restlessness, and depression.

Consider calming practices like meditation or gentle stretching before bedtime to promote better sleep quality. These restful activities also promote a decrease in blood pressure over time and support for other health conditions.

Avoid Triggers

Being around alcohol or in situations where drinking is encouraged can heighten cravings and tempt you to relapse.

When you try to quit “cold turkey” this can be even more challenging. Removing alcohol from your home and avoid people or places that may provoke drinking may help support the effects of alcohol overuse or dependence.

Avoiding a recurrence of use can be an essential part of long-term recovery. Engage in activities that don’t involve alcohol and help shift your focus to healthier alternatives. Seeking medical advice or other support from medical professionals and therapists can support relapse prevention.

Use Over-the-Counter Medications Cautiously

Some over-the-counter medications may help with common withdrawal symptoms, but should only be used cautiously:

  • Ibuprofen or acetaminophen for headaches and body aches
  • Antacids (e.g., Tums, Pepto-Bismol) for nausea
  • Melatonin or herbal teas to help with sleep issues

While OTC medications can alleviate minor symptoms, they should be used in moderation. Certain medications, especially painkillers, may be harmful if combined with alcohol or if taken in excess.

Always consult with a healthcare professional before using any medication during detox, especially those like diazepam that might be prescribed for medical detox or severe side effects.

Have a Support System

Detoxing alone can be risky. Ask a trusted friend or family member to check in with you regularly, providing emotional support and reassurance.

It is also imperative that a medical provider is included in treatment planning. Having trained and experienced addiction treatment and alcohol detox providers can be key to a successful detox strategy.

Social support7 is a significant factor in successful alcohol detox. Support can come in many forms, whether through emotional encouragement or practical assistance (e.g., helping with meal preparation or attending appointments).

4. Consider Professional Help

Even if detoxing at home, consult a healthcare professional before stopping alcohol use. Some individuals may require medication-assisted treatment (MAT) with benzodiazepines like diazepam to prevent seizures and alleviate withdrawal symptoms.

Find out more about medication-assisted treatment (MAT).8 MAT involves a combination of medications and counseling to help manage withdrawal and reduce cravings. It can be an essential part of the detox process for some individuals.

Why is professional help important when detoxing from alcohol use?

Professional help is very important when someone is detoxing from alcohol use because withdrawal symptoms can be very severe and even life-threatening, requiring medical supervision. During this time, professionals can provide necessary support and interventions to manage symptoms, prevent complications, and ensure individual safety. Additionally, professionals offer a structured environment to the individual for emotional and psychological support, which allows them to address the underlying causes of addiction.

Sorhaya Zamor, RN, PMHNP

Is there a Safer Alternative?

Because alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and even fatal, it is important that individuals and families seek professional, medical advice. Inpatient and outpatient treatment programs provide medically supervised detox and addiction recovery options to make withdrawal safer and more comfortable.

Caring for a loved one during alcohol withdrawal is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. There are medical professionals, support groups, and community resources available to help.

Encourage your loved one to take the next step toward recovery—whether that means entering an inpatient program, attending support groups, or simply reaching out for help.

5. Discover Long-Term Recovery After Detox

Detoxification is only the first step in recovery. Maintaining long-term sobriety requires a multi-faceted approach that can include therapy and counseling, support groups and peer support, and healthy lifestyle changes.

Mental health support can also be a key factor in addressing alcohol detox and alcohol addiction. Connecting with therapy and counseling, support groups, and other supports that promote healthy lifestyle changes can be key. Alcohol use disorder is a medical condition that needs ongoing support and treatment just like other health issues and health conditions.

  • Therapy & Counseling: Behavioral therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help address addiction triggers and support emotional healing. Research shows CBT is effective in treating alcohol use disorders.
  • Support Groups: Programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other peer support groups provide a community of individuals who share similar experiences and can offer support in staying sober.
  • Healthy Lifestyle Changes: Maintaining regular physical activity, eating a balanced diet, and managing stress are essential for sustaining long-term recovery. Studies show that exercise helps reduce alcohol cravings and improve mood during recovery. Healthy lifestyle choices not only support physical health but also improve mental well-being, making it easier to avoid relapse triggers.

Recovery from alcohol dependence is not just about stopping drinking—it’s about reclaiming your life, one step at a time. Alcohol detoxification can be overwhelming, but with the right knowledge, support, and self-care, the process becomes more manageable.

Withdrawal symptoms range from mild discomfort to severe, life-threatening conditions, making medical supervision an important consideration for safety.

Staying hydrated, nourishing your body, getting enough rest, and avoiding triggers are crucial to a successful detox. Most importantly, you don’t have to go through this alone—support from loved ones, professional treatment programs, and recovery groups can make all the difference. The path to sobriety may have its challenges, but every step forward is a step toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.

FAQs

Q: How to detox your body from alcohol?

A: Detoxing from alcohol involves eliminating toxins from your body while managing withdrawal symptoms. The safest way to detox is under medical supervision, especially if you drink heavily. Medical detox programs provide medications to ease withdrawal symptoms and prevent complications.

Q: What happens after 2 weeks of no alcohol?

A: After two weeks without alcohol, many experience improved sleep, better digestion, and increased hydration. The liver starts repairing itself, and inflammation decreases. You may also notice weight loss and a clearer mind.

Q: How long does it take to reset your body from alcohol?


A: The body starts recovering within hours of quitting alcohol. In mild cases, withdrawal symptoms last a few days, but it can take weeks to months for brain chemistry and organ function to fully reset, depending on drinking history.

Q: What happens on day 5 of no alcohol?

A: By day 5, withdrawal symptoms like headaches, nausea, and anxiety typically subside. In some cases, Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) may develop, causing mood swings and sleep disturbances.

Q: How do you detox from alcohol?

A: The safest approach is a medically supervised detox, which may include IV fluids, vitamins, and medications. Home detox can be risky, but if attempted, it should involve proper hydration, nutrition, and medical consultation.

Q: How Long Is Alcohol Detox?

A: Alcohol detox typically lasts 3 to 7 days, though lingering withdrawal symptoms may persist for weeks. The severity of withdrawal depends on drinking habits, amount of alcohol consumed on a regular basis, and individual health factors.

Q: What are the signs of alcohol addiction?

A: Signs of alcohol addiction include:

  • Drinking more than intended
  • Failed attempts to cut down
  • Increased tolerance
  • Withdrawal symptoms when not drinking
  • Prioritizing alcohol over responsibilities

Q: What is alcohol detoxification?

A: Alcohol detox is the process of clearing alcohol from your system while managing withdrawal symptoms. It is the first step in addiction treatment and should ideally be followed by therapy and support groups.

Q: Are you covered for addiction treatment?

A: Many insurance plans cover alcohol detox and rehab programs. Check with your provider to understand your coverage for addiction treatment.

Q: What does it mean to have a substance abuse problem?

A: A substance use disorder occurs when drinking interferes with daily life, relationships, and health. It can range from mild to severe, with addiction requiring professional intervention.

Q: What are the best methods to detox from alcohol at home?

A: If attempting a home detox (only for mild cases), follow these steps:

  • Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.
  • Eat nutritious foods (fruits, vegetables, lean proteins).
  • Take vitamins (especially B vitamins and magnesium).
  • Avoid triggers that encourage drinking.
  • Have medical support available in case of severe withdrawal symptoms.

Q: What are the symptoms of alcohol withdrawal?

A: Alcohol withdrawal symptoms include:

  • Mild: Anxiety, nausea, headache, sweating
  • Moderate: Tremors, increased heart rate, confusion
  • Severe: Seizures, hallucinations, delirium tremens (DTs)
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How Do I Stop Being Codependent? 5 Expert-Backed Steps to Transform Your Relationships

How to stop being codependent.

Do you find yourself constantly putting others’ needs before your own? Are you the person everyone relies on, even when it drains your energy and emotional resources? You might be experiencing codependency—a pattern where your own sense of purpose and self-worth become tangled up in another person’s life and problems

Codependent relationships create strong emotional patterns. “Helping” people can become almost addictive, even though it leaves you feeling empty and exhausted in the long run. Breaking free from these patterns takes time. But with consistent effort, you can build a healthier relationship with yourself and others. 

Here are 5 key steps you can start taking now:

1. Recognize Your Codependent Patterns

The first step toward change is becoming aware of your codependent behaviors.1 Start paying attention to situations where you feel responsible for others’ emotions or problems. Notice when you automatically put someone else’s needs before your own or when you feel anxious about setting boundaries.

Try keeping a journal to track moments when you feel resentful, exhausted, or unappreciated. Look for the situations or relationships that typically trigger these feelings. You can ask yourself questions like: “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I’m afraid of the consequences if I don’t?” You can even use journal prompts for codependency to help.

Pro tip: Keep in mind that awareness doesn’t mean judgment. These patterns developed for a reason—often as ways to cope with difficult situations. Observing them with curiosity rather than criticism will help you make lasting changes.

Illustration featuring a quote that reads, “You shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” The image shows a distressed man surrounded by flames and a relaxed woman lounging under an umbrella, symbolizing the emotional toll of codependency and the importance of self-care.

What Is Codependency?

Codependency is not officially recognized as a mental illness, but it is taken seriously by mental health professionals, who define it as “an unhealthy devotion to a relationship2 at the cost of one’s personal and psychological needs.” It describes a relational pattern where you become so focused on the problems and needs of others that you neglect your own well-being. It’s more than just caring deeply—it’s when your emotional state, identity, and sense of purpose become excessively wrapped up in someone else’s life.

  • Codependency in Romantic Relationships: In romantic relationships, codependency can look like constantly sacrificing your own preferences, walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, or feeling responsible for your partner’s happiness. You might stay in unhealthy situations because you believe your love can “fix” the other person.
  • Codependency in Family Systems: Within families, codependency often appears as enmeshment—where boundaries between family members become blurred. You might feel obligated to solve everyone’s problems, shield relatives from consequences, or struggle to make decisions without family approval. This is often the case when one family member is struggling with substance abuse.3 
  • Codependency in Friendships: In friendships, codependent behaviors include being the perpetual advice-giver or emotional support while rarely asking for help yourself. You might maintain one-sided friendships because you feel needed, even when these relationships drain you.

How can you discover the signs of being codependent?

Codependency is often rooted in an attachment wound where the nervous system learned early on that safety comes from attuning to others, sometimes at the expense of self. It can look like feeling responsible for managing other people’s emotions while ignoring your own. Another sign is the feeling of unease or even panic when someone is upset with you, leading to people-pleasing or over-functioning in relationships. This can present as feeling tightness in your chest, a constant state of hypervigilance, or struggling to feel grounded in your own body.

Amanda Stretcher, MA, LPC-S | Crescent Counseling

2. Work on Building Self-Esteem

Codependency and low self-esteem usually go hand in hand. When you don’t value yourself, you might look for validation through helping others or staying in unhealthy relationships.

You feel good about yourself mainly when you’re helping others or when people need you. Instead of feeling relieved when a loved one says they don’t need your help, you feel hurt or like you don’t matter anymore.

Start building your self-worth by practicing self-compassion.4 Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend—with kindness and understanding. Make a list of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with what you do for others.

Small acts of self-care also build self-esteem. When you treat yourself with respect—by keeping promises to yourself, taking time for activities you enjoy, or meeting your physical needs—you send yourself the message that you matter.

Pro tip: Daily affirmations can help you shift away from negative self-talk and toward a more positive sense of self. Simple statements like “I’m worthy of love and respect” or “My needs matter” can start to shift your perspective when you say them regularly.

Infographic titled “Common Codependency Behaviors,” showing eight heart-shaped rope loops with icons and labels: people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, excessive care-taking, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, fixing instead of supporting, and ignoring your own needs. Visual metaphor emphasizes emotional entanglement in codependent relationships.

Why is boundary setting important in healing from codependency?

When it comes to codependency, one tends to slip away from autonomy, creating enmeshment with the enabler. Setting healthy boundaries, such as adopting and maintaining one’s own intellectual boundaries in a new relationship, is crucial for healing codependency. While maintaining codependency, and therefore not setting boundaries, one loses one’s own identity and essentially forgets how to behave independently due to the behavioral and emotional habits developed through the codependent relationship. Setting boundaries will contribute to an increased sense of self, more confidence, and may even decrease anxiety or depressive symptoms, which can significantly enhance the relationship as a whole.

Jennifer Chicoine, MA, LCPC, CCTP | Peaceful Healing Counseling Services

3. Set and Enforce Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries allow you to create rules or set limits that define where your responsibilities end and another person’s begin. They protect your emotional well-being while allowing you to support others in healthy ways.

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable at first, especially when you’re not used to it. As you do so, keep in mind that boundaries are for you,5 says boundary expert Nedra Glover Tawwab, LCSW:

Changing your behavior and not forcing others to change can be a significant part of setting boundaries…It would be nice if everyone automatically knew how to respect our boundaries. We often have to communicate them clearly and enforce consequences when they are not respected. So, when someone crosses one of my boundaries, I will take action to protect myself and my needs.

Be clear and direct when communicating boundaries. Use “I” statements that focus on your needs rather than accusing the other person. For example, “I need some alone time to recharge” works better than “You’re demanding too much of my time.”

Prepare yourself for pushback. Some people in your life may resist your new boundaries because they benefit from your codependent behaviors. Remember that their reaction isn’t your responsibility, and temporary discomfort is part of creating lasting change.

Consistency is key. When you set a boundary, follow through with it. Each time you maintain a healthy boundary, even when it’s difficult, you’re building new patterns that will eventually replace codependent ones.

4. Learn to Prioritize Your Needs

For many people with codependent tendencies, identifying their own needs can feel foreign. Get in the habit of asking yourself: “What do I want right now?” or “What would feel good to me in this situation?”

Practice making decisions based on your preferences. Start with small choices like what to eat for lunch or what movie to watch, then work up to bigger decisions.

Prepare phrases for when you need to put yourself first. Simple statements like “I need to take care of myself right now” or “I’ll need to check my schedule before committing” give you space to consider your own needs.

Pro tip: Remember that prioritizing your needs isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your well-being and actually leads to healthier relationships. When you’re not depleted from ignoring your own needs, you have more genuine energy to share with others.

Codependency vs. Interdependence

Unlike healthy independence—where 2 people mutually rely on each other while maintaining individual identities—codependency creates an imbalance. Healthy relationships involve give-and-take, with both people supporting each other while respecting boundaries. Both parties feel free to express needs, disagree respectfully, and maintain outside interests and relationships.

The key distinction here is that interdependence strengthens both individuals, while codependency tends to diminish at least one person’s wellness and autonomy over time.

Does your partner or loved one exhibit signs of being codependent?

“Loving someone who is codependent can feel like an emotional roller coaster, but it’s important to remember—you can’t fix them. Their actions often come from a place of love, but they struggle to put themselves first. The best thing you can do is communicate your needs clearly, set firm yet compassionate boundaries, and encourage them to cultivate their own interests. By modeling self-care, independence, and balance, you show them what a healthy, fulfilling relationship looks like.”

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP, CIMPH | Astute Counseling & Wellness Services

Signs of Codependency

Spotting codependent patterns6 in your life is the first big step toward making real change. Everyone’s experience with codependency looks a bit different, but here are some common signs you might recognize in yourself:

  • Excessive caretaking: You almost always put other people’s needs ahead of your own, even when it hurts you. For example, you might stay up all night helping a friend with their project even though you have an important meeting tomorrow, cook fancy meals for your family while you just eat whatever’s left over, or say “yes” to additional tasks when you already feel overburdened.
  • Difficulty setting boundaries: You find it really hard to say “no” when people ask you for favors or your time. You may cancel plans you were looking forward to because a coworker asked for help at the last minute, or you let family members call you during your workday for things that aren’t emergencies.
  • People-pleasing tendencies: You make decisions based on what will make others happy, not what’s best for you. You might agree with someone’s opinion even when you actually think differently, just to avoid any conflict. Or you might take on extra tasks because you’re scared of letting someone down.
  • Fear of abandonment: A codependent person will often work extra hard to keep relationships going because they’re scared people will leave them. This could mean putting up with someone treating you badly or staying in relationships that don’t make you happy because the idea of being alone feels too scary to face.
  • Controlling behaviors: In an attempt to be helpful, you try to control situations or people out of anxiety. This can look like constantly offering unsolicited advice or getting frustrated when someone doesn’t follow your suggestions about how to handle their problems.
  • Difficulty identifying your own feelings: You’re tuned into others’ emotions but disconnected from your own. You might be able to sense when your partner is upset before they even realize it but struggle to answer when someone asks how you’re feeling.
  • Unhealthy attachment to drama or crisis: You feel most purposeful when solving problems and might even unconsciously create or seek out chaotic situations where you can play the rescuer. When times are crisis-free, you may feel anxious, uncertain, or uncomfortable.
Infographic titled “Examples of Boundaries: Small to Big Ways to End Codependency,” illustrating five progressive steps: don’t offer unsolicited help, say no to favors, speak up about your needs, disagree without fear, and walk away from toxic dynamics. A person walks upward across rising blocks symbolizing personal growth.

5. Seek Support and Professional Help

Overcoming codependency is challenging work, and you don’t have to do it alone. Professional support can make a huge difference in your healing journey.

Therapy, especially with someone who specializes in codependency, family systems, or trauma, can help you understand the roots of your codependent patterns and develop strategies to change them. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) are particularly effective approaches for addressing codependency.

Support groups like Codependents Anonymous (CoDA)6 offer connection with others facing similar challenges. Spending time around others who share your experiences can reduce shame and provide insights for your recovery.

Self-help books about codependency, boundaries, and self-esteem can supplement other forms of support. Look for resources by recognized mental health professionals that offer practical exercises alongside information.

Pro tip: Codependent No More2 and its accompanying workbook by codependency expert Melody Beattie are classics on the topic, and a great place to start. There are also treatment resources available.

Life Beyond Codependency: Your Journey to Emotional Freedom

Breaking free from codependent patterns opens the door to relationships where you can truly be yourself. Working with a professional can accelerate your progress, giving you tools that fit your specific situation and background. Whether you choose one-on-one therapy or a structured program, having expert support gives you the guidance and follow-through that helps make real, lasting change possible.

FAQs

Q: Is it possible to stop being codependent?

A: Yes, codependency is a learned behavior that can be unlearned with self-awareness, therapy, and personal growth. According to Mental Health America, addressing underlying self-esteem issues, setting boundaries, and seeking support are key steps toward breaking free from codependency.

Q: How do you break the codependency cycle?

A: Breaking the cycle of codependency involves recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns, developing self-worth, and learning to set and maintain boundaries. Codependents Anonymous recommends a 12-step recovery process, while therapy and support groups can also be helpful in fostering independence and healthier relationships.

Q: What triggers codependency?

A: Codependency often stems from childhood experiences, such as growing up in an environment where emotional needs were not met or where a caregiver had addiction or mental health struggles. Other triggers include fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and seeking validation through others.

Q: How do you heal codependent tendencies?

A: Healing from codependency involves building self-esteem, practicing self-care, and learning healthy communication. The National Center for Biotechnology Information suggests cognitive behavioral interventions can help individuals develop healthier thought patterns and coping strategies.

Q: How do you prevent a codependent relationship?

A: Preventing codependency starts with self-awareness and setting clear boundaries. Maintaining individual interests, fostering self-worth, and communicating openly with partners or loved ones can help establish interdependent, rather than codependent, relationships.

Q: How does a codependent person feel?

A: A codependent person may feel anxious, responsible for others’ happiness, or emotionally drained. They often struggle with low self-esteem and fear abandonment, leading them to prioritize others’ needs over their own.

Q: Does your partner or loved one exhibit any signs of being codependent?

A: Signs of codependency in a loved one may include excessive caretaking, difficulty setting boundaries, fear of being alone, and reliance on others for self-worth. Mental Health America highlights that codependency can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics.

Q: Why did I develop codependent tendencies?

A: Codependent tendencies often develop from early childhood experiences, such as growing up in a family where emotional neglect, addiction, or controlling behaviors were present. Research indicates that past trauma and adverse childhood experiences significantly contribute to codependency.

Q: How do you overcome codependency?

A: Overcoming codependency requires self-awareness, boundary-setting, and shifting focus to personal well-being. Therapy, support groups, and mindfulness practices have been found to be effective in fostering emotional independence.

Q: What are narcissistic traits?

A: Narcissistic traits include a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, manipulation, and a need for excessive admiration. Codependents often find themselves in relationships with narcissistic individuals due to their caretaking tendencies.

Q: What steps can I take to stop being codependent?

A: Steps to stop being codependent include recognizing unhealthy patterns, building self-esteem, practicing self-care, and seeking therapy or support groups. Developing hobbies and interests outside of relationships can also help foster independence.

Q: What are effective strategies to stop being codependent?

A: Effective strategies include therapy (such as cognitive-behavioral therapy), practicing mindfulness, learning assertiveness skills, and setting firm boundaries. Research suggests that increasing self-awareness and engaging in self-affirmation exercises can aid in breaking codependent habits.

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Nurturing Resilience: Guiding Your Child Through the Storm of Parental Addiction

Dear Parent,

Navigating the tumultuous waters of addiction in your family is challenging, not just for you but profoundly so for your child. As someone standing on the frontline of your child’s world, you hold a lantern of hope that can light their way through this storm. Here’s a heartfelt strategy to help you secure your child’s emotional and psychological well-being during these trying times.

Create a Harbor of Safety

Imagine your home as a safe harbor against the world’s stormy seas. This is where your child can drop anchor and feel protected from outside turbulence. Offer a consistent, calm, and non-judgmental environment where they can freely share their thoughts and emotions. Establish a sense of normalcy and safety through clear boundaries and predictable consequences, ensuring they understand that home is a place of love and security.

Anchor in Routine

The sea might be unpredictable, but your ship must not be. A disciplined schedule brings stability—routine is like the compass that guides sailors through the fog. Regular meals, consistent bedtimes, and a structured daily schedule help impose a rhythm and order that can be incredibly reassuring to a child living in a chaotic environment. This predictability in their day-to-day life helps to foster a sense of control and normalcy.

Encourage the Voyage of Expression

Your child’s journey through their parent’s addiction is fraught with complex emotions. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Provide them with tools for expression like journals, art supplies, or music, which can be therapeutic outlets. Teach them that seeking help and expressing vulnerability are signs of strength, not weakness. Let them know their feelings are valid and they have a safe space to discuss anything without fear of judgment.

Chart the Waters of Understanding

Education is your child’s beacon in the night. Explain addiction in terms they can understand, emphasizing that it is a disease—a medical condition that needs treatment, just like diabetes or asthma. This understanding can demystify their parent’s behavior and relieve some of their fears and misconceptions. They must learn that their parent’s struggles do not define them and that they are not responsible for fixing the problem.

Build a Crew of Support

No ship braves the sea alone. Introduce your child to support groups like Alateen, where they can meet others navigating similar challenges. These peers can become part of their crew, sharing experiences and coping strategies to help them feel less isolated. This community can provide a critical support network, offering friendship and understanding to help them weather their storms.

Promote the Wellness of the Sea and Sky

Encourage your child to engage in physical and creative activities. Physical exercise, like sports or dancing, can significantly reduce stress and improve mood1, while creative outlets like drawing or writing provide a means for emotional release. Activities like these not only occupy their mind and body positively but also help develop confidence and a sense of accomplishment, which are vital during times of personal family crisis.

Seek the Guidance of Seasoned Captains

Sometimes, navigating through a storm requires the expertise of a seasoned captain. A professional therapist or counselor who specializes in addiction and family dynamics can provide your child with a safe space to discuss their feelings and learn healthy coping mechanisms. These professionals can offer guidance tailored to your child’s needs, helping them understand their emotions and develop resilience.

Guard Their Rights and Well-being

A guardian must sometimes stand up and fight the waves in tumultuous times. If your family’s situation puts your child’s well-being at risk, involving child protective services or seeking legal advocacy may be necessary. Ensuring that your child has a stable, safe living environment is paramount, and sometimes additional interventions are necessary to protect their mental and physical health.

In Closing

You are the captain of this ship, and your steadfast love and support are the guiding stars in your child’s sky. Remember, your efforts to provide stability, understanding, and compassion during this storm will shape their ability to navigate life’s challenges. With your guidance and the right support, your child can emerge stronger, more resilient from this storm and with a bright horizon ahead.

With warmth and support,

Dr. Mala

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A Guide on How to Talk to Your Kids About Difficult Topics

Discussing complex topics with children, whether they pertain to violence, disasters, or other sensitive issues, is a daunting but necessary task. Effective communication can help children process their thoughts and emotions, ensuring they feel safe and heard.

Understanding the Importance of the Conversation

The rationale behind these discussions is multifaceted. Not only do they provide an opportunity to correct misinformation and clarify doubts, but they also help reinforce a child’s sense of safety and security in an unpredictable world. Additionally, openly addressing such issues can foster resilience, teaching children how to navigate life’s realities while feeling emotionally supported.

Preparing for the Conversation

1. Check-in with Yourself: Ensure you are emotionally stable before initiating any discussions on traumatic topics. Children are perceptive and can easily pick up on parental anxieties. Being calm and composed helps provide the reassurance they need.

2. Inform Yourself: Understand the facts about the specific issue. Being well-informed prepares you to answer questions factually and confidently, reducing fears driven by uncertainties and rumors.

3. Choose Your Moment: Timing is critical. Ensure the setting is private and quiet, free from interruptions, providing a safe space to express feelings and thoughts openly.

Engaging in the Conversation

1. Initiate with Open-Ended Questions: Explore what your child knows. Asking open-ended questions like, “What have you heard about this?” allows you to gauge their understanding and correct any misconceptions.

2. Provide Clear, Age-Appropriate Information: Tailor your explanations to your child’s age and maturity. While honesty is important, avoid overly detailed descriptions that might instill fear. Instead, focus on general safety and the support systems in place.

3. Validate and Reassure: Acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings. Whether scared, confused, or even curious, let them know their feelings are normal. Reassurance can come from emphasizing the safety measures and support available.

4. Emphasize Community and Support: Discuss how communities and support systems address these issues. Highlighting the roles of community leaders, teachers, and helpers in ensuring safety and providing support can reinforce a sense of security.

Continuing the Conversation

1. Encourage Ongoing Dialogue: Make it clear that this isn’t just a one-time conversation. Encourage your child to come to you anytime they have concerns or need to discuss anything that worries them.

2. Monitor Media Exposure: Keep a close watch on what your child is exposed to following such discussions. Continuous exposure to graphic content can be harmful. Encourage them to ask questions instead of seeking answers from potentially unreliable sources.

3. Watch for Behavioral Changes: Be vigilant for any signs of distress or changes in behavior, such as nightmares, avoidance behaviors, withdrawal from activities, or mood swings. Early identification of stress signals can lead to timely intervention, such as counseling or therapy.

Conclusion

Facilitating a conversation about complex topics with your child is never easy, but it is crucial for their emotional well-being and understanding of the world. You can help them navigate their feelings and foster a sense of safety by approaching the topic with care, honesty, and support. If you or your child need more support, consider contacting a professional who can provide tailored guidance and resources to help your family cope and heal.

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25 Inspiring Quotes for Veteran’s Day

Veteran’s Day is a time to honor and celebrate the courage, sacrifice, and dedication of our military veterans. It’s a moment to pause and reflect on the freedoms we enjoy and the extraordinary individuals who have served to protect them.

Words have a unique power to connect, uplift, and inspire. On this day, we use them to express our deepest gratitude for the sacrifices made by veterans and their families. Through heartfelt quotes and messages, we aim to convey the appreciation they deserve for their selfless service and enduring commitment.

Join us in honoring these heroes by sharing words of gratitude that celebrate their unwavering bravery and dedication to our nation.

25 Inspiring Quotes for Veteran’s Day

Quotes about Honor and Sacrifice

#1: “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.” — Joseph Campbell

#2: “We don’t know them all, but we owe them all.” — Unknown

#3: “This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.” — Elmer Davis

#4: “On this Veteran’s Day, let us remember the service of our veterans and let us renew our national promise to fulfill our sacred obligations to our veterans and their families.” — Dan Lipinski

Quotes about Courage and Bravery

#5: “Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die.” — G.K. Chesterton

#6: “Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.” — Franklin P. Jones

#7: “Never was so much owed by so many to so few.” — Winston Churchill

#8: “How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!” — Maya Angelou

Quotes of Gratitude for Veterans

#9: “To be free is the most wonderful thing in the world, but it comes at a great cost. Thank you, veterans, for paying that price.” — Unknown

#10: “In the face of impossible odds, people who love this country can change it.” — Barack Obama

#11: “The willingness of America’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.” — Jeff Miller

#12: “Veterans are a symbol of what makes our nation great, and we must never forget all they have done to ensure our freedom.” — Rodney Frelinghuysen

Quotes from Veterans Themselves

#13: “The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” — G.K. Chesterton

#14: “America’s veterans embody the ideals upon which America was founded more than 229 years ago.” — Steve Buyer

#15: “Some people live an entire lifetime and wonder if they have ever made a difference in the world. A veteran doesn’t have that problem.” — Ronald Reagan

#16: “I have long believed that sacrifice is the pinnacle of patriotism.” — Bob Riley

Famous Historical Quotes for Veterans

#17: “The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.” — Abraham Lincoln

#18: “Freedom is never free.” — Unknown

#19: “In war, there are no unwounded soldiers.” — José Narosky

#20: “My heroes are those who risk their lives every day to protect our world and make it a better place—police, firefighters, and members of our armed forces.” — Sidney Sheldon

Modern Quotes for Veteran’s Day 2024

#21: “Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause.” — Abraham Lincoln

#22: “A veteran is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to ‘The United States of America’ for an amount of ‘up to and including their life.'” — Unknown

#23: “To our men and women in uniform, past, present, and future, God bless you and thank you.” — Anonymous

#24: “For it is the veteran, not the preacher, who has given us freedom of religion. It is the veteran, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.” — Unknown

#25: “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” — John F. Kennedy

How to Use These Quotes on Veteran’s Day

Sharing on Social Media

Veteran’s Day is an opportunity for all of us to come together and show our appreciation for the incredible sacrifices made by veterans. Sharing a heartfelt message or a meaningful quote is a simple but powerful way to honor their service. Consider taking a moment to reflect on what veterans’ sacrifices mean to you personally, and share those thoughts with others. Whether it’s through a conversation, a handwritten note, or a post on social media, your words can make a difference.

You can encourage others to join in by tagging veterans you know, thanking them directly, or highlighting the importance of their contributions. Using hashtags like #VeteransDay2024 and #ThankYouVeterans can help connect your message to a larger community of gratitude. 

More than anything, let your voice be a part of the collective recognition and support for those who have served. Your words of appreciation, no matter how small, have the power to remind veterans that their sacrifices are seen, valued, and deeply respected.

Including in Speeches or Letters

Veteran’s Day quotes hold the power to deepen our expressions of gratitude and honor for those who have served. Whether used in speeches, public ceremonies, or personal letters, they help us articulate the profound respect we feel for veterans’ sacrifices and dedication. 

In a speech, a well-chosen quote can set the tone or leave a lasting impression, highlighting the significance of their service. At public ceremonies, including a quote during a moment of silence or tribute, such as a flag-raising, adds depth and solemnity to the occasion. Personalized letters gain even greater meaning with a thoughtful quote that frames your message of thanks. In group gatherings, sharing a quote during a toast, prayer, or discussion encourages reflection on veterans’ contributions and sacrifices. 

However they are used, these quotes serve as a powerful connection to the enduring legacy of our nation’s heroes, ensuring their service is remembered and honored.

Creating Veteran’s Day Cards

Creating Veteran’s Day cards with meaningful quotes is a powerful way to honor the sacrifices and service of our veterans. These cards serve as a personal gesture of gratitude, showing veterans that their efforts and dedication are recognized and deeply appreciated. Including a meaningful quote alongside a heartfelt message allows you to convey your respect and admiration in a thoughtful way. Reminding veterans that their service has made a lasting impact and that their sacrifices are valued, offering them a tangible reminder of the gratitude felt by those they have served.

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The Signs a Young Adult May Have an Eating Disorder

Adolescence and early adulthood are pivotal periods for navigating life’s challenges and developing a sense of identity, particularly when it comes to mental health. During this time, external pressures can contribute to the rise of eating disorders, which have become a silent epidemic among young adults. Disorders like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating not only impact physical health—leading to malnutrition, heart complications, and other severe conditions—but also take a profound toll on mental well-being.

Recognizing the signs early during these formative years can make the difference between a lifelong struggle and a successful recovery. Early intervention allows young adults to regain their health, rebuild self-esteem, and restore a healthy relationship with food and body image.

Listen to our podcast episode with Dana Sedlak (LCSW, CEDS-C) to learn more about eating disorders and adolescent treatment options. 

Common Types of Eating Disorders in Young Adults

Eating disorders can affect anyone, but especially young people. The average onset begins between ages 18-211, a time when individuals are particularly vulnerable to societal pressures and body image concerns. Each eating disorder is a complicated and multifaceted condition that requires specialized care.

Anorexia Nervosa

Anorexia nervosa is characterized by an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted body image, leading to severe restriction of food intake1. People with anorexia often have an obsession with being thin and extreme dieting, excessive exercise, or other behaviors to avoid weight gain.

A person with anorexia nervosa can drastically lose weight, refuse to maintain a healthy weight, and fixate on calorie counting or food-related rituals. Despite the risks such as malnutrition, fatigue, and weakened immune function, the fear of gaining weight drives the person’s cycle of restrictive behaviors.

Bulimia Nervosa

Bulimia nervosa involves cycles of binge eating followed by compensatory behaviors, or “purging,” to prevent weight gain2. During a binge, the individual can feel “out of control” while eating and consume a large amount of food in a short period of time, followed by intense guilt, shame, or distress. To counteract the binge and these negative feelings, the person purges by self-induced vomiting, excessive laxative use, or extreme exercise. 

Unlike anorexia, people with bulimia may maintain a normal or above-average weight, making the disorder less immediately visible. However, bulimia can lead to serious health complications, including electrolyte imbalances, gastrointestinal problems, dental erosion, and heart issues, making it a dangerous and harmful disorder if left untreated.

Binge Eating Disorder

Binge eating disorder (BED) has recurrent binge episodes, and, unlike bulimia nervosa, individuals do not purge3. During a binge, the person may eat rapidly, eat until uncomfortably full, eat large quantities even when not hungry, and isolate themselves, then feel ashamed or guilty afterward. These intense emotions can lead to a cycle of emotional eating. 

Someone with BED does not take immediate action to counteract the calories consumed, leading to weight gain and health risks like obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular issues. 

Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorders (OSFED)

Some eating disorders may not neatly fit into the traditional categories but still have severe health implications. Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), for example, is when individuals limit food intake due to a lack of interest in eating4 or an aversion to certain textures or tastes, rather than concerns about body image. Orthorexia nervosa, though not officially recognized as an eating disorder, involves an unhealthy obsession with eating foods deemed “pure” or “healthy,”5 which can lead to severe dietary restrictions and malnutrition.

Other specified feeding or eating disorders (OSFED) can also be a diagnostic category for individuals who exhibit significant eating disorder behaviors but do not meet the full criteria6 for anorexia, bulimia, or BED. OSFED can include a wide range of disordered eating patterns that still pose serious health risks, such as night eating syndrome or purging disorder. 

Physical Signs of an Eating Disorder

While weight fluctuation is perfectly normal, staying vigilant to your child’s physical and mental well-being can help you discern if the changes are healthy or warning signs of an eating disorder. 

Noticeable Weight Changes

Restrictive eating behaviors can result in weight loss, as seen in anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, where food intake is drastically reduced or purging prevents weight gain. This weight loss often comes with other red flags, including fatigue and dizziness as the body becomes deprived of essential nutrients.

Conversely, rapid weight gain can indicate BED with frequent episodes of overeating. 

When talking to your child about weight loss or gain, remember that this topic is sensitive and accompanied by a host of negative feelings. Instead of focusing on their weight, you can discuss your concern about their eating habits and its impact on their health.

Physical Health Issues

Outside of weight, unhealthy eating behaviors impact all parts of the body via inadequate nutrition or harmful behaviors like vomiting. Carbohydrates serve as the brain’s main energy source7, so severely restricting food intake causes low energy levels, dizziness, and fatigue8 as well as cognitive impairment and decline.  

Symptoms such as bloating, constipation, or abdominal pain can manifest from irregular eating patterns9, starvation, or the misuse of laxatives.

For women, hormonal imbalances due to extreme weight loss or nutritional deficiency can cause amenorrhea10, or disruptions or complete cessation of their menstrual cycle. In these cases, the body prioritizes essential survival functions over the reproductive system, which has the potential for long-term harm.

Changes in Appearance

Due to a lack of essential nutrients, particularly protein and vitamins, hair and nails become brittle and dry11. Malnutrition and dehydration can also cause the skin to lose its elasticity and moisture, leading to a dry and flaky appearance.

Purging behaviors, such as vomiting, create dental problems as stomach acid erodes tooth enamel12. This can lead to tooth decay, sensitivity, discoloration, and even gum disease. Chronic vomiting can also damage the throat and mouth lining.

Behavioral Signs of an Eating Disorder

Often, someone with an eating disorder will try to hide their unhealthy eating habits. If you suspect that your child has an eating disorder, try to pick up on the subtle behavioral indicators that they may need help.

Obsession with Food and Weight

In an attempt to maintain control over their weight and emotions, they may constantly track every calorie consumed, often to an extreme degree, indicating an unhealthy relationship with food. Chronic dieting or switching between restrictive eating plans disrupt normal eating patterns, contributing to a cycle of weight loss and gain, damaging both physical health and mental stability.

By fixating on their body image, they may have a distorted view of their own size, even when underweight. You may notice frequent body checking (e.g., excessively looking in mirrors, pinching skin). 

Secretive Behavior

Rooted in deep emotional struggles related to body image and self-worth, someone with an eating disorder may isolate themselves and exhibit sneaky behavior around meals. They may stash or hide food in their room, bags, or other secret locations and consume large quantities of food privately. 

The person can lie about their eating habits, claiming to have eaten when they haven’t or significantly downplaying how much they ate. Or they may immediately leave the table after eating to purge. 

Emotional and Psychological Signs

While the most obvious signs of an eating disorder appear physically, the emotional distress behind the changes can sometimes have the most negative impact. 

Mood Swings and Irritability

When the body is fighting to function without proper fuel (food), cognition declines. Malnutrition and restrictive behaviors can affect brain chemistry13, leading to a lower tolerance for life’s ups and downs and causing sadness, frustration, or mood swings. 

Eating disorders like anorexia can lead to structural changes in the brain14 such as loss of gray matter and decreased thickness of the cerebral cortex and the outer layer of the brain. These mutations influence emotional regulation, lending to an overall negative affect.

Anxiety and Depression

It’s no coincidence the rise of anxiety and depression among young adults correlates with the onset of eating disorders15. These conditions provoke more severe disordered eating symptoms and create a complex web of co-occurring conditions necessitating specialized treatment. 

Much like anxiety and depression, someone with an eating disorder tends to have low self-esteem and withdraw from social activities, either due to fear of eating with others or from fatigue. A constant preoccupation with food, weight, and body image also creates emotional exhaustion, exacerbating the symptoms.  

Perfectionism and Control Issues

For some, controlling their eating is a way to process and cope with situations that are out of their control—usually spiraling into unhealthy and restrictive habits. Perfectionism can manifest as strict dietary rules and an extreme exercise regimen to feed the obsession of an ideal body type. And when they fall short of these unattainable standards, the person can experience intense self-criticism and guilt, perpetuating disordered eating patterns.

Eating disorders often coincide with conditions like obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and other compulsive disorders as both are driven by intrusive, distressing thoughts16. Someone with these co-occurring conditions may severely restrict their food among other behavioral rituals in an attempt to control their anxieties and thoughts. Each disorder has a unique impact on the brain and body, requiring individualized care.

Impact on Daily Life

Physical, behavioral, and emotional disruptions can blend into a symphony of destructive daily habits, worsening the eating disorder. Over time, this degrades the person’s overall well-being.

Academic Performance

Depriving the brain of proper nutrition leads to poor attention, concentration, and problem solving skills13, therefore decreasing academic performance. Students can then feel overwhelmed and frustrated by their poor performance, contributing to a cycle of restrictive behaviors and underperformance.

Beyond the physical impact of malnutrition, obsessive thoughts and anxieties can further disrupt concentration as they fixate on counting calories, planning meals, or their weight. Mood swings may also make it hard to stay present in academic settings.

Social Withdrawal

People with eating disorders tend to distance themselves from loved ones, avoiding social interactions and family gatherings to hide their food habits. They may feel ashamed of their eating disorder and concerned about judgements from worried friends and family. 

Isolation can only worsen the negative thought patterns involved in an eating disorder as a cycle of rumination grows. If you’re concerned about your child, you can try to do low stress, fun activities with them without mentioning their weight or eating habits to break this habit.

Daily Routine Disruptions

Eating disorders often interfere with healthy sleep17 due to energy and hormonal imbalances, leading to issues such as insomnia and irregular sleep patterns. This lack of sleep and food can contribute to poor concentration, irritability, and more.

Many individuals, particularly those with anorexia nervosa, orthorexia, or bulimia nervosa, compulsively or excessively exercise as a way to control weight or “burn off” calories. This overexercising can become a rigid part of their routine, often prioritized over other aspects of life, including social activities, rest, or work. 

Whether through lost hours of sleep, a preoccupation with exercise, or difficulty completing daily tasks due to fatigue, an eating disorder can take over much of their mental and physical energy.

When to Seek Professional Help

There is no such thing as a “bad” time to ask for help—whether you’re noticing the onset of eating disorder warning signs or the person needs serious medical care, professional treatment and family support can help your young adult not feel alone in their struggles.

Consulting Healthcare Providers

A healthcare professional can offer tailored insights for eating disorders and collaborate with you to create an achievable care plan. 

A pediatrician or general practitioner can be a good first point of contact. They can perform an initial physical assessment to evaluate the individual’s overall health, checking for signs of malnutrition, weight loss, or other physical symptoms associated with eating disorders (heart irregularities, electrolyte imbalances, or gastrointestinal issues). After these initial meetings, the practitioner can refer you to a specialist.

You may employ a diverse range of professionals to treat the eating disorder and any co-occurring conditions. Eating disorders are often linked to deep-seated emotional and psychological issues such as anxiety, so a psychologist can help address the mental and emotional aspects of each disorder through therapy. A registered dietitian specializing in eating disorders plays a crucial role in nutritional rehabilitation, as well. They can help restore a healthy relationship with food by creating personalized meal plans that support both physical and emotional recovery.

When necessary, eating disorder treatment centers offer intensive, multidisciplinary care based on the client’s needs. Some people with eating disorders may need a more intensive level of care to help monitor and manage their symptoms. When talking to your doctor, you can figure out which level of care best fits your needs:

  • Outpatient (OP): You’ll meet 1-2x per week with your provider and others in treatment.
  • Intensive outpatient (IOP): You’ll meet 3-5x per week for several hours at a time for more intensive care.
  • Partial hospitalization (PHP): You’ll meet 5-7 times a week for a full day.
  • Residential: You’ll live in a rehab for 28+ days and engage in treatment with a comprehensive staff and a community of peers.
  • Inpatient: You’ll live in a treatment center or hospital-like setting and have 24/7 monitoring.

Supporting a Young Adult with an Eating Disorder

Your child might be going through a confusing and complex time, and your support can set them on the path to a healthy relationship with their mind and body.

Open Communication

When talking to your young adult, it’s important that they feel safe in their space and in the conversation to be honest and vulnerable. Try to approach them with a non-judgemental tone, and calmly voice your concerns. You can say phrases like “I’ve noticed that you seem to be struggling with eating lately, and I’m concerned about your health.” This approach focuses on your feelings and observations rather than making the person feel judged or blamed.

Avoid talking about their physical appearance. Comments about their size, even if intended to be positive or neutral, can reinforce the focus on body image and exacerbate shame and guilt. 

Change takes time, and they may not be ready to acknowledge their problem immediately. Be patient and try to avoid threatening language, as this may push them away or increase their resistance to seeking help.

Let them know that you are there for them, regardless of their response to your concerns. Make it clear that your support is unwavering, and they can talk to you whenever they feel ready.

Creating a Supportive Environment

Your home can be a safe space where your young adult feels encouraged, understood, and supported in their journey toward health and well-being. In addition to having filling, nutrient dense foods, you can create a comfortable environment that encourages discussing emotions, struggles, and progress without fear of judgment.

You can be a positive role model for your child. Try to avoid dieting and weight talk, as this can reinforce disordered thinking. Shift the focus from appearance and weight to overall health and well-being, as this helps reduce the pressure they may feel to meet certain body image standards.

Recovery from an eating disorder is often a long and complex process, with setbacks and challenges along the way. Be patient and compassionate as they navigate their journey.

Resources for Further Help

These resources provide various levels of support, from immediate crisis intervention to long-term recovery assistance, and are available to individuals, families, and caregivers.

Hotlines:

  1. National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Helpline

Phone: 1-800-931-2237

Text: Text “NEDA” to 741741 for 24/7 crisis support

  1. Crisis Text Line

Text: Text “HELLO” to 741741

  1. The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth)

Phone: 1-866-488-7386

Text: Text “START” to 678678

Websites:

  1. National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA): Offers comprehensive resources, including a screening tool, information on treatment options, and support forums.
  2. National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD): Offers free, peer-led support groups, mentoring programs, and educational resources for individuals and families affected by eating disorders.
  3. Eating Disorder Hope: Provides resources on eating disorder treatment, recovery tools, and educational information for individuals and families.
  4. BEAT (United Kingdom): Offers support, resources, and a helpline for individuals with eating disorders in the UK.

Support Groups:

  1. ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders)
  2. Eating Disorders Anonymous (EDA)
  3. Overeaters Anonymous (OA)
  4. The Body Positive
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Discovering New Pathways to Eating Disorder Recovery

Dana Sedlak, LCSW, CEDS-C, was a wonderful guest on our recent Recovery.com Podcast episode. We were honored to learn more about her personal and professional experiences with eating disorder recovery, advancements in care, and how parents can navigate recovery with their children. Dana’s professional experience has centered around adolescents and their families, which she continues to this day. 

You can find Dana’s episode here and hear from our past guests.

A Passionate Eating Disorder Specialist

Dana Sedlak is a certified eating disorder specialist, licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), and a consultant with the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals (IAEDP). She’s worked primarily with adolescents at several treatment providers for eating disorder recovery. She strives to help teens rediscover their personal identity, learn healthy coping skills, and feel empowered and hopeful in their recovery.

Dana’s own experience as an adolescent with an eating disorder, and her subsequent recovery, fuels the daily passion she brings to her work.

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Dana’s personal experience with an eating disorder began in 8th grade. Mono left her unable to participate in sports, which was a key aspect of her life. She also went through grief at that time, which, 

“I would describe it as a perfect storm, right? There were so many different things happening in my life at that time that really kind of set me up for the actual development.”

Mono led her to lose weight and nearly every form of socialization, like school and sports. The grief, sickness, life upheaval, and stress led to unhealthy and unpleasant coping behaviors. Dana says, 

“It was very clear that I didn’t want to be doing the behaviors that I was doing, but I had no idea how to stop them.” 

Dana bravely involved her family once she realized something was wrong. As someone who loves writing and how it let her voice what she really felt, Dana wrote her family a letter describing what she was dealing with and that she needed their help. They responded promptly and got her into treatment. But even with their quick and loving response, Dana still struggled with imposter syndrome and worrying she was just ‘being dramatic.’ She remembers wondering,

“Maybe it’s not a big deal. Maybe I’m just experiencing something that everybody else in the world or all the other adolescent females might also be experiencing. And so feeling, like, am I being dramatic? Am I making this to be something way more than it is?”

Telling her family about her struggles also meant giving up her coping tool, uncovering her deep secret, and committing to treatment. Dana recalls,

“There was a swift, also, panic, right? Of what did I just do? But then there was a moment of relief, of okay, this is no longer just mine. And someone is going to help me.” 

The Importance of Communication and Forming Personal Identity

Dana’s personal story and what she’s experienced as a treatment provider highlights the crucial aspect of communication—between parents and adolescents, treatment providers and patients, and even within ourselves. She suggests parents keep an open line of communication with their kids to catch issues before they arise, get prompt treatment when they do, and validate challenges along the way.

Identity also becomes a crucial issue to address in treatment for adolescents. Dana called out the tendency for teens (and adults) to tie their identity to the sport they play, their extracurricular activities, and their grade point average. While those aspects may be key parts of their personal identity, exploring who they are beyond that can help teens understand how and why eating disorders have become a coping mechanism. Dana says, 

“We have to be able to help somebody understand themselves enough to realize, how is this [the eating disorder] helping me? How is this serving me? What is this doing for me–positively, without the judgment around it–to then figure out. Okay, so what are my other options? But if we don’t know that to begin with, we’re never going to figure out other options.”

Social media has also affected how young adults view and form their identity. The positive reinforcement of likes and shares encourages them to develop “suitable” versions of themselves. Managing this can lead to the stress associated with eating disorders or encourage weight loss through unrealistic portrayals of bodies and body image online. Through treatment, Dana strives to make teens feel like they’re living an authentic life true to themselves and who they are. She says, 

“I want them to just feel like they’re living a life of purpose that’s true to them. And that’s going to be the biggest protective factor...”

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How Parents Can Help: Early Intervention

By the time a parent notices their child struggling with an eating disorder (unless they’re well-aware of the signs), it can have already progressed to needing intensive lifestyle changes and treatment. Regarding how parents often feel when discovering this, Dana empathetically says,

“There can feel like, there’s a lot of blame and shame in parenting, feeling like it’s a parent’s fault, or that they didn’t see something.” … “I think it needs to be everybody being more educated and knowing how we start to see these early onset signs.” 

The earlier intervention happens, the better treatment outcomes become (that’s true for eating disorders and addiction.) An honest and compassionate conversation can be the first step in initiating treatment. When these interventions happen, 

“And to me, if we’re doing that, we’re not just preventing eating disorders, we’re preventing a significant amount of mental health issues.” … “You have to be integrated into your own family unit, as best as you can and have the conversations as much as you can, just as a first step, as a preventative, as part of the family culture.”

Relating to this, our host Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri adds,

“I think my message to parents who are doing that, is that you’re trying and that matters. And eventually, usually, that will get noticed. So don’t worry, you know, like as long as you’re making that effort and you’re trying and you’re keeping those lines of communication open, that’s great.”

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Advancements and Goals for Eating Disorder Treatment

More open communication and a team-oriented approach in the home is a preventative measure Dana sees having vast benefits. She says,

“…how do we eliminate that power struggle as much as possible of, we’re here to help you recover, but that also doesn’t look like me trying to take this thing away from you and getting into that back and forth with you, right? We can kind of both remove ourselves from that and figure out, how do we be a team? Against the eating disorder is what I always try to phrase it as, right?”

Family therapy and education on eating disorders also helps families heal as a collective unit. Many treatment centers, especially ones for adolescents, have started seeing the importance of family care and incorporating it as a vital component. 

Coaching has also become a vital tool in long-term eating disorder recovery. Therapists and/or  those with lived experience can become certified as eating disorder recovery coaches and walk beside people in their recovery. This keeps the patient connected to support without intensive care, or really the feeling of ‘being in treatment.’

As for what Dana would tell others struggling with an eating disorder, especially teens, she says, 

“But taking the chance, even if you don’t know that you want to get rid of the eating disorder, that’s okay. How can we still help you take a step towards feeling better right now? And like I was saying before, the rest will come. You deserve to feel better, you deserve a space to have less pain, regardless of your commitment level.”

Listen to Dana’s Episode Now

We’re grateful for Dana’s time and expertise, and for the illuminating conversations we had with our host Dr. Malasri Chaudhery-Malgeri and co-host Amanda Uphoff, Recovery.com’s Chief of Staff and a woman in recovery from an eating disorder and alcohol use disorder. 
You can find Dana’s episode here!