Tag: Trauma

Posted on

Navigating Trauma: Jonas’s 7 Ways Treatment Can Transform Your Life

Life can throw unexpected curveballs, leaving us feeling lost, overwhelmed, and disconnected. For many, navigating the aftermath of trauma can feel like an insurmountable challenge, impacting not only their own well-being but also the lives of those around them. Yet, as one individual’s journey illustrates, seeking help can provide a pathway to profound transformation, even when circumstances remain largely the same.

1. Recognizing the Need for Help: The Unseen Struggle

Often, the individuals most in need of support are the last to recognize the depth of their struggle. This was certainly the case for Jonas, who found himself in a chaotic and dark period of his life, grappling with an abusive relationship and the heartbreaking loss of contact with his children. Despite his internal turmoil, it was his sister who ultimately identified the severity of his situation and recommended trauma treatment at InHarmoni Rehab. As Jonas recounts, “I didn’t really understand in what kind of position I was in. Before she told me I needed to go, of course I realized that I was using sleeping pills in order to sleep, and things were going not in the right direction. I could see the signs, but I could not understand it myself.”

This sentiment underscores a critical aspect of mental health: self-awareness can be a significant barrier when deeply entrenched in emotional pain. External perspectives from loved ones can be invaluable in these moments, offering a lifeline when an individual is unable to objectively assess their own needs. The signs—such as relying on substances like sleeping pills to cope—were present, yet the emotional toll prevented Jonas from fully grasping the extent of his struggles. This often happens because trauma can impair our ability to regulate emotions and make sound judgments, leading to a distorted view of reality and a reluctance to seek help.

2. Overcoming Skepticism: A Leap of Faith Towards Healing

The decision to enter treatment is rarely an easy one, often accompanied by a healthy dose of skepticism and apprehension. Jonas admits, “My expectations going into treatment was quite on the skeptical side. I didn’t think I could do much about changing my behavior and my mood because of the state and my life situation. So I would say that I was quite skeptical.” This initial doubt is a common hurdle for many seeking help for trauma. The weight of past experiences and the belief that one’s situation is unchangeable can create a powerful barrier to embracing the possibility of recovery.

However, moving past this skepticism is often the first and most crucial step towards healing. It requires a willingness to suspend disbelief and take a leap of faith, even when the path ahead seems uncertain. This initial acceptance, even if hesitant, opens the door to new perspectives and strategies for coping. For those contemplating treatment, it’s important to acknowledge these fears and recognize that they are a normal part of the process. Trusting in the therapeutic process, even when doubts linger, can unlock profound personal growth.

Explore trauma treatment options.

3. The Ripple Effect of Healing: A New Perspective on Connection

One of the most profound realizations Jonas experienced in rehab was the interconnectedness of his well-being with those around him. He discovered that his emotional state and behaviors had a significant impact on his friends, family, and ultimately, his children, even in their absence. “Well, I would say that rehab gave me a brand new perspective on life. I realized that it’s not only me that matters because the way I feel and behave affects everybody around me. And if I don’t feel well, My friends, my family, and everybody will be affected.”

This shift in perspective is a cornerstone of trauma recovery. It moves beyond individual suffering to encompass the broader relational context. When individuals heal from trauma, the positive effects radiate outwards, improving the quality of their relationships and creating a more positive environment for everyone involved. This understanding also empowered Jonas to maintain his strength for his children, recognizing that even without direct contact, his improved well-being could indirectly impact them. This concept aligns with attachment theory, which posits that our emotional well-being and relational patterns are deeply intertwined. A research article in Psychological Science in the Public Interest highlights the lasting impact of early attachment experiences on adult relationships and mental health, underscoring the importance of healing individual trauma for the benefit of broader relational systems.

4. Embracing Practical Skills: Tools for Lasting Change

Beyond theoretical insights, trauma treatment provides invaluable practical skills that empower individuals to navigate daily challenges and foster lasting change. For Jonas, two key practices stood out: morning meditation and a conscious effort to change his communication patterns. He notes, “And of course there was a lot of practical skills that I’m using every morning, especially the meditation and especially the way I communicate. I’m trying to change my communication patterns because I realized that that was one of the reasons why I ended up in the situation I was in.”

Meditation offers a powerful tool for mindfulness, allowing individuals to observe their thoughts and feelings without judgment and cultivate a sense of calm amidst chaos. It can help regulate the nervous system, which is often dysregulated in individuals with trauma.

Communication skills are equally crucial, especially for those whose past trauma may have impacted their ability to express themselves effectively or set healthy boundaries. Learning to communicate assertively, actively listen, and understand non-verbal cues can transform relationships and prevent recurring patterns of conflict. These skills are often taught in various forms of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which are frequently used in trauma treatment.

5. Redefining “Better”: Thriving Amidst Unchanged Circumstances

Perhaps one of the most remarkable aspects of Jonas’s journey is his ability to thrive even when his external circumstances remained largely the same. He clarifies, “actually I would say that my life today is not much different. I’m not in a completely different situation. The situation is actually the same, although the way I feel in this situation is what has have changed. I can now handle the situation. I can now understand what I’m feeling, and I also understand that things will be as good as you make them.”

This powerful realization highlights that healing isn’t always about dramatically altering external circumstances, but rather about transforming one’s internal landscape. It’s about developing resilience, emotional regulation, and a proactive mindset to navigate life’s challenges. Before treatment, Jonas was “feeling worse and worse,” but now, even with similar external pressures, he’s “feeling better and better.” This shift in perspective and internal strength is a testament to the profound impact of trauma treatment. It demonstrates that true well-being stems from our ability to adapt, cope, and find inner peace regardless of external variables. This internal locus of control is a key factor in long-term recovery and resilience, as detailed by research on psychological well-being.

6. The Investment in Yourself: An Insurance for the Future

For those hesitating to seek treatment due to concerns about cost or efficacy, Jonas offers a compelling perspective: it’s an investment, an insurance for the future. He urges individuals to consider the broader implications of their well-being, emphasizing that the positive impact extends beyond themselves. “I would say that this is a really, really small investment compared to what it’s gonna cost you if you don’t make the investment. So I would see it as a, as an insurance. It’s an insurance for the future. You can change everything for the better. By taking this step, I wish you the best of luck.”

This powerful analogy underscores the long-term benefits of addressing trauma. The emotional, physical, and relational costs of untreated trauma can be immense, leading to chronic stress, strained relationships, and diminished quality of life. Investing in treatment is not just about alleviating immediate suffering; it’s about building a foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling future. It’s an investment in personal growth, improved relationships, and overall well-being. Thinking about the cost-benefit analysis of treatment can be a powerful motivator for many.

How to pay for treatment.

7. Taking the First Step: Embracing the Unknown

The journey to healing can feel daunting, filled with questions and uncertainties about the process, the environment, and the people involved. Jonas acknowledges these common fears: “maybe you are a little bit in the doubt about going, maybe you’re a little bit scared about, you know, how it’s gonna be like, maybe you’re thinking about what kind of people are you gonna meet? How is the premises gonna be? How is the food gonna be? How is, how is this gonna change me anyway? How can, how can a treatment change anything?”

His advice is simple yet profound: “I would say that the only thing you can do to find out is to take the step because you know where you’re at, you know what problems you have, and if you want to try to solve them, try to find a solution. I would say that this is a really good first step.”

This sentiment encapsulates the essence of taking control of one’s narrative. While uncertainties may linger, the potential for positive change far outweighs the fear of the unknown. Recognizing one’s current struggles and actively seeking solutions is the courageous first stride towards a brighter future. Embarking on a healing journey requires courage, self-compassion, and a willingness to embrace the transformative power of support.

Posted on

How to Overcome C-PTSD: Max’s Insights to Find Healing and Hope

Mental health challenges affect countless individuals, but sharing our stories can inspire hope and provide a path to healing. In a compelling episode of the “Giving Voice to Mental Health Podcast,” Max bravely shares her journey of living with and recovering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). Her story is a testament to the human spirit’s resilience and the transformative power of therapy, self-reflection, and healthy relationships.

Understanding Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD)

While many are familiar with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), C-PTSD presents a unique set of challenges that stem from prolonged and repeated exposure to trauma, often during childhood. Max describes C-PTSD as “your regular PTSD and then you add a little bit of extra seasonings in.” These “seasonings” include deeply ingrained issues like a distorted sense of self, an altered perception of the world and others, and a pervasive sense of dread. Unlike single-incident trauma, the prolonged nature of C-PTSD means that the traumatic experiences often become a child’s “reality,” making it incredibly difficult to recognize the abnormality of their situation.

Max highlights several common symptoms of C-PTSD, including:

  • Negative self-perception: A deep-seated belief of being unlovable or unworthy.
  • Relationship difficulties: Struggling to form healthy connections and trust others.
  • Hypervigilance: A constant state of alertness and readiness for danger.
  • Dissociation: Feeling disconnected from one’s thoughts, feelings, or body.
  • Cognitive disorders: Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.
  • Loss of meaning and purpose: A pervasive sense of emptiness or hopelessness.

“It’s very deep rooted, the complex trauma,” Max emphasizes, underscoring how these experiences shape an individual’s entire being and worldview. The feeling of helplessness experienced during the trauma often persists, even long after the individual is no longer in the traumatic environment.

The Profound Impact of Childhood Trauma and Unsafe Environments

Max’s narrative powerfully illustrates how childhood trauma, particularly within the home, can shatter a child’s sense of safety and self-worth. She bravely reveals the physical and emotional abuse inflicted by her older brother, and the heartbreaking lack of protection from her mother and stepfather. Her mother’s repeated refusal to intervene, stating, “I would never abandon my babies,” while simultaneously abandoning Max by not protecting her, created a deeply confusing and damaging dynamic.

The insidious nature of this trauma was further exacerbated by a lack of accountability from her family. Max recounts her desperate pleas to be heard, only to be met with superficial mending and a continuation of the cycle of abuse. This experience led to a profound feeling of being unheard and unsafe within her own home. As she painfully recounts, “I had to scream to be heard, but even if I was heard, things didn’t really change.”

The psychological toll of living in a constant state of fear and vulnerability, where the “bully” is “in your house,” is immense. Max describes this period as “mind messing with,” where every return home brought her back to an unsafe and unprotected space. The lack of intervention normalized the abuse, leading to a cognitive dissonance where she believed, “They’re telling me that they love me, even if they’re treating me this way. So this is how people who love you treat you.” This warped perception of love and relationships is a direct consequence of prolonged childhood trauma and can have lasting effects on an individual’s ability to form healthy attachments later in life.

Explore trauma treatment options.

The Weight of Unresolved Trauma: Carrying the Past Forward

Even decades later, the echoes of Max’s childhood trauma continued to resonate within her. She identifies a persistent “feeling of needing to perform” as a direct carryover from her upbringing, where “the only way that I was acceptable in my home was when I performed and when I met a certain standard, of honestly, perfection.” This ingrained need for perfection can lead to intense self-criticism and a constant feeling of inadequacy, even when achieving significant accomplishments.

At the core of these lingering effects is the pervasive belief, “I’m unlovable.” This deeply painful sentiment underscores the profound impact of her early experiences on her self-worth. “There’s nothing more that I’ve wanted in my life than to feel loved and understood because I just didn’t for a long time,” Max shares, highlighting the yearning for the very emotional needs that were denied to her as a child. This feeling of being unlovable, coupled with the expectation to manage others’ emotions, created an internal conflict.

The inability of her parents to acknowledge their role in her trauma further compounded Max’s pain. Her stepfather’s inability to grasp the depth of her fear, even after blunt explanations in her twenties, (“What do you mean you didn’t know I felt safe?”), exemplifies the gaslighting and emotional invalidation that was a hallmark of her upbringing. This lack of empathy and accountability from those who should have protected her left deep wounds.

The Path to Healing: Embracing Therapy and DBT

Max’s journey to recovery began over a decade ago with traditional talk therapy, but she quickly realized its limitations. “It kind of just felt like a bandaid where it’s like, okay, like I was able to process this thing. But I never really addressed like the core issues.” This realization led her to seek out more specialized and effective treatments, eventually connecting with her current therapist, Lisa.

Lisa introduced Max to a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Prolonged Exposure Program, a multi-phase approach that proved to be “life-changing.” The first phase involved group therapy, where Max learned crucial DBT skills:

  • Interpersonal effectiveness: Strategies for navigating relationships and communicating needs effectively.
  • Distress tolerance: Techniques for coping with difficult emotions and challenging situations without resorting to destructive behaviors.
  • Emotional regulation: Skills for understanding, managing, and responding to emotions in a healthy way.

These skills empowered Max to “fight back a lot of the thoughts” that had long controlled her. While the thoughts still exist, she now possesses the tools to challenge them and prevent them from overwhelming her. This shift from passive acceptance to active engagement with her internal landscape was a pivotal moment in her recovery.

Confronting the “Shadow Realm”: Prolonged Exposure Therapy

Following the group therapy phase, Max entered what she aptly calls the “shadow realm” – the prolonged exposure component of her treatment. This intensive phase involved reliving traumatic memories and engaging in “in vivos,” which are real-life exposures designed to challenge avoidance behaviors and desensitize her to triggers. This process, while challenging, was crucial for directly addressing the deeply rooted trauma responses.

A key aspect of this phase was learning to communicate her needs effectively and setting healthy boundaries. “Communicating that I was really bothered by something and I need to see actual change versus just being like, okay, well I talked about it. I hope that it gets better,” was a significant step forward. This marked a departure from the cycle of superficial mending and enabled her to demand genuine accountability in her relationships.

The successful completion of prolonged exposure therapy led to a monumental achievement for Max: her C-PTSD went into remission. This remarkable progress highlights the effectiveness of evidence-based therapies in addressing complex trauma.

Living with Scars, Not Wounds: The Ongoing Journey of Healing

Max describes her post-remission phase as “the next phase of the DBT program where it’s mostly using what we call like the free skill.” This involves incorporating “random acts of exposure” and “embracing our emotions,” ultimately striving to live a life where struggles may still arise, but they no longer control her.

Her powerful metaphor of a “haunted house” illustrates her previous state of being, controlled by the “ghosts” of her past. Healing, she realized, wasn’t about exorcising these ghosts entirely, but rather about acquiring the “tools to fight back the ghosts.” With her “Ghostbusters like plasma beam” and “crucifix holy water,” Max now possesses the agency to navigate her internal landscape and manage her triggers effectively. The scars of her past remain, but they are no longer open wounds that dictate her life. This ongoing process of managing symptoms and embracing emotional experiences is a cornerstone of long-term recovery.

The Power of Being Seen and Heard: Validation and Connection

For someone who was gaslit and silenced for so long, the act of being seen and heard has been profoundly healing for Max. “It’s healing to talk about it because I was gaslit so much into thinking like, well, you are the problem. Well, if you didn’t push his buttons, if you didn’t do this, or if you were better than you wouldn’t have these things happening to you.” The validation she receives from others who acknowledge the injustice of her past experiences (“that is not okay. That was wild”) is a powerful antidote to years of self-blame.

Surrounding herself with supportive and understanding individuals has been critical. Her “platonic soulmate” in college taught her about unconditional love, a concept previously alien to her. This experience, coupled with her current healthy relationships, has allowed her to practice vulnerability and express her needs without fear. She shares a seemingly “silly” yet deeply impactful example of hiding phone games from her boyfriend due to past ridicule. The ability to be vulnerable and have her interests accepted, even something as small as a phone game, signifies a profound shift in her sense of safety and self-acceptance.

Unlearning and Reclaiming Self: Embracing Authenticity

Max’s outward presentation—her chosen attire, hair, and name—is a powerful reflection of her inner healing and the process of “unlearning” the societal and familial expectations placed upon her. “Me looking this cool, my 12-year-old self would be like bouncing off the walls,” she joyfully exclaims. This reclaiming of her authentic self, a self that was suppressed and judged in her youth, is a source of immense pride and healing.

While acknowledging that “masking” is sometimes necessary to navigate the world, Max emphasizes that her newfound confidence and hope empower her to be herself more fully. This journey of self-discovery and acceptance is an ongoing process, but one that brings her profound joy and a sense of liberation. The ability to present as her true self is a direct result of the inner work she has undertaken to heal from trauma and shed the burden of others’ judgments.

Finding Hope and Joy: A Message to Those Still Struggling

Max’s message to those closer to where she was than where she is now is one of unwavering hope. She acknowledges the immense difficulty of introspection and connecting the dots between past experiences and present struggles. However, she firmly believes that “it sucks way more to stay there.” The pain of remaining stagnant far outweighs the discomfort of confronting and working through trauma.

Her personal experience of wanting to give up, but realizing that her desire wasn’t to quit, but to alleviate pain, is a profound insight. While the pain may not entirely disappear, it becomes manageable and less controlling. What once took months to overcome now takes weeks, demonstrating the tangible progress possible through consistent effort and support.

Max’s decision to go no contact with her parents, though difficult, brought her an unprecedented sense of peace. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that you’re at peace with anything related to your family,” her therapist observed. This underscores the power of setting healthy boundaries, even when it involves significant personal sacrifice. Making “hard choices, doing hard things” may feel agonizing in the moment, but the ultimate reward is a life where “you feel a lot better and you can navigate it a lot better even if you stumble, even if there’s some lows, there is a higher, better place.”

Max’s story is a powerful reminder that while trauma leaves scars, these scars can serve as testaments to resilience and a healed spirit. Her journey from feeling like a “haunted house” to becoming a “Ghostbuster” of her own mind offers invaluable lessons and inspiration for anyone navigating the complexities of C-PTSD and seeking a path toward a life of hope, joy, and authenticity.

Posted on

The Path to Peace: Asia’s 5+ Steps to Embracing Your Mental Health Recovery Journey

Life can be chaotic. We may find ourselves entangled in a web of emotional dysregulation, strained relationships, and internal battles. For many, this tumultuous existence feels like an inescapable cycle, leaving them questioning if genuine happiness is even possible.

However, as Asia, a woman in recovery from mental health challenges, depression, anxiety, food addiction, and domestic violence PTSD, powerfully articulates, “My life before I started my recovery journey was extremely chaotic. I had problems with just about every family member of mine. I had problems in my relationship. I was emotionally dysregulated. Life was not fun, and I had realized that something had to give and something had to change. And I guess that something had to be me.” Her journey from chaos to clarity offers a beacon of hope, demonstrating that a commitment to self-discovery and intentional action can pave the way for a more peaceful and purposeful life.

1. The Power of Educating Yourself: Illuminating Your Inner Landscape

The initial spark for change often ignites with a moment of stark realization. For Asia, this moment arrived when her personal struggles began to impact her professional life. “When I realized like I’m losing control, I might lose my job based on my lack of being able to deal with the things that I have going on in a healthy way,” she recalls. This turning point propelled her toward self-education, a foundational step that laid the groundwork for her entire recovery. She discovered Emotional Chaos and Clarity by Phillip Moffitt, a book that profoundly resonated with her experiences. “It was nothing but emotional chaos and I wanted clarity,” she explains. This act of seeking knowledge allowed her to identify and understand the intricate patterns of her emotional life, providing a roadmap for change.

Self-education in recovery goes beyond simply reading a single book. It involves actively seeking out information, resources, and perspectives that shed light on your specific challenges. This could include:

  • Reading books and articles: Explore topics related to your mental health conditions, trauma, addiction, and emotional regulation. Look for reputable sources, including academic texts, self-help guides by qualified professionals, and memoirs of individuals who have successfully navigated similar journeys.
  • Listening to podcasts and webinars: Engage with content that offers expert insights, personal stories, and practical strategies for managing your symptoms and fostering well-being.
  • Attending workshops and seminars: Participate in educational programs that provide structured learning environments and opportunities to connect with others who share similar experiences.
  • Journaling and self-reflection: Regularly documenting your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help you identify triggers, patterns, and areas for growth. This introspective practice complements external learning by fostering a deeper understanding of your internal landscape.

By investing in self-education, you equip yourself with the knowledge and vocabulary to articulate your experiences, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and develop a more informed approach to your recovery. It empowers you to become an active participant in your healing process, rather than a passive recipient of circumstances.

2. Navigating the Therapeutic Journey: Persistence Pays Off

While self-education provides a crucial foundation, professional guidance often proves indispensable on the path to recovery. However, as Asia’s experience highlights, finding the right therapeutic fit can be a challenging, multi-step process. “I sought out therapy and the first time felt good, but I only went once. And then years later, more things were happening to me and I found another one virtually, and I went for a while, but I didn’t really feel the most comfortable with that person. And I think that’s why people give up on recovery… My third time didn’t even work out because I felt connected, but I didn’t feel like I was getting questioned enough to get to the root of what would help me change my mind about my issues.” This candid admission underscores a common hurdle in recovery: the temptation to abandon the process when initial attempts don’t yield immediate results.

Asia’s persistence ultimately led her to a fourth therapist who proved to be a transformative force. “Now I’m on my fourth therapist and she has been one of the best things ever on my journey of mental recovery, of defeat and depression, anxiety, food addiction and PTSD from domestic violence. She connects with me. She understands me. She digs deeper. She asks me questions that forces me to really connect with how I’m feeling and figure out, you know, how to stand on my boundaries, how to be a stronger person, how to be more resilient.” This powerful endorsement emphasizes the importance of a therapist who not only provides a safe space for expression but also actively challenges and guides you toward deeper understanding and actionable change.

When seeking therapy, consider the following:

  • Be patient and persistent: It’s rare to find the perfect therapist on the first try. Don’t be discouraged if you need to try a few different professionals before finding someone who aligns with your needs and goals.
  • Communicate your needs: Be open and honest with potential therapists about what you’re looking for, your concerns, and your preferred therapeutic approach.
  • Prioritize connection and trust: A strong therapeutic alliance built on trust and mutual respect is crucial for effective treatment.
  • Look for a therapist who challenges you: While support is important, a good therapist will also gently push you to confront uncomfortable truths, explore underlying issues, and develop new coping mechanisms. They should ask insightful questions that encourage self-reflection and deeper understanding.
  • Consider different modalities: Various therapeutic approaches exist, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) for trauma, and psychodynamic therapy. Researching these options and discussing them with potential therapists can help you find a suitable fit.

The commitment to finding the right therapeutic support, even when the path is winding, is an investment in your long-term well-being and a testament to your dedication to recovery.

3. Recovery is a Marathon, Not a Sprint: Embracing the Ongoing Journey

A fundamental truth of recovery, as Asia eloquently states, is that “recovery is a marathon and not a sprint. Recovery is an ongoing thing. There is no finish line to recovery because we’ve been through absolutely so much in life is so much to recover from that. It’s an everyday ongoing process of just healing those wounds.” This perspective shifts the focus from a finite destination to a continuous process of growth, healing, and self-discovery.

Embracing recovery as an ongoing journey means understanding that:

  • Setbacks are a normal part of the process: There will be days when you feel overwhelmed, experience old patterns resurfacing, or face new challenges. These are not failures but opportunities for further learning and refinement of your coping strategies.
  • Self-compassion is paramount: Be kind to yourself during difficult moments. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, even when things feel challenging.
  • Consistency is key: Regular engagement with your recovery practices, whether it’s attending therapy, practicing mindfulness, or utilizing coping skills, builds resilience over time. Asia’s commitment to weekly therapy sessions, even when she initially felt she didn’t need them, highlights the importance of consistent effort. “I know I need her every week because recovery is ongoing. I think I can handle things that sometimes I’m more overwhelming than I thought.”
  • Growth is layered: Asia beautifully describes recovery as peeling back the layers of an onion: “I’m proud and excited to be able to continue to pull back layers of myself, which I call an onion, because maybe sometimes it stinks, but you know, we still use it to spice up that food. It makes you who you are, it makes the dish what it is, and we need it, and we need to keep pulling back more and more to discover what is it gonna take for us to live our most healthy lives?” This metaphor encapsulates the idea that healing is not linear; it involves continually uncovering and addressing deeper wounds and unconscious patterns.
  • Adaptability is essential: As you progress, your needs and goals may evolve. Be open to adjusting your recovery strategies and seeking new forms of support as required.

Understanding recovery as a lifelong commitment liberates you from the pressure of perfection and allows you to appreciate the continuous unfolding of your personal growth.

4. Life Transformed: The Fruits of Intentional Recovery

The rewards of embarking on a dedicated recovery journey are profound and far-reaching. Asia’s transformation is a testament to this, as she describes a life now characterized by greater peace and purpose. “My life now compared to before I started my recovery journey is a lot more peaceful. I believe that I can handle difficulty in a way that will not destroy me.” While acknowledging that life isn’t perfect and challenges still arise, she emphasizes a newfound capacity to navigate adversity without being consumed by it.

The benefits of intentional recovery often manifest in several key areas:

  • Enhanced emotional regulation: Learning to identify, understand, and manage your emotions in healthy ways reduces emotional dysregulation and reactivity.
  • Improved relationships: As you heal internally, your relationships with others often become more positive, authentic, and fulfilling. You develop stronger boundaries and communication skills.
  • Increased self-awareness and understanding: Delving into your past and present experiences helps you understand “what happened to me and how it affected me.” This self-knowledge provides clarity and empowers you to make conscious choices. Asia notes, “My life has a better sense of purpose and understanding due to how I’ve educated myself like I am this way because I went on a recovery journey to figure out what happened to me.”
  • Greater resilience: The tools and insights gained through recovery equip you to face life’s inevitable challenges with greater strength and adaptability. You learn to “fight better and always become the winner and the conqueror of any hard situation.”
  • A sense of purpose and joy: Moving beyond the constant fight with internal demons allows you to connect with your values, pursue meaningful goals, and experience genuine happiness and peace. Asia articulates this beautifully: “I know how it feels to feel amazing and at peace and go to sleep every night, grateful and thankful, and wake up the same way the next morning.”

The transformation is not about eradicating problems but about developing the capacity to respond to them with greater wisdom and strength. It’s about shifting from being defined by your struggles to being defined by your resilience and capacity for joy.

5. Self-Compassion and Intentionality: Your Daily Commitment

At the heart of a sustainable recovery journey lies the twin pillars of self-compassion and intentionality. Asia’s advice to those facing similar challenges is direct and compassionate: “My advice would be to dive deeper into yourself. Cut the distractions that you so easily create in your life, whether it be work, relationships, kids, family, family, everyone else but you. I know so many people that focus on everything and everyone else but themselves.” This powerful statement underscores the critical need to prioritize your own well-being.

Key aspects of self-compassion and intentionality include:

  • Accepting that “it’s okay to not be okay”: This is a crucial first step. Acknowledging your struggles without judgment opens the door to healing. As Asia advises, “Be okay with the fact that you’re not okay. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s human to not be able to withstand so much trauma. That’s all right. What’s not okay, is ignoring it like it’s not there. Like it didn’t happen, like it didn’t affect you.”
  • Prioritizing self-care: This involves consciously dedicating time and energy to activities that nourish your mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s about setting boundaries, engaging in stress-reducing practices, and ensuring adequate rest.
  • Daily intentionality: Recovery is not something that just happens; it’s a choice made daily. This means actively engaging in practices that support your well-being, even when it feels difficult. “I have to be aware about it every day. I have to be intentional about my recovery. I have to be intentional about my mental health,” Asia emphasizes.
  • Shifting your identity: Recovery is about recognizing that your struggles do not define you. While you may have experienced depression, anxiety, or addiction, you are not those conditions. “Your depression is not something that should be a part of your identity. Your depression should not rule over your happiness and your joy. What has to be the winner is you genuinely being okay with yourself, with your life, and doing whatever it takes to be healthy, mentally, physically, emotionally,” Asia powerfully states. This reframe allows you to step into a more empowered and authentic version of yourself.
  • Don’t delay seeking help: For those on the fence about getting help, Asia’s message is clear: “Get off the fence because this is your life and we don’t have a lot of time. Every single day is so precious that I truly believe that every human being deserves to genuinely be happy, genuinely not have to be fighting demons daily.”

Ultimately, the journey of recovery is a profound act of self-love and courage. It demands honesty, perseverance, and a willingness to confront discomfort. However, the peace, purpose, and joy that await on the other side are immeasurable. By embracing self-education, pursuing consistent therapeutic support, understanding recovery as an ongoing process, and committing to daily self-compassion and intentionality, you too can unmask your path to lasting peace and well-being.

A Brighter Tomorrow, Today

Asia’s recovery journey is a powerful testament to the human capacity for healing and transformation. Her story underscores that while life may present immense challenges, it is within our power to cultivate a life of purpose, peace, and genuine happiness. By taking the courageous steps of self-education, seeking appropriate professional help, embracing the ongoing nature of recovery, and committing to daily self-compassion and intentionality, anyone can embark on their own path toward a brighter tomorrow. Remember, your journey is unique, but the promise of a more fulfilling life is a universal truth worth fighting for.

Posted on

The Body Keeps The Score Summary: 8 Key Insights to Heal From Trauma

Bessel van der Kolk’s seminal work, “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma,” offers a groundbreaking perspective on the impact of trauma on individuals. This book summary delves deep into how traumatic experiences fundamentally alter the brain, mind, and body, moving beyond traditional psychiatry and opening new pathways for trauma recovery. Through extensive neuroscience research and compelling case studies, van der Kolk argues that traumatized individuals require interventions that address not just the psychological, but also the physiological effects of trauma.

The article aims to provide a comprehensive overview of the book’s core takeaways, highlighting the necessity of a holistic approach to trauma treatment for trauma survivors and emphasizing the profound connection between our mental and physical well-being. It explores how early life traumatic events can rewire the nervous system, leading to persistent challenges that manifest as various physical symptoms and emotional dysregulation.

1. Understanding Trauma’s Pervasive Reach

Trauma is not merely a psychological scar; it is a profound alteration of the entire human organism. Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes that traumatic experiences are far more common than generally acknowledged, ranging from child abuse and domestic violence to war and natural disasters.

He notes that:

  • One in five Americans was sexually molested as a child
  • One in four was beaten by a parent to the point of a mark being left on their body
  • One in three couples engages in physical violence.

These statistics underscore trauma as a pervasive public health issue.

The book argues that while humans are incredibly resilient, traumatic events leave indelible traces on our minds, emotions, biology, and even our immune systems.

This broad understanding of trauma extends beyond the immediate psychological distress, illustrating how it impacts an individual’s capacity for joy, intimacy, and overall well-being. The author asserts that the struggle and resilience of his patients are deeply moving, demonstrating the human capacity to endure and seek healing.

2. The Brain’s Altered Landscape in Trauma

One of the most profound contributions of The Body Keeps the Score is its detailed exploration of how traumatic experiences literally rewire the brain. Advances in neuroscience, particularly brain imaging, have provided irrefutable evidence of these physiological changes. The book explains that trauma compromises the brain areas responsible for basic self-awareness and the accurate filtering of information.

The brain’s alarm system, primarily centered in the amygdala, becomes recalibrated in traumatized people. This leads to a state of being hypervigilant to threat, even when no actual danger is present.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and executive function, can go “offline” during traumatic flashbacks, impairing the ability to think logically and put feelings into words. This neurobiological shift explains why trauma survivors often struggle with learning from experience and repeatedly face similar problems.

3. How the Body Keeps the Score: A Physical Imprint

The core premise of Bessel van der Kolk’s work is that trauma is “encoded in the viscera,” meaning it profoundly affects our bodily sensations and physical reality. The autonomic nervous system (ANS), comprising the sympathetic (accelerator) and parasympathetic (brake) branches, becomes dysregulated.

This leads to persistent physical symptoms such as chronic pain, fibromyalgia, and even heart disease, as the body remains in a perpetual state of defense.

A crucial concept is interoception, the ability to feel and interpret internal bodily sensations. Traumatized individuals often lose this connection, leading to alexithymia—the inability to put feelings into words. They may experience physical discomfort without understanding its emotional root, or become so adept at numbing themselves that they lose touch with pleasure as well as pain.

The book vividly illustrates how these deeply ingrained physiological responses are outside conscious control, emphasizing that “the act of telling the story doesn’t necessarily alter the automatic physical and hormonal responses of bodies that remain hypervigilant, prepared to be assaulted or violated at any time.”

4. Childhood Trauma: The Hidden Epidemic

Childhood trauma, including neglect, sexual abuse, and domestic violence, is presented as a hidden epidemic with devastating long-term consequences. Van der Kolk highlights findings from the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study, which revealed a strong correlation between early adverse experiences and a multitude of adult physical and mental health problems, including chronic depression, alcoholism, substance abuse, and even heart disease and cancer. The study showed that “for every soldier who serves in a war zone abroad, there are ten children who are endangered in their own homes.”

The development of secure attachment in early childhood is crucial for a child’s sense of self and capacity for self-regulation. When caregivers are a source of terror or neglect, children often develop disorganized attachment patterns.

These patterns, characterized by a fundamental lack of safety and trust, lead to pervasive dysregulation in emotional brain functions, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships, regulate their arousal, and maintain focus. Such traumatized children often struggle to distinguish between safety and danger, leading to repeated cycles of revictimization.

5. The Unbearable Weight of Traumatic Memories and Re-enactment

Traumatic memories differ significantly from ordinary memories. Instead of being organized as a coherent narrative, they are often fragmented, stored as isolated sensory imprints: images, sounds, physical sensations, and overwhelming emotions.

This fragmentation is linked to the deactivation of Broca’s area (the speech center) and the frontal lobes during overwhelming events. This means trauma survivors often experience flashbacks where they literally re-live the event as if it were happening in the present, complete with physiological arousal and the original emotions.

The book delves into the concept of dissociation, where parts of the overwhelming experience are split off from conscious awareness. This can manifest as depersonalization (feeling detached from oneself) or derealization (feeling that reality is unreal).

This “speechless horror” makes it incredibly difficult for traumatized people to articulate their experiences, leading to a “cover story” that fails to capture the inner truth. The “compulsion to repeat” trauma, where individuals unwittingly re-enact aspects of their past in current relationships or behaviors, is also explored as a desperate, often unconscious, attempt to gain control over unbearable feelings.

6. Embracing Holistic Paths to Recovery: Mind-Body Connection

A central theme of The Body Keeps the Score is the necessity of a holistic approach to trauma treatment. Van der Kolk argues that traditional talk therapy alone is often insufficient, as the rational brain cannot simply “talk” the emotional brain out of its deeply ingrained responses. True healing of trauma requires engaging the entire organism—body, mind, and brain—through both “top-down” and “bottom-up” approaches.

  • Top-down processing involves strengthening the prefrontal cortex’s capacity to understand and make sense of internal experiences, fostering self-awareness and cognitive control.
  • Bottom-up processing focuses on recalibrating the autonomic nervous system by directly addressing bodily sensations and physiological arousal. This involves practices that help the body learn that the danger has passed and that it is safe to relax.

The goal is to restore the proper balance between the rational and emotional brains, enabling trauma survivors to regain self-leadership and feel in charge of their responses and lives.

7. Innovative Therapeutic Interventions for Trauma

The book explores a diverse array of interventions that target the various ways trauma is held in the body and mind:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR is presented as a powerful method for processing traumatic memories. It involves bilateral stimulation (often eye movements) while the client focuses on distressing memories. The theory suggests this process mimics the memory reprocessing that occurs during REM sleep, allowing traumatic memories to be integrated into a coherent narrative rather than remaining fragmented and overwhelming. Clinical studies, including van der Kolk’s own, showed EMDR to be highly effective, often leading to significant symptom reduction and long-term improvements in trauma survivors, even outperforming certain medications like Prozac.

Yoga and Mindfulness

Yoga is highlighted as a potent tool for trauma recovery by helping traumatized people to safely inhabit their bodies. Through conscious breathing (pranayama) and postures (asanas), yoga cultivates self-awareness and directly impacts the nervous system, improving heart rate variability (HRV) and regulating arousal.

Mindfulness, a core component of yoga, teaches individuals to observe their physical sensations and emotions without judgment, fostering emotional regulation and increasing the “window of tolerance” for difficult feelings. This bottom-up approach helps to counter the numbing and hyperarousal often experienced by trauma survivors.

Neurofeedback: Rewiring the Brain

Neurofeedback is introduced as a cutting-edge trauma treatment that directly addresses dysregulated brain waves. By providing real-time feedback on brain activity, individuals can learn to rewire their brains, promoting more coherent patterns of electrical communication.

This can stabilize the brain’s alarm system, improve focus and attention, and reduce chronic hyperarousal. Neurofeedback offers a promising avenue for traumatized children and adults to overcome issues like concentration problems, emotional instability, and dissociation, by literally changing the brain’s functioning.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

IFS offers a compassionate framework for understanding the “parts” of oneself that develop in response to traumatic experiences. This model posits that the mind is a complex system, like a family, with different parts (e.g., exiled, managerial, firefighting) that adopt extreme roles to protect the individual from pain.

IFS therapy aims to help trauma survivors access their undamaged “Self” (a core of compassion, curiosity, and calm) to heal wounded parts and integrate the fragmented self. This approach helps reduce internal conflict and enables individuals to regain self-leadership.

Psychomotor Therapy and Communal Rhythms

Psychomotor therapy and other body-based approaches, like somatic experiencing, help individuals reconnect with bodily sensations and complete thwarted self-protective actions. Through structured exercises and role-playing, participants can re-experience past traumatic events in a safe, contained environment, leading to a visceral sense of agency.

The book also emphasizes the healing of trauma through communal rhythms and shared experiences, such as theater, singing, and dancing. These collective activities foster muscular bonding, promote synchrony, and help restore a sense of belonging and safety among trauma survivors, combating the isolation that often accompanies profound hurt.

8. Societal Implications and the Path Forward

The Body Keeps the Score concludes by calling for a shift towards a trauma-conscious society. Bessel van der Kolk argues that trauma is “arguably the greatest threat to our national well-being,” with costs exceeding those of cancer or heart disease.

He criticizes the current health care system for often focusing on symptom management with drugs rather than addressing underlying causes and fostering self-regulation and genuine connection.

The book advocates for widespread prevention efforts, particularly for traumatized children, through early interventions, quality childcare, and trauma-informed schools. It stresses that understanding of trauma must move beyond individual pathology to acknowledge the “undeniable social causation” of many problems.

Ultimately, trauma recovery is about restoring the capacity for playfulness, curiosity, and meaningful relationships, recognizing that humans are fundamentally social creatures wired for cooperation and connection. True healing means rebuilding lives where individuals can feel safe, belong, and actively shape their own futures.

Posted on

Somatic Therapy: 5 Ways Body-Based Healing Transforms Trauma Recovery

What if your body is the key to healing your mind? According to somatic therapy and those who have benefited, it is. 

Somatic means “of, relating to, or affecting the body especially as distinguished from the mind.” Essentially, ‘body therapy.’ It uses physical sensations and awareness to release trapped trauma and negative emotions, bringing a type of healing talk therapy can’t always reach.

You can picture trauma like something that gets stuck inside you, almost like a popcorn kernel in your teeth. You can usually feel it there but it’s hard to find, and hard to release when you don’t know where to reach. Somatic therapy brings awareness to trapped energy and allows its release through movement, which can bring long-awaited healing.

what is somatic therapy infographic

Somatic Therapy Explained

Somatic therapy, an evidence-based type of trauma therapy, centers on mindfulness, which means being aware of your internal state and surroundings. It was developed by psychologist and healthcare researcher Peter Levine. It’s often used to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and trauma, since the body can store trauma.1 

Healing trauma can become more of a struggle when the effects of a traumatic event feel psychologically and biologically engrained. That’s why somatic therapy focuses on your mind-body connection, interoception, and self-awareness.

A build up of trauma and other negative emotional experiences can skew your self-regulation ability, making emotions and other internal sensations feel intense and hard to bear. Moving your body serves as an activation of this pent-up energy, allowing its release.

Here’s how somatic therapy offers a unique path to trauma recovery that goes beyond what traditional talk therapy can achieve alone:

1. It Addresses Effects of Trauma

Trauma is ‘stored’ in the body because it can change how the brain and parts of the body function, even down to a cellular and genetic level,2 which can lead to disease and poor health. Bessel van der Kolk studied and published a book on this phenomena and novel ways of treating trauma, called The Body Keeps the Score. 

Traumatic experiences can place someone in perpetual fight-or-flight mode,3 which can damage and strain other areas of the body, like adrenal functions and other autonomic nervous systems. Mainly, this can mean someone constantly has elevated levels of cortisol, which causes stress and puts strain on the body that should only be temporary.

how trauma shows up in the body graphic

2. It Provides Solution-Based Support

Somatic experiencing is an intervention that aims to bring attention to the areas of the body that respond when someone remembers their trauma, or experiences a similar event. By doing this somatic therapists ‘release’ the emotions and sensations stored in the body that prevent true healing. A sign of success includes feeling safer in their body and more comfortable with various bodily sensations.

Somatic psychotherapy also uses aspects of psychotherapy to improve your overall mental health, sometimes called sensorimotor psychotherapy. For example, your session may start by verbally going through traumatic memories and then noticing their physical symptoms. Does your chest tighten? Do you start sweating? Does your stomach hurt?

Improving your body awareness can help you and your therapist discover what has an effect on you, and what movements can help.

3. It Explores Numerous Evidence-Based Techniques

Somatic therapists will use a variety of mind-body techniques and modalities to release trapped negative emotions and trauma4. They blend aspects of neuroscience and body psychotherapy for a completely unique approach to healing. These somatic practices can vary based on individual needs, but options can include any of the following.

Bottom-Up

This approach means you start by becoming aware of physical sensations before moving into your mind and emotions. You’ll make nonjudgemental notice of what your body feels like and simply accept that before moving into your mind. There, you’ll see what may be attached to those feelings and sensations.

unique somatic therapy techniques for trauma

Breathwork

Breathwork, one of the simplest somatic approaches, focuses solely on your breathing. You’re guided to become aware of your breathing and follow breathing patterns to calm your mind and body. Your somatic therapist may have you put a hand on your belly and chest to connect to each breath, reducing dissociation.

Breathwork can be used in-the-moment to calm a stress response like racing heartbeat, shallow breathing, and even panic attacks.

Body Scans

In a body scan your psychotherapist will guide you through noticing areas of the body that feel tense, uncomfortable, or relaxed. For example, maybe you’ll come into your session feeling fine but during the body scan notice you’re holding tension in your shoulders, or feeling tightness in your stomach. You may also tune into your proprioception, which is how you sense where you are and what movements you’re making.

Body scans can be the first step in the bottom-up approach, or done on their own.

Pendulation 

Pendulation means thinking of the traumatic event and feeling those negative emotions before swinging back to a place of calm and comfort, then swinging into the strong emotions again. 

You’ll first identify the mental space you’ll go to when you need calm, which could be the present moment or a past memory that makes you feel at ease and happy. Then you’ll focus on a painful memory, let yourself experience its emotions, and swing back to safety before it gets to be too much. This can gradually build your tolerance and show your mind and body that you can control your feelings of safety.

Titration

Using the titration technique means you work through a traumatic memory, either by verbally walking through it or simply remembering it in the quiet of your mind. As you do, you’ll make note of how your body reacts and what types of physical sensations you feel.

Dance

Dancing to music can release energy and emotions that may be pent up inside you. This could look like slow, repetitive movements that make you feel calm and grounded, or more vigorous dancing that gets your heart pumping and releases energy. For this type of dance your somatic therapist might cue up some pop or EDM music, or jazz and classical tunes for more calming moves. 

Yoga

Somatic yoga often begins with a body scan to identify areas of tension and discomfort, both so somatic therapists know which areas to target and to avoid adding extra discomfort. 

Somatic yoga involves slow, grounded movements to connect your mind and body and release energy and tension. It can be a highly emotional, freeing experience, as can other somatic techniques. 

Resourcing

This technique is similar to pendulation, but serves more as a way to identify a calming, peaceful memory and bodily sensation that you can return to when you feel anxious, distressed, and overwhelmed. It’s like making note of it and storing it for later. 

You may use a memory of being in nature, like spending a quiet afternoon at the lake, and remember how it felt in both your mind and body. Maybe you felt completely relaxed, grounded in the sensations of the sun, wind, and sounds of the water. You’ll practice getting back into this headspace and noting how it calms and soothes your body. Then, as needed, you can use your ‘resource’ to relax, calm down, or recuperate. 

4. It Combines Conventional Therapy Structure With Body-Based Techniques

A somatic therapy session will have some similarities to talk therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), but differ in the fact that it involves your body, too. Some type of movement or body scan will accompany each session.

You may start with talk therapy, like verbally processing a recent event or a traumatic memory, before moving into the physical portion. Your somatic therapist won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do; you’ll collaborate to find the most appealing and effective techniques.

Somatic therapy sessions can last anywhere from 1-2 hours, like a typical therapy session. The exact length may be predetermined by the therapist or even your insurance coverage. You’ll most likely meet in person, since your therapist will need to guide your movements and, in some cases and with consent, use touch. 

The room your sessions happen in may look a little different too, probably with extra space and even some tools like body rollers, hula hoops, stereos, and sensory objects like stones. Somatic therapy could even happen outside, using nature as a powerful grounding tool.

5. It Delivers Life-Changing Results

Somatic therapy can be hugely beneficial for those with trauma, PTSD, depression, chronic pain, and anxiety. For some it can be more comprehensive than talk therapy alone,5 since it takes an active, body-focused approach to healing you can feel.

Somatic therapy can reduce symptoms of PTSD and trauma,6 along with conditions like depression and anxiety. It also was found to improve general well-being and quality of life.

You may also find hobbies you enjoy through somatic therapy, like dance or yoga. Engaging in these hobbies broadens your community and can give you a continuous outlet for both positive and negative emotions.

Start Your Somatic Healing Journey

Somatic therapy could be the breakthrough you’ve been searching for. If traditional talk therapy hasn’t fully addressed your trauma, stress, or emotional challenges, a body-based approach might unlock the healing you deserve.

Take the next step: Find qualified somatic therapists in your area and discover how this powerful mind-body connection can transform your recovery.

FAQs

Q: What is somatic therapy?


 A: Somatic therapy is a body-centered approach to mental health that focuses on the connection between the mind and body. It helps people in recovery release trauma and stress stored in the body through physical awareness and movement.

Q: What is an example of a somatic treatment?


 A: Examples include breathwork, body scans, somatic yoga, pendulation, titration, and even dance therapy—each designed to help you feel and process emotions stored in the body.

Q: What is the difference between CBT and somatic therapy?


 A: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) focuses on changing thought patterns to influence behavior, while somatic therapy starts with bodily sensations to process emotions and trauma. Somatic therapy often involves physical techniques alongside talk therapy.

Q: Does somatics really work?


 A: Yes, research shows that somatic therapy can reduce symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and improve overall well-being. It’s especially effective for trauma stored in the body.

Q: What does somatic therapy treat?


 A: Somatic therapy is commonly used to treat trauma, PTSD, chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical pain linked to emotional distress.

Q: How does somatic psychotherapy work?


 A: Somatic psychotherapy works by helping you tune into your body’s sensations and responses, often through guided movement, mindfulness, and breathwork. This process helps release trapped trauma and restore emotional balance.

Q: What is Somatic Experiencing Therapy?


 A: Developed by Dr. Peter Levine, Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a form of therapy that guides patients to notice and release physical sensations connected to traumatic experiences in a safe and controlled way.

Q: What happens during a somatic therapy session?


A: A typical session may involve a mix of talk therapy and body-based techniques like breathing exercises, body scans, or movement. You and your therapist work together to explore physical sensations tied to emotional experiences.

Posted on

Johnny’s Journey: 12 Insights on Healing from Suicidality and Rock Bottom

Growing up, Johnny experienced persistent anxiety, but early attempts at therapy didn’t resonate. Depression took hold in high school, escalating in college to a point of paralyzing hopelessness. His days became a blur of missed classes, work, and a desperate reliance on drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. Blackouts became frequent as he sought oblivion from the torment of simply existing. “I was really just not enjoying um, just being alive like every day was, was painful,” Johnny recalled. Self-hatred consumed him, leading to dark thoughts and even a suicide note.

Behind a carefully constructed facade of intoxication, Johnny hid his struggles. Friends remained unaware of the internal battle raging within. “Because I would use all the substances to pretend like everything was okay,” he explained. His escapes involved alcohol, cocaine, and occasionally other substances, each night a fleeting attempt to find a “fun,” pain-free experience, only to be followed by the harsh realities of memory loss and regret. The transition from casual use to a desperate need for escape was subtle but significant. “And I don’t think there’s any like healthy way to do drugs, but I definitely like, I guess the mindset changed from…oh, let’s party kind of way to let me just like escape for a little bit. I need to do this,” Johnny realized.

The turning point came during a night of intense despair in his fraternity house. Confessing his suicidal thoughts to his parents over the phone prompted their immediate intervention. Their worry and subsequent arrival became the catalyst for change, overriding the bleak thought that his absence wouldn’t matter. “I had come to a point where I was thinking like  everybody in my life would be able to get over me killing myself, I guess. but I was just struggling with feeling like my mom couldn’t get over it. And then seeing her the next day kind of like cemented that, you know, I would not wanna leave her like broken like that.” His initial approach to seeking help was a last resort, a fragile hope in the darkness. “I gave recovery a shot. If I can fix my IBS and fix my depression and suicidality, then great. And if not, I can just take my life afterwards.”

Navigating the vastness of the internet in search of help for mental health and substance use felt like an insurmountable task for Johnny. The sheer volume of information was paralyzing, making it difficult to know where to begin. However, discovering Recovery.com provided a much-needed sense of clarity and direction. This platform offered a structured approach to finding treatment options, categorizing facilities and providing comprehensive information, reviews, and resources in one accessible place. This streamlined process transformed the overwhelming search into a manageable step towards finding help.

2. The Importance of Comprehensive and Individualized Care

Johnny’s struggles extended beyond substance abuse, encompassing depression, anxiety, and even gambling issues. Therefore, finding a treatment center that offered a holistic approach was crucial. Recovery.com facilitated this by allowing him to identify facilities that addressed a range of co-occurring disorders. This ensured that he wouldn’t feel like an outlier and that his specific needs would be met, paving the way for more effective and meaningful treatment.

3. The Calming Influence of Shared Experiences

The fear of the unknown surrounding treatment was significant for Johnny. However, a conversation with someone who had previously attended the facility he was considering helped to alleviate some of his anxieties. Hearing firsthand about their experiences provided a sense of reassurance and demystified the process. This highlights the profound impact that sharing personal stories can have in offering hope and guidance to those contemplating seeking help.

4. Johnny’s Gradual Integration into a Supportive Community

Entering treatment felt like stepping into an unfamiliar world for Johnny. Adjusting to the structured environment and connecting with strangers took time. The initial days were marked by a sense of disorientation. However, the gradual integration into the recovery community proved to be a pivotal aspect of his healing journey. The shared experiences and mutual support fostered a sense of belonging and understanding that countered the isolation he had previously felt.

5. The Unexpected Bonds of Resident-Led Support

While the formal treatment program was essential, the informal support networks within the facility also played a significant role for Johnny. The resident-run AA group created a strong sense of camaraderie and provided an additional layer of support and understanding. This highlights the power of peer-to-peer connections in fostering a sense of community and shared recovery.

6. Breaking Free from the Grip of Isolation

Both depression and substance use thrive in isolation, reinforcing negative self-perceptions. Connecting with others in recovery who had experienced similar struggles shattered the illusion of being alone in his pain. Witnessing their vulnerability and resilience offered a powerful message of hope and the possibility of recovery for Johnny.

7. The Profound Impact of Empathy and Shared Humanity

Sharing space with individuals from diverse backgrounds and with different struggles fostered a deep sense of empathy and connection for Johnny. Hearing their stories and witnessing their strength in the face of adversity broadened his perspective and reinforced the understanding that despite our differences, we share a common human experience marked by both pain and the capacity for healing.

8. Shifting from Escape to Healthy Engagement

Johnny’s substance use had been a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way to escape emotional pain. As he addressed the underlying issues in therapy and developed healthier coping strategies, his relationship with substances shifted. The intense craving for escape diminished, allowing for a more balanced and conscious approach to social situations involving alcohol.

9. Addressing Root Causes for Lasting Healing

Treatment provided the crucial opportunity for Johnny to delve into past traumas and experiences that had contributed to his mental health struggles. By processing these experiences with the guidance of a therapist, he began to understand the origins of his pain and develop healthier ways of coping. This focus on addressing the root causes, rather than just the symptoms, is essential for long-term healing and well-being.

10. Cultivating Purpose as a Foundation for Recovery

Finding a sense of purpose and meaning in life became an integral part of Johnny’s recovery. Identifying activities, relationships, and passions that brought joy and fulfillment provided a positive focus and a reason to move forward. This emphasis on creating a life worth living is a vital component of sustained recovery.

11. The Importance of Aftercare Planning

Recognizing that recovery is an ongoing process, the treatment program emphasized the significance of aftercare planning for Johnny. Developing a concrete plan for therapy, support groups, and healthy lifestyle choices provided a sense of direction and helped to mitigate the anxiety of returning to everyday life. This proactive approach increases the likelihood of sustained recovery and continued growth.

12. Embracing a Holistic Path to Well-being

Ultimately, Johnny’s journey to recovery involved a holistic approach that addressed the interconnectedness of his mental health, substance use, and overall well-being. By addressing past traumas, developing coping skills, building a supportive community, and cultivating a sense of purpose, he began to move from a place of despair towards hope and healing. This comprehensive approach underscores the complexity of recovery and the importance of addressing all aspects of an individual’s life.

Posted on

Katlyn’s 9 Steps Towards Healing from Trauma, Abuse, and an Eating Disorder

In a deeply candid and moving conversation, Katlyn, a survivor in recovery from narcissistic abuse, Complex PTSD, and anorexia, shared invaluable insights into her journey. Her words offer a beacon of hope and practical guidance for anyone grappling with the aftermath of trauma and the challenging path of recovery.

Katlyn’s experience highlights the tumultuous nature of healing, emphasizing that it’s not a linear ascent but rather a complex dance of progress and setbacks. Yet, through vulnerability and the development of crucial coping mechanisms, a more grounded and present life is possible.

1. Recognizing the Need and Finding Inner Strength

Before recovery, Katlyn described emotional instability and chaos, feeling disconnected from the present. The turning point came when she recognized her strength in escaping a harmful situation. “Once I got myself out of that situation, it was a wake up call for me that I had the strength and resilience to remove myself from the situation to even identify the abuse as it is.” This acknowledgment of inner resilience is the crucial first step towards healing.

2. Seeking Support and Building a Foundation

A cornerstone of Katlyn’s recovery was actively seeking support from trusted individuals and professionals. “To help set myself on a path to recovery, I reached out for help, first of all, to people that I trusted with my vulnerable state. Um, I then got myself into some therapy specifically for what I am going through in recovering from.” Therapy, support groups, and even nutritional guidance create a vital network for navigating the complexities of trauma recovery.

Explore treatment options for trauma and eating disorders.

3. Establishing Structure and Self-Care Rituals

Creating daily routines provided Katlyn with stability and fostered self-care. “Just kind of establishing daily rituals for myself, kind of a container and structure for my day…made me feel healthy, clean, loved, and taken care of by myself.” Consistent rituals, even small ones, offer comfort and reinforce self-compassion.

4. Processing Emotions Through Expression

Katlyn found significant benefit in expressing her emotions, whether through journaling or talking. “I think journaling was something else that I started doing daily…my main advice would be to get it out, vomit out the emotion, however you need to do that.” Externalizing feelings prevents them from becoming internalized and allows for greater self-awareness and emotional regulation.

5. Rebuilding the Self with Compassion and Connection

Recovery involves redefining one’s relationship with oneself, moving away from being defined by trauma. “Seeing me for the first time with all of the things that I’ve experienced as a beautiful, strong person versus feeling like those things are me, are defining me.” Connecting with others who have similar experiences breaks isolation and reinforces that healing is possible. Group and family therapy can provide a safe place to foster meaningful connections. Cultivating self-compassion is also key.

6. Allowing Time and Embracing the Nonlinear Journey

Katlyn emphasized the importance of patience in the healing process. “That’s something else that I learned that helped me stay in recovery is that I need time. Time changes things. It gives us new perspectives.” Trauma processing is not linear; it involves ups and downs. Accepting this reality and allowing time for healing is crucial.

7. Cultivating Present Moment Awareness and Reclaiming Joy

Finding grounding in the present and rediscovering joy are vital aspects of recovery. “Having started my recovery journey, my life now is definitely a lot more present…my life is filled with…just a lot of good freaking food.” Engaging with the present and allowing oneself to experience pleasure, even in small ways, counteracts the negative impacts of trauma.

8. Setting Boundaries and Communicating Needs

Learning to identify fear, set boundaries, and communicate needs empowers survivors. “I have had to retrain myself to defend myself and recognize when I’m having, um, an intuition of fear…I have the tools and, um, capacity to communicate that versus being stuck.” Developing these skills is essential for self-protection and building healthy relationships.

9. Embracing Change and Recognizing Inner Strength

Katlyn offered a powerful message of hope and resilience. “The advice that I would give someone who is a survivor of anything traumatic is that things will change and that you deserve to see out the change…remind yourself how strong you are, how worthy you are.” Recognizing one’s inherent strength and the impermanence of difficult times fuels the ongoing journey of recovery. Even acknowledging the desire for change is a significant and brave first step.

Katlyn’s journey underscores that healing from trauma is a multifaceted process that requires courage, support, and self-compassion. By embracing these essential steps, individuals can begin to find their footing and move towards a more grounded and hopeful future.

Posted on

Finding Your Worth: Evelyn’s Inspiring Anxiety and OCD Recovery Journey

Evelyn’s recent heartfelt conversation on the Giving Voice to Mental Health Podcast, hosted by Recovery.com, offers a beacon of hope and practical wisdom for anyone navigating the complexities of mental health recovery.

Her personal journey underscores a fundamental truth: recovery is not a passive event but an active, ongoing choice deeply intertwined with recognizing one’s inherent worthiness. In her own words, “Recovery is a choice every day that you have to choose to do… and it truly is something everyone deserves.”

Recovery Beyond Diagnosis: Healing the Belief of Unworthiness

Evelyn’s perspective on recovery moves beyond simply addressing diagnostic labels like OCD and anxiety. Instead, she emphasizes the crucial work of healing the often underlying and deeply ingrained belief of unworthiness. “I’m just recovering from not feeling worthy… recovering from the belief that I did not deserve to be happy,” she shared.

This reframing highlights the importance of tackling the core emotional wounds that can fuel mental health challenges. True recovery, in this light, involves recognizing and embracing your fundamental right to happiness and well-being, irrespective of any mental health diagnosis you may have received.

Explore treatment options for anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder.

The Crucial First Step: Recognizing the Need and Seeking Help

Evelyn powerfully stresses that seeking help for mental health challenges should never be viewed as a last resort, reserved only for times of absolute crisis. “I don’t want you to think that you have to be a certain amount of sick in order to get treatment because I don’t think that’s true.”

Early intervention is paramount and can significantly improve the trajectory of recovery. Exploring available resources, such as those found on Recovery.com, is a vital first step. Reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness but rather a courageous act of self-awareness and a powerful commitment to your well-being.

Finding Effective Treatment Pathways

For Evelyn, Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy proved to be a cornerstone of her recovery from OCD. “ERP… is a lot of work… but it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.” ERP is a well-established and evidence-based treatment for OCD that involves gradually confronting feared thoughts and situations1 while actively preventing the usual compulsive responses.

What works for one individual may not resonate with another, making the search for the right support and treatment essential. An individual approach can encompass various forms of therapy, medication, peer support groups, lifestyle adjustments, or an integrated approach. Exploring different options and feeling empowered to advocate for your specific requirements are crucial steps in discovering what truly facilitates your healing and growth.

Cultivating Empathy Through Personal Struggles

While acknowledging the significant difficulties posed by OCD and anxiety, Evelyn also discovered an unexpected and profound outcome: a heightened capacity for empathy. “I do think that they provided me with such wonderful insight on the amount of struggle… I think it gifted me with empathy and gifted me with compassion.”

This insight underscores the potential for personal growth and a deeper connection with the shared human experience, even amidst challenging circumstances. It reminds us that navigating adversity can cultivate a greater understanding and compassion for others facing their own battles.

Breaking Down Barriers: Challenging the Stigma of Mental Health Support

Evelyn’s narrative serves as a powerful challenge to the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health support. “Why do you have to do it alone? Asking for help is not a bad thing… you deserve to feel better.” Seeking assistance when you are struggling is not a sign of failure but rather an act of profound self-care and self-respect. There is no shame in needing support, and connecting with mental health professionals, support groups, and loved ones can create a stronger, more resilient path toward recovery.

Remember, you are inherently worthy of feeling well, and accessing available resources is a testament to that worth.

Posted on

How Do I Stop Being Codependent? 5 Expert-Backed Steps to Transform Your Relationships

How to stop being codependent.

Do you find yourself constantly putting others’ needs before your own? Are you the person everyone relies on, even when it drains your energy and emotional resources? You might be experiencing codependency—a pattern where your own sense of purpose and self-worth become tangled up in another person’s life and problems

Codependent relationships create strong emotional patterns. “Helping” people can become almost addictive, even though it leaves you feeling empty and exhausted in the long run. Breaking free from these patterns takes time. But with consistent effort, you can build a healthier relationship with yourself and others. 

Here are 5 key steps you can start taking now:

1. Recognize Your Codependent Patterns

The first step toward change is becoming aware of your codependent behaviors.1 Start paying attention to situations where you feel responsible for others’ emotions or problems. Notice when you automatically put someone else’s needs before your own or when you feel anxious about setting boundaries.

Try keeping a journal to track moments when you feel resentful, exhausted, or unappreciated. Look for the situations or relationships that typically trigger these feelings. You can ask yourself questions like: “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I’m afraid of the consequences if I don’t?” You can even use journal prompts for codependency to help.

Pro tip: Keep in mind that awareness doesn’t mean judgment. These patterns developed for a reason—often as ways to cope with difficult situations. Observing them with curiosity rather than criticism will help you make lasting changes.

Illustration featuring a quote that reads, “You shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” The image shows a distressed man surrounded by flames and a relaxed woman lounging under an umbrella, symbolizing the emotional toll of codependency and the importance of self-care.

What Is Codependency?

Codependency is not officially recognized as a mental illness, but it is taken seriously by mental health professionals, who define it as “an unhealthy devotion to a relationship2 at the cost of one’s personal and psychological needs.” It describes a relational pattern where you become so focused on the problems and needs of others that you neglect your own well-being. It’s more than just caring deeply—it’s when your emotional state, identity, and sense of purpose become excessively wrapped up in someone else’s life.

  • Codependency in Romantic Relationships: In romantic relationships, codependency can look like constantly sacrificing your own preferences, walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, or feeling responsible for your partner’s happiness. You might stay in unhealthy situations because you believe your love can “fix” the other person.
  • Codependency in Family Systems: Within families, codependency often appears as enmeshment—where boundaries between family members become blurred. You might feel obligated to solve everyone’s problems, shield relatives from consequences, or struggle to make decisions without family approval. This is often the case when one family member is struggling with substance abuse.3 
  • Codependency in Friendships: In friendships, codependent behaviors include being the perpetual advice-giver or emotional support while rarely asking for help yourself. You might maintain one-sided friendships because you feel needed, even when these relationships drain you.

How can you discover the signs of being codependent?

Codependency is often rooted in an attachment wound where the nervous system learned early on that safety comes from attuning to others, sometimes at the expense of self. It can look like feeling responsible for managing other people’s emotions while ignoring your own. Another sign is the feeling of unease or even panic when someone is upset with you, leading to people-pleasing or over-functioning in relationships. This can present as feeling tightness in your chest, a constant state of hypervigilance, or struggling to feel grounded in your own body.

Amanda Stretcher, MA, LPC-S | Crescent Counseling

2. Work on Building Self-Esteem

Codependency and low self-esteem usually go hand in hand. When you don’t value yourself, you might look for validation through helping others or staying in unhealthy relationships.

You feel good about yourself mainly when you’re helping others or when people need you. Instead of feeling relieved when a loved one says they don’t need your help, you feel hurt or like you don’t matter anymore.

Start building your self-worth by practicing self-compassion.4 Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend—with kindness and understanding. Make a list of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with what you do for others.

Small acts of self-care also build self-esteem. When you treat yourself with respect—by keeping promises to yourself, taking time for activities you enjoy, or meeting your physical needs—you send yourself the message that you matter.

Pro tip: Daily affirmations can help you shift away from negative self-talk and toward a more positive sense of self. Simple statements like “I’m worthy of love and respect” or “My needs matter” can start to shift your perspective when you say them regularly.

Infographic titled “Common Codependency Behaviors,” showing eight heart-shaped rope loops with icons and labels: people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, excessive care-taking, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, fixing instead of supporting, and ignoring your own needs. Visual metaphor emphasizes emotional entanglement in codependent relationships.

Why is boundary setting important in healing from codependency?

When it comes to codependency, one tends to slip away from autonomy, creating enmeshment with the enabler. Setting healthy boundaries, such as adopting and maintaining one’s own intellectual boundaries in a new relationship, is crucial for healing codependency. While maintaining codependency, and therefore not setting boundaries, one loses one’s own identity and essentially forgets how to behave independently due to the behavioral and emotional habits developed through the codependent relationship. Setting boundaries will contribute to an increased sense of self, more confidence, and may even decrease anxiety or depressive symptoms, which can significantly enhance the relationship as a whole.

Jennifer Chicoine, MA, LCPC, CCTP | Peaceful Healing Counseling Services

3. Set and Enforce Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries allow you to create rules or set limits that define where your responsibilities end and another person’s begin. They protect your emotional well-being while allowing you to support others in healthy ways.

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable at first, especially when you’re not used to it. As you do so, keep in mind that boundaries are for you,5 says boundary expert Nedra Glover Tawwab, LCSW:

Changing your behavior and not forcing others to change can be a significant part of setting boundaries…It would be nice if everyone automatically knew how to respect our boundaries. We often have to communicate them clearly and enforce consequences when they are not respected. So, when someone crosses one of my boundaries, I will take action to protect myself and my needs.

Be clear and direct when communicating boundaries. Use “I” statements that focus on your needs rather than accusing the other person. For example, “I need some alone time to recharge” works better than “You’re demanding too much of my time.”

Prepare yourself for pushback. Some people in your life may resist your new boundaries because they benefit from your codependent behaviors. Remember that their reaction isn’t your responsibility, and temporary discomfort is part of creating lasting change.

Consistency is key. When you set a boundary, follow through with it. Each time you maintain a healthy boundary, even when it’s difficult, you’re building new patterns that will eventually replace codependent ones.

4. Learn to Prioritize Your Needs

For many people with codependent tendencies, identifying their own needs can feel foreign. Get in the habit of asking yourself: “What do I want right now?” or “What would feel good to me in this situation?”

Practice making decisions based on your preferences. Start with small choices like what to eat for lunch or what movie to watch, then work up to bigger decisions.

Prepare phrases for when you need to put yourself first. Simple statements like “I need to take care of myself right now” or “I’ll need to check my schedule before committing” give you space to consider your own needs.

Pro tip: Remember that prioritizing your needs isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your well-being and actually leads to healthier relationships. When you’re not depleted from ignoring your own needs, you have more genuine energy to share with others.

Codependency vs. Interdependence

Unlike healthy independence—where 2 people mutually rely on each other while maintaining individual identities—codependency creates an imbalance. Healthy relationships involve give-and-take, with both people supporting each other while respecting boundaries. Both parties feel free to express needs, disagree respectfully, and maintain outside interests and relationships.

The key distinction here is that interdependence strengthens both individuals, while codependency tends to diminish at least one person’s wellness and autonomy over time.

Does your partner or loved one exhibit signs of being codependent?

“Loving someone who is codependent can feel like an emotional roller coaster, but it’s important to remember—you can’t fix them. Their actions often come from a place of love, but they struggle to put themselves first. The best thing you can do is communicate your needs clearly, set firm yet compassionate boundaries, and encourage them to cultivate their own interests. By modeling self-care, independence, and balance, you show them what a healthy, fulfilling relationship looks like.”

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP, CIMPH | Astute Counseling & Wellness Services

Signs of Codependency

Spotting codependent patterns6 in your life is the first big step toward making real change. Everyone’s experience with codependency looks a bit different, but here are some common signs you might recognize in yourself:

  • Excessive caretaking: You almost always put other people’s needs ahead of your own, even when it hurts you. For example, you might stay up all night helping a friend with their project even though you have an important meeting tomorrow, cook fancy meals for your family while you just eat whatever’s left over, or say “yes” to additional tasks when you already feel overburdened.
  • Difficulty setting boundaries: You find it really hard to say “no” when people ask you for favors or your time. You may cancel plans you were looking forward to because a coworker asked for help at the last minute, or you let family members call you during your workday for things that aren’t emergencies.
  • People-pleasing tendencies: You make decisions based on what will make others happy, not what’s best for you. You might agree with someone’s opinion even when you actually think differently, just to avoid any conflict. Or you might take on extra tasks because you’re scared of letting someone down.
  • Fear of abandonment: A codependent person will often work extra hard to keep relationships going because they’re scared people will leave them. This could mean putting up with someone treating you badly or staying in relationships that don’t make you happy because the idea of being alone feels too scary to face.
  • Controlling behaviors: In an attempt to be helpful, you try to control situations or people out of anxiety. This can look like constantly offering unsolicited advice or getting frustrated when someone doesn’t follow your suggestions about how to handle their problems.
  • Difficulty identifying your own feelings: You’re tuned into others’ emotions but disconnected from your own. You might be able to sense when your partner is upset before they even realize it but struggle to answer when someone asks how you’re feeling.
  • Unhealthy attachment to drama or crisis: You feel most purposeful when solving problems and might even unconsciously create or seek out chaotic situations where you can play the rescuer. When times are crisis-free, you may feel anxious, uncertain, or uncomfortable.
Infographic titled “Examples of Boundaries: Small to Big Ways to End Codependency,” illustrating five progressive steps: don’t offer unsolicited help, say no to favors, speak up about your needs, disagree without fear, and walk away from toxic dynamics. A person walks upward across rising blocks symbolizing personal growth.

5. Seek Support and Professional Help

Overcoming codependency is challenging work, and you don’t have to do it alone. Professional support can make a huge difference in your healing journey.

Therapy, especially with someone who specializes in codependency, family systems, or trauma, can help you understand the roots of your codependent patterns and develop strategies to change them. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) are particularly effective approaches for addressing codependency.

Support groups like Codependents Anonymous (CoDA)6 offer connection with others facing similar challenges. Spending time around others who share your experiences can reduce shame and provide insights for your recovery.

Self-help books about codependency, boundaries, and self-esteem can supplement other forms of support. Look for resources by recognized mental health professionals that offer practical exercises alongside information.

Pro tip: Codependent No More2 and its accompanying workbook by codependency expert Melody Beattie are classics on the topic, and a great place to start. There are also treatment resources available.

Life Beyond Codependency: Your Journey to Emotional Freedom

Breaking free from codependent patterns opens the door to relationships where you can truly be yourself. Working with a professional can accelerate your progress, giving you tools that fit your specific situation and background. Whether you choose one-on-one therapy or a structured program, having expert support gives you the guidance and follow-through that helps make real, lasting change possible.

FAQs

Q: Is it possible to stop being codependent?

A: Yes, codependency is a learned behavior that can be unlearned with self-awareness, therapy, and personal growth. According to Mental Health America, addressing underlying self-esteem issues, setting boundaries, and seeking support are key steps toward breaking free from codependency.

Q: How do you break the codependency cycle?

A: Breaking the cycle of codependency involves recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns, developing self-worth, and learning to set and maintain boundaries. Codependents Anonymous recommends a 12-step recovery process, while therapy and support groups can also be helpful in fostering independence and healthier relationships.

Q: What triggers codependency?

A: Codependency often stems from childhood experiences, such as growing up in an environment where emotional needs were not met or where a caregiver had addiction or mental health struggles. Other triggers include fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and seeking validation through others.

Q: How do you heal codependent tendencies?

A: Healing from codependency involves building self-esteem, practicing self-care, and learning healthy communication. The National Center for Biotechnology Information suggests cognitive behavioral interventions can help individuals develop healthier thought patterns and coping strategies.

Q: How do you prevent a codependent relationship?

A: Preventing codependency starts with self-awareness and setting clear boundaries. Maintaining individual interests, fostering self-worth, and communicating openly with partners or loved ones can help establish interdependent, rather than codependent, relationships.

Q: How does a codependent person feel?

A: A codependent person may feel anxious, responsible for others’ happiness, or emotionally drained. They often struggle with low self-esteem and fear abandonment, leading them to prioritize others’ needs over their own.

Q: Does your partner or loved one exhibit any signs of being codependent?

A: Signs of codependency in a loved one may include excessive caretaking, difficulty setting boundaries, fear of being alone, and reliance on others for self-worth. Mental Health America highlights that codependency can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics.

Q: Why did I develop codependent tendencies?

A: Codependent tendencies often develop from early childhood experiences, such as growing up in a family where emotional neglect, addiction, or controlling behaviors were present. Research indicates that past trauma and adverse childhood experiences significantly contribute to codependency.

Q: How do you overcome codependency?

A: Overcoming codependency requires self-awareness, boundary-setting, and shifting focus to personal well-being. Therapy, support groups, and mindfulness practices have been found to be effective in fostering emotional independence.

Q: What are narcissistic traits?

A: Narcissistic traits include a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, manipulation, and a need for excessive admiration. Codependents often find themselves in relationships with narcissistic individuals due to their caretaking tendencies.

Q: What steps can I take to stop being codependent?

A: Steps to stop being codependent include recognizing unhealthy patterns, building self-esteem, practicing self-care, and seeking therapy or support groups. Developing hobbies and interests outside of relationships can also help foster independence.

Q: What are effective strategies to stop being codependent?

A: Effective strategies include therapy (such as cognitive-behavioral therapy), practicing mindfulness, learning assertiveness skills, and setting firm boundaries. Research suggests that increasing self-awareness and engaging in self-affirmation exercises can aid in breaking codependent habits.

Posted on

How We Speak Matters: Undoing Stigmatizing Language: Andrew Schreier

Andrew J. Schreier is a licensed professional counselor with over twenty years of experience in substance use, mental health, gambling, and clinical supervision with extensive experience in clinical supervision, counseling, and education. He serves as the Director of Clinical Services for Community Medical Services in Wisconsin and Minnesota, overseeing treatment programs for opioid use disorder. A national speaker and host of the Talking Addiction & Recovery podcast, Andrew explores topics such as substance use, mental health, and gambling to foster meaningful change for individuals seeking care and growth and development for professionals.

The passion for this topic stems from witnessing the profound impact that stigma can have on individuals seeking help. I’ve seen how a single word—uttered carelessly or in written communication—can either empower someone or push them further into isolation. This has driven me to advocate for compassionate, person-first language in every aspect of treatment and recovery for several issues impacting millions of people.

Language is the foundation of human connection. Words can shape people and culture. It’s how we communicate thoughts, share feelings, and build relationships. But when it comes to substance use, mental health, gambling, criminal justice, and recovery, the words we use can do more than just describe; they can harm, stigmatize, or exclude.

What Is Stigma?

Stigma is a negative association with circumstance or trait that can result in discrimination against a person for a certain characteristic(s).  Stigma can also be described as internal feelings of shame or judgment from others.  Language includes words or phrases with negative labels that assign judgment.  

Stigma around addiction may come from old and inaccurate ideas or fear of things that are different or misunderstood. Today, we know that addiction is a chronic, treatable medical condition. We also know that people can recover and continue to lead healthy lives.

The Power of Language

Words matter. Language is not just a tool for communication; it shapes perceptions, influences policies, and defines how individuals are treated. Yet, in relation to substance use, mental health, gambling, and criminal justice spaces, stigmatizing language remains a persistent issue.  Examples of stigmatizing language include: 

  • Terms like “addict,” “junkie,” or “relapse” reduce people to their conditions and perpetuate shame.   
  • Many generations have grown up in a society where language such as “crazy,” “psycho,” “loony,” “nutty,” and “mentally ill” were acceptable words to describe an individual with mental health.  
  • “Pathological,” “compulsive,” “irresponsible gambler,” and “gambling addict” generally attract substantial negative stereotypes, social distancing, emotional reactions, status loss, and discrimination.
  • Designed to desensitize, terms such as “felon,” “convict,” “offender,” and “criminal” replace names and other descriptions, such as “woman,” “daughter,” “father,” “child,” or “person.” These labels compound punishment and ultimately harm by reducing people to their worst moments, fueling stigma and haunting people for years after sentences are served.

The consequences of this language are far-reaching. Stigmatizing terms discourage individuals from seeking help, fearing judgment or discrimination. Feeling stigmatized can reduce the willingness of individuals with substance use disorders to seek treatment.  Stigmatizing views of people with substance use disorders are common; this stereotyping can lead others to feel pity, fear, anger, and a desire for social distance from people with a substance use disorder.  In clinical settings, they can perpetuate bias in documentation and decision-making.  Stigmatizing language can negatively influence healthcare provider perceptions of people with substance use disorders, which can impact the care they provide.  At the community level, such language reinforces negative stereotypes, reducing public support for funding and policy changes that could expand access to treatment.

By addressing this issue, we can create a more inclusive and supportive environment for those struggling with addiction and other behavioral health challenges. Shifting to person-first language—such as “person with a substance use disorder” or “person with a gambling disorder” instead of  “substance abuser” or “gambling addict”—respects the individual’s humanity and acknowledges their capacity for recovery.

Introducing Person-Centered Language 

Person-centered language is a language that puts people first. People are so much more than their substance use disorder, mental illness, or disability. Using person-centered language is about respecting the dignity, worth, unique qualities, and strengths of every individual. 

The solution to this issue begins with awareness and education. Through my work, I’ve identified several actionable strategies that can help professionals, organizations, and communities move toward more supportive language:

  1. Adopt Person-First Language: Referring to individuals as “persons with a substance use disorder” or “persons experiencing gambling-related harm” emphasizes their humanity and potential for recovery. This small change can make a big difference in how people feel about seeking help.
  2. Eliminate Stigmatizing Terms: Words like “relapse” can be replaced with “return to use,” and “addict” with “individual in recovery.” Such shifts reduce shame and promote a more constructive dialogue.
  3. Train Professionals: Regular training for clinicians, social workers, and other providers can help them understand the impact of their words and adopt best practices for communication.
  4. Revise Documentation Practices: Clinical records should reflect person-centered care by avoiding labels and focusing on specific behaviors, needs, and strengths.
  5. Raise Public Awareness: Community education campaigns can dispel myths, challenge stereotypes, and encourage supportive attitudes toward those in recovery.

Letting Go of Stigmatizing Terms

Throughout my career, I have witnessed firsthand how stigmatizing language impacts individuals in treatment. Early in my work, I noticed how terms like “noncompliant” or “frequent flyer” in clinical documentation shaped the attitudes of treatment teams. Patients were often unfairly labeled before they even walked through the door. Recognizing this, I began advocating for changes within my teams, encouraging the use of language that focused on behaviors and needs rather than labels.

Initially, the thought of simply removing stigmatizing words and replacing them with person-centered language appeared easy.  However, after beginning to take on that task it became more apparent at how prevalent stigmatizing language is through policies, procedures, textbooks, sources, narratives, educational materials, and awareness campaigns to name a few.  In asking people to eliminate stigmatizing language meant asking them to let go of words they have come to use on a regular basis.  

Some people used those words to describe themselves in their own recovery with lived experience. Professionals have used stigmatizing terms in how they talked not only to but about people they served. Helping professionals let go of stigmatizing language involves acknowledging past habits, understanding their impact, and actively working through a process that includes reflection, education, and practice. Here are some tips to facilitate this journey, including the idea that it might resemble a grief process:

  1. Acknowledge Past Usage Without Judgment
    1. Normalize Mistakes: Remind professionals that everyone has used stigmatizing language at some point due to societal norms, training, or common phrases.
    2. Create Safe Spaces: Foster environments where professionals can openly discuss their language habits without fear of judgment. Encourage the perspective that improvement begins with self-awareness.
  1. Understand the Emotional Attachment to Language
    1. Recognize Resistance: Letting go of familiar terms can feel uncomfortable. Professionals may associate certain languages with their identity, training, or professional experience.
    2. Embrace the Grief Process: Encourage professionals to view this shift as a form of grief. They might feel denial, anger, or sadness before accepting and embracing change. Support them by discussing these emotions openly.
  1. Educate on the Impact of Language
    1. Highlight Harmful Effects: Show how stigmatizing language perpetuates stereotypes and discourages individuals from seeking help. For example, terms like “addict” increase perceptions of personal blame, leading to worse treatment outcomes.
    2. Use Data and Stories: Share research and real-life examples demonstrating how person-first language fosters dignity and better outcomes for individuals.
  1. Provide Practical Strategies for Change
    1. Use Person-First Language: Train professionals to replace terms like “addict” with “person with a substance use disorder.” This approach focuses on the individual rather than the condition.
    2. Pause and Reflect: Encourage them to pause and consider the potential impact of their words before speaking.
    3. Use Tools and Resources: Offer quick-reference guides or charts that suggest alternatives to stigmatizing terms.
  1. Normalize Continuous Learning
    1. Reframe Learning as Growth: Remind professionals that language evolves. A commitment to lifelong learning aligns with professional ethics and improves patient care.
    2. Practice Role-Playing: Use training sessions to practice reframing conversations and identifying stigmatizing phrases.
  1. Promote Organizational Support
    1. Leadership Modeling: Encourage leaders to adopt and model inclusive language to set an example for their teams.
    2. Policy Updates: Advocate for policies and documentation practices that reflect non-stigmatizing language.
  1. Celebrate Small Wins
    1. Acknowledge progress, even if it’s incremental. Shifting language habits takes time and effort, but every step forward is meaningful and recognizing any positive change provides dignity, compassion, and respect for the people we serve.  

By normalizing the discomfort that comes with change and framing it as part of a growth process, professionals can move toward language that uplifts and empowers those they serve.  

Language as a Tool to Change

Undoing stigmatizing language is about more than changing words; it’s about transforming the culture of substance use, mental health, gambling, criminal justice, and other spaces related to people we serve. By speaking with care and intention, we can create environments where individuals feel valued, supported, and empowered to seek help.

In talking to and about individuals, the best practice and way to eliminate harm is by letting people choose how they want to be described. If you are not sure what words to use, just ask.  Avoid using language that defines someone by their condition. Use updated, accurate terminology instead of outdated terms. Avoid language that makes judgment. Describe without downplaying or becoming overly graphic. Use person-centered language that avoids seeing them as their diagnosis and instead focuses on the whole person.  

Looking ahead, I envision a future where person-first language becomes the standard in all areas of behavioral health. This includes expanding training programs, integrating these principles into policy and advocacy work, and using a multitude of platforms.  

Language has the power to heal or harm. Let’s choose to use it as a tool for connection, compassion, and change.