Tag: Trauma

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What Is Trauma? 10 Expert Answers On The Internet’s Most Searched Trauma Questions

Trauma is more than war stories, it is the everyday ways overwhelming experiences change how safe we feel in our bodies and our lives. In this episode of Recoverable, licensed family therapist and EMDR specialist Laurel van der Toorn sits down with host Terry to tackle the internet’s most searched questions about trauma. This article covers the first five of the top ten, pulled straight from the conversation. We will publish the final five next week when part two of the interview drops.

1) What is trauma?

Trauma is what happened in you, not just what happened to you

Once upon a time we called it “shell shock,” and we thought it belonged mostly to combat veterans. Laurel explains how the field has widened since Vietnam, recognizing that trauma can follow both acute events and experiences that were not technically life threatening, yet deeply threatened your sense of safety, identity, or worldview.

Her working definition is simple and humane, “Trauma is anything that has a pronounced negative impact on your view of yourself or the world and produces symptoms that make life more difficult.” Two people can sit at the same table, hear the same words, and walk away with very different nervous system responses. Perception of threat, and how the brain stores the event, is what drives the aftermath.

A story from the episode makes it clear. An older brother repeatedly terrorized his younger siblings with a horror mask. One little boy, exhausted from constant fear, finally sat on the couch and said, “Do it, just kill me.” The intent was “just a joke,” the child’s reality was mortal terror. The takeaway, your body’s lived experience is the truth that matters for healing.

2) How do I know if I have trauma?

Use the 30 day check and the window of tolerance

After something upsetting, a bumpy few weeks can be normal. Laurel offers a practical guide, in the first 30 days you might see disrupted sleep, appetite changes, edginess, or numbness while your system processes. If those symptoms continue past 30 days, or resurface later in a strong way, it points to a traumatic impact.

Laurel teaches the “window of tolerance,” the zone where you can think, feel, and act at the same time. Inside the window, you are calm but alert. Above it, you feel anxious, keyed up, hypervigilant. Below it, you feel numb, foggy, checked out. Trauma shrinks that window, so everyday bumps knock you out of it faster and longer.

Real life clues help, watch your sleep, appetite, mood swings, and relationship patterns. Do you react to small stressors like a five alarm fire, or go blank when you need to speak? Do you distrust people who are consistently trustworthy? These are signs your body might be protecting you based on past danger, not present reality. Curiosity is step one, not judgment. As Laurel says, “All behavior makes sense in context.”

3) Can childhood trauma affect you as an adult?

Absolutely, and it often shows up first in love and feedback

“Fish do not notice the water,” Laurel says. If you grew up in chaos, chaos feels normal. Childhood experiences shape attachment styles, the patterns we bring to adult relationships. Secure attachment often comes from good enough, not perfect, caregiving. Anxious or avoidant patterns can follow misattunement, unpredictability, or unsafe dynamics. Disorganized attachment is more likely when trauma was severe.

You can hear childhood echoes in adult life. Feeling attacked by simple feedback. Bracing for the other shoe to drop in a healthy relationship. Checking out emotionally when closeness increases. You may even pick jobs that mirror early stress, emergency rooms and courtrooms are full of people who can function in a crisis because crisis once felt like home. Laurel’s goal is not to take away that superpower, it is to help you settle when the shift ends so home does not feel like a crisis too.

Comforting note for parents, “Perfect is the enemy of good.” You do not need 100 percent attunement to support secure attachment. Often, a consistent, good enough response the majority of the time is what matters most.

4) Can trauma be healed?

Yes, healing changes your relationship to the memory, not your identity

Laurel is clear, “Absolutely, I do it every day.” Healing is not forgetting, and it is not erasing the sharpness and empathy you gained by surviving hard things. Think of the trauma memory like a file your brain pinned to the desktop with an alarm. Good trauma therapy moves that file into long term storage where it belongs. You can still open it, but it no longer blares.

People often report a shift from an eight out of ten level of distress when recalling the event to near zero. They say, “It is blurrier now,” or “I feel far away from it,” while staying present and calm. That is healing. You keep the wisdom, you lose the constant survival mode.

Set realistic expectations. Single incident shocks and phobias sometimes shift quickly, especially when you are well resourced. Complex trauma, the layered kind, usually takes longer. Insurance might imagine twelve sessions, but lasting change for complicated histories often needs more time. You can still expect benefit along the way, especially when the approach is evidence based and the therapeutic relationship is strong.

5) What does it mean that trauma lives in the body?

When your mind knows you are safe but your body says danger, that split is the work

“Your body is doing its job, it is just doing too good a job,” Laurel says. Trauma memories are stored as if they were vital for daily survival. A sound, tone of voice, or smell can yank the body into fight, flight, or freeze even when the thinking brain knows, “I am on my couch.” That mismatch, logic versus physiology, is the hallmark of unprocessed trauma.

Laurel draws a useful line between discomfort and triggers. A trigger is not anything you dislike. A trigger is the cue that pulls you out of your window of tolerance. Clues include a racing heart, shallow breathing, a tight throat, a voice that goes high, sudden aches, or shutting down. Track core body functions, sleep, appetite, and movement. Notice patterns without shaming yourself. Those patterns are your map back to safety.

Before you scroll away, try Laurel’s quick body tool. Calm Place: picture a real or imagined safe spot, beach, grandma’s kitchen, even Hogwarts if that soothes you. Notice the light and sounds. Lightly butterfly tap, alternating shoulders once or twice per second. Stay with any small shift toward ease. If nothing shifts, stay curious. You can even tap on your thighs under a table in a meeting, quiet regulation you can use anywhere.

What therapies help with trauma, and how does EMDR work?

Resourcing first, then reprocessing with an evidence based roadmap

The conversation highlights EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, and why Laurel loves it. EMDR is an eight phase model. Early sessions focus on history and preparation, building coping tools so you can tolerate intensity safely. Reprocessing uses bilateral stimulation, eye movements, alternating taps, or tones, to help the brain store stuck memories differently. Over time, disturbance drops and the body stops acting like the event is happening now.

Other evidence based options include somatic therapies, trauma focused CBT, and parts work like internal family systems. The best therapy is the one that fits you, with a therapist you feel connected to. Research consistently shows the therapeutic relationship is a major driver of outcomes. One practical tip from Laurel, “Do not work with an EMDR therapist who skips preparation. Resourcing is what lets you process safely.”

6. What’s the Consequence of the Disconnect Between Mind and Body?

Laurel explains that trauma often creates a split between what we know and what we feel.
You might logically know you’re safe — sitting at home, talking on a laptop — yet your body insists you’re still in danger. “That’s extremely common with trauma,” Laurel says. “You rationally know you’re okay, but there’s this overwhelming sense from your body that you’re not.”

The consequences ripple through daily life: constant tension, poor sleep, relationship strain, and anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere. Many people end up “white-knuckling” through their days, functioning but never truly feeling safe. Healing means closing that gap — helping the body catch up to the mind.

7. How Can People-Pleasing Be a Trauma Response?

When Laurel says people-pleasing is common in complex trauma, she’s not talking about politeness — she’s talking about survival.
“As kids, we may have had to make sure Dad was okay, because if he wasn’t, none of us were,” she explains. “That behavior made sense in context.”

Over time, those same peacekeeping instincts can become exhausting. Adults who were once the emotional caretakers of their households might continue to sacrifice their own needs to keep the peace. It’s not weakness; it’s conditioning. And while the behavior may once have protected them, it now prevents genuine connection.

The good news? Awareness is the first step toward change. As Laurel reminds, “You get to keep the good parts of you — but you can relax and enjoy your life more.”

8. Why Do We Repeat Familiar Patterns — Even When They Hurt Us?

One of the most relatable moments in the conversation comes when Laurel describes how familiarity can feel like attraction. “Sometimes people meet someone and think, ‘They feel familiar.’ And that’s not always a good thing,” she says.

Often, our brains seek to “close the loop” from childhood — unconsciously choosing partners who resemble the people who once hurt or neglected us, hoping for a different outcome. Laurel calls this “the loop getting worse.”

The antidote? Seek corrective emotional experiences.
When a relationship feels unfamiliar — calm, kind, even a little boring — that might be what safety actually feels like. “If you’re not immediately drawn to it, that might be a good sign,” she laughs. “Safety can feel boring at first.”

9. Does Trauma Actually Change the Brain?

“Yes — with an asterisk,” Laurel says with a smile. “Trauma changes your brain, but it can be changed back.”

Trauma rewires the brain to stay alert to danger, even when none exists. But the same neuroplasticity that helped us survive also makes healing possible. Through therapy and intentional new behaviors, we can literally reprogram those pathways.

Laurel celebrates small victories: a client asserting a boundary, saying “that bothered me,” and realizing the world doesn’t collapse. “There’s no bigger celebration in my office,” she says. “The brain changes when we practice new behaviors and experience safety.”

Healing doesn’t erase the past — it integrates it. You keep the wisdom, but lose the fear.

How Does Understanding the Brain Reduce Shame?

Shame, Laurel says, is “a stumbling block to healing.” When people understand that their reactions are physiological — not moral failings — it replaces shame with compassion.

“I just try to shift it into curiosity,” she explains. “Let’s get curious: why did you do that?”
It’s not about blame, but understanding. “All behavior makes sense in context,” Laurel reminds. “You learned the only safe way to engage was this way. What if you tried it differently?”

That mindset — curiosity over condemnation — opens the door to change. “No one has ever been shamed into effective change,” she says. “Deep, lasting change comes from curiosity and self-compassion.”

10. How Do Therapists Treat Trauma?

For those wondering what trauma therapy actually looks like, Laurel describes it as “a healing relationship.”


“You should feel safe with your therapist,” she emphasizes. “We’re born into relationship, we’re wounded in relationship, and we’re healed in relationship.”There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Techniques like EMDR, somatic work, or Internal Family Systems are simply tools — but trust is the foundation. If you’re exploring therapy, Laurel encourages you to ask questions: What will sessions look like? What’s the map of where we’re going?
Your therapist should be able to explain it clearly, without jargon or mystery.

Conclusion: Healing Is Possible — and Likely

As the conversation wraps up, Laurel leaves listeners with a powerful truth: “We’re all doing the best we can — and we can do better.”
Healing isn’t about perfection. It’s about safety, connection, and hope — even if someone else has to hold that hope for you for a while.

“I often tell clients, ‘You may not believe yet that life can be good, but I’ll hold that belief for you,’” she says. “Hope feels threatening when you’ve been in survival mode — but that’s exactly when you need it most.”

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Overdose & Addiction Grief: Adriana Sansam’s Insights on Coping with Loss, Shame, and Stigma

Addiction is often portrayed in media as a visibly destructive force, leading to immediate chaos and collapse. But for countless individuals and families, the reality is far more subtle, insidious, and heartbreaking. The life of a “high-functioning addict” can exist in a parallel world: one where they successfully run a business, raise a family, and maintain sobriety for years, all while wrestling in private with a relentless, life-threatening disease.

This devastating duality is at the core of the story shared by Adriana Sansam on the Recoverycast podcast. In 2023, she lost her 30-year-old husband, Eric, a devoted father and business owner, to an accidental overdose. Her journey through love, addiction, resilience, and agonizing grief reveals the urgent need to dismantle the stigma surrounding substance use disorder and to understand the immense pressure and isolation felt by both the person struggling and their closest loved ones.

1. The Love Story and the Unexpected Revelation

The beginning of Adriana and Eric’s relationship was a whirlwind of connection and certainty. They met as neighbors, and for Adriana, the attraction and sense of future were immediate. “We just knew,” she said. “When you know, you know.” Their life together moved fast, anchored by a deep mutual affection.

However, the foundation of their relationship was built before Adriana fully understood the hidden chapters of Eric’s past. As she recounted, her initial exposure to hard drugs and addiction was minimal, leading to a naive, movie-like perception of what an “addict” looked like. This perception was shattered one day while innocently rummaging through a desk with Eric.

The discovery of a needle in an old instrument case prompted a serious discussion that would forever change her life. Eric confessed: he was a recovering heroin addict. Adriana’s first reaction was to laugh—she genuinely thought he was joking, as it seemed so incongruous with the man she knew. Eric, however, was serious, explaining he had been in recovery for a year or two. He had already completed treatment and was sober, making the reality feel distant and manageable at first.

The early years of their relationship, while happy, were also a period of “white-knuckling sobriety” for Eric. He continued to drink heavily, a factor Adriana later realized was a significant, unaddressed trigger. For a recovering addict, alcohol can lower inhibitions and judgment, making the decision to use the original drug of choice feel less consequential. A powerful moment highlighted this danger: after a night of heavy drinking, Eric once turned to her and said, “I’m craving. I need to go home because I’m craving drugs. And don’t let me leave.” This was a terrifying first look at the relentless struggle beneath the surface of his successful facade.

See heroin treatment centers.

2. The Internal Demons Driving the Disease

To truly understand Eric’s addiction, one must look into the deep-seated pain and trauma that fueled his struggle. Addiction is rarely about a simple lack of willpower; it’s often a complex response to unresolved psychological and emotional distress. As Adriana explains, Eric was a loving, empathetic person who felt things deeply—a common trait among those who grapple with internal demons.

Eric’s childhood was marked by immense loss and harmful influences. His father died the day before his fifth birthday, leaving a gaping wound. Compounding this, he endured a troubled relationship with a stepfather who was also an addict and who, tragically, introduced Eric to substance use. This environment of early trauma and exposure set a dangerous stage for his future.

The four and a half years of initial sobriety were a testament to Eric’s strength, but the underlying issues were never fully silenced. The relapse came in 2020, during the unique stress landscape of the COVID-19 pandemic. This period brought a convergence of stressors that can be exacerbating factors for addiction, including:

  • Financial Pressure: Eric owned and operated a moving company, which was severely impacted by COVID-related lockdowns and restrictions. He felt the intense pressure of being the sole provider for his growing family.
  • Mental Health Struggles: The pandemic was a global mental health crisis. For Eric, the isolation, uncertainty, and disruption to routines were a perfect storm.
  • Family Stress: Adriana was battling severe postpartum depression following the birth of their first daughter and was pregnant with their second child. This stress, while shared, weighed heavily on Eric, contributing to his feelings of inadequacy and failure.

This perfect storm culminated in Eric’s relapse while Adriana was away. The disease, which had been dormant, reasserted its presence, preying on his mental and emotional vulnerabilities.

3. Recognizing the Mask: Signs of a High-Functioning Addict

When Adriana returned from her trip, she noticed subtle differences in Eric’s behavior, though she didn’t connect them to drug use initially. The relapse of a high-functioning addict is often not signaled by a sudden dramatic breakdown, but by small, almost imperceptible shifts. Eventually, Adriana discovered heroin in his car—a devastating find that Eric initially tried to deny, but confessed to upon seeing her attempt to dispose of it.

For loved ones of high-functioning individuals, recognizing the signs can be incredibly difficult because the core responsibilities of life are still being met. Eric successfully hid his addiction from even his closest family members, including Adriana’s parents, whom he lived with for a year and a half.

Tell-Tale Signs of Hidden Addiction:

  • Excessive Time Away from Home: Eric’s work trips became longer, and he invented reasons to be out for extended periods. This distance provided an opportunity to use away from his family.
  • Increased Frequency of Normal Trips: Eric became “a gas station guy,” multiplying his short trips out. Adriana later realized this was a cover for when he would go get high.
  • Sudden “Sweetness” or Over-Compensation: Eric began offering to go out and get Adriana her favorite coffee, a gesture that seemed loving but was actually a mechanism to get her to let him leave the house. “I didn’t catch on until later is, oh, you wanna get me a coffee so you can go get high?”
  • Emotional Withdrawal and Embarrassment: He would isolate himself while using, often going to work to get high. As Adriana noted, this was out of embarrassment—an attempt to shield his family from witnessing his struggle.

This ability to manage a business and maintain the facade of a “really good husband, really good father” is what makes high-functioning addiction so frighteningly dangerous. It allows the disease to progress out of sight until it’s too late.

4. The Unconventional Path to Support: ‘I’m Not Against You’

When faced with Eric’s relapse, Adriana’s initial reaction was pain and confusion: “Why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me?” This mindset is common for partners, stemming from the deeply ingrained belief that love should be enough to overcome the addiction.

However, as she researched and talked openly with Eric, her perspective shifted from one of personal offense to one of team-based support. Eric played a crucial role in this transition, helping her understand that his actions were not a malicious choice against her, but a symptom of his disease.

The shift in their approach was profound:

  • Disappointment vs. Abandonment: Adriana learned to separate her disappointment in the relapse from her commitment to Eric. She was honest about her anger but firm in her stance: “I am on your team.”
  • The Power of Staying: Eric often told Adriana to leave him, believing she deserved better, but she consistently refused. Her unwavering presence became a lifeline. Addiction often pushes people away out of shame and a desire to protect loved ones from the inevitable pain. Her refusal to be pushed away countered his deep-seated trauma.
  • The Desire for Help: Unlike many who fight the idea of sobriety, Eric always wanted to be clean. He would often call Adriana in distress immediately after using, begging her to come home and throw away his stash for him because he lacked the willpower to do it himself. This shows the addict’s true desire fighting against the compulsion of the disease.

Adriana’s “crazy” actions—the constant checking, location sharing, and accountability—were born out of love and fear, not malice. They were a form of survival. Eric himself later validated her vigilance: “If you weren’t as crazy as you were, I would’ve been dead a very long time ago.”

This validation was essential, highlighting that for a high-functioning addict, extreme accountability from a loved one can sometimes be the only thing keeping them tethered to life.

5. The Isolation of Shame and Stigma

Perhaps the most tragic aspect of their journey was the profound isolation Adriana endured. For years, she kept Eric’s addiction a complete secret from her family, friends, and community. This silence was driven by Eric’s fear of judgment and the pervasive stigma attached to substance use disorder.

This wall of secrecy forced Adriana into “survival mode,” making her feel like a “crazy wife” to the outside world because they couldn’t see the real threat she was fighting. The emotional burden of monitoring, fearing, and keeping silent while living with two small children took a severe toll on her mental health.

The silence broke devastatingly on the day Eric died. In her frantic call to the hotel, yelling that her husband was an addict and needed help, her parents finally heard the truth. This moment underscores a horrifying reality: stigma kills. The fear of being judged prevented Eric from seeking consistent, community-based support, and it prevented Adriana from accessing her own support network, such as Al-Anon, which provides crucial resources for the family members of addicts.

6. The Inevitable Tragedy and the Ongoing Fight Against Stigma

Eric’s death occurred on a work trip in March 2023. Though he was not in a period of active, sustained addiction at the time—Adriana had been drug-testing him and could tell by his behavior—the nature of his death pointed back to the disease. For Eric, the work trips were a time away from accountability, and tragically, a moment of isolation was a moment of vulnerability.

His death revealed a further layer of societal judgment. When Adriana shares how her husband died, she is often met with instant judgment from those who view addiction through the narrow, stereotyped lens of popular culture. They cannot reconcile the image of a loving father and successful businessman with an accidental overdose.

This experience highlights the critical need to view addiction as a chronic disease, not a moral failing. The countless thousands of accidental overdoses are not happening to “nobodies”—they are happening to people like Eric: neighbors, fathers, business owners, and loving partners. This is why conversations like Adriana’s are vital. They humanize the disease and fight the pervasive stigma that keeps people silent and isolated, often with fatal consequences.

7. Finding Hope and Voice: Moving Just for Today

Adriana’s resilience in the face of this incomprehensible loss is a testament to her strength. She now channels her experience into her podcast, Just for Today, a phrase she found in Eric’s recovery journal. It is a philosophy that embraces the idea of coping with the immense weight of grief and the past by focusing only on the present moment.

For those struggling with addiction or supporting a loved one, Adriana’s story offers crucial lessons:

  • Acknowledge the Disease: Recognize that addiction is a chronic, relapsing disease, not a lack of love or moral character. This shift in perspective is the first step toward effective support and reducing your own feelings of disappointment or guilt.
  • Seek Your Own Support: Family and friends need support just as much as the person using. Organizations like Al-Anon or individual therapy can help loved ones process their grief, fear, and anger. Resources for families can be found at Recovery.com’s resource center.
  • Embrace Accountability (With Love): For high-functioning individuals, a strong support system that provides consistent, non-judgmental accountability can be life-saving.
  • Talk About It: Break the cycle of secrecy. Sharing Eric’s story is Adriana’s way of ensuring his life—and his struggle—serves a greater purpose: saving others by normalizing the conversation.

Eric’s life, filled with love, success, and profound internal pain, is a powerful reminder that addiction wears many masks. By confronting the stigma head-on and understanding the complex reality of the high-functioning addict, we can better support those who are struggling just for today and perhaps prevent future tragedies.

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Healing from Childhood Trauma: Caitlyn Boardman’s 12 Lessons from Alcoholism and Borderline Personality Disorder Recovery

In a world that often demands perfection, especially when it comes to recovery, the story of Caitlyn Boardman—a mental health and sobriety advocate—is a powerful testament to the messy, non-linear reality of healing. As a guest on the Recoverycast podcast, Caitlyn shared her deeply personal journey through adoption trauma, the early loss of a parent, a turbulent relationship with alcohol and substances, and a complex interplay of mental health conditions, including Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and an eating disorder. Her path, marked by relapse, divorce, and the grief of losing both adoptive parents, is a striking example of persistence over perfection.

Her message, distilled from years of struggle and eventual triumph, offers a crucial anchor for anyone feeling lost: “Just to not give up hope. And that, you know, despite all the things life throws at you, there is hope on the other side, even when it feels like there is none at all.” Caitlyn’s willingness to embrace the imperfections of her journey—from being the “girl with the alcohol in her closet” to a public advocate—shows that true strength lies not in avoiding the fall, but in constantly choosing to get back up. This comprehensive article delves into the core challenges Caitlyn faced and builds on her story to offer 12 critical takeaways for navigating co-occurring disorders, trauma, and the continuous fight for a better life.

1. Recognizing the Indirect Impact of Childhood Trauma and Adoption

Caitlyn’s childhood, while seemingly stable, was underpinned by the indirect trauma of early life experiences. Adopted from South Korea and raised in a white family, she initially believed her adoption didn’t affect her. It wasn’t until she reached adulthood and sought therapy that the deeper emotional roots of her struggles began to surface.

Caitlyn’s therapist posed a critical question that unlocked a deeper understanding: “You’re adopted, but where were you the first four months of your life?” This led to the discovery that she had been in a foster home, a separation that her therapist linked to her adult trust issues. This experience highlights a crucial aspect of trauma: it doesn’t have to be a direct, dramatic event to leave a lasting impact. The pre-verbal separation from her birth mother and subsequent placement created an emotional blueprint that affected her ability to form secure attachments later in life.

Compounding this was the loss of her adoptive father at the tender age of six. She recalls: “I remember running away as a kid. I was just really upset and my mom, she let me cry, but you know, then it was just, we never really talked about it.” The lack of open communication about grief meant that she and her brother “suffered in silence,” a common experience in families where emotional expression is suppressed.

Explore trauma treatment options.

2. Early Onset Alcoholism and the Search for Numbing

The seeds of addiction were planted early for Caitlyn, fueled by a combination of easy access to alcohol and an internal struggle to cope with her feelings of loneliness and grief. She recounts starting to drink around age 13 and drinking alone. Access was made easy because her mother kept alcohol in the house “all the time.”

Her habit quickly progressed from experimentation to a pattern of isolation and concealment: “I remember I would take alcohol from my mom, I’d put it in water bottles… and stuff it in my closet. Like my friends used to joke around, like they’d be like, oh, you’re the girl with the alcohol in her closet.” This early reliance on alcohol to numb difficult emotions is a classic red flag for a developing substance use disorder.

The interviewer rightly pointed out the heartbreaking realization in hindsight: “That’s a kid really struggling, grabbing for alcohol and substance to try and numb that, that’s extremely tough.” This pattern of self-medication would continue for years, culminating in a period where she felt destined to suffer: “I feel like I’m meant to suffer. So that’s why I drank. I was like, I, I feel like I’m just not meant to be happy.” This belief—that she was unworthy of happiness—drove her substance use, highlighting the deep connection between self-worth and addiction.

3. Navigating the Complexities of Co-Occurring Disorders

Caitlyn’s journey is a powerful case study in comorbidity, or the co-occurrence of substance use disorders with mental health conditions. She battled alcoholism alongside an eating disorder and was later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

The Eating Disorder and Body Image

Her struggle with the eating disorder intensified after having her children, driven by a hyper-focus on weight loss. This pursuit of “skinny” led to severely restrictive behaviors, eventually causing her to view herself as overweight even at a critically low weight of 98 pounds. This distorted self-perception is a hallmark of eating disorders, where the underlying issue is not truly about food or weight, but about control, self-criticism, and emotional regulation.

See eating disorder treatment options.

The Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Diagnosis

Caitlyn pursued psychiatric help after feeling “off” her whole life due to severe mood swings. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a condition that the clinician linked directly to her trauma. BPD is characterized by unstable moods, behavior, relationships, and self-image, often leading to impulsive behavior, intense emotional responses, and difficulties with secure attachments—all of which factored into Caitlyn’s self-destructive patterns. The self-harm that started in middle school evolved into physically hitting and bruising herself, particularly when alcohol was involved, demonstrating the volatile synergy between her substance use and mental health struggles. She noted that BPD, unlike some other disorders, “you get it from trauma.”

4. The Deepening of Addiction and Rock Bottom

The full severity of Caitlyn’s addiction surfaced after her third child, following a messy breakup with the children’s father. The intermittent drinking of her early motherhood quickly escalated to drinking “all day, every day”. The day-to-day struggle was marked by extreme self-harm and an inability to maintain stability. She lost one job and narrowly avoided being fired from another after showing up to work “blackout drunk” and messing up “every table’s order.”

The turning point—or “rock bottom”—was a dramatic, frightening moment in 2021, a month after the birth of her fourth child. A volatile argument with her partner while both were drinking led to a frightening climax that resulted in the police being called for the third time. The police’s warning about the potential involvement of Child Protective Services served as a stark and terrifying wake-up call.

Find integrative alcohol addiction treatment options.

5. Choosing Sobriety and Embracing New Habits

After the incident with the police, Caitlyn embarked on her recovery journey. Despite having no formal treatment or therapy at the time—a testament to her sheer willpower and underlying resilience—she stopped drinking daily. She noted that while she didn’t experience the severe physical withdrawals many do, she was immediately plagued by intense cravings, which often manifest as a craving for sweets in early sobriety.

To fill the void left by alcohol, she actively jumped into new habits and tools:

  • Fitness Shift: She completely changed her focus in the gym, moving from working out “to be skinny” to working out “to be strong, not skinny.” This complete mindset switch reflected a fundamental move toward self-care and health, resulting in a healthy weight gain of 15 pounds.
  • Mindfulness and Meditation: Overcoming the initial difficulty of sitting with a “sober brain” and a head full of trauma-driven thoughts, she credits meditation as a “key to so many things,” especially for managing her BPD symptoms. She also highlighted the importance of breathwork to calm her nervous system in daily situations.

6. The Necessity of Environmental and Relational Changes

Maintaining sobriety demanded a complete overhaul of her social life. Since her entire friend circle drank, she had to stop going out, which inevitably led to losing many friends. While this loss hurt, she adopted a mature perspective: “I was like, you know what? They weren’t my friends in the first place.” This realization is a vital lesson in recovery: true friends support your health, while drinking companions only support the addiction.

This principle was painfully tested in her marriage, which had begun and was largely fueled by alcohol during the COVID-19 pandemic. She eventually found herself navigating a divorce from a partner who repeatedly lied about his own sobriety. “I found out later on that he had drank and lied to me about it… that was hard to deal with.” The pain and harassment from the dissolution of that toxic relationship made her “want to drink so bad,” but she persevered.

The anchor that kept her from drinking during the immense stress of divorce and the grief of her mother’s passing was her children. She intentionally chose to provide them with a different, more emotionally available experience of grief than the one she had as a child: “I wanted to be strong for them. And, you know, not go down that dark path.”

7. The Power of Advocacy and Vulnerability on Social Media

In an age where public figures often curate perfect narratives, Caitlyn’s decision to share her raw journey publicly has been a source of healing and connection. Starting with a single TikTok post about being “one month sober” in 2021, her vulnerability resonated with a massive audience.

What’s interesting is the contrast she found in sharing: she describes herself as a private person in her day-to-day life, yet an “open book” on social media. This distinction is common for advocates who find safety and connection in a digital community. The feedback and messages she received affirmed that her story was making a difference, transforming her personal struggle into a source of public hope.

8. Understanding the Nature of Relapse: A Non-Linear Journey

Caitlyn’s most recent experience highlights a key message: recovery is not linear, and relapse is often a process that begins long before the first drink is taken.

In a situation that many in sobriety fear, she was mistakenly served a full-alcohol beer instead of the non-alcoholic (NA) beer she ordered. While she noticed the strong taste, she initially rationalized it. Her therapist offered a profound concept: “Relapse before you relapse.” Caitlyn realized that for a month beforehand, she had been “looking for something,” having bought and kept a miniature bottle of liquor in her fridge. This pre-relapse mental softening meant that the accidental exposure became a justification: “I was like, gotcha. This is the perfect opportunity. You know? You were justifying in your head.”

The Three-Day Wake-Up Call

The accidental slip quickly spiraled into a full, short-lived relapse. The severity of the incident—which involved her being so drunk she ended up in the hospital after friends reported her banging her head on the floor—served as a definitive reminder of where her addiction leads. After a brief period of continued drinking for three days, the physical illness from dehydration and the shame of the behavior quickly brought her back to the clarity of sobriety: “This is not it. Like we didn’t do this. We can go back now.”

The non-linear nature of recovery means a slip doesn’t erase the progress made. It’s a data point, not a destination.

9. The Importance of an Open Dialogue on Grief

The most moving part of Caitlyn’s story is the conscious choice to heal her own past by changing her present and future. Reflecting on the silent suffering after her father’s passing, she made a deliberate choice to be “very open” with her children following the loss of her adoptive mother: “I was like, we need to talk about it.”

This act of providing emotional space for her children is profoundly healing. As she put it, “It feels really good to be able to like, have those tools from that experience to like give that to my kids while they’re going through this.” This breaks the generational cycle of emotional avoidance and is a powerful act of self-compassion directed at the child version of herself.

10. The Simple Power of Persistence

Caitlyn’s entire narrative is summed up by her core message: persistence. She didn’t have a magical, instant recovery. She battled on and off for years, from her early teens until she got sober in 2021, a five-year period of severe struggle after her third child. Her persistence was not a sudden burst of perfect effort, but the quiet, daily commitment to “keep fighting every day, kept showing up until one day I was like, I’m sober.”

This relentless showing up, even when things felt utterly hopeless, is the essence of her success. For anyone feeling overwhelmed by the length and difficulty of their own recovery journey, Caitlyn’s story is proof that showing up for yourself is the single most important action you can take.

11. The Protective Role of Parenthood in Sobriety

While a challenging relationship with her children’s father fueled some of her heaviest drinking, her children ultimately became her most powerful protective factor. When faced with the immense grief and stress of her mother’s passing, they were her anchor, keeping her from drinking.

She is honest about this reality: “I feel like if I didn’t have my kids, I probably would’ve drank.” For many parents, the desire to provide a stable, loving environment becomes the “reason” that outweighs the addiction’s pull. It transformed her motivation from self-loathing (“I’m meant to suffer”) to service (“I wanted to be strong for them”).

12. Never Give Up Hope: A Final, Powerful Word

Caitlyn’s journey from a self-harming, isolated child with a hidden stash of alcohol to a strong, vulnerable mother and advocate is a roadmap for those navigating the darkest of paths. Her entire message hinges on this simple, profound instruction: Don’t give up hope.

The most compelling quote from her experience encapsulates the dark mental state of addiction and the breakthrough of recovery: “I’ve been in such a dark place, I’ve been like that in that area of my life where I’m like, things will never get better. I’ll never be happy… And that’s why I kept drinking.” Her eventual turn—the decision to keep fighting despite this deep-seated belief—is the persistence that turned her life around.

Her story is a living example of a fundamental truth: no matter how complex the mental health issues (BPD, eating disorder, alcoholism, trauma) or how difficult the circumstances (loss, divorce, relapse), the persistence to show up every day leads to the other side. Healing is messy, but it is always possible.

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Alyson Stoner on Navigating Trauma and an Eating Disorder in the Hollywood Spotlight

Alyson Stoner, a familiar face from childhood classics like Cheaper by the Dozen, Step Up, and Camp Rock, knows the intense, often unsustainable, pressures of the entertainment industry firsthand. Starting at a young age, Stoner was immersed in 80-hour work weeks, financial responsibilities, and constant public scrutiny that extended to their body and personal life, leading to struggles with disordered eating, severe anxiety, and a deep lack of personal boundaries.

Now, as a certified mental health practitioner, policy advocate, and New York Times bestselling author of the memoir Semi Well Adjusted, Despite Literally Everything, Stoner has transformed their experience into a powerful platform for change. They are the founder of Movement Genius, a digital platform offering therapist-led content, and a mental health coordinator for film productions.

On Recoverycast, Stoner shared the profound lessons learned from their journey through the Hollywood pressure cooker and into a life of proactive wellness. Their story offers a crucial window into how systemic issues in high-demand environments can impact a developing mind, and more importantly, how healing, agency, and recovery can be found, even when your foundation has been constantly shifting.

Recognizing That Traumas Can Become “Superpowers”

A key theme in recovery is learning to re-contextualize the coping mechanisms and survival strategies developed during times of stress. What was once necessary to survive can, with conscious effort, be channeled into something productive.

“That’s where you take the hypervigilance that was once suggested a survival strategy and apply it in a proactive way,” Stoner notes. They reflect that many qualities others praise in their career—their “superpowers”—are actually rooted in the very traumas they experienced. For instance, the constant need to be adaptable and ready for change on set, while initially creating an imbalance, can be reframed as a high degree of flexibility and responsiveness in their adult work as a practitioner and advocate.

This process involves recognizing that the drive, attention to detail, or ability to anticipate problems (hypervigilance) isn’t inherently bad; the problem lies in the source and the intensity of its demand. By becoming aware of the origin, one gains the choice to use the skill purposefully rather than being driven by a subconscious need to survive.

Understanding the Child Performer’s First Map of the World

For any child, repeated experiences and absorbed messages form the foundational “map of the world.” For a child performer, this map is drawn under extreme and often unnatural conditions, leading to distorted perceptions of self and safety.

Stoner outlines the key differences between a typical childhood foundation and one built in the entertainment industry:

  • Lack of Routine and Consistency: Instead of reliable school schedules and a consistent home life, Stoner was working 80-hour weeks on constantly changing sets, eliminating the stability necessary for a secure attachment.
  • Blurred Identity: Young children lack a formed sense of self and primarily absorb external messages. Playing multiple characters without tools to differentiate led to blurred lines between their own thoughts and those of a role. Stoner felt like “tofu in essence,” absorbing the flavor of whatever role or environment surrounded them.
  • Reversed Caregiver Roles: Child performers can become financially responsible for a team of adults, placing the child in a position of power and vulnerability simultaneously. This compromises the safe, trustworthy space a young person needs from attuned caregivers.
  • Public Scrutiny: Dealing with public criticism and lack of privacy from a very young age teaches the child that the external world is a primary source of threat and judgment.

The Shift from Human Being to Product

The most detrimental implicit shift, Stoner explains, was learning to see themselves as an object:

“I came to know my body, my mind and body as an object to fix or a project to complete, because I was the product.”

This realization, driven by constant demands for modification in auditions and performances, replaced listening to their basic human needs. The self became a tool—something to be molded, starved, or overworked to meet an external standard. This environment cultivated a deep lack of boundaries, where they were programmed to be “fully available and accessible to everyone at all times,” often overlooking their own health and well-being.

Recognizing the “Toddler to Train Wreck Pipeline”

Stoner coined the term “toddler to train wreck pipeline” to describe the repeating spiral of young high-performing individuals (in arts, sports, or academics) who experience an early peak and then undergo a public downward spiral involving mental health crises, exploitation, or addiction.

This pipeline, Stoner argues, is not due to personal failure, but to major systemic variables that are not addressed in the industry. It’s a preventable crisis. By analyzing media culture, industry protocols, and child labor laws, Stoner recognized that proactive intervention is possible. Their current work as a mental health coordinator for film productions addresses these very gaps, creating protocols to support the psychological safety of cast and crew.

Coping Strategies as Natural Responses to Extreme Circumstance

The struggles with disordered eating and over-exercising were not random but were “responses to really extreme and bizarre circumstances.” In an environment where control over life, safety, and identity was nonexistent, these behaviors provided a false sense of agency and control.

Stoner also highlights the high-octane nature of the work itself, which contributed to an addictive high pattern:

“I think that too, as a child, I didn’t realize what was happening, but I was developing that sort of addictive high pattern… So even when I wasn’t booking work anymore, or as regularly, I would find other things to do that would give me that same spike.”

Performing in front of thousands of people offers an adrenaline and dopamine rush that is followed by a natural dip, known as a post-tour depressive period. Without tools to understand or manage this cycle, the body seeks that high through other means. The eating disorder, therefore, became an unconscious attempt to keep it all together and suppress emotions that would have interfered with the job.

The Need for Proactive Mental Health Coordination

The lack of mental health support on sets was a significant factor in the toll taken on Stoner and their peers. At the time, creative spaces prioritized the story’s intensity over the human cost.

This problem extended beyond the child actor to every member of the production. This includes crew members setting up scenes that might trigger past trauma, editors working in dark rooms cutting intense material for long hours, and even the audience, whose constant consumption of intense, violent material leads to desensitization and dissociation. Stoner’s work as a mental health coordinator is now focused on ensuring ethical media creation for everyone involved, from the performers to the crew and the audience.

The Journey to Treatment: Repairing the “Instrument”

At 17, after realizing their disordered eating had taken control and following a significant audition, Stoner entered treatment. Initially, the goal was merely to “repair my instrument, and then get back out in the game”—a reflection of the product mentality.

However, treatment provided a radically different experience, including a steady, structured schedule, adults not on the payroll who were invested in their human development, and the space to ask: “What do you want for your life?” This environment allowed the deeper, years-long conditioning to begin to unravel.

The first day was incredibly difficult, marked by chemical and emotional withdrawal from the dependencies they had built. “It felt like my body was on fire,” Stoner recalls, a testament to how physically hard it is to quit a survival mechanism.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as the First Step

In early recovery, the focus shifted to cognitive tools to manage the racing thoughts that drove the unhealthy behaviors. Stoner found immense utility in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), particularly the creation of trigger cards. This involved assessing triggers, naming old ways (the historical, non-serving response), and then establishing highly specific replacement strategies for that particular trigger. The consistent, moment-to-moment practice of “catching the thought as it happens, challenging the truth of it, and changing it in real time” was a critical early intervention.

Embracing Somatic Tools to Regulate the Nervous System

While CBT helped with the mind, the body needed a different approach. After leaving the structured environment of treatment and re-engaging with life’s stressors, Stoner shifted to somatic tools—practices that focus on the mind-body connection—to handle the inevitable discomfort.

Somatic work teaches a person how to feel discomfort without immediately needing to run away or fix it with a coping mechanism. This is a difficult pivot, especially when society often equates meditation with “emptying your mind,” which is nearly impossible for someone with an activated nervous system.

The Power of Titration and Patience in Healing

Working with a somatic psychotherapist, Stoner was introduced to the concept of titration—a technique for managing intense emotional experiences by working in small, manageable doses.

Imagine being in a pot of hot water. When the stress (“heat”) becomes too much and you start to “boil over,” titration involves using small techniques to dial down the heat to a manageable level before dipping back into the difficult work.

For Stoner, this meant a session might only involve noticing that their hand formed an angry fist when a difficult topic was raised. That’s it. The session’s goal was not a breakthrough but to feel and name the physical reaction without escalating. This slow, steady process acknowledges that the body will resist change if pushed too far, viewing it as unsafe.

Finding Your Path: The Diverse Faces of Recovery

Stoner emphasizes that there is no single path to healing. Recovery is not a one-size-fits-all process.

For some, it means walking away from the source of trauma forever. For others, it might mean doing the deep work to heal and then using that knowledge to become an advocate or an agent of change within the very system that caused the harm. The key is developing the wisdom and discernment to know what is best for your current stage of healing, and to avoid re-traumatizing yourself by rushing to turn pain into purpose.

The ability to pivot from a life of intense performance to one of thoughtful practice and advocacy has allowed Stoner to help the next generation avoid the pitfalls they experienced. By sharing their story, they offer both a mirror for those who recognize their own struggles and a window for others to understand the vital need for systemic change in high-pressure industries.

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Kelly U’s 5 Insights on Navigating Binge Eating Disorder, Depression, and Codependency

https://youtu.be/NItyDrgCp1w

The journey to mental wellness is rarely a straight path. It is often a complex and winding road filled with unexpected detours and challenges. For many, this journey begins in childhood, rooted in silent struggles and emotional turmoil that manifest in adulthood. The story of Kelly U, a mental health and wellness advocate, is a powerful testament to this reality. Her raw and honest conversation on the Recoverycast podcast sheds light on the origins of her disordered eating, her battles with codependency, and her ultimate triumph in finding sobriety and self-acceptance. By delving into her personal narrative, we can uncover key insights into how early life experiences can shape our mental health and how the right tools and support can lead to profound healing.

1. The Genesis of Disordered Eating: An Origin Story

At the tender age of 10, a seemingly innocuous comment from a boy at school served as a catalyst for what would become years of struggle with disordered eating for Kelly. While the remark “you got like really chubby” was the trigger, it was the underlying family tension and a household where emotions were suppressed that created fertile ground for her to seek control through food. This experience highlights a critical truth about eating disorders: they are not simply about food or body image; they are often a coping mechanism for deeper emotional distress.

“His comment didn’t cause me to develop an eating disorder. That you just sort of would, just needed the perfect thing to light the fire.”

The real fuel was an inability to process and communicate about the “brooding feel” of tension in her home. Children, especially, are highly attuned to their environment and will often internalize the emotional climate of their household, even when the issues are never directly spoken about. Kelly’s desire to numb out and escape into a “fantasy world” through reading was an early sign of her struggle to cope, a behavior that would later escalate into more harmful forms of avoidance.

The story also touches on the complex role of family dynamics in shaping a person’s relationship with their body. Kelly’s mother, a former beauty pageant queen, was highly aware of her appearance and her own struggles with body image. While she never commented on Kelly’s body, her mother’s own anxieties created a template for Kelly to internalize. When the boy’s comment came, it validated an unspoken anxiety that was already present in her environment. This shows that even without direct criticism, parental behaviors and self-perceptions can profoundly influence a child’s body image and self-worth.

2. When Coping Becomes the Problem

Kelly’s journey from restriction to binging illustrates the vicious cycle of disordered eating. After being “forced to just eat,” she swung from anorexia to binge eating, finding a new form of escape. She describes the experience of binge eating Captain Crunch cereal at age 12, not as a moment of indulgence, but as a form of dissociation.

“When I was binge eating, I could also fully not be in the room because I’m. Literally shoving food in my face and covered in shame.”

This powerful description reveals that the act of binging was a means to “fully not be in the room,” a way to distract herself from the constant fear, guilt, and emotional turmoil of her life. The shame that followed the binge eating created a constant “freak out” that consumed her mental space, leaving no room to deal with her parents’ fighting or her own inner struggles. This cycle of binging and shame became its own kind of “drug,” a destructive mechanism that allowed her to avoid her real-life problems.

The podcast also touches on the complex relationship between disordered eating and substance use, specifically marijuana. For Kelly, smoking weed provided a “high of permission” to engage in binge eating, escalating a behavior she already struggled with. This highlights how different vices can become intertwined, each one reinforcing the other and creating a more difficult path to recovery. Her story serves as a reminder that when we seek to numb our pain, we often create new problems that compound the original issues.

Explore treatment options for eating disorders and marijuana addiction.

3. The Role of Codependency and Abusive Relationships

As Kelly transitioned into adulthood, her struggles with self-esteem and codependency became evident in her romantic relationships. Her seven-year relationship with a “narcissistically abusive” partner became a new arena for her emotional turmoil. In this dynamic, she sought the love and acceptance she felt was lacking in her life, but instead, she found manipulation and control.

“I was so mentally unwell and I was super codependent. So I played such a part in that relationship keeping, keeping it alive because I was so desperate for him to just love me and accept me.”

This quote is a stark admission of how codependency can lead a person to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Kelly’s desire for love and acceptance from her partner mirrored her earlier attempts to seek a sense of control and stability in her life. The relationship provided a twisted sense of purpose, even if it was a negative one. She was so consumed with trying to “fix” the relationship and gain his affection that she lost herself in the process.

The abusive nature of the relationship, with constant cheating and emotional manipulation, further eroded her self-worth. Her partner’s gaslighting tactics, like saying “you’re not supportive of me by you being upset with me,” are classic signs of narcissistic abuse. This type of emotional manipulation is designed to make the victim feel responsible for the abuser’s actions, trapping them in a cycle of self-blame and emotional distress. It was only when a couples therapist directly confronted her with the diagnosis of codependency and narcissism that she began to see her situation clearly.

See codependency treatment centers.

4. Embracing Therapy and Finding Your Voice

Despite being in a toxic relationship, Kelly’s ex-boyfriend was the one who encouraged her to go to therapy. This seemingly contradictory act was the key that unlocked her healing journey. While she initially sought therapy to “fix” her binge eating, her therapist’s first question—”What’s your relationship with your dad like?”—shifted her focus from symptoms to root causes.

“I’m really grateful that she asked me that because from then on for years, I’d been unraveling a lot of that and healing a lot of that and working with my family on that.”

This moment was a turning point. It forced her to look beyond the surface-level issues and confront the deeper familial trauma that had been silently influencing her life. Therapy became a safe space to unravel her past, set boundaries with her family, and eventually find a more compassionate way to approach her relationships.

A pivotal moment in Kelly’s recovery was when she began to share her story on social media. What started as an accountability tool became a powerful way to connect with others and realize she wasn’t alone. When she posted about her struggles with binge eating, the outpouring of support and shared experiences validated her and encouraged her to be more honest with herself. This act of vulnerability was a radical departure from a life spent hiding and enabled her to reclaim her narrative.

5. The Power of Sharing and the Freedom of Self-Expression

For Kelly, sharing her story publicly became a form of both self-preservation and advocacy. Her YouTube diary series, in which she documented her recovery journey, was a way to hold herself accountable and stay on the path of healing. The online community she built provided a sense of connection that had been missing for most of her life.

“I started to document what I was learning in therapy in a YouTube diary series. . . I wanted to stay accountable to something.”

Her social media presence became a direct threat to the manipulative control her ex had over her. The letter he slid under her door, begging her not to “post a video that our friends and family will see,” was a final, desperate attempt to maintain his facade. Kelly’s decision to keep that letter, and other mementos from the relationship, was not an act of malice but an act of self-preservation—a physical reminder of how far she had come and why she should never go back.

This final act of defiance and self-expression solidified her recovery journey. It was a declaration of her own truth, one that could no longer be silenced or controlled by others. By sharing her story, she not only helped herself but also became a beacon of hope for others who are navigating similar struggles. Kelly’s story shows us that finding our voice, even when it’s hard, is a crucial step toward freedom and lasting recovery.

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Coping with Trauma and Life Changes: Hector’s Path to Recovery

Coping with addiction and navigating a path to recovery can feel like an impossible task, especially when it seems like the world is crumbling around you. In an episode of the podcast, “Giving Voice to Addiction,” Hector, a man in recovery, shares his powerful story of overcoming addiction, incarceration, and homelessness. His journey highlights a powerful message: even when you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. By addressing the root causes of addiction, building a strong support system, and learning new coping mechanisms, it’s possible to redefine your life and find a lasting sense of peace.

1. Coping with Trauma and Life Changes

For many, substance use isn’t a random choice but a response to underlying pain. As Hector shares, his journey with substances began at age 14 or 15 with alcohol and marijuana, primarily as a way to cope with a difficult home life. He explains, “it was really just masking what I was going through. Home life wasn’t great. Parents were going through a divorce, a separation.” This mirrors the experiences of many individuals who turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of trauma and difficult life events. Instead of developing healthy coping skills, Hector found a temporary escape in substances, which he says, “were just taking me essentially outta my element. I wasn’t focused, I didn’t have direction. There was nothing that was keeping me stable and grounded.”

This highlights a key aspect of addiction: it often starts as a way to manage overwhelming emotions. When life throws us curveballs—like a family crisis, a sudden move, or a job loss—we need healthy outlets to process our feelings. Without them, we’re more susceptible to turning to unhealthy behaviors. Hector’s story is a reminder that addiction isn’t a moral failing; it’s a coping mechanism, albeit a destructive one, that often arises when a person doesn’t have the “avenues” or tools to navigate their feelings. As he mentions, he didn’t have access to the kind of support systems that are available today, like recovery coaches and peer support.

See trauma treatment centers.

2. When Coping Mechanisms Become Consequences

The moment substances cease to be a “solution” and become the primary problem is a turning point for many people struggling with addiction. For Hector, this shift happened when his life became entangled with the criminal justice system. He recalls, “I feel like once, like the criminal as criminal, like aspect of my life started like, I guess blossoming… just getting in trouble more.” His drug use wasn’t just a personal struggle; it began influencing his judgment and leading to real-world consequences, including multiple arrests and a period of being on a GPS bracelet.

His addiction also started to affect his career and his ability to find a stable job. He shares a frustrating experience where he would get job offers, only to have them pulled after a background check. This loss of opportunities led to a deeper depression, which he again tried to mask with drugs like Oxycontin and codeine. This illustrates how the consequences of addiction can fuel the addiction itself. The more he lost, the more he used, a downward spiral that he says, “I think I played more of a factor of it spiralling outta control than the substances, if you will.” He wasn’t a bad person; he was someone who lacked the right tools to deal with his problems.

3. The Forced Sobriety of Incarceration

It might seem counterintuitive, but for some, incarceration can be a pivotal moment in their recovery journey. It forces a complete break from the environment and habits that fuel addiction. For Hector, his longest jail stint, which lasted seven to eight months, played a crucial role. He explains that it “forced me into sobriety, if you will.” While no one wants to be incarcerated, he was able to use that time for positive change, and the forced break allowed his mind to clear and his thoughts to become more rational.

In this environment, he began to practice self-care and personal development by being more active and reading a lot more. He says, “I was just being a little bit more positively active with my mind and my body, and I think those changes started helping me feel better.” This demonstrates the power of creating new routines and focusing on positive habits. Incarceration didn’t magically solve his problems, but it gave him the physical space and mental clarity to start addressing them.

4. Reclaiming Your Identity and Building New Tools

One of the most profound aspects of Hector’s recovery is his shift from a life of shame and poor self-image to one of self-acceptance and purpose. He vividly describes his former self as “an asshole, a piece of shit.” These harsh words reflect the deep-seated shame that can accompany addiction and destructive behavior. However, his journey taught him that he wasn’t a bad person, but a person who lacked the right tools to navigate life’s challenges.

For Hector, one of the most significant tools he developed was the courage to seek professional help. He highlights the transformative power of therapy, saying it “opened that door up completely wide open for me.” Talking to a non-biased, non-judgmental professional helped him process his past actions and gain a new perspective on his identity. It challenged his way of thinking and made him realize that he wasn’t beyond redemption.

5. Sobriety vs. Recovery: A Different Path for Everyone

A common misconception about recovery is that it must follow a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach. However, Hector’s story challenges this notion, particularly in his distinction between sobriety and recovery. He defines sobriety as the goal of abstaining from substances, while recovery is the lifelong journey of healing and growth. He states, “recovery is the journey. Sobriety is the goal, if that’s what you want it to be. Again, everybody’s recovery is gonna be different.” This mindset embraces the reality that not everyone is ready or able to commit to complete abstinence right away.

Hector’s perspective aligns with the principles of harm reduction, a public health strategy that focuses on minimizing the negative consequences of drug use rather than demanding immediate abstinence. He acknowledges that there is a “middle ground” between total abstinence and active use. For him, this meant setting personal boundaries, like limiting his alcohol intake or using ride-sharing services to avoid drinking and driving. As someone who had multiple OWIs, these were crucial, life-saving choices.

6. The “Click”: Finding the Motivation Within

A major theme in Hector’s story is the idea of a “click”—a moment when a person’s mindset shifts and they become genuinely ready for change. For Hector, this moment was subtle but life-altering. While he was in the midst of his criminal case, his lawyer noticed a significant change in him. She told the court that he had become more “receptive” and that “something clicked.” This external validation was a powerful reinforcement of the internal changes he had already begun to make.

He explains that he had already started to notice a change in his demeanor, becoming less arrogant and more open. But he was also looking for external acknowledgment. When his lawyer recognized his progress, it gave him the validation he needed. He says, “maybe this isn’t farfetched. Maybe I am, you know, doing things correctly.” This “click” sparked a new sense of purpose, making him want to do more with his life.

7. Acknowledging What Comes and Letting It Go

One of the most valuable lessons Hector has learned is the art of acceptance. He’s found that a key to maintaining his peace is to “acknowledge what comes to you and sort of accept it and letting it go.” Life will always throw curveballs, both good and bad, but the key is not to let those events dictate your emotional state.

He reflects on a powerful personal philosophy: “nothing lasts forever, not the good or the bad.” This mindset allows him to weather life’s storms without letting them completely derail him. It’s about taking back control and not letting “the actions and the outcomes of actions… dictate where your peace is gonna be at.”

8. The Stepping Stone Approach

In recovery, the journey is often more important than the destination. Hector compares the process to a “stepping stone,” where you take one small step at a time without necessarily seeing the end of the path. He advises, “acknowledge what you’re doing in that moment… and then, you know, keep progressing little by little.” This approach is a powerful antidote to the feeling of being overwhelmed by the long road ahead.

9. Finding a New Purpose in Helping Others

One of the most rewarding parts of Hector’s recovery is his newfound purpose in helping others. He now works as a peer support specialist, a role that allows him to use his lived experience to guide people who are where he once was. He says he wants to help others “genuinely because I know that they might feel how I felt, like, it feels like there’s no way out.” This shift from a life of self-destruction to one of service is a common and powerful part of long-term recovery.

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Coping with Childhood Trauma: 8 Ways to Overcome Alcohol Addiction and Anxiety with Kori Leigh

Life isn’t happening to you; it’s just happening. This profound realization, shared by Kori Leigh, a writer, recovery mentor, and host of The Kori Leigh Show podcast, is a cornerstone of her recovery journey. She challenges the common notion that life’s hardships are a personal attack, instead reframing them as neutral events to be navigated. In a powerful conversation on Recoverycast, Kori shared her story of navigating profound childhood trauma, a destructive battle with addiction, and the eventual surrender that led to a life of purpose and faith.

Before she reached sobriety in 2016, Kori’s life was a maelstrom of rage, self-hatred, and chaotic substance use, all stemming from a traumatic childhood. Her narrative isn’t just about overcoming addiction; it’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of a 12-step recovery program. Kori’s story is a raw and honest look at how unresolved trauma can fuel addiction and how the painful process of facing one’s past is the only way to build a future worth living.

1. Childhood Trauma as a Catalyst

From a young age, Kori’s world was marked by loss and emotional turmoil. Her older brother died from a heart condition when she was an infant, and her father passed away from a brain aneurysm when she was six years old. The trauma of losing her father, a man she adored, left a deep, indelible mark on her psyche. As a child, she struggled to comprehend the arbitrary nature of his death and developed a deep-seated hatred for God and a profound distrust of life itself.

“I hated God for taking my dad,” Kori shared. This anger became her primary coping mechanism, manifesting as rage, resentment, and a feeling of being abandoned by the very fabric of existence. This early trauma set the stage for a lifetime of seeking escape, a pattern that would later lead her down the path of addiction. The sudden, unexplained loss shattered her sense of safety and made her feel like a “puppy that had fallen off the back of the truck,” left to fend for herself in a world that seemed inherently hostile.

See trauma treatment centers.

2. The Illusion of Control: The “Perfect” Double Life

Throughout her addiction, Kori maintained a facade of success and normalcy. She was a personal trainer, a marathon runner, and an author. She built a life that, from the outside, appeared to be thriving. This is a classic hallmark of high-functioning addiction—the ability to hide the chaos and destruction behind a veneer of accomplishment. For Kori, her athletic achievements and professional success were not sources of pride but rather tools for denial.

“No one can tell with me,” she stated, reflecting on her ability to mask her struggles. She believed that her outward success was proof that she didn’t have a problem, an idea that many people with substance use disorders cling to. This double life was a way to manage the intense shame and self-hatred that festered beneath the surface. It was a vicious cycle of self-harm, emotional chaos, and intense self-criticism.

This dual existence is a common theme in the lives of high-functioning addicts. They often excel in their careers, maintain social relationships, and engage in physically demanding activities, all while battling a severe addiction in secret. The shame and fear of exposure drive them to work even harder to maintain the illusion of control, making it incredibly difficult for loved ones to recognize the problem. The facade crumbles only when the addiction becomes so severe that it can no longer be hidden.

Explore alcohol addiction treatment centers.

3. The Onset of Addiction: “I Was a Blackout Party Girl”

Kori’s substance use began in her teens, but it didn’t escalate into full-blown addiction until her mid-twenties. Her drug of choice wasn’t a daily habit but a weekend-long bender, a pattern of “blackout party girl” drinking that she believed absolved her of having a problem.

“I always thought an addict, an alcoholic was like daily. They drank in the morning, they drank like warm, cheap beer under a bridge,” Kori explained, highlighting a common misconception about alcoholism. “I was like a blackout party girl on the weekend, but my weekend was like Thursday to Sunday.”

This pattern of binge drinking, despite not being a daily habit, is a dangerous form of addiction that can cause significant physical and mental health issues. It’s a form of high-risk drinking that can lead to alcohol poisoning, accidents, and a host of long-term health problems.

Kori’s story is a powerful reminder that addiction doesn’t always fit the stereotypical mold. It can be a series of blackouts, a cycle of shame and denial, and a desperate attempt to escape from an inner world of pain and self-loathing. The chaotic lifestyle, losing her car, and the constant fear of what she had done the night before became her new normal.

4. The Rock Bottom: A Spiritual Breaking Point

The path to recovery often begins with a moment of profound crisis, a “rock bottom” where the illusion of control shatters completely. For Kori, this moment was not a single event but a slow, agonizing slide into a level of darkness she could no longer ignore. After a series of destructive relationships fueled by substance use, she found herself in a place of extreme anxiety, depression, and self-harm.

She had a moment of clarity while sitting in a bathtub, fully clothed and without water, where she swore off God. She believes this moment opened a “portal of darkness” that led to a period of severe spiritual and emotional turmoil.

The final descent into recovery came after a period of self-harm and insomnia. She decided to do a “cleanse” from alcohol, a final attempt to regain control. After a brief period of sobriety, she tried to reintroduce alcohol into her life, only to find the darkness returning with a vengeance. She had hit her breaking point.

5. Surrender and the Daily Practice of Recovery

The journey to recovery for Kori was a painful process of surrender. It wasn’t just about giving up alcohol but about surrendering the false narrative she had lived by for so long. She had to face the difficult truth that her life was unmanageable and that she was powerless over her addiction. This admission, she says, was the first step toward true freedom.

She emphasizes that recovery is not a one-time event but a daily practice. It’s about “playing the tape through,” considering the long-term consequences of her actions instead of seeking instant gratification. This is a core principle of 12-step programs, which emphasize the importance of making amends, seeking a spiritual connection, and helping others. For Kori, this meant embracing a life of purpose and faith after a lifetime of feeling disconnected.

“The flip side of recovery is so good,” Kori said, challenging the common misconception that sobriety is a “killjoy” of all fun. “It’s not just a bit better; it’s an entirely different existence.”

Her story is a powerful testament to the idea that recovery is not just about abstaining from a substance but about building a new life, one of meaning, purpose, and genuine connection.

6. The Long Road to Healing: Shame and Forgiveness

Even after achieving sobriety, Kori had to confront the immense shame she carried from her past. The memories of her blackout nights, the lost car, and the destructive behaviors were not erased by her new way of life. She had to work through the shame and forgive herself for the person she was.

“There’s a lot of shame,” Kori admitted. “I’m not gonna come out and tell people…my best-laid plan is like, oh, I’ll kill myself if this doesn’t work out.”

The shame associated with addiction can be a major barrier to seeking help and maintaining recovery. It keeps individuals isolated and unable to share their struggles. For Kori, it took years of therapy and recovery work to process the shame and understand that her destructive behavior was a symptom of a deeper problem.

The journey to self-forgiveness is an essential part of the recovery process. It involves acknowledging the past without judgment and accepting that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing.

7. The Role of Faith and a Higher Power

A central theme in Kori’s story is her evolving relationship with a higher power. After years of hating God for the trauma she endured, she found a spiritual connection through recovery. She had to learn to trust again, not just herself but a force greater than her own will.

“I hated God, and I didn’t trust God,” she said, recounting her childhood rage. However, when she was at her lowest point, she “prayed to a God that I didn’t believe in,” which led her to a therapist and, eventually, the path of recovery.

This spiritual journey is a core component of many recovery programs. It’s not about embracing a specific religion but about finding a power greater than oneself to help overcome addiction. For Kori, this meant learning that life is not happening to her but is a neutral experience that she can navigate with faith and trust.

8. A New Purpose: Helping Others in Recovery

Today, Kori uses her story and her platform to help others. As a writer, recovery mentor, and podcast host, she shares her experiences to inspire hope and show others that a life in recovery is not only possible but incredibly fulfilling. Her podcast, The Kori Leigh Show, is a space where she continues to explore the themes of healing, faith, and purpose.

The act of helping others is a powerful tool for maintaining recovery. It allows individuals to turn their past pain into a source of strength and meaning. It’s a way of making amends for the past and contributing to the well-being of others.

The journey from a “blackout party girl” to a recovery advocate is a testament to the transformative power of a 12-step program and the courage to face one’s deepest fears. Kori’s story is a beacon of hope for anyone struggling with addiction, proving that a life of chaos can be replaced with one of grace, purpose, and genuine connection.

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A Survivor’s Guide to Mental Health: Imani’s 10+ Tools for Navigating Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD

Living with a mental health condition can often feel like an isolating and overwhelming journey. We hear stories about people managing conditions like depression and anxiety, but rarely do we get to hear an honest, in-depth account of the day-to-day realities—the struggles, the breakthroughs, and the slow, often painful process of building a life of purpose.

In a recent episode of the Giving Voice to Mental Health Podcast, a production of Recovery.com, Imani shares her powerful story of living with and managing complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), anxiety, and depression. Diagnosed at a young age, Imani navigated years of misdiagnosis, provider trauma, and a deeply entrenched sense of hopelessness. Her journey from chronic suicidal ideation and isolation to finding purpose and becoming a peer support specialist offers a roadmap for others struggling to find their way.

Imani’s story shows that recovery isn’t a linear path and that there is no single right way to heal. She found her own way by collecting a personal toolkit of strategies—from professional therapy and peer support to smaller, internal practices—that helped her move forward, one small step at a time. This article dives into the key lessons from her journey, providing actionable advice for anyone seeking to build their own path toward mental wellness.

1. Understanding Complex PTSD and Its Impact

When we think of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), our minds often go to images of soldiers or survivors of a single catastrophic event. However, as Imani explains, a different form of this condition, complex PTSD (C-PTSD), arises from repeated, prolonged exposure to trauma, often beginning in childhood. Imani describes C-PTSD as the result of “small traumas that happen in your life that can kind of compound as you have more and more trauma, and you don’t have the tools to react to it.” These ongoing traumatic experiences, particularly those that happen within a person’s family of origin, can lead to a state of chronic unsafety.

Unlike single-incident trauma, C-PTSD often stems from developmental or generational trauma passed down through families. It can lead to a wide range of symptoms, including difficulty regulating emotions, dissociative episodes, and a persistent negative self-perception. Imani’s experience highlights how a lack of healthy coping mechanisms in childhood can set the stage for these conditions later in life. She explains that her reactions to her childhood experiences, without the proper tools to cope, were misinterpreted by professionals, leading to a misdiagnosis of borderline personality disorder. This mislabeling not only complicated her healing process but also exposed her to a kind of “provider trauma” that made it difficult to trust mental health professionals in the future.

Explore treatment options for PTSD.

2. Recognizing the Physical and Emotional Manifestations of Anxiety

Imani’s experience with anxiety started young, and she learned to recognize its physical and emotional signs. For her, anxiety manifests as a burning sensation in her chest, elevated blood pressure, and a tendency to overthink and get stuck in “a thought loop.” She notes that these physical sensations can overlap with her C-PTSD symptoms, and she manages them using grounding techniques. “Often with PTSD, you have to do some grounding,” Imani states. “You have to remind yourself that you’re here right now, you’re fine.”

The practice of grounding is a powerful tool for interrupting the physical symptoms of anxiety. By focusing on the present moment and engaging your senses, you can pull yourself out of a spiral of anxious thoughts. For example, you can try the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This technique helps to anchor you in the present, reducing the intensity of anxiety and preventing a full-blown panic response.

Anxiety can also lead to emotional and social challenges, such as a desire to avoid eye contact or withdraw from social situations. Learning to identify these physical and behavioral cues is the first step toward developing effective coping strategies. With years of therapy, Imani has ingrained these tools so deeply that she now uses them instinctively.

Explore anxiety treatment centers.

3. Fighting the “Big Bad Wolf” of Depression

For Imani, depression was the most prominent and challenging of her diagnoses. It “stripped me of my goals and my ability to think ahead.” She describes a period of immense inadequacy and isolation in her early twenties, where she felt afraid to work and lived with chronic suicidal ideation for years. The culture she grew up in dismissed her feelings, telling her she was “too young to be depressed,” a common and harmful misconception.

Imani’s story offers a unique perspective on managing suicidal thoughts. She explains that by giving herself permission to have those thoughts, acknowledging them as an option, she was able to create a psychological distance from them. “I told myself, I may not kill myself, but I’m gonna allow myself to have these thoughts, and I worked through that.” This radical acceptance allowed her to stop fighting the thoughts and, paradoxically, to move forward. The distance between the thoughts grew, and she began to live her life in small increments, which eventually built into a more purposeful existence.

This experience highlights the importance of not suppressing difficult emotions. While professional help is essential for anyone with suicidal ideation, Imani’s approach of radical acceptance allowed her to reclaim a sense of agency over her life. By acknowledging the presence of the thoughts without acting on them, she was able to start building a future for herself.

Explore depression treatment options.

4. The Power of Peer Support and Shared Experience

Imani’s turning point came when she discovered peer support, a model of care that connects individuals with mental health challenges to people who have lived through similar experiences. “Peer support gave me hope,” she shares. She explains that peer support isn’t about one person “trauma-dumping” on another, but rather “about seeing each other as people that have things going on that have something that happened to you rather than you are a problem.”

This relational approach stands in stark contrast to the medical model of care she had experienced, which often focused on what was “wrong” with her. Peer support specialists use their lived experience as a tool to build a connection and walk alongside individuals on their recovery journey. Imani found immense meaning in her own suffering by becoming a peer specialist herself, helping others navigate the same challenges she faced.

A growing body of research supports the effectiveness of peer support. These specialists provide a unique blend of practical advice, emotional support, and the validation of someone who truly understands.

5. Therapy as a Tool, Not a Punishment

Both Imani and Terry, the podcast host, share the belief that therapy is a valuable tool for everyone, not just those with a diagnosed mental illness. Imani sees therapy as a place to “lay out the things I’ve been thinking about, things that I’ve not worked through from my past, my childhood, and things that are happening right now.” The value lies in having an objective person to talk to, someone who can provide a safe space for processing thoughts and emotions.

For Imani, therapy became a way to reaffirm her own inner strength. “It gives me peace,” she says, “that actually, I have everything I need, you know? And so the therapist just reinforces that.” Therapy isn’t about being told what to do but about gaining the clarity and confidence to make your own decisions. It can be used proactively to prepare for difficult life events, as Terry did before her mother’s passing. This approach turns therapy into a powerful form of self-care and preparation, rather than a last resort.

6. The Healing Power of Self-Compassion and Grace

One of the most profound lessons from Imani’s story is the importance of self-compassion and grace. She explains that it’s impossible to get better if you are constantly “punching yourself in the face.” Her journey involved a slow but deliberate shift from self-hatred to self-love. She started by catching herself when she would say “I hate myself” and eventually replaced that phrase with “I love myself,” even when she didn’t believe it.

This practice of radical self-acceptance is a powerful form of cognitive behavioral therapy. By changing the internal narrative, you can begin to rewire your brain’s emotional responses. As Imani’s journey shows, this isn’t an overnight process, but a slow, consistent practice that builds momentum over time.

7. Small Steps to Build Momentum

When you are in a state of depression or shutdown, the idea of doing anything productive can feel impossible. Imani offers a practical and realistic solution: break down tasks into tiny, manageable steps. She started by giving herself five minutes a day to do something, anything, like cleaning up a small area or just sitting in the same room as her family. This practice, often referred to as behavioral activation, is a cornerstone of cognitive behavioral therapy for depression. The goal is not to complete a big task but to simply get started and build a sense of momentum and accomplishment.

This “five-minute rule” helped Imani slowly build her courage back up, transforming her from a person who was ashamed and isolated to someone who had a career and a community. The small wins created a positive feedback loop, motivating her to take on bigger challenges.

8. Setting Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are a crucial, yet often overlooked, tool for mental health. Imani’s story highlights how a lack of boundaries can lead to burnout and strained relationships. She wishes someone had taught her how to set boundaries earlier in life so she could have protected herself and her relationships.

Setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish or uncaring. In fact, Imani calls it a “compassionate” act. It is a way to respect your own capacity and protect your mental well-being. By setting clear boundaries with her clients, Imani found that she was not only protecting herself but also teaching them a valuable life skill. She learned that saying “no” doesn’t mean “I don’t like you,” but “I’m at capacity.” This simple reframing can change your perspective on self-care, turning it from a luxury into a necessity.

9. Finding Purpose Through Lived Experience

Ultimately, Imani’s story is one of transformation through purpose. She turned her “suffering” into a service that could help others. She found that her darkest experiences gave her a unique ability to connect with and empower others who were struggling. This sense of purpose became a protective factor, keeping her from shutting down and regressing into old patterns.

“What I’ve found is as I built momentum, it just made me wanna do more,” she says. Her work as a peer support specialist not only gave her a career but also gave meaning to her journey. This idea is supported by research showing that altruistic acts, like helping others, can improve a person’s mental health and sense of well-being.

10. You Are Not Your Diagnosis

Through her journey, Imani learned that her diagnoses of C-PTSD, anxiety, and depression “mean this much in my life.” She realized that she had been a strong person all along, but she hadn’t had the tools to act on it. Her journey was about rediscovering her inner strength and knowing that, with support, she could navigate any challenge.

Imani’s story is a testament to the fact that while a diagnosis can explain your symptoms, it does not define your future. You can use your struggles as fuel to build a life of purpose and pride. With the right tools and a supportive community, you can find the courage to move forward, one small step at a time.

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How Zac Clark Found Addiction Recovery: 7 Lessons from a Journey of Hope

In the landscape of addiction and recovery, few stories resonate with as much raw honesty and hope as that of Zac Clark. Known as a mental health advocate, entrepreneur, and the founder of Release Recovery, Clark’s journey from struggling with substance use to becoming a beacon of purpose-driven leadership is a powerful reminder that recovery is possible.

His story, shared on the Recoverycast podcast with host Brittani Baynard, delves into the complexities of childhood, the insidious nature of addiction, and the resilience required to build a new life. As Clark himself states, “I think when I tell my story, what I want to give people is permission to ask for help and permission to be curious about the way they’re living and if there’s an easier, softer way to live.” This permission, he believes, is where “miracles start to happen.”

At its core, Clark’s narrative is a testament to the idea that recovery isn’t just about sobriety; it’s about rebuilding a life from the ground up, one day at a time. It’s a message that extends beyond the confines of substance use, reaching anyone grappling with a struggle and searching for a way forward.

1. A Childhood of Unnoticed Traumas

Growing up, Clark’s childhood appeared idyllic—the classic “white picket fence” scenario. He describes a loving family and a supportive environment, yet as he reflects on his past, he uncovers a more nuanced reality. His perspective is shaped by a deeper understanding of trauma, which he defines as “something that happened to you that shouldn’t have, or something that hasn’t happened to you that should have.” While he didn’t experience overt abuse or neglect, he began to recognize the subtle patterns that shaped his adult behaviors.

Specifically, he noticed how his parents’ dedication—his father working tirelessly and his mother always putting herself last—influenced him. He adopted his mother’s self-sacrificing nature, often running around “trying to help everyone in the room and forget[ting] about myself,” a behavior that eventually led to his own exhaustion and burnout. These early experiences, though seemingly benign at the time, laid the groundwork for a pattern of seeking external validation and neglecting his own needs, a common thread in many addiction stories.

Explore trauma treatment centers.

2. The Unseen Seeds of Addiction

Clark’s journey with substances didn’t begin with a dramatic rock-bottom moment. Instead, it started subtly, with behaviors that provided a small hit of dopamine. He recalls playing video games for hours or practicing basketball until he made a certain number of shots, chasing that feel-good sensation. These were not considered dangerous behaviors, but they were early signs of a brain wired to seek external rewards.

His first experience with alcohol in seventh or eighth grade wasn’t a wild, blackout moment. It was much more insidious. He had a few drinks, went home, and lied to his parents about what he was doing. The lie, and getting away with it, gave him a sense of control and a blueprint for future behavior. “For the next 15 years,” he explains, “I knew that I could manipulate and lie [about] certain situations [to] the people closest to me.” This pattern of deception became as central to his addiction as the substances themselves, highlighting a key aspect of addiction that often goes unaddressed: the manipulation and secrecy that isolate the individual from their support system.

3. A Life-Altering Diagnosis: The Brain Tumor

A pivotal moment in Clark’s story occurred in 2007 when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Despite his family’s concerns that his symptoms were a result of his drinking, he had an intuition that something more was wrong. The diagnosis and subsequent emergency surgery at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital were sudden and traumatic. However, instead of serving as a wake-up call, the experience became a new gateway for addiction.

Following the surgery, he was prescribed Dilaudid and morphine to manage the intense pain. As he recovered, he realized with chilling clarity that his first thought was not about his health or the new lease on life he had been given, but about getting out of the hospital so he could drink again. This moment was his first realization that he had a substance use issue, as he was physically separated from alcohol for the first time.

The pain medication, combined with his existing predisposition, cemented a new path for his addiction. He found himself telling himself, as many people do, that he needed the pills to function, even after the initial physical pain had subsided, a sentiment echoed in many stories of the opioid crisis.

Explore prescription pill addiction treatment options.

4. From Prescription Pills to Heroin: The Progression of Addiction

After his prescribed painkillers ran out, Clark’s self-deception continued. He began buying pills illegally, a sign that the addiction had taken hold. He was a “walking science project,” a mix of uppers and downers that allowed him to get through the day while maintaining the facade of a successful young man. He was still showing up to work and getting things done, but the cost was astronomical.

“I was a freight train,” he said, “I was able to show up. I was able to get things done. But, but at the end of the day, if I didn’t have my thing, I, if I didn’t have my fix, it’s not gonna come crumbling down. I’m just gonna, you know, I’m gonna feel like garbage and then I’m gonna have to work even harder the next day to try and figure it out.” The tolerance he built eventually made prescription pills less effective, leading him to a desperate and devastating choice: heroin. He explains that for many, heroin becomes the logical next step because it is “cheaper and it’s just as effective.” His descent was rapid and total, a powerful example of how the disease of addiction progresses from one substance to the next, with increasing intensity.

Explore heroin addiction treatment centers.

5. The Family’s Struggle: An Invisible Battle

Throughout his active addiction, Clark’s family was left in a state of confusion and worry. He explains that his parents, like most, simply didn’t have a playbook for this situation. They knew something was wrong, but they couldn’t pinpoint that it was a substance use disorder. A parent’s first instinct, he notes, is not to suspect addiction, but to worry about other issues like mental health, physical ailments, or relationship problems. This is a common struggle for families. They want to believe their loved ones and they struggle with the guilt and shame that come with realizing they missed the signs.

Clark, now an advocate who works with families through his organization, Release Recovery, understands this deeply. He says it’s important to remember that families are not to blame. “That’s putting way too much pressure” on them. This is a topic explored by many organizations that offer family support in addiction recovery, such as Al-Anon, which provides resources and meetings for the friends and family members of alcoholics.

6. The First Attempt at Treatment and the Relapse

Clark’s first foray into recovery was an unplanned, desperate walk-in to a treatment center in South Jersey. He had been outed by a friend, and a confrontation with his mother led him to admit he needed help. His 28-day stay was a mixed bag. While the experience planted the seeds of recovery by exposing him to therapy and 12-step programs, it also exposed him to new dangers. “I went to treatment the first time and learned about heroin,” he reveals, underscoring the reality that treatment can sometimes be a place where individuals are exposed to more severe substance use.

After leaving treatment, he was given an aftercare plan, but he wasn’t ready to fully commit. He tried to moderate, believing he could just drink and not use drugs. It was a common and dangerous experiment for many in early recovery. The relapse was swift and brutal. Within a short time, a single pint of vodka led him back to the streets of Camden, New Jersey, to buy heroin. The speed of his return to active addiction illustrates the powerful nature of the disease and the critical importance of a committed recovery plan.

7. A New Beginning: The Journey to True Recovery

This second relapse was the beginning of Clark’s lowest point. His life became a blur of substance use, deceit, and desperation. He was no longer living; he was “just waiting to die.” He finally reached a point where he stole one of his father’s checks, and as he tried to cash it, a bank teller intervened, calling his father and holding him there until he arrived. This moment, which he recounts at the start of the podcast, was his final wake-up call. “My dad walked in and I saw him…He got to me and he’s just like, he put his arm, my arm, and he’s like, son, we’re going home.”

This moment of grace and intervention marked the start of his true recovery journey. Clark’s story reminds us that recovery is not a linear process. It is often filled with relapses, mistakes, and painful lessons. His journey highlights the importance of asking for help, recognizing the subtle traumas of our past, and understanding that addiction affects not just the individual, but everyone around them. Today, through his work at Release Recovery, he helps others find their own path to an “easier, softer way to live,” offering hope and a powerful example of what is possible on the other side of addiction.

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