Tag: Trauma

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25 Inspiring Quotes for Veteran’s Day

Veteran’s Day is a time to honor and celebrate the courage, sacrifice, and dedication of our military veterans. It’s a moment to pause and reflect on the freedoms we enjoy and the extraordinary individuals who have served to protect them.

Words have a unique power to connect, uplift, and inspire. On this day, we use them to express our deepest gratitude for the sacrifices made by veterans and their families. Through heartfelt quotes and messages, we aim to convey the appreciation they deserve for their selfless service and enduring commitment.

Join us in honoring these heroes by sharing words of gratitude that celebrate their unwavering bravery and dedication to our nation.

25 Inspiring Quotes for Veteran’s Day

Quotes about Honor and Sacrifice

#1: “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.” — Joseph Campbell

#2: “We don’t know them all, but we owe them all.” — Unknown

#3: “This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.” — Elmer Davis

#4: “On this Veteran’s Day, let us remember the service of our veterans and let us renew our national promise to fulfill our sacred obligations to our veterans and their families.” — Dan Lipinski

Quotes about Courage and Bravery

#5: “Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die.” — G.K. Chesterton

#6: “Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.” — Franklin P. Jones

#7: “Never was so much owed by so many to so few.” — Winston Churchill

#8: “How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!” — Maya Angelou

Quotes of Gratitude for Veterans

#9: “To be free is the most wonderful thing in the world, but it comes at a great cost. Thank you, veterans, for paying that price.” — Unknown

#10: “In the face of impossible odds, people who love this country can change it.” — Barack Obama

#11: “The willingness of America’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.” — Jeff Miller

#12: “Veterans are a symbol of what makes our nation great, and we must never forget all they have done to ensure our freedom.” — Rodney Frelinghuysen

Quotes from Veterans Themselves

#13: “The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” — G.K. Chesterton

#14: “America’s veterans embody the ideals upon which America was founded more than 229 years ago.” — Steve Buyer

#15: “Some people live an entire lifetime and wonder if they have ever made a difference in the world. A veteran doesn’t have that problem.” — Ronald Reagan

#16: “I have long believed that sacrifice is the pinnacle of patriotism.” — Bob Riley

Famous Historical Quotes for Veterans

#17: “The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.” — Abraham Lincoln

#18: “Freedom is never free.” — Unknown

#19: “In war, there are no unwounded soldiers.” — José Narosky

#20: “My heroes are those who risk their lives every day to protect our world and make it a better place—police, firefighters, and members of our armed forces.” — Sidney Sheldon

Modern Quotes for Veteran’s Day 2024

#21: “Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause.” — Abraham Lincoln

#22: “A veteran is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to ‘The United States of America’ for an amount of ‘up to and including their life.'” — Unknown

#23: “To our men and women in uniform, past, present, and future, God bless you and thank you.” — Anonymous

#24: “For it is the veteran, not the preacher, who has given us freedom of religion. It is the veteran, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.” — Unknown

#25: “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” — John F. Kennedy

How to Use These Quotes on Veteran’s Day

Sharing on Social Media

Veteran’s Day is an opportunity for all of us to come together and show our appreciation for the incredible sacrifices made by veterans. Sharing a heartfelt message or a meaningful quote is a simple but powerful way to honor their service. Consider taking a moment to reflect on what veterans’ sacrifices mean to you personally, and share those thoughts with others. Whether it’s through a conversation, a handwritten note, or a post on social media, your words can make a difference.

You can encourage others to join in by tagging veterans you know, thanking them directly, or highlighting the importance of their contributions. Using hashtags like #VeteransDay2024 and #ThankYouVeterans can help connect your message to a larger community of gratitude. 

More than anything, let your voice be a part of the collective recognition and support for those who have served. Your words of appreciation, no matter how small, have the power to remind veterans that their sacrifices are seen, valued, and deeply respected.

Including in Speeches or Letters

Veteran’s Day quotes hold the power to deepen our expressions of gratitude and honor for those who have served. Whether used in speeches, public ceremonies, or personal letters, they help us articulate the profound respect we feel for veterans’ sacrifices and dedication. 

In a speech, a well-chosen quote can set the tone or leave a lasting impression, highlighting the significance of their service. At public ceremonies, including a quote during a moment of silence or tribute, such as a flag-raising, adds depth and solemnity to the occasion. Personalized letters gain even greater meaning with a thoughtful quote that frames your message of thanks. In group gatherings, sharing a quote during a toast, prayer, or discussion encourages reflection on veterans’ contributions and sacrifices. 

However they are used, these quotes serve as a powerful connection to the enduring legacy of our nation’s heroes, ensuring their service is remembered and honored.

Creating Veteran’s Day Cards

Creating Veteran’s Day cards with meaningful quotes is a powerful way to honor the sacrifices and service of our veterans. These cards serve as a personal gesture of gratitude, showing veterans that their efforts and dedication are recognized and deeply appreciated. Including a meaningful quote alongside a heartfelt message allows you to convey your respect and admiration in a thoughtful way. Reminding veterans that their service has made a lasting impact and that their sacrifices are valued, offering them a tangible reminder of the gratitude felt by those they have served.

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How Traumatic Invalidation Leads to Personality Disorders

Invalidation takes many forms, from obvious “I don’t believe you”s to more subtle reactions, like not listening or telling you how your experience should feel. When someone doesn’t accept or believe your experiences and emotions, it invalidates them and can lead to numerous psychological effects, including personality disorders.

Invalidation that extends over a long period of time with intensity is considered traumatic, as it alters your perception of self and others. Traumatic invalidation often occurs in childhood from caregivers, and its effects can last well into adulthood.

But you can learn how to validate your experiences and heal from the results of traumatic invalidation, one day at a time.

Understanding Traumatic Invalidation

Traumatic invalidation stems from intentional or unintentional emotional abuse, most often in childhood1. It happens when a parent or other caregiver repeatedly invalidates their child’s experiences or emotions. This can happen from childhood into adulthood, depending on if the parent or caregiver recognizes and wants to change their behavior. A few examples of traumatic invalidation include:

  • A parent acting disgusted or disappointed when their child cries or shows emotion. The parent makes it known their response isn’t valid or acceptable.
  • Minimizing someone’s negative experiences by saying, “It could be worse,” “At least it’s not…” or challenging it with something they went through that they believe is worse.
  • Berating and name-calling, like “You’re being such a baby about this.”
  • Villianizing emotions and sadness by saying “You’re always crying” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  • Facial expressions, purposeful ignoring, and body language can be more subtle forms of invalidation, but equally hurtful.

Why Do People Do It?

Many people don’t intend to invalidate someone’s feelings and experiences. For parents especially, they may do it by accident since they don’t know how else to communicate or have their emotional availability lowered due to a mental health condition or stressor. But its effects remain regardless of intent.

Some parents, friends, or romantic partners may use traumatic invalidation as a means of control and harm. For instance, they might be the abuser themselves, dismissing or denying the victim’s experiences to prevent them from seeking help or breaking free from their influence. This form of invalidation not only erodes self-esteem but also creates doubt about your reality, making it harder to recognize the abuse and reach out for support.

Traumatic invalidation can also stem from racism and prejudice towards minorities2, like LGBTQ+ people, women, and people of color. These groups are less likely to have their experiences and perceptions believed. This can lead to microaggressions and ongoing stress for minorities.

Connection to Personality Disorders

Traumatic invalidation has been connected most strongly to borderline personality disorder (BPD)3. This means children who experience traumatic invalidation were found more likely to develop BPD, plus other cluster B personality disorders. Here’s a quick overview of those and BPD:

  • BPD’s symptoms4 include an intense fear of abandonment and efforts to prevent it, uncontrollable emotions, unstable relationships, and suicidality. Someone with BPD fluctuates from extreme emotions and seeing people as all good or all bad, which can start and end relationships quickly.
  • Narcissistic personality disorder’s (NPD) symptoms5 include entitlement, lack of empathy, grandiosity, and a need for excessive and constant admiration. Someone with NPD struggles to function if they’re not the center of attention, as their sense of self-worth depends on it.
  • Antisocial personality disorder’s (APD) symptoms6 include lying to, manipulating, or harming others for personal gain or pleasure without remorse. Someone with APD is generally prone to violence and criminal behavior. 

Other personality disorders fall into clusters B, C, and A7. Cluster C includes anxious personalities and cluster A includes eccentric, like schizotypal. Traumatic invalidation generally correlates to cluster B.

Traumatic Invalidation as the Starting Point

Not every case of BPD or other personality disorder starts with traumatic invalidation, but it often does. BPD in particular, while it doesn’t have a primary cause, often stems from emotional instability in childhood. This could include traumatic invalidation, emotional abuse, and other traumas, like physical or sexual abuse.

Traumatic invalidation can lead to low self-worth, an unstable sense of self, and difficulties with forming and maintaining relationships. These effects can form the blocks of a personality disorder like BPD.

Traumatic invalidation often happens in childhood. Similarly, personality disorders typically develop in adolescence, showing more prominently after age 18. Signs of traumatic invalidation may first show through symptoms of a personality disorder in later teen years.

Psychological Mechanisms at Play

Repeated invalidation can cause critical damage to self esteem and personal identity. To cope with the confusion, shame, and disorientation caused by a parent or caregiver dismissing emotions and experiences, someone may use substances. This can numb emotions and connect people to others who use substances, giving them a sense of belonging and community lacked in childhood. 

Similarly, teens may engage in a sport, art form, or academic perfection to find another source of validation and support. While the activity itself may not be harmful, reliance on it can damage their sense of self and self-worth.

The Rocky Road of Relationships

Traumatic invalidation can make relationships, romantic or otherwise, a confusing and daunting experience. Difficulty with relationships is a hallmark of personality disorders8 like BPD, too. 

After traumatic invalidation, someone may intensely pursue relationships and use them to dictate their identity. Or, they may avoid relationships since that’s what caused them harm as a child—people can seem unreliable, mean, and untrustworthy after traumatic invalidation. Unstable relationships can deepen their sense of invalidation and further shroud their sense of self. 

Treatment and Therapeutic Approaches

Professional treatment can heal the effects of traumatic invalidation by reshaping how someone views themselves and their emotions. Therapy can re-validate someone’s experiences and feelings, helping old wounds heal and their true identity come to light. 

For example, a therapist trained in healing traumatic invalidation can help their client realize

  • Their emotions, past and present, are real, valid, and important. And then, how does that change how they feel about themselves?
  • What happened wasn’t okay or deserved. But healing is.
  • They don’t need other people to decide how they feel and what they’re allowed to feel. 
  • They can challenge others’ perceptions and feelings with truths about themselves.

Treating traumatic invalidation can also address a personality disorder. Those with personality disorders often stay in treatment throughout the ups and downs of their life, learning how to navigate their symptoms and develop the skills needed to maintain positive relationships. Their therapist may use dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) which was specifically developed for BPD; it helps people shift from black-and-white thinking and regulate their emotions before they harm themselves or others.

Preventing Traumatic Invalidation: Countering with Truth

As an adult, you have the opportunity to challenge invalidation from your parents or other sources, like friends, partners, or other family members. Their opinions and reactions don’t define you or what you experience. 

If you sense someone is trying, purposefully or not, to invalidate you, you can challenge the feeling either to yourself or out loud in conversation. Here’s what you can reflect on:

  • Is this coming as helpful feedback to offer me perspective, or to minimize my experience and emotions?
  • What gives this person the authority to challenge my experiences?
  • If they have a different perspective, are they leaving room for what I believe is true and treating my emotions with respect?

Conversation Examples

This is how using this truth-focused approach in a conversation could go:

  1. “That’s not at all what happened. She wasn’t trying to say that; you shouldn’t have got so upset.”

“It’s what I experienced, and how the experience made me feel.”

  1. “You’re taking this too seriously. If you just tried to relax more or calm down you wouldn’t feel like this.”

“No, this is how I feel and it’s okay to feel it. My experience was upsetting to me.”  

  1. “That’s not true. You should have done _____.”

“Since you weren’t there and haven’t experienced this yourself, I’ll believe my truth.”

Healing With Support and Community

Traumatic invalidation effects don’t last forever; nor do personality disorders with proper treatment. You can learn to validate your experiences, feel secure in how you feel, and use your community to gain new perspectives—delivered with respect. 
As iron sharpens iron, so you and your peers can learn and heal together. Using Recovery.com you can also find a rehab for personality disorders and compare prices, locations, amenities, and more.

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Unravelling Risk Factors and Strategies for Prevention of Mental Illnesses

Within the global health landscape, the prevalence of Substance Use Disorders (SUDs) and mental illnesses is quite significant. Data reveals that almost 1 in 4 adults have experienced a mental illness in the past year. Approximately 60% of the population1 consumed tobacco products, consumed alcohol, or used illicit drugs in the past month in the US. 

The rising prevalence of substance use is a concerning trend, as it often escalates into Substance Use Disorders (SUDs) and other mental illnesses. Excessive substance use can lead to a range of problems, from deteriorating physical and mental health to strained family relationships. This escalation can result in various challenges, including financial issues, legal troubles, and decreased academic or professional performance.

Prevention refers to strategies and measures aimed at stopping or mitigating the initiation and escalation of substance use. Proactively addressing these concerns is crucial. By implementing prevention efforts, individuals and communities can work together to create environments that deter substance use.

Levels of Prevention

Prevention involves taking action and adopting strategies to avoid or reduce the development of mental health problems. It aims to promote well-being and create conditions that support mental health, ultimately preventing or minimising the occurrence of mental illnesses. 

Prevention can be done at different stages. Primary prevention works before the illness starts, while secondary and tertiary prevention focuses on dealing with the illness after it has begun.

Level 1: Primary Prevention – Stopping Mental Illness Before It Starts

Primary prevention involves actions and strategies that aim to prevent the initial occurrence of a health issue or condition before it develops. In the context of mental health, primary prevention focuses on addressing risk factors and promoting protective factors to stop mental health problems from emerging. 

It includes interventions designed to create supportive environments, enhance resilience, and reduce exposure to factors that may contribute to the development of mental illnesses. Primary prevention is proactive, aiming to build a foundation of mental well-being and resilience in individuals and communities.

Level 2: Secondary Prevention – Early Intervention for Emerging Issues

Secondary prevention involves efforts to detect and address a health issue at an early stage, especially after it has already begun but before it becomes more severe or leads to complications. In the context of mental health, secondary prevention focuses on identifying and intervening with individuals who may show early signs of mental health challenges.

By recognising and addressing problems in their early stages, secondary prevention plays a crucial role in minimising the impact of mental health challenges. It provides an opportunity for timely support, interventions, and resources to enhance overall well-being and prevent the exacerbation of mental health issues.

Level 3: Tertiary Prevention – Rehabilitating and Preventing Relapse

Tertiary prevention involves efforts to manage and minimise the impact of an existing health issue, especially one that has already reached a more advanced or chronic stage. In the context of mental health, tertiary prevention focuses on rehabilitation and preventing the recurrence of mental health problems.

It includes interventions designed to support individuals who have experienced mental health challenges, aiding in their recovery and implementing strategies to prevent further complications or relapses. Tertiary prevention aims to enhance the overall quality of life and well-being of individuals already dealing with mental health issues.

Risk Reduction as a Preventive Measure

The risk reduction approach is a systematic and proactive strategy aimed at minimizing the likelihood or impact of potential harm in various aspects of life. This method involves identifying potential risks, analysing their causes and consequences, and implementing targeted measures to mitigate or eliminate them.

For example, common risk factors of cardiovascular issues include unhealthy eating habits, lack of physical activity, and excessive consumption of processed foods high in saturated fats. To mitigate these risks, individuals can adopt a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, engage in regular physical activity, and limit the intake of processed foods. These proactive measures work to manage weight, regulate cholesterol levels, and improve overall cardiovascular health, reducing the likelihood of heart-related problems.

To understand this in the context of mental health, consider the example of stress management. Chronic stress is a recognised risk factor for mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. To mitigate this risk, individuals can implement stress reduction techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or engaging in activities that bring relaxation. By proactively managing stress, individuals decrease its potential negative effects on mental well-being, fostering resilience and reducing the risk of developing mental health issues.

Common Risk Factors of Mental Illness and Substance Use Disorders

With an understanding of how risk reduction plays a role in preventing mental illnesses, let’s delve into the common risk factors associated with mental health challenges. In the following section, we will examine how these factors might be effectively addressed both at the community and personal levels.

The Interplay of Genetics

Genetics plays a significant role in shaping an individual’s vulnerability to both mental illness and SUDs. Certain genetic factors may predispose someone to a higher risk of developing conditions such as depression, anxiety, or addiction.

Although we have limited control over genetics, understanding family history can pinpoint a vulnerable population, offering valuable insights for targeted interventions. If substance use disorders or other mental illnesses are prevalent in your family, it may indicate a heightened risk for you.

Environmental Influences

Environmental factors, encompassing early life experiences, trauma, and living conditions, contribute significantly to the risk of mental health challenges and substance use. 

  • Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs): Stressful or traumatic events during childhood such as physical, emotional or sexual abuse, can serve as catalysts2 for both mental illness and SUDs. 
  • Parenting Practices: Harsh parenting and physical punishment during childhood have been shown to undermine child well-being. 
  • Bullying: Bullying stands out as a primary risk factor for mental health issues. 
  • Socio-economic Factors: Lower education, unstable employment, and financial stress were associated with a higher risk of depression.

Coping Mechanisms and Stress

Individuals facing chronic stress or lacking effective coping mechanisms may be at a higher risk of both mental illness and substance use. Substance use can sometimes emerge as a maladaptive coping strategy, further exacerbating mental health challenges.

Substance Use

Excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, and marijuana use were identified as risk factors for depression. In India, 17% of children aged 13 to 15 years reported consuming alcohol3. These figures emphasise the vulnerability of the younger population, demanding a focused approach to prevention and support. 

Children whose parents use substances may face an elevated risk2 of developing a mental illness or substance use disorder. The environment in which children grow plays a critical role in their overall well-being. When parents engage in substance use, it introduces a complex set of factors that can impact their children’s mental health.

Childhood Symptoms of Depression

Childhood mental illness notably predicts adult mental health issues. The onset of many mental illnesses often occurs during adolescence. Timely identification during this crucial stage can significantly improve the prognosis and outcomes for individuals.

This list is not exhaustive, and various other risk factors contribute to mental illnesses. Research indicates that mental illnesses are at least partially preventable4. In the following section, let’s explore strategies to mitigate or manage these risk factors, aiming to decrease the likelihood of adult mental illness and substance use disorders.

Strategies to prevent mental illnesses and substance use disorders

Preventing mental illness necessitates coordinated actions both at the policy level and the individual level. The “Origins of Adult Mental Illness” (OrigAMI) model4 provides a structured approach to crafting a prevention program. The initial step is to identify modifiable risk factors, followed by the identification of vulnerable populations, such as children displaying early signs of mental illness. Subsequent steps entail determining effective intervention techniques and establishing a suitable workforce. 

In low to middle-income countries, task shifting may be essential, involving the collaboration of teachers, counsellors, parents, and volunteers. The final step involves a thorough policy analysis, ensuring that prevention efforts are integrated into broader healthcare policies for comprehensive and sustainable impact.

At the community level, schools and colleges play a pivotal role in fostering mental health awareness. Implementing intervention programs within these settings, where children and parents are easily accessible, can significantly contribute to preventive efforts. Equipping young individuals with healthy coping techniques early on is crucial for enhancing stress management skills. Integrating fundamental mental health education into the school curriculum ensures that children receive essential knowledge from an early age.

Beyond academics, educating children and adolescents about the potential effects of substance use is imperative. Workshops for new parents can serve as valuable platforms for learning about children’s needs and promoting healthy communication and parenting practices. Educational institutes should establish and strictly enforce protocols against bullying, recognizing that both the bullied and the bully may exhibit signs of psychological distress that require appropriate counseling.

Additionally, to curb substance use among adolescents, it is essential to limit advertisements and ensure restricted access to substances like cigarettes and alcohol. By adopting these comprehensive measures within educational institutions, communities can create environments that prioritize mental well-being, resilience, and healthy interpersonal dynamics.

Empowering Yourself for Mental Health And Wellbeing

Empowering yourself with knowledge and practical measures can significantly contribute to overall well-being. Here are a few things you can try to incorporate: 

  • Maintain a healthy lifestyle: Poor overall health is also a risk factor for poor mental health. Prioritize regular physical activity, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep to support overall well-being. 
  • Stress management techniques: Chronic stress is a common trigger to anxiety and depression. Learn and practice stress-reducing activities such as mindfulness, meditation, or deep breathing exercises.
  • Build a support system: Cultivate strong social connections with friends and family, fostering a support network for challenging times.
  • Seek professional help when needed: Don’t hesitate to consult mental health professionals if experiencing persistent emotional challenges. Seeking help early on can reduce the impact on daily functioning and improve prognosis.
  • Limit substance use: Be mindful of alcohol, tobacco, and drug consumption, keeping it within recommended limits to prevent substance use disorders. Substance use can put you and your loved ones mental wellbeing at risk. 
  • Educate yourself: Stay informed about mental health, substance use, and their potential risks to make informed lifestyle choices.
  • Mindful parenting: For parents, focus on creating a supportive and nurturing environment for children, fostering positive mental health from a young age.
  • Educate children on substance use: Initiate open and honest discussions with your children about the harmful effects of substance use. Provide them with accurate information, emphasizing the potential risks and consequences associated with alcohol, tobacco, and drug consumption.
  • Bullying awareness and action: Be vigilant for signs of bullying and engage in open conversations with your children about their experiences. If your child is facing bullying, take proactive steps by communicating with the school, teachers, or relevant authorities to address the issue promptly.
  • Educate others: Share knowledge and awareness about mental health and substance use disorders to contribute to a more informed and supportive community.

In closing, it’s essential to recognize that mental illnesses and substance use disorders are preventable to some extent through proactive measures and informed choices. Education plays a pivotal role in this prevention journey – empowering yourself and your loved ones with knowledge about risk factors, early signs, and effective preventive strategies. Additionally, embracing a culture of seeking professional help when needed fosters a supportive environment for overall well-being. Let’s prioritize mental health, advocate for awareness, and foster a community where wellbeing is a shared priority.

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Does a Good Therapeutic Relationship Matter in Therapy?

Effective therapists possess empathy, compassion, and trustworthiness that make them seem like superhuman healers. Those who find a good therapist often stay with them for years, which can strengthen their overall healing process and improve their resiliency. 

Building a rapport and sense of trust with your therapist can encourage you to share freely and feel safe doing so. This is crucial—if you’re going to therapy but don’t feel comfortable talking to them, you won’t reap the same benefits.

Many therapists encourage you to stay open-minded to the idea of switching therapists, so you can find your best fit. But how do you know what a ‘good fit’ is? And does it really matter?

Defining The Therapeutic Relationship

Therapeutic relationships1 build off mutual engagement, collaboration, and the bond patients and therapists form. Much of therapy’s success comes from this relationship, even more so than the type of therapy used and the therapist’s specific training. This positive effect exists in both medical and psychological treatment, and improves outcomes in both2.

The therapeutic relationship starts to form at your very first session. It can strengthen with each session2 as you and your therapist set goals, collaborate, and form a space you feel safe in. 

Benefits and Examples of a Positive Therapeutic Relationship

Ultimately, positive therapeutic relationships link to treatment success2 and healing. You’re more likely to continue with treatment and feel hopeful for change if your therapist makes you feel understood, safe, and an important part of the treatment process. 

Setting goals together and working to achieve them teaches practical skills for navigating future problems and concerns—without relying on advice from a therapist. This grows your agency and sense of self-efficacy, bolstering your hope and overall well-being. 

Here’s how a positive therapeutic relationship could look in practice:

  • You reach your first therapy appointment, nervous and unsure of how it’ll go. The therapist notes your discomfort and immediately works to reverse it: smiling, welcoming you, and introducing themselves. They ask questions about yourself and what brought you to therapy, listening attentively and engaging in the conversation with their body language and expressions. You feel cared for and safe, and start opening up more. Based on your first or second session, your therapist outlines a few goals you’ll work on together and asks you how they sound. You feel like a collaborative part of your treatment, which makes you want to engage more. 

Effects and Examples of a Negative Therapeutic Relationship

A negative therapeutic relationship can disrupt treatment and reinforce stigma about therapy and mental illness as a whole. You may feel uncomfortable, shamed, and belittled with a therapist that isn’t the right fit for you. But if that happens, don’t worry; you can always switch therapists. A therapist who isn’t the right fit for you could be perfect for someone else, and vice-versa. 

An example of an unhelpful therapeutic relationship could look something like this:

  • You go to your first session with the new therapist. Right away, they don’t exude compassion or much interest in you and your issues. You start to feel uncomfortable, and don’t trust them with your pain. They ask a few questions about yourself and why you’re there, but other than that, you feel pressured to fill the silence. They suggest modifications and changes to your behavior in a way that makes you feel diminished and a little embarrassed. You leave and cancel your next appointment.

How Therapists Can Foster a Good Relationship

Some people come to therapy with past misconceptions, shame, and nervousness. Therapists can alleviate these anxieties through the way they treat their patients and how they treat the act of getting help. 

For example, a kind, empathetic, and patient therapist can soothe initial nerves and validate their patient’s desire for getting help. They can express gratitude for their patient seeking care, and for trusting them with their emotions and struggles. These efforts connect the therapist and patient as humans, which can spark an immediate, positive affect on their relationship.

Aspects like these are key to forming a positive therapeutic relationship: 

  1. Listening without interrupting
  2. Validating fears and emotions
  3. Compassion
  4. Identifying and setting goals together
  5. Communicating regularly about your sessions and how they’re going

How You Can Contribute

A good therapeutic relationship takes effort on both sides, just like other relationships. Here’s what you can do (if and when you feel comfortable):

  1. Recognize your therapist can’t, and shouldn’t, think for you
  2. Engage in the goals you work on and any homework they may give you
  3. Communicate as openly as you feel comfortable
  4. Stay open-minded during your sessions
  5. Let your therapist know what is and isn’t working for you (they want to know!)

Signs You And Your Therapist Are a Good Fit

How you feel towards your therapist and the quality of your sessions can clue you into the nature of your connection. Do you enjoy talking to them? Do they make you feel safe and valued? Do you ever feel silly or foolish for opening up to them?

Reflect on your therapy itself too. Do you know what your treatment goals are, and has defining them been a collaborative process with your therapist? Do you feel like you’re making progress toward them? Do you feel hopeful in your recovery? 

Here are those questions laid out as boxes you can check to know if you’re a good fit:

  • You feel comfortable with your therapist.
  • You feel like they genuinely want to help and understand you.
  • You appreciate them as a person and feel appreciated in return.
  • You set clear goals and collaborate to meet them.
  • You feel hopeful and sense the tangible possibility of healing.

If you find you can’t check any of these boxes, or even feel the opposite, that’s a good sign you and your therapist aren’t the right fit. Remember, that’s okay. View any poor fits as a helpful learning experience that gets you closer to the right one. 

What to Do If Your Therapist Isn’t The Right Fit

First, know it’s acceptable and normal to not click with your therapist. Who you will feel comfortable with won’t be the same as your friends, or people in TV shows and movies. 

Therapists want you to feel comfortable and understood, and trying a new therapist is often one of the best ways to accomplish that. They’re used to it and don’t view it as a personal attack–not at all. People switch therapists for financial reasons, personal reasons, scheduling constraints, and much more.

Before you terminate your sessions, first have a conversation with your current therapist. You can bring up your concerns and what might make you feel more comfortable. For example, you might say you’re not seeing as much progress as you hoped and don’t feel like you’re learning coping strategies. You could also explain the behaviors or attitudes of your therapist that may make you less comfortable engaging in treatment. See what they say, and how they plan on addressing your concerns. 

You may find a solution and feel comfortable continuing services. If you don’t, here’s what you can do:

  1. Cancel any upcoming appointments with your current therapist.
  2. If you’re comfortable with it, explain that you’ll be leaving and looking for another therapist. Your current therapist can help connect you to other options. 
  3. Search for other therapists in your location or ones with online availability.
  4. Vet your new options for the qualities or treatment modalities you’d like to see after your first experience. Here’s 11 tips for finding the right therapist.
  5. Set up your first appointment; you can voice your concerns and preferences right away so your new therapist understands your past experience and treatment goals.

Empathy And Connection to Power Your Healing

In a good therapeutic relationship, you might feel like your therapist has superpowers. They help you see different perspectives, set personal goals, and feel–perhaps most importantly–that you and your experiences matter. You’ll ultimately learn to become your own therapist, navigating challenges and day-to-day life with new skills and coping strategies you learned in therapy.
Listen to our podcast episode to learn more about the therapeutic relationship and insights from renowned expert Dr. Donald Miechenbaum.

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A Journey to Wholeness: Rebuilding Safety and Trust with Trauma-Informed Care

We were thrilled to speak with Athena Phillips in our recent podcast episode. Athena is an experienced therapist and educator who specializes in trauma and dissociative disorders. Our enlightening conversation was led by our host, Dr. Malasri Chaudrey-Malgeri, Editor-in-Chief, and co-host Cliff McDonald, Chief Growth Officer.

Listen to Athena’s episode and hear from other guests here!

Background, Experience, and Passions

A history in behavioral health treatment inspired Athena Phillips’ pursuits as a therapist and her desire to spread resources, education, and support to address the global issue of trauma. Athena founded the Integrative Trauma Treatment Center (ITTC), created the education-focused Orenda Project, and co-founded a continuing education and community support platform, KALOS, for other mental health professionals. Athena also spent time in Rwanda, learning about their experiences and creating her Multicultural Trauma Training program there.

Her passion for progressive, culturally competent trauma treatment began during an internship at the Sexual Assault Resource Center. Athena worked with people with developmental disabilities for 15 years, then in private practice before opening the ITTC. Her facility meets an ongoing need for trauma-informed care and a progressive understanding of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and dissociative disorders.

Journey to Trauma Treatment and Findings Along The Way

Athena founded the Integrative Trauma Treatment Center (ITTC) in 2012, filling a large gap in trauma-informed care. She recognized patients with trauma, PTSD, and dissociative disorders weren’t often receiving the sensitive, trauma-informed care that made them feel safe in treatment and trusting of their providers and peers. Their sensitive setting and culturally competent staff create a unique space for healing. ITTC offers a unique array of therapies and services, including individual therapy, group therapy, Reiki, yoga, and more.

Athena and her coworkers traveled to Rwanda to learn more about their experiences with collective trauma and post-traumatic growth. There, Athena created and facilitated a trauma training program catered to their culture and community. Her time in Rwanda emphasized collective and culturally competent healing, which she integrates into her current practice and in continuing education opportunities. Athena says,

“So I really want to emphasize community as part of healing for humans, all humans, but even for clinicians…that was one of the key features that I pulled from Rwanda.”

Normalizing The Human Experience Through Group Work

As a trauma and dissociative disorders specialist, Athena strives to meet each patient where they’re at with their comfort levels, ability to share, and level of trust. Connecting on a human level, letting each patient know what they’ve experienced doesn’t separate them from others, can strengthen their recovery experience. Athena says,

“Even if our experience feels like a departure, we’re still interconnected on a really deep and unknown level….And it helps me continue to normalize the experience of those I’m working with.”

As Athena saw in Rwanda, community and group healing can be powerful tools in healing. They offer group therapy at ITTC to bring patients together, helping them see and hear they aren’t alone. She notes an environment of safety and trust is often required for those with trauma to feel comfortable in a group setting, but once patients feel comfortable, the benefits can go far beyond 1:1 therapy. Here’s another quote from her podcast episode:

“That’s like the foundation of attachment, right? That we need somebody to see us, to attune to us, to understand us and respond appropriately…. Expanding the number of hands and arms that are around us while we go through hard things is obviously going to create a different, a higher level, of support. So I really strongly believe in group work as being foundational to moving forward.”

Addressing Complex Cases with Compassion and Experience

Along with treating symptoms of trauma and complex PTSD, Athena also specializes in dissociative disorders and their relation to trauma. She helps patients navigate complex conditions like dissociative identity disorder (DID), which can develop after childhood trauma and adversity. Athena is almost complete with her education as a Doctor of Psychology, adding to her experience as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)/therapist. She continues to provide training and community for other healthcare professionals with KALOS, an education platform.

Early, accurate diagnoses of conditions like DID, other dissociative disorders, and PTSD can lower costs of treatment, speed up access to care, and improve a patient’s overall quality of life. Athena sees changes like this, and a reuniting to our human connectedness, as important pieces in improving lives and helping those with trauma feel seen in their healing.

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Dissociative Identity Disorder and Trauma: Coping and Healing

Have you ever driven home lost in thought, unaware of what you experienced during your drive? Not even sure if all the lights you passed were green? People often chalk that up as dissociation, which is true. It can feel a little freaky or odd, but it’s been normalized as something that happens to everyone. Someone living with dissociative identity disorder (DID) experiences a much different reality—severe dissociation, gaps in their memory, and new identities that develop.

Trauma can cause DID. Many experts have explored this connection, including Athena Phillips, who we spoke to in our recent podcast episode. You can listen to that here. 

What Is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)?

Dissociative identity disorder, once known as multiple personality disorder, describes someone with two or more separate, independent identities1 or ‘alters.’ People can have dozens of alters with their own habits, memories, and even genders. DID is one of several dissociative disorders1 marked by derealization, memory loss, distorted self-identity, and disruptions in consciousness. 

Each identity has their own view of the world and makes their own decisions2. Someone with DID may know about all their alters or just a few, especially ones that come out more often. Patients typically experience memory loss when various identities take over—alters aren’t usually aware of what the others are doing, and memory loss occurs as a result. For example, if an alter brings home a new vase, someone with DID may not recognize it later or know where it came from.

Each alter has their own first-person experience and forms memories based on what they see, feel, and think. Other alters and the true self aren’t usually able to retrieve these memories2, though many clinicians propose they could if they didn’t strongly believe they can’t. Believing they can access an alter’s memories could allow the true self or other alters to retrieve them.

Causes of DID

DID most often occurs as a response to trauma1, typically physical, sexual, or emotional abuse in childhood. The post-traumatic model of DID2 proposes that “​​dissociative identities are the primary results of early trauma and the relational, cognitive, emotional, and neurobiological consequences of it.” Children may unconsciously resort to dissociation and numerous personalities to both avoid and cope with traumatic memories.

Each alter develops as a disconnected, separate, autonomous subset of the self. Picture islands separated by deep waters instead of one town. The true self may travel to different islands depending on what their situation demands and memories that arise, often memories of severe trauma. Once the true self goes to an island, it becomes their whole reality and remains closed off from the other islands.

Clinicians and researchers have found trauma to be the leading and primarily identifiable cause of DID2, though some genetic dispositions, social influences, and personality traits could contribute to dissociation and someone’s inability to cope with stress. Someone who’s more likely to experience dissociation and struggle to deal with stress could be more likely to develop DID.

Diagnosing DID

Most people with DID don’t get an accurate diagnosis until later in life1 because DID has similar symptoms to other personality disorders, including amnesia, dissociation, and losing consciousness. Particularly, borderline personality disorder (BDP) shares similar symptoms, and like DID, patients often present as suicidal and engaging in self-harm. BPD patients also struggle with emotional regulation and dissociation. To meet diagnostic criteria for DID, experts say patients must present with these 4 factors1:

  1. The ability to dissociate
  2. Intense, overwhelming traumatic experiences 
  3. Alters with unique personalities, names, and memories
  4. Homelife instability

Children may cope with unstable homes and overwhelming trauma by self-soothing through dissociation and developing alters. Someone with DID also has altered brain structures3, usually the hippocampus and amygdala, which can affect memory and overall functioning. Looking at the brain can help doctors accurately diagnose DID and rule out other diagnoses. Observing patients also clues doctors into the personality shifts related to DID, as a few key physical signs often occur:

  • Eyes rolling
  • Fading into a trance-like state
  • Blinking or twitching eyes
  • Sudden posture changes

History of DID

Until 1994, DID was known as multiple personality disorder and not well understood3 or sympathized by the medical community. Its strong connection to trauma has recently become better known and understood, helping patients get the diagnosis and help they need.

Before it was recognized as a mental health condition, DID was thought to be the work of demonic possession1. Cultures outside North America were more likely to attribute symptoms to possession, while schizophrenia or psychosis incorrectly explained many symptoms in other cultures. Internal voices from other alters were explained as schizophrenia, which can have similarities.

How Trauma Can Lead to Dissociative Identity Disorder

Children or adults who experience more trauma and stress than they’re capable of dealing with can develop DID as a coping mechanism1. Their experience goes beyond what their mind can process and articulate, leading to dissociation as a way to escape and alternate identities to process a fractured sense of self. 

Certain alters may be more capable of dealing with the traumas experienced and come out when situations mimic the original trauma, or memories of the trauma arise. For example, a tough male alter may take over when a female with a history of assault feels uncomfortable around certain men. He comes out to protect her and deal with a situation she cannot. 

Dissociation as a Predictor of DID

Intense trauma can cause dissociation1, as seen in some cases of post-traumatic stress disorder. An out-of-body experience during an assault can be the brain’s effort at protection. Children who suffer repeated abuse or instability in their homes may regularly dissociate to protect themselves. Alters can eventually present during dissociation and take over general consciousness, leading to amnesia. 

Small Social Cues Can Trigger Shifts in Identity

Social cues can prompt small behavioral changes, triggering an alter to take over2 in someone with DID. As an example, picture a formal event. This requires professionalism and different social etiquette. Someone without DID could adapt to the situation by speaking more formally, standing straighter, and carrying themselves differently. But someone with DID may unknowingly shift to an alter identity that’s more poised and professional. Their true self may not remember the event or what they talked about if the alter takes over.

Treatment for DID and Trauma

Effective treatment addresses the symptoms of DID and its underlying trauma1. Clinicians often use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to treat DID, similar to other personality disorders. For DID patients specifically, hypnosis has been an effective option to reach alters and discuss their memories, views on the world, and life experiences. 

Therapy teaches patients with DID more about their condition, how to regulate their emotions, manage stress, and function in day-to-day life with their unique symptoms. Therapists work with the patient to glean memories from different alters and piece together underlying trauma so the true self and their alters can begin processing. As therapy brings more memories to light, they can become more readily accessed by different alters and the true self. 

Finally, therapy works to reunite the self1 and help patients with DID become more aware of their unified self and its relationship to the world they interact with. Reunifying their sense of self can reduce the number of alters, though therapeutic interventions often can’t merge them all. But with fewer alters, patients are more likely to remain as their true selves throughout various situations and potential triggers. 

EMDR and Hypnosis

Patients with DID respond well to hypnotherapy1 as they’re more receptive to hypnosis. In their hypnotized state, therapists may be able to talk to alters that traditionally stay hidden. These alters can be crucial to the healing process and help the therapist learn more about their patient, giving access to memories and experiences the true self and other alters may not know about.

EMDR uses guided eye movements to help patients process trauma4. Tracking an object back and forth offers a distraction and can make traumatic memories feel less intense, helping patients discuss and process them without shifting to an alter identity or becoming too uncomfortable. Not every patient with DID will feel comfortable accessing memories through EMDR, but for those who are, it can help unify their sense of self and manage symptoms.

Medications

Some medications, like antipsychotics and antidepressants, can manage symptoms of DID like suicidality, mood dysregulation, and improve self-harm behaviors. However, clinicians haven’t yet found a medication or combination of medications to treat DID1. More options may become available as they study and develop new medications. 

Optimized Care for DID Patients

A safe therapeutic environment and collaborative, compassionate care can help DID patients1 find the best treatment outcomes and stay in treatment. Therapists should also recognize and stay aware of alters not communicating what patients learn or discover in sessions. They’ll likely need to bring each alter forward to ensure they talk with them and identify their unique personalities. Building rapport and comfort also encourages alters to come out and speak with their therapist.

Life-Long Care

Patients with DID often stay in treatment their whole lives1 to receive ongoing grounding in their unified self, process trauma, and navigate stressors as they arise. In some cases, it can take years for the therapist to meet and identify each alter. A positive relationship between the patient and their therapist (and treatment team as a whole) is crucial in keeping them in treatment and creating a comfortable environment.

Identifying Alters

Therapists can aim to identify all alters, helping patients become more aware of them, their personalities, and what triggers them to arise. Once patients and their therapist know who’s all there, they can work on identifying their backgrounds and merging alters into one self identity. Therapists can bring alters ‘to the front’ using hypnosis or, if appropriate, mimicking a situation that would bring out a suspected alter. 

Compassionate, Personalized Care

Ultimately, therapists should adapt treatment to their patient by recognizing their comfort levels, assessing their trauma responses, and building a positive therapeutic relationship. Identifying alters and processing trauma shouldn’t come at the patient’s harm. The therapeutic relationship can determine which treatments may be most effective and comfortable for each patient, encouraging them to engage and participate throughout the course of treatment.

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How to Sleep Better: Tips for Restful Nights and Energized Mornings

Sleep is a fundamental aspect of human life. It affects us physically and mentally, impacting growth and stress hormones, our immune system, appetite, breathing, blood pressure, and cardiovascular health1. Good sleep can help these systems work properly. 

Sleep deficiency is linked to chronic health problems2, including heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, obesity, and depression. It’s also linked to a higher chance of injury in individuals of all ages3 because the body heals during sleep. 

A common myth is that people can adapt to little sleep without negative repercussions. Research shows that getting enough quality sleep at the proper times is vital for mental health, physical health, quality of life, and safety. Follow these tips to maximize your quality sleep.

Assessing Your Sleep Environment

As you embark on your restful journey, you can note your current sleep setup. Notice how much light comes into your room, what temperature feels most comfortable, if any noises are present throughout the night, and how many hours of sleep you average. 

Optimizing Your Bedroom for Sleep

Creating a sleep-friendly environment is essential for improving sleep quality and overall health. Some aspects to consider include:

Choosing the Right Mattress and Pillows

Selecting the right bedding can support good sleep posture and comfort. Visit a mattress store to see if you prefer a firmer or softer bed. Mattresses can be made of memory foam, innerspring, latex, or a hybrid of materials. Explain your sleep patterns to a store associate for help choosing.

Choosing pillows can be similar to choosing a mattress—some prefer firmer ones for extra neck support, while others need softer, thinner pillows. The right height and firmness align your head and neck with your spine. Side sleepers usually need a thicker, firmer pillow; back sleepers may prefer a medium thickness and firmness; stomach sleepers need a soft, low pillow.

Establishing a Sleep-Conducive Lifestyle

No matter your job and lifestyle, you can always prioritize sleep. Implementing sleep-positive habits can greatly improve all aspects of your life.

Regular Sleep Schedules

Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends, to regulate your body’s internal clock, also known as the circadian rhythm. This natural, internal process regulates the sleep-wake cycle and repeats roughly every 24 hours. Consistent sleep schedules can decrease mental and physical health risks9.

Daylight has the biggest influence on circadian rhythm10, but food intake, stress, physical activity, social environment, and temperature also affect it—this is why it’s vital to adjust your sleep environment to fit your sleep needs.

Diet and Sleep

Food is fuel for your body—physically and mentally. Healthy, well-rounded diets that include all food groups and minimize processed foods can promote sleep. Specifically, fruits, fatty fish, dairy, fiber-rich foods like beans and oatmeal, and certain protein sources with tryptophan, like turkey, are linked to good rest11. These foods have certain vitamins and nutrients that help regulate sleep and melatonin production. If you have dietary restrictions, you might find it beneficial to take vitamins such as magnesium, vitamin D, iron, and omega-3 fatty acids to support your sleep.

You’ll want to avoid saturated fats and refined carbohydrates close to bedtime, which are in most processed foods. Alcohol does not help your relax, and also disrupts your REM sleep cycles throughout the night, diminishing your quality of sleep.

Exercise and Sleep

Exercising can help you fall asleep faster and improve your sleep quality12. Physical activity increases the production of melatonin, a hormone that impacts sleep-wake cycles and reduces stress. This can help you feel more tired and fall asleep faster. 

Your physical activity doesn’t need to be intense to have the intended effect. Even 30 minutes of moderate daily activity can help you sleep longer and deeper. Choosing exercise you enjoy is the key to maintaining a routine and having positive sleep effects. Practices like yoga provide physical exercise and incorporate mindfulness, which can further improve sleep by lowering stress and promoting relaxation13.

Exercise releases endorphins, which keep your brain awake and energized, so physical activity should be done at least 2 hours prior to sleeping14. Going to bed after letting your core temperature cool down after exercise is also easier. 

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques for Better Sleep

Mindfulness focuses on breathing and bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future. Several practices can cultivate mindfulness, such as meditation, yoga, tai chi, and qigong. These techniques reduce stress and rumination, improve memory and focus15, and enhance rest13.

Meditation and Breathing Exercises

You can practice several mindfulness techniques as you wind down for bed. A core mindfulness element is using breath to guide your energy. Deepening and controlling your breath can help lower stress16 and help you relax for sleep. Try box breathing—this calming exercise allows you to stay mindfully present in your body.

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As you mindfully breathe, you can practice meditation. Some people find it useful to use guided meditations from videos or apps such as Headspace. You may visualize inhaling positive feelings and exhaling unhealthy thoughts. If your mind wanders, that’s okay, just come back to the present moment. 

You can also do a mindful body scan. Sitting in a comfortable position with eyes closed, begin to pay attention to your head, then your shoulders, then your arms down to the tips of your fingers. As you scan down your entire body, you’ll mindfully release any tension, preparing you for a relaxing sleep. 

Reducing Screen Time Before Bed

Blue light from phones, laptops, and tablets can greatly reduce sleep quality7. This light wavelength inhibits melatonin production, disrupting your sleep cycle. If you’re using any of these devices right before bed, you may find falling and staying asleep harder.

Try to minimize your blue light exposure before bed by doing other relaxing activities, such as reading a book, gentle yoga, and journaling. Many devices have settings that reduce blue light exposure in the evening hours. Apps are also available to adjust your screen’s color temperature based on the time of day.

Managing Stress for Better Sleep

Factors such as work and relationships can keep you up at night; however, using stress management skills can help you navigate these stressors.

One way to ease stress is by creating a time management system that works for you. You can begin effectively managing your responsibilities by taking inventory of where you invest your time and energy. List your priorities and how much of your time each receives. Can and should something change to put more energy into something else? Be honest with yourself and see what you can change for the better. 

Set up your schedule in advance using a physical or virtual calendar to block off time for your responsibilities. Get granular with this—instead of blocking off 2 hours for “errands,” put “45 minutes: haircut; 30 minutes: pick up office supplies; 45 minutes: pick up groceries.”

Writing can be therapeutic17, so journaling is a great outlet to work through stress. You may reflect on your day, goals, desires, or beliefs, whatever helps you unwind. You could answer prompts such as:

  1. Write about three things you were grateful for today. How did they impact your mood?
  2. List your accomplishments today, no matter how small. How do you feel about what you achieved?
  3. Reflect on any insights you gained today. How can these influence your future actions?
  4. Explore any strong emotions you felt today. What triggered these feelings, and how did you respond?
  5. What stressed you out today, and how did you manage it? Are there strategies you could improve on or try next time?

Navigating Sleep Challenges

For some, sleep can become a more significant issue. Research found that anywhere from 10%-60% of adults have some form of insomnia12, a common sleep disorder that can make it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep. Other sleep issues can also interfere with getting quality sleep, affecting physical and mental health. Fortunately, there are options for you to recover. 

Dealing with Insomnia

Insomnia can be treated through various methods, and people often find success through a combination of evidence-based and holistic approaches. Helpful lifestyle changes include maintaining a regular sleep schedule, exercising, and eating wholesome foods with nutrients like tryptophan and magnesium. However, sometimes healing requires more intensive methods.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-i) is the most effective non-pharmacological treatment for chronic insomnia18. You’ll work to change sleep habits and scheduling factors, as well as misconceptions about sleep and insomnia that exacerbate sleep difficulties. You may practice sleep restriction therapy, where you only lie in bed when asleep or very close to it, rather than lying in bed until you feel sleepy. 

Medically prescribed medications can help with more intense insomnia19. Your clinician may recommend benzodiazepine, melatonin, or orexin receptor agonists to provide more consistent sleep. Other medications, such as antidepressants with drowsy side effects, can also help with insomnia.

Addressing Other Sleep Disorders

Sleep apnea affects oxygen intake20 by stopping and starting breathing throughout the night. This can cause poor sleep quality and affect focus and mood throughout the day. Restless legs syndrome causes unpleasant or uncomfortable sensations in the legs21 and an irresistible urge to move them, which can also cause sleep disruptions.

If you have sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, or other sleep disorders, seek professional help if the sleep issues persist, cause significant distress, or impact your daily activities. Professional treatment can help if lifestyle changes and home remedies do not improve your symptoms.

You and your doctor will walk through your symptoms to create the most effective treatment plan for your needs. You can ask questions such as:

  1. What do you believe is the underlying cause of my sleep issues? Do I need additional therapy to work through these underlying causes?
  2. What are the benefits and side effects of my treatment options? Are there lifestyle changes I need to make to accommodate these side effects?
  3. How soon can I expect to see a positive change in my sleep?
  4. Should I see a sleep specialist?

Supplements and Sleep Aids

Using sleep supplements and over-the-counter (OTC) sleep aids can be tempting for those struggling with sleep issues, but it’s important to approach these solutions with caution. Your body has a system to regulate sleep, so adjusting this process could negatively impact it.

Sleep supplements and OTC sleep aids are found in many pharmacies and convenience stores, making them accessible. Sleep aids include antihistamines and natural supplements such as melatonin, valerian root, and magnesium, offering various options based on individual needs. They are generally effective in the short term, making them useful in a pinch. 

There is a risk of becoming dependent on sleep aids22, especially with frequent use. Additionally, side effects of these sleep aids can negatively impact the following day, contributing to daytime drowsiness, dizziness, blurred vision, dry mouth, and cognitive impairment.

In general, use caution when trying sleep supplements and OTC sleep aids. While they can be beneficial in managing short-term or occasional sleep problems, they are not typically recommended for long-term use. It’s crucial to address the root causes of sleep disruption and consult healthcare professionals to manage any issues safely.

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What Is Self-Harm and Why Is It Done?

*Trigger warning: This article includes details and discussions of self-harm.*

Self-harm is self-inflicted and harmful behavior done without the intent of death. Examples include cutting, burning, and bruising the skin. Picking at wounds and pulling hair may also be self-harm. 

Self-harm is often used to manage strong emotional pain, express intense emotions, and escape numbness. It’s not typically done to initiate suicide, but someone who self-harms is more likely to die by suicide1.

Understanding Self-Harm

Self-harm can be confusing and difficult to understand, whether you or a loved one do it. It can seem illogical—causing pain to escape the pain. Knowing the reasons behind it can help you support a loved one or learn more about how treatment can help you. 

Definitions and Forms of Self-Harm

Self-harm is defined as inflicting physical harm to yourself on purpose1. It’s more common in teens and women. Some people will only do it a few times; others may struggle to stop once they start. Media representation (TV shows or movies) commonly portrays self-harm as cutting the skin, but it actually takes many forms. Here’s some examples:

  • Burning the skin with matches, a lighter, or another source of fire. Chemical substances can also cause burns.
  • Punching or hitting to cause bruising or broken bones.
  • Scratching, piercing or cutting the skin with razors and other sharp objects.
  • Pulling out hair. 
  • Ingesting toxic substances, like drugs, high doses of medications, and chemical cleaners to inflict harm.
  • Any self-inflicted behavior intended to cause physical harm. 

Though self-harm can cause injuries that need medical treatment (and even life-threatening injuries), it differs from suicide attempts in that the person does not intend to die. Suicide attempts are often intended to cause death, while self-harm is used as a coping tool. 

For example, someone may cut deeper than intended, requiring immediate medical care for a wound that could have killed them. This differs from a suicide attempt because they did not make that cut with the intention or hope to die.

The Psychology Behind Self-Harm

Self-harm commonly occurs as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions2, including anger, grief, and numbness. It’s also frequently used as a tool for self-punishment. Some people self-harm to gain attention and help from others (also called a cry for help). Others may self-harm for all 3 reasons. In any case, they need and deserve help.

Self-harm also serves as an emotional outlet2 and provides a sense of control. It can provide a more continuous distraction from intense emotional pain, as the inflictor often needs to bandage and care for their recurring wounds, which also offers a sense of control and can provide nurturing not otherwise received. 

Though it seems counterintuitive, self-harm can release endorphins3 as the body responds to pain. This can spike your adrenaline and improve your mood, which offers an escape from numbness and a break in intensely low mood. But it’s only temporary. 

Addressing The Stigma Around Self-Harm

The stigma surrounding self-harm claims it’s a sign of weakness and attention-seeking, which can cause people to feel ashamed and unwilling to ask for help. Cuts, scars, and bruises also don’t align with most beauty standards, which can cause further shame. 

Shame can cause a cycle of self-harming, as continuous harm reinstates shame, which can cause ongoing self-harm. Hiding injuries and crafting cover-up stories can also fuel shame and cause even greater stress, which can feed the cycle.

To break through the stigma, you can practice empathy and compassion—towards yourself and others. Educate yourself on self-harm to better understand its causes; this can help you approach conversations about getting help with greater confidence and compassion. You can also advocate for yourself or others by correcting common misconceptions about self-harm. Discuss it as a symptom of overwhelming pain, not an inability to cope with it. If people don’t understand and are not willing to try, you can leave them out of your journey.

Factors Contributing to Self-Harm

Self-harm isn’t usually the first way people try to manage strong emotions and cope with pain. People may even seek treatment but ultimately not get the relief they need. And since self-harm can offer momentary relief or distraction, stopping may sound pointless and daunting—why quit something that works? Fear can then contribute to repeated self-harm: fear of giving up potentially the only coping tool you have.

Treating underlying conditions, beginning treatment as soon as possible, and catching the signs early can prevent self-harm and the fear of letting it go. 

Emotional Distress and Mental Health Disorders

Conditions like depression, anxiety, trauma, and borderline personality disorder can contribute to and cause self-harm as a symptom. Here’s why:

Pre-existing mental health conditions can largely contribute to and cause self-harm, but so can your environment, the people around you, and the media you take in.

Environmental and Social Influences

Bullying, family dynamics, and peer pressure can lead to self-harm. Media may also create curiosity around self-harm, which could lead to experimentation, and then a habit that becomes hard to break. Some TV shows and movies geared toward teens vividly show (and often romanticize) self-harm. This can prompt teens to replicate the behavior or see it as the only way to deal with negative emotions. 

Similarly, and especially for teens in middle or high school, being in a peer environment where self-harm is normalized and romanticized can lead to experimentation. Teens may self-harm to fit in, to relate to their friends, or to gain sympathy from classmates (which is often a genuine cry for help). Bullying can cause self-harm as a way to cope with emotional pain and as a form of self-punishment.

Signs and Symptoms of Self-Harm

If you’re worried about a loved one or a friend self-harming, you can keep a few warning signs in mind as you note their physical and emotional changes. If you do notice any signs, try to keep your questions gentle and centered on concern. Make sure your emotional state invites vulnerability. Though distressing, self-harm and the causes behind it are treatable.

Warning Signs of Self-Harm

If you’re a parent, a teacher, a sibling, or a concerned friend, you can keep a lookout for the following signs of self-harm in someone you care about.

  1. Suddenly spending time alone, usually in a shut or locked room. This could be their bedroom, bathroom, or another area of your house. 
  2. Unexplained injuries, cuts, or burns.
  3. Taking or hoarding first-aid supplies. 
  4. Finding blood on their clothes, sheets, and used first-aid supplies (like gauze or bandages).
  5. Wearing full-coverage clothes and seeming particular about not revealing their arms, legs, stomach, or other areas they’re normally okay with showing. This may be especially noticeable in the summertime (like wearing a hoodie in hot weather). 
  6. Items like razor blades, knives, lighters, or other self-harm tools going missing in your home. You may find them tucked away into a hiding place in their room or bathroom. School lockers can also hide supplies.
  7. Behavioral changes like seeming down, tearful, and hopeless.
  8. Acting withdrawn and unfocused in social and family situations.
  9. Flinching or seeming in pain when certain parts of their body are bumped or touched. 

Starting The Conversation and Next Steps

Remember: noticing these signs may mean your loved one needs help, but with that help, they’ll learn to heal. Keep that in mind as you bring your concerns to light. You can start with gentle questions about their behaviors and items you may have noticed go missing, like self-harm tools and first-aid supplies. You may ask something like,

“I’ve noticed you seem very down and that you spend a lot of time in your room. I’ve also found band-aid wrappers hidden in the trash. You aren’t in trouble if you say yes, but I want to know if you are hurting yourself.”

If your loved one answers yes, they have been hurting themselves, you may need to see the wounds to make sure they don’t need medical attention. If they’re unwilling to show you but agree they need treatment, you can offer to take them to urgent care or the emergency room. 

If they don’t need immediate medical treatment, you can discuss getting help in other ways. Acknowledge and validate their pain, avoid judgment, and encourage them with the vast array of treatments available to people who self-harm (like therapy, peer support groups, virtual care, outpatient care, and even residential rehabs). When they’re ready, you can help them take the first steps into treatment.

Depending on your relationship, you may be able to control their environment in the meantime. If you’re the parent of a child who self-harms, for example, you may gather and hide all your knives, razors, lighters, and other self-harming tools as a preventive measure. You can also set rules about alone time (like limiting it to an hour a day, keeping their door open, or requiring frequent check-ins) to keep a closer eye on them and their behaviors. 

In some cases, alone time may not be safe in any sense. Consider going to the emergency room to get admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where your loved one receives continuous monitoring in a safe environment. 

Support and Treatment Options

Many forms of treatment and therapy can help you or your loved one heal from self-harm and its underlying causes. 

Professional Help and Therapies

Behavioral therapies address the unhealthy or inaccurate thoughts and emotions leading to behaviors like self-harm. Examples include:

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which addresses and challenges the emotions causing self-harm, like anger, shame, and grief. Using CBT, a therapist will help their patient determine the validity of their thoughts, prevent spiraling, and reshape their thought patterns. 
  • Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) helps manage intense emotions and teaches tools for coping and resilience. Rather than challenging or changing thoughts, DBT helps patients accept the thought and manage how they respond to it. For example, someone experiencing intense emotions may respond with a coping tool they learned in therapy, not with self-harm.
  • Problem-Solving Therapy8 uses skill and attitude training to see problems as solvable, promote rationalization, and reduce impulsivity. This therapy can be especially helpful for adolescents with depression, suicidality, and self-harming behaviors.

Self-Care Strategies and Coping Mechanisms

Alongside professional help, you can also practice self-care strategies and at-home coping mechanisms for self-harm. Here are a few of those strategies and practices you can try:

  • The ice-cube method: Hold an ice cube in your hand (or your mouth) when emotions become intense and overwhelming. The cold ice cube serves as a neurological distraction9 and can give you mental clarity. Relief and clearer thinking can then prevent self-harm.
  • Exercise: Fitness can serve as a distraction8 and an action. Let out emotions through weight-lifting, boxing, running, or taking a walk. 
  • Drawing/doodling: Making shapes, lines, or drawings can release emotions and give a sense of accomplishment. You can make angry slashes with your pen over the page, slowly color in shapes, or draw lines over and over. You can even add words and combine journaling with doodling.
  • Busy your hands: Whether you have to sit on them, play with a fidget toy, or simply run them over textured fabric, keeping your hands busy can help distract you until the urge to self-harm fades.
  • Tear something apart: Rip up paper, food, or something you’re okay with tearing. This serves as a distraction and an emotional outlet, which can prevent self-harm by satiating the need to do so.
  • Tell someone: Let a trusted friend or family member know when you feel the urge to self-harm. They can keep you company (even virtually) and keep you accountable by checking in. You don’t even have to specifically mention self-harm, just let them know you need support.
  • Remove yourself from your environment: Physically step away from your current environment and the potential self-harm tools within it. Ideally, you could go on a walk to get outside and separate from your home or other living environment. If you can’t, move to another room or seek company with a family member.
  • Make your environment as safe as you can: As you feel able, remove, destroy, or throw away self-harm tools. Give your stash to someone to get rid of. Tell a trusted family member to hide or lock up other self-harm tools in your home. These could include knives, shaving razors, and other sharp tools.
  • Be kind to yourself: The recovery journey for self-harm isn’t a straight line. You may go one, two, even 10+ days (or months) without self-harming, but end up doing it again. That’s okay. Don’t see it as failing, rather as a bump in your road to recovery—and you’re still on the road. Remind yourself of that often.

Self-care strategies can reduce your overall stress and promote wellness day-to-day. Here are a few techniques you can try:

  1. Set aside time to relax and do something you enjoy. Schedule yourself an hour each night (or however long you can) to read, meditate, craft, or call a friend.
  2. Stay hydrated and incorporate more whole foods into your diet to fuel and nourish your body.
  3. Get outside to soak in sunlight and Vitamin D—try walking through your neighborhood, taking your dog to a park, or sitting on your balcony.
  4. Prioritize good sleep. Follow a nighttime routine and try to wake up at the same time each morning to even out your sleep cycle.
  5. Move your body through exercise, yoga, playing with a pet, or taking walks. You could also take up new sports or hobbies like hiking, swimming, and rollerblading.

Prevention and Building Resilience

Changing the narrative around self-harm and offering education can prevent teens and adults from using it as a coping tool. To combat the glamorization of self-harm, schools, peers, and teachers can instead educate vulnerable teens on the realities of self-harm and what it means for their health. 

Knowing your treatment options can also serve as a prevention tool, as someone may not feel drawn to self-harm if other sources of relief are readily available (like therapy, support groups, or crisis services). The earlier schools and other organizations can make these resources available, the better.

Find Help and Hope

Understanding self-harm is the first step towards offering the necessary support and compassion to those in need. It’s about looking beyond the behavior and recognizing the underlying pain, offering a helping hand in their journey toward healing. Remember, with the right approach and resources, recovery is not just a possibility but a reality. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, seek help from a professional to navigate the path to recovery together. You can also find rehabs with self-harm treatment by browsing Recovery.com.

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Mastering the Gray Rock Method: A Guide to Detaching From Toxic Interactions

The emotional toll of toxic relationships can be immense. Interactions that routinely go poorly and violate your personal boundaries leave you feeling drained. 

That’s where the gray rock method comes in.

Think of a gray rock: dull, uninteresting, and unfazed. The gray rock method equips you to become just that—emotionally unresponsive—to someone’s negativity. 

This method isn’t about confrontation or revenge. It’s a strategic way to set boundaries and protect yourself from emotional abuse. If you’re constantly walking on eggshells around someone who doesn’t engage well, this method can be a lifeline. It allows you to minimize the harm and emotional exhaustion these interactions cause. 

Here’s how the gray rock method works, why some people choose to use it, and how you can apply it to your life.

Understanding Toxic Relationships

Toxic patterns are common in relationships with narcissists and other cluster B personalities.1 Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance, lack empathy, and thrive on manipulating others. All of these traits make for predictably poor interactions. 

“If you have ongoing exposure to controlling people,2 it’s a virtual certainty that you’re going to experience blurry boundaries,” says clinical therapist and narcissism expert Dr. Les Carter. 

But not all difficult interactions warrant the gray rock method. There’s a difference between the all-consuming conflicts that chronically occur in relationships with emotionally immature people and the smaller problems that naturally occur in “normal” relationships.

Note: Gray rock is often used for relationships involving narcissistic abuse. While the term is often used casually, narcissism is defined3 as “a personality disorder with the following characteristics:

  • A long-standing pattern of grandiose self-importance and an exaggerated sense of talent and achievements
  • Fantasies of unlimited sex, power, brilliance, or beauty
  • An exhibitionistic need for attention and admiration
  • Either cool indifference or feelings of rage, humiliation, or emptiness as a response to criticism, indifference, or defeat
  • Various interpersonal disturbances, such as feeling entitled to special favors, taking advantage of others, and inability to empathize with the feelings of others”

Signs of a Toxic Relationship 

Red flags that signal a toxic relationship are easy to overlook, especially if you haven’t learned to identify them, or if your childhood experiences tell you they’re normal. So how can you tell the difference between normal relationship conflict and emotional abuse? Start by asking yourself if you’re experiencing the following: 

  • A one-sided power dynamic: You feel belittled, manipulated, or criticized.
  • Walking on eggshells: You constantly dread their next episode and perform in ways you think will gain their approval.
  • Emotional manipulation: They use shame and guilt trips to control your behavior.
  • Energy drain: Interactions leave you feeling depleted and emotionally exhausted.
  • Disrespect: They chronically disrespect your humanity and personal boundaries.
  • Lack of empathy: They show little to no concern for your feelings or emotional well-being.
  • Isolating behavior: They try to control who you see, effectively limiting your social circle.
  • Rage: They have unpredictable outbursts or anger issues.
  • Gaslighting: They deny or twist reality to make you question your perception.
  • Pathological lying: They lie compulsively and without reason.

Gray rock doesn’t apply to healthy relationships, which benefit from working through problems using clear communication. It’s a coping strategy for people who need to minimize the damage that toxic relationships cause. 

Why People Choose to Use Gray Rock 

Narcissists lack empathy.4 They struggle to see things from your perspective and have little regard for your emotional well-being. As such, they use manipulative tactics like shaming, gaslighting, or outright lies to get what they want. As a result, you’re left feeling drained, unheard, and questioning your sanity.

Because of this, many people choose to go no-contact with narcissists,5 especially when leaving an abusive partner. But no-contact isn’t always possible—and isn’t always the best solution. Sometimes you need to maintain relationships with emotionally immature people (for example, to co-parent a child with an ex). Other times, stopping contact altogether involves more emotional labor than simply keeping it to a minimum.

Implementing the Gray Rock Method

Gray rocking is a way of protecting your energy by giving people who intend to manipulate you nothing to work with. This means not sharing inner thoughts and feelings. “Narcissists are data collectors,”6 says Dr. Carter. “The more you share your thoughts, they’re just collecting data to use against you later on.” 

The goal of gray rock is to put yourself in the most neutral position possible. By becoming emotionally unresponsive, you decrease narcissists’ interest in you as a target. Here are some ways you can use it: 

  • Minimize emotional reactions.  Avoid expressing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or sadness. This might feel unnatural at first, but remember, you’re aiming to be a dull rock, not a juicy target.
  • Limit conversation. Respond to questions with short, bland, factual answers. Avoid elaborate explanations or justifications. Opt for one-word answers like “okay,” “sure,” or “fine” when possible.
  • Maintain a neutral demeanor. Keep your body language neutral. Avoid making eye contact, crossing your arms, or fidgeting excessively. A calm and unbothered exterior further discourages engagement.
  • Keep it brief. Keep verbal exchanges as short as possible.
  • Don’t share your opinions or expand on ideas. Reveal the least amount of information possible about yourself.
  • Don’t make attempts to correct their thinking. If they start antagonizing you, don’t argue back. End the interaction.  

Gray rock also extends to digital communication.

  • Keep texts and emails short and to the point.
  • Don’t answer calls or messages until you feel emotionally ready. 
  • Mute, block, or use do-not-disturb mode as necessary. 

Examples: Using Gray Rock in Conversation 

When you know you’re stepping into a challenging interaction, it helps to have a plan. Here are some ideas: 

Replies 

Give bland, non-committal responses without expanding further on ideas. You can also use one-word replies like “okay,” “sure,” and “interesting,” in a neutral tone. 

Neutral Topics 

Likewise, it can be useful to have some topics in your back pocket in case you need to steer the conversation away from sensitive subjects. These might include: 

  • The weather: “I heard it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.” 
  • Non-controversial current events: “Did you hear about the [positive news story]?”
  • Your surroundings: “This coffee shop has a nice atmosphere.”
  • Food: “Have you tried that new Italian place downtown?” 

Redirecting the Conversation 

You can also (cautiously) steer the conversation away from things you’d rather not talk about using phrases like these: 

  • “I haven’t thought much about that lately.” (followed by a safe topic)
  • “That’s interesting, but I actually need to get going.” (if appropriate)

Keeping the Focus on Them

One Redditor, nospaceforyou, says to avoid disclosing too much personal information to a narcissist,7 “keep him talking about himself,” using questions like: 

  • “What have you been up to?
  • Are you still doing [insert hobby]?
  • Have you seen [insert movie]? I’m trying to decide whether or not to go. What do you think?
  • Have you had lunch/dinner yet?
  • How is [insert one of their friends] doing these days? Do you still talk?
  • Do you have plans to go anywhere this summer?”

The key is to keep responses brief, factual, and non-judgmental. Avoid getting drawn into emotional discussions or sharing personal details that could spark further conversation. Remember, your safety comes first. If the situation escalates or feels unsafe, remove yourself from the interaction.

With all of these techniques, proceed with caution. Your relationship dynamic is unique, and you know best what will escalate or deescalate a situation. 

Is Gray Rocking Narcissistic Behavior? 

Stonewalling8 (giving you the silent treatment, ghosting, or shutting down) is a common narcissistic tactic. So what’s the difference between this and gray rock? The answer is: the motive.

“There’s a difference between selfishness and self-preservation,” says Dr. Carter. Stonewalling is a narcissistic person’s way of punishing you for not going along with their agenda. Gray rocking, on the other hand, is not used for manipulation.

Boundaries and Self-Care

Boundaries keep us safe and set the standard for how we want to be treated. By using the gray rock technique, you’re placing a clear limit on how much emotional energy you’re willing to invest. But it’s not a solution in and of itself. It should be used alongside other self-care strategies to protect your emotional well-being.

If boundary setting has been difficult for you in the past, there’s no need to feel bad about it. In fact, many empathetic people struggle with setting boundaries. The good news is that boundary setting is a skill that can be learned.

As you navigate this relationship, prioritize activities that replenish your emotional energy. Keep doing the daily routines that make you feel well, and surround yourself with supportive people. Rest more if you need to and do things that nourish your spirit, like spending time in nature. 

Have Your Own Back 

It’s normal to feel a little guilty when setting boundaries—especially if you’ve been conditioned to believe that standing up for yourself is wrong. But deciding to put a stop to the emotional depletion you’ve experienced is a huge act of self-love. It’s also a brave acceptance of the situation for what it is. It’s your way of saying that the other person can think and act however they want, and you’re no longer invested in trying to make it different. Your job is not to internalize their opinions, but to live your life and be true to yourself.

“Some people just cannot engage well,” says Dr. Carter. “Gray rock is a way of practicing self-care and self-respect, and is a reasonable way to engage with someone who does not participate well.”

Note: Gray rock is a temporary strategy for managing difficult people. It doesn’t address the root cause of the toxicity. Toxic relationships give us a lot to unpack, and therapy can help us process, heal, and learn from what happened. 

Challenges and Considerations

Emotional detachment can feel awkward, especially if you’re used to expressing yourself openly. Suppressing your natural reactions might make you feel like you’re being fake. One Redditor, indulgent_taurus, says gray rock itself can be emotionally tiring:9

“Due to my fawn response, I’ve never felt comfortable saying ‘no’ or setting boundaries around certain topics…I’m grateful for the grey rock technique. BUT, it’s also exhausting. It’s hard for me to give those bland, boring answers without sounding defensive or angry…my hypervigilance is on overdrive when I’m in her presence.”

“I had every right to step away from people who had hurt me deeply.”

The decision to minimize contact with someone you were close to is never easy—especially if that person is a family member. Sara D, a child abuse survivor, describes her experience: 

“I know other child abuse survivors and I know of no one, myself included, who made the decision to go no or low contact or grey rock lightly—no one. My very personal decisions to limit contact with my abuser and my enabler and, at another point, to have no contact whatsoever with the both of them certainly weighed heavily on me. Those decisions were some of the most painful and difficult yet also most impactful of my life!… They came with costs—to everyone involved. But those decisions felt necessary, and right; they were self-preserving decisions. And I had every right to step away from people who had hurt me deeply, who had betrayed my trust early and often and shown no remorse and taken no accountability.”

Gray rock doesn’t solve all your problems—the idea is that it costs you less than engaging in conflict.

Risks of Using Gray Rock

Gray rock is growing in popularity, but as of yet, not much research has been done on this technique. It also carries some potential risks: 

  • Escalation: Narcissists crave attention, and if they’re not getting the reaction they seek through their usual tactics, they might respond by escalating their behavior.
  • Feeling emotionally drained: While the goal is to be emotionally neutral, constantly suppressing your true feelings can be draining. It’s important to have healthy outlets for your emotions outside of this dynamic.
  • Inadvertently enabling: In some cases, a narcissist may misinterpret your lack of response as permission to continue their bad behavior. It’s important to maintain clear boundaries, even if you’re not engaging emotionally.

Adjusting Expectations

It’s hard to acknowledge, but it’s just not possible to have healthy, fair relationships with certain people. With gray rock, we let go of the expectation that our exchanges are going to be rewarding, or that we can change their behavior. Instead, we adjust our behavior to best handle the situation at hand. 

Alternatives and Support

In some situations, it’s better to walk away completely. If you feel unsafe, talk to a trained support specialist about making an exit plan. 

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
  • Crisis Text Hotline: text Home to 741741
  • Love Is Respect: 866-331-9474

Dealing with the fallout from a toxic relationship can be overwhelming. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Therapy and support groups provide a safe space to express yourself and connect with others who understand what you’re going through.

Take Charge of Your Interaction and Protect Your Well-Being

You deserve to feel safe and respected. You get to decide what’s in your best interest and how much emotional energy you want to spend. The gray rock method is just one tool you can use to maintain your personal boundaries. 

Even when using gray rock, managing these interactions takes an emotional toll. Be kind to yourself as you progress through your healing journey, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. 

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Empowering Support: Resources and Strategies for Loved Ones in Mental Health and Addiction Treatment

Addiction and mental health conditions don’t only affect the individual—they affect the entire family unit. If you know someone in recovery, chances are you are a part of the healing process. 

Support from loved ones plays a critical role in the treatment journey, not just as a supplementary aspect of care but as a core component of successful recovery. Your help is a profound act of love, but it comes with challenges. Loved ones can face obstacles that test their resilience, patience, and emotional stability. Understanding these challenges is crucial for developing strategies to navigate them effectively. 

Understanding the Role of Loved Ones

Each person’s journey with recovery looks different, and so does the support of their loved ones. Regardless of when you joined their treatment journey, your help matters. 

When a person undergoes addiction or mental health treatment, support from loved ones can greatly improve their outcomes1. Family engagement can lead to fewer relapses, longer duration between relapses, reduced hospital admissions, shorter inpatient stays, and improved compliance to medication and treatment plans.

These massive patient benefits are likely why you want to help your loved one through recovery; however, witnessing their struggle with mental health issues or addiction can be emotionally taxing2. The constant worry and need to provide ongoing support can be physically and mentally exhausting. This can lead to emotional burnout3, where the supporter feels overwhelmed and unable to continue providing care effectively.

Assisting a loved one through treatment requires patience, understanding, and a compassionate approach. Your guidance during this time is invaluable; however, remember that you don’t have to do it alone. There are many resources to support you and your loved one during recovery.

Types of Resources Available

To support your loved one to the best of your abilities, you will need outside help. Fortunately, there are multiple avenues available.

Educational Resources

Substance use disorders and mental health conditions can be very complex. The more you know about the condition(s), and what your loved one is going through, the better equipped you both are to navigate recovery.

To learn more about different disorders, types of treatment, insurance coverage for rehab, and more, visit our Resource Library to explore comprehensive articles covering a variety of educational topics.

You may also do your own research and talk to medical professionals to stay informed. Reading up on the condition(s) can provide you with a basic understanding of the symptoms, treatments, and potential risks. Speaking with a doctor or your loved one’s care team can offer personalized insights and information. 

Support Groups

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) groups use the 12-Steps program as their foundation. AA and NA hosts meetings for family members of people with substance or behavioral addictions to learn from the others’ shared experiences. They offer in-person or virtual groups across the country. Find an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon group near you. 

SMART Recovery also offers family support groups, however they differ from the 12 Steps by focusing on one’s resilience and ability to overcome addiction rather than a higher power.

For those with a loved one in mental health care, the National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) provides family support groups. During sessions, peers discuss their experiences to foster understanding and hope. You may work on coping skills, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, releasing judgment, and embracing resilience. Groups are free and confidential. Find a NAMI family support group near you.

Therapy and Counseling

Family therapy will likely be an option as part of your loved one’s treatment plan. Addiction and mental health treatment is more effective with family therapy4, helping both the person in recovery and loved ones. By making positive changes in family dynamics, therapy can reduce the stress of having a loved one in treatment and improve how families treat each other as a whole. In a family therapy session, you can set boundaries, work on communication skills, and resolve conflicts.

You may choose to seek professional 1:1 counseling. It can provide a confidential and safe space for you to process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and maintain your well-being while supporting your loved one. Your therapist might help you communicate your boundaries, prioritize self-care, and practice stress management techniques.

Strategies for Supporting Treatment

Supporting a loved one through treatment for mental health issues or addiction is a compassionate yet complex journey. It requires patience, understanding, and a proactive attitude to support your loved one and take care of your own well-being. A well-rounded approach, emphasizing helpful communication, is key. 

Effective Communication Techniques

Talking to someone who’s experiencing addiction or mental health issues can be an opportunity to show your empathy and understanding5. You can approach these conversations with a calm and non-judgmental attitude. Show that you genuinely care and want to listen. And be clear that you’re concerned about them.

Encourage them to share their feelings by asking open-ended questions like “Can you tell me what you’ve been going through?” or “How have you been feeling lately?” 

Try to make your loved one feel seen by acknowledging their experiences. You can say things such as “Tell me how you are feeling, I care about your feelings and well-being,” or “I am right here for you. Tell me how I can help you.” Empathize with what they’re experiencing—they’ll be more likely to trust you for help.

Your loved one is going through a challenging time, so try your best to be patient. Stay calm and collected when they tell you about their feelings. Make sure they know that they don’t have to go through this alone. Remind them that seeking help is a positive step.

Setting Boundaries and Practicing Self-Care

Setting healthy boundaries can help maintain a positive relationship dynamic and prevent enabling behaviors. Boundaries are essential for both your loved one and yourself, as supporting someone in recovery can be emotionally taxing.

For example, you can express that you won’t participate in activities or situations that enable their addiction, but you’ll support their recovery efforts. This could look like withholding money they would use to buy drugs or not bailing them out of jail. You can offer your help finding appropriate treatment and stay consistent with your support. 

Take care of yourself by setting healthy boundaries, seeking support from others, and practicing self-care. You cannot care for someone else if you are not taking care of your own needs first.

Encouraging and Reinforcing Positive Behaviors

Recognizing both big and small achievements propel the recovery journey. Your loved one is likely to sustain recovery by staying positive and motivated6. Conversations should stay optimistic and realistic—acknowledge their hard work and express your belief that they can overcome these challenges. You can offer regular support and words of affirmation with your love and confidence in their ability to recover. 

Milestones could look like attending therapy sessions regularly, reaching sobriety cornerstones,  or simply having a good day. You can personalize celebrations to what your loved one finds meaningful and enjoyable, such as a favorite meal or a small gathering with close friends and family. 

Establishing traditions around milestones can give your loved one something to look forward to. For example, for each month of sobriety, you might plant a new flower in the garden.

Ways to Help Loved Ones Help Themselves

One of the best ways you can help your loved one is by guiding them towards tools to effectively sustain recovery by themselves. Your loved one may deal with uncomfortable feelings for the rest of their life because of their condition(s). Creating healthy habits can manage discomfort during their journey.

Outside of professional treatment, your loved one can participate in multiple self-reflection and self-care techniques to support their recovery. Taking time to reflect on personal values and treatment goals can help your loved one stay aligned with their desires. Journaling can be therapeutic7, so encourage them to write responses to questions such as 

  1. What events or decisions led you to this point in your recovery journey? How do you feel about them now?
  2. What triggers have you identified that impact your mental health or addiction? What healthy coping mechanisms have you found effective?
  3. What are the most important lessons you’ve learned from your experiences before and during recovery?
  4. What achievements, big or small, have you made in your recovery? How did you accomplish them?
  5. What personal strengths have you discovered or strengthened through your recovery process? How have they helped you?
  6. How has your journey affected your relationships with family and friends? Are there relationships that need mending or strengthening?
  7. What are you grateful for today? How does gratitude impact your recovery journey?
  8. Write a letter to yourself expressing compassion and understanding for your journey. What would you say?

You could offer to engage in healthy activities with your loved one to support their recovery. You might take a walk or do yoga with them for exercise, and you could make healthy, nutritious dinners with them. Your loved one may enjoy creative outlets such as painting, so you could do a weekly paint night with them. And promote supportive relationships with family, friends, or support groups who understand and encourage their recovery journey.

By integrating these healthy self-care practices into daily life, your loved one in recovery can build a strong foundation for sustained well-being and resilience. You play a valuable role in their treatment journey, so be sure to give yourself the love and recognition you deserve. With your help and professional support, your loved one can create a healthier, more fulfilling life.