Tag: Twelve Step

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AA Slogans: 10 Sayings That Support Your Recovery Journey

If you’ve spent any time around an AA meeting or look at the walls in a treatment center, you’ve probably seen short, punchy phrases like “First Things First” or “One Day at a Time.” They might sound like something you’d find on a bumper sticker or a coffee mug, but for millions of people in recovery, these AA slogans have become lifelines to rely on in the struggles life brings.

At first, some people may roll their eyes at them, which makes sense. When you’re hurting or feeling overwhelmed by alcohol addiction,1 a catchy phrase can feel dismissive. 

But over time, many come to realize that these sayings aren’t fluff. They’re reminders that carry the weight of lived experience. They’re simple, yes. But they speak to something deep.

Because when your mind is spiraling, your body is anxious, and you’re fighting off the pull of the first drink, you might just need a phrase that cuts through the noise and brings you back to center. Something that is grounding in moments that feel unstable.

These AA slogans are like small handrails on the recovery journey—anchors to grab onto when everything else feels shaky. In this article, we’ll explore 11 of the most well-known AA sayings, what they mean, and why they continue to matter.

What Are AA Slogans?

AA slogans are short, memorable phrases rooted in the history of Alcoholics Anonymous.2 They aren’t found in the official 12 Steps or 12 Traditions, but they’ve been passed down through decades of meetings, speaker shares, and conversations between sponsors and sponsees. 

Originally popularized by Bill W. and early AA members, these slogans often appear on signs at meetings or in the margins of the Big Book. They’re almost the unofficial language of the AA program. 

Their power lies in their simplicity. Each one captures a core truth of addiction recovery in just a few words. They’re easy to remember, which is helpful when your brain feels foggy or your nervous system is overloaded. And they work, in part, because they can be repeated. Over and over. And eventually, they start to take root.

AA Slogans and Why They Work

Each of the following slogans might sound simple on the surface, but beneath that simplicity is a lifetime of practice, pain, and perspective.

We’ll explore not only what these slogans mean, but why they matter. You’ll also see reflections from a therapist’s perspective on how they support the emotional and neurological healing that recovery requires.

1. One Day at a Time

Recovery from alcohol addiction can feel overwhelming if you think too far ahead. This slogan reminds AA members to stay grounded in the present moment. It’s one of the most well-known AA slogans because it focuses on the only thing you can control: today. Just for today, stay sober. Breathe. Begin again.

2. Easy Does It

When you’ve lived in chaos, calm can feel unnatural. This phrase is often heard in AA meetings as a counter to the inner critic that says “hurry up” or “do more.” Easy does it encourages emotional pacing, something often lost in early addiction recovery.

3. First Things First

This slogan helps filter out the noise. In Alcoholics Anonymous, first things first often means putting sobriety ahead of everything else, because without it, everything else crumbles. It’s an anchor in the storm of overthinking.

4. Progress, Not Perfection 

The drive for perfection can be paralyzing, especially in early recovery. This slogan, a cornerstone of the 12-Step Recovery, validates the messy middle. You don’t have to do it all perfectly. You just have to keep going. In therapy, we’d call this a shift from all-or-nothing thinking to self-compassionate curiosity.

5. This Too Shall Pass 

This phrase offers hope when you’re stuck in shame, grief, or cravings. It’s often repeated in AA meetings as a reminder that feelings are temporary. For someone resisting the first drink, this saying can help create a little distance between urge and action.

Keep Coming Back 

This isn’t just a phrase, it’s an invitation. Whether you relapsed, ghosted your sponsor, or are just tired of trying, this slogan reminds you that recovery is a process, not a performance. Keep coming back is about permission to return, even when you feel unworthy.

6. It Works If You Work It

The AA principles don’t just work because they’re printed in the Big Book—they work when practiced. This saying underlines the importance of active participation in the recovery process. Show up. Do the steps. Go to the AA meetings. And when you’re tempted to check out, remember that healing often starts when you engage, even imperfectly.

7. HALT (Don’t get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired)

This acronym is pure gold in mental health and recovery work. These four states are high-risk moments for impulsivity, irritability, or relapse. In therapy, we call this emotional hygiene. In AA, HALT is one way to take honest inventory before making choices that could sabotage your better life.

8. Just For Today 

This isn’t about denying the big picture—it’s about making it manageable. Just for today invites you to return to the now, especially when cravings, shame, or panic want to pull you into the future.

9. Live and Let Live 

Control is a coping strategy—but in recovery, learning to let go is often the bravest thing you can do. Live and let live is about recognizing where your responsibility ends and someone else’s begins. It’s an invitation to surrender the illusion that you can fix, manage, or predict everything.

10. Keep It Simple

Keep it simple is one of those AA sayings that seems obvious—until your mind is racing, your relationships are tense, and you’re trying to solve everything at once. Simplicity helps you find the next right thing, especially when you’re flooded or unsure.

The Psychology Behind Slogans

There’s a reason slogans stick.

Psychologically speaking, repetition rewires the brain.3 Slogans serve as verbal grounding tools—they disrupt spirals of fear, shame, or future-tripping by offering a more stabilizing thought. In clinical terms, they can help regulate the nervous system.

They also appeal to something universal in all of us: the desire for clarity, structure, and hope. In moments of emotional chaos, slogans be like little lanterns. They don’t fix everything, but they light the next step. Most of these phrases don’t even need a further description because you just know what they mean by reading them.

Using AA Slogans in Real Life

These aren’t just sayings for the meeting room, they’re tools you can take with you. You can write them in journals. Put them on sticky notes. Use them as mantras during cravings or conflict.

Here are a few ways you can use slogans:

  • As breathing prompts when anxiety or stress comes
  • As journal titles to reflect on daily progress
  • As reminders during a tough conversation or urge to drink
  • As grounding anchors during therapy or addiction treatment

Slogans help you return to something true without needing to sort everything out.

Do I Have to Believe in God to Use These?

Short answer: no.

Some slogans do reference God or a Higher Power, which can be challenging for folks with religious trauma or spiritual hesitation. But AA has long emphasized that your understanding of a Higher Power can be personal. Some people translate “Let Go and Let God” into “Let Go and Let Good.” Others think of God as Good Orderly Direction.

The point isn’t theological precision. It’s surrender. Releasing the need to control what you can’t. Trusting that healing is possible, even if you don’t have it all figured out.

Tools for the Journey

These slogans might seem small, but they can become scaffolding for a better life.

They remind us that healing doesn’t have to be flashy. That you don’t need to have all the answers to stay sober today. That it’s okay to begin again. That recovery is about progress, not perfection.

Whether you’re early in your recovery journey or simply trying to live with more presence and grace, AA slogans are quiet invitations to come back to what matters most.

Just for today, that might be enough.

Ready to strengthen your recovery journey?


AA slogans can be powerful reminders that keep you grounded and focused. If you or a loved one is seeking more support, explore treatment options that combine professional care with proven recovery tools. Find a treatment program near you today.

FAQs

Q: What are AA slogans, and why are they used?


 A: AA slogans are short, memorable phrases used in Alcoholics Anonymous4 to reinforce recovery principles and provide emotional grounding. They serve as quick reminders to stay present, let go of control, and focus on progress over perfection. These slogans are rooted in the 12-Step philosophy and help individuals regulate emotions, manage cravings, and reduce stress through repetition and reflection.

Q: Are AA slogans effective in addiction recovery?


 A: Yes, many individuals in recovery find AA slogans helpful. Research on cognitive-behavioral approaches in recovery suggests that positive affirmations and cognitive reframing5—both of which slogans promote—can reduce relapse risk and improve emotional regulation.

Q: Can I use AA slogans even if I’m not in a 12-Step program?


 A: Absolutely. These slogans offer universally helpful wisdom. Whether or not someone identifies with AA’s spiritual or group structure, the slogans can serve as self-help tools that promote mindfulness, alcohol use disorder treatment, acceptance, and emotional resilience.

Q: What’s the meaning of “One Day at a Time”?


 A: “One Day at a Time” encourages people in recovery to stay present and focus only on what they can manage today. This slogan helps reduce overwhelm, especially when thinking about lifelong sobriety feels intimidating. It’s closely related to mindfulness-based relapse prevention strategies, which promote moment-to-moment awareness as a coping skill.

Q: How does “Easy Does It” help in recovery?

 A: This slogan reminds individuals not to force solutions or act impulsively. In recovery, slowing down and responding thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally can prevent relapse and reduce stress. The phrase aligns with therapeutic principles of distress tolerance and emotional regulation, such as those found in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

Q: What’s the purpose of slogans like “Let Go and Let God”?


 A: “Let Go and Let God” encourages surrender—releasing control over things one cannot change. In the AA context, this slogan often reflects a spiritual trust in a higher power. Psychologically, it supports acceptance and reduced rumination, which are key in avoiding relapse triggers.

Q: Is there scientific support for using spiritual or motivational phrases in recovery?


 A: Yes. Studies have shown that spiritual practices and positive coping strategies—like prayer, meditation, and reflective mantras—can reduce substance use and improve mental health outcomes in recovery populations.

Q: Do these slogans replace therapy or medication?


 A: No, AA slogans are tools—not substitutes—for professional treatment. They’re most effective when used alongside counseling, medication (if needed), and peer support. They can, however, serve as powerful reminders in between therapy sessions or during moments of stress.

Q: How can I remember and apply AA slogans in daily life?


 A: Many people write them in journals, post them on mirrors, or repeat them during cravings or stressful moments. They’re designed to be short and sticky so they can be recalled when you need a mental reset.

Q: Are there criticisms of using slogans in recovery?


 A: Some critics argue that slogans may oversimplify complex emotional struggles. However, most professionals agree they’re valuable as part of a larger toolkit, especially when paired with structured therapy and peer support networks.

Q: Where can I learn more about AA and the 12 Steps?


 A: You can visit the Alcoholics Anonymous official website6 for information about the program, literature, and how to find a meeting.

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Understanding 6 Unique Recovery Pathways and Their Benefits: Wes Arnett

Recovery from addiction is a personal journey, and there are many pathways designed to support people along the way. Each pathway has its own philosophy, methods, and focus. Below is a description of six popular recovery programs: SMART Recovery, Twelve Steps, Recovery Dharma, White Bison, The Phoenix, and LifeRing. Some people try several different pathways before finding the one or two that best fit them, and that is ok and a part of the journey.  

1. SMART Recovery

SMART Recovery stands for “Self-Management and Recovery Training.” This pathway focuses on empowering individuals to take control of their lives and make positive changes. It’s based on science and uses techniques from cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). SMART Recovery meetings are centered on building skills like managing emotions, setting goals, and handling urges. Unlike some other programs, it doesn’t require participants to believe in a higher power—it’s all about practical tools. 

2. Twelve Steps

The Twelve Steps program is best known through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA). This pathway emphasizes spiritual growth and the support of a higher power (though it’s not tied to any specific religion). Participants work through twelve steps, which include admitting they have a problem, making amends for past harm, and helping others in recovery. Meetings are often very structured and rely heavily on sponsors. 

3. Recovery Dharma

Recovery Dharma combines Buddhist principles with addiction recovery. It focuses on mindfulness, meditation, and self-awareness to help people manage cravings and understand the root causes of their addiction. The pathway doesn’t require participants to be Buddhist but encourages practices like meditation to develop a sense of peace and balance. 

4. White Bison

White Bison is a recovery pathway rooted in Native American traditions. It’s part of the Wellbriety Movement, which teaches the importance of living a balanced, healthy life. White Bison focuses on healing from addiction while reconnecting with cultural heritage, spirituality, and community. Ceremonies, storytelling, and sharing circles are often part of the process. 

5. The Phoenix

The Phoenix is a recovery pathway that centers around fitness and physical activity. It encourages people to build strength—both physically and emotionally—through activities like yoga, running, climbing, and group workouts. Participants must have at least 48 hours of sobriety to join events, and the focus is on creating a positive, supportive community. 

6. LifeRing

LifeRing focuses on creating a personal recovery plan, which they call a Personal Recovery Program (PRP). This pathway doesn’t rely on spirituality or higher powers but instead encourages self-reliance and peer support. Meetings involve open discussions where participants share their experiences and encourage one another. LifeRing is secular, meaning it’s not connected to any religion or spiritual beliefs. 

How They’re Different

Each program takes a unique approach to recovery:

  • Faith vs. Self-Empowerment: Twelve Steps emphasizes faith and spirituality, while SMART Recovery and LifeRing focus on personal control and science.
  • Cultural and Spiritual Focus: White Bison is tied to Native American traditions, and Dharma Recovery uses Buddhist teachings.
  • Activity-Based Recovery: The Phoenix helps people recover through fitness and community activities.
  • Structured vs. Flexible: Twelve Steps and SMART Recovery have structured steps or tools, while LifeRing and The Phoenix allow more flexibility.

Choosing What’s Right for You

Recovery is a journey, and there is not a one-size-fits-all solution. The best recovery pathway for you is the one that fits your values, needs, and lifestyle. Some people find comfort in spirituality, while others prefer practical strategies or community-based support. It’s okay to try different pathways to see what works best for you. Remember, recovery is about finding what helps you live a healthy, fulfilling life. Whatever pathway you choose, support is available, and you’re not alone. If you are looking for help exploring different pathways, consider working with a recovery coach as they are trained to help people with this very thing.

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SMART Recovery vs. AA: 4 Critical Differences That Can Shape Your Path to Sobriety

Deciding on the right recovery approach is an important step on the path to sobriety. Two popular options are Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and SMART Recovery. While both aim to empower people to overcome addiction, they take very different views of recovery goals and processes. Here’s how to decide which one might be a better fit for you.

What Is SMART Recovery?

SMART Recovery (Self-Management and Recovery Training) is a nonprofit organization that teaches self-empowerment and skill-building to manage addictive behaviors.

The program centers on a set of 4 guiding recovery goals:1

  1. “Build and maintain motivation
  2. Cope with urges and cravings
  3. Manage thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
  4. Live a balanced life”

SMART Recovery is a legitimate, evidence-based program recognized by healthcare professionals and used in treatment centers worldwide.

History and Background of SMART Recovery

SMART Recovery was founded in the early 1990s by Dr. Joe Gerstein, a physician who recognized the need for a nonreligious, science-based alternative to AA’s 12-Step program. The program quickly gained traction and has since grown into a global movement with chapters in over 30 countries and formed the SMART Recovery Global Research Network2 to ensure their approach remains informed by current addiction science.

Benefits of SMART Recovery

One of the main benefits of SMART Recovery is its flexibility. Unlike AA, there’s no requirement to believe in a higher power or admit powerlessness over addiction. 

“Recovery is a very individual journey.3 What works for one doesn’t work for another,” says Leigh Proctor of UK SMART Recovery, “so we need to have as many options as we can to help people.” SMART can be combined with other recovery strategies, including 12-Step programs.

Many people find success attending both SMART Recovery and AA meetings simultaneously, as the programs complement rather than compete with each other.

You can attend both in-person and online meetings, which are open to anyone struggling with substance use disorders or addictive behaviors, regardless of the specific substance or the severity of the addiction. 

Philosophy of SMART Recovery

SMART Recovery principles4 aim to help members gain independence from addiction through “proven tools and techniques drawn from many effective approaches to recovery including cognitive behavioral therapy, rational emotive behavioral therapy, motivational interviewing, mindfulness, and various relaxation techniques.”

SMART doesn’t take a position on whether or not addiction is a disease. Religion and spirituality aren’t a part of the program, but members are welcome to incorporate their spiritual beliefs as they see fit.

SMART Recovery is abstinence-based, and is not a moderation or harm reduction program. But it also acknowledges that slip-ups are a normal part of the recovery process and does not stigmatize relapse.

What Is AA (Alcoholics Anonymous)?

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) describes itself5 as “a fellowship of people who come together to solve their drinking problem.” 

AA is a global phenomenon, recognized as one of the most successful support groups for people battling alcohol addiction. AA is based on the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions,6 a set of specific actions and principles members follow to stay on a lifelong path to sobriety.

The program has its origins in Christian ideology, but its language has been broadened to refer to “spirituality” and a “higher power” to be more accessible to people of all faiths.

History and Background of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)

AA traces back to 19357 in Akron, Ohio, where Bill Wilson, a stockbroker struggling with alcoholism, met Dr. Bob Smith, a physician facing similar challenges. Wilson’s spiritual awakening led him to believe that sharing experiences could be key to recovery. In 1939, they published the now-famous Big Book,8 outlining AA’s core principles, which established AA as a cornerstone of addiction recovery.

Benefits of AA

One of the most significant benefits of AA is its widespread accessibility. Meetings are held all over the world,9 free of charge, offering a supportive space for people struggling with alcohol use disorder. AA’s anonymity10 allows members to freely talk about their experiences without fear of judgment from their wider community. 

AA is a strong community. Members can connect with others who understand their struggles and find support, accountability, and belonging. This camaraderie and shared purpose help members stay committed to long-term sobriety.

Many people also enjoy the program’s structured approach to recovery. By following the program step by step, members develop a framework for self-reflection, personal responsibility, and spiritual growth. Sponsorship in AA provides a deeper level of personalized support, which can be vital, especially in early recovery.

Philosophy of AA

AA’s core recovery philosophy is based on the concept of a higher power,11 a universal force that offers guidance through the challenges of recovery. This doesn’t necessarily equate to a specific religion—the focus is on finding a source of strength outside oneself.

The 12 Steps guide members through a process of self-examination, admitting powerlessness over alcohol, seeking help from a higher power, making amends for past wrongs, and developing a relationship with their spirituality. The Steps also emphasize the importance of helping others, which reinforces AA’s community and lets members find purpose in supporting peers on their recovery journeys.

What Are the Differences Between SMART Recovery and AA?

While both SMART Recovery and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) aim to empower people to overcome addiction, they differ significantly in their approaches. Understanding these main differences can help you determine which approach—or combination of approaches—might work best for your recovery journey. 

Here’s a breakdown of the key differences between AA vs. SMART Recovery:

1. Meeting Format

SMART Recovery: SMART Recovery meetings12 focus on interactive discussions where participants work through challenges using practical tools, with facilitators guiding problem-solving exercises rather than following a set script. They’re structured discussions focused on skill-building and problem-solving. Participants share experiences and offer support, but there’s no requirement to share personal stories or stick to a specific format. 

AA: Meetings typically involve a speaker sharing their story of addiction and recovery, followed by open sharing from other members. The focus is on personal narratives and testimonials about powerlessness over alcohol and the importance of a higher power.

2. Foundation

SMART Recovery: This program adopts a secular, science-based approach. It emphasizes self-help and developing practical skills to manage urges and maintain sobriety. There’s no requirement to believe in a higher power.

AA: The spiritual aspects of AA are central to the program. The 12 Steps emphasize admitting powerlessness over alcohol13 and relying on a higher power for help. While not affiliated with any specific religion, AA encourages members to develop a relationship with a higher power of their understanding.

3. Length of Membership

SMART Recovery: There’s no defined timeframe for participation. People can attend meetings for support as long as needed, whether actively battling addiction or maintaining long-term sobriety.

AA: A core tenet of AA is lifelong membership. Even after achieving sobriety, members are encouraged to continue attending meetings to offer support to newcomers and maintain their own connection to the program’s principles.

4. Labels

SMART Recovery: The program avoids labels and encourages members to focus on managing their behaviors and achieving their recovery goals. “We need to change the thinking that there’s only one way to recover and to see people not as addicts, but as people.14 It’s about seeing a person,” says Proctor. 

AA: AA embraces the label “alcoholic” as a core part of its identity. Members are encouraged to identify as alcoholics, even in long-term recovery, as a reminder of their past struggles and the importance of continued vigilance.

Exploring Which One Is Right for You

SMART Recovery and AA differ in approach, but they share the goal of empowering people to achieve and maintain sobriety. Recovery is a personal journey, and the most effective program is the one that best supports your mental health.

Considering factors like your preferred meeting format, the importance of spirituality in your recovery, and your comfort level with labels can help you decide which program might be a better fit.

If you’re unsure where to start, most inpatient and outpatient rehab centers offer peer support groups for addiction that incorporate elements from both AA and SMART Recovery programs. These programs can provide a safe, supportive environment to explore different recovery options and connect with others on a similar journey.

Ready to take a step toward changing your life? Search for an addiction treatment program that offers support groups and a variety of treatment options tailored to your specific needs.

FAQs

Q: Which is better, AA or SMART Recovery?

A: Neither program is universally “better”—the most effective approach depends on your personal needs, beliefs, and preferences. SMART Recovery works well for people who prefer a secular, skills-based approach, while AA may be better suited for those who find strength in spirituality and structured steps. Many people find success with either program, and some people find they benefit from attending both.

Q: Is SMART Recovery legitimate?

A: Yes, SMART Recovery is a legitimate, evidence-based program founded by medical professionals and backed by scientific research. It’s recognized by healthcare providers, used in treatment centers, and has chapters in over 30 countries. The program incorporates proven therapeutic techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and motivational interviewing.

Q: How is SMART different from AA?

A: The key differences include:

  • Approach: SMART Recovery is secular and science-based; AA is spiritually focused.
  • Meeting format: SMART meetings are skill-building discussions; AA meetings involve sharing personal stories and working through the 12 Steps.
  • Philosophy: SMART emphasizes self-empowerment; AA emphasizes powerlessness and reliance on a higher power.
  • Membership: SMART has no set timeframe; AA encourages lifelong membership.
  • Labels: SMART avoids labels like “addict”; AA embraces the “alcoholic” identity.

Q: What is the success rate of SMART Recovery?

A: Success rates for SMART Recovery are difficult to measure precisely due to varying definitions of success and limited large-scale studies. However, research shows that people who engage with SMART Recovery tools and attend meetings regularly have positive outcomes comparable to other evidence-based treatments.15 Success depends largely on your personal commitment level and how well the program’s approach matches your needs.

Q: What happens at SMART Recovery meetings?

A: SMART Recovery meetings are interactive, discussion-based sessions focused on practical problem-solving. Participants share current challenges and work together to find solutions using SMART tools and techniques. There’s no set script—meetings adapt to address the needs of attendees that day. Facilitators guide discussions, but encourage participant interaction and peer support.

Q: Does SMART Recovery have a higher success rate than AA?

A: Research suggests both programs can be effective, with success rates being roughly comparable when participants actively engage. The best program is often the one that best matches your personality, beliefs, and preferences rather than one that has universally higher success rates than the other.

Q: Can I attend both SMART Recovery and AA meetings simultaneously?

A: Absolutely. Many people successfully combine both programs, as they complement each other well. SMART Recovery’s practical tools can enhance the spiritual foundation of AA, while AA’s community support can strengthen SMART’s self-empowering approach. There’s no requirement to choose just one program.

Q: Can SMART Recovery be combined with AA for addiction support?

A: Yes, SMART Recovery explicitly encourages combining their program with other recovery strategies, including Twelve-Step programs like AA. The skills-based tools from SMART can work alongside AA’s spiritual principles to provide a more comprehensive recovery approach tailored to your individual needs.

Q: What are the key differences between SMART Recovery and AA?

A: The main differences center on:

  • Foundation: SMART is secular and evidence-based; AA is spiritual.
  • Personal power: SMART emphasizes self-reliance; AA emphasizes admitting powerlessness.
  • Meeting structure: SMART focuses on skill-building discussions; AA follows structured sharing and step work.
  • Timeframe: SMART has flexible participation; AA encourages lifelong involvement.
  • Identity: SMART avoids addiction labels; AA embraces them as part of recovery.

Q: How do the principles of SMART Recovery differ from those of AA?

A: SMART Recovery’s 4-Point Program focuses on building motivation, coping with urges, managing thoughts and behaviors, and living a balanced life through practical skills. AA’s principles center on the 12 Steps, which emphasize spiritual awakening, admitting powerlessness, making amends, and helping others. SMART principles are action-oriented and self-directed, while AA principles are spiritually guided and community-supported.

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What Does Making Amends Mean?

Making amends involves acknowledging and correcting past behaviors. It’s a transformational part of addiction recovery that takes courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to change. 

Making amends helps repair relationship problems caused by addiction. While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful. This can be a powerful way to move your healing journey forward. 

What Are Amends?

When you make amends, you acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions that have hurt others. They take different forms, including direct amends, indirect amends, and living amends.

Direct Amends

A direct amend entails taking ownership of your actions and confronting the person you’ve harmed in person. Here are some examples of direct amends: 

  • Offering a loved one a sincere apology, face to face
  • Settling financial debts that came up during addiction
  • Replacing property you’ve damaged 

Indirect Amends 

Direct amends aren’t the best approach when they end up doing you or the other person more harm than good. Instead, you can make an indirect amend, which involves changing behaviors that led to the relationship damage. There are different ways to make indirect amends:

  • Learning healthy communication in therapy
  • Writing a letter to apologize to someone you hurt emotionally 
  • Volunteering to support people affected by addiction

Living Amends

Living amends are lifestyle changes you make for the better. These actions show your commitment to long-term recovery:

  • Attending an addiction treatment program
  • Learning how to manage your emotions in therapy
  • Mentoring young people in your local community

What Step in AA Is Making Amends?

Step 9 of the Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) 12-Step program is about making direct amends1 to people whenever possible. The only exception is when it harms you or the other person. (Step 8 is to make a list of all the people you may have harmed during addiction.)

Many people find that the support they receive from AA meetings helps them prepare to make amends. Talking with your sober community about your history with drugs or alcohol can help you identify what you need to make amends for. 

What’s the Difference Between Making Amends and an Apology?

An apology is expressing regret or saying sorry for causing harm to someone. Amends often include apologies, but they go beyond words. Making an amend means taking accountability and action to repair any damages done. Through these restorative actions, you demonstrate your commitment to change.

What Are Challenges With Making Amends?

Making amends is hard. It’s common to struggle with feelings of guilt or shame. And it can be intimidating to be uncertain about how the other person will react. 

It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to start making amends. If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person. While you may genuinely want to repair your relationships, it’s a good idea to focus on your sobriety first. This looks different for different people. For example, some people may require medically supervised detox as a first step, followed by residential alcohol treatment.  

As challenging as making amends may seem, remember: you’re human. We make mistakes from time to time. Owning past mistakes and taking action to correct them shows huge growth. 

How to Make Amends

Amends are personal—there’s no right or wrong way to do them. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can apply these general steps to your own process:

1. Acknowledge What Happened

Recognize and acknowledge your behaviors that caused harm to someone else. 

2. Take Responsibility

Accept responsibility for the impact of your actions on others.

3. Make a List

You may have a list of people you want to make amends to personally. If you’re following the 12 Steps, making a list is Step 8.

4. Express Remorse

Apologize for the hurt you caused. Keep in mind that sincerity goes a long way; apologizing for the sake of it can backfire. 

5. Take Action

Take action to correct past mistakes—for example, paying someone back.

6. Commit to Change

Show that you take growth seriously by changing harmful behaviors.

7. Be Patient and Understanding

Be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view. They might not forgive you right away, and that’s okay.

Making Amends Examples

Here are some examples of what making amends can look like: 

Apologizing for the Way You Behaved

You may have damaged a relationship by saying things you didn’t mean while under the influence. In this scenario, you can start by acknowledging your past behavior. You could reach out to the other person and ask them if they’re open to talking to you. If they are, making amends might include apologizing in person, acknowledging the harm caused, and outlining steps to rebuild your trust. (This is an example of a direct amend.)

Committing to Family Therapy 

Substance abuse hurts the people around us, especially family members. In this case, you may have strained family relationships. Making amends involves opening up a conversation with your family member again and demonstrating your dedication to staying sober. You could commit to family therapy, where you’ll learn to rebuild healthy connections. (This is an example of a direct and living amend.) 

When Not to Make Amends

Making amends can help you repair your relationships. However, there are situations where it might not be appropriate. If approaching the other person opens up old wounds or re-traumatizes them, making amends isn’t advisable. If interacting with someone re-traumatizes you, or increases your risk of relapse, you might want to reconsider approaching them. 

How to Respond to Someone Who Makes Amends

It’s hard to find the right response to someone making amends. You likely have a lot of emotions surrounding the situation. That’s normal, and you don’t have to respond right away. It takes time and courage to listen with an open heart. 

When you’re ready to receive someone’s amends, certain practices can make the process smoother: 

  • Listen with an open mind.
  • Take your time.
  • Be honest about your feelings.
  • Set clear boundaries. 
  • Be open to forgiving the other person. 
  • Focus on your own healing.

How Making Amends Benefits Your Recovery

Substance abuse ruins our relationship2 with ourselves and others. Making amends empowers you to start repairing that damage, and benefits your healing journey in many ways: 

  • Repairing trust takes time, but can lead to an even stronger relationship. 
  • Taking responsibility for past mistakes grows your personal accountability.
  • Taking action shows your commitment to change. 
  • Addressing your past wrongs can relieve feelings of guilt or shame. 
  • You may find closure by addressing unresolved issues. 
  • Making amends enhances your empathy and understanding. 

Find Support and Connect With Others

Making amends is challenging, but the outcome can be one of the most rewarding parts of recovery. After all, connection is the cornerstone of healing.

When you’re ready to make amends, you can find support to guide you through the process. Connect with 12-Step treatment programs to start planning your recovery.

What is making amends in addiction recovery?

Making amends is the process of acknowledging and repairing harm you caused to others as a result of addiction. It can involve apologizing, returning stolen property, or paying someone back. Making amends helps restore trust, rebuild relationships, and shows commitment to change. This process can help your recovery by allowing you to move forward with your life.  

What are the different types of amends?

Direct amends involve apologizing to the person you have harmed and taking action to repair the damage. For example, you pay back money you stole from someone. Indirect amends involve changing behaviors without directly contacting the person you’ve harmed. Living amends involve making lifestyle changes that embody your commitment to recovery. For example, if you’ve been struggling with alcohol addiction, you could make a living amend by attending AA and staying sober.

How do I make amends?

The best way to make amends is to be sincere and do the right thing for you and the other person. You can start by acknowledging your mistakes, accepting responsibility for your actions, sincerely apologizing, and making plans to repair the damage. Be patient and understanding; it may take time for the other person to forgive you.

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What Is a “Dry Drunk”?

A “dry drunk” is someone who’s sober but still experiencing some of the emotions and behaviors caused by alcohol use. The term also describes someone who returns to an immature mindset1 after years or decades of impairment—arguably, back to how old they were when they began drinking. Other effects include irritability and impulsiveness. 

The term came about when Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) first began. AA members coined it2 as a non-negotiable stage of alcohol recovery. Later, psychiatrists and addiction specialists added their own twists to the definition, but generally agreed it’s part of recovery as a whole.

Who’s Most at Risk of Dry Drunk Syndrome?

Everyone in alcohol addiction recovery risks dry drunkenness, but it does become more likely for some specific groups.

Someone Who Never Went to Treatment

Not everyone needs professional alcohol addiction treatment, especially if their addiction isn’t severe. Or so it may feel.

Some forms of treatment, like outpatient therapy, address why/how drinking became a coping tool. Without treatment, you lose the chance to identify trauma, mental health conditions, and instill positive coping skills. Treatment can also help you process having an addiction. 

Without treatment, you risk developing dry drunk syndrome.

Someone Who Didn’t Complete Treatment

Anyone that prematurely left addiction treatment likely won’t enjoy the inner healing it can provide. You may not heal the underlying issues of addiction if you don’t finish treatment, resulting in dry drunk syndrome. 

Someone Who Had Poor Treatment

You may have gone to treatment but felt like you didn’t benefit from it. Maybe the facility wasn’t up to par, or you just couldn’t relate to their methods. Factors like that could keep you from fully engaging in treatment and experiencing healing. 

Other Nuances of Dry Drunk Syndrome 

Some symptoms of dry drunk syndrome mimic physical health issues2, like allergies and hypoglycemia. In early AA days, some members wrongly assumed more serious health conditions were simply a phase of their recovery. When those symptoms were medically addressed, they were no longer dry drunk.

So, it’s important to remember the signs and symptoms of dry drunk syndrome. That way, you can differentiate its symptoms from another health condition and get the treatment you need.

What Are The Signs of Dry Drunk Syndrome?

The signs of dry drunk syndrome2 include:

Changes in Mood 

You may feel more down, hopeless, or irritated than normal. You might also feel out of control since you can’t use your old coping tool anymore. Or, your mood could turn aggressive, and you may snap at your friends and family. 

Difficulty Concentrating

Feeling confused, disoriented, or distracted can make it hard to concentrate. Dry drunk syndrome can cause those feelings, affecting your work, school, and daily interpersonal life. 

Isolating

Feeling low, irritable, and ashamed of your feelings could lead to isolation. Or, you may want to deal with those feelings on your own, which could cause you to spend more and more time in isolation. That could mean staying in your room, overstaying at work, or becoming emotionally isolated around others. 

Engaging in Other Addictive Behaviors

You may turn to other substances1 in lieu of alcohol. These include “innocent” replacements, like caffeine, and even narcotics like cocaine. Other popular replacements include vapes and cigarettes, which contain nicotine. Excessively using nicotine or caffeine may seem better than using alcohol, but the underlying cause of addiction remains unaddressed.

Going Back to Old Bars

Despite not drinking anymore, you may feel drawn to the bars you used to go to and the social circles you were in. You may go to reconnect with old friends or another part of yourself. But doing so could tempt you into a relapse.

Habitual Lying

Hiding alcohol use and addiction usually requires lying, which can be a hard habit to break for those with dry drunk syndrome. You may find yourself lying about small or unimportant truths, creating trust issues with you and your loved ones. 

Anger And Resentment

In an attempt to avoid self-blame, rather than absolving it, you may blame others for personal errors. This could present as frequent anger outbursts, constant anger, and having a short fuse. You may also resent others for causing your addiction or contributing to it. Or, you might resent those who have gotten sober and seem perfectly happy.

Exaggerated Self-Importance

You may expect praise and positive attention for getting sober. This could lead to an exaggerated sense of self-importance, as you believe you’re owed praise. Receiving praise could then fuel that belief. Treatment can help you feel proud of your sobriety without the praise of others, which could prevent this symptom of dry drunk syndrome. 

How Is Dry Drunk Syndrome Treated?

To treat dry drunk syndrome, you and your care providers will likely return to your addiction’s root cause.  A therapist, psychologist, or addictions counselor will use various techniques to help you identify the factors that lead to addiction and find a path forward. These techniques include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps you identify and address the thoughts and emotions behind your behaviors. For dry drunk syndrome, you’ll go back to what may have caused your addiction and how that unresolved cause still affects your present self. You and your therapist will then begin the healing process to resolve those issues and relieve you from dry drunk syndrome. 

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

DBT helps you accept strong emotions, navigate their effects, and learn tools for interpersonal communication. This therapy targets the emotions of dry drunk syndrome and the strong feelings that may have led to substance use in the first place. DBT usually takes place in a group setting with a classroom-like structure. You’ll learn new skills, accept your emotions, and explore ways to better yourself.

Holistic Therapies

Holistic therapies can help you navigate dry drunk syndrome by fostering your mind-body connection. Connecting deeper to yourself can open your eyes to the emotions that drove your addiction and how dry drunk syndrome continues to have those emotional effects. Holistic therapies for dry drunk syndrome include

The 12 Steps

Many of the original Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) members followed the 12 Steps to alleviate dry drunk syndrome. Those same principles still apply today. As the earlier members found relief through surrender and commitment to abstinence, so can you. Many rehabs and outpatient programs use the 12 Steps in treatment. And, you can keep going to AA meetings as long as you want, even after you leave treatment. You’re always welcome there.

Find A Support Group

12-Step groups exist worldwide. To find one near you, you can use AA’s meeting finder. You can also attend a rehab with a 12-Step focus.
To see 12-Step rehabs, you can browse our list of centers to see reviews, photos, insurance information, and more.

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What Is a Sponsor in Addiction Recovery? 

As a mentor and friend, a sponsor supports every part of your recovery progress, and plays a vital role in guiding your recovery journey. Whether by answering questions, holding you accountable, or just listening, they can help you commit to healing. Sponsors can help in any phase of recovery, especially when you’re newly sober.

Having a sponsor in addiction recovery isn’t mandatory. However, most 12-Step programs encourage you to find one. To do that, it’s important to understand the purpose of this relationship.

What Does a Sponsor Do?

A sponsor does a lot of different things, but their primary role is to offer guidance. In most 12-Step programs, a sponsor is a senior member1 who has been sober for at least a year. With personal experience in recovery, they can help you learn how to work the 12 Steps. 

Sponsorship is one of the key differences between 12-Step vs. non-12-Step programs. Studies show sponsorship leads to better recovery outcomes.2 Once you connect with your sponsor, you can come to them with any questions about addiction and the program itself. For example, say you have a few tough weeks and miss a couple of meetings. Expect a call from your sponsor to get you back on track. Your sponsor’s job is to hold you accountable, encouraging you to do the work to attain and maintain your sobriety.

Qualities of a Good Sponsor

A good sponsor is there for you but also knows when to let you figure things out for yourself. You should always feel comfortable reaching out to them for help. Here are some qualities to look for in a sponsor:3

  • They can guide you in the right direction: Your sponsor can answer your questions about membership, the 12 Steps, and addiction. They’ll also encourage your program attendance and participation. A good sponsor knows you’re responsible for yourself and capable of making your own decisions. Still, they’ll give you a nudge to keep you moving forward if you ever need it.
  • They set boundaries: It’s always okay to ask your sponsor for support. But a good sponsor lets you know when contacting them is appropriate. You can agree on times and ways to connect that work for both of you. 
  • They listen and offer support: Your sponsor is there to advise and support you—but they’re not your therapist. A good sponsor knows when a professional should step in. They may even connect you with outside resources.
  • They’re patient: Addiction recovery takes time. A good sponsor understands that you’ll face challenges as you adjust to sobriety. They’ll keep supporting you even when you’re having a hard time.
  • They understand you: With an understanding sponsor, it’s easier to ask for help. You might seek someone with a similar background to yours. Maybe you’re a mom of 4. A sponsor who has been through motherhood and addiction might understand you on a deeper level. But everyone’s needs are different. Sometimes it’s better to find a sponsor with a different history of addiction. You never know what you can learn from a new perspective. Considering your unique recovery goals can help you find the right fit.

What Does a Sponsor Not Do?

There are some things your sponsor shouldn’t do.4 Even if you like them as a person, you should be wary if your sponsor shows any red flags: 

  • They impose their personal views on you: Your sponsor shouldn’t judge your recovery process. They might have similar experiences, but only you know what’s best for you. A sponsor should never urge you to make a decision based solely on their own beliefs. 
  • You’re already close with them: It’s not a good idea to have a loved one as your sponsor. You should be able to trust your sponsor and open up to them. Sometimes, personal relationships can lead to bias.
  • They exploit you: Your sponsor should never try to take advantage of you. Anyone in early recovery is in a vulnerable space. Your sponsor should understand that and do everything they can to empower you.
  • They’re not engaged in the program: If your sponsor regularly misses meetings, or you question their sobriety, they likely aren’t the best person to help you.
  • They believe they have every answer: A good sponsor isn’t afraid to say, “I don’t know.” If you feel like your sponsor always thinks they’re right or never considers another way, they might not be a good choice.

If you notice red flags like these, reach out to trusted members of your support network, both in and outside of AA. You can also talk to your therapist. And remember: you always have the right to change sponsors. AA’s literature on sponsorship5 specifies: 

We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.

How to Find a Sponsor

Typically, the process of finding a sponsor is informal. You might notice someone in the 12-Step program you admire. Maybe their outlook on sobriety inspires you, or they seem very open and honest. All you have to do is ask them to be your sponsor. Then, they can either accept or decline.

As a newcomer, you can also ask around the program. At some meetings, the leader may ask people who want to become sponsors to raise their hands. You can also ask people you meet if they know of anyone interested in taking on that role.

Your Responsibilities as a Sponsee

Just like your sponsor, you’ll have certain responsibilities in this relationship. Here are some tips to be a good sponsee:

  • Show up: Attending meetings regularly helps you stay on track. Try to let your sponsor know in advance if you have to miss a meeting.
  • Respect your sponsor’s boundaries: After you and your sponsor agree on boundaries, it’s important to honor them. Your sponsor has their own responsibilities outside of your recovery process. Of course, there may be times when you need to call them out of the blue. But this is an opportunity to practice building respectful relationships. Recognizing the other person’s needs is an important part of that process.
  • Work the 12 Steps: Show your sponsor that you’re just as committed to your recovery as they are. You can do this by working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous or another 12-Step program. Sometimes you might leave meetings with assignments. Dedicate time to work on your sobriety outside of the program. Then, talk to your sponsor about your progress.
  • Don’t overshare: It’s easy to overshare as you become more comfortable with your sponsor. There’s nothing wrong with seeing your sponsor as a friend. But your sponsor isn’t your partner, your parent, or a clinician. They’re just one person in your wider support network. 

In most 12-Step programs, your sponsor plays an integral role. Still, many people reach sobriety without a sponsor at any point in addiction recovery. It all depends on what makes the most sense for your recovery process. 

Learn more about sponsorship and 12-Step rehab programs that might be a good fit for you.

Frequently Asked Questions About AA Sponsorship

What’s the role of a sponsor in my recovery?

A sponsor serves as a mentor and guide, providing crucial support throughout your recovery journey. They offer guidance, answer questions about addiction and the program, and help you work the 12 Steps. While having a sponsor isn’t mandatory, it’s highly encouraged in most 12-Step programs for better outcomes.

What qualities should I look for in a good sponsor?

A good sponsor should be knowledgeable and able to give guidance, while also maintaining healthy boundaries and encouraging your personal responsibility. A good sponsor listens, offers support, and understands the challenges of addiction recovery. Finding someone who understands your background and recovery goals can be beneficial.

What are red flags to watch out for in a sponsor?

While sponsors are meant to support your recovery, there are certain warning signs to be aware of. A sponsor should not impose their personal views, exploit you, or be disengaged from the program. It’s also important to avoid choosing a sponsor who is a close friend or family member to maintain objectivity. If you notice any red flags, seek support from other trusted people in your support network and consider changing sponsors.

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What Is the 13th Step in AA? 6 Ways to Protect Yourself and Your Recovery

Recovery should be a place where you feel safe, supported, and respected. Unfortunately, some people in recovery groups experience unwanted romantic or sexual advances from other members. This behavior is often called the “13th step,” and it’s important to know that it’s never okay.

If someone has made you uncomfortable in a recovery setting, you’re not alone. Many people have experienced this, and it’s not your fault. If you’re new to recovery, being aware of this unfortunately common pattern can help you recognize problematic behavior and take steps to protect yourself and your healing process.

Remember: You have the right to feel secure and respected in any recovery space—your safety and ability to continue healing matter most. Let’s take a closer look at what the 13th step is, why it happens, and how to stay safe while getting the support you deserve. 

What Is the 13th Step?

The “13th step” isn’t an official part of AA’s 12-Step program. It’s a term that describes when someone with more recovery time pursues a romantic or sexual relationship with a newcomer to the program. This typically involves someone who has been sober for months or years approaching someone in their first few weeks or months of recovery.

The key issue is the difference in recovery experience and the power that comes with it. Someone who has been in recovery longer often has more influence in the group and may be seen as a role model. This dynamic can make it very difficult for newcomers to say no to advances, even when they want to.

Understanding 13th-Stepping Behavior

Even when “13th stepping” isn’t intentionally predatory, it can still be harmful because of the power dynamics involved.

People who are new to recovery are in an especially vulnerable place. Early recovery is often marked by emotional instability,1 low self-esteem, and difficulty setting healthy boundaries. A lot of newcomers are also dealing with damaged relationships from their past and may be socially isolated.

People with seniority in recovery programs often hold informal authority within their groups. When someone in this position shows romantic interest, it can feel flattering at first. But it also creates pressure that someone newer to the group may not feel prepared to handle. Even with good intentions, pursuing someone in early recovery takes advantage of their vulnerable state and can seriously harm their healing process.

Thirteenth-stepping is woefully common. Investigative reporter and founder of the The 13th Step podcast Lauren Chooljian, who led a 3-year investigation into predatory conduct by the founder of one support group in New Hampshire, points how just how well-known this practice is: 

If you’ve never heard this phrase before, it’s likely that you’re not in recovery. Because people in recovery will tell you this is just the most common thing. I had someone tell me that they heard it first in the ’70s. In the history of addiction treatment, you’ll see it right there with the adoption of Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s a thing that has been around, but a lot of us haven’t been paying enough attention to see it.

The Risks and Dangers of 13th Stepping

Early recovery requires intense focus on healing and building new life skills. Romantic relationships, especially complicated ones, can pull attention and energy away from this critical work. The excitement or stress of a new relationship can become a distraction when your brain and emotions are already dealing with the challenges of early sobriety.2

Increased Stress and Relapse Risk 

Even good relationships involve work and can be consuming at times. But relationships with unhealthy dynamics can be downright draining. Romantic relationships have a way of triggering our most deeply held wounds. Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and developer of emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples, explains in her book Hold Me Tight:3 

Our past history with loved ones shapes our present relationships. In moments of disconnection when we cannot safely engage with our lover, we naturally turn to the way of coping that we adopted as a child, the way of coping that allowed us to hold on to our parent, at least in some minimal way.

This activation can often be a profound opportunity for healing. But in early recovery, it can all be too much. Heightened tensions and emotions can be relapse triggers, and breakups can truly disrupt your recovery process. 

Loss of Safe Spaces 

When someone in your recovery group pursues you romantically, it can make meetings uncomfortable or even unsafe. You might feel like you can’t say no without losing your place in the group. Some people end up leaving their support system entirely to avoid an uncomfortable situation, which cuts them off from crucial recovery resources.

Risk of Harm 

In some cases, 13th stepping involves more serious boundary violations or even assault. The informal structure of many recovery groups can make it difficult to report problems or hold people accountable for predatory behavior or sexual misconduct. 

Chooljian reports that while we often think of recovery as taking place in active drug addiction,

We don’t talk as often about, once substance abuse has ended, it doesn’t mean your brain is back to normal and everything’s fine, your life’s back in order. You’re basically finding out who you are all over again. And so to have an understanding of consent, when you’re still rebuilding your life and trying to figure out the next, healthier phase, is extremely difficult. While the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have helped millions of people, I learned through my reporting that they can also be easily exploited because of the way the program is built.

Who Can Be a 13th Stepper?

Anyone can engage in 13th stepping behavior, regardless of their age, gender, or background. The key factor is the difference in recovery experience and group status, not personal characteristics. Someone who has been sober for 2 years has significantly more recovery experience than someone with 2 months.

Age, gender, and social status add more layers to these power imbalances. But 13th stepping can happen between people of any background when there’s a significant difference in recovery time and group standing. The problems occur when someone takes advantage of newcomers’ vulnerability to pursue romantic or sexual relationships with them.

Can Relationships Work in Recovery Communities?

Most experts strongly recommend avoiding romantic relationships during early recovery.4 The first year of sobriety is a time of major life changes when your emotions are heightened and your entire lifestyle is in flux. Your brain and emotions are still healing, and recovery requires all of your attention and energy.

Even relationships between people with similar recovery time can be problematic. When a romantic relationship in a recovery group ends, it affects the whole community. Fear of running into an ex-partner at meetings can drive someone away from a support system that has become a core piece of their sobriety.

Recovery communities work best when they focus on healing and mutual support, not romantic connections. If you’re interested in dating, consider meeting people who lead recovery-friendly lifestyles outside of your recovery circles to protect your safe space for healing.

How to Stay Safe in 12-Step Programs

Your safety and recovery always come first. These strategies can help you protect yourself while still getting the support you need:

1. Trust your instincts. 

    If someone makes you uncomfortable, that feeling is valid. You don’t need to prove that someone has bad intentions to remove yourself from an uncomfortable situation. If someone’s attention feels unwanted or inappropriate, it probably is.

    2. Consider taking a break from dating. 

      Many people in recovery find it helpful to focus solely on their sobriety during their first year. This gives you time to strengthen your recovery foundation and develop better boundary-setting skills before navigating romantic relationships.

      3. Build a strong support network. 

        Connect with multiple people in your recovery community, not just one person. Having several sources of support makes it harder for anyone to isolate you or make you feel dependent on them. Consider finding a sponsor whose gender or orientation doesn’t pose a risk of sexual tension if that feels safer.

        4. Understand healthy sponsorship. 

          A sponsor’s role is to guide you through the 12 Steps and share their experience. They should never pressure you to make specific decisions, ask for personal favors, or cross physical boundaries. If a sponsor behaves inappropriately, you have every right to find a new one.

          5. Speak up about predatory behavior. 

            If someone makes you uncomfortable, talk to people you trust. You can also contact group leadership or look for a different meeting. Remember, you’re not responsible for managing someone else’s behavior, but you do have the right to protect yourself.

            6. Know you have options. 

              There are many different addiction recovery meetings and groups available. If one group doesn’t feel safe, you can find another. Online meetings have also expanded options for people who need alternative support systems.

              Protecting Your Recovery Journey

              Your healing journey deserves to unfold in a safe, supportive environment. You have the right to seek help without having to worry about unwanted advances. Trust your instincts, build strong support networks, and remember that your healing and safety are the most important priorities.

              If you’ve been traumatized by an experience in your recovery group and need support, see our resource guide for survivors of sexual assault to find the help that’s right for you.

              FAQs

              Q: What is the 13th step?

              A: The 13th step is an unofficial term that refers to when a more experienced member of the group pursues a romantic or sexual relationship with a newcomer to AA or other 12-Step programs. AA only has 12 official steps—this term describes a problematic dynamic that can harm people in early recovery.

              Q: What does “13th stepping” mean in recovery communities?

              A: “13th stepping” is the act of pursuing romantic or sexual relationships with newcomers to AA meetings. It involves more senior AA members using their recovery experience, group status, or informal authority to approach newer members who are in a vulnerable state. Even when intentions seem good, this behavior takes advantage of power imbalances and can seriously impact someone’s recovery journey.

              Q: What are the controversies surrounding the 13th step in recovery programs?

              A: The main controversy is that while some people engage in this behavior with seemingly good intentions, it still causes harm due to the innate power imbalance. There’s also debate about when relationships in recovery might be appropriate and how recovery communities should address concerning behavior. A lot of AA groups struggle to balance supporting members while protecting vulnerable newcomers.

              Q: What are the risks associated with 13th stepping in recovery groups?

              A: The risks include: 

              • Distracting newcomers from their recovery work
              • Increasing stress and relapse risk
              • Making support groups feel unsafe
              • Potentially leading to more serious boundary violations

              When these relationships end badly, people sometimes leave their recovery community entirely, meaning they lose vital support during a vulnerable time.

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              What Is the Success Rate of Alcoholics Anonymous?

              Even if you’re just starting recovery, you’ve probably heard of the 12 Steps. This philosophy started in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.), and has grown into countless other 12-Step groups and rehab programs. For many people, the 12 Steps are central to the process of healing. 

              But how effective are the 12 Steps, really? Some people swear by them—but they’re not right for everyone. When you’re planning your recovery, it’s important to choose the best possible approach for you. That could include 12-Step rehab, alternative treatment, or something else entirely. 

              What is Alcoholics Annonymous?

              Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is an international fellowship of men and women who have struggled with alcohol addiction. AA is a non-profit organization that operates on a voluntary basis, and its members support each other in their journey towards sobriety.

              The program is based on the twelve steps, which are spiritual principles that guide individuals towards a new way of living. The steps involve admitting powerlessness over alcohol, making a moral inventory of oneself, making amends to those harmed by addiction, and seeking spiritual guidance.

              AA meetings are held regularly and provide a supportive environment for members to share their experiences, strength, and hope with each other. Members are encouraged to work with a sponsor, who is someone further along in the program and can provide guidance and support.

              AA does not endorse or promote any particular religion or belief system and is open to anyone who wants to stop drinking. The anonymity of members is respected, and the organization is self-supporting through contributions from its members.

              Understanding the 12 Steps of AA

              Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) began in the 1930s.1 It was co-founded by Bill Wilson—or Bill W.—and his colleague Dr. Bob. Both men were in recovery from alcohol addiction when they met. Through their friendship, they realized how crucial peer support was for their sobriety. Over time they developed the 12 Steps and began hosting meetings for other people in addiction recovery.

              The 12 Steps themselves are specific actions a person can take to heal from addiction. Step 1, for example, reads “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” Members of these groups encourage each other to follow these steps toward ongoing sobriety. 

              Sponsorship is another core tenet of A.A.2 and other 12-Step groups. Members with some experience in recovery can sponsor newer participants. In these 1:1 relationships, sponsors offer support and fellowship. You’ll cultivate a close relationship with your sponsor, so you can call on them for help at any point in your healing journey. 

              Faith-Based Recovery

              This approach is faith-based, meaning that participants express their faith in a higher power. Despite its roots in Christianity, the 12-Step philosophy welcomes people of any and all religious backgrounds. In Step 3, for instance, members submit themselves “to the care of God as we understood Him.” If you find comfort in spirituality, the 12 Steps might be a good fit during addiction treatment.

              Free Meetings Around the World

              12-Step groups like A.A. are best known for their free, peer-led meetings. According to the A.A. website, anyone who “wants to do something about their drinking problem”3 is welcome. During a meeting you might pray, listen to a guest speaker, share your story, or hear from other members. Every meeting is a little different, and there are countless sessions to choose from. These meetings take place all over the world—you can even find them online.

              The 12 Steps in Rehab

              You can follow the 12 Steps on your own, in a peer-led meeting, or in formal addiction treatment. Many rehab programs are based on these ideals. Patients talk about the Steps in individual therapy and in group sessions. You might even attend peer-led meetings, either in your rehab or in the nearby community. If you start following the 12 Steps in rehab, you can easily join a local group once you complete treatment and return home. 

              How Effective Is A.A.?

              Data shows that A.A. is as effective as other types of addiction treatment.4 But it’s not right for everyone. For example, one study found that A.A. had a 42% success rate, compared to the 35% success rate of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). But Deborah Becker, a correspondent for NPR, explains that there’s a lot of nuance behind these numbers. “The thing that the researchers point out is that AA is free,” she says. “You don’t have to make an appointment. It’s open to everyone. And I think that is what they’re saying, is that it saves money, it’s very accessible, and it’s showing these long rates of continuous abstinence.”

              Other experts agree that the length of treatment plays a role. While A.A. and other approaches have similar success rates in the short term, the 12 Steps have higher long-term success rates.5 But researchers are still gathering data on this issue. We don’t know, for instance, whether other free, peer-led support groups are as effective as A.A. 

              Non-12-Step Support Groups

              Not everyone draws strength from spirituality, or from fellowship with groups of people. You might prefer 1:1 relationships with care providers or a small circle of loved ones. What’s more, A.A. encourages members to be completely sober.6 If you’re taking a harm-reductionist approach to recovery,  A.A. might not be a good fit. There are many other free, peer-led recovery groups to choose from. 

              SMART Recovery

              In SMART Recovery, SMART stands for Self-Management and Recovery Training. These groups are based on scientific principles instead of encouraging faith-based recovery. Members work toward self-empowerment through behavioral techniques. 

              Like A.A., this is a fellowship of people seeking recovery from addiction. Unlike those in A.A., SMART recovery facilitators have some formal training.7 They’ll offer concrete advice to help you plan your recovery. As member Jan L. writes, “If you are ready to do the work, and that’s a very big IF, SMART Recovery tools begin to work on day one.8 You do not have to come for weeks before you see progress.”

              Secular Organizations for Sobriety (S.O.S.)

              Secular Organizations for Sobriety, or S.O.S., is a network of groups that take place online and around the world. This non-profit also helps people begin new meetings to support people through addiction recovery. While not every group in S.O.S. shares the same ethos, none of these meetings are religious.

              LifeRing Secular Recovery

              Members of this organization heal “through the lens of LifeRing’s 3-S philosophy of Sobriety, Secularity, and Self-Help.” They support each other by candidly sharing their experiences and practical tips for recovery. 

              LifeRing participants strive to “strengthen the Sober Self” in free meetings,9 which take place both in person and online.

              Women for Sobriety (WFS)

              Unlike other non-12-Step groups, Women for Sobriety (WFS) offers far more than free, peer-led meetings. WFS is a non-profit organization that also performs addiction research, outreach, and helps establish mutual aid networks. They also hold meetings for women in recovery, both in person and online, as well as online chat rooms. Their services are open to all women, including trans women. 

              Moderation Management

              Moderation Management (MM) takes a harm-reductionist approach to recovery. In other words, these groups don’t require or even recommend that members be totally sober. As one member of their online community writes, “MM has given me something I’ve been missing10 for a long time: Hope. Hope that I can do this. I can’t imagine a life entirely without alcohol, and now I know I don’t have to. Armed with the tools necessary to feel empowered, I can abstain. And I can moderate. And I can make that decision for myself.”

              MM specifically focuses on moderating alcohol use, rather than drug use. These meetings are a good fit for people trying to drink less, who don’t want to cut alcohol out of their lives entirely. 

              Alternative Treatment Approaches

              While group meetings can be helpful, they’re just one part of an effective recovery plan. Many people also need more formal treatment. That could be as simple as seeing a therapist, or as comprehensive as attending residential rehab. 

              If the 12 Steps align with your values, you’ll have many rehab programs to choose from. But just as many rehabs take a different approach to addiction treatment. 

              Evidence-Based Treatment

              This type of care is founded on robust scientific research. Western medicine includes countless evidence-based treatments for physical and mental health. For example, an evidence-based rehab program might offer:

              Most evidence-based care follows predefined treatment protocols. But your provider may still recommend changes based on your exact needs. If you’d like to take this scientific approach to recovery, talk to your doctor or therapist about which specific therapies might be the best fit.

              Holistic Treatment

              Also called integrated, complementary, or alternative treatment, holistic rehab incorporates a variety of therapies. From acupuncture to naturopathic medicine, these modalities honor each client’s mind, body and spirit. 

              Holistic therapies come from global traditions of healing. Some of them, like meditation, are also evidence-based treatments for addiction.11 Others are available in rehab while experts continue to research them. These approaches aren’t offered as a substitute for evidence-based care. But in combination with other treatments, they can be crucial parts of your recovery process. 

              Is 12-Step Treatment Right for You?

              The 12 Steps work well for people who draw strength from their faith and community. If these values fit well with yours, A.A. or a similar group might be the right way to approach healing. 

              If this philosophy is central to your process, you can begin recovery in a 12-Step rehab program.

              Frequently Asked Questions About A.A. Success Rates

              What is the success rate of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.)?

              The success rate of A.A. is comparable to other types of addiction treatment. One study found that A.A. had a 42% success rate, compared to the 35% success rate of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). However, the length of treatment plays a role, and the 12 Steps have higher long-term success rates. It is important to note that A.A. is free and open to everyone, and shows long rates of continuous abstinence.

              How effective is A.A. in addiction recovery?

              A.A. is as effective as other types of addiction treatment. However, it’s not the right approach for everyone. It’s important to choose the best possible approach for you, which could include 12-Step rehab, alternative treatment, or something else entirely.

              Are there any non-12-Step support groups for addiction recovery?

              Yes, there are many non-12-Step support groups for addiction recovery. These include SMART Recovery, which is based on scientific principles instead of faith-based recovery, and Secular Organizations for Sobriety (S.O.S.), a non-profit organization that helps people begin new meetings online and around the world.

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              Sober Women of History

              Sober women have contributed to the recovery movement in America since it first began. Their early contributions helped make the recovery space more accessible and acceptable for women. 

              Women also advocated for gender-specific treatment, support groups, and 12-Step meetings. Their work is still felt around the world today. Some rehabs cater to just women, too. 

              Women in Recovery Who Made a Difference

              Each and every woman in recovery makes a difference. Women who challenged the stigma of addiction and recovery early on paved the way for continued advocacy, fresh recovery programs, and support. 

              Betty Ford (1918-2011)

              Former First Lady Betty Ford left a large mark on the addiction treatment scene and the stigma surrounding it. After a battle with opioid and alcohol addictions, an intervention, and treatment, Betty realized she was in a unique position to make a difference. 

              First Lady Betty Ford helped create her own treatment center, the Betty Ford Center, designed to help both men and women find recovery. Betty Ford Centers have since expanded across America. 

              The Betty Ford organization merged with the Hazelden Foundation in 2014. Hazelden pioneered the Minnesota-model of treatment1, which focuses on 12-Step treatment. Their merge broadened the impact of Betty’s first decision to make her addiction known and use her notoriety to help others.

              Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D (1923-2000)

              Jean Kirkpatrick, sociologist, formed Women for Sobriety in 1975. She attended 12-Step AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings throughout her recovery process. After finding a need for women-focused treatment, she created a solution herself: Women for Sobriety2. 

              Women for Sobriety groups meet across America now. Dr. Kirkpatrick’s history of repeated relapses, research, and life-long determination brought a gift to the world many women continue to enjoy. 

              Elizabeth Taylor (1932-2011)

              American actress Elizabeth Taylor lived a lavish, seemingly ideal life. But after a spinal surgery and other health conditions, she became addicted to prescription pain pills3. She also struggled with alcohol addiction. 

              Elizabeth Taylor made the decision to publicly announce her admittance to Betty Ford Center, Betty Ford’s first treatment center. By doing so, Elizabeth gave permission for other celebrities to do the same. She also normalized treatment for women—even pretty, successful ones like her.

              As a Hollywood Icon, Elizabeth Taylor embodied who many women wished they could be. So seeing her go to rehab, openly admit it, and then go again after a relapse may have been more impactful than she’ll ever realize.  

              Nora Volkow (1956-Present)

              Nora Volkow, current director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA), changed the way we see addiction. Her work in brain imagery showed that addiction isn’t a character flaw or personal failing. Rather, it’s a tangible change in the brain. 

              Her work contributed heavily to the disease model of addiction4. This revolutionized the old idea of addiction being something to punish. Now, for many, it’s something to treat.

              Women in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)

              Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) provides a resource for Americans struggling with alcohol addiction. While it didn’t specifically exclude women, they weren’t welcomed in the same way men were. Usually, women were seen as the supportive spouse, attending just for their husbands’ sake. Or, women were villainized for their addiction. 

              Some of the very first women in AA decided to change that.  

              Florence R. (?-1943)

              Florence was one of the very first members of AA5. She joined one of the pioneering groups in New York, wrote the first section written by a woman in the Big Book, and tried to start an AA group in Washington. 

              Though she didn’t succeed, and eventually returned to drinking, Florence made AA meetings somewhere women could go, too. Those early members became family to her—something that still happens to this day.

              In Florence’s case, just showing up to meetings made her an early AA icon. Despite her sobriety not lasting, she still made AA meetings a more accepting, open place for women.

              Marty Mann (1904-1980)

              Marty supported the disease model of addiction, a brave move at a time when it wasn’t yet proven. She was one of the first women to bring awareness to addiction6 as something to heal, not punish. Marty fought against the stigma women in particular received: that they were promiscuous, uncontrollable, and without value. Instead, she advocated for recovery through acceptance.

              Marty Mann also founded the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence. She encouraged other women to get help, and those in the LGBTQ+ community. As a gay woman, Marty Mann bridged gaps between 2 underserved communities and the help they deserved. 

              Dr. Ruth Fox (1896-1989)

              Dr. Fox became the first medical director of The National Council on Alcoholism in 1959. She was one of the first psychoanalysts to take alcoholic patients. And she pioneered the use of Antabuse7 to treat alcohol addiction, which we still use today.

              Dr. Ruth Fox also founded the American Medical Society on Alcoholism and Other Drug Dependencies. 

              Dr. LeClair Bissell (1928-2008)

              Dr. Bissell co-founded the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM)8. Like Marty Mann, she helped change the way the public saw addiction, women in recovery, and gay women. LeClair also advocated heavily for alcoholism treatment in professionals, specifically medical professionals. 

              All these women changed the way women and the world see recovery. They made healing seem like a safe option for women who were scared, embarrassed, and without hope–but wanted out.

              Those options for recovery still exist today, for men and women. And we have a lot of people to thank for that.

              Find a Recovery Program Today

              Much has changed from the early days of AA and recovery as a whole. While the stigma surrounding addiction hasn’t yet disappeared, these early women in recovery diminished it bit by bit. 
              Thanks to them and many others around the world, ethical, women-focused recovery programs exist globally. You can browse our list of women-only rehabs and see photos, reviews, insurance information, and more.

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              Is My Loved One Using Cocaine? How to Tell If Someone Is Using Cocaine

              Cocaine doesn’t have to control your loved one. The first step to their recovery might be recognizing signs of use, and then you can help them find a rehab for cocaine addiction. 

              You both have resources for recovery. But the more you know about cocaine use, and how to spot it, can help you help the ones you love. 

              How to Spot Cocaine Use

              Spotting cocaine use can be tricky. It has a seemingly endless list of slang names and pseudo-identities, making it hard to decipher what your loved one might be talking about. They could hide their behavior with more than sneaky names, too. But there are signs to look for1. 

              Physical Signs

              • Dilated pupils
              • Lack of appetite—it might seem like they barely eat
              • Rapid weight loss
              • Poor sleep
              • Disheveled appearance, lack of hygiene 

              Emotional And Mental Signs

              • Paranoid without reason
              • Hyperactivity—“bouncing off the walls”
              • Irritability
              • Anxious, more so than usual 
              • Extreme startle reactions, like jumping at the sound of a cabinet shutting

              Along with knowing the signs of cocaine use, you can also familiarize yourself with the street names for cocaine.

              Slang Names for Cocaine

              The nicknames for cocaine2 might surprise you. They’re creative, to put it positively. And they change based on the form of cocaine (crack, regular cocaine) and what it’s mixed with. 

              There’s a lot to keep track of, but knowing even just a few can help.

              • Snow
              • Stardust
              • Stash
              • Bouncing Powder
              • Coke
              • Coca
              • Flake
              • Devil’s Dandruff
              • Florida Snow
              • Joy Flakes

              You can also educate yourself on cocaine itself, and how it affects the mind and body.

              What Is Cocaine?

              Cocaine comes from the leaves of the coca plant1. It grows in South America. From there, it’s smuggled all across the globe.

              Cocaine causes a rush of euphoria3, which can last 2-20 minutes. This rush comes from a build up of dopamine in the brain—dopamine stacks up on the transmitters meant to receive it4, causing an intense flood of pleasure. 

              Neurotransmitters like dopamine jump between nerves and target cells. If the receptors aren’t working, all the received dopamine has nowhere to go—causing the high. Altering the usual transmission of dopamine can actually change the structure and function of your brain over time. 

              The crash, or comedown, from this high can quickly prompt a redose, sometimes until supplies or money run out. This is considered a binge1.

              You can ingest cocaine in multiple ways1. Some snort the white powder up their nose. Or, you might mix it with water and inject the mixture into a vein, using a syringe. If it’s crack cocaine, you can smoke it.

              Is There a Difference Between Cocaine and Crack?

              Chemically, no. Cocaine and crack are the same thing5, just in different forms. Crack isn’t any cheaper, either6. But it is more potent, easy to ingest, and wildly addictive.

              Crack looks like rocks, or crystals. It’s a smokeable version of cocaine5, derived from the same coca plant as cocaine. 

              For crack cocaine, you might see some of these slang terms:

              • Rock
              • Moon Rock
              • Apple Jack
              • Dice
              • Sleet
              • Yahoo
              • Yale
              • Top Gun
              • Base, Basing

              Mucous membranes absorb cocaine and crack cocaine7. You have a huge plane of mucous membrane in your lungs—the alveoli responsible for bringing oxygen to your blood. The inhaled crack smoke absorbs into the alveoli in the lungs rapidly, causing a nearly immediate high.

              A crack cocaine high fades faster, though. To avoid the crash, people might keep smoking until they run out of crack. And the more they ingest, the more likely they are to overdose and have negative long-term effects8. 

              The Effects of Cocaine Use

              Cocaine use can lead to heart problems8, like cardiac arrest and strokes. Inhaling it as crack can cause respiratory conditions. Snorting it could completely degrade your nasal passage over time. 

              Short-term, the effects of cocaine could range from paranoia to seizures9. And rarely, cocaine can cause sudden death after just one use. 

              Repeated use takes up more and more money and time. And the more it’s used, the more your brain changes. Addiction and tolerance to the drug can set in quickly1. 

              Cocaine use can also have unpredictable effects, usually caused by what it’s been cut with. The cutting agent could be harmless, but that’s not always the case.

              What Is Cocaine Cut With?

              Dealers may cut cocaine to up their profit10, selling a “watered down” version to unsuspecting buyers. Powder cocaine could be cut with baking soda, caffeine, sugars, or anesthetics. Visually, you’d likely never know it wasn’t pure cocaine.

              But cocaine could have harmful additives. Levamisole, a veterinary drug that kills parasites10, has made its way into 70% of cocaine in America. It causes necrosis11, which kills and rots the skin. 

              You can also mix cocaine with other drugs for new, sometimes preferred, effects.

              Cocaine Mixtures

              Users seeking a different high mix cocaine with other substances, like marijuana and tobacco. Nicknames for these mixtures include Woo-Woo, Woolies, Candy Flipping, Cocoa Puffs, and Boy-Girl.

              Certain blends, like alcohol and cocaine, are notably more dangerous. Cocaine and alcohol react12 and form a heart-toxic chemical, cocaethylene. Heroin and cocaine mix to form a speedball9, or an opiate and depressant blend. But cocaine wears off faster than heroin, potentially slowing your breathing to null as the full sedative effect of heroin hits.

              No mixture is predictable, or safe. Neither is cocaine by itself. But, for single and blended use, you can find recovery. 

              Treatment for Cocaine Addiction

              Cocaine addiction often requires a multi-pronged approach—detox, therapy, and medications13. And the more research scientists do, the better these options become. There’s even a cocaine vaccine in the works14. 

              Your loved one will most likely need to detox from cocaine in a safe, clinically monitored setting. There, they’ll have constant supervision, comfort medications, and begin the therapeutic healing process. This could be at a detox center or a residential rehab with on-site detox. 

              Once cocaine has left their system, inner healing work can begin.

              Therapy for Addiction

              Therapy can address and heal the causing factors of addiction. It can also motivate and empower your loved one to commit to their recovery, even when it gets hard. 

              Behavioral therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can challenge unhelpful thoughts and beliefs15. You’ll learn to shift your perspective of yourself to one that’s more positive. Rather than thinking “I’ll never get better”, CBT would challenge the thought with “Why not?”.

              Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)16 addresses black-and-white thinking. Your loved one can accept the problem of cocaine use and know they can get better. DBT can help with relapse too, as it helps patients identify unhelpful thoughts that could lead back to old coping mechanisms. 

              The 12 Steps

              The 12-Step program offers a place for members to connect and recover in a respected treatment program. Members follow 12 steps together, learning responsibility, accountability, and forgiveness. And the 12 Steps can run in and out of treatment—you don’t have to be in rehab to find a local group to attend. 

              The 12 Steps are often called AA (alcoholics anonymous) meetings. For cocaine use, you’ll likely see them called CA (cocaine anonymous). Each uses 12-Step practices to help members stay accountable and sober.

              Aftercare

              Contingency management (CM) can inspire greater dedication, during and after residential treatment. CM programs usually give out money, snacks, or vouchers as a reward13. And since you’ll actually get a reward for staying sober, attending recovery meetings, and going to treatment, you might find yourself more motivated to do it. 

              Your loved one can also keep attending 12-Step meetings as a form of aftercare. If they go to a residential rehab, they might have the opportunity to attend alumni groups, too. 

              Continued therapy and medications, if prescribed, can both contribute to long-term success. That’s why they’re both common forms of aftercare for cocaine addiction. If your loved one goes to rehab, they might offer continued 1:1 therapy with the same therapist. If not, they’ll likely connect you to further therapy as part of their discharge service.

              Find Power Through Recovery

              If you think your loved one is using cocaine, know that they, and yourself, have recovery resources. They can find new power and hope through recovery—addiction isn’t the end. 

              You can browse our list of rehabs for cocaine to see pricing, reviews, insurance, and photos of each facility. 


              Family members, you can check out these support groups: Co-Anon, Families Anonymous, and Stronger Together.