Tag: Twelve Step Facilitation

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AA Slogans: 10 Sayings That Support Your Recovery Journey

If you’ve spent any time around an AA meeting or look at the walls in a treatment center, you’ve probably seen short, punchy phrases like “First Things First” or “One Day at a Time.” They might sound like something you’d find on a bumper sticker or a coffee mug, but for millions of people in recovery, these AA slogans have become lifelines to rely on in the struggles life brings.

At first, some people may roll their eyes at them, which makes sense. When you’re hurting or feeling overwhelmed by alcohol addiction,1 a catchy phrase can feel dismissive. 

But over time, many come to realize that these sayings aren’t fluff. They’re reminders that carry the weight of lived experience. They’re simple, yes. But they speak to something deep.

Because when your mind is spiraling, your body is anxious, and you’re fighting off the pull of the first drink, you might just need a phrase that cuts through the noise and brings you back to center. Something that is grounding in moments that feel unstable.

These AA slogans are like small handrails on the recovery journey—anchors to grab onto when everything else feels shaky. In this article, we’ll explore 11 of the most well-known AA sayings, what they mean, and why they continue to matter.

What Are AA Slogans?

AA slogans are short, memorable phrases rooted in the history of Alcoholics Anonymous.2 They aren’t found in the official 12 Steps or 12 Traditions, but they’ve been passed down through decades of meetings, speaker shares, and conversations between sponsors and sponsees. 

Originally popularized by Bill W. and early AA members, these slogans often appear on signs at meetings or in the margins of the Big Book. They’re almost the unofficial language of the AA program. 

Their power lies in their simplicity. Each one captures a core truth of addiction recovery in just a few words. They’re easy to remember, which is helpful when your brain feels foggy or your nervous system is overloaded. And they work, in part, because they can be repeated. Over and over. And eventually, they start to take root.

AA Slogans and Why They Work

Each of the following slogans might sound simple on the surface, but beneath that simplicity is a lifetime of practice, pain, and perspective.

We’ll explore not only what these slogans mean, but why they matter. You’ll also see reflections from a therapist’s perspective on how they support the emotional and neurological healing that recovery requires.

1. One Day at a Time

Recovery from alcohol addiction can feel overwhelming if you think too far ahead. This slogan reminds AA members to stay grounded in the present moment. It’s one of the most well-known AA slogans because it focuses on the only thing you can control: today. Just for today, stay sober. Breathe. Begin again.

2. Easy Does It

When you’ve lived in chaos, calm can feel unnatural. This phrase is often heard in AA meetings as a counter to the inner critic that says “hurry up” or “do more.” Easy does it encourages emotional pacing, something often lost in early addiction recovery.

3. First Things First

This slogan helps filter out the noise. In Alcoholics Anonymous, first things first often means putting sobriety ahead of everything else, because without it, everything else crumbles. It’s an anchor in the storm of overthinking.

4. Progress, Not Perfection 

The drive for perfection can be paralyzing, especially in early recovery. This slogan, a cornerstone of the 12-Step Recovery, validates the messy middle. You don’t have to do it all perfectly. You just have to keep going. In therapy, we’d call this a shift from all-or-nothing thinking to self-compassionate curiosity.

5. This Too Shall Pass 

This phrase offers hope when you’re stuck in shame, grief, or cravings. It’s often repeated in AA meetings as a reminder that feelings are temporary. For someone resisting the first drink, this saying can help create a little distance between urge and action.

Keep Coming Back 

This isn’t just a phrase, it’s an invitation. Whether you relapsed, ghosted your sponsor, or are just tired of trying, this slogan reminds you that recovery is a process, not a performance. Keep coming back is about permission to return, even when you feel unworthy.

6. It Works If You Work It

The AA principles don’t just work because they’re printed in the Big Book—they work when practiced. This saying underlines the importance of active participation in the recovery process. Show up. Do the steps. Go to the AA meetings. And when you’re tempted to check out, remember that healing often starts when you engage, even imperfectly.

7. HALT (Don’t get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired)

This acronym is pure gold in mental health and recovery work. These four states are high-risk moments for impulsivity, irritability, or relapse. In therapy, we call this emotional hygiene. In AA, HALT is one way to take honest inventory before making choices that could sabotage your better life.

8. Just For Today 

This isn’t about denying the big picture—it’s about making it manageable. Just for today invites you to return to the now, especially when cravings, shame, or panic want to pull you into the future.

9. Live and Let Live 

Control is a coping strategy—but in recovery, learning to let go is often the bravest thing you can do. Live and let live is about recognizing where your responsibility ends and someone else’s begins. It’s an invitation to surrender the illusion that you can fix, manage, or predict everything.

10. Keep It Simple

Keep it simple is one of those AA sayings that seems obvious—until your mind is racing, your relationships are tense, and you’re trying to solve everything at once. Simplicity helps you find the next right thing, especially when you’re flooded or unsure.

The Psychology Behind Slogans

There’s a reason slogans stick.

Psychologically speaking, repetition rewires the brain.3 Slogans serve as verbal grounding tools—they disrupt spirals of fear, shame, or future-tripping by offering a more stabilizing thought. In clinical terms, they can help regulate the nervous system.

They also appeal to something universal in all of us: the desire for clarity, structure, and hope. In moments of emotional chaos, slogans be like little lanterns. They don’t fix everything, but they light the next step. Most of these phrases don’t even need a further description because you just know what they mean by reading them.

Using AA Slogans in Real Life

These aren’t just sayings for the meeting room, they’re tools you can take with you. You can write them in journals. Put them on sticky notes. Use them as mantras during cravings or conflict.

Here are a few ways you can use slogans:

  • As breathing prompts when anxiety or stress comes
  • As journal titles to reflect on daily progress
  • As reminders during a tough conversation or urge to drink
  • As grounding anchors during therapy or addiction treatment

Slogans help you return to something true without needing to sort everything out.

Do I Have to Believe in God to Use These?

Short answer: no.

Some slogans do reference God or a Higher Power, which can be challenging for folks with religious trauma or spiritual hesitation. But AA has long emphasized that your understanding of a Higher Power can be personal. Some people translate “Let Go and Let God” into “Let Go and Let Good.” Others think of God as Good Orderly Direction.

The point isn’t theological precision. It’s surrender. Releasing the need to control what you can’t. Trusting that healing is possible, even if you don’t have it all figured out.

Tools for the Journey

These slogans might seem small, but they can become scaffolding for a better life.

They remind us that healing doesn’t have to be flashy. That you don’t need to have all the answers to stay sober today. That it’s okay to begin again. That recovery is about progress, not perfection.

Whether you’re early in your recovery journey or simply trying to live with more presence and grace, AA slogans are quiet invitations to come back to what matters most.

Just for today, that might be enough.

Ready to strengthen your recovery journey?


AA slogans can be powerful reminders that keep you grounded and focused. If you or a loved one is seeking more support, explore treatment options that combine professional care with proven recovery tools. Find a treatment program near you today.

FAQs

Q: What are AA slogans, and why are they used?


 A: AA slogans are short, memorable phrases used in Alcoholics Anonymous4 to reinforce recovery principles and provide emotional grounding. They serve as quick reminders to stay present, let go of control, and focus on progress over perfection. These slogans are rooted in the 12-Step philosophy and help individuals regulate emotions, manage cravings, and reduce stress through repetition and reflection.

Q: Are AA slogans effective in addiction recovery?


 A: Yes, many individuals in recovery find AA slogans helpful. Research on cognitive-behavioral approaches in recovery suggests that positive affirmations and cognitive reframing5—both of which slogans promote—can reduce relapse risk and improve emotional regulation.

Q: Can I use AA slogans even if I’m not in a 12-Step program?


 A: Absolutely. These slogans offer universally helpful wisdom. Whether or not someone identifies with AA’s spiritual or group structure, the slogans can serve as self-help tools that promote mindfulness, alcohol use disorder treatment, acceptance, and emotional resilience.

Q: What’s the meaning of “One Day at a Time”?


 A: “One Day at a Time” encourages people in recovery to stay present and focus only on what they can manage today. This slogan helps reduce overwhelm, especially when thinking about lifelong sobriety feels intimidating. It’s closely related to mindfulness-based relapse prevention strategies, which promote moment-to-moment awareness as a coping skill.

Q: How does “Easy Does It” help in recovery?

 A: This slogan reminds individuals not to force solutions or act impulsively. In recovery, slowing down and responding thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally can prevent relapse and reduce stress. The phrase aligns with therapeutic principles of distress tolerance and emotional regulation, such as those found in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

Q: What’s the purpose of slogans like “Let Go and Let God”?


 A: “Let Go and Let God” encourages surrender—releasing control over things one cannot change. In the AA context, this slogan often reflects a spiritual trust in a higher power. Psychologically, it supports acceptance and reduced rumination, which are key in avoiding relapse triggers.

Q: Is there scientific support for using spiritual or motivational phrases in recovery?


 A: Yes. Studies have shown that spiritual practices and positive coping strategies—like prayer, meditation, and reflective mantras—can reduce substance use and improve mental health outcomes in recovery populations.

Q: Do these slogans replace therapy or medication?


 A: No, AA slogans are tools—not substitutes—for professional treatment. They’re most effective when used alongside counseling, medication (if needed), and peer support. They can, however, serve as powerful reminders in between therapy sessions or during moments of stress.

Q: How can I remember and apply AA slogans in daily life?


 A: Many people write them in journals, post them on mirrors, or repeat them during cravings or stressful moments. They’re designed to be short and sticky so they can be recalled when you need a mental reset.

Q: Are there criticisms of using slogans in recovery?


 A: Some critics argue that slogans may oversimplify complex emotional struggles. However, most professionals agree they’re valuable as part of a larger toolkit, especially when paired with structured therapy and peer support networks.

Q: Where can I learn more about AA and the 12 Steps?


 A: You can visit the Alcoholics Anonymous official website6 for information about the program, literature, and how to find a meeting.

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What Does Making Amends Mean?

Making amends involves acknowledging and correcting past behaviors. It’s a transformational part of addiction recovery that takes courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to change. 

Making amends helps repair relationship problems caused by addiction. While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful. This can be a powerful way to move your healing journey forward. 

What Are Amends?

When you make amends, you acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions that have hurt others. They take different forms, including direct amends, indirect amends, and living amends.

Direct Amends

A direct amend entails taking ownership of your actions and confronting the person you’ve harmed in person. Here are some examples of direct amends: 

  • Offering a loved one a sincere apology, face to face
  • Settling financial debts that came up during addiction
  • Replacing property you’ve damaged 

Indirect Amends 

Direct amends aren’t the best approach when they end up doing you or the other person more harm than good. Instead, you can make an indirect amend, which involves changing behaviors that led to the relationship damage. There are different ways to make indirect amends:

  • Learning healthy communication in therapy
  • Writing a letter to apologize to someone you hurt emotionally 
  • Volunteering to support people affected by addiction

Living Amends

Living amends are lifestyle changes you make for the better. These actions show your commitment to long-term recovery:

  • Attending an addiction treatment program
  • Learning how to manage your emotions in therapy
  • Mentoring young people in your local community

What Step in AA Is Making Amends?

Step 9 of the Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) 12-Step program is about making direct amends1 to people whenever possible. The only exception is when it harms you or the other person. (Step 8 is to make a list of all the people you may have harmed during addiction.)

Many people find that the support they receive from AA meetings helps them prepare to make amends. Talking with your sober community about your history with drugs or alcohol can help you identify what you need to make amends for. 

What’s the Difference Between Making Amends and an Apology?

An apology is expressing regret or saying sorry for causing harm to someone. Amends often include apologies, but they go beyond words. Making an amend means taking accountability and action to repair any damages done. Through these restorative actions, you demonstrate your commitment to change.

What Are Challenges With Making Amends?

Making amends is hard. It’s common to struggle with feelings of guilt or shame. And it can be intimidating to be uncertain about how the other person will react. 

It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to start making amends. If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person. While you may genuinely want to repair your relationships, it’s a good idea to focus on your sobriety first. This looks different for different people. For example, some people may require medically supervised detox as a first step, followed by residential alcohol treatment.  

As challenging as making amends may seem, remember: you’re human. We make mistakes from time to time. Owning past mistakes and taking action to correct them shows huge growth. 

How to Make Amends

Amends are personal—there’s no right or wrong way to do them. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can apply these general steps to your own process:

1. Acknowledge What Happened

Recognize and acknowledge your behaviors that caused harm to someone else. 

2. Take Responsibility

Accept responsibility for the impact of your actions on others.

3. Make a List

You may have a list of people you want to make amends to personally. If you’re following the 12 Steps, making a list is Step 8.

4. Express Remorse

Apologize for the hurt you caused. Keep in mind that sincerity goes a long way; apologizing for the sake of it can backfire. 

5. Take Action

Take action to correct past mistakes—for example, paying someone back.

6. Commit to Change

Show that you take growth seriously by changing harmful behaviors.

7. Be Patient and Understanding

Be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view. They might not forgive you right away, and that’s okay.

Making Amends Examples

Here are some examples of what making amends can look like: 

Apologizing for the Way You Behaved

You may have damaged a relationship by saying things you didn’t mean while under the influence. In this scenario, you can start by acknowledging your past behavior. You could reach out to the other person and ask them if they’re open to talking to you. If they are, making amends might include apologizing in person, acknowledging the harm caused, and outlining steps to rebuild your trust. (This is an example of a direct amend.)

Committing to Family Therapy 

Substance abuse hurts the people around us, especially family members. In this case, you may have strained family relationships. Making amends involves opening up a conversation with your family member again and demonstrating your dedication to staying sober. You could commit to family therapy, where you’ll learn to rebuild healthy connections. (This is an example of a direct and living amend.) 

When Not to Make Amends

Making amends can help you repair your relationships. However, there are situations where it might not be appropriate. If approaching the other person opens up old wounds or re-traumatizes them, making amends isn’t advisable. If interacting with someone re-traumatizes you, or increases your risk of relapse, you might want to reconsider approaching them. 

How to Respond to Someone Who Makes Amends

It’s hard to find the right response to someone making amends. You likely have a lot of emotions surrounding the situation. That’s normal, and you don’t have to respond right away. It takes time and courage to listen with an open heart. 

When you’re ready to receive someone’s amends, certain practices can make the process smoother: 

  • Listen with an open mind.
  • Take your time.
  • Be honest about your feelings.
  • Set clear boundaries. 
  • Be open to forgiving the other person. 
  • Focus on your own healing.

How Making Amends Benefits Your Recovery

Substance abuse ruins our relationship2 with ourselves and others. Making amends empowers you to start repairing that damage, and benefits your healing journey in many ways: 

  • Repairing trust takes time, but can lead to an even stronger relationship. 
  • Taking responsibility for past mistakes grows your personal accountability.
  • Taking action shows your commitment to change. 
  • Addressing your past wrongs can relieve feelings of guilt or shame. 
  • You may find closure by addressing unresolved issues. 
  • Making amends enhances your empathy and understanding. 

Find Support and Connect With Others

Making amends is challenging, but the outcome can be one of the most rewarding parts of recovery. After all, connection is the cornerstone of healing.

When you’re ready to make amends, you can find support to guide you through the process. Connect with 12-Step treatment programs to start planning your recovery.

What is making amends in addiction recovery?

Making amends is the process of acknowledging and repairing harm you caused to others as a result of addiction. It can involve apologizing, returning stolen property, or paying someone back. Making amends helps restore trust, rebuild relationships, and shows commitment to change. This process can help your recovery by allowing you to move forward with your life.  

What are the different types of amends?

Direct amends involve apologizing to the person you have harmed and taking action to repair the damage. For example, you pay back money you stole from someone. Indirect amends involve changing behaviors without directly contacting the person you’ve harmed. Living amends involve making lifestyle changes that embody your commitment to recovery. For example, if you’ve been struggling with alcohol addiction, you could make a living amend by attending AA and staying sober.

How do I make amends?

The best way to make amends is to be sincere and do the right thing for you and the other person. You can start by acknowledging your mistakes, accepting responsibility for your actions, sincerely apologizing, and making plans to repair the damage. Be patient and understanding; it may take time for the other person to forgive you.

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What Is a Sponsor in Addiction Recovery? 

As a mentor and friend, a sponsor supports every part of your recovery progress, and plays a vital role in guiding your recovery journey. Whether by answering questions, holding you accountable, or just listening, they can help you commit to healing. Sponsors can help in any phase of recovery, especially when you’re newly sober.

Having a sponsor in addiction recovery isn’t mandatory. However, most 12-Step programs encourage you to find one. To do that, it’s important to understand the purpose of this relationship.

What Does a Sponsor Do?

A sponsor does a lot of different things, but their primary role is to offer guidance. In most 12-Step programs, a sponsor is a senior member1 who has been sober for at least a year. With personal experience in recovery, they can help you learn how to work the 12 Steps. 

Sponsorship is one of the key differences between 12-Step vs. non-12-Step programs. Studies show sponsorship leads to better recovery outcomes.2 Once you connect with your sponsor, you can come to them with any questions about addiction and the program itself. For example, say you have a few tough weeks and miss a couple of meetings. Expect a call from your sponsor to get you back on track. Your sponsor’s job is to hold you accountable, encouraging you to do the work to attain and maintain your sobriety.

Qualities of a Good Sponsor

A good sponsor is there for you but also knows when to let you figure things out for yourself. You should always feel comfortable reaching out to them for help. Here are some qualities to look for in a sponsor:3

  • They can guide you in the right direction: Your sponsor can answer your questions about membership, the 12 Steps, and addiction. They’ll also encourage your program attendance and participation. A good sponsor knows you’re responsible for yourself and capable of making your own decisions. Still, they’ll give you a nudge to keep you moving forward if you ever need it.
  • They set boundaries: It’s always okay to ask your sponsor for support. But a good sponsor lets you know when contacting them is appropriate. You can agree on times and ways to connect that work for both of you. 
  • They listen and offer support: Your sponsor is there to advise and support you—but they’re not your therapist. A good sponsor knows when a professional should step in. They may even connect you with outside resources.
  • They’re patient: Addiction recovery takes time. A good sponsor understands that you’ll face challenges as you adjust to sobriety. They’ll keep supporting you even when you’re having a hard time.
  • They understand you: With an understanding sponsor, it’s easier to ask for help. You might seek someone with a similar background to yours. Maybe you’re a mom of 4. A sponsor who has been through motherhood and addiction might understand you on a deeper level. But everyone’s needs are different. Sometimes it’s better to find a sponsor with a different history of addiction. You never know what you can learn from a new perspective. Considering your unique recovery goals can help you find the right fit.

What Does a Sponsor Not Do?

There are some things your sponsor shouldn’t do.4 Even if you like them as a person, you should be wary if your sponsor shows any red flags: 

  • They impose their personal views on you: Your sponsor shouldn’t judge your recovery process. They might have similar experiences, but only you know what’s best for you. A sponsor should never urge you to make a decision based solely on their own beliefs. 
  • You’re already close with them: It’s not a good idea to have a loved one as your sponsor. You should be able to trust your sponsor and open up to them. Sometimes, personal relationships can lead to bias.
  • They exploit you: Your sponsor should never try to take advantage of you. Anyone in early recovery is in a vulnerable space. Your sponsor should understand that and do everything they can to empower you.
  • They’re not engaged in the program: If your sponsor regularly misses meetings, or you question their sobriety, they likely aren’t the best person to help you.
  • They believe they have every answer: A good sponsor isn’t afraid to say, “I don’t know.” If you feel like your sponsor always thinks they’re right or never considers another way, they might not be a good choice.

If you notice red flags like these, reach out to trusted members of your support network, both in and outside of AA. You can also talk to your therapist. And remember: you always have the right to change sponsors. AA’s literature on sponsorship5 specifies: 

We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.

How to Find a Sponsor

Typically, the process of finding a sponsor is informal. You might notice someone in the 12-Step program you admire. Maybe their outlook on sobriety inspires you, or they seem very open and honest. All you have to do is ask them to be your sponsor. Then, they can either accept or decline.

As a newcomer, you can also ask around the program. At some meetings, the leader may ask people who want to become sponsors to raise their hands. You can also ask people you meet if they know of anyone interested in taking on that role.

Your Responsibilities as a Sponsee

Just like your sponsor, you’ll have certain responsibilities in this relationship. Here are some tips to be a good sponsee:

  • Show up: Attending meetings regularly helps you stay on track. Try to let your sponsor know in advance if you have to miss a meeting.
  • Respect your sponsor’s boundaries: After you and your sponsor agree on boundaries, it’s important to honor them. Your sponsor has their own responsibilities outside of your recovery process. Of course, there may be times when you need to call them out of the blue. But this is an opportunity to practice building respectful relationships. Recognizing the other person’s needs is an important part of that process.
  • Work the 12 Steps: Show your sponsor that you’re just as committed to your recovery as they are. You can do this by working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous or another 12-Step program. Sometimes you might leave meetings with assignments. Dedicate time to work on your sobriety outside of the program. Then, talk to your sponsor about your progress.
  • Don’t overshare: It’s easy to overshare as you become more comfortable with your sponsor. There’s nothing wrong with seeing your sponsor as a friend. But your sponsor isn’t your partner, your parent, or a clinician. They’re just one person in your wider support network. 

In most 12-Step programs, your sponsor plays an integral role. Still, many people reach sobriety without a sponsor at any point in addiction recovery. It all depends on what makes the most sense for your recovery process. 

Learn more about sponsorship and 12-Step rehab programs that might be a good fit for you.

Frequently Asked Questions About AA Sponsorship

What’s the role of a sponsor in my recovery?

A sponsor serves as a mentor and guide, providing crucial support throughout your recovery journey. They offer guidance, answer questions about addiction and the program, and help you work the 12 Steps. While having a sponsor isn’t mandatory, it’s highly encouraged in most 12-Step programs for better outcomes.

What qualities should I look for in a good sponsor?

A good sponsor should be knowledgeable and able to give guidance, while also maintaining healthy boundaries and encouraging your personal responsibility. A good sponsor listens, offers support, and understands the challenges of addiction recovery. Finding someone who understands your background and recovery goals can be beneficial.

What are red flags to watch out for in a sponsor?

While sponsors are meant to support your recovery, there are certain warning signs to be aware of. A sponsor should not impose their personal views, exploit you, or be disengaged from the program. It’s also important to avoid choosing a sponsor who is a close friend or family member to maintain objectivity. If you notice any red flags, seek support from other trusted people in your support network and consider changing sponsors.

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What Is the 13th Step in AA? 6 Ways to Protect Yourself and Your Recovery

Recovery should be a place where you feel safe, supported, and respected. Unfortunately, some people in recovery groups experience unwanted romantic or sexual advances from other members. This behavior is often called the “13th step,” and it’s important to know that it’s never okay.

If someone has made you uncomfortable in a recovery setting, you’re not alone. Many people have experienced this, and it’s not your fault. If you’re new to recovery, being aware of this unfortunately common pattern can help you recognize problematic behavior and take steps to protect yourself and your healing process.

Remember: You have the right to feel secure and respected in any recovery space—your safety and ability to continue healing matter most. Let’s take a closer look at what the 13th step is, why it happens, and how to stay safe while getting the support you deserve. 

What Is the 13th Step?

The “13th step” isn’t an official part of AA’s 12-Step program. It’s a term that describes when someone with more recovery time pursues a romantic or sexual relationship with a newcomer to the program. This typically involves someone who has been sober for months or years approaching someone in their first few weeks or months of recovery.

The key issue is the difference in recovery experience and the power that comes with it. Someone who has been in recovery longer often has more influence in the group and may be seen as a role model. This dynamic can make it very difficult for newcomers to say no to advances, even when they want to.

Understanding 13th-Stepping Behavior

Even when “13th stepping” isn’t intentionally predatory, it can still be harmful because of the power dynamics involved.

People who are new to recovery are in an especially vulnerable place. Early recovery is often marked by emotional instability,1 low self-esteem, and difficulty setting healthy boundaries. A lot of newcomers are also dealing with damaged relationships from their past and may be socially isolated.

People with seniority in recovery programs often hold informal authority within their groups. When someone in this position shows romantic interest, it can feel flattering at first. But it also creates pressure that someone newer to the group may not feel prepared to handle. Even with good intentions, pursuing someone in early recovery takes advantage of their vulnerable state and can seriously harm their healing process.

Thirteenth-stepping is woefully common. Investigative reporter and founder of the The 13th Step podcast Lauren Chooljian, who led a 3-year investigation into predatory conduct by the founder of one support group in New Hampshire, points how just how well-known this practice is: 

If you’ve never heard this phrase before, it’s likely that you’re not in recovery. Because people in recovery will tell you this is just the most common thing. I had someone tell me that they heard it first in the ’70s. In the history of addiction treatment, you’ll see it right there with the adoption of Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s a thing that has been around, but a lot of us haven’t been paying enough attention to see it.

The Risks and Dangers of 13th Stepping

Early recovery requires intense focus on healing and building new life skills. Romantic relationships, especially complicated ones, can pull attention and energy away from this critical work. The excitement or stress of a new relationship can become a distraction when your brain and emotions are already dealing with the challenges of early sobriety.2

Increased Stress and Relapse Risk 

Even good relationships involve work and can be consuming at times. But relationships with unhealthy dynamics can be downright draining. Romantic relationships have a way of triggering our most deeply held wounds. Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and developer of emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples, explains in her book Hold Me Tight:3 

Our past history with loved ones shapes our present relationships. In moments of disconnection when we cannot safely engage with our lover, we naturally turn to the way of coping that we adopted as a child, the way of coping that allowed us to hold on to our parent, at least in some minimal way.

This activation can often be a profound opportunity for healing. But in early recovery, it can all be too much. Heightened tensions and emotions can be relapse triggers, and breakups can truly disrupt your recovery process. 

Loss of Safe Spaces 

When someone in your recovery group pursues you romantically, it can make meetings uncomfortable or even unsafe. You might feel like you can’t say no without losing your place in the group. Some people end up leaving their support system entirely to avoid an uncomfortable situation, which cuts them off from crucial recovery resources.

Risk of Harm 

In some cases, 13th stepping involves more serious boundary violations or even assault. The informal structure of many recovery groups can make it difficult to report problems or hold people accountable for predatory behavior or sexual misconduct. 

Chooljian reports that while we often think of recovery as taking place in active drug addiction,

We don’t talk as often about, once substance abuse has ended, it doesn’t mean your brain is back to normal and everything’s fine, your life’s back in order. You’re basically finding out who you are all over again. And so to have an understanding of consent, when you’re still rebuilding your life and trying to figure out the next, healthier phase, is extremely difficult. While the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have helped millions of people, I learned through my reporting that they can also be easily exploited because of the way the program is built.

Who Can Be a 13th Stepper?

Anyone can engage in 13th stepping behavior, regardless of their age, gender, or background. The key factor is the difference in recovery experience and group status, not personal characteristics. Someone who has been sober for 2 years has significantly more recovery experience than someone with 2 months.

Age, gender, and social status add more layers to these power imbalances. But 13th stepping can happen between people of any background when there’s a significant difference in recovery time and group standing. The problems occur when someone takes advantage of newcomers’ vulnerability to pursue romantic or sexual relationships with them.

Can Relationships Work in Recovery Communities?

Most experts strongly recommend avoiding romantic relationships during early recovery.4 The first year of sobriety is a time of major life changes when your emotions are heightened and your entire lifestyle is in flux. Your brain and emotions are still healing, and recovery requires all of your attention and energy.

Even relationships between people with similar recovery time can be problematic. When a romantic relationship in a recovery group ends, it affects the whole community. Fear of running into an ex-partner at meetings can drive someone away from a support system that has become a core piece of their sobriety.

Recovery communities work best when they focus on healing and mutual support, not romantic connections. If you’re interested in dating, consider meeting people who lead recovery-friendly lifestyles outside of your recovery circles to protect your safe space for healing.

How to Stay Safe in 12-Step Programs

Your safety and recovery always come first. These strategies can help you protect yourself while still getting the support you need:

1. Trust your instincts. 

    If someone makes you uncomfortable, that feeling is valid. You don’t need to prove that someone has bad intentions to remove yourself from an uncomfortable situation. If someone’s attention feels unwanted or inappropriate, it probably is.

    2. Consider taking a break from dating. 

      Many people in recovery find it helpful to focus solely on their sobriety during their first year. This gives you time to strengthen your recovery foundation and develop better boundary-setting skills before navigating romantic relationships.

      3. Build a strong support network. 

        Connect with multiple people in your recovery community, not just one person. Having several sources of support makes it harder for anyone to isolate you or make you feel dependent on them. Consider finding a sponsor whose gender or orientation doesn’t pose a risk of sexual tension if that feels safer.

        4. Understand healthy sponsorship. 

          A sponsor’s role is to guide you through the 12 Steps and share their experience. They should never pressure you to make specific decisions, ask for personal favors, or cross physical boundaries. If a sponsor behaves inappropriately, you have every right to find a new one.

          5. Speak up about predatory behavior. 

            If someone makes you uncomfortable, talk to people you trust. You can also contact group leadership or look for a different meeting. Remember, you’re not responsible for managing someone else’s behavior, but you do have the right to protect yourself.

            6. Know you have options. 

              There are many different addiction recovery meetings and groups available. If one group doesn’t feel safe, you can find another. Online meetings have also expanded options for people who need alternative support systems.

              Protecting Your Recovery Journey

              Your healing journey deserves to unfold in a safe, supportive environment. You have the right to seek help without having to worry about unwanted advances. Trust your instincts, build strong support networks, and remember that your healing and safety are the most important priorities.

              If you’ve been traumatized by an experience in your recovery group and need support, see our resource guide for survivors of sexual assault to find the help that’s right for you.

              FAQs

              Q: What is the 13th step?

              A: The 13th step is an unofficial term that refers to when a more experienced member of the group pursues a romantic or sexual relationship with a newcomer to AA or other 12-Step programs. AA only has 12 official steps—this term describes a problematic dynamic that can harm people in early recovery.

              Q: What does “13th stepping” mean in recovery communities?

              A: “13th stepping” is the act of pursuing romantic or sexual relationships with newcomers to AA meetings. It involves more senior AA members using their recovery experience, group status, or informal authority to approach newer members who are in a vulnerable state. Even when intentions seem good, this behavior takes advantage of power imbalances and can seriously impact someone’s recovery journey.

              Q: What are the controversies surrounding the 13th step in recovery programs?

              A: The main controversy is that while some people engage in this behavior with seemingly good intentions, it still causes harm due to the innate power imbalance. There’s also debate about when relationships in recovery might be appropriate and how recovery communities should address concerning behavior. A lot of AA groups struggle to balance supporting members while protecting vulnerable newcomers.

              Q: What are the risks associated with 13th stepping in recovery groups?

              A: The risks include: 

              • Distracting newcomers from their recovery work
              • Increasing stress and relapse risk
              • Making support groups feel unsafe
              • Potentially leading to more serious boundary violations

              When these relationships end badly, people sometimes leave their recovery community entirely, meaning they lose vital support during a vulnerable time.

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              What Is the Success Rate of Alcoholics Anonymous?

              Even if you’re just starting recovery, you’ve probably heard of the 12 Steps. This philosophy started in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.), and has grown into countless other 12-Step groups and rehab programs. For many people, the 12 Steps are central to the process of healing. 

              But how effective are the 12 Steps, really? Some people swear by them—but they’re not right for everyone. When you’re planning your recovery, it’s important to choose the best possible approach for you. That could include 12-Step rehab, alternative treatment, or something else entirely. 

              What is Alcoholics Annonymous?

              Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is an international fellowship of men and women who have struggled with alcohol addiction. AA is a non-profit organization that operates on a voluntary basis, and its members support each other in their journey towards sobriety.

              The program is based on the twelve steps, which are spiritual principles that guide individuals towards a new way of living. The steps involve admitting powerlessness over alcohol, making a moral inventory of oneself, making amends to those harmed by addiction, and seeking spiritual guidance.

              AA meetings are held regularly and provide a supportive environment for members to share their experiences, strength, and hope with each other. Members are encouraged to work with a sponsor, who is someone further along in the program and can provide guidance and support.

              AA does not endorse or promote any particular religion or belief system and is open to anyone who wants to stop drinking. The anonymity of members is respected, and the organization is self-supporting through contributions from its members.

              Understanding the 12 Steps of AA

              Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) began in the 1930s.1 It was co-founded by Bill Wilson—or Bill W.—and his colleague Dr. Bob. Both men were in recovery from alcohol addiction when they met. Through their friendship, they realized how crucial peer support was for their sobriety. Over time they developed the 12 Steps and began hosting meetings for other people in addiction recovery.

              The 12 Steps themselves are specific actions a person can take to heal from addiction. Step 1, for example, reads “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” Members of these groups encourage each other to follow these steps toward ongoing sobriety. 

              Sponsorship is another core tenet of A.A.2 and other 12-Step groups. Members with some experience in recovery can sponsor newer participants. In these 1:1 relationships, sponsors offer support and fellowship. You’ll cultivate a close relationship with your sponsor, so you can call on them for help at any point in your healing journey. 

              Faith-Based Recovery

              This approach is faith-based, meaning that participants express their faith in a higher power. Despite its roots in Christianity, the 12-Step philosophy welcomes people of any and all religious backgrounds. In Step 3, for instance, members submit themselves “to the care of God as we understood Him.” If you find comfort in spirituality, the 12 Steps might be a good fit during addiction treatment.

              Free Meetings Around the World

              12-Step groups like A.A. are best known for their free, peer-led meetings. According to the A.A. website, anyone who “wants to do something about their drinking problem”3 is welcome. During a meeting you might pray, listen to a guest speaker, share your story, or hear from other members. Every meeting is a little different, and there are countless sessions to choose from. These meetings take place all over the world—you can even find them online.

              The 12 Steps in Rehab

              You can follow the 12 Steps on your own, in a peer-led meeting, or in formal addiction treatment. Many rehab programs are based on these ideals. Patients talk about the Steps in individual therapy and in group sessions. You might even attend peer-led meetings, either in your rehab or in the nearby community. If you start following the 12 Steps in rehab, you can easily join a local group once you complete treatment and return home. 

              How Effective Is A.A.?

              Data shows that A.A. is as effective as other types of addiction treatment.4 But it’s not right for everyone. For example, one study found that A.A. had a 42% success rate, compared to the 35% success rate of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). But Deborah Becker, a correspondent for NPR, explains that there’s a lot of nuance behind these numbers. “The thing that the researchers point out is that AA is free,” she says. “You don’t have to make an appointment. It’s open to everyone. And I think that is what they’re saying, is that it saves money, it’s very accessible, and it’s showing these long rates of continuous abstinence.”

              Other experts agree that the length of treatment plays a role. While A.A. and other approaches have similar success rates in the short term, the 12 Steps have higher long-term success rates.5 But researchers are still gathering data on this issue. We don’t know, for instance, whether other free, peer-led support groups are as effective as A.A. 

              Non-12-Step Support Groups

              Not everyone draws strength from spirituality, or from fellowship with groups of people. You might prefer 1:1 relationships with care providers or a small circle of loved ones. What’s more, A.A. encourages members to be completely sober.6 If you’re taking a harm-reductionist approach to recovery,  A.A. might not be a good fit. There are many other free, peer-led recovery groups to choose from. 

              SMART Recovery

              In SMART Recovery, SMART stands for Self-Management and Recovery Training. These groups are based on scientific principles instead of encouraging faith-based recovery. Members work toward self-empowerment through behavioral techniques. 

              Like A.A., this is a fellowship of people seeking recovery from addiction. Unlike those in A.A., SMART recovery facilitators have some formal training.7 They’ll offer concrete advice to help you plan your recovery. As member Jan L. writes, “If you are ready to do the work, and that’s a very big IF, SMART Recovery tools begin to work on day one.8 You do not have to come for weeks before you see progress.”

              Secular Organizations for Sobriety (S.O.S.)

              Secular Organizations for Sobriety, or S.O.S., is a network of groups that take place online and around the world. This non-profit also helps people begin new meetings to support people through addiction recovery. While not every group in S.O.S. shares the same ethos, none of these meetings are religious.

              LifeRing Secular Recovery

              Members of this organization heal “through the lens of LifeRing’s 3-S philosophy of Sobriety, Secularity, and Self-Help.” They support each other by candidly sharing their experiences and practical tips for recovery. 

              LifeRing participants strive to “strengthen the Sober Self” in free meetings,9 which take place both in person and online.

              Women for Sobriety (WFS)

              Unlike other non-12-Step groups, Women for Sobriety (WFS) offers far more than free, peer-led meetings. WFS is a non-profit organization that also performs addiction research, outreach, and helps establish mutual aid networks. They also hold meetings for women in recovery, both in person and online, as well as online chat rooms. Their services are open to all women, including trans women. 

              Moderation Management

              Moderation Management (MM) takes a harm-reductionist approach to recovery. In other words, these groups don’t require or even recommend that members be totally sober. As one member of their online community writes, “MM has given me something I’ve been missing10 for a long time: Hope. Hope that I can do this. I can’t imagine a life entirely without alcohol, and now I know I don’t have to. Armed with the tools necessary to feel empowered, I can abstain. And I can moderate. And I can make that decision for myself.”

              MM specifically focuses on moderating alcohol use, rather than drug use. These meetings are a good fit for people trying to drink less, who don’t want to cut alcohol out of their lives entirely. 

              Alternative Treatment Approaches

              While group meetings can be helpful, they’re just one part of an effective recovery plan. Many people also need more formal treatment. That could be as simple as seeing a therapist, or as comprehensive as attending residential rehab. 

              If the 12 Steps align with your values, you’ll have many rehab programs to choose from. But just as many rehabs take a different approach to addiction treatment. 

              Evidence-Based Treatment

              This type of care is founded on robust scientific research. Western medicine includes countless evidence-based treatments for physical and mental health. For example, an evidence-based rehab program might offer:

              Most evidence-based care follows predefined treatment protocols. But your provider may still recommend changes based on your exact needs. If you’d like to take this scientific approach to recovery, talk to your doctor or therapist about which specific therapies might be the best fit.

              Holistic Treatment

              Also called integrated, complementary, or alternative treatment, holistic rehab incorporates a variety of therapies. From acupuncture to naturopathic medicine, these modalities honor each client’s mind, body and spirit. 

              Holistic therapies come from global traditions of healing. Some of them, like meditation, are also evidence-based treatments for addiction.11 Others are available in rehab while experts continue to research them. These approaches aren’t offered as a substitute for evidence-based care. But in combination with other treatments, they can be crucial parts of your recovery process. 

              Is 12-Step Treatment Right for You?

              The 12 Steps work well for people who draw strength from their faith and community. If these values fit well with yours, A.A. or a similar group might be the right way to approach healing. 

              If this philosophy is central to your process, you can begin recovery in a 12-Step rehab program.

              Frequently Asked Questions About A.A. Success Rates

              What is the success rate of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.)?

              The success rate of A.A. is comparable to other types of addiction treatment. One study found that A.A. had a 42% success rate, compared to the 35% success rate of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). However, the length of treatment plays a role, and the 12 Steps have higher long-term success rates. It is important to note that A.A. is free and open to everyone, and shows long rates of continuous abstinence.

              How effective is A.A. in addiction recovery?

              A.A. is as effective as other types of addiction treatment. However, it’s not the right approach for everyone. It’s important to choose the best possible approach for you, which could include 12-Step rehab, alternative treatment, or something else entirely.

              Are there any non-12-Step support groups for addiction recovery?

              Yes, there are many non-12-Step support groups for addiction recovery. These include SMART Recovery, which is based on scientific principles instead of faith-based recovery, and Secular Organizations for Sobriety (S.O.S.), a non-profit organization that helps people begin new meetings online and around the world.

              Posted on

              Is 12-Step Recovery Right For You?

              You’ve probably heard of the 12 Steps, but what exactly does this approach to recovery entail? The 12 Steps provide a guideline to recovery itself, and the programs supplement treatment. Attending meetings provides you with social support and the means to maintain sobriety after rehab. Many people enjoy these aspects of this approach, and choose to attend 12-Step meetings in rehab and after returning home.

              But while popular, 12-Step rehab isn’t for everyone. For one, the 12 Steps are rooted in Christianity, which may not resonate with people of different religious backgrounds or frameworks for understanding the world. And while these groups provide important social support, they’re not the only way to find community. But many people enjoy the spirituality component, as well as the robust social structure these groups provide.

              Let’s take a closer look at what 12-Step recovery entails, and what other options exist, as you determine what approach sits best with you.

              What Is 12-Step Recovery?

              In 12-Step programs, people follow 12 designated steps to recovery. Members gather regularly as a group to review the Steps, share their stories, and get support for their challenges. These 12-Step meetings can be in person (called face-to-face, or F2F), online, or via phone, all around the world. Meetings might take place in a number of places: office buildings, churches, rehab centers—even parks or beaches.

              After you finish rehab, you can continue attending meetings with 12-Step groups. Most cities have some kind of 12-Step program. Membership is open to anyone—the only requirement is a desire to change.

              Many people attribute their recovery success to their involvement with the Steps. In fact, numerous studies reveal that involvement in A.A. increases the likelihood that people will stay sober.1 Members take comfort in the structure and social support the community provides, which could contribute to higher rates of abstinence.

              What Happens at 12-Step Meetings?

              Most 12-Step programs follow a similar format. For example, A.A. meetings often open with a “chair” (an A.A. member who leads the meeting) reciting the A.A. Preamble (a short passage about A.A.’s mission).2 They might follow the passage with a moment of silence or a prayer. Newcomers can introduce themselves, which is encouraged but not required. Then, members might read from “The Big Book,”3 which outlines a template for recovery. Depending on the meeting, members might discuss a chosen topic, speak about their journeys, or review a Step. After meetings, people might mingle, meet newcomers and others, and exchange contact information. This format is similar to other 12-Step programs.

              In A.A., meetings can be open or closed.4 Open meetings invite anyone to attend, even friends or family of the person with the addiction. Closed meetings are only open to members themselves.

              And according to Alcoholics Anonymous, the purpose of all A.A. meetings5 is for people to “share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover.” This is the foundation for the 12 Steps.

              How The 12 Steps Guide Your Path to Recovery

              According to A.A., the 12 Steps are a “set of spiritual principles”6 that serve as guidelines for a “way of life.” These fundamentals pave the way for life in sobriety.

              The idea is that working through these steps will help you heal. But there aren’t necessarily any rules about how you approach them—you can follow them in order, or not. You can come back to different steps whenever you need to—whichever feels most relevant to what you’re going through. And while many of the steps reference “God,” you’re welcome to replace that with a higher power of your own choosing.

              Spirituality and the 12 Steps

              While the 12 Steps refer to a higher power—in this case, God—and have roots in Christianity, you don’t have to be Christian to attend meetings. In fact, you don’t need to have any religious background. It is helpful to be open to some degree of spirituality, especially since the goal of the 12th Step is to have a spiritual awakening. The program encourages members to develop a spiritual practice and to incorporate activities like meditation and prayer into their lives.

              While spirituality is an important part of the 12 Steps for many people, the social factor is just as important—if not more.

              Social Support in 12-Step Programs

              People receive almost instant social support from 12-Step groups. You’ll be in a room full of people that have similar experiences and goals—and that makes it much easier to feel connected. And meeting other sober people is an essential part of the recovery process. People in A.A. find hope in being around others on the same journey.7 “The people I met thought like me,” said one member. “For the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn’t so crazy.”

              Another member reflects: “I remember sitting in the A.A. meeting, and thinking, I’ve finally found a place where I belong.”

              Research shows that people who have a good social support system are more likely to stay in addiction treatment longer,8 and less likely to relapse after rehab. Whether that’s friends, family, or friends you make at meetings, it’s important to surround yourself with those who support your journey.

              Cutting ties with people who cue you to do things you’re working hard not to is a painful part of the recovery process. But the upside is that it creates more room in your life for relationships that support your well-being and growth. 12-Step groups make it easy to meet people with common goals, and even facilitate deeper connections by encouraging people to find sponsors. Sponsorship can have a profound impact on your success in sobriety—especially as a newcomer.

              The Importance of Sponsorship in 12-Step Programs

              Most 12-Step organizations connect people with a sponsor.9 A sponsor is a more senior member who supports your recovery journey. They’re available to talk to outside of meetings and can be a real lifeline in times of need. Sponsors also benefit from this relationship. Sharing what they’ve learned provides an opportunity to give back to the A.A. community, while reinforcing their own choice to live a sober life. It’s often helpful to find a sponsor with a similar background or experience, who can relate to you. They can share advice, hold space for what you’re going through, and be a place to turn to when you come up against an inevitable challenge.

              One Crystal Meth Anonymous (C.M.A.) member describes how he owes much of his recovery to his sponsor.10 “I often think about how simple this tool is,” he says. “It helped me stay clean and sober that first year, especially in the face of so many challenges and temptations.” For example, soon after getting sober, he received a text from someone inviting him to do drugs again. He immediately thought of his sponsor, and how disappointed he’d be if he accepted. So instead of replying, he blocked the number.

              “Everyone thinks their sponsor is the best, but I really believed it,” he said.

              My sponsor demonstrated brotherly love, invested many, many hours, and instilled in me an unshakeable faith that gave me the strength and commitment to rebuild my life. For that, I am forever grateful.

              How to Decide if 12-Step Recovery Is For You

              If you still feel unsure whether or not 12-Step treatment is right for you, asking rehab admissions staff the following questions is a good place to start.

              • In this program, is attending 12-Step groups mandatory?
              • How much time will I spend in individual therapy, compared to time spent in groups?
              • Do all of your 1-on-1 therapists use the 12 Steps as a framework for recovery?
              • Will I be able to choose my own therapist?
              • Do your 12-Step groups include a sponsorship program?
              • In your philosophy, what does it mean for clients to connect with a higher power?
              • Does your program welcome people of all faiths?
              • Do you connect alumni with local support groups or 12-Step meetings after they complete inpatient treatment?

              The more you know, the better. This will help prepare you for both rehab and your new life afterwards. But if you make the decision that the 12-Step approach isn’t for you, there are plenty of other options.

              What Is Non-12-Step Recovery?

              Non-12-Step programs are exactly that—any approach that doesn’t follow the 12-Step methodology. This can be anything from experiential to holistic to evidence-based treatment, and so much more. How you choose to go about recovery is entirely up to you.

              Popular Non-12-Step Approaches to Choose From

              While non-12-Step approaches can fall into many different categories, some are more commonly seen in treatment:

              Non-12 Step programs are usually secular, meaning they don’t follow any particular religious guidelines. However, you can also attend rehab facilities that don’t follow a 12-Step approach but still have a spiritual emphasis. These may cater to specific faiths or be non-religious.

              Note that while these are just some treatment approaches available outside of 12-Step, many more exist. Exploring rehabs by treatment approach can be a great way to learn more.

              Building Sober Community Outside of 12 Step

              12-Step programs are renowned for their fellowship aspect, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find sober community without one! While you’ll form relationships in rehab, it’s important to have a plan in place for securing a support network beyond it.

              Non-12-Step Support Groups

              And not all support groups for people in recovery follow the 12 steps. Some organizations don’t follow a spiritual model at all, like SMART Recovery and LifeRing. Similar to 12-Step programs, these groups have meetings in person or online, all over the globe.

              Interest-Based Groups and Activities

              Finding ways to have fun without substances is an important part of staying sober. Abstinence without meaning and joy isn’t very motivating! Boredom and loneliness are common in early recovery—and are also known relapse triggers. Getting involved in new hobbies, meet-up groups, and activities can be a great way to avoid feeling idle and make new friends in the process. These can range from picking up an old sport to learning a new skill. Look for adult classes, meet-ups, and community events in your city. Your rehab may even offer to help with this as part of your relapse prevention and aftercare plan.

              Stepping Into a New Life Chapter

              The 12-Step method may just be what works best for you. Or it may not be your thing, and that’s completely fine. It’s also possible (and common) to combine recovery approaches. For example, you might choose to enroll at a non-12-Step rehab, then attend 12-Step groups to maintain your sobriety after treatment. There are multiple paths to recovery, and facilities that can offer exactly what you’re looking for.

              With any approach you choose, remember to be patient with yourself. Healing isn’t always straightforward. You might hit bumps in the road here and there, but it’s important to keep going. Remind yourself why you started your recovery journey, and reach out for help when you need it.

              See rehab facilities that offer 12-Step and non-12-Step programs to find options that interest you, compare prices, take a virtual tour, and more.