Tag: Twelve Step Facilitation

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Navigating Recovery: The Power of AA Slogans

For millions of people struggling with addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has been a beacon of hope and support. Beyond its structured meetings and fellowship, another component of AA regularly benefits members’ lives: the program’s timeless slogans. These simple yet profound statements offer guidance and motivation for those navigating the challenging recovery journey.

AA slogans are more than just catchy phrases. These sayings serve as constant reminders of the program’s main tenets. They foster a sense of community and encouragement, reminding members that recovery is possible when you work the Steps and stay plugged into AA’s strong support network.

Let’s look closer at the meaning and impact of AA slogans, and how these powerful words are guiding lights on the path to lasting recovery.

What Are AA Slogans?

AA slogans are short, memorable phrases that encapsulate the core values of Alcoholics Anonymous. Rooted in the shared wisdom of countless people who have worked the program, these sayings emerged organically in the early days of AA and have been passed down through generations. Each slogan is a reminder of core concepts like acceptance, humility, hope, and perseverance. By using and internalizing these slogans, AA members are encouraged to maintain their focus and deepen their connection to the AA community.

The Impact of AA Slogans on Individuals

For many of those navigating the recovery journey, AA slogans are a daily source of inspiration. They often resonate with members in profoundly personal ways, providing comfort in moments of doubt.

Long-time AA member Gregory Forrest says “no pain, no gain” and other 12-Step sayings1 helped his recovery process: 

Slogans & sayings were so helpful when I was new, and still are today. The wisdom that is tossed around the rooms is awesome! The combination of these, meetings, a sponsor & the steps, helped me heal & stay sober.

These sayings may or may not resonate with you—or you might find them useful at different stages of recovery. AA slogans remind us that we’re not alone in our struggles and that a supportive community is here to help us along the way.

Key AA Slogans and Their Meanings

Some AA slogans are so widely used, that they’ve become synonymous with the program’s philosophy. Here are some of the most popular sayings and their underlying messages:

One Day at a Time 

This simple yet powerful motto reminds us to focus on the present moment so as not to get overwhelmed by the prospect of long-term sobriety. It encourages people to take recovery one, manageable step at a time.2

AA member Craig C. says,

We all have 24 hours in the day. No more, no less. The issue I have is staying present in that time frame. I have the tendency to project, worrying about the days, weeks and months ahead. Being where I am today, is exactly where I should be and this slogan helps remind me of that important fact.

Easy Does It

This slogan reminds members to take things slowly and not put unnecessary pressure on themselves during the recovery process. It emphasizes the importance of patience, self-compassion, and accepting setbacks as a normal part of the journey.

First Things First

This encourages people to prioritize their recovery before focusing on other aspects of their lives. It emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, saying “no” to situations that might jeopardize sobriety, and practicing self-care.

Live and Let Live

This encourages people to practice patience and acceptance towards themselves and others. It reminds them not to judge others’ actions, and to instead focus on their own self-growth.

Progress, Not Perfection

This reminds members that recovery is a journey, not a destination. It emphasizes the importance of celebrating small wins and remembering that progress takes time.

Let Go and Let God

This tells members to surrender to a higher power, whether a spiritual belief system or a universal source. It encourages people in recovery to trust the process and stop stressing over things that are beyond their control.

These small but mighty messages offer hope for people navigating the challenges of addiction recovery. By reflecting on their meaning and incorporating it into their daily lives, AA members can find strength, resilience, and a deeper connection to the community. 

Incorporating AA Slogans Into Daily Life

The messages AA slogans carry can be valuable tools for navigating daily challenges. Here are some simple ways you can use AA sayings to strengthen your daily recovery practice: 

  • Create visual reminders: Write down your favorite expressions and place them on your fridge, bedroom mirror, or in your workspace for quick doses of inspiration throughout the day. 
  • Reflect on their meaning: Take time to ponder the deeper meaning of each saying. Consider how it applies to your specific challenges and struggles. Journaling about your reflections can deepen your understanding and personal connection to the messages.
  • Use them as mantras: Repeat a helpful expression (silently or aloud) when you’re faced with cravings, stressful situations, or negative thoughts. The act of repeating these messages can help calm your mind, shift your perspective, and remind you of your commitment to recovery.
  • Share your experiences: Discuss your favorite AA slogans and how they impact your recovery journey with others. Sharing your experiences strengthens connections and encourages others to embrace the wisdom of AA.

Working these mottoes into your daily routines can help you strengthen your positive mindset, grow your emotional resilience, and renew your motivation to stick with the recovery process—even when times are tough. 

AA Slogans and Fellowship: A Shared Language of Recovery

AA slogans foster fellowship and a sense of shared experience. You’ll often hear their meaning discussed at meetings, or used to counsel a member who’s struggling. 

Slogans are just one microcosm of the supportive environment that defines AA communities. Reinforcing shared goals and values strengthens bonds and empowers members to navigate their challenges together. That sense of belonging and community is vital for long-term recovery. By using these messages as a basis for social support, members learn to navigate their journeys and contribute to AA’s strong support network. 

Overcoming Challenges With AA Slogans

While AA slogans offer invaluable support for many in recovery, some people may initially be skeptical about their effectiveness. While some may find them overly simplistic, or feel that certain slogans don’t resonate with their own experiences.

If this is the case for you, know that these challenges are valid. AA slogans aren’t meant to be rigid rules or prescriptive solutions—they’re more like starting points for your reflection. If a certain slogan doesn’t resonate with you, feel free to explore others or create your own mantras that serve your needs.

Remember: your recovery journey is your own. AA slogans are just one more tool for your toolbox, and they can be adapted and applied in the way that makes the most sense for you. What matters is that you find what inspires you to continue the journey towards a joyous, fulfilling, and sober life.  

If you’re ready to recover and looking for an addiction treatment program based on AA philosophy, see our list of 12-Step rehabs to compare programs and reach out to admissions staff directly. 

Frequently Asked Questions About AA Slogans

What are AA slogans and how do they impact recovery?

AA slogans are concise phrases embodying the core principles of the 12 Steps. They carry the collective wisdom of the AA community and serve as daily reminders of the program’s core principles. Use them in your recovery for inspiration, connection to the community, and reminders of the possibility of lasting sobriety.

How can I use AA slogans in my daily life?

Integrating AA slogans into daily life can enhance your commitment to recovery. Create visual reminders, reflect on their deeper meanings, or use them as mantras in challenging times.

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What Does Making Amends Mean?

Making amends involves acknowledging and correcting past behaviors. It’s a transformational part of addiction recovery that takes courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to change. 

Making amends helps repair relationship problems caused by addiction. While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful. This can be a powerful way to move your healing journey forward. 

What Are Amends?

When you make amends, you acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions that have hurt others. They take different forms, including direct amends, indirect amends, and living amends.

Direct Amends

A direct amend entails taking ownership of your actions and confronting the person you’ve harmed in person. Here are some examples of direct amends: 

  • Offering a loved one a sincere apology, face to face
  • Settling financial debts that came up during addiction
  • Replacing property you’ve damaged 

Indirect Amends 

Direct amends aren’t the best approach when they end up doing you or the other person more harm than good. Instead, you can make an indirect amend, which involves changing behaviors that led to the relationship damage. There are different ways to make indirect amends:

  • Learning healthy communication in therapy
  • Writing a letter to apologize to someone you hurt emotionally 
  • Volunteering to support people affected by addiction

Living Amends

Living amends are lifestyle changes you make for the better. These actions show your commitment to long-term recovery:

  • Attending an addiction treatment program
  • Learning how to manage your emotions in therapy
  • Mentoring young people in your local community

What Step in AA Is Making Amends?

Step 9 of the Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) 12-Step program is about making direct amends1 to people whenever possible. The only exception is when it harms you or the other person. (Step 8 is to make a list of all the people you may have harmed during addiction.)

Many people find that the support they receive from AA meetings helps them prepare to make amends. Talking with your sober community about your history with drugs or alcohol can help you identify what you need to make amends for. 

What’s the Difference Between Making Amends and an Apology?

An apology is expressing regret or saying sorry for causing harm to someone. Amends often include apologies, but they go beyond words. Making an amend means taking accountability and action to repair any damages done. Through these restorative actions, you demonstrate your commitment to change.

What Are Challenges With Making Amends?

Making amends is hard. It’s common to struggle with feelings of guilt or shame. And it can be intimidating to be uncertain about how the other person will react. 

It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to start making amends. If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person. While you may genuinely want to repair your relationships, it’s a good idea to focus on your sobriety first. This looks different for different people. For example, some people may require medically supervised detox as a first step, followed by residential alcohol treatment.  

As challenging as making amends may seem, remember: you’re human. We make mistakes from time to time. Owning past mistakes and taking action to correct them shows huge growth. 

How to Make Amends

Amends are personal—there’s no right or wrong way to do them. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can apply these general steps to your own process:

1. Acknowledge What Happened

Recognize and acknowledge your behaviors that caused harm to someone else. 

2. Take Responsibility

Accept responsibility for the impact of your actions on others.

3. Make a List

You may have a list of people you want to make amends to personally. If you’re following the 12 Steps, making a list is Step 8.

4. Express Remorse

Apologize for the hurt you caused. Keep in mind that sincerity goes a long way; apologizing for the sake of it can backfire. 

5. Take Action

Take action to correct past mistakes—for example, paying someone back.

6. Commit to Change

Show that you take growth seriously by changing harmful behaviors.

7. Be Patient and Understanding

Be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view. They might not forgive you right away, and that’s okay.

Making Amends Examples

Here are some examples of what making amends can look like: 

Apologizing for the Way You Behaved

You may have damaged a relationship by saying things you didn’t mean while under the influence. In this scenario, you can start by acknowledging your past behavior. You could reach out to the other person and ask them if they’re open to talking to you. If they are, making amends might include apologizing in person, acknowledging the harm caused, and outlining steps to rebuild your trust. (This is an example of a direct amend.)

Committing to Family Therapy 

Substance abuse hurts the people around us, especially family members. In this case, you may have strained family relationships. Making amends involves opening up a conversation with your family member again and demonstrating your dedication to staying sober. You could commit to family therapy, where you’ll learn to rebuild healthy connections. (This is an example of a direct and living amend.) 

When Not to Make Amends

Making amends can help you repair your relationships. However, there are situations where it might not be appropriate. If approaching the other person opens up old wounds or re-traumatizes them, making amends isn’t advisable. If interacting with someone re-traumatizes you, or increases your risk of relapse, you might want to reconsider approaching them. 

How to Respond to Someone Who Makes Amends

It’s hard to find the right response to someone making amends. You likely have a lot of emotions surrounding the situation. That’s normal, and you don’t have to respond right away. It takes time and courage to listen with an open heart. 

When you’re ready to receive someone’s amends, certain practices can make the process smoother: 

  • Listen with an open mind.
  • Take your time.
  • Be honest about your feelings.
  • Set clear boundaries. 
  • Be open to forgiving the other person. 
  • Focus on your own healing.

How Making Amends Benefits Your Recovery

Substance abuse ruins our relationship2 with ourselves and others. Making amends empowers you to start repairing that damage, and benefits your healing journey in many ways: 

  • Repairing trust takes time, but can lead to an even stronger relationship. 
  • Taking responsibility for past mistakes grows your personal accountability.
  • Taking action shows your commitment to change. 
  • Addressing your past wrongs can relieve feelings of guilt or shame. 
  • You may find closure by addressing unresolved issues. 
  • Making amends enhances your empathy and understanding. 

Find Support and Connect With Others

Making amends is challenging, but the outcome can be one of the most rewarding parts of recovery. After all, connection is the cornerstone of healing.

When you’re ready to make amends, you can find support to guide you through the process. Connect with 12-Step treatment programs to start planning your recovery.

What is making amends in addiction recovery?

Making amends is the process of acknowledging and repairing harm you caused to others as a result of addiction. It can involve apologizing, returning stolen property, or paying someone back. Making amends helps restore trust, rebuild relationships, and shows commitment to change. This process can help your recovery by allowing you to move forward with your life.  

What are the different types of amends?

Direct amends involve apologizing to the person you have harmed and taking action to repair the damage. For example, you pay back money you stole from someone. Indirect amends involve changing behaviors without directly contacting the person you’ve harmed. Living amends involve making lifestyle changes that embody your commitment to recovery. For example, if you’ve been struggling with alcohol addiction, you could make a living amend by attending AA and staying sober.

How do I make amends?

The best way to make amends is to be sincere and do the right thing for you and the other person. You can start by acknowledging your mistakes, accepting responsibility for your actions, sincerely apologizing, and making plans to repair the damage. Be patient and understanding; it may take time for the other person to forgive you.

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What Is Wellbriety?

Wellbriety is just what it sounds like — wellness and sobriety. The Wellbriety Movement supports Indigenous people in the process of addiction recovery. This holistic approach supports clients’ physical, mental, and spiritual healing.

Origins of the Wellbriety Movement

Don Coyhis, Mohican nation, founded the Wellbriety Movement in 1988.1 He began by teaching people the spiritual methods that helped him heal from alcohol addiction. Over time, these practices would help his daughter heal from meth addiction and grow into a nationwide movement empowering Indigenous communities.

How Is Wellbriety Different From Traditional Programs?

Wellbriety stands out from other recovery programs in several ways. This approach to recovery is open to Indigenous people nationwide. You can also learn from the movement’s published resources. 

These teachings are available through White Bison, a nonprofit organization Don Coyhis founded in the 1980s. Based in Colorado Springs, White Bison offers free in-person and online meetings. According to their website, this organization is “dedicated to creating and sustaining a grassroots Wellbriety Movement – providing culturally-based healing to the next seven generations of Indigenous People.” 

Coyhis’ philosophy marries several different traditions. For example, members of the Wellbriety Movement follow the Medicine Wheel 12 Steps.2 This framework combines Indigenous spiritual beliefs with the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous.

White Bison and the Wellbriety Movement address an urgent need. While drug and alcohol addiction, trauma, and mental health issues can affect anyone, they’re especially prevalent in Indigenous communities. The Red Road, another nonprofit supporting Native communities, notes the scope of this problem: “Despite only representing 2% of the U.S. population, Native Americans have the highest rates of alcohol,3 marijuana, cocaine, and hallucinogen use disorders and the second highest methamphetamine abuse rates.”

Cultural Values

Wellbriety encourages people to heal from addictions by committing to shared cultural values. Many of White Bison’s principles4 direct communities to support each other. For example, they believe that “healing will take place through the application of cultural and spiritual knowledge.” This and other principles inform their holistic approach. In recovery, members come into alignment with themselves, their communities, and the natural world. 

Spiritual Focus

Spirituality is central to the Wellbriety Movement. Members believe in a Supreme Being and follow the teachings of community leaders. Many Wellbriety practices honor the Sacred Hoop, which holds great spiritual significance. In 1995, Indigenous Elders met in a sweat lodge and formed it out of a sapling. Since that time, the Sacred Hoop has traveled more than 200,000 miles around the U.S., connecting White Bison leaders with Indigenous communities.

Physical and Mental Health

Wellbriety encompasses both physical and mental health. Certain activities address both these goals at the same time. For instance, several studies show that drumming has powerful physical and emotional benefits.5 Partly for that reason, Wellbriety meetings often include drum circles.6 This practice also has spiritual meaning.

Wellbriety and the 4 Laws of Change 

Among other principles, the Wellbriety Movement follows 4 laws of change.7 Coyhis received these laws from an Elder in the 1980s. Today, they are pillars of White Bison’s work. 

1. Change Is From Within

This law, Coyhis explains, “means that we must have an internal desire to make changes in our lives.” Only the person with an addiction can commit to recovery. That commitment can’t come from a loved one, or even from your whole community. But when you cultivate an inner desire to heal, you can accomplish remarkable things.

2. In Order for Development To Occur It Must Be Preceded by a Vision

Members of the Wellbriety Movement begin by imagining what their lives would be like without substance abuse. As Coyhis puts it, “What would our lives, our community, or our nation look like if it were working in a good way?” This question invites people to start dreaming about a better future. Once you have a clear vision of your best possible life, you can start bringing it into reality. 

3. A Great Learning Must Take Place

This law frames the healing process as a communal effort. Coyhis says that recovery “must include the individual, the family, the community, and the nation acting as an integrated whole.” In most addiction treatment programs, holistic recovery combines the different aspects of the self. Wellbriety takes this a step further, seeking to integrate personal wellness with communal growth. 

4. You Must Create a Healing Forest

When it comes to addiction and mental health recovery, your environment is essential. Members of the Wellbriety Movement understand this through the metaphor of the healing forest:8

Imagine a forest of damaged, dying trees. The sickness is in the air, the soil, and the water supply. It’s all around them. You notice one tree that seems especially unwell. You dig it up, move it, and plant it in rich soil. You give it water and sunlight and plant food, and it starts to thrive. When it’s ready, you bring it back to the original forest and replant it. Does that one tree heal the rest of the forest? No, of course not. Back in an unsupportive environment, it just gets sick again. 

The forest is a metaphor for the way addiction, poverty, and intergenerational trauma affect Indigenous communities. White Bison teaches that while one person going to rehab or attending therapy can help, it’s not enough. Entire groups of people have to commit to recovering together, supporting each other throughout a complex healing process.

Find Additional Resources and Support for Addiction Recovery

White Bison supports Indigenous communities9 around the country. The nonprofit also trains and certifies residential centers in Indigenous treatment methods. If the Wellbriety Movement resonates with you, look for a rehab that offers this approach to recovery.

Start your healing journey in a rehab that honors your culture.

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What Is a Sponsor in Addiction Recovery? 

As a mentor and friend, a sponsor supports every part of your recovery progress, and plays a vital role in guiding your recovery journey. Whether by answering questions, holding you accountable, or just listening, they can help you commit to healing. Sponsors can help in any phase of recovery, especially when you’re newly sober.

Having a sponsor in addiction recovery isn’t mandatory. However, most 12-Step programs encourage you to find one. To do that, it’s important to understand the purpose of this relationship.

What Does a Sponsor Do?

A sponsor does a lot of different things, but their primary role is to offer guidance. In most 12-Step programs, a sponsor is a senior member1 who has been sober for at least a year. With personal experience in recovery, they can help you learn how to work the 12 Steps. 

Sponsorship is one of the key differences between 12-Step vs. non-12-Step programs. Studies show sponsorship leads to better recovery outcomes.2 Once you connect with your sponsor, you can come to them with any questions about addiction and the program itself. For example, say you have a few tough weeks and miss a couple of meetings. Expect a call from your sponsor to get you back on track. Your sponsor’s job is to hold you accountable, encouraging you to do the work to attain and maintain your sobriety.

Qualities of a Good Sponsor

A good sponsor is there for you but also knows when to let you figure things out for yourself. You should always feel comfortable reaching out to them for help. Here are some qualities to look for in a sponsor:3

  • They can guide you in the right direction: Your sponsor can answer your questions about membership, the 12 Steps, and addiction. They’ll also encourage your program attendance and participation. A good sponsor knows you’re responsible for yourself and capable of making your own decisions. Still, they’ll give you a nudge to keep you moving forward if you ever need it.
  • They set boundaries: It’s always okay to ask your sponsor for support. But a good sponsor lets you know when contacting them is appropriate. You can agree on times and ways to connect that work for both of you. 
  • They listen and offer support: Your sponsor is there to advise and support you—but they’re not your therapist. A good sponsor knows when a professional should step in. They may even connect you with outside resources.
  • They’re patient: Addiction recovery takes time. A good sponsor understands that you’ll face challenges as you adjust to sobriety. They’ll keep supporting you even when you’re having a hard time.
  • They understand you: With an understanding sponsor, it’s easier to ask for help. You might seek someone with a similar background to yours. Maybe you’re a mom of 4. A sponsor who has been through motherhood and addiction might understand you on a deeper level. But everyone’s needs are different. Sometimes it’s better to find a sponsor with a different history of addiction. You never know what you can learn from a new perspective. Considering your unique recovery goals can help you find the right fit.

What Does a Sponsor Not Do?

There are some things your sponsor shouldn’t do.4 Even if you like them as a person, you should be wary if your sponsor shows any red flags: 

  • They impose their personal views on you: Your sponsor shouldn’t judge your recovery process. They might have similar experiences, but only you know what’s best for you. A sponsor should never urge you to make a decision based solely on their own beliefs. 
  • You’re already close with them: It’s not a good idea to have a loved one as your sponsor. You should be able to trust your sponsor and open up to them. Sometimes, personal relationships can lead to bias.
  • They exploit you: Your sponsor should never try to take advantage of you. Anyone in early recovery is in a vulnerable space. Your sponsor should understand that and do everything they can to empower you.
  • They’re not engaged in the program: If your sponsor regularly misses meetings, or you question their sobriety, they likely aren’t the best person to help you.
  • They believe they have every answer: A good sponsor isn’t afraid to say, “I don’t know.” If you feel like your sponsor always thinks they’re right or never considers another way, they might not be a good choice.

If you notice red flags like these, reach out to trusted members of your support network, both in and outside of AA. You can also talk to your therapist. And remember: you always have the right to change sponsors. AA’s literature on sponsorship5 specifies: 

We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.

How to Find a Sponsor

Typically, the process of finding a sponsor is informal. You might notice someone in the 12-Step program you admire. Maybe their outlook on sobriety inspires you, or they seem very open and honest. All you have to do is ask them to be your sponsor. Then, they can either accept or decline.

As a newcomer, you can also ask around the program. At some meetings, the leader may ask people who want to become sponsors to raise their hands. You can also ask people you meet if they know of anyone interested in taking on that role.

Your Responsibilities as a Sponsee

Just like your sponsor, you’ll have certain responsibilities in this relationship. Here are some tips to be a good sponsee:

  • Show up: Attending meetings regularly helps you stay on track. Try to let your sponsor know in advance if you have to miss a meeting.
  • Respect your sponsor’s boundaries: After you and your sponsor agree on boundaries, it’s important to honor them. Your sponsor has their own responsibilities outside of your recovery process. Of course, there may be times when you need to call them out of the blue. But this is an opportunity to practice building respectful relationships. Recognizing the other person’s needs is an important part of that process.
  • Work the 12 Steps: Show your sponsor that you’re just as committed to your recovery as they are. You can do this by working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous or another 12-Step program. Sometimes you might leave meetings with assignments. Dedicate time to work on your sobriety outside of the program. Then, talk to your sponsor about your progress.
  • Don’t overshare: It’s easy to overshare as you become more comfortable with your sponsor. There’s nothing wrong with seeing your sponsor as a friend. But your sponsor isn’t your partner, your parent, or a clinician. They’re just one person in your wider support network. 

In most 12-Step programs, your sponsor plays an integral role. Still, many people reach sobriety without a sponsor at any point in addiction recovery. It all depends on what makes the most sense for your recovery process. 

Learn more about sponsorship and 12-Step rehab programs that might be a good fit for you.

Frequently Asked Questions About AA Sponsorship

What’s the role of a sponsor in my recovery?

A sponsor serves as a mentor and guide, providing crucial support throughout your recovery journey. They offer guidance, answer questions about addiction and the program, and help you work the 12 Steps. While having a sponsor isn’t mandatory, it’s highly encouraged in most 12-Step programs for better outcomes.

What qualities should I look for in a good sponsor?

A good sponsor should be knowledgeable and able to give guidance, while also maintaining healthy boundaries and encouraging your personal responsibility. A good sponsor listens, offers support, and understands the challenges of addiction recovery. Finding someone who understands your background and recovery goals can be beneficial.

What are red flags to watch out for in a sponsor?

While sponsors are meant to support your recovery, there are certain warning signs to be aware of. A sponsor should not impose their personal views, exploit you, or be disengaged from the program. It’s also important to avoid choosing a sponsor who is a close friend or family member to maintain objectivity. If you notice any red flags, seek support from other trusted people in your support network and consider changing sponsors.

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What Is the 13th Step of AA?

While there are only 12 official steps in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), you might hear about an unofficial “13th Step.” This term refers to a romantic or sexual relationship between an AA veteran and a new member. 

Even if your feelings are real, these relationships can be very harmful. People just joining AA are typically in the early stages of sobriety. This is a vulnerable time. Long-term AA members can easily take advantage of newcomers, whether they mean to or not. 

You have the right to feel safe in your recovery. If an AA member makes you uncomfortable, check in with your support network. This might include your therapist, your sponsor, or other AA members with whom you have a trusting relationship.

Taking the 13th Step or “13th Stepping” 

The 13th Step isn’t just about sex.1 There’s a power imbalance between people in different stages of healing. AA veterans often have authority within their group, especially over new members. By dating or having sex with people in early recovery, 13th Steppers take advantage of their position.

Many people are vulnerable when they first join AA.2 If drinking has damaged your past relationships, you might be socially isolated. At the same time, most AA newcomers are still learning how to set healthy boundaries. So you might turn to long-term members for advice and emotional support. 

At first, 13th Steppers may seem like trustworthy role models—and many veteran AA members have the best intentions. But others use 12-Step meetings to look for newcomers they can pursue. And because most 12-Step groups are relatively informal,3 it can be hard to hold members accountable.

Who’s Considered a 13th Stepper?

It’s important to note that anyone can be a 13th Stepper.4 The term refers to the power dynamic between long-term and recent sobriety. Age, gender and other aspects of identity can add to a 13th Stepper’s apparent authority.

Are Any Intimate Relationships Possible Within AA?

While some 13th Steppers actively prey on people who are new to the program, these dynamics aren’t always black and white. For example, some experienced AA members may feel genuinely attracted to a new member. And for many people in recovery, it’s easier to date people who share your history of addiction. It could even seem like starting an intimate relationship within AA will support your healing process.

However, 13th Stepping isn’t that simple. It puts AA veterans in a sponsor-like role that can boost their self-esteem. It can also make newcomers feel indebted to their partners. Often, these dangers outweigh any potential benefits. 

If you’ve been sober for some time, you might be able to date someone with a similar history. When you meet on equal terms, the power dynamics of the 13th Step may not apply. But any romance within AA can still affect your recovery. Even relationships between peers can end dramatically. In that case, seeing each other at meetings could be painful. If you decide to date someone else in recovery, it’s safer to make sure each of you has your own sober support network.

The Dangers of 13th Stepping

When you’re new to the 12 Steps, AA meetings are a place to find support, solace and community. The 13th Step has the opposite effect. When veterans prey on newcomers, dating in early recovery can increase your risk of relapse.5 

Takes Time and Energy Away From Recovery

It’s standard advice in AA to abstain from starting a new romantic relationship6 for the first year of recovery. During that time, it’s essential to focus on yourself. New sexual relationships take up a lot of time and energy. As comforting as that can be, they also distract you from healing.

Increases Stress

Even positive relationships increase stress, which is a major contributor to relapse.7 And going through a breakup is even more stressful. It can also jeopardize your emotional safety within your AA group.

Alienates Newcomers From AA

13th Stepping is predatory. When AA veterans make sexual advances, they put unfair pressure on new members. The new person might feel like if they say no, they’ll have to leave the group. That cuts them off from valuable community support. 

Puts Newcomers at Risk

13th Stepping isn’t only distracting and isolating; it can also cause outright harm. There are documented cases of predatory AA veterans assaulting newcomers. Monica Richardson’s film The 13th Step8 describes many of these cases, exposing how some AA members take advantage of people in early recovery.

13th Stepping is not only dangerous, but indicates a need for additional professional help. If someone shifts from managing their addiction to predatory behavior, this could be a sign of other behaviors that require attention.

How to Best Navigate a 12-Step Program

A 13th Stepper’s predatory behavior is never the newcomer’s fault. But if you join AA, you can still take certain precautions to keep yourself safe during early recovery. 

Consider a Break From Dating and Intimacy

Dating and intimacy can distract you from the healing process. By taking a break, you prioritize your own needs. You can use this time to get to know yourself in this new phase of your life. When you’re ready to date again, you’ll have a much clearer sense of what you want in a romantic relationship.

Get Community Support

If someone in AA makes you uncomfortable, talk to other members you trust. Consult the literature, ask your sponsor, and check in with loved ones. You can also ask your therapist what they think. When other people know what’s happening, they can hold both you and the other group member accountable.

Learn About Sponsorship

Sponsors are there to help you work the Steps.9 They shouldn’t coerce you to make a particular decision, and they should never have sex with you. In this dynamic, even consensual sex is harmful. If your sponsor acts inappropriately, you have every right to end the relationship and find a new sponsor. 

Observe and Report Predatory Behavior

12-Step veterans with good intentions don’t make advances on newcomers. If you notice someone making sexual advances—toward you or another new member—keep your distance. You can also talk to other group members about what’s happening. If that doesn’t help, you can leave and look for a different 12-Step group in the area or online. 

Find a 12-Step Program That Works for You

The 13th Step can cause serious harm. It’s important to be aware of this dangerous dynamic, so you can focus on your healing process. People seeking support for addiction recovery deserve to feel safe in AA. 
Every 12-Step group is unique. If you think the 12 Steps would be a good fit for you, search 12-Step rehab programs to begin your recovery journey.

Frequently Asked Questions About 13th Stepping

Who is considered a “13th Stepper?”

Anyone can be a 13th Stepper. This refers to the power dynamic between long-term 12-Step members and those in early recovery, irrespective of age, gender, or identity.

Are any intimate relationships possible within AA?

While it may seem tempting to date someone with a shared history of addiction, the dangers of the 13th Step, such as power imbalances and emotional dependencies, often outweigh the potential benefits. It’s crucial to prioritize your recovery and seek support from your own sober support network.

What are the dangers of the 13th Step in AA?

Engaging in the 13th Step can lead to risks like increased vulnerability to relapse, diverting your focus from recovery, heightened stress levels, potential emotional harm, and isolation from a supportive AA community. It’s crucial to be aware of these dangers and take necessary precautions to safeguard your well-being in early recovery.

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What Is the Success Rate of Alcoholics Anonymous?

Even if you’re just starting recovery, you’ve probably heard of the 12 Steps. This philosophy started in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.), and has grown into countless other 12-Step groups and rehab programs. For many people, the 12 Steps are central to the process of healing. 

But how effective are the 12 Steps, really? Some people swear by them—but they’re not right for everyone. When you’re planning your recovery, it’s important to choose the best possible approach for you. That could include 12-Step rehab, alternative treatment, or something else entirely. 

What is Alcoholics Annonymous?

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is an international fellowship of men and women who have struggled with alcohol addiction. AA is a non-profit organization that operates on a voluntary basis, and its members support each other in their journey towards sobriety.

The program is based on the twelve steps, which are spiritual principles that guide individuals towards a new way of living. The steps involve admitting powerlessness over alcohol, making a moral inventory of oneself, making amends to those harmed by addiction, and seeking spiritual guidance.

AA meetings are held regularly and provide a supportive environment for members to share their experiences, strength, and hope with each other. Members are encouraged to work with a sponsor, who is someone further along in the program and can provide guidance and support.

AA does not endorse or promote any particular religion or belief system and is open to anyone who wants to stop drinking. The anonymity of members is respected, and the organization is self-supporting through contributions from its members.

Understanding the 12 Steps of AA

Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) began in the 1930s.1 It was co-founded by Bill Wilson—or Bill W.—and his colleague Dr. Bob. Both men were in recovery from alcohol addiction when they met. Through their friendship, they realized how crucial peer support was for their sobriety. Over time they developed the 12 Steps and began hosting meetings for other people in addiction recovery.

The 12 Steps themselves are specific actions a person can take to heal from addiction. Step 1, for example, reads “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” Members of these groups encourage each other to follow these steps toward ongoing sobriety. 

Sponsorship is another core tenet of A.A.2 and other 12-Step groups. Members with some experience in recovery can sponsor newer participants. In these 1:1 relationships, sponsors offer support and fellowship. You’ll cultivate a close relationship with your sponsor, so you can call on them for help at any point in your healing journey. 

Faith-Based Recovery

This approach is faith-based, meaning that participants express their faith in a higher power. Despite its roots in Christianity, the 12-Step philosophy welcomes people of any and all religious backgrounds. In Step 3, for instance, members submit themselves “to the care of God as we understood Him.” If you find comfort in spirituality, the 12 Steps might be a good fit during addiction treatment.

Free Meetings Around the World

12-Step groups like A.A. are best known for their free, peer-led meetings. According to the A.A. website, anyone who “wants to do something about their drinking problem”3 is welcome. During a meeting you might pray, listen to a guest speaker, share your story, or hear from other members. Every meeting is a little different, and there are countless sessions to choose from. These meetings take place all over the world—you can even find them online.

The 12 Steps in Rehab

You can follow the 12 Steps on your own, in a peer-led meeting, or in formal addiction treatment. Many rehab programs are based on these ideals. Patients talk about the Steps in individual therapy and in group sessions. You might even attend peer-led meetings, either in your rehab or in the nearby community. If you start following the 12 Steps in rehab, you can easily join a local group once you complete treatment and return home. 

How Effective Is A.A.?

Data shows that A.A. is as effective as other types of addiction treatment.4 But it’s not right for everyone. For example, one study found that A.A. had a 42% success rate, compared to the 35% success rate of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). But Deborah Becker, a correspondent for NPR, explains that there’s a lot of nuance behind these numbers. “The thing that the researchers point out is that AA is free,” she says. “You don’t have to make an appointment. It’s open to everyone. And I think that is what they’re saying, is that it saves money, it’s very accessible, and it’s showing these long rates of continuous abstinence.”

Other experts agree that the length of treatment plays a role. While A.A. and other approaches have similar success rates in the short term, the 12 Steps have higher long-term success rates.5 But researchers are still gathering data on this issue. We don’t know, for instance, whether other free, peer-led support groups are as effective as A.A. 

Non-12-Step Support Groups

Not everyone draws strength from spirituality, or from fellowship with groups of people. You might prefer 1:1 relationships with care providers or a small circle of loved ones. What’s more, A.A. encourages members to be completely sober.6 If you’re taking a harm-reductionist approach to recovery,  A.A. might not be a good fit. There are many other free, peer-led recovery groups to choose from. 

SMART Recovery

In SMART Recovery, SMART stands for Self-Management and Recovery Training. These groups are based on scientific principles instead of encouraging faith-based recovery. Members work toward self-empowerment through behavioral techniques. 

Like A.A., this is a fellowship of people seeking recovery from addiction. Unlike those in A.A., SMART recovery facilitators have some formal training.7 They’ll offer concrete advice to help you plan your recovery. As member Jan L. writes, “If you are ready to do the work, and that’s a very big IF, SMART Recovery tools begin to work on day one.8 You do not have to come for weeks before you see progress.”

Secular Organizations for Sobriety (S.O.S.)

Secular Organizations for Sobriety, or S.O.S., is a network of groups that take place online and around the world. This non-profit also helps people begin new meetings to support people through addiction recovery. While not every group in S.O.S. shares the same ethos, none of these meetings are religious.

LifeRing Secular Recovery

Members of this organization heal “through the lens of LifeRing’s 3-S philosophy of Sobriety, Secularity, and Self-Help.” They support each other by candidly sharing their experiences and practical tips for recovery. 

LifeRing participants strive to “strengthen the Sober Self” in free meetings,9 which take place both in person and online.

Women for Sobriety (WFS)

Unlike other non-12-Step groups, Women for Sobriety (WFS) offers far more than free, peer-led meetings. WFS is a non-profit organization that also performs addiction research, outreach, and helps establish mutual aid networks. They also hold meetings for women in recovery, both in person and online, as well as online chat rooms. Their services are open to all women, including trans women. 

Moderation Management

Moderation Management (MM) takes a harm-reductionist approach to recovery. In other words, these groups don’t require or even recommend that members be totally sober. As one member of their online community writes, “MM has given me something I’ve been missing10 for a long time: Hope. Hope that I can do this. I can’t imagine a life entirely without alcohol, and now I know I don’t have to. Armed with the tools necessary to feel empowered, I can abstain. And I can moderate. And I can make that decision for myself.”

MM specifically focuses on moderating alcohol use, rather than drug use. These meetings are a good fit for people trying to drink less, who don’t want to cut alcohol out of their lives entirely. 

Alternative Treatment Approaches

While group meetings can be helpful, they’re just one part of an effective recovery plan. Many people also need more formal treatment. That could be as simple as seeing a therapist, or as comprehensive as attending residential rehab. 

If the 12 Steps align with your values, you’ll have many rehab programs to choose from. But just as many rehabs take a different approach to addiction treatment. 

Evidence-Based Treatment

This type of care is founded on robust scientific research. Western medicine includes countless evidence-based treatments for physical and mental health. For example, an evidence-based rehab program might offer:

Most evidence-based care follows predefined treatment protocols. But your provider may still recommend changes based on your exact needs. If you’d like to take this scientific approach to recovery, talk to your doctor or therapist about which specific therapies might be the best fit.

Holistic Treatment

Also called integrated, complementary, or alternative treatment, holistic rehab incorporates a variety of therapies. From acupuncture to naturopathic medicine, these modalities honor each client’s mind, body and spirit. 

Holistic therapies come from global traditions of healing. Some of them, like meditation, are also evidence-based treatments for addiction.11 Others are available in rehab while experts continue to research them. These approaches aren’t offered as a substitute for evidence-based care. But in combination with other treatments, they can be crucial parts of your recovery process. 

Is 12-Step Treatment Right for You?

The 12 Steps work well for people who draw strength from their faith and community. If these values fit well with yours, A.A. or a similar group might be the right way to approach healing. 

If this philosophy is central to your process, you can begin recovery in a 12-Step rehab program.

Frequently Asked Questions About A.A. Success Rates

What is the success rate of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.)?

The success rate of A.A. is comparable to other types of addiction treatment. One study found that A.A. had a 42% success rate, compared to the 35% success rate of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). However, the length of treatment plays a role, and the 12 Steps have higher long-term success rates. It is important to note that A.A. is free and open to everyone, and shows long rates of continuous abstinence.

How effective is A.A. in addiction recovery?

A.A. is as effective as other types of addiction treatment. However, it’s not the right approach for everyone. It’s important to choose the best possible approach for you, which could include 12-Step rehab, alternative treatment, or something else entirely.

Are there any non-12-Step support groups for addiction recovery?

Yes, there are many non-12-Step support groups for addiction recovery. These include SMART Recovery, which is based on scientific principles instead of faith-based recovery, and Secular Organizations for Sobriety (S.O.S.), a non-profit organization that helps people begin new meetings online and around the world.

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Is 12-Step Recovery Right For You?

You’ve probably heard of the 12 Steps, but what exactly does this approach to recovery entail? The 12 Steps provide a guideline to recovery itself, and the programs supplement treatment. Attending meetings provides you with social support and the means to maintain sobriety after rehab. Many people enjoy these aspects of this approach, and choose to attend 12-Step meetings in rehab and after returning home.

But while popular, 12-Step rehab isn’t for everyone. For one, the 12 Steps are rooted in Christianity, which may not resonate with people of different religious backgrounds or frameworks for understanding the world. And while these groups provide important social support, they’re not the only way to find community. But many people enjoy the spirituality component, as well as the robust social structure these groups provide.

Let’s take a closer look at what 12-Step recovery entails, and what other options exist, as you determine what approach sits best with you.

What Is 12-Step Recovery?

In 12-Step programs, people follow 12 designated steps to recovery. Members gather regularly as a group to review the Steps, share their stories, and get support for their challenges. These 12-Step meetings can be in person (called face-to-face, or F2F), online, or via phone, all around the world. Meetings might take place in a number of places: office buildings, churches, rehab centers—even parks or beaches.

After you finish rehab, you can continue attending meetings with 12-Step groups. Most cities have some kind of 12-Step program. Membership is open to anyone—the only requirement is a desire to change.

Many people attribute their recovery success to their involvement with the Steps. In fact, numerous studies reveal that involvement in A.A. increases the likelihood that people will stay sober.1 Members take comfort in the structure and social support the community provides, which could contribute to higher rates of abstinence.

What Happens at 12-Step Meetings?

Most 12-Step programs follow a similar format. For example, A.A. meetings often open with a “chair” (an A.A. member who leads the meeting) reciting the A.A. Preamble (a short passage about A.A.’s mission).2 They might follow the passage with a moment of silence or a prayer. Newcomers can introduce themselves, which is encouraged but not required. Then, members might read from “The Big Book,”3 which outlines a template for recovery. Depending on the meeting, members might discuss a chosen topic, speak about their journeys, or review a Step. After meetings, people might mingle, meet newcomers and others, and exchange contact information. This format is similar to other 12-Step programs.

In A.A., meetings can be open or closed.4 Open meetings invite anyone to attend, even friends or family of the person with the addiction. Closed meetings are only open to members themselves.

And according to Alcoholics Anonymous, the purpose of all A.A. meetings5 is for people to “share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover.” This is the foundation for the 12 Steps.

How The 12 Steps Guide Your Path to Recovery

According to A.A., the 12 Steps are a “set of spiritual principles”6 that serve as guidelines for a “way of life.” These fundamentals pave the way for life in sobriety.

The idea is that working through these steps will help you heal. But there aren’t necessarily any rules about how you approach them—you can follow them in order, or not. You can come back to different steps whenever you need to—whichever feels most relevant to what you’re going through. And while many of the steps reference “God,” you’re welcome to replace that with a higher power of your own choosing.

Spirituality and the 12 Steps

While the 12 Steps refer to a higher power—in this case, God—and have roots in Christianity, you don’t have to be Christian to attend meetings. In fact, you don’t need to have any religious background. It is helpful to be open to some degree of spirituality, especially since the goal of the 12th Step is to have a spiritual awakening. The program encourages members to develop a spiritual practice and to incorporate activities like meditation and prayer into their lives.

While spirituality is an important part of the 12 Steps for many people, the social factor is just as important—if not more.

Social Support in 12-Step Programs

People receive almost instant social support from 12-Step groups. You’ll be in a room full of people that have similar experiences and goals—and that makes it much easier to feel connected. And meeting other sober people is an essential part of the recovery process. People in A.A. find hope in being around others on the same journey.7 “The people I met thought like me,” said one member. “For the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn’t so crazy.”

Another member reflects: “I remember sitting in the A.A. meeting, and thinking, I’ve finally found a place where I belong.”

Research shows that people who have a good social support system are more likely to stay in addiction treatment longer,8 and less likely to relapse after rehab. Whether that’s friends, family, or friends you make at meetings, it’s important to surround yourself with those who support your journey.

Cutting ties with people who cue you to do things you’re working hard not to is a painful part of the recovery process. But the upside is that it creates more room in your life for relationships that support your well-being and growth. 12-Step groups make it easy to meet people with common goals, and even facilitate deeper connections by encouraging people to find sponsors. Sponsorship can have a profound impact on your success in sobriety—especially as a newcomer.

The Importance of Sponsorship in 12-Step Programs

Most 12-Step organizations connect people with a sponsor.9 A sponsor is a more senior member who supports your recovery journey. They’re available to talk to outside of meetings and can be a real lifeline in times of need. Sponsors also benefit from this relationship. Sharing what they’ve learned provides an opportunity to give back to the A.A. community, while reinforcing their own choice to live a sober life. It’s often helpful to find a sponsor with a similar background or experience, who can relate to you. They can share advice, hold space for what you’re going through, and be a place to turn to when you come up against an inevitable challenge.

One Crystal Meth Anonymous (C.M.A.) member describes how he owes much of his recovery to his sponsor.10 “I often think about how simple this tool is,” he says. “It helped me stay clean and sober that first year, especially in the face of so many challenges and temptations.” For example, soon after getting sober, he received a text from someone inviting him to do drugs again. He immediately thought of his sponsor, and how disappointed he’d be if he accepted. So instead of replying, he blocked the number.

“Everyone thinks their sponsor is the best, but I really believed it,” he said.

My sponsor demonstrated brotherly love, invested many, many hours, and instilled in me an unshakeable faith that gave me the strength and commitment to rebuild my life. For that, I am forever grateful.

How to Decide if 12-Step Recovery Is For You

If you still feel unsure whether or not 12-Step treatment is right for you, asking rehab admissions staff the following questions is a good place to start.

  • In this program, is attending 12-Step groups mandatory?
  • How much time will I spend in individual therapy, compared to time spent in groups?
  • Do all of your 1-on-1 therapists use the 12 Steps as a framework for recovery?
  • Will I be able to choose my own therapist?
  • Do your 12-Step groups include a sponsorship program?
  • In your philosophy, what does it mean for clients to connect with a higher power?
  • Does your program welcome people of all faiths?
  • Do you connect alumni with local support groups or 12-Step meetings after they complete inpatient treatment?

The more you know, the better. This will help prepare you for both rehab and your new life afterwards. But if you make the decision that the 12-Step approach isn’t for you, there are plenty of other options.

What Is Non-12-Step Recovery?

Non-12-Step programs are exactly that—any approach that doesn’t follow the 12-Step methodology. This can be anything from experiential to holistic to evidence-based treatment, and so much more. How you choose to go about recovery is entirely up to you.

Popular Non-12-Step Approaches to Choose From

While non-12-Step approaches can fall into many different categories, some are more commonly seen in treatment:

Non-12 Step programs are usually secular, meaning they don’t follow any particular religious guidelines. However, you can also attend rehab facilities that don’t follow a 12-Step approach but still have a spiritual emphasis. These may cater to specific faiths or be non-religious.

Note that while these are just some treatment approaches available outside of 12-Step, many more exist. Exploring rehabs by treatment approach can be a great way to learn more.

Building Sober Community Outside of 12 Step

12-Step programs are renowned for their fellowship aspect, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find sober community without one! While you’ll form relationships in rehab, it’s important to have a plan in place for securing a support network beyond it.

Non-12-Step Support Groups

And not all support groups for people in recovery follow the 12 steps. Some organizations don’t follow a spiritual model at all, like SMART Recovery and LifeRing. Similar to 12-Step programs, these groups have meetings in person or online, all over the globe.

Interest-Based Groups and Activities

Finding ways to have fun without substances is an important part of staying sober. Abstinence without meaning and joy isn’t very motivating! Boredom and loneliness are common in early recovery—and are also known relapse triggers. Getting involved in new hobbies, meet-up groups, and activities can be a great way to avoid feeling idle and make new friends in the process. These can range from picking up an old sport to learning a new skill. Look for adult classes, meet-ups, and community events in your city. Your rehab may even offer to help with this as part of your relapse prevention and aftercare plan.

Stepping Into a New Life Chapter

The 12-Step method may just be what works best for you. Or it may not be your thing, and that’s completely fine. It’s also possible (and common) to combine recovery approaches. For example, you might choose to enroll at a non-12-Step rehab, then attend 12-Step groups to maintain your sobriety after treatment. There are multiple paths to recovery, and facilities that can offer exactly what you’re looking for.

With any approach you choose, remember to be patient with yourself. Healing isn’t always straightforward. You might hit bumps in the road here and there, but it’s important to keep going. Remind yourself why you started your recovery journey, and reach out for help when you need it.

See rehab facilities that offer 12-Step and non-12-Step programs to find options that interest you, compare prices, take a virtual tour, and more.